Single Supermama

sexy jogger

2008-10-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

The eternal problem as a parent... especially as a single parent... is wondering when you're going to fit it all in!

I had to quit my karate classes when I got pregnant with Clara - and ever since, exercise has been catch as catch can. But lately, I've found a perfect solution. I have a college student who comes over just as the girls are going to bed a couple of evenings a week. She stays here at the house while I go take a run... and that way, I don't feel like I'm missing any of my precious time with the girls, and she can fold a few loads of laundry while she's here!

The only problem is that by 7:00 it's already dark outside. So my solution to that little problem is to wear an awesome headlamp. You want me, don't you?

morning routines

2008-10-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

My morning routine is neither long nor drawn out - but Clara watches me very carefully. And she's started copying everything I do. She brushes her hair. She brushes her teeth. And now, she puts on her own deodorant.

I'll never forget the time when Joy was around this age and I found her in front of the mirror, popping an imaginary pimple.

book worm

2008-09-30T19:17:00.000-07:00

She really is my daughter. Now that Joy can read comfortably by herself, she's been reading non-stop. And she's sneaking. Reading with her new little reading light in bed, after bedtime. And if I tell her to get dressed, she'll say "OK mom!" and then I'll catch her huddled on the couch over her book. I swear, I love that kid.

hula hooper

2008-09-17T19:27:00.000-07:00

freaking tired

2008-09-15T21:16:00.000-07:00

I'm tired.

We start at 4 am. Clara has been waking up long before the sun even thinks about rising. And I start with the breakfasts, cleaning, laundry. My own shower before Joy gets out of bed. Then we all eat and get dressed, drop everybody off, I get to work (with a phone call to my mom on the way). Work for the day - maybe a lunch break. Pick everybody up after work. Make dinner, clean it up. Baths, homework. Pajamas. Bottles and reading. Bedtime. Snacks and negotiation. Another bedtime. Check ons. Computer time. More laundry. Dishes. Clean up. Phone time. I'm late getting myself to bed, I'll never get enough sleep to be rested for tomorrow, which is making me feel weepy... and I haven't returned emails or phone calls that I've promised. I am so tired!

finally

2008-09-11T19:42:00.000-07:00

working parents

2008-09-08T19:30:00.000-07:00

I recently went out to dinner with some of my oldest and dearest friends. We've been friends since school, and we maintain a tradition of getting together several times a year for our birthdays - come hell or high water, marriages, divorces, deaths, new jobs, babies - we make it happen. They are my people. And we talk about everything. Well, everything we can squeeze into 2 hours.

One of my beloved friends is a smart and successful businesswoman. And she was talking about a frustration at work with one of her employees who has been falling behind. He's a single dad. His kids keep getting sick, and he has to leave work in the middle of the day to pick them up from daycare. He's presenting a bad example for the other employees.

I didn't say anything at the time. But I am that employee. I leave earlier than everyone else. Last Friday, Joy sat with me at my desk for half the day, playing NickJr.com with earphones and asking questions (camp had ended early that day). And then we went home early. I've had to leave early for my kids' doctor appointments twice already. And I've only had this job for three weeks.

But I believe that I make up for it in other ways. I come in early. I often work through my lunch. I work from home many evenings. And I'm exceptionally good at what I do! And I suppose that's the decision any employer would have to make. Is this employee worth it?

But it also causes me to stop and wonder how much responsibility employers really have to put themselves in our shoes. Do they care what it's like to be a parent? And do they have to?

I keep meaning to talk to my friend about this, and I probably will the next time I see her. Hopefully that will happen before she reads this post. :)

blasted teachers

2008-09-04T20:00:00.000-07:00

I have sad news. For many years now, on particularly hard days, I have been putting Joy to bed early and ... stretching the truth about it being "bed-time". But it now appears that her DARNED teacher has gone and taught her to tell time. And tonight she said, "NO, mama, it isn't 8:00 yet!"

