Warhorse Chaplain's Story

DIGIJOURNAL 029--22 OCT 2007

2007-10-23T11:56:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 22OCT07

Friends,

I just finished my morning PT (Physical Training), which includes a couple of laps around the patrol base. I had been running on a treadmill, but most of those are now out of service. It is better to run outside anyway. During my second lap, two helicopters came in, and the sunrise painted the Blackhawks a pleasant orange and red. It is not all ugliness over here. My run is more like a steeple chase. Instead of jumping over hurdles and through water, I try to avoid the ponds of moon dust, piles of ankle-spraining rocks, and various tanker trucks cleaning out the latrines. Despite all this, running in morning over here is my favorite time of the day. I think of how Christ used to spend time alone in the morning praying and thinking about his upcoming day. No matter what mood I am in, the sunrise always makes me smile.

U2’s “City of Blinding Lights” came up on my playlist while I circled our little piece of America. I first heard this song when I was jogging at LSA Anaconda, waiting for my return flight to the States after my first deployment. The song, for me, has come to represent the bittersweet feelings of coming home. We have a memorial wall in our chapel that has the pictures and bios of all the soldiers we have lost. I was speaking with one of our soldiers about the date, April 8th, when 1LT N died. It was Easter morning. I am very happy to be coming home, but not completely happy. Some folks are not coming home with us.

Sports leagues are sprouting up all over the patrol bases in an effort to fight boredom. C Company had a very robust flag/tackle football league, complete with jerseys, a playoff, trophies, and an all-pro game. The guys at Paliwoda have either taken to the basketball court to play combat hoops (no blood or compound fracture, no foul) or our lighted volleyball court. I never thought infantryman would take their volleyball so seriously.

I am off to play some basketball. Hope you all have a blessed week.

DIGIJOURNAL 028--21 OCT 2007

2007-10-23T11:45:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 21OCT07

Friends,
A few observations before signing off for the day…

While at Paliwoda, which I affectionately call Camp Polliwog, my chaplain assistant and I share a room split only by a half-completed wall. As I write this, I hear whatever techno band he is listening to at the moment blasting through his headphones as he cleans his M9 pistol and his M4 rifle. The harsh metallic clangs made by a sliding rifle bolt or the charging of a pistol are the only sounds that interrupt the dull pulse of music. I have just finished my evening service, where we looked at Psalm 65 and talked about the inner joy that Christians should have because of God’s grace. I am struck by how much of what I do (or, I hope, what God does through me) depends upon that pistol and that rifle. No matter what opinion I might have about combat or what complex theological ruminations I have concerning war, my life depends upon the training, skill, and discipline of a 21-year-old from Efrata, Pennsylvania.
When I am out on a patrol, some soldiers marvel at my “courage” because I do not carry a weapon (per Army regulation). I would be kidding myself if I claimed courage. It is not courage. Instead, my willingness to venture out of the FOBs with the troops, even without a weapon, is one part ignorance, one part stupidity combined with four parts of the tactical competence of our soldiers, many of whom cannot legally drink and are barely old enough to vote. When I am out in sector, which is much rarer for me than it is for the majority of our troopers, I do not think about my death or other impending threat. In fact, I try not to think of anything that serious at all. I just look for changes and things out of the ordinary that might signal that the enemy is going to try to do something. If ever I am afraid (reminding everyone that I am the “ignorance is bliss” chaplain not the John Wayne-swagger soldier), I find immediate comfort in the number of soldiers around me, their personal courage, their readiness for a fight, and the quantity of weapons systems the average infantry squad employs.
At any given moment, I think it is realistic, and perhaps a little generous, for me to expect that 25% of the soldiers know and like me, 25% have no use for me, and 50% do not even have me on their radar. I wish I could think of myself as the “beloved chaplain,” but it is just not true. And it is not false modesty but rather a realistic assessment of what our soldiers deserve and what limited offerings I bring to the table that allow me to accept this honest vision. What I do know and take comfort in is that 100% of our soldiers do not want to be that unit that loses its mascot to the opposing team. Whatever they think of me, they do not want to be embarrassed by my wounding or worse.
42 more days, 4 hours, 40 minutes, and 32 seconds and a bunch of mal-adjusted, cowardly, hateful theocrats are all that stands between us and home, but who is counting and who is bitter?

We thank you for your support and your prayers and the time you take to read these grammatically incorrect and misspelled screeds. God bless you all.

DIGIJOURNAL 027--19 OCT 2007

2007-10-23T11:34:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 19OCT07

Friends,

I am sorry that I have not posted an entry in almost two months. CPL C and I have traveled across our area of operations giving redeployment briefs. Most of the battalion hit the one-year-in-country mark in early October. Additionally, the loss of two soldiers in September sent many of us into a funk. I think we all, at some level, are suffering from emotional fatigue. In the days ahead, I will try to get in a few more updates chronicling what it is like getting ready to redeploy. For brevity’s sake, I will use the bullet-comment format to share with you some of my observations. Here are some (in no particular order):

As we start to prepare to return home, time has slowed. I feel like I am back in my college physics class. I have a countdown clock on my computer desktop, but it never seems to move. I have finally taken the advice of one of our soldiers to stop counting, for it only seems to make it worse.
There has been much talk about the declining standards of new recruits coming into the Army. Statistically, standards may have dropped, but we are still seeing high-quality Americans joining the Army. One of the soldiers killed in early September was a 19-year-old Specialist, had just arrived to the unit, was full of enthusiasm, was highly-trained, and volunteered to go out on missions, including the one resulting in his death. Personally, I have lost patience with the crowd who doubts the professionalism of our troops. I would argue that we are the best- trained, the most moral, and have exercised the greatest amount of restraint towards non-combatants than any other Army in our history. I have concluded my redeployment briefs with the comment of how great our soldiers are. Despite all the hardships my family and I have endured during this deployment, being able to associate and serve our men and women in uniform has made any sacrifice worth it.
Another hot topic on editorial pages has been the lack of service on behalf of the sons and daughters of our country’s educational, economic, and political elite. I think, for one, that this statistic is inflated. I have met several officers and enlisted who come from what many would call the upper middle class. However, I agree that, despite this, the service of the sons and daughters of our Brahmin class is proportionately under-represented. The most popular solution to this problem is to reinstate the draft. Make no mistake about this: most of those who want to reinstate the draft do not want to improve the military, but instead they want to create enough chaos within the military to end the war. Those in power will be able to get deferments; they always have and always will. I would much rather have someone who wants to be fighting on my left and my right flank than someone who was forced to be there. Critics complain that the leadership of the military is out of touch with our civilian elite. What they do not consider is that our civilian elite might be out of touch with who the military still represents: the American people. The problem might be with the people who have the time and money to get elected to high office. Maybe our own voting habits, when combined with a desire for entertainment and to get as many benefits from the government as possible, have given us the government we deserve. I am not a Republican or a Democrat, and I subscribe to the old-school belief that officers should not vote in elections since they serve on behalf of the electorate. I do not have a dog in this fight. I do have a love for the military, not as an organization but for the people who serve. I believe with all my heart that our service men and women really are the best our country has to offer. All I ask of our political leadership, Republican, Democrat, or Independent, is let us serve without trying to score political points off our service, be they positive or negative. Hold us accountable, criticize us when we need it, be skeptical of military power grown too elite, or corrupt, or self-centered, but do not impugn our character. You did that to us in the seventies, and we have a long memory. We will not stand by and let you do it to us again.
The last point has to do with your continued support. October 15th will be the last day you can send mail to us. If you send things to us after this date, it might get returned. Many have asked if they could send items to my replacement. I think that will be possible, but I do not know who he is or when he will arrive. I will publish that info as soon as he gets here. I will also attempt to keep the thank you notes coming and the gift list updated, but, as we approach our redeployment date, tracking all these things will be difficult. Please know that what you send is greatly appreciated and has been used to make our soldiers’ lives brighter and the Iraqi’s lives better.

