Call Her Blessed

Bubbles

2009-07-14T21:41:00.004-06:00

My little Thomas loves the tub - this kid could sit in that water until he shriveled into a little prune! Is he gonna hate me some day for doing a post of him in the bath? Probably. Talk to your therapist, kiddo ;-)

We have a big window right over the tub in the master bathroom. The light was just making the entire tub just...glow. And my sweet, squishy, soft, little bubble lover was having so much fun. I had to take pictures. I didn't choose for myself...it's a compulsion that is beyond my control.

Worthy - No Matter What

2009-07-13T09:38:00.003-06:00

Life happens, and sometimes it ain't pretty.

Personally, when I face struggles and pain, one of my first responses always seems to be "Where are you God?" "Don't you love me?" "Why are you letting this happen to me?"

Embarrassing and immature, but true.

It seems sometimes that even a stubbed toe can turn into a crisis of faith for me if I let my thoughts and doubts and fears run amuck. Truly, we are called to take control of our thoughts to the submission of His truth for a good reason.

But it's hard for me. Is it for you? I so easily and quickly fall into a way of thinking...as if he didn't shed is very own blood for ME. What else do I want? Need? Nothing, really.

A very wise and good and honest-when-I-really-need-it friend put me in my place once. I was once crying about my latest disappointment, and she lovingly and gently said something like, "Daiquiri, the best thing to do when in the midst of suffering is to praise Him. No matter our suffering in this life, He saved us...and for that He is worthy of our praise."

Whew. Somewhere in my head and heart I knew that...but I sure needed the reminder. I promised myself that I'd praise through my next time of suffering, no matter how big or small.

Disappointment. Financial fears. Depression. Sick kids.

It can be overwhelming sometimes.

And sometimes, at the end of a tough day, it seems that my only comfort is that someday my suffering will be over. Totally and completely over. I'm going to Heaven. I am 100% confident that I will go to Heaven after this life.

Some would call me arrogant or cocky for saying that with such confidence. But hear this, friends....I'm confident not in myself, but in HIM. He is capable. He is sufficient. He is willing and able to do what He promises....and he promises that I will be saved. My future is very bright, but it has zero to do with me or my efforts.

My future is bright because He saved me. And for that, He is worthy of my praise...no matter what.

It Was An Excellent Art Show

2009-07-12T22:37:00.002-06:00

....But a really awful art sale.

Good thing I had so much fun, or I'd really be grumpy right now.

I framed my 4 favorite pieces, had lots of note cards, and a couple of baskets of prints. I also had my portrait portfolio and business cards for people to check out. Sent lots of folks home with my card...not so many with actual prints.

Whew. I'm fried. My body, my mind, my hopes, and most definitely my bank account...all drained.

The manager of the hosting bookstore offered to take a few of my pieces on consignment though - it will be interesting to see if they sell or not.

I did have lots of fun, despite very little traffic. I met some neat people, saw some great stuff that the other vendors had, and had the grill's tri tip wrap for lunch...to die for. It was a disappointing, but very nice day. At least I was in good company - it was slow for everyone. Some even packed up and left early.

I woke up this morning and clicked on over to one of my favorite sites. And the photo in the article I read was so...fitting. Made me laugh out loud! Here it is.

I promised pictures from the show. I meant to shoot the entire event, but got distracted by all the sitting around and chewing ice I had to get done. I only snapped a few shots right after I got set up:

PS. Thanks so much to all my sweet friends who showed up to lend some moral support. You made the day even more fun :-)

Freaking Out - In a Good Way

2009-07-10T15:49:00.004-06:00

Did you guys play store when you were kids? We sure did. I remember pulling boxes and canned goods out of the kitchen cabinet and laying everything out in the living room. And, of course, there was the essential cash register - you know, the Fisher Price one with red, blue, and yellow coins. You could put the coins in the slots, and then they'd either fall out the little change chute, or end up in the drawer that would open with that satisfying "ding!" And the shopping cart - that indestructible yellow cart - what was that material? Plastic of some sort? I swear, when He comes back to make all things new...even HE might have problems destroying those carts.

"Zap" - and the mountains melt away....the clouds roll back to display His throne...but those carts... they just might stick around for the ne w earth ;-)

Anyway - I'm playing store today. My little money box, the little jar with a ribbon and pens, baskets of notecards, my portfolio, the price list.

The art show is tomorrow! I'm running on adrenaline here, and buzzing from the first espresso I've had for weeks. Bustling, hustling, embossing cards, organizing...and having an absolute BALL :-)

If you're from the Boise, Idaho area...stop by the Art Fair tomorrow! (please, pretty please, with sugar on top) It's at the Red Letter Bookstore and Cafe from noon - 9PM, on the corner of Cole and Franklin.