Damn those blasted teachers. Can't they teach her about ... I don't know, the birds and the bees, or something?

this i believe

2008-09-04T06:17:00.000-07:00

I just finished a highly enjoyable book, This I Believe: The Personal Philosophies of Remarkable Men and Women.

It's a collection of short essays by all kinds of people (famous and non-famous, old, young, men, women, working, non...) who have summarized their life beliefs. Some of the essays are about God or science, or about service and helping others. Some talk about history in a way that is new and meaningful to me. One starts out, "Be cool to the pizza delivery dude; it's good luck."

I am always fascinated to learn about people's beliefs - and there is a web site about this project: ThisIBelieve.org. You can also listen to many of the essays there as they are archived from the original NPR series, including browsing by topic (i.e. peace or patriotism).

This I Believe is an international project engaging people in writing, sharing, and discussing the core values that guide their daily lives. These short statements of belief, written by people from all walks of life, are archived here and featured on public radio in the United States and Canada, as well as in regular broadcasts on NPR. The project is based on the popular 1950s radio series of the same name hosted by Edward R. Murrow.

second grade separation

2008-09-02T20:59:00.000-07:00

Joy started second grade today.

When she started preschool, she cried and cried and cried. "No more teacher Wendy!" she pleaded, EVERY. GOD-LOVING. DAY.

When she started kindergarten, I was the ONLY mother who had to physically pry her child from her body and sneak away.

In first grade, we started going over the details a week in advance. "And then you're going to walk INto the classroom, right?" "Right." "You'll stay until I put my stuff away, right?" "Right."

This year I was all prepared to park the car and walk her to her classroom. As we neared the school she said, "Oh. Mom, you can just drop me off." "Huh?" "My friends will be outside. You can just drop me off." "Oh. Right. Well. OK, honey."

Now who's the one with separation anxiety?

(P.S. She styled her own hair. And she and Clara got matching hoodies for the first day, as evidenced below.)

social life

2008-09-01T20:32:00.000-07:00

Do you people with jobs and/or kids have social lives? If so, HOW? And WHEN?

words of wisdom

2008-08-28T08:31:00.000-07:00

I only have one thing to say today (care of my jog this morning and Chumbawamba):

I get knocked down.
But I get up again.

Thank you.

forgotten cellist

2008-08-26T19:44:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary (aka internet):

I pulled out my cello tonight and dusted it off. It took me 15 full minutes to tune up properly, pushing as hard as I could on the tuning pegs. It's always hard to tune when I've let it sit for so long. It had been 2 years since I last zipped up the cello case, since my belly had gotten too big with Clara to play comfortably anymore.

I know I've thought I was too busy to play since then. But forgetting that I'm a cellist who loves music like life itself allowed me to forget a huge piece of who I am. A part of me who loves the beautiful and light resonance of chamber music (especially when it's coming from an instrument you're cradling with your own body)... but who also loves the deep, low tones of a wistful song in a minor key. This is the wonder and the dichotomy of the cello, and of life: the major and the minor. It's the wonder and the dichotomy of me.

friday night

2008-08-22T20:02:00.000-07:00

The great advantage of staying friends with my exes, my girls' dads, is that tonight I was totally fried after a long week and they both took the girls until tomorrow morning. I got an unexpected run in after work, and I hope to crash soon - maybe even with a glass of wine. Here's the great music in my iPod this evening. Maybe it will cheer you up, too. Happy Friday!

potty monsters

2008-08-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

We were running late yesterday morning (as per usual) and Joy was in the bathroom for the last 15 minutes before we had to go. Under the guise of getting dressed.

me: "OK, Joy! We gotta go!"
joy: "But I'm not dressed"
me: "What do you mean you're not dressed, you've been in there with your clothes for 15 minutes!?"
joy: "I was performing a play in front of the mirror. About a monster. Who comes out of the toilet and eats your potty."

Of course you were.

saving myself?