I am off to write my sermon. God bless you all.

DIGIJOURNAL 026--3 SEPT 2007

2007-09-04T10:38:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 3SEP07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

Dear Friends,
It seems like the days fill up with activity but pass too slowly as our hearts yearn for home. The weather is still incredibly hot, but we have finally seen some clouds in the sky…a reminder that fall is coming, bringing with it much needed rain.

A couple of weeks ago we had our new division chaplain, CH (LTC) Tom Wheatley, down to speak at our prayer breakfast. I was pleasantly surprised by the number of soldiers who showed up at 0700 in the morning. Our schedule, what we call our battle rhythm, usually has our soldiers staying up late into the evening, so it was a real effort for them to come so early. I am easily shamed by their devotion. I have had a soldier come to our Saturday afternoon Bible study soaking wet after enduring an 18-hour patrol. There are so many faithful men here.

CH Wheatley is a great guy and true mentor. Sadly, there are many chaplains who identify too much with their rank and not enough with the cross. I am always trying to find veteran chaplains to guide and direct me, but it is hard to discover them....fortunately for me, CH Wheatley came our way.

CH Wheatley was an inspiration to our soldiers. Years ago he completed Ranger school as a chaplain and has served in the Ranger Regiment and the Ranger Training Brigade. Not going to Ranger school has always been one of the great regrets of my military career. I have a tremendous respect for anyone who wears the Tab. And, because of his Ranger Tab, CH Wheatley had "instant" credibility with our guys.

I took him on a tour of Patrol Base Paliwoda. Both he and his assistant, MSG Holliday, enjoyed speaking with our soldiers. I left them for a moment, as they spoke with some of our tower guards, to watch a patrol of Bradleys and humvees leave the base. The dull, repetitive, clunking noise of a Bradley as it rolls into battle will be one of those sounds of war that will always be in my mind. No matter how many times I have watched it before, I still get emotional watching our “Joes” plod off to go one more time into the breach. What great men, courageous men, they truly are.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

FROM THE CHAPLAIN’S BOOKSHELF

On Combat: The Psychology and Physiology of Deadly Conflict in War and in Peace
By Dave Grossman

This is the follow-up book to the national bestseller On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by LTC (Ret) Dave Grossman. LTC Grossman began his look into the psychological components of killing on the battlefield while he was a professor of psychology at West Point. In this book, he places the focus on what is needed to produce effective and professional warriors in society. While a little plodding at times and heavy on the examples taken from law enforcement, it is nonetheless a valuable study on how people experience the stresses of combat.

The Five Love Languages, Men’s Edition
By Gary Chapman

Mr. Chapman has developed an entire industry around his five love languages concept. The book and the concept highlights the basic differences in how couples communicate love. This men’s edition is a very easy read with summaries and questions at the end of every chapter. This would be a good book (with wives reading the original edition) to read prior to redeployment.

Seize the Fire: Heroism, Duty, and the Battle of Trafalgar
By Adam Nicolson

A very interesting book that does a great job of highlighting the personalities, leadership styles, and ethos of the British Navy, the world’s most powerful military force at the time. Centered around the historic battle of Trafalgar, Mr. Nicolson brings out the drama, suffering, and heroism of all the classes of individuals serving on the most complicated war machines of their day. Interspersed in his narrative are several primary source accounts of what took place and what the major players were thinking.

Cannery Row
By John Steinbeck

John Steinbeck produced this novel in response to his soldier-fans in WWII wanting him to write something funny and not serious. Loosely based upon the life of his close friend, the biologist Ed Ricketts, Steinbeck uses the real town of Monterey, California as the backdrop to the lives of his colorful characters that prowl and party on cannery row. An entertaining, heartbreaking, and nostalgic look and a slice of pre-WWII America.

Brave New World
By Aldous Huxley

Aldous Huxley’s novel of the future is the foil to George Orwell’s 1984. In Huxley’s world, people are not dominated by an aggressive police state but through methods of eugenics, narcotics, and entertainment. 1984 has come and gone, but, sadly, the Brave New World looks like an ever more present option for those who wish to take away man’s liberty.

The Collected Poems of Wilfred Owen
By Wilfred Owen

Some believe Wilfred Owen to be the greatest poet to have penned from the battlefield of World War I. His poems tell the story of the futility, horror, and heroism that the British “Tommies” faced in places like the Somme, Ypres, and Verdun. Owen, a Victoria Cross winner who was killed a week before the armistice, paints a realistic view of battle that is still relevant today.

Grace Under Fire: Letters of Faith in Times of War
Andrew Carroll, Editor

This collection of letters from the Civil War to the War on Terror highlights some of the spiritual struggles our military face on the battlefield. A touching chronicle that is both timely and timeless, Carroll uses the letters to form a narrative that traces the highs and lows of faith.

Shoot to Kill: From 2 Para to the SAS
By Michael Asher

Michael Asher has written one of the better military non-fiction books I have read in a long while. This should be a must-read for junior military leaders who want to see a preview of combat in Iraq and Afghanistan. Asher traces his movement through the British Paratroop Regiment, our equivalent of a Ranger Battalion, the Special Air Service (SAS), equivalent to Special Forces, and finally the undercover police of Ulster. He makes several deployments to Northern Ireland in the 1970s as “the Troubles” reached a crescendo. The type of warfare he and his fellow “paras” encountered is not much different that what we face today. Also of note is how the IRA, heavily funded by sympathizers in the United States, exported its terror tactics to the Middle East. A chilling and truthful look at one man’s descent and ultimate redemption as a modern warrior.