By the way - I'm seeing lots of traffic lately because people are looking for a homemade salsa recipe - TRY THIS ONE. It's yummy, and good for you, and it will make you skinny and smart and wealthy. Just kidding. But it is yummy.

Have I mentioned how much I love iced mochas?

Soooo Sleeeepyyyy

2009-07-09T11:54:00.004-06:00

A little giggle for the grandparents on a tough day...

You know all those Funniest Home Videos that showed the kids falling asleep in odd places? I always thought, "Sheesh, put that poor child to bed! What sort of parent is so out of touch with their baby that the poor little one falls asleep on their dinner plate?"

Well, now I guess I know.

Little Buddies

2009-07-08T15:42:00.002-06:00

The first year or so after Clara was born was really tough. Ben was only 13 1/2 months old when Clara was born - still a baby himself.

But look at them now! They're the best of friends, always chatting and playing and pretending (and nearly strangling each other several times a day). I wouldn't change a thing. I love knowing that when I'm gone on to a better place, that my kids will have each other.

Wisconsin...

2009-07-07T06:00:00.000-06:00

...is positively gorgeous.

Whew....We're Back!

2009-07-06T09:00:00.002-06:00

We made it home.

We traveled yesterday - it was a long, but blissfully uneventful trip.

Well, except for the part where we planned on buying snack boxes on the plane to feed our family (after spending $40 on mediocre fast food for lunch- figured the boxes were a better bargain). We went to the desk - they said they were offering the boxes. We checked the board - yes on the boxes. We got on the plane and the attendant announced that they'd be offering the boxes.

Then she actually got to our seats (and we were all starving)...and she said that they didn't have any boxes, but would we like some trail mix or nuts? Hello...nut allergy here and 4 hungry kids (not to mention the adults). We explained our situation to her. She paused, looked at us like we were positively insane for relying on an airline for anything (I KNOW)...but then she wrangled up a first class meal for us to share. I'll tell ya what - those first class tickets just might be worth their insane price. I was starving and had been living on pretzels and cheese all day, but that food was GOOD. Really good.

Anyway - we survived.

Our vacation was amazing. Truly amazing. To prove my case, I took approximately 1,300 pictures. I'm not kidding! Normally I would have stayed under a thousand pictures, but then my Dad let me use his camera...a Nikon D300. Oooh, baby. That thing ROCKS. I'll try to pick out some of the best shots to share with you in the next few days.

The first thing we did when we got home was head to our raspberry patch for a treat, and we weren't disappointed! Then we got the kiddos to bed, grabbed a bite to eat, and hit the pillow. There's nothing like your own bed, ya know? I'm happy to be home. Not as happy as I usually am - it was especially hard to leave this time - but happy.

Stay tuned for lots of pictures!

Denial & Panic

2009-06-22T08:55:00.003-06:00

Well, I did it again. I completely ignored the fact that we're leaving for vacation....until now, the very last minute. I do this with overwhelming tasks. And believe me, trying to get this house straightened, get packed, and get all of us on an airplane (at 5:30 AM no less) is overwhelming.

The good news is that we're going here again.

The bad news is that I'll probably be packing dirty clothes because I won't be able to get everything done in time. They have a washer there...

I still wonder - what if I just flat refuse to pack? Okay - I'll do ONE suitcase for this family of 6.

Toothbrushes, swimsuits, 2 pair shorts, 2 tshirts, 1 pair of jeans, flip flops, socks, undies, tennies, jacket, and jammies for each person. Do you think I could fit it all? Hmmm...that's 84 items. Doubtful.

Turns out that a family with 6 people in it is...a big family.

I even planned to have all sorts of enlightening and entertaining posts scheduled to go up while I'm away. It just ain't happening. Forgive me? Come back to see me when I get back? I promise to provide all sorts of hints and tips about how to be rich, famous, happy, and skinny.

;-)

PS. It's driving me crazy that my last post was titled "Here's to Daddy's". I know it should be Daddies. But I'm not gonna take the time to go change it now.

Here's To Daddy's

2009-06-21T07:41:00.004-06:00

To Daddy's who are big and strong....no matter their height or ability to bench press whatever. You're big and strong in those little eyes.

To Daddy's who are patient and kind.

To Daddy's who read stories, tuck little heads into bed, and who toss the ball on the weekends.

Here's to Daddy's who have the guts and the wisdom to discipline, even when it really does hurt them more than it hurts their little one.

