Michelle Obama Suicide Watch

Michelle's Inferno

2012-11-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

The first circle of Hell: suffocating fear
"People are afraid. It’s like fear creates this veil of impossibility, and it is hanging over all of our heads."

The second circle of Hell: fear plus isolation
"And the problem with fear is that it cuts us off. Fear is the worst enemy. It cuts us off from one another and our own families, and our communities, and it has certainly cut us off from the rest of the world. We don't know our neighbors. We don't talk. We believe that our pain is our own - we don't realize that the struggles and challenges of all of us are the same. We are too isolated."

The third circle of Hell: spiraling downward
"When you don’t have much, when you know how precious life is, even in the worst state, you are afraid to give up what you have for fear that something different will be worse. But the truth of the matter is things have gotten worse."

The fourth circle of Hell: fruitless struggle
"And folks are struggling like never before, working harder than ever, believing that their hard work will lead to some reward, some payoff. But what they find is that they get there and the bar has changed, things are different, wasn’t enough. So you have to work even harder."

The fifth circle of Hell: yet more fruitless struggle
"You work and you struggle, you do everything that they say, and you think you’re getting close to the bar and you’re working hard, and you’re sacrificing, and then you get to the bar, you’re right there, you’re reaching out for the bar, you think you have it, and then what happens? They move the bar. They raise it up. They shift it to the left and to the right. It’s always just quite out of reach."

The sixth circle of Hell: loneliness
"You don’t have time to get to know your neighbor. You don’t have time to reach out and have conversations, to share stories. In fact, you feel very alone in your struggle, because you feel that somehow, it must be your fault that you’re struggling so hard. Everybody else must be doing okay. I must be doing something wrong, so you hide."

The seventh circle of Hell: no handle on life
"When your world’s not right, no matter how hard you work, then you become afraid of everyone and everything, because you don’t know whose fault it is, why you can’t get a handle on life."

The eighth circle of Hell: no chance for enlightenment
"On top of all the other worries that families have, now they’re worried about education. Teachers don’t have the resources to teach."

The ninth circle of Hell: back-breaking labor until the day you die
"My father, like most Americans, just wanted to know that after a lifetime of hard work and sacrifice that one day, he could put his feet up and look over all that he had done and retire with a little respect and dignity. That’s all most Americans want. But the truth is, right now, that little nugget of a dream that was my life is getting further and further out of reach for most Americans."

Hell is packed with cynics
"We are still a nation that is still too cynical. We look at it as 'them' and 'they' as opposed to 'us' - we don't engage because we are still too cynical."

Hell is packed with broken souls
"We have to fix our souls. Our souls are broken in this nation."

Hell: Newberry, South Carolina
"I think about this little girl in Newberry, South Carolina. And she was ten years old. She said do you realize that when your husband becomes the next president of the United States, it will be historical? But I thought to say well, what does that mean to you? And she said it means that I can imagine anything for myself. And then that little girl started to cry. I mean, she broke down in hard tears, streaming down her face, sobbing. This little girl gets it. See, she knows what’s at stake. She knows that she’s probably already five steps behind in schools that are underfunded, without the resources to prepare her. She knows that if she or her family gets sick, she doesn’t have access to a primary care doctor. She’s going to be sitting in some ER for hours on end. She knows that her parents' work situation is hit or miss. They don’t know what’s going to happen day to day. She knows that. But you know what she also knows? That she’s so much better than this nation’s limited expectations of her. And all she has is hope. That’s all she has, is a little hoping and praying, and she’s hoping upon hope that we get this right. She is hoping that we get this right. There are parts of that little girl in all of us, especially those of us who are struggling, who have hit some ceiling where they’ve been told you’re not good enough, that you’re not ready, that you’re not smart enough. No, don’t, you can’t, wait your turn. We have all heard those limits."

America is Hell for the old
"And in the time when they should be able to rest, they are now in a position where that pension they had, if they’re lucky to have it, isn’t enough to cover their cost of living. Folks are trying to go back to work, get retrained. There’s no time to rest. See, and the problem with our seniors' situation is that we need to be more selfish, because we need our seniors. We need them whole and healthy, and ready to take on the challenges of helping all of us raise the next generation. But see, seniors can’t do that if they’re still in their own struggle."

America is Hell for the young
"And our fear is helping us to raise a nation of young doubters, young people who are insular and they’re timid. And they don’t try, because they already heard us tell them why they can’t succeed."

College entrance exams: uniquely American, uniquely hellish
"You cannot measure the success of a child by a single test. And if that were the case, I wouldn’t be here, because I was not a good test taker. How many kids do you know who are like me?"

UPDATES FROM HELL

2012-11-03T12:00:00.000-07:00

We've been monitoring Michelle's progress since we debuted, and we'll keep posting until she either escapes her Inferno, loses her battle with her demons, or shuts the Hell up

A ray of comfort?

