Single Supermama

moving blog

2008-11-14T08:06:00.000-08:00

Okey dokey spimokey. I've been trying to move my blog URL for 2 months now, but have been too busy to figure out why it hasn't been working. :) Mrs. Flinger and I have been doing a blog together, and now when you go to www.singlesupermama.com - you'll go directly to our joint blog.

You can still contact me directly at sydney.cole [at] gmail.com - but you know, all put together like a real life email address. :)

Love you guys!
-Syd

save the earth

2008-11-04T08:58:00.000-08:00

This morning I saw this bumper sticker:

SAVE THE EARTH.
HAVE ONLY ONE CHILD.

Does it count if you have only one child per man?

apolitical, mostly

2008-11-03T19:50:00.000-08:00

I am totally apolitical. Mostly.

Joy asked me tonight whether I voted for Obama, and when I told her no, she almost cried. Seriously. What does a 7-year-old know about it? Well. Here's what a 7-year-old knows about it.

After Joy recovered from her shock, she asked me who I voted for (Nader). And she asked me why. I talked (mostly out of my ass, thank you) about some of the issues that are most important to me... education, the environment, small business... And she blew me out of the water.

"Will he stop our war?"

"What?"

"If Barack Obama is president he will tell everyone to stop having war. And John McCain will keep having war. Will your guy tell people to stop having war?"

Oh god. As often is the case, my 7-year-old is able to prioritize the important things in life (i.e. LIFE) better than I am.

bad mom buffet

2008-10-30T08:36:00.000-07:00

Every day, I constantly count the ways in which I am a bad mom.

I'm short-tempered when I wish I could be more patient. I have to work and have my kids in childcare, so they're largely being brought up by someone that isn't me. I don't have time to feed them foods that are as healthy as I'd like. I wish I was more fun, playing with them on the floor and getting dirty outside instead of doing chores all the time... I'm sure you get the idea.

So, on a Wednesday evening when I have had an utterly crappy day... Clara's been teething and throwing temper tantrums, we've both spent a good portion of the day in tears, we've arrived late to daycare and work... and I surrender and take us out to a buffet restaurant for dinner... I do NOT want to get ANY kind of feedback from the so-called "server." Really. I'm not joking.

At the Glory Buffet (or whatever the hell that nasty restaurant in the mall is called), I was serving Clara bits of food on the table. Because people, if I give her a plate, she tosses it on the ground. And I cry. Which no one wants to see. So ANY-WAY, I was dishing her small pre-cut bits of food on the table in front of her high chair, and our 14-year-old server came by to be helpful:

14-year-old Server: "Do you want a plate for her?"
Me: "No thanks."
Server: "I'm happy to get a plate."
Me: "We're good, thanks anyway."
Server: "Well, you do know that she's eating off the table."
Me: "Uh. Yeah. If I give her a plate, she throws it."
Server: "Well... we just clean all our tables with the same rag. It's not very clean."

Seriously? I paid for this?

Learning Curves and Adjustments

2008-10-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

I haven't written much over the last few weeks... because I've been dating a special someone for a little over a month now. So that last 22.4 minutes of the day that I used to use for blogging before I collapsed into bed, is now instead being used for phone conversations or necking (depending on kid arrangements).

I'm definitely on cloud nine. I've got endorphins going like you wouldn't believe (thank heavens, because they're helping make up for the lack of sleep). Everything is going swimmingly, to say the least. But we are, after all, still from Venus and Mars.

This last weekend, when only Miss Clara was with us, we spent the better part of two days together. And it sort of hit me like a ton of bricks: Holy heck, it has been a LONG freaking time since I have shared my living space with another adult.

The man is dear and sweet, and he rinses his bowls and puts them in the drying rack. Directly. Without washing first. I, on the other hand, pick up leaves off the floor after someone walks through the kitchen. Even as the person is standing there looking at me with bewilderment on their face. Obsessive much? I guess so.

I am bucking my seatbelt, ladies and gentlemen. Bring on the learning curves and adjustments.

bedtime quotes

2008-10-20T21:09:00.000-07:00

Actual quotes from Joy at bedtime tonight, screamed at the top of her lungs from her bedroom (no exaggeration necessary, taken straight from the mouth of the 7-year-old):

Today is the BADDEST day of my LIFE, being with you.
It just doesn't seem like you're the perfect mommy.
I HAD to scream, you were driving me NUTS.
It's not FAIR that when I talk you just don't listen - I'm going to YELL again.
I HAD to yell because you weren't letting me do anything except SLEEP.

too cool for school

2008-10-14T21:19:00.000-07:00

Today at the office, I was taking a few pictures of a co-worker with my iPhone. I wanted to note the details in her sweater because it's beautiful, and I think I might be able to knit one like it.

As I was snapping a few shots, I ~~bellowed~~ said, "make love to the camera!" And then I laughed ~~like a hyena~~ melodiously.