To Daddy's who love Mommy's and treat her like she's precious. They're teaching boys how to love their wives and they're teaching girls that they can expect to be cherished.

Here's to Daddy's who are off somewhere fighting for good. In the boardroom or on the battlefield...you're fighting for us and we love you for it.

To Daddy's who go to work each day even when they might rather do something else. Thanks for taking such good care of us.

To Daddy's who screw up and lose their tempers, Daddy's who are ...human. The little ones see the uncertainty and the pain, and then they see forgiveness and peace.

To Daddy's who have the courage to talk about Jesus and the fact that even though Daddy is big and strong, Jesus is the Boss. Some lessons are invaluable.

To Daddy's who snuggle.

And tickle.

And wrestle.

And let Mommy's sleep in on Saturdays.

And who have kind eyes.

We love you. To the Daddy's in my life, I love you. You're wonderful. You're a blessing. Our family is what it is because of you good men.

From the bottom of my grateful heart...Happy Father's Day.

My 1st "Fix It Friday"

2009-06-19T22:50:00.003-06:00

I'm loving a new (to me) blog called i ♥ faces. If you enjoy photography, even remotely, you simply must go over there and poke around. They have so much great info and fun projects...I'm totally and completely hooked!

One fun project they have is "Fix it Fridays" - they provide an image that could use a little extra love, and everyone works their magic on it. It's so fun to see how everyone does it differently (not to mention hugely educational!).

So here it is, this is my first Fix it Friday entry.

The original shot:

My Fix:

1. My process started in Lightroom for a fix of white balance, saturation, and blacks.

2. Then to Photoshop Elements for a crop/straighten, blemish removal, eye sparkle, and noise removal. Thought I was done, but upon further inspection it was...

3. Back to Lightroom for another boost in blacks, an exposure and brightening tweak, and finally some vignetting.

This was so FUN! I'll definitely be doing this again! Head on over to this week's Fix it Friday post to see what other "fixers" are doing. Heck...join in too! Let me know if you do so I can come see :)

A Hope And A Future

2009-06-18T15:12:00.002-06:00

Luke's workplace had something of a yardsale last week. They sold old office equipment, and hubby made out like a bandit! He came home with a drafting table, a big metal 4 drawer file cabinet (perfect for all those archived papers in the garage), and 4 lockers (also perfect for the garage - one for each kiddo!). Guess what he paid? $20! What a steal!

Our Ben took one look at the drafting table and claimed it as his own. "That will be perfect for my designing!" He grabbed some pens and paper, a stool, and promptly got to work before we could even drag the thing into the house.

He said he invented me a "house cleaning robot". I love that boy. I hope all his dreams come true ;-)

Ben is a fun kid, but has a rather serious and thoughtful nature. He can be running around the backyard with his buddies one minute...and the next he's disappeared. When I find him, he's typically sitting on the floor somewhere "inventing". He just gets ideas in his head, and starts sketching them out...with dimensions and everything.

Hubby and I have technical backgrounds....and it seems that this area of interest is somewhat genetic. We don't coach him, promise. In fact, sometimes I'd rather see the kid tossing a ball around!

Ben just loves to think...explore...solve...improve...understand EVERYTHING. I'm not exaggerating when I say that Ben asks questions about life and faith and God that I didn't think to contemplate until I was at least 30 years old.

This boy of mine - he has a bright future. I think it's a gift that he has such a firm grasp on what he loves to do. Do you remember struggling to figure out the direction you wanted to go when you were supposed to choose a major in college? It was agony for me. It won't be for my Ben!

And his heart - oh, his heart. It belongs firmly to the Lord, and for that I will be forever and overwhelmingly grateful. He believes, he has the boldness to share his heart, and he trusts in a way that only seems possible for children. I hope he never loses these gifts either.

I can't imagine raising children in this world without the Lord - terrifying!

Thank you, Lord for saving my boy.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

How Do I Rate?!

2009-06-17T06:00:00.001-06:00

Hello world - this is my man. Mine. All mine! Good grief - you'd think after 12 years, 4 babies, 3 dogs, and many houses that I might get sick of looking at this guy. Not a chance. I'm nuts about him. Seriously nuts. More nuts than the day we got married, which I didn't think was possible. Love just grows, ya know?

I took this headshot for him yesterday for his new business cards. He recently became a licensed real estate agent - he's still committed to and giving 100% to his long-time career with the company he's been working for (for the past 12 years)...he just wanted to do a little something on the side. This man of mine, he's serious about taking care of this family.

I'm a lucky girl.