2009-04-13T01:13:00.000-07:00

At least she's now smarter than most of her fellow hellions
"I think I was like most Americans. Pretty oblivious to the life of military families. Sort of taking it for granted."
--Michelle Obama, successor to a White House in which the President wrote personal letters to the families of the more than 4000 troops who have died in Afghanistan and Iraq, and met with more than 500 families of troops killed in action and with more than 950 wounded veterans

Kurr-ij (sp?): something new in Hell

2008-09-23T20:03:00.000-07:00

Although it sounds very much like something that was going around in 1776
"I'll vote for young people across America -- and the generations of young people that will follow, who will someday look back at this time with gratitude that we summoned the courage to begin building the world as it should be."

An ominous attempt to muffle Michelle's despair?

2008-09-18T12:46:00.000-07:00

"Where is Michelle Obama?"
9,190 hits on Google as of September 18

Sing-along with Michelle!

2008-09-06T11:29:00.000-07:00

"Who to the college of the wretched hypocrites art come, disdain not to tell who thou art."

2008-08-27T13:14:00.001-07:00

"I have dedicated years of my career to national service."
--Michelle Obama, whose resume includes no national service, exhorting her audience to national service

Surprising early steps on the path to despair

2008-08-26T12:15:00.000-07:00

"This is the person who -- even though we were allowed only one hour of television a night -- somehow managed to commit to memory every single episode of The Brady Bunch."
--Craig Robinson on his sister, Michelle Obama

Hell-ese

2008-08-26T12:13:00.000-07:00

Trite, outdated social commentary
"Black women have not been reflected at so many different levels. Our images are limited to such a small number of things."

Hmmm. Does Satan know Michelle's been receiving intel from outside the Fiery Gates?

2008-08-26T11:25:00.001-07:00

"America should be a place where you can make it if you try. We know what our world should look like. We know what fairness and justice and opportunity look like."

Citizenship in Hell

2008-08-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

Doubters and fraidy-cats keep feeding the furnace
"One day, your sons and daughters will tell their own children about what we did together in this election. They'll tell them how this time, we listened to our hopes, instead of our fears. How this time, we decided to stop doubting and to start dreaming."

"We've been nullified by the fear-mongers. It's almost as if people have voted against their best personal interests because they've been so afraid of what could happen."

Hell: disappoint, rinse, repeat

2008-08-25T22:05:00.000-07:00

"Again"?
"I know people want to protect us and themselves from disappointment and failure, from the possibility of being let down again -- not by us, but by the world as it is. A world that we fear might not be ready for a decent man like Barack."

An ominous attempt to muffle Michelle's despair?

2008-08-25T10:06:00.000-07:00

'There was a joke among reporters sunburned to a crisp yesterday in long, hot security lines outside the Pepsi Center. It was: how many times tonight will she assure us that she is, indeed “proud of America?” That she is indeed Exhibit A in the-only-in-America-is-this possible category? The smart money says dozens of times. At least.'
--Margery Eagan, "Tonight is damage-control time for Michelle Obama"

(Ms. Eagan also says, "I’m an Obama rooter.")

So why is it that North Koreans, Cubans, and Sudanese prefer Michelle's Inferno to theirs?

2008-08-24T02:05:00.000-07:00

Simple: they're deluded
"The world is watching us. The world still believes in that magical America, that great democracy. They think there is fairness and justice here on these shores."

Religion

2008-08-24T02:01:00.000-07:00

In heaven, you will do what you are supposed to do
"So everybody's going to try to be a hedge fund manager or a corporate lawyer and see, we don't need any more of those folks. We need teachers and nurses and social workers. But we can't expect young people to do that if they can't afford to survive on those salaries. So again, the bar is shifting and moving; you thought you were doing everything that you were supposed to do."

The Gospel
"When he graduated from college, he could have gone to Wall Street, made a lot of money. But instead he became a community organizer."
--Michelle Obama distinguishing the Democrat nominee from his opponent, who could have escaped a POW camp where he was tortured but instead stayed on in solidarity with his fellow prisoners

And lo! he saved them from becoming hedge fund managers or corporate lawyers
"Coming into some of the toughest neighborhoods on the South Side of Chicago, working with people who had a reason to give up hope and be cynical, because they had been forgotten. Barack worked for years with young mothers, busing them down to City Hall, helping them find their voice to advocate for change."

Salvation
"I start dreaming and thinking about the day that this country can muster up the courage and the wisdom to elect a man like Barack Obama."

Are fathers invisible in Hell?

2008-08-20T14:47:00.000-07:00

Is there even a word for "father" in Hell-ese?
"Another working mom had a good job in a medical company, but she still couldn't afford child care for her only son. Her son had to stay home; luckily she had a family member. But she was worried because her doctor said that her child had some developmental issues and could benefit from being in a more social environment, and that she should put him in daycare. But she can't afford it. So she's worried that because she can't afford daycare, her son is missing out."