2008-08-19T20:03:00.001-07:00

Dad/Former Father-In-Law Disclaimer: I love you guys and am thankful that you support me by reading my blog posts and you're going to want to skip this one. xo.

Sex is on my mind. I'd like to blame it on T and her recent post about being turned on, but I don't really think that was it. I think it has to do with ... other factors that are too personal to divulge on a blog even for me and my obvious inability to keep anything to myself.

I have read a handful of blog posts - largely written by single dads, but not all - that discuss the grand advantages of FWB's (friends with benefits). And I have thought about it. And thought about it. And ... well ... thought about it. Did I mention that I've thought about it? And it sounds pretty great in theory. Except that the idea of actually following through on it makes me feel like I'm cheating on the person I'm supposed to be with. Who is not a real person. Well, I mean, I imagine they're a real person, I just don't know who they are yet. Am I confusing you? Because I'm confusing myself. Which, I suppose, is the problem. That, and the fact that I think I might turn back into a virgin soon.

dragging derrier

2008-08-19T06:19:00.000-07:00

My first day at the new job yesterday was great. It's the best team of people I could hope for - both talented and fun, which you can't beat. But getting all three of us girls ready in the morning and to our respective places for the day - and then home again - has proven to be challenging. And I'm as tired as I was when the girls were newborns, I am dragging ass, pardon my french.

So I promise to post more when I have more than 5 minutes to do so... but for now, here's a dinner idea that worked out great for us yesterday.

COULDN'T BE FASTER TURKEY BREAST DINNER

Put a turkey breast in the crock pot on low before work
When you get home, put gravy on the stove (not as good as home-made but the girls loved it)
Make some quick frozen vegetables (I got organic steam-in-the-bag kind)
Toast some bread
Voila - happy kids in about 5 minutes flat!

It's not gourmet but... well, it worked!

big changes

2008-08-15T12:46:00.000-07:00

For 12 years, I have been self-employed. With the exception of a dot-bomb I worked for briefly, I have supported myself and my family with my computer business since I graduated from college. Even when Joy was young and I was married, my husband was a stay-at-home dad, and I supported the 3 of us with my business. Today will be the last day I work for myself.

I've sold my business and am starting work as an employee on Monday. I'm 95% excited, and 5% scared sh*tless.

The end.

it overload

2008-08-13T22:39:00.001-07:00

Apparently my phone ran out of batteries this afternoon and I missed something like 10 phone calls before I realized it at bedtime. But I hadn't noticed because I was too busy twittering and instant messaging and checking 2 email accounts (I have 4 but only check 2 regularly) and posting to my blog and reading blogs with my feed-reader and building my listening preferences on last.fm and poking/being poked on facebook ...

Seriously, I should take a technology vacation.

karma

2008-08-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

Dear God,

I just want you to know that I am taking good notes.

I know I learn everything the hard way and that I am usually not a very good listener. God knows (haha, get it, God knows?) I keep making my share of mistakes. But I mostly don't repeat the same mistakes. I am writing these things down. I am trying damn - sorry, I mean darn - hard to learn from them.

Stand up for what I believe in. Check.
Figure out what the heck I believe in. Check.
Make my babies the highest priority. Check.
Double up on birth control. Check.
Make big decisions slowly. Check (mostly).
Take care of myself, too. Check.

supermarket hottie

2008-08-10T09:17:00.000-07:00

Here's one reason I may never successfully convince anyone of the opposite sex to date me. There was a hot guy at the grocery store this morning (I'm told this is a good place to meet decent men). The first time I noticed him was in the health food section, calmly carrying a basket on his arm. I, on the other hand, was pushing Clara in the shopping cart and saying "eeeeeh" in a gutteral voice and then she was saying it back to me, like a tennis match. Very attractive at 8 am on a Sunday morning.

The second time I passed him was in the produce section. I didn't notice he was behind us. I was talking out loud to Clara (who, in case you don't know us, is a baby - she doesn't actually talk). "Probably we should get blueberries, since you eat them like they are going out of style. Put those in the cart!" I said brightly. And then I noticed him standing behind us. Maybe laughing at us, or maybe thinking I am crazy. It's hard to say.