Anyone buying or selling a house in Idaho any time soon? He's your man. Well - my man. But I'll let you borrow him for a little while. He'll take really good care of you. I'll let you use him I mean. To buy a house.

This just isn't coming out quite right.

He was an impossibly easy subject to photograph. He smiled that smile the entire time and had me all tongue tied and flustered. I don't know what he was so happy about.... just because I was wearing a bikini.

Just kidding.

Or am I?

Really - I'm just kidding.

???

See what that smile does to me? It makes my stomach flutter around in my throat and my brain turn to mush. Being around that smile is sort of like eating a big meal before swimming - you have to rest a bit before swimming for safest results. The next time he smiles at me, I promise to wait at least 24 hours before trying to write ;-)

Insert Nasaly "Honk" Here

2009-06-16T10:07:00.002-06:00

I was driving home from a craft store this morning (picking up a giant stack of blank notecards so I can get busy on them this afternoon when my prints come in). I was sitting at a red light, which seemed to take FOR.EV.ER (anyone else seen "The Sandlot"?)... but I'm glad it did because as I sat there waiting for a green, I saw an amazing sight.

There were geese. Lots and lots and lots of them. And they were walking single file across the street. I counted about 15 of them, but those were only the ones in the street when I started counting - there were several dozen waiting their turn in line and even more in the field they all were headed to.

It was a sight - that's for sure.

It was just so STRANGE to see all those big birds walking across the street. It was no small street either - it was a major road with two lanes headed each direction and three turning lanes - seven lanes of traffic came to a halt as we all stared incredulously at this line of geese risking life and wing to go plodding along the concrete.

I wondered...was I the only one? Was there anyone else watching the scene unfold who had an almost overwhelming urge to get out of my car, go over to the geese, and say "Hello?! You're a BIRD. You can FLY. You might want to try it right about now!" I might have done it if I didn't know that geese are mean SOB's. They would have honked at me, charged me with wings flapping, and they would have done their best to peck my eyes out. One angry goose is enough to make me run the other way. I wasn't taking a chance with an entire mob of them.

So we sat and waited for them. And I realized...I'm just like one of those silly old walking geese.

I spend time worrying.

I spend time being grumpy.

I spend time being selfish and feeling sorry for myself.

I repeatedly remind myself of terrible things I've done in my life. How can God possibly want anything to do with me?

I doubt.

I fear.

And all the while I'm plodding along the street...slowly...dangerously...unhappily. And all for no particular reason except for the fact that it hasn't dawned on me that I should be doing it differently.

I'm saved. I'm forgiven. I'm taken care of. I'm loved. I'm blessed. I'm tucked up under the safest wing that ever was.

Why is it so dang hard to remember and accept those facts? In fact, I tend to do my own version of honking and wing flapping whenever someone tries to remind me. Why do I resist? I don't know.

God has been really working on my heart lately. I haven't written a whole lot about it - just a post or two - because it feels so...precious...and precarious at the same time. Like if I talk about it I'll "ruin" it or something. Just too close to home and personal, you know? He's been trying to help me really "get" some truths of who I am.

It's exciting, really. Change can be painful, but I've learned that when He's the one orchestrating it, things always change for the better. I'm excited to experience life through eyes that can see new truths....to feel things with a heart that knows God's love...to fly!

Crazy Busy Life

2009-06-15T12:52:00.004-06:00

My sincerest thanks to you if you're reading this - I know I've been a terribly unfaithful blogger lately. Times...they change. Remember back in the day when I'd flood your brains with 3 or 4 posts every day?! I can hardly remember having that much to say....never mind the time to sit down and write about it. Lately, it's more like "what in the world do I have to say...and who would want to read it anyway? I don't know anything!" So again, thanks friends, for sticking around :)

Life has been nuts since school got out. Dentist appointments, zoo trips, "concerts" on our piano, birthday parties, library trips, planting flowers, vacuuming the sand off my kitchen floor that's supposed to be staying in the sandbox....you know how it is.

I've also been working myself silly lately, trying to prepare for the little art show I signed up for. I've been up until 1 AM for several nights now, getting photos processed and ordered. I'm blowing my savings, but having lots of fun :)

That picture up there is of my little Thomas enjoying his Aunt Tiffany's birthday cake. You know how hard it is to remove moist and gooey chocolate cake from the nostrils of someone who can't yet blow their nose? Hard. But the smile on his face made it worth it.

Can I just tell you the sweetest thing that happened right now? I just about had a heart attack when I realized that we're out of cold and fizzy caffeine. I sent my best friend (husband) an email titled "crisis", and the text was "NO COKE!"

