Its Me

I'm trying not to become spoiled

2010-01-05T14:38:00.002-05:00

As I reflect on this past year a simple word could describe it. It was a humdinger of a year. I can hardly believe that so many things happened in this one year. Loss, death, tyranny, hope, and triumph have all transpired in this past year. I am truly grateful for so many things that God brought me through, some I am still working on being thankful for, but I am certain that once the dust settles a little more I will be able to see a little better his plans.

One of the biggest blessings out of this past year was that I have had an entire year with my husband, pretty 24/7. We found out that we won't have any trouble becoming emptynesters. There were a few inconveniences of the entire family being together for the first 8 months of last year, but Nate and I did splendidly and that is what I am having the hardest time contemplating giving up. This season in our life has made me once again long for the Little House on the Prairie, where the family worked together to eek out a living on the farm.

I have constantly tried to thank the Lord for his blessings but not assume that I have a right to them, or that I should allow myself to get too comfortable. It is so easy to get complacent when you are experiencing something that is pleasurable. I see it in myself or hear about it often enough in seemingly small ways. "I haven't had time to myself in so long", "my nails or hair are horrible, I need to get something done." or "I've had the kids all by myself for weeks now." These little things that we get used to suddenly become areas of discontent.

So with so many blessings of this past year, I need to be vigilant and not give in to any kind of discontentment, lest I become the spoiled brat that I am on the verge of becoming.

Overcome with cell phones

2009-12-30T20:51:00.006-05:00

This post is not personal, even if some of you that I know in real life are guilty of this, as well as I am at times. This is not to criticize anyone but just something that I have noticed and have been considering. I have been guilty of all the below at one time or another, but I am trying to pay attention to what I am doing. Texting and cell phones can be a valuable assets and tool for many, but just like everything that is good about modern technology it can have a dark side.

Texting has always been a pet peeve of mine. I didn't realize how much I hated it until Amanda moved in with us. At the time I had unlimited texting on my phone, even though I seldom used it. Two of my friends enjoy passing along info that way, so for their sake I joined in. I don't mind it as long as it is used the way I think it should be used, and therein may lie some of the problem, my own opinion of what is appropriate.

Amanda would rather text than talk on the phone. What could amount to a 5 min conversation turned into 30 minutes of texting back and forth. The constant beeping of the phone to let me know I had received a message was enough to put me over the edge, in that she and I shared a similar dislike, so she had it on vibrate. I noticed that texting was just a filler of time. She was bored, and instead of having to have awkward conversation because she had nothing to say, texting filled a void. Needless to say I quickly took off the unlimited texting and have so far refused to get her a phone. This is a side note, but she has no car or license and no job, so what on earth does she need a phone for?

The next thing that I noticed about texting is that it can be incredibly rude. People feel the freedom to interrupt you at times that they wouldn't otherwise do. If I knew someone was hanging out with someone, I wouldn't call them to tell them that I just found our favorite cereal on sale. Somehow texting has a way of inserting you into people's private times, and yes you don't have to answer, but I have never been with a person who when their phone beeps doesn't at least check the message, and most of the time respond to some inane question or comment.
My sister in law says that there are kids that come over to her house to play with her kids, and they stand in the kitchen texting other kids. "How rude"

When I was a kid or teenager I would never dream of disturbing my parents on a date or while they were visiting the neighbors. I would only call or go over if something really important was about to go down, and if I did dare interrupt it would only be once, not these multiple interruptions. My mother had friends on either side of us growing up, and she spent time at both of those places. I wouldn't dream of asking her to stop her visit to tell me where my socks were, or if I could eat the last yogurt. I would have been forced to wait, and that may be the key to this whole post. People have almost completely lost the ability to wait patiently or contentedly for anything.

What in the world is wrong with our kids not having access to us every second of the day. I know that cell phones have given us more freedom than our mothers, but it has certainly come at a price. The funny thing is that not to many people seem to mind what is happening. Of course I love that I can get a hold of Amanda when she is out, and she can contact me, but I look at that as emergency types of situations, or when there is a change of plans and she is checking in. That is the extent of my comfort level on being disturbed by a phone. I have no desire to get a text letting me know that the cherry rush at Dairy Queen is the bomb.