Economics in Hell: You can't pay rent and support a family on minimum wage
"I heard from Sister Berta. She works a lot with foster kids and mothers struggling to keep their lives together. She sees those mothers trying hard. They're working at fast food joints, making beds at hotels and hospitals, but they just can't save enough to afford rent."

This is what happens when "society" asks you to have children first, go to college second, get a job third, and then raise your daughter to do the same thing
"I heard from a 40-year-old single mother. Two daughters and a 17-month-old granddaughter. She makes $75,000 a year, but her student loan costs are $100,000. It'll take her twenty or thirty years to pay off that student loan debt, making monthly payments of $700 or $800 a month. On top of that, she faces soaring health costs because of her own mother's illness. This woman did everything that society asked of her. Even though she had children at a young age, she went back to college. She and her girls don't live extravagantly. Their one pleasure was to go out maybe once a week to Taco Tuesday. They can't do that anymore. I hear these stories everywhere I go, from women doing everything that's asked of them."

Michelle identifies her demons:

2008-08-12T15:11:00.000-07:00

Us
"Change requires change in us first."

The lake of fire

2008-08-12T15:05:00.000-07:00

"We're not where we need to be right now for our kids. We are still struggling in this nation with a level of cynicism and fear that is drowning them."

Every time Satan opens a window, he slams a door

2008-08-12T11:45:00.000-07:00

An education is just a prelude to debt
"Employers often fail to recognize that you've been moved from base to base to base and can't keep a consistent work record. One spouse in a discussion, a former military herself, told me she gave up looking for work at one point. Then she went back to school to become a nurse -- which was a good thing, right? But only to find out that now she's facing staggering student loans. I hear those stories everywhere I go."
--Michelle Obama speaking to military families

What's a $317,000 salary worth if your employer callously fails to guarantee that you'll be a good parent?
"Throughout my life I have been told that I could have it all. And the truth of the matter is that you can't. We have to lift up our voices in these places of business and demand that CEOs and owners of large companies take the necessary steps to make sure that women like me can continue to work and raise our families and be good parents and mothers."

A ray of hope?

2008-08-10T02:11:00.000-07:00

Someone out there understands the pain of choosing to toil in the field of "community and external affairs" for $317,000 a year instead of letting your $4mil husband support the family
"My husband Barack Obama is one of the few people who gets it. He's watched my struggle, and the pain that I have had as a woman out here trying to forge a career for myself and be a good mother and balance a household, and change the mind of how men work in the household. That has been our life struggle."

Michelle identifies her demons:

2008-08-10T01:54:00.001-07:00

We
"Are we ready? We've come 80 percent of the way, but in order to get over the finish line, we're going to have to step outside of our comfort zone. We're going to have to engage in ways that we haven't engaged before."

A stab at cognitive therapy

2008-08-10T01:41:00.000-07:00

Think, Michelle: who's being cynical here?
"I am so tired and disappointed in the direction of the country. I've got two little girls that I love desperately, and I want them to grow up in a society where fear is not the leading emotion. I don't want them to grow up with the cynicism."

Michelle's enablers speak

2008-08-04T21:27:00.000-07:00

Michelle Obama Watch wonders if Hell is hot enough for all of us
"Can whites also be offended on Michelle’s behalf?"

The Angry Black Woman suggests Take a Negress to the Altar Week
"Obama’s wife Michelle is black. The simple act of loving a black woman has become, for black men, a declaration of radical activism. So I’m hoping his choice will inspire others."

What About Our Daughters? discovers a new Constitutional right as Michelle and Barack resign Reverend Wright's church
"This is America, people have the right to worship or not worship the God or Goddess of their choice without their congregation being descended upon by outsiders taking notes."

Fackin Truth Blog shares the fackin truth
"The Future First Lady spoke frankly about things we can all see and agree about. Electing the wrong president this year can - and probably will - bankrupt this nation. I believe the heart of man, while on a scary decline today, will also go bankrupt without a major shift in the next administration."

The Daily Kos asks, Is this the face that mothballed a thousand ships?
"That's the power of Michelle, she's the reason we won't be getting suckered into pointless wars with other countries."

Your choice, little hellions:

2008-07-25T22:53:00.001-07:00

The trappings of normal life, or BOILING PITCH!!
"I tell the young people I talk to: the difference between success and failure in our society is a very slim margin. You almost have to have that perfect storm of good parents, self-esteem, and good teachers."

Apparently, they don't have YouTube in Hell

2008-07-25T22:52:00.000-07:00

Otherwise, Michelle would know the answer to this question
"Rebellion for me is articulating my views, trying to be honest about what I see. I don't think a lot of people in the public arena do that, because why are people so amazed when I do?"