Luke was on his lunch break, so he stopped by with a Coke about one gallon in size. Now that, my friends, is LOVE. Real, true, amazing love.

I met him in the driveway to collect my ~~drug~~ Coke, and to deliver a kiss. When I came in the house, Clara said..."Who was that?"

"My hero"

"Who?"

"My best friend"

"Who?"

"My savior for today."

"Yeah, but WHO WAS IT?"

"Your Daddy"

Sometimes love is patient, kind, and unselfish. But sometimes, love delivers caffeine right to your doorstep.

Impromptu Shoot

2009-06-12T10:39:00.002-06:00

This little beauty is such a bundle of smiles and joy.... a seriously *nice* girl.

I loved working with her. She was such a good sport, and every now and then she'd bop across the yard and say "I have idea! How about I sit here like this and do this thing with my hands?!" Lots of fun :-)

Click on over to my photography blog to see the rest of the shots.

Bunches of Stuff

2009-06-11T20:48:00.003-06:00

It's been a crazy few days!

- We've had family in from Wisconsin. Oh boy, do those aunts and uncles of mine know how to have a good time. And they loved on us for two days - made us all feel so special and unique and interesting and loved. It was like a giant party for my kids. You should have seen their slumped little shoulders as they watched them drive away today. Ben turned to me and said, "Let's go to Wisconsin NOW." :) I'll post pictures (and a video of my two aunts playing soccer) in the next couple of days.

- Ever since deciding to do an art show next month, I've been crazy busy with creating and printing and processing photos. I'm getting so excited! However, I'm spending all the $$ I've been saving for a new camera. I'm dreaming of a new Canon lately...anyone know of a Canon giveaway going on? Or maybe a Nikon - haven't decided yet.

I'm starting to have anxious dreams about the art show already. If my dreams are any indicator I'll either be displaying finger-painted canvases in the midst of modern day Picassos and Monets ...or I'll be the only one set up in a dusty, windy, dirty parking lot...with people driving by and gawking at how absurd I am to be out there.

- One of the best parts of my day today? Making a homemade iced mocha: left over coffee from breakfast, some chocolate syrup, some whole milk, and some ice. Delicious! And best of all? I didn't have to pay some very rich Dutch Brothers $3.25 for it :)

- I'm so pumped about a new canvas product I'm offering. I blogged about it at my photography blog - go check it out...and then walk around your house for 30 minutes trying to figure out which wall would be best for a new piece of art (like I did)....and THEN call me and I'll help you fill that lonely space ;-)

- Hubby agreed to do a series of posts with me about how we met. Someone suggested that I wait for a more romantic time - Valentine's day maybe. I don't know if I can wait that long though. Luke said he's up for it - I'd better grab my chance ;-)

- Speaking of my amazing man - he's all ready to sell and buy some houses! He's officially licensed and signed up with a broker. I'm so proud of him! What a blessing to be his wife - that man would stop at nothing to take care good care of his family. And when he closes his first deal...boy, are we going to celebrate! We might do something crazy like go to dinner and a movie. I know...hold on to your hats! And then, after we spend $50 celebrating, we'll put any and all proceeds toward getting ourselves out of this hole of debt we've created in the past 12 years.

- Oh, how could I not mention this first!? I'm a new aunt! Luke's brother and his wife just had an addition to their family today - a little boy. AND Luke's other brother and his wife just had a little girl. I'm just dying to jump on a plane to go take pictures of those sweet babies (and smell their sweet little heads and listen to those wondrous baby sounds they make). Sigh. Stupid money.

- Our family is incredibly... symmetric. We have two girls and two boys. My sister has a boy and a girl. Luke's brothers each have a boy and a girl. The engineer in me finds this fact seriously and disturbingly satisfying.

- I promised myself that I'd go to bed by 10 tonight. Ain't happening. I'm still in my running clothes right now - still have a shower to do. And some popcorn to eat. And lots of photos to sort through. My new goal is to go to bed before 1 AM (unlike the past few nights).

Gonna Have Fun Going Broke...

2009-06-09T11:17:00.003-06:00

I've decided to take the plunge and enter myself into a local art show. It's called "Art in the Lot" - a little art fair in my church's bookstore's parking lot. My sweet church crowd is about as safe as they get...but I'm still so nervous! It's strange to put myself out there and call my photography "art" for all the world to see.

What if they don't like it? What if no one buys anything? What if I'm set up next to a REAL artist? Yikes!

And I'm certainly not going to make any money. It will take several hundred dollars to prepare prints (printing, packaging, etc), I have to provide a table, awning, and easels (which I don't have...anyone have one I can borrow?), and I have lots of work to do to make a portfolio book, promotional cards, and note cards. Seriously - I'm never going to get my money back out.