I believe that texting also hinders relationships. It is so much easier to apologize, thank someone, or say something unpleasant than it is to do the hard thing, and think of what and how you are going to say something. Also, I was in the dentist office waiting a long time for Amanda to have some work done, and there were 2 other people in there with me. There was nothing to do but wait, I had brought a book to read to pass the time, but as I was sitting there I felt that maybe I should make myself available to chat with the people in the waiting room. I made some small talk with the receptionist and then turned to sit down, both people who were waiting were texting or playing a game on the phone. They did so for the entire hour that I was in the waiting room, needless to say, I pulled out my book and lost myself. While traveling to Haiti we had to spend several hours in Miami and Atlanta airports, and it was so pleasant to see people just sitting and waiting. They had pleasant looks on their faces and seemed open. I spoke to several people like that, and it honestly meant something. I had a personal connection with people I don't know. Texting has just become one more way that we are wrapped up in ourselves and our own lives.

I think that I rely on peoples voice to tell me what is going on with them. I can tell if one of the kids is up to no good by the tone of their voice. I can tell if someone seems down or irritated, etc, etc. If I lose that, or if it is replaced too often with the artificial communication, I lose touch. My friend who lives in Brazil can post something personal, she can email me something thoughtful and kind, but I do not feel the same, and I think she doesn't either as a nice chat on the phone. For now that is as good as it can get, when she visits though that outshines the phone. Why would I ever want to give that up or trade those moments with IM, or texting? For the sake of my children, until they know the value of human contact, this house will remain a text free zone for a good long while.

Remember this is not criticism, this is just a place where I record what is in my head.

We are back

2009-12-19T22:40:00.002-05:00

There may be several pages of pics. These next pictures were taken on the last day we spent with Dania. Friday afternoon we drove her back to the O. She cried a little in the hotel room before we left. I wasn't sure if she was worried that we were leaving Haiti with her, or if she was sad to be going back to the O. That was definitely the most emotional day, but that is a story for another post, I'm tired so I am off to bed, details later

2009-12-19T22:34:00.002-05:00

This is the outside of the home Dania has known for the past 3 1/2 years
Mealtime at the O, can you see the portion size on those plates, a grown man would be hard pressed to eat so much.
That doorway is the kitchen, it is 4x6 and to the right is the bath area. The blue tub behind the reddish wall is the bathtub.

Dania with some of her little buddies. Get a load of the little smiley guy in the center, he was so comical.

2009-12-19T22:30:00.001-05:00

Dania shows her friends the coloring book
The boys show off for Nathan. He gave them a motorcycle magazine that quickly went under a mattress for safekeeping
I have watched these boys grow up with Dania. I feel like I know them as well

2009-12-19T22:26:00.001-05:00

This is the room Dania sleeps in, the bottom bed is hers.

The laundry just hangs around the courtyard where they play
Dania stays in the background while her friends prefer the spotlight

We lounged all day

2009-12-18T08:51:00.001-05:00

There are several pages of photos, at the end of the page hit older posts.

2009-12-18T08:45:00.000-05:00

2009-12-18T08:41:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the repeat,this is a different upload program and I am figuring it out

We are coming home alone

2009-12-17T15:26:00.002-05:00

We can't get the visa appt. because Dania's birthmother's death certificate has to be authenicated. Apparently she just recently passed away and death certificates can be forged, so the director of the O has to appear in court with any family members or witnesses that saw her dead. This is not a new step, it is just one that my agent was unaware had not taken place due to some communication errors. However, this is what is supposed to happen everytime. You come here file the I-600, go home, they investigate the death or make sure that parents really relinquished rights, you then come back get your visa appt and take child home. If the US had not lost my I-600 we could have skipped this visit, however, my agent NEVER lets people not come at least once prior to taking child home. She said it is the equilvalence of being kidnapped to them. She was going to let us do it because Dania is so emotionally healthy and because we have waited so long.

I am in complete peace over this. I would have liked to bring her home this Saturday, but the way that it was looking was that I was going to have to leave Nate here and him come home late next week, and that would have put us in such a rush and uncertainty because flights are getting harder to come by. Diana(agent) knows Dania well and she said that honestly this is the best, ideal situation for her. We will take her back to the O, which is her family, hang out with her there for a couple of hours and let her "show us off" to her friends. She then has time to process us with the nannies and her friends who have gotten to see us as well. She also gets the chance to look forward to seeing us again, and the next transition won't be as scary to her because she already has a history with us. I wanted her to come home with us this time purely for my own sake, when I see the wisdom in the above, I have no doubt she will do better in the long run this way.

