Green Ink

Intermission

2009-04-15T13:59:00.001Z

Green Ink has reached the end of its current incarnation.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Green Ink will return.

Sunday Tribune's Positivity Issue

2009-03-16T00:47:00.003Z

The site is down tonight. They may have changed their minds.

Green Ink's Week: The Dogs Have No War

2009-03-15T17:58:00.002Z

New one up on Irish Election.

Green Party Convention 09

2009-03-07T14:00:00.004Z

There's coverage on Twitter, Scribble Live, Gavin's Blog and Mark Coughlin.

RTE Primetime "Live"

2009-03-05T23:21:00.006Z

RTE, please disclose when your interviews are prerecorded. Otherwise you're FUCKING LYING.

UPDATE: Duke MacGyver captured it for posterior:

Rolling On Floor In Rage Copter

2009-03-04T20:03:00.003Z

Oh fuck me does it ever stop? Martin Cullen today defended his airborne taxi trip:
"Minister Cullen agreed the affair looks bad in light of the way it is presented by the media."

Ok. Ok. Ok. Ok... Ok. Sorry, no. Did you just say using a helicopter as a taxi looks bad because it was reported? You did didn't you? Sorry Martin old bean, we'll all just look over here while you swan around the skies doing NOTHING. Best we just don't find out about it.

"The minister said if he had not used the helicopter he would have spent around nine hours in the car that day, when he could have been attending meetings."

Ok, but did you attend any meetings motherfucker? You could have been inventing a cure for cancer as well but I bet you weren't. You could have been distributing hot meals to the elderly, but I bet you weren't. You could even have spent 9 hours looking out the car window reflecting on what a godawful cunt you are. But I bet you didn't.

Here's a modest proposal. Let's stop all public spending on Waterford until we've made back the total cost of the e-voting fist fuck that Cullen was up to his elbows in. The people of Waterford can either sit it out until the amount is matched, wait for a general election and pull his seat from under him, or all show up at his house one morning and kick him to fucking pieces. It's multiple choice Waterford. You know what they say about multiple choice questions?

The answer is always C.

Mary Coughlan In Gratuitous Beaver Shot

2009-03-04T00:22:00.004Z

Jeshus howsh it goin' lads? I'm the Tanaiste! Wild craic!
Ye know that Paul Gogarty's a big ride. Those come to bed ears, I swear to fuck! Anyway, got a kuntray to ruin!
Aw fuck d'ye hear me? Run I meant! Jeshus Chrisht!

Brains...

2009-03-03T15:37:00.004Z

...they want to eat them. Gaze upon the sweaty nightmare of heart attack fodder, this zombie corps of clientelism, the politically inbred eunuchs of thought.
These are the gormless fucks that have sucked the country's marrow dry.

This rambling mass of the political undead has one craving: power for its party over the good of the country. These are the bastard children of Charles Haughey, and their putrid hearts pump the bile of greed through the body politic.
But some zombies have bad footing. Watch FF's resident BeeGee John Foley to Davin-Power's left. Heh.
Zombie fall down.

Roflcopter! But Seriously, No More Fucking Helicopters

2009-03-03T00:48:00.006Z

Martin Cullen narrowly missed becoming one less mouth to feed yesterday when the door fell of his helicopter which is a shame on one hand but at least the pilot's significant other has still got a significant other. A slight lurch on the way down might have dislodged the useless cunt in the back seat headfirst into the nearest pile of cowshite. No such luck this time, but surely the Minister can get his blowjobs closer to home?
Seriously, you pack of utter cunts, stop fannying around in helicopters. In fact, stay indoors. We don't want to see you and you're going to get a puck in the gob for starters when we do.
And that's just for fannying around in helicopters. The public might seem quiet at the moment about your flushing jobs and money down the toilet, but we're actually way way over there in the distance to get a good run at your big, rancorous, wasting holes.

Did Fianna Fail Get Its Own Web Address Wrong?

2009-02-28T23:08:00.006Z

Suzy, Damien and I assume Mick, among others got the following email after the ~~rousing rendition of Somewhere Over the Rainbow~~ Leader's Speech at the Fianna Fail Ard Fheis tonight:

Dear friend,

I’ve just come off stage at Fianna Fáil’s Ard Fheis, where I’ve outlined the difficult measures we’re having to take to help return the country to growth. I was frank about the scale of the problems we face, but I’m optimistic about the ability of the Irish people to meet these challenges through the hard work and ingenuity we’ve always shown. We’re a resilient and creative nation and we’ll meet our challenges together.

You’ve heard from me, now I want to hear from you.

I’m asking each of you to submit a question for me, which I’ll answer as many as I can via video right here on the new Fianna Fáil website. Submit your questions at:

http://www.fiannafail.com/askthetaoiseach

To better serve you, and to help lead us out of this recession, I want to hear what you thought of my speech, the questions you might have about some of the important measures I’ve announced and your ideas about how Fianna FÃƒÆ’Ã‚Â¡il can set Ireland back on the road to growth and renewed prosperity.