Flags of Our Fathers
By James Bradley

This excellent book, the source of the recent Clint Eastwood directed movie, tells the stories of the six men whose effort to raise the American flag was captured in the most popular photograph of the 20th century. Starting with their childhoods, then boot camp, and then their landing at Iwo Jima, Mr. Bradley, the son of one of the flag-raisers, shares the broken dreams, haunting memories, and not-so-happy lives that followed this battle. Three of the Marines would later die on Iwo, and only the corpsman, Jack Bradley, would go on to live a fulfilling life upon his return from the war. The only criticism I have of the book echoes GEN Patton, who, as he was racing across Europe, complained the American press’s infatuation with the Marine Corps made it sound like they were single-handedly winning the war. Mr. Bradley has a couple over-the-top statements about the "Naval Infantry" (said the Army officer), but it is an otherwise very moving book.

The Pearl
By John Steinbeck

John Steinbeck originally intended this short novella to be a movie script. Ultimately he crafted a morality tale where fate can take even the best and most noble intentions and turn them for evil. He based his work in coastal Mexico.

DIGIJOURNAL 025--11 AUGUST 2007

2007-08-28T02:33:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 11AUG07 CAMP ANACONDA

Greetings from Camp Anaconda.

It appears that we may have passed through the worst part of the summer heat. While it is still unbearably hot, especially for our guys who conduct dismounted operations, the mornings at least have grown a little cooler than they were a few weeks ago. Think of it as going from extreme pain to pain.

Often I will write about our soldiers who leave the FOB every day to go out on patrols and face the enemy. Sometimes I forget to mention all of our soldiers who do the often unglamorous work of keeping the battalion running. Sections like S6 (commo), the cooks, maintenance, S2 (intelligence), S4 (supply), S3 (plans) are just a few of the many sections that, though they may not face the same danger that a dismounted armor or infantry soldier might, are vital to keeping our equipment ready and safe and keeping our soldiers in the fight. Every soldier is important to the mission. We may not make movies about them, and we often do not think of them, but we would not be able to function without them.

I thought that as we grew accustomed to wearing our body armor that the annoyance of wearing it would fade. I thought it would get lighter as the deployment lengthened. The opposite has happened. Every time I pick up the flak vest it feels like it has gained another pound. It is such a pain to wear in the heat, and I do not even have half the weight some of our soldiers carry since I do not need ammunition. Despite the impression that some media shaped by reporting that the body armor we use is faulty, it absolutely saves lives. The vest works. While it may be a pain to wear, we always have the alternative to motivate us to keep it on, despite how our body groans underneath it.

The last item for this entry concerns the interesting feedback I have received to the posts in this blog. I spoke with some soldiers at breakfast at Patrol Base O’Ryan, and as we conversed they brought up this website. I did pause for a moment, because I knew that the harshest yet best critics of what I wrote would be the soldiers I write about. They told me (and I think they were being honest, or as honest as they could be to the chaplain without ripping into his opinion) that it was “pretty good,” which I took to mean around the C+/B- range. The number one critique is that they wanted more pictures, which I will correct this week.

Thanks to you for keeping us in your prayers. We are definitely at a very difficult part of our deployment, and our soldiers truly appreciate all the kindness and support that you give to them.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

The Cloister Walk
By Kathleen Norris

This is a wonderful collection of essays and reflections by an author who had drifted away from the faith of her childhood faith but then returned via two paths when her Protestant (Presbyterian) roots combined with her experience as a lay member of a Catholic (Benedictine) order. Ms. Norris touches on such far ranging topics as life on the Western Plains of North Dakota, the challenges of teaching poetry to elementary school children, and the shaping struggles of marriage, all through the eyes of a very modern believer who is nonetheless grounded in the very ancient traditions of Christianity. A very good read for those who wish to discover the gifts of the contemplative life.

The Moon Is Down
By John Steinbeck

In 1941, the Noble Prize winning author, John Steinbeck, was asked to write a play for the Office of Strategic Services as part of a counterpropaganda effort by the United States as its involvement in WWII developed. The result was not a play but this small novella. Set in a provincial and unnamed town, it chronicles the inescapable escalation of violence and suffering as a small German contingent slowly loses control of the local population. It is still a very modern book that accurately describes some of the situations we have encountered in Iraq.

Casino Royale
By Ian Fleming

While many have seen the James Bond movies, few have read the novels upon which the films are based. This was the first Bond book written by the former British Naval Intelligence Officer Ian Fleming. While the most recent cinematic adaptation of this work was great, as with any other attempt to make a movie out of a book, much was lost in the process. The James Bond of the novels is a much more complex and fallible character than the Bond of the films.

DISPATCH 017--8 AUGUST 2007

2007-08-12T14:26:00.000+08:00

Dear Friends,

The Warhorse Battalion continues to make headway in bringing stability to our area, with each new sunrise bringing us closer to home. The soldiers have acted professionally and compassionately despite the many hateful things they have witnessed and fought, and I cannot say enough how proud you should be that they have responded to evil by doing what is good.

We have entered the eleventh month of the deployment knowing we must wait until December for our return. No time in a deployment is easy, but, according to recent studies done by Army psychologists, we are in the most difficult period. For some, the coping skills that we have been using do not work like they once did. It is easy, as we look into what I call “the iron tongue of midnight,” to begin to wonder if there will be a dawn.

I will not give you a list of examples or pat proverbs to try to encourage you to do what you have already been doing—-persevering. Fifteen months is a long time to be away from the one you love, and fifteen months is a long time to constantly soldier. The best defense against despair is to have faith in those timeless aspects of our lives that are important: our vows, our families, our friendships, and, for some, our God. Let us not let temptation or indifference destroy what we have built, nurtured, and defended.

Your home-front sacrifices and successes have exceeded ours downrange. We still have much for which to be thankful. May we also remind ourselves that we do not endure alone. There are many around you who know what it was like to say goodbye after a mid-tour leave, to worry about your soldier’s safety, and to pray for a safe return.

I have included, belatedly, three of the topics I promised to address in an earlier dispatch. Let me offer a disclaimer before you continue. I am not a psychologist nor do I believe I am an expert on all these things. I write about them based on my reading, my observing of patterns, and my own personal experience. Many would disagree with my conclusion or focus on different things. My main purpose for addressing these issues is to remind us that the end is in sight and to get folks thinking about the next phase in our deployment, coming home. It does not end when we get off the plane. We should be as energetic in our preparations for return as we were to leave.