BUT...this has been a dream of mine for a while, and it's time. And the entry fee for a 10'x12' space is only $20. That $20 goes toward the missions fund for my church, which is something I feel passionate about.

I might break the bank and end up wishing I'd continued to save for a new Cannon...but I'm going to have fun doing it! And hey, you never know...maybe someone out there will be saved because of my $20.

Now THAT'S a big dream. Good thing we have a big God :)

Dreamy

2009-06-08T14:23:00.005-06:00

Luke was digging through some papers in the "vault" today. It's not an actual vault - it's just the dark place under the stairs... past the Christmas decorations and 7 layers of hell known as our luggage. It may as well be a real vault - it's just as inaccessible!

(Why was he digging around in there, you ask? The brokerage he's signing up with today needed a copy of his high school diploma. Really! Evidently the fact that he's been out of high school for almost 20!! years, has a degree in engineering, and has been working as a professional for the past 12 years doesn't count for much...they want proof of high school graduation.)

It is in that deep dark hole that we keep the dusty boxes labeled "Memorabilia". Oh my, the horrors those boxes hold! There's the diary I kept as a 3rd grader. There's my Presidential Scholar award. There's even a plaster casting of my teeth before braces. If that doesn't give you nightmares, you're worlds stronger than I!

Hubby has lots of goodies in there too. Piles of sports pictures and news clippings (quite the sports stud he was). In fact, he found piles of pictures of both of us. And in that pile, he found these:

Our senior photos. Look at those kids! We joke all the time about how we wouldn't be together if we had known each other as kids. He maintains that he was too much of a jerk (I find that impossible to believe).

I maintain that anyone who knew me in my junior high years would forever be scarred by the images my ugly mug burned into their retinas. Seriously. U.G.L.Y! I got over my braces, purple eye shadow, acne, and really bad clothes and turned out...mostly normal. Average, I'd say. But still - if you'd been there during the ugly phase? You'd never see me as normal.

And my Luke...a jerk? I just don't see it. And even if he was a jerk - it probably would have made me want him more. That square jaw. Those dimples. Those biceps. Those broad shoulders. That....ahem, nevermindImnotthinkingboutthatyoushouldntbeeitherwhyamIblushing.

And a bit of arrogance on top. Irresistible to foolish young girls. Especially me! Oh boy. My poor parents.

I look at those photos and can't help but wonder what's in store for our kids. Dimples. Light eyes. Sandy hair....lots and lots of it! At least until they turn 30 something and realize that they now have brown/grey hair (and for the boys much more forehead ;) ).

Stay tuned. Luke and I are going to tell the story of how we met, fell in love, and got married. (I'm just trying to come up with an appropriate bribe to get his participation) I'm envisioning a co-blogging type of format - he'll tell his side of the story and I'll tell mine.

Hey! Look Over There!

2009-06-06T10:30:00.002-06:00

It's a GIVEAWAY! Aren't giveaways fun? I love 'em!

My friend Becky is giving away a sweet little book that would make a perfect addition to your father's day gift. Head on over to Becky's blog right now to get signed up :-) Good luck!

Last Day Of School, First Day of Summer

2009-06-05T14:12:00.008-06:00

The joy and chaos of the last day of school is past. It took us, oh, about a millisecond to adjust to the leisurely pace of summer :-)

Here's the last day or so of school...in pictures.

The night before the last day - doing our best to write a thoughtful note of thanks for the teachers. They dictated what they wanted to say to us, we wrote it out carefully, and then they wrote it in their own hand (they didn't want spelling errors). They're sure sweet kids.

The hair went up in rollers the night before, and she had fun curls for the big day. She was so excited to wear her new outfit, and I'd spent days sewing it. No joke! It took days...many tears...several incidents of throwing the fabric across the room...and even a few choice words. But I finally finished the outfit. It was worth it when she had a conversation with her daddy.

"Clara sweetie, you sure look beautiful."

"I know, Daddy."

:-)

Daddy rode bikes to school with them on this special day, but we waited out front for the bus anyway because they had a little gift to give the bus driver.

I made Sammy a new dress too - she LOVES dresses.

"What? Huh? Mama's taking pictures? Take one of me!"

Kindergarten graduation - quite the ordeal! There were fancy hats...even song and dance!

Each of the kids decorated a program for their parents:

See? Song AND dance:

Here's Clara getting her "graduation" certificate:

Friends - there's nothing sweeter than young friends who can just be who they are. There aren't even words exchanged...just the natural connection...hand to hand...giggle to giggle.