We have had a wonderful, relaxing day here at the pool and in our suite. It is unfortunate that for safety reasons we can't leave the hotel w/o a driver because Haiti is so very interesting, and the people are a beautiful nationality. I would love to take an up close and personal look at some of the places we have passed in the car. We could have taken a sight seeing tour today with him into the mountains to a Baptist mission place that is a tourist attraction, but we pay him by the day a large chunk, and I think Dania is being stimulated enough. I keep thinking how bored the boys and Amanda would be if they were here in the hotel, but everything is new to her. The O is so small, with large walls with barbed wire on top, so you can't see out of your own back yard. She has been very sheltered in there.

We don't know if we will come back to Haiti and get her or if she will travel with another family and be escorted to Miami. There are many families traveling after Christmas and early January, so we will cross that bridge when we get to it.

I have been so thankful for reliable internet, it has made me feel connected to home. Thank you to all family for helping with the kids, and for all my friends who made meals and prayed for us. This has been a monumental time in our lives.

A leisurely day

2009-12-17T11:09:00.001-05:00

We took a cold dip last night, and as a typical kid, Dania didn't care that it was cold.

Nathan has had no trouble eating heartily.

2009-12-17T11:02:00.002-05:00

Breakfast at our hotel
The view from the front balcony of our hotel
Dania on the balcony in the morning, she loves her cat pj's
The courtyard below of balcony. It is really a beautiful hotel.

The view from our balcony, the mountains are covered in cinder block houses

I see so clearly here

2009-12-16T16:59:00.003-05:00

Sorry, no pictures, service problems.

This has been an incredibly hard trip on me so far, until this afternoon. I have been so far out of my comfort zone that I've had nothing to do but rely on the things that God puts in my path. Yesterday was the longest day ever. I got 2 hours of sleep Monday night, not because of nerves, my mind was just racing. Headed to Atlanta in the wee hours I felt sick, by the time we got to the airport I was in trouble. Just then Maura texted me and said that she and her husband would pray, because she called I thought about the two of us walking to burn off my stress, so I sprinted through the parking lot before we got our luggage, blessing 1. I felt some better until I saw the long lines of people waiting to check in, then I saw no line for first class. I forgot to tell you that we got 1st class tickets for about $118 more per ticket, so we didn't have to wait, blessing 2. Going through security I happened to hear my phone ring and it was my sweet brother in law, Landon. He called to say that he was so excited for us, and that we were following God and that we would be in his prayers all day, blessing 3. Then we got to board first and we had these awesome seats right in the front, blessing 4. Anyway that is how it went the entire day yesterday, when I needed something I got it. God was with me and I could see it.

I'm rambling to long on yesterday, today is what I wanted to tell you about. I woke up on the verge of a panic attack. The reason was (I think) is because of our appt. and the way we travel here is torture for me. I am riding in a van with windows that only push out at the bottom. There is no air condition and it is in the 90's. The windows are down but you are going to slow to feel any air. You are stopping and starting because it is a freefall, and you are bouncing up and down, back and forth. This makes me sick, but today I had to get it together to go to our appt. I read the list of verses that I brought along to help me and left. We had a new driver that didn't speak english, but his van was air conditioned, praise God. We got to our appt. to find out TADA, they didn't have all the necessary paperwork for Dania. I had mine, but they were missing theirs. Now we have to go explain to a man that doesn't understand us what is going on. Finally we were able to get a hold of previous driver who filled him in on where we needed to go. We came back to the hotel to try and track down who had our paperwork. It took a few hours and then our english speaking driver (because the other one thought we told him to leave) took us to get the paperwork and then take it back to the embassy. Well it still wasn't right and they are missing 2 other forms, praise God they took our application to process and allowed for us to get the missing forms Thursday. I've since found out that they probably do have the paperwork, because my person doesn't make mistakes, but this happens in this office frequently. So as of now everything is up in the air. I seriously doubt that it is likely for them to get the remaining papers Thursday, pass it to the visa dept and have it approved my Friday.

I am at a place that I realize that God is going to come through for me when I really need him, alot of times I want him, but I don't need to have happen what I want. I didn't want to battle anxiety, I did not want to run my head off, and I certainly didn't want to have to come home without her. The bottom line is that I have never been able to control one aspect of this process, and I can see God so clearly in all this.