Grace and Truth,
Warhorse Shepherd

REDEPLOYMENT TOPICS

I. EMOTIONAL/SPIRITUAL ADJUSTMENTS
- A. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
  - Some studies state that as many as 22% of our returning soldiers will suffer from PTSD.
  - Those who have deployed multiple times will often suffer a relapse from prior episodes or compound existing PTSD that was not treated.
  - PTSD may be the cause but is not a rationale or excuse for reckless and/or irresponsible behavior.
  - Not every soldier will have PTSD.
  - The vast majority of soldiers will face few long-term challenges as they redeploy and adjust to being at home.
  - A new theory suggests that each person has a different limit of how much stress they can take, and this is also affected by prior stress events (turbulent childhood, car accident, etc.).
  - Every PTSD event is specific to the individual soldier.
  - There are numerous PTSD symptoms, ranging from insomnia to outright violence.
  - The earlier the soldier and/or family member receives treatment the better.
  - Be proactive in your pursuit of treatment.
  - Take PTSD seriously. It is a disease that doctors can and should treat. I would also share a very non-politically-correct view of PTSD. Some folks might claim to suffer from PTSD when in fact they are using it to validate their experience in Iraq. For example: consider the soldier who claims to suffer from PTSD caused by a mortar attack when in fact he was never directly threatened. The vast majority of our Warhorse soldiers do operate at the “pointy tip of the spear.” They have seen and faced trauma.
  - The cliché is usually correct: the soldiers who talk about combat the least are the ones who have seen the most.
- B. Seeking counseling
  - Seeking counseling is not showing weakness.
  - Soldiers should seek counseling earlier rather than later. Please do not “white knuckle” it after redeployment, ignoring a problem in hopes that it would go away.
  - It is easy to confuse normal adjustment patterns with PTSD.
  - Generally, it is good to talk about things.
  - Contrary to what most think, seeking and receiving counseling will not hurt a career.
  - It is usually a good idea, if a licensed physician recommends it, to take medicine for treatment. However, it is usually not good to rely on medication alone.
- C. Making a big decision
  - Try to avoid if possible making a big life decision (buying a house, changing careers, etc.) immediately upon redeployment.
  - Before you make a big decision, allow for the normal, communication avenues to re-establish themselves in your relationship.
- D. Depression
  - Is a real disease that is often biochemical as well as emotional in nature.
  - Over one third of all women and one fourth of all men will suffer from a serious bout of depression in their lifetime.
  - Periodic depression, getting “the blues,” is a normal part of life. If it persists and/or begins to drastically alter your lifestyle or thoughts, seek treatment.
  - Can be dangerous if left untreated.
  - Risky behaviors and major personality shifts are signs of serious depression.

DIGIJOURNAL 024--30 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T13:48:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 30JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

A Country to Fight For
An old saw has it that the best proof of a man's loyalties lies in the sports teams he roots for. If so, Iraq's fairytale 1-0 victory yesterday over Saudi Arabia in soccer's Asia Cup--and the euphoria it inspired from Basra to Baghdad to Kirkuk--is a timely reminder that Iraq is not just a notional country.

"Once again, our national team has shown that there is only one, united Iraq," Sabah Shaiyal, a Baghdad policeman, told the Associated Press. "You can see the national feeling," added one Abu Baqir of Sadr City to a reporter from the New York Times. "It has always been there, and we hope this winning will be the beginning of the end of sectarianism."

It is easy to get carried away by the symbolism of a single soccer victory. Still, it was remarkable that the winning team -- known as the "Lions of the Two Rivers"--was Iraqi in the broadest sense of the word. Younis Mahmoud, the team captain who scored the winning goal, is Turkman. Teammate Hawar Mulla Mohammed, who put the ball into position, is Kurdish. Goalkeeper Noor Sabri is Shiite Arab.

No less remarkable were the circumstances in which the team had to train and compete. Coach Jorvan Vieira of Brazil had to move the Iraqi players beyond their political differences. The team, which could not train on home turf, went from match to match in economy seats. (Their Saudi rivals travelled more comfortably.) The celebration of their previous victory, over South Korea, was cut short by a suicide bombing that killed 50.

Yet for everything they lacked, the Iraqis had a powerful if intangible asset over their more pampered rivals: a country to fight for. Perhaps their victory will give all Iraqis a taste of what they may yet achieve together.

fromThe Wall Street Journal, 30 July 2007, p. A12

Yesterday was an unusual and interesting day that in many ways summarizes the kind of character our soldiers have.

For the Religious Support Team, or RST—-consisting of yours truly and the loyal and capable chaplain assistant CPL C, we began this Sunday with our worship service. Afterwards, we spoke of how thankful we were that things had been relatively quiet in our particular sector. When I use the word quiet, I do not mean absence of war, violence, or danger, but just not as much. Our commander, Warhorse 6, put it best—-the Iraqis in our area of operation (AO) had begun to be more worried about the price of government-provided gas than they were about getting killed.

Around lunchtime, a huge explosion shattered the oppressively hot but quiet afternoon. One of our battalion surgeons, Doc B, said he saw a Mount Saint Helens-like mushroom cloud rising in the sky on the horizon. The insurgents had hit one of the Iraqi-manned checkpoints with a vehicle-borne, improvised explosive device (VBIED). After our command sergeant major, Warhorse 9, notified us, we rushed over to the aid station and awaited the incoming casualties.

One of the first things I ask is whether any of our soldiers were hurt. Fortunately none were, but we still had human beings coming into the aid station in various stages of trauma.

And speaking of trauma, one of our docs told me that, in his conversations with the doctors down at the combat surgical hospital (CaSH) at Anaconda, they admitted that even rotations at inner-city trauma centers had not prepared them for the types of injuries they've seen soldiers sustain in war.

I wish I could say I enter the aid station courageously and without fear when I know that there is a high probability that something horrific awaits on the other side of the door. My stomach still turns and I have to pray just to cross the threshold. CPL C, as the son of a nurse (and much braver man than I), seems to have an easier time dealing with the sights, sounds, and smells of the aid station.

Our two surgeons and several of our medics were huddled around the litter of an 11- year-old girl who happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. As the terrorists were launching their attacks, they also sent in mortar rounds to the local city of Balad. The insurgents tend to be foreign nationals or former, disgruntled members of the military. Of the foreign nationals, the vast majority of them come from Saudi Arabia, whose main exports seem to be oil and hate.

The girl and her father were working in a field when the mortars landed. A recent news item tells the story of an American soldier writing a column under an alias for a newspaper back in the States. The column has been controversial due to his claims of atrocities committed by his fellow soldiers against local Iraqis. Contrast those farcical tales with the scene of seven soldiers working feverishly to save this girl. CPL C and I stood in the background, with our medical gloves on, looking for any way we could help.