Sisters - I have girls! Two girls! Daughters! What a gift :-)

Yaya treated to a special lunch out after graduation. Nothing says "congrats" like a full belly and a balloon tied around the wrist.

By the way - I don't typically carry my camera everywhere I go (tsk, tsk!). I had forgotten to take it out of the car after the school ceremony, and didn't want to leave it in the heat. I was happy to have it though (of course).

Daddy rode to pick up Ben, and they rode their bikes home together (Ben later reported that riding home with Daddy was his "best part" of the day). Grandma stayed home with the sleeping baby while we went out for snow cones (wanted to beat the forecasted rain).

If this isn't a picture of summer, I just don't know what is:

Look at the beautiful sky! I love the Idaho sky.

And of course, the little boy has to kick off summer by promptly...climbing a tree. I wouldn't have it any other way :-)

Just for fun...I grabbed these shots of Sammy while we were ordering and enjoying our snow cones. I processed them a bit differently, and I just LOVE them. I'm thinking that I'll make one of them into a canvas...which one is your favorite?

Big Day

2009-06-04T17:47:00.002-06:00

Whew. I feel like collapsing into bed and sleeping for a week! We've been working and planning and organizing for weeks leading up to this day...the last day of school.

Our prayers were answered, and we had a wonderful, peaceful, and joyous day. Even the weather was nice.

No more soccer.

No more scouts.

No more AWANA.

No more baseball.

Clara is officially a 1st grader.

Ben is officially a 2nd grader.

Luke is officially a licensed real estate agent.

I am officially wearing shorts and flip flops for the next three months. Pardon me if I don't take the time to curl my hair or put on mascara either!

I have TONS of fun pictures from today - I'll get them up soon. I'm off now to make tacos and pour myself a berry Mike's Lemonade over ice. Cheers!

Well, I Guess I Believe It Now!

2009-06-03T08:44:00.003-06:00

Ever notice those ads running in my right sidebar? Well, I happened to notice one of the Kodak ads a couple of months ago...."Spending too much on ink?" You know it! So I clicked over to enter a contest they had going for a new printer. I signed up, and then forgot all about it.

THEN...I got an email telling me that I'd been selected as a winner. All I had to do was fill out some info and send it back to them. I was thinking "If they want my checking account number or social security number, I'm outa here." But they didn't, so I followed up.

THEN...I got an email looking for more info. Seemed legit again, so I followed up again.

Luke asked me what was up, I said something like "I've supposedly won a printer or something, but I'll believe it when the thing shows up at the doorstep." I don't win things...never really have...but that doesn't stop me from buying a lotto ticket from time to time ;-)

And THEN...look what showed up on my doorstep yesterday!

Well, I'll be. I actually won something!!! I won a Kodak ESP 5SE, to be precise.

What a gift! My printer was 8 years old and having a hard time interfacing with my new computer. I was trying to figure out where to get the money for a new one, and then this thing was literally dropped at my front door!

So the moral of this story? 1. God sometimes works in mysterious ways...but sometimes He has blessings dropped right on your front stoop 2. I'm going to pay closer attention to the ads running over there! 3. Real people like me actually win stuff from time to time

PS. I've been asking the Lord to help me to really know and accept His love for me. Well, you never know....nothing says "I love you" quite like $100 million. I'm going to go buy a lotto ticket now. Just kidding. Maybe ;-)

New Life

2009-06-01T09:32:00.005-06:00

A light rain washed the dust and pollen off the world this morning.

Looking at the drops of life on these petals through my camera's lens...it feels like He put them there just for me.

Truly...who am I?

Does the rain have a father? Who fathers the drops of dew?

Job 38:25

How can it be? I know my heart...my thoughts. He knows them even better. Yet he loves me? He wants me? I am precious to him?

Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

Luke 12:7

Unbelievable. Incomprehensible.

Amazing.

He Loves Me. He Loves Me Not.

2009-05-30T22:29:00.004-06:00

Wow. I sit down to write this post, and this screen feels like a stranger to me. I feel like I'm sitting down to chat with a long lost friend who I really haven't had a heart to heart with in years. I've been absent. My heart at least...absent.

It's been a painful month or so for me.

Sometimes I don't know how much to share - how much to be "real" about. So I've been avoiding this blog. I've been avoiding writing what's on my heart.

It's funny. As I sit down to write about it, I realize how, from the outside at least, my struggles seem so...trivial. Even to me. I look back at the last month and I think, "really, THAT'S what I was so upset about?"