The really good news is that Dania is healthy (minus a throaty cough) and I think she is pretty emotionally healthy as well. It feels comfortable even though we don't understand each other well. She is sweet and curious, and seems to trust us. If she has to go back to the O, and we come get her in a week or two, maybe that would be really good for her. She has never left the O, she came right before she was 4 and by the way she is looking out of the van, I have the feeling she is seeing this for the first time. The kids and nannies at the O are her family right now, we are just nice people to her. I have been on the phone and internet trying to get all this mess sorted out, and Nate has had the opportunity to really bond with her. He is so sweet and tender with her, and I am so thankful, because until this evening things have been crazy with me. I feel your prayers like I have never felt them before. There have been moments over these past few days that I didn't know if I could hang on, but all of a sudden I would feel a peace, and I have been finally able to enjoy this process.

We made it

2009-12-15T20:10:00.002-05:00

The trip started off kinda rough but it turned out fine in the end. This has been an incredibly long day filled with all kinds of emotions. We just picked up Dania from the O and she is now coloring with Nate. I will fill in all the details later but I had to say that when we arrived at the O it was dark, no one really has electricity, they use generators for a few hours a day. I walked the little grounds of the O while they had Dania somewhere getting her dressed. All these kids were there that I have watched grow up over these past 3 1/2 years. They were crowded around us when I saw a little girl walk by with a nanny do go get lotion put on her legs. I wasn't sure it was her right away because I saw her from the side, but as soon as she turned and looked at me, I knew. We waved at her and then she came over for a hug. She looked so timid and her hug was stiff. I felt so sorry for her, I'm not sure she knew she was leaving with us so soon. We only stayed a few minutes while the kids and nannies said stuff to her, and then we were off. I asked the driver to ask her if she had ever been out of the O, and the answer was no. Their courtyard is about a 1/4 acre. He asked her if she was nervous and she said yes. I was too, there are soooo many people out on the streets and cars going every which way. Nate said it was way more congested than India.

She is gorgeous, and that is not her mother speaking. She is a beautiful child. She is reserved but in a normal way, and she has already smiled at us many times. She is little, probably the size of a 5 1/2 yr old. Now that I have her, I want her to come home with me.

Thanks for all your prayers, but please don't stop, our appt is Wednesday at 11:00am and we have other running around to do, and we are exhausted.

We have a little creole book for adoptive families, and that has saved the day. I can ask her lots of things.

Ready to Go

2009-12-14T19:56:00.002-05:00

It is 8pm and I am almost ready. I flew around these last few days getting everything ready, I sure hope I haven't forgotten anything important. I feel like I have packed an entire drug store on my carry on. We are taking a small backpack that is my purse, Nate's laptop and one carry on suitcase. We are checking one big suitcase and I sure hope that one makes it there on time. We are packing our own snacks, since I am unsure of what will be available at the hotel to nibble on.

I will be posting on blog this week, so you can check for updates.

Here is my prayer list for those of you praying:
No anxiety for me as I travel
Dania adjusts to us well
No sickness (food problems)
Favor at the appt on Wed at 11am (that is when we find out if we get the visa appt to bring her home)
And anything else I may be missing

A friend saves the day

2009-12-12T16:24:00.003-05:00

You know that paperwork that was supposedly mailed out and I needed to have before I left?, well I got an email yesterday from USCIS (immigration) saying that they had not mailed by proof of fingerprints, they got me confused with another Brock family. They could not overnight it, the only thing was for us to go pick it up. That would have been so stressful to make the 4 hr round trip drive to Atlanta when I had so many other things to do. Well my good friend Kelly who lives near Atlanta offered to go pick it up and give it to my other friend Maura whom she was meeting halfway. I have the paper in hand ready to go, thank you God for all the small blessings you give, and for good friends.

Also, I scored first class tickets for only $118 more per ticket. That is so worth it for me, considering all my anxiety issues about flying. The planes are full, and this will help me not feel so claustrophobic. I thank God that we got these tickets.

I will post again before we leave with all the info and prayer requests. Thanks to all you have my back during this time, to the friends I have in real life and to my cyberfriends, I cherish your prayers for my family at this time.