The girl died despite all the treatment. Our soldiers covered her up, prepared her body with dignity, and the RST went outside to tell her two uncles who waited for news. Communicating through a translator, we assured the men that our docs had done all that they could. They were appreciative, but their faces wore the hue of resignation that comes from having to pick up dead loved ones too many times. We helped carry the body to the waiting truck, and back we went to the aid station.

Our medical personnel continued to attend to the incoming Iraqi police and soldiers, and we were able to medically evacuate (MEDEVAC-usually by Blackhawk helicopter) the serious injuries to the CaSH.

When things quieted down, we began to walk back to the chapel and our offices (I call it the chapel complex to make it sound important). I spoke with some soldiers who were milling about, but out of the corner of my eye I saw one of our interpreters, Tupac, weeping. You might wonder about the names. Out of concerns for their safety, we give our interpreters nicknames, usually the names of rappers or historical mafia figures. I went up to him, and Tupac told me he had lost his neighbor and school-boy friend in the blast. His tears reminded me that despite what we hear or what we have come to think, there are still many brave Iraqis trying to make their country work. The soldiers who died or were wounded are young men who courageously stood out on the line, in the heat, attempting to make their country safe.

Later that evening, we conducted evening worship services. Celebratory gunfire greeted us as we left the chapel. I knew that the Iraqi national soccer team must have defeated the Saudis in the finals of the Asia Cup. Since the terminal velocity of a descending bullet is the same as when it leaves the muzzle, I encouraged everyone to stay under thick ceilings for awhile. I was and am happy for the Iraqis.

At the end of the day I had the following thoughts that I thought the people at home might want to know.

Our soldiers, despite long deployments and changing strategies, continue to be some of the most professional and compassionate people (my italics) I have ever known.
Having a morally upstanding chain of command makes all the difference in the world.
Leadership is everything at all levels.
The Iraqi people are incredibly resilient. They can be very frustrating, but this is mostly due to cultural differences than it is to ethical deficiencies. At the ground level there are many courageous men and women who refuse to be terrorized by homicidal killers, aka terrorists, Al Qaeda, etc.
Aside from the Divine, soccer is the most important democratic force in the universe.
Our AO is still safe and making progress. Everything did not unravel despite the terrorists best efforts.
It is a sad commentary that humanity allows a girl to die just because she was born into the “wrong-believing” family.
It is a hopeful commentary on humanity that so many people, Iraqi and American, worked to save her life and many others in response to the attacks by cowards.

Please continue to keep us in your prayers. Our soldiers are great men and women, and I still get choked up when I see the things they do. Take care.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
FIRST BAPTIST CHURCH, WOODBRIDGE, VA
Snacks, clothes, toiletries, books, and Bible studies have all emerged from the boxes sent by this faithful congregation. By keeping us in their prayers, sending us the items that improve our living conditions, and giving us spiritually edifying things to read, this church has made our "adventure vacation" a little more bearable. Thank you.

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

Home Fires Burning: Married to the Military—for Better or Worse
by Karen Houppert

Ms. Houppert, growing up the daughter of a career Air Force pilot, losing him in a training accident when she was just 11 years old, has a great deal of personal experience with the military. In her book she follows several Army wives from Ft. Drum as they cope with their husbands’ deployments as part of the 10th Mountain Division. While not always flattering, I believe her book is nonetheless very truthful. It provides an especially valuable insight into the challenges of the wives of lower enlisted soldiers.

Under the Sabers: The Unwritten Code of Army Wives
by Tanya Biank

A daughter of a career Army Colonel, a wife of an Army officer, and a reporter for the local Fayetteville, NC (Fort Bragg) paper, Ms Biank chronicles the lives of several Ft. Bragg wives, highlighting the circumstances surrounding the four homicides that took place in 2003-2004 after soldiers returned from deployments to Afghanistan and Iraq. Her book stems from the nationally recognized articles she published as a military correspondent for Ft. Bragg. Her work is also the source for the new Lifetime Channel series Army Wives. A very honest description of the highs and lows that Army wives experience.

The Road
by Cormac McCarthy

In his fictional account of life in post-apocalyptic America, Mr. McCarthy accurately describes the powerful feelings a loving father has for his son as they travel “the road” to safety on the coast. Using a quasi-Odyssey like journey, his novel also tells of the painful fears fathers have for their sons as they live in a world that causes them to grow up much too soon.

DIGIJOURNAL 023--19 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T12:56:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 19JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

A LETTER TO JOSHUA

My Beloved Son,

It seems like I have been thinking about you more than usual. I think about you because of this separation and the effect that it has on you and us. Boys your age normally have a difficult time communicating their feelings about “daddy” being gone. Perhaps you think that I love the Army more than you or that I enjoy being away. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Every day that passes finds me loving you even more. I wish I had a job that I loved that did not keep me away from home for so long. I wish I had a job where all I had to do would be to take you to school and then play with you when we returned home. Unfortunately and fortunately, God has called me to minister to the military. Since He has called me, I pray and have faith that He will help our family navigate during these difficult times.

I want you to know that I have resolved to come back a better father. I need to play with you more. I should never refuse an opportunity to spend time with you.

Soon, boy, before you know it, you will be a man. But I will always remember you as my little boy with a great laugh and piercing blue eyes. The little boy who, thankfully, has so much of his mother in him. The little boy who makes me proud when he holds my hand and calls me Daddy.

I love you,
Daddy

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
WATERMARK CHURCH, Dallas, TX
This congregation has a military ministry that has sent numerous boxes, sermons, Bible studies, and other items to our soldiers. They have taken the time to write our soldiers, telling them of their support. It seems like their boxes seem to arrive at times when we are feeling down. Some would call that luck; I call it providence. Thank you Watermark.

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF

COMBAT
Warriors: Portraits from the Battlefield
by Max Hastings

Mr. Hastings, a noted English military historian, compiles the life stories of sixteen war heroes from various nations during the 19th and 20th centuries. Written for the laymen as well as the serious scholar, Mr. Hastings takes care to point out not only the battlefield successes of these 15 men and 1 woman but also their post-war struggles. The author, in addition to the historical facts, also gives us some of the underlying psychological tensions involved with the characters. A great book…I could not put it down.

Lone Survivor: The Eyewitness Account of Operation Redwing and the Lost Heroes of Seal Team 10
by Marcus Luttrell with Patrick Robinson

Marcus Luttrell is a native Texan who grew up wanting to be a Navy Seal. The first half of the book deals with the harrowing experience of Seal training, with the second half describing the mission of Operation Redwing in Afghanistan. The strength of the book comes from the telling of ethical dilemmas that arise in combat and how soldiers prepare for and confront them. He highlights how training must be as difficult as possible in peacetime so that military personnel can face the challenges of combat.