And she said, "ssshhhh, they're having a conference call with a client in the next room."

Woops.

sexy jogger

2008-10-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

The eternal problem as a parent... especially as a single parent... is wondering when you're going to fit it all in!

I had to quit my karate classes when I got pregnant with Clara - and ever since, exercise has been catch as catch can. But lately, I've found a perfect solution. I have a college student who comes over just as the girls are going to bed a couple of evenings a week. She stays here at the house while I go take a run... and that way, I don't feel like I'm missing any of my precious time with the girls, and she can fold a few loads of laundry while she's here!

The only problem is that by 7:00 it's already dark outside. So my solution to that little problem is to wear an awesome headlamp. You want me, don't you?

morning routines

2008-10-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

My morning routine is neither long nor drawn out - but Clara watches me very carefully. And she's started copying everything I do. She brushes her hair. She brushes her teeth. And now, she puts on her own deodorant.

I'll never forget the time when Joy was around this age and I found her in front of the mirror, popping an imaginary pimple.

book worm

2008-09-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

She really is my daughter. Now that Joy can read comfortably by herself, she's been reading non-stop. And she's sneaking. Reading with her new little reading light in bed, after bedtime. And if I tell her to get dressed, she'll say "OK mom!" and then I'll catch her huddled on the couch over her book. I swear, I love that kid.

hula hooper

2008-09-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

freaking tired

2008-09-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

I'm tired.

We start at 4 am. Clara has been waking up long before the sun even thinks about rising. And I start with the breakfasts, cleaning, laundry. My own shower before Joy gets out of bed. Then we all eat and get dressed, drop everybody off, I get to work (with a phone call to my mom on the way). Work for the day - maybe a lunch break. Pick everybody up after work. Make dinner, clean it up. Baths, homework. Pajamas. Bottles and reading. Bedtime. Snacks and negotiation. Another bedtime. Check ons. Computer time. More laundry. Dishes. Clean up. Phone time. I'm late getting myself to bed, I'll never get enough sleep to be rested for tomorrow, which is making me feel weepy... and I haven't returned emails or phone calls that I've promised. I am so tired!

finally

2008-09-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

working parents

2008-09-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

I recently went out to dinner with some of my oldest and dearest friends. We've been friends since school, and we maintain a tradition of getting together several times a year for our birthdays - come hell or high water, marriages, divorces, deaths, new jobs, babies - we make it happen. They are my people. And we talk about everything. Well, everything we can squeeze into 2 hours.

One of my beloved friends is a smart and successful businesswoman. And she was talking about a frustration at work with one of her employees who has been falling behind. He's a single dad. His kids keep getting sick, and he has to leave work in the middle of the day to pick them up from daycare. He's presenting a bad example for the other employees.

I didn't say anything at the time. But I am that employee. I leave earlier than everyone else. Last Friday, Joy sat with me at my desk for half the day, playing NickJr.com with earphones and asking questions (camp had ended early that day). And then we went home early. I've had to leave early for my kids' doctor appointments twice already. And I've only had this job for three weeks.

But I believe that I make up for it in other ways. I come in early. I often work through my lunch. I work from home many evenings. And I'm exceptionally good at what I do! And I suppose that's the decision any employer would have to make. Is this employee worth it?

But it also causes me to stop and wonder how much responsibility employers really have to put themselves in our shoes. Do they care what it's like to be a parent? And do they have to?

I keep meaning to talk to my friend about this, and I probably will the next time I see her. Hopefully that will happen before she reads this post. :)

blasted teachers

2008-09-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have sad news. For many years now, on particularly hard days, I have been putting Joy to bed early and ... stretching the truth about it being "bed-time". But it now appears that her DARNED teacher has gone and taught her to tell time. And tonight she said, "NO, mama, it isn't 8:00 yet!"

Damn those blasted teachers. Can't they teach her about ... I don't know, the birds and the bees, or something?

this i believe

2008-09-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

I just finished a highly enjoyable book, This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women.

It's a collection of short essays by all kinds of people (famous and non-famous, old, young, men, women, working, non...) who have summarized their life beliefs. Some of the essays are about God or science, or about service and helping others. Some talk about history in a way that is new and meaningful to me. One starts out, "Be cool to the pizza delivery dude; it's good luck."

I am always fascinated to learn about people's beliefs - and there is a web site about this project: ThisIBelieve.org. You can also listen to many of the essays there as they are archived from the original NPR series, including browsing by topic (i.e. peace or patriotism).

This I Believe is an international project engaging people in writing, sharing, and discussing the core values that guide their daily lives. These short statements of belief, written by people from all walks of life, are archived here and featured on public radio in the United States and Canada, as well as in regular broadcasts on NPR. The project is based on the popular 1950s radio series of the same name hosted by Edward R. Murrow.

second grade separation

2008-09-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

Joy started second grade today.