I'M GOIN ON A TRIP

2009-12-10T14:13:00.002-05:00

Finally, finally the news that I have waited soooo long to post. I got my appt. to file my I-600 in Haiti on Wednesday, yes next Wednesday at 11:00 am. We will be leaving here on Tuesday and arriving in Haiti Tuesday late afternoon. I may be able to meet Dania that evening, if not she can stay with us for the rest of the time that we are there.

They told me to plan on NOT being able to bring her home on this trip. There was only suppossed to be one trip but since they lost my paperwork she got adopted in Haiti and I have to file the I-600 there instead of here. They told me to ask for a VISA appt on Wednesday and if they grant me one quickly, Nate will just come home Saturday and I will stay until she can come. If it is going to be after Christmas before they get her a Visa appt, I will come home and then go back and get her.

I am so excited!!!!!! I need prayer that they grant me that Visa appt. and also since this is so last minute I still have not recieved proof of my fingerprints (I-171H), I contacted immingration and it was already mailed out so there is no way to hurry it up, please pray that I receive those papers before I leave.

I have so much to do.

The call from the teacher

2009-12-08T08:30:00.002-05:00

As you know the boys have been doing great in public school, they handle everything like pros now, and seemingly enjoy it. Well maybe I spoke too soon and patted myself on the back too many times, because last week I got "the call" from Luke's teacher. I always figured that if I got a call it would be about Luke because he is just that sort of kid.

The conversation proceeded as follows:

Teacher: I wanted to call because something has happened that I wanted you to talk to Luke about.

Me: Oh, Okay (stuttering)

Teacher: I was just going to let it blow over, but I've just received a call from another parent.

Me: (in my head) Uh! Oh!

Teacher: Luke has been telling the other children that Santa isn't real

Me: (I'm laughing out loud)

Teacher: I wouldn't have bothered with it, but he keeps insisting that Santa doesn't exist. This is 2nd grade and we have lots of kids that believe.

Me: (still laughing)

Teacher: When we were writing letters to Santa for the newspaper, he told everyone that it was silly to write to someone that doesn't exist, and that he was embarrassed to do it.

Me: (still laughing) but then I say, " I'm sorry for laughing, I just thought that it was something worse than this. My stomach dropped when I realized this wasn't a social call."

Teacher: I know it is silly, but I got a complaint from another parent and I already spoke once to Luke about it, but it hasn't died down yet.

Me: Wow! Was he receptive and respectful when you spoke to him?

Teacher: Oh yes, he always is. I told him that other people have different beliefs, and he can believe something different, he just needs to keep it to himself. I knew you would not be offended that is why I called.

Me: Oh no that is fine, I'll have a talk with him about Santa.

Teacher: He told --------- (her son, they live up the road) that Santa doesn't exist, and he still believes, of course.

Me: Oh, did it hurt ----(her son) feelings.

Teacher: No, he just couldn't believe that Luke said it.

Me: okay good!

So I went straight to the garage with a serious face to tell Nathan that Luke's teacher called because of a complaint from another parent.

Nate: Well, what was it?

Me: Luke told the class Santa doesn't exist.

Nate: (laughing hard) while I tell him the rest of the conversation.

Nate: Wait a minute, what about the first amendment? Why should he be silenced?

Me: Is Santa Claus the hill you want to die on?

Nate: No, I guess not.

Me: I don't want Luke hounding people with the truth. We have to teach him not to be argumentative with others, even if this was about God, he is not going to win anyone over by a shout down on the playground.

Nate: Yeah!, your right.

So that night at the dinner table I brought it up.

Me: Luke I got a call from your teacher, do you know what it was about?

Luke: Hmmm! let me think, .......... Santa Claus?

All other children: (laughing, and laughing)

Me: Yep! your teacher wants you to stop talking about it, do you think you can? or is this really important?

Luke: I said some things but it is (names of 3 children) who keep bringing it up. They walk by me and say, "santa is real, santa is real" and drives me crazy.

Me: Well you know the truth, and they will someday, but it is not nice to argue back once you have shared how you feel. Okay?

Luke: Okay, whatever, I'm fine.

Austin: So Luke gets in trouble because other parents are lying to their kids? So lame!

Evan: Yeah! Luke didn't do anything except tell the truth.

Amanda: (laughing) a call from the teacher about Santa?

Austin: That kid will be sorry when he figures out that his mom lies to him.

Me: Luke, I'm proud of you, you should always tell the truth, just don't argue over it. You did good!