Brave Men, Gentle Heroes: American Fathers and Sons in World War II and Vietnam
by Michael Takiff

Michael Takiff has put together this marvelous collection of stories and interviews of fathers who served in WWII and sons who served in Vietnam. The value it has for military families is the honest portrayal of the lessons learned and burdens shared by military personnel who deploy and return home from combat. It helps the reader get a more developed picture of what these heroes face before, during, and after war. It also shows that many of these men can return home as better husbands and fathers as they begin to reflect on what has happened to them.

CULTURE
The Kite Runner
by Khaled Hosseini

Dr. Hosseini, who spent his childhood in Afghanistan until his family was forced to flee during the Soviet occupation, has not only written the first English novel by a native Afghan but, more importantly, a great novel that combines evil, betrayal, redemption, and hope. In The Kite Runner, Dr. Hosseini chronicles the lives of two boys who grow up in the Afghan capital of Kabul, with one staying after the occupation while one flees to America. The book humanizes the Afghan and, by extension, the Arab peoples by getting behind the disjointed stares we often see out on patrol and instead telling their stories and their dreams. A great work of fiction that forces us to re-examine some of the prejudices we might hold against the culture of this part of the world.

A Thousand Splendid Suns
by Khalid Hosseini

This is the second and most recent book by Dr. Hoseini. It takes place in the same setting as The Kite Runner, but now telling the story of two Afghan women whose lives become entwined during the Soviet occupation and subsequent Taliban takeover. It is an unflinching glimpse of life behind the veil for two women, one modern and one pre-modern, and how they cope with life’s challenges while developing into their own identities.

The Cairo Trilogy: Palace Walk, Palace of Desire, Sugar Street
by Naguib Mahfouz

Many scholars consider Mr. Mahfouz, an Egyptian and Nobel Prize winner, the first Arab novelist. The Cairo Trilogy tells the tale of an upper middle-class Egyptian family whose tranquil existence collides with the forces tearing at the modern Arab world. A fictional narrative of the larger cultural and religious issues that afflict the region, Mr. Mahfouz brings out the human inconsistencies of his characters as they pursue various lives to deal with the forces that threaten to consume them.

HOMEFRONT
Courage After Fire: Coping Strategies for Troops Returning from Iraq and Afghanistan and Their Families
by Keith Armstrong, Suzanne Best, and Paula Domenici

This is a book of lists compiled by three mental health care professionals. By using a quasi-PowerPoint style instead of a narrative, the strength of the book comes from the way it lays out in detail the reactions families can expect from their returning family members and themselves. The authors also list all the resources available to the family to address particular issues. Another good aspect of this book is that it stresses not only negative but positive things can come out of a deployment.

The Homefront Club: The Hardheaded Woman’s Guide to Raising a Military Family
by Jacey Eckhart

I highly recommend this very readable and funny book. Ms. Eckhart grew up as the daughter of an Air Force fighter pilot swearing that she would never marry anyone in the military. At age 20 she promptly married the only Navy guy she ever dated. Ms. Eckhart uses humor to address serious topics such as dealing with loss, raising children, and when to stay in or get out of the military. She sheds light on the changing culture of the military and the different expectations it has for wives and children. In a perfect world, every FRG leader and every wife would receive this book prior to a deployment.

DIGIJOURNAL 022--13 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T12:29:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 13JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

PHYSICAL COURAGE
Greetings from Paliwoda. CPL C and I just returned from visiting our D Company “Dragoons” up at Patrol Base Brasfield-Mora. They are doing well and have been keeping up with all those speed bumps, also known as the 82nd Airborne Division. We had a good time, and their morale is good as we head into the final stretch of this deployment.

We experienced a little excitement on the flight up to Brasfield. Last time we flew, CPL C had a dog and then a MP barf next to him. This trip, after taking off from Paliwoda, we apparently received some gunfire directed at the Blackhawk. This I did not see, but what I did see was our door-gunner light up whoever was shooting at us. Judging from the sheer amount of ammo he poured into his target, I am pretty sure that that particular enemy fighter had a very bad day.

One of the things that I want to share with you is to describe the raw, physical courage that our troopers display on a daily basis. The best way to illustrate this is to tell you about the conditions in which they operate.

I just finished reading The Lone Survivor by Marcus Luttrell. Luttrell is a Navy Seal who, despite losing three of his closest friends in an ambush, managed to survive in the mountains of Afghanistan for five days before a group of Army Rangers rescued him. In the beginning of his book he mentions all the tortuous types of training that prospective Seals must endure before they can don the coveted trident of their branch. Time and time again he is told by his instructors that it is mental, not physical, toughness that will get them through difficult times.

Our soldiers must be mentally tough as well in order to face the environment of combat. Every day the temperature hits the low to mid 120s, and at night it only drops to 100-105. In the morning, our guys roll out in their Bradley Fighting Vehicles, carrying three crew and up to 9 dismounts in the back. These dismounts, with a full combat load of ammo, grenades, flares, aid bags, body armor, etc., carry roughly 100 lbs. of extra weight. The temperature inside the vehicles can rise to up to 200 degrees. Ice melts in 30 minutes, and the water they carry can be as hot as coffee as they drink it down.

And drink it down they must, for it takes only a few minutes for one to go from heat exhaustion to the life-threatening condition of heat stroke. In and out of the Bradleys these guys move in sector, with long foot patrols breaking up the monotony of riding in a mobile pizza oven. By the way, as they roam the battlefield, they are looking for IEDs, avoiding sniper and RPG fire, scanning for enemy, shaking hands with the locals, discerning who is friendly and who is not, passing out school supplies, and generally trying to be the warrior-diplomat that we ask them to be. After doing this all day, these guys return to the base exhausted and drained.

Throughout our history, many American fighting men have faced tougher conditions. I think of the 101st at Bastogne or First Cav in the Ia Drang Valley. However, our soldiers still must dig deep every day just to make the mission happen. I have always said that I am just an observer, a witness to what this generation can and is doing. No matter what history eventually says about this conflict, the men and women of 3/8 CAV will be able to hold their heads up when they think of what they have done and overcome.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
VAUGHN HENRY
Mr. Henry is a part of the Adopt-a-Chaplain network. He has personally taken us under his wing. He usually sends 2-4 boxes every week, filled with donuts for the commo shop, drink mixes for me, and DVD movies and TV shows for our media library. All these endeavors take time and cost money, and I do not even want to think about the total amount of either that he has spent on us. It has been very much appreciated.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 016--13 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T11:40:00.000+08:00

PREP FOR REDEPLOYMENT

Warhorse Family Members and Friends,

We are approaching mid-summer, and as our children attend camps or other activities and while moms begin to plan for the upcoming school year, I wonder if some of us are not feeling a bit frazzled. We faced a great challenge when we heard about the news of our extension. It takes some mental and emotional discipline to readjust one’s “coming home” clock by adding three months. Many soldiers, like me, had to make the painful adjustment on the count down timers we keep on our computer desktops. We charge ahead with our missions, eagerly thinking and dreaming of home.