When she started preschool, she cried and cried and cried. "No more teacher Wendy!" she pleaded, EVERY. GOD-LOVING. DAY.

When she started kindergarten, I was the ONLY mother who had to physically pry her child from her body and sneak away.

In first grade, we started going over the details a week in advance. "And then you're going to walk INto the classroom, right?" "Right." "You'll stay until I put my stuff away, right?" "Right."

This year I was all prepared to park the car and walk her to her classroom. As we neared the school she said, "Oh. Mom, you can just drop me off." "Huh?" "My friends will be outside. You can just drop me off." "Oh. Right. Well. OK, honey."

Now who's the one with separation anxiety?

(P.S. She styled her own hair. And she and Clara got matching hoodies for the first day, as evidenced below.)

social life

2008-09-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

Do you people with jobs and/or kids have social lives? If so, HOW? And WHEN?

words of wisdom

2008-08-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

I only have one thing to say today (care of my jog this morning and Chumbawamba):

I get knocked down.
But I get up again.

Thank you.

forgotten cellist

2008-08-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary (aka internet):

I pulled out my cello tonight and dusted it off. It took me 15 full minutes to tune up properly, pushing as hard as I could on the tuning pegs. It's always hard to tune when I've let it sit for so long. It had been 2 years since I last zipped up the cello case, since my belly had gotten too big with Clara to play comfortably anymore.

I know I've thought I was too busy to play since then. But forgetting that I'm a cellist who loves music like life itself allowed me to forget a huge piece of who I am. A part of me who loves the beautiful and light resonance of chamber music (especially when it's coming from an instrument you're cradling with your own body)... but who also loves the deep, low tones of a wistful song in a minor key. This is the wonder and the dichotomy of the cello, and of life: the major and the minor. It's the wonder and the dichotomy of me.

friday night

2008-08-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

The great advantage of staying friends with my exes, my girls' dads, is that tonight I was totally fried after a long week and they both took the girls until tomorrow morning. I got an unexpected run in after work, and I hope to crash soon - maybe even with a glass of wine. Here's the great music in my iPod this evening. Maybe it will cheer you up, too. Happy Friday!

potty monsters

2008-08-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

We were running late yesterday morning (as per usual) and Joy was in the bathroom for the last 15 minutes before we had to go. Under the guise of getting dressed.

me: "OK, Joy! We gotta go!"
joy: "But I'm not dressed"
me: "What do you mean you're not dressed, you've been in there with your clothes for 15 minutes!?"
joy: "I was performing a play in front of the mirror. About a monster. Who comes out of the toilet and eats your potty."

Of course you were.

saving myself?

2008-08-19T20:03:00.001-07:00

Dad/Former Father-In-Law Disclaimer: I love you guys and am thankful that you support me by reading my blog posts and you're going to want to skip this one. xo.

Sex is on my mind. I'd like to blame it on T and her recent post about being turned on, but I don't really think that was it. I think it has to do with ... other factors that are too personal to divulge on a blog even for me and my obvious inability to keep anything to myself.

I have read a handful of blog posts - largely written by single dads, but not all - that discuss the grand advantages of FWB's (friends with benefits). And I have thought about it. And thought about it. And ... well ... thought about it. Did I mention that I've thought about it? And it sounds pretty great in theory. Except that the idea of actually following through on it makes me feel like I'm cheating on the person I'm supposed to be with. Who is not a real person. Well, I mean, I imagine they're a real person, I just don't know who they are yet. Am I confusing you? Because I'm confusing myself. Which, I suppose, is the problem. That, and the fact that I think I might turn back into a virgin soon.

dragging derrier

2008-08-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

My first day at the new job yesterday was great. It's the best team of people I could hope for - both talented and fun, which you can't beat. But getting all three of us girls ready in the morning and to our respective places for the day - and then home again - has proven to be challenging. And I'm as tired as I was when the girls were newborns, I am dragging ass, pardon my french.

So I promise to post more when I have more than 5 minutes to do so... but for now, here's a dinner idea that worked out great for us yesterday.

COULDN'T BE FASTER TURKEY BREAST DINNER

Put a turkey breast in the crock pot on low before work
When you get home, put gravy on the stove (not as good as home-made but the girls loved it)
Make some quick frozen vegetables (I got organic steam-in-the-bag kind)
Toast some bread
Voila - happy kids in about 5 minutes flat!

It's not gourmet but... well, it worked!

big changes

2008-08-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

For 12 years, I have been self-employed. With the exception of a dot-bomb I worked for briefly, I have supported myself and my family with my computer business since I graduated from college. Even when Joy was young and I was married, my husband was a stay-at-home dad, and I supported the 3 of us with my business. Today will be the last day I work for myself.

I've sold my business and am starting work as an employee on Monday. I'm 95% excited, and 5% scared sh*tless.

The end.