I have to say that I love my kids teachers, and in no way do I feel that she was being aggressive with me. The part about keeping opinions to yourself got under my skin for a second, but I realize where she was trying to go with that, she just did not use the proper words, which is something that I can relate to. I get myself in hot water by using wrong language now and then. Her son and mine are really good buddies, and I think everything is good now.

I should also say that we have had Santa and other make believe characters as part of our kids lives, but if they ever asked in seriousness if they were real, I always told them the truth. I still joke around with them about fairies, werewolves, (when they take the trash out in the dark) and sundry of other things, but they know that I jest.

I Am Thankful

2009-12-05T16:57:00.002-05:00

This years Thanksgiving was more thoughtful and reflective, but it was one to truly be thankful for. I took Amanda to see her Dad on Tuesday, and while on the way we stopped at Burger King. Big, huge mistake, Burger King did not sit well with me at all, and I had to make several pit stops along the way to her Dad's house, and pray on the long toll road that I would make it to the restroom. Burger King, accompanied by a stomach bug that has us still feeling slushy made my anxiety level take a boost. Of course I had to start with a sick story, that is how I think, unfortunately.

We had a lovely dinner at my mom's house on Thursday with Uncle Warren, I was still feeling funny, so I ate very little. I forgot my camera, so there are no pictures of any holiday cheer. I was to make a cheesecake for my mother and one for my mother in law, but Luke turned off the oven inadvertently while they were baking. I had no idea what time I had put them in or how long they had been off, sadly both were a sorry excuse for a famous cheesecake maker like myself.

Friday was Thanksgiving with the Brock family and Kissacks. The cousins always have the best times together, and I am so thankful that they have each other. They are each others best friends in the whole world. Friday night we went to the viewing of the baby that shot himself. That was really rough. The Dad and Mom who are divorced were there, along with the birth mother of the baby. He had been adopted by them right after he was born. The birth mom does not have her life together and you could tell by her appearance and the company she kept. It was so sad to see people so lost and hurting and know that they don't have the only one who can truly bring them peace and freedom. They have been on my mind lots of late, and it put a different focus on my Thanksgiving holiday.

I am thankful that my parents live close by, would do anything for me and are still in good health.

I am thankful that my inlaws love me like one of their own kids and have a great place for memories.

I am thankful Tonya isn't too far away to come for lots of visits.

I am thankful that my kids are healthy and loved.

I am thankful that I am made in the image of God, and that he paid my debt in full.

Thanksgiving didn't officially end until this past Tuesday when the Kissacks returned home.

Words are inadequate

2009-11-24T10:01:00.002-05:00

It seems that I could never convey the depths of my sorrow in a forum such as this, but my mind has been consumed with some friends of ours grief. On saturday while we were with them they got word that their little nephew, not yet 2 had shot himself with a 22 pistol. We know the father of the toddler, but are pretty close with the fathers brother and sister. The father has been arrested and spent the first few days of his sons death in jail. This was a terrible accident and not some willful neglect. The father is overcome with despair, and I'm pretty sure that he does not know the Lord. I know that God can use this for good, but goodness the pain is staggering for this family.

I will survive

2009-11-19T21:12:00.004-05:00

My biopsy came back good, and they only want to check me again in 6 months just to see how things look. For now, they will leave said lump in place, because it looks like a normal cyst. While I am happy to have this behind me, I was almost certain that my time had come to face something serious. This has been a year of trial, and it almost seemed fitting that something else go wrong. See what a lovely sense of optimism can do for you.

I'm feeling particularly chipper because Tuesday I spent the day looking for a lost 2007 homestudy that immigration needed. They should have had it, I should have had it, my agency should have had it, the social worker should have had it, but mysteriously none did. Thankfully at the end of the day immigration settled for my original homestudy that was done in 2006. Then Wednesday, I spent the day tracking a letter that contained my checks for new fingerprints. The tracking stated that it was delivered 12 days ago, but immigration couldn't find it and therefore had not submitted me into the data base for a new appt. They did get this taken care of by end of business yesterday, but I lost 12 days in the process. I will not be able to travel to Haiti on my old prints that expire on the 2nd of Dec, because I won't have clearance yet from the National Visa Center. Christmas is still a slim possibility, but I'm not holding my breath, and I've given that one to the Lord as well. When I mentioned that they lost my check last night in homegroup, someone said that this is getting downright demonic, and I have to concur. I'm usually not a demon around every door kinda gal, but there has been a fight going on to bring this one little girl home. So many things have gone wrong and yet they must be right also. When that was said last night about this getting downright dirty, I thought about the fact that we wrestle not against flesh and blood, and no person is trying to mess this up for us, it is a spiritual battle and I thank God that I am on the winning side. I also realized that I have a fighting spirit as well, and I thought "bring it", "I've got what it takes to see this through." After a;;, I know the eventual outcome, this child is mine, which means that she is under my protection and covering. I say this not full of arrogance, but with full confidence that God is with me, and he certainly has what it takes, and if I abide in him, then I have what it takes as well. He's got my back, and I can't imagine anyone more qualified to cover me in this battle.