But it's not about the "stuff" that's happened (which is really and truly nothing). It's about the state of my heart. The state of my soul.

Okay, everyone together now..."Ooooo, Deeeep!"

I've felt disappointed and betrayed by God (over that silly "nothing" stuff). And I reacted like I'm ashamed to say that I always react; not by turning to my comforter and receiving peace and healing...but by turning to God Almighty with my fist raised in anger and defiance.

What the hell are you doing?

Do you really even care?

Are you really even THERE?

This is such BS - what's the point of this pain and why aren't you DOING something?

And then I stopped talking to him all together. And then I started crying for the loneliness and the hurt. And then I sulked.

All the while I've heard him, "Are you ready to talk to me yet?"

NO.

"Now? Are you going to talk about this with me?"

LEAVE ME ALONE. YOU DON'T CARE ANYWAY.

"I'm here you know. Turning up the radio doesn't make me go away. Let's talk."

Aww, crap. Okay.

He's been showing me the painful truth about what I believe and (more importantly) what I don't believe. He's been bringing me deeper with him - have you noticed how it's always a painful process to get someplace wonderful?

Are you frustrated with my lack of details? I'm not avoiding them - it's just that they truly don't matter. What I've learned in the past month, however, is everything to me....it's the result...the purpose?... of my suffering.

There are things that a person can learn with her head, and yet it's still not a truth of her heart. Do you know what I mean? It's sort of like when you bring that first baby home with you for the first time. You keep thinking "I'm a mom"...and yet it takes some time for that reality to really sink in, for you to start living like it's true. It's not until it sinks all the way down deep into your heart that you are changed from the inside out.

So head vs. heart knowledge - I know lots of things with my head and my heart. I know with all my being that there is a God. I know with everything in me that he is mighty. Capable. Strong. Big. Sufficient and powerful to save me. Majestic. Holy. Powerful.

And yet....there are some things. Some crucially important things that are still just head knowledge for me. What has God been showing me lately that's such a revelation (you're gonna laugh - it seems that everyone can get this but me)? It's this:

God loves me.

Now, I can quote scripture all day long about how God loves me. I can show evidence. Argue a debate. Hell, I can probably build some sort of ultra-geeky spreadsheet detailing all the ways and reasons that God loves me.

But it's all in my head.

Lately, God has been asking me to let it sink into my heart. And I can hardly get real with him, have a conversation with him, or even spend quiet time with him...without totally bawling my eyes out. We went to church tonight, and by the end of worship I was sweating and trembling in my fight to maintain some composure.

He wants me. He wants my heart - all of it. And I'm just so friggin scared!

But I've been scared for a long time - it's the result of not really and truly trusting God. I guess I'd rather be afraid for what he'll do in my heart than for what life will be like if I don't let him in. Man. Sometimes he can just be so REAL.

And so damned persistent!

As I read The Shack, there were a few passages that had me bursting into tears and running the other way:

"You cannot produce trust, just as you cannot 'do' humility. It either is or is not. Trust is the fruit of a relationship in which you know you are loved. Because you do not know that I love you, you cannot trust me." (p.128)

"You [do not] know deep in your heart that I love you. You sing about it, you talk about it, but you don't know it." (p.144)

Ouch.

I've respected him. I've revered him. I've pursued him. But I don't think I've ever really trusted him...because I don't trust that he loves me.

So when something bad (or even remotely disappointing) happens, I immediately get angry and defensive and even more scared. I feel hurt because it seems that life's pains are evidence that I'm not really loved...that I'm not precious to him.

And lately, mercy upon mercies, the very One I've been shaking my fist at for the past month (and all the months before that for that matter) has been gently asking me to open another little door in my heart to him. And I'll tell ya what - the hinges to that little door are rusty and don't want to budge!

But I want it with everything I am - I WANT to believe with my whole heart that he loves me. I want to be able to trust him. As I closed my eyes during worship tonight, I could feel him pressing on the walls of my heart. I could almost feel him physically. But yet...I resist.

Why do I DO that?

I don't know how to end this post. It doesn't have a tidy ending because, well, it's not over yet! I'm a work in progress. I know I need some good quality quiet and alone time where I can pray and cry and let it all out...and more importantly, let him IN.

I'm interested in hearing your stories. How deeply do you know that God loves you. Does the phrase "God loves me" roll off your tongue in the same casual way that "we're having pizza for dinner" does? Or does it come bubbling out of your heart like that living water? Do you really know it with your heart? Either way - I'm in no position to judge. I'm just curious. And if you're one of the ones who has a deep down trust relationship and KNOW that God loves you with all you have...will you please tell me about how you came to know it?