At least the THIRD time I passed him (when I suddenly remembered I needed ziplocs and made a violent turn down that aisle and almost ran him over) I wasn't talking to myself.

working mom's dilemna

2008-08-07T12:43:00.000-07:00

I have to start this post by saying that I love the woman that takes care of Clara. She watches her 3 days a week, and she is my savior. Previously, Clara was in a baby-factory that literally gave me nightmares. There were about 12 snotty, crying toddlers per 18-year-old college student - in a room about the size of my bedroom. And it was miserable. I am so glad to be saved from that place, please don't get me wrong. But I am struggling with the standard mommy-guilt.

Clara has been crying. She cries when I leave. She cries when the childcare provider isn't holding her. And she cries bloody murder if the woman leaves the room. And I am a single mom - a working mom, no less. So there really isn't anyone else around to point fingers at.

The first line of questioning went like this. "Have you always held her so much? Maybe you could let her be more independent. Let her cry a little. Allow her to build some confidence being on her own." Well... I hold her a lot. Partly because I don't get to see her enough, and I miss her! And partly because she's a baby. And then there's the fact that I love her.

Anyway, none of that business seemed to help much. So the next approach was more serious. "How old was she when you went back to work?" Well, this one is even more tricky, because I started working again when she was only one week old, because I had to. So, probably that's why she cries. Maybe she's going to grow up to be a serial killer, who knows.

I hate mommy guilt.

the monk downstairs

2008-08-06T19:53:00.000-07:00

I can't stop myself. This book is too good not to be shared, I think as soon as I finish it I will start again. The author is a man, how can he possibly create a character that is right inside my single mom head? Here's another quote:

She frowned over her hair but finally kept it simple with a ponytail; she toyed with creams and powders and brushes before deciding at last that no amount of makeup was going to help in broad daylight on a beach. She spritzed a little cloud of Obsession to walk through, then ducked away from it at the last second. By the time the whole considered process was over, it was almost noon and she looked like exactly what she was, an unremarkable single mom in a sweatshirt, shorts and sneakers. A woman defeated into ordinariness. She shook her head at herself in the mirror and went to fetch Mary Martha.

i'm in love

2008-08-06T17:56:00.000-07:00

You know when you meet someone and you instantly know that you are destined to be the dearest of friends? That is how I feel about the book I've started this week. It's a recommendation by our local celebrities here in Bellingham - Chuck and Dee, owners of Village Books.

The Monk Downstairs is absolutely taking my breath away. I've been staying up too late reading it all week, and it's all tabbed up with quotes that I want to share with anyone who will listen. I'm having a terrible time picking just one - almost every page is hitting close to home for me as a single mom, as a spiritual being, as a woman, as a human. But here is one, and maybe I'll be able to narrow down another one to share when I finish the book.

She felt her frustrated need for ardor as a burden and her longing for depth as a kind of dull pain. Sometimes, to be sure, smoking the last cigarette of the day, looking up at the stars, she would feel for a moment that life was bearable. But that wasn't much to offer a child's soul: Someday, sweetheart, with enough wine and nicotine, you too will be glad just to have survived another day. You may even, briefly, be content. It wasn't enough for anyone, really. But it was what she had.

intimate connections

2008-08-06T17:17:00.000-07:00

So... it occurs to me that my issue with the coffee guy is just that I really wish I could connect with someone intimately. Not like THAT. Well, OK, like that, too. But mostly I want to emotionally and mentally connect with someone on a deep level. And so maybe I was grasping for straws a little bit with my coffee dream man. But I learned something important.

I have great connections. With you! With my friends and my family. With all of the amazing people that surround me in my life. I am not exaggerating when I say that I feel like a blessed woman to have such incredible support and love from the people in my life. I'm good! I've got it goin' on!