Tiny needles

2009-11-14T17:30:00.003-05:00

It was a slow week, I still was tired from the cold I'd had and it rained quite a bit in the early part of the week. On Friday I had a breast aspiration. Several weeks ago I felt an unfamiliar lump on one of my breasts. When you have breasts the size of mine, it is not hard to notice a change. So I had the usual mamo and ultrasound done, and they recommended the aspiration done. They stuck a tiny little needle into me to numb the area, that burned like fire, but the rest was a piece of cake. I won't get the lab results back until the 24th, which is way too long to have to wait, I think. Luckily, they are not too concerned, apparently I have lots of cysts in my body, that is one reason that I lost my uterus several years ago. I guess cysts just like me. Still, if I was overly concerned about cancer, 10 days to find out biopsy results is sheer torture.

I hosted a soup and salad party for the ladies of our church after my procedure. We had close to 2o different soups to try. It was good to host everyone, it's been a while since I've had a big gathering at my house. One of the ladies of the group had just suffered a miscarriage that very morning, and her husband had to work an evening shift. She didn't want to be home alone, so she came to hang out with us, of course we prayed for her, hugged her, and cried with her. We also had a great time with many laughs. It is a testament to the women in my body that she wanted to be with them in her time of sorrow. I am so blessed with godly women in my life.

Happenings in a nutshell

2009-11-09T08:20:00.004-05:00

On Fridays Amanda is off from school, so this past Friday we went on a shopping trip. She had some money saved from working and wanted to buy some shoes. I think that this was our first shopping trip together out of town, just the two of us. I am (much to the dismay of my mother and mother in law) not a shopper. If I don't see something, then I don't know what I'm missing, and that is how I like to keep it. Now don't get me wrong, I frequent stores quite often, but it is usually that we are going somewhere for some reason, and then when I see a Ross, and I have to stop in for a quick peek. Anyway, Amanda got herself some shoes, jeans and T-shirts, while I snagged similar T-shirts and some shirts for the boys. There were some deals to be had, I didn't pay more than $5.99 for a sweatshirt, and my T's were under $5.

Saturday I woke up sneezing like there was no tomorrow and with a sore throat, but my persuasive husband convinced me to go to the ATV trails with him and the kids. He was planning on taking the boys dirt bike riding, but then Amanda wanted to go as well, along with the neighbor kid who comes and rides on our track. The kids wanted me to go, since the whole family was going, so I gave in and went. We had to squish 7 people into the truck and 7 bikes onto the trailer. We have not been to the trails in about a year, and just recently all the boys have upgraded to bigger bikes. Austin is now on a 150, 2 stroke, which just means that it is a fast racing bike. Amanda has Austin's old one, so even she is equipped to ride, plus she is a daredevil and has a feel and knack for riding. I on the other hand am now only slightly better than my 8 yr old, and he is the only one that I saw ride, except of course when Nate would swing back to see how I was doing, or when I caught a glimpse of a blur through the trees, or when they would wait up for us at a crossroad. I can't decide if I'm super cool or a big fool. I saw 2 other people of the female persuasion, but they have the word teen somewhere in their description, and they were on 4 wheelers. I like it that Nate pushes me to keep doing things, but I'm not sure how I feel about being a 40 yr old biker chic. When Dania gets home that will probably put an end to my riding, because I'm pretty sure that she will not want to tackle ATV trails. I want her to learn how to ride, just to have the skill, because it has been really good for me and boys to have, but I seriously doubt she will want to tear around the track.