Ask me questions - as directly as you want to - and I’ll answer them in the clearest terms possible. I want to embrace a new openness and engage with you in honest conversation about the direction of the country. Post a question for me:

http://www.fiannafail.ie/askthetaoiseach

Our Ard Fheis is finishing up now and I’d like to thank the many thousands of Fianna Fail members who came and made their voices heard.

Wishing you and your family security in these difficult times,

Brian Cowen

Taoiseach

P.S. if you were unable to attend the Ard Fheis or missed the coverage on television and radio, we covered the event on our website and we’ll be adding more speeches and video over the coming days.

That first URL goes nowhere. In the same week they fucked up the FF website launch they manage to fuck up another strand of their online outreach reacharound.
Epicer and Epicer FAIL.

Brian Cowen Inspirational Hero Uber-Taoiseach

2009-02-28T22:38:00.004Z

Taoiseach Brian Cowen explaining through mime this evening his plan to free Ireland from recession.

Bodies the Exhibition

2009-02-28T19:16:00.001Z

Mmmm. Death porn.

#ffaf

2009-02-28T18:50:00.003Z

Makes you feel a bit sick, doesn't it?

#ffaf on twitter.

RTE And The Long Arm Of The Law

2009-02-28T12:24:00.004Z

Looks like the RTE newsroom had a few scoops before filing this breathless story.

" The device was found on the person of a man in his mid 20s who was arrested in Athlone this afternoon by gardaí in Galway following the recovery of a fireman."

OK BUT WHAT HAPPENED THE FIREMAN???? And how long are the arms on those Guards in Galway who can arrest someone that's in Athlone? Now that's policework.

Free Oral Sex For Bloggers On Ryanair Flights

2009-02-27T00:20:00.004Z

By Made in Hollywood.

The Rospars of Ob

2009-02-25T22:28:00.001Z

Joe Rospars Talk: Fianna FAIL Web 2.0

2009-02-25T19:29:00.010Z

Fianna Fail have managed to completely cunt any potential relationship they might have had with bloggers. Read the tweets for the Joe Rospars (Obama's webby guy) talk, which turned into the launch of the new FF website for bloggers who thought they were there to hear Joe Rospars.

UPDATE: FionnTimes has a screengrab from Strawberry Media billing for the event. No mention of Fianna FAIL.

UPDATE 2: The Rospars of Ob.

Irish Blog Awards 2009

2009-02-23T15:29:00.002Z

That was... fucking great. They should have it every year.

Mervyn Storey- Dear God, What Were You Thinking?

2009-02-13T12:24:00.002Z

Mervyn Storey clearly needs proof that there is no intelligent design. Green Ink recommends precise measurements taken from reflectulation in a science mirror.

Entire Green Party Possessed By Alan Partridge

2009-01-24T18:42:00.002Z

Via Suzy.

Special Request: Senator Donie Cassidy

2009-01-23T01:08:00.005Z

Senator Donie Cassidy, Fianna Fail fuckwit at the request of Declan.

If there's a particular maleficent cunt in public life you'd like to see get the Green Ink treatment, drop us a line. There's an awful lot to choose from.

Green Party News

2009-01-22T18:24:00.002Z

Awardipants

2009-01-21T02:25:00.003Z

Photo owned by Eoin O'Mahony (cc)

Green Ink by two by the looks of things: Best Political Blog and Best Humour Blog.

What's wrong with you people? This is neither political nor humourous. This is a baaaad place. You shouldn't come here. Go on. Fuck off.

(Thanks for the nom nom.)

Green Ink's Week: The Quiet Man

2009-01-21T02:13:00.002Z

This week on Irish Election: Brian Cowen never mentioned the IMF...

Green Ink Exclusive: Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital Goes to Hell

2009-01-12T23:24:00.006Z

Green Ink can reveal tonight the HSE's masterplan regarding Drogheda's Our Lady of Lourdes Hospital. A leaky artery has revealed that not only is the hospital closed to A&E and surgical cases, it is being moved in its entirety to Hell.

The move is the final phase of the hospital's 30 year plan, Green Ink has learned. The manager of the hospital, Des O'Flynn was unavailable for comment tonight. According to a spokesdemon Mr. Flynn is preparing for a massive human sacrifice in the morning, which will open a portal to Hell. Once Mr. Flynn has established the portal it is believed he and disgraced obstetrician and High Lord of the Third Circle of GGryxxxxxllnqqqqq Michael Neary will begin to have sex with the corpses as part of a levitation spell which will transport the entire building and the souls trapped within to Hell.

In scenes not reminiscent of 9/11 terrified staff at the hospital have been jumping to their deaths from ground floor windows. One survived long enough to pass Green Ink his mobile phone on which he had taken a photograph of another of the senior demons. Readers may find the malice in this photo horrific and beyond normal human comprehension:

Another spokesdemon for the hospital said the situation was "blah blah platitude platitude". He then ate a baby and picked his teeth with its bones. In gutteral otherworldly tones he revealed that former Financial Regulator Pat Neary would be taking up the post of Defilement Regulator.

There are no plans to change the hospital's name with the move. it is being kept as an affront to God Almighty, as indeed the hospital has been run for the last 30 years. Further coverage can be found on RTE. Jesus Christ.