One of the phenomena that my wife and I, and, from what we have heard, many other couples have faced, is the post-leave let-down. If leave went well, the goodbyes were difficult, and the brief respite we experienced by having two people around to help with household and child responsibilities came to an end. We have entered, perhaps, the most difficult part of the deployment—-the finish. Our patience, understanding, and tolerance for each other, the Army, and the war have, for many of us, reached a breaking point. I want to acknowledge that the trials you have faced personally and as a family are real. As military families, your challenges are unique, and ones that very few Americans can understand. When I talk with our soldiers, one of the themes that I hear over and over again is how much they appreciate what you are doing on the home front.

There is good news amidst the frustration and the loneliness—-redeployment. At times it may seem too far in the future to think about, but it is closer than we think. My plan is to write more frequently about some of the topics that will be helpful as we prepare for our reunions. At the end of this letter, I have enclosed a rough outline of the topics. If you see something that is missing or you want to respond to a topic, please do not hesitate to send me an email at kevin.wainwright@hotmail.com.

Before I share the outline, I would like to state my disclaimer about anything I write. I am not some fount of wisdom (just ask my wife, household 6) that claims to know and see all. In fact, most of the advice or opinions I share I sometimes have a difficult time following myself. I am reminded about the article I read in Time magazine when this war started, mentioning how some of the soldier’s wives were taken aback and even insulted by some of the briefings they received from their unit chaplains. In no way is any of this meant to be condescending. Instead, it is my hope to share some of the patterns I have either seen or read about when it comes to redeployment issues and adjustments. My family and I will be going through the same things ourselves, so I will have much to learn.

I would like to close by saying thank you for your service and your sacrifice. The Warhorse leadership cannot say this enough. We are able to do what we do, fight and win on the battlefield, because of what you do for us at home. You are the most important contributor to the emotional and spiritual morale of our soldiers. We will continue to keep you in our prayers, both individually and collectively during chapel services, as we prepare to finish our mission here strong and safe. God bless you all.

Honor et Ferocitas (Honor and Courage)
Warhorse Shepherd

BOOK REVIEWS
From time to time I will mention some of the books I am reading, especially if I think they will help soldiers, their families, and supporters back home better understand what life is like over here.

The Long Road Home: A Story of War and Family
by Martha Raddatz

The Long Road Home is an excellent book that has been making the rounds through our battalion. I know her book is good when all the soldiers who read it agree with the perspective offered by Ms. Raddatz. The book chronicles the battle the 2/5 Cavalry Battalion fought in OIF II as it was taking over its area of operations. Up to that point, relatively speaking, Sadr City was fairly docile. Everything exploded when the 1st Cavalry Division came in to swap out with the First Armored Division. The strength of this narrative is that the author sticks to reporting the facts, which are dramatic enough. She also tells the story of the wives and families back at Ft. Hood as the news of the battle and the casualties began to trickle in from Iraq. I have spoken to several soldiers in our battalion who were in 2-5 during their last rotation, and they all agree that this book is an accurate portrayal. I will make the early prediction that, when they make a movie out of this book, it will have a similar impact that Blackhawk Down had for our understanding of the war in Somalia.

Brave Men, Gentle Heroes: American Fathers and Sons in World War II and Vietnam
by Michael Takiff

Michael Takiff has put together this marvelous collection of stories and interviews of fathers who served in WWII and sons who served in Vietnam. The value it has for military families is the honest portrayal of the lessons learned and burdens shared by military personnel who deploy and return home from combat. It helps the reader get a more developed picture of what these heroes face before, during, and after war. It also shows that many of these men can return home as better husbands and fathers as they begin to reflect on what has happened to them.

REDEPLOYMENT TOPICS

I. Emotional/Spiritual Adjustments
- A. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
- B. Seeking counseling
- C. Making a big decision
- D. Depression
II. Red Alert: When Depression Can Turn Deadly
- A. Suicide prevention
- B. Addictive behavior
- C. The Demon of Anger
III. Growing Closer
- A. Changes in relationships
- B. Adjustment back to family life
- C. Who is in charge?
- D. It is both/and, not either/or
- E. Sharing your dreams
- F. Recommit to your vows
- G. The challenge and blessing of intimacy
- H. The first fight: a marital growth opportunity
IV. Healing the Wounded
- A. Grace and forgiveness
- B. Limits of understanding
- C. Suffering and growth
- D. Acknowledging the pain
- E. Not everybody will come home to a happy ending
- F. Daddy’s war blanket: family rituals and their role in healing
- G. And there I was: how war stories can help
V. Listen before Fixing (Read the instructions)
- A. Sacrifices on the home front
- B. Sacrifices while deployed
- C. The dangers of score-keeping
- D. Communicate, communicate, communicate
VI. Remember the Kids
- A. Mentor and include your children
- B. Learning from your children
VII. For the Spartans (Single Soldiers)
- A. They need our support, too
- B. Who are their mentors?
- C. What can their families do to help?
- D. Setting goals
- E. Safe celebrations
VIII. Practical Advice
- A. Adjusting your finances
- B. Preparing for a move
IX. Have a Plan (for those who are ETSing)
- A. What is your plan?
- B. How will you support your family?
- C. The reality of civilian life
- D. Take advantage of what the Army has to offer
- E. Thank you for your service
X. Your support network
- A. Chaplains
- B. Counselors
- C. Friends & extended family
XI. Grappling with Reality
- A. The next deployment
- B. Upcoming retirement

DIGIJOURNAL 021--4 JULY 2007

2007-08-12T11:08:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 4JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

FAITH
What follows is the letter I sent to my youngest son, Nathanael, for his third birthday. Three years ago, on July 5th, Heather and I welcomed him into the world. Or, to be more accurate, Heather welcomed him in because I was over here when he arrived. After he was born, the nurses noticed some irregularities with his breathing, and they whisked him away to the ICU where he spent most of his first week of life. After several days of testing and monitoring, Nate’s system stablized and he was released from the hospital. During that week, however, spotty communication with Heather combined with my imagination, and I began to think the worst. Fortunately, this story has a happy ending, but it was the most traumatic thing that I have ever experienced.

As you read this, understand that my story is not unique, for many soldiers have shared the same experience. What is amazing about them is that both parents, despite the challenges of separation and deployment, continue to function. Life and soldiering must go on, and I hope this gives you an idea of the type of sacrifice that our military families make in order to support their soldier and their country.

My Beloved Son,
Your name comes from the Old Testament Hebrew and means “gift from God.” After all that I went through when you were born, you have definitely lived up to your title. You were born in the summer of 2004 while I was in Iraq on my first tour. After much debate, your mother and I decided that it would be better for me to come home for R&R leave after you were born instead of before. We both wanted me to spend as much time with you and Josh as possible. I will always admire your mother’s courage for having to face her pregnancy and your delivery without me by her side. I had classmates at West Point who were born while their fathers were in Vietnam, and it amazed me how their young mothers maintained any shred of sanity while pregnant, listening to the news, and wondering if their child would have a father.

You came early, three weeks early, but you were still considered full-term. I was on my way to a morning staff meeting when our S1, the guy in charge of personnel and administrative stuff, said to me, “By the way, chaplain, your son was born this morning.” I did not attend the meeting. Instead I rushed to the Brigade Chaplain’s office, got a satellite phone, and called home.

Your mother was doing very well, but she sounded worried. She told me that there had been some complications, that your blood counts were off, and that you were in ICU. She said that you would be fine and that you were only in the special ward because they wanted to take precautions. During the next three days your condition seemed to rise and fall with every phone call. I would call in the morning, and your condition would be worse, but in the afternoon you would be better. It was heart-breaking, and I felt so helpless because I was in Iraq and could not be back there with you or your mother. This is the great challenge of serving two families, the Army family and one's own family—-sometimes you have to betray one in order to honor the other.

I learned much about my faith-life then. I would stand in front of soldiers and talk about maintaining our faith in God during tough times, and I meant it and still do, but now I had to walk the walk. One night, things were real bad, and I remember one of our lieutenants knocking on my door in the middle of the night. Usually this meant that someone had lost a family member or had to receive bad news. When I looked at his face, it was completely white. All the blood had run out of it, and it was then that I knew that the knock was for me.

The only time your mother ever cried during my whole deployment was when I called that night. She asked me if I could come home early on emergency leave because you were having trouble. I always felt as a chaplain that I had to support my chain of command, and often my support took place when I would tell a soldier that his life crisis was a crisis but did not merit him going home on emergency leave. Now I was that soldier. I will always remember the words I had to speak to your mother, my wife, when I told her that, unless you were dead or dying, I could not come home. Her voice cracked, but she then recovered and said that you were not that bad. After I hung up I wondered if she would ever forgive me.

I believe that we must always seek for and do God’s will, and I did not think that I should somehow be immune from life’s fair share of calamities. But I remember bargaining with God throughout your entire first week. I specifically said that I did not care if I had to change your diapers until you were 65; I just wanted you to live. I also prayed that your mother would not be so devastated by your sickness and/or death that our marriage would disintegrate as well. Part of me felt selfish for praying that, but part of me did not.

I remember thinking some quirky things after you were born. I kept asking your mother time and time again was she sure that my name was on your birth certificate. It became an obsession. I also repeatedly asked if they spelled your name correctly. Most people spell Nathaniel with an “ie.” Since I always liked Hebrew more that Greek, I insisted on spelling it the Old Testament way, Nathanael, with an “ae.” So now you know who to blame when you have to forever correct people on how to spell your name. At least I did not name you Sue.

Three years have passed, and I am back in Iraq, and you are still here. Your mom and I think you will be the child that will age us. You still have some lingering health issues, but you have so far managed to overcome all the little physical hiccups that came with your life. I, or rather your mother, still have to change your diapers, but you are showing that you might even grow out of that. I hope you do before I get home.

Because of this war and how you came to us, I will always think of you with both joy and sorrow. I worried so much that it is really the only thing that I think about that might be classified as PTSD. You are such a smart and handsome little boy. My heart sings every time you grab my hand, whether it is to show me how you sneak cookies when your mother is not looking or when you want to shoot baskets on your small hoop. You were and are a gift from God. Happy Birthday from your father.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
AMERICAN ASSOCIATION of VETERANS, Illinois
The American Association of Veterans from Illinois sent the 3/8 BN several hundred flame retardant shirts to wear under our uniforms. I tried to get them out to as many of our "trigger-pullers" as possible. This group also sent several hundred dollars worth of phone cards that were eagerly snatched up by our soldiers stationed at LSAA. Thank you AMVETS for thinking of us when you were looking for projects to work on over here.

CHAPLAIN'S BOOKSHELF
The Long Road Home: A Story of War and Family by Martha Raddatz

From time to time I will mention some of the books I am reading, especially if I think they will help soldiers, their families, and supporters back home better understand what life is like over here. The Long Road Home is an excellent book that has been making the rounds through our battalion. I know a book is good when all the soldiers who read it agree with the perspective offered by Ms. Raddatz. The book chronicles the battle the 2/5 Cavalry Battalion fought in OIF II as it was taking over its battlespace from the previous unit. Up to that point, relatively speaking, Sadr City was fairly docile. Everything exploded when the 1st Cavalry Division came in to swap out with the First Armored Division. The strength of this narrative is that the author sticks to reporting the facts, which are dramatic enough. She also tells the story of the wives and families back at Ft. Hood as the news of the battle and the casualties began to trickle in from Iraq. I have spoken to several soldiers in our battalion who were in 2-5 during their last rotation, and they all agreed that this book is an accurate portrayal. I will make the early prediction that, when they make a movie out of this book, it will have a similar impact that Blackhawk Down had for our understanding of the war in Somalia.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

LETTER to ARMED FORCES SUPPORT COALITION--21 JUNE 2007

2007-08-12T10:58:00.000+08:00

21JUN07

DOES YOUR VIDEO MATCH YOUR AUDIO?

“For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead.” James 2:26

James wrote these words as a way to hold early Christians accountable. Whether one is a Christian or not, it is easy to discover the folks who tend to say one thing and do another. As I like to say, their video does not match their audio.

Does our video match our audio when we say, regardless of what our position is concerning the war, that we support our troops? It is easy to slap a yellow ribbon on the back of a car, raise the flag, and proclaim loudly that one supports our soldiers, but it is entirely another thing to make a real sacrifice of time and money in order to support them. This is exactly what the Armed Forces Support Coalition (AFSC) of Durango, Colorado has done.

The AFSC has sent hundreds of boxes full of needed items to deployed soldiers. As the chaplain for the Third Battalion, Eighth Cavalry Regiment, I have received 20-30 boxes a week…for the last six months. The 800 soldiers that I serve have almost come to expect their weekly ration of goodies from the AFSC. Their charity, however, goes even further than that, for they have not only sent items for our soldiers to use but also for our soldiers to pass out to the Iraqi civilians, especially the children.

What individuals and/or groups