We came home from that big day with an hour to spare before company was coming over for dinner. I had to still go to the store and get stuff for dinner, so needless to say a shower was out of the question. I was also feeling poorly. The cold had drained me, and I think that I got dehydrated, because all I had to drink that day was coffee in the morning, (which is a diuretic) and half a bottle of water. I was shaky and weak by the time company came, but I got a second wind after 7:30pm.

Last night we rented "The Boy in the Striped Pajamas." I highly enjoyed this movie for the family. It is about the Holocaust, but it presented it in a way that was very poignant to my kids. Luke was old enough to "get it" and it wasn't so disturbing that the thematic elements outweighed the story. The story was from the perspective of an 8 yr old boy. No blood, no graphic holocaust imagery, no cussing, (just some anti Semitic propaganda) There was and still is lots of topics for discussion, from naughty boyish behavior to hate and murder. I am a holocaust buff (if you can even call it that w/o sounding insensitive) but I read everything I can get my hands on, especially the biographies of survivors.

In adoption news, all of my updated paperwork has been submitted to USCIS, and I am awaiting approval. As soon as I get my approval notice, we go to Haiti to file our final paperwork. Christmas is still a viable possibility.

Made in the shade

2009-11-02T08:14:00.002-05:00

My schedule right now is pretty stellar, so I am really enjoying myself. Nathan takes the little boys and Amanda to school in the mornings 3 out of 5 days, works in the morning, picks up Amanda at lunch time and comes home for the rest of the day. That is giving me several mornings at home to get things done. I am only working 1 day a week now, and only for 1/2 a day. This is only happening because Nate needs to get some stuff done around the house that he feels has been neglected as of late, so I'd better enjoy it while it lasts.

My adoption is wrapping up nicely, thanks to getting my homestudy done in 3 short weeks. It was mailed to me on Friday, so I don't have it in hand yet, but it should be here soon. Once I receive it, I will send it to USCIS (immigration) get my I-600a approval, and then travel to Haiti to file the FINAL paperwork. Since my new agency has a good relationship with the embassy in Haiti, she believes that I will get an appt quickly, and having Dania home by Christmas is still very possible.

We have found a wonderful deal at CBD and I thought that I would share it. CBD has their radio dramatization of 5 classics on cd's for $9.99. The set includes the stories: Ben Hur, A Christmas Carol, Les Miserable, Silas Marner, and Billy Budd Sailor. Instead of watching movies on the weekend, or doing nothing together, we are making popcorn, building a fire in the fireplace and listening to these stories. I'm happy to say that even a big girl like Amanda is enjoying this family pasttime. CBD also has the stories of Bonhoffer and The Hiding Place in another set for $4.99, so we have many nights to look forwarded to this fall.

Bragging corner

2009-10-21T14:54:00.004-04:00

I truly try not to brag about anything at all, especially in a blog forum, but I am going to do it and hope that you will understand my elation. Report cards came home this week. Austin got 4 B's and 2 A's, the A's were in Math and Latin. I am thrilled for him, because his school work is truly challenging for him, except for math, he seems to be a whiz at it. There were several times this quarter where he came home with some pretty low F's and I was worried if he could pull them up in time.

Luke got 2 A's a B and the rest S for satisfactory. The teacher has told me numerous times, what a hard worker he is, and how driven he is. I am very proud of him, he is still behind in reading, but is meeting the goals they have for him. A tutor comes in a couple of times a week and reads with him, and in the mornings he does a computer program geared to help him catch up.

But Evan was the one that shined the brightest. He got 5 A's and 1 B, which placed him on the honor roll. Since he has never been to school, he had no idea that it is a big deal, until I read him the teachers comments and he saw it on the report card. I am positively glowing over him, and relieved like you can't imagine. My whole homeschooling life, I worried about whether or not they were getting what they needed and if I was preparing them adequately for it. It is a huge relief to me to see them do so well. Granted they are all 1 year behind the actual grade that they could/should be in, but this still proves to me that they are on track, they just might not have done this well.

As a fellow blogger once put it, (and I liked it). I was a reluctant homeschooler. I am not one to think that children learn what they need to know by playing in the creek or planting a garden, (although worthy pastimes) but they need structure and some rigorous school work. So I did what I had to do, but not very well, or with much enthusiasm. School was just something to get through each day. I am sure that I will probably homeschool again in the near future but this has given me the confidence I needed to do it better, the next time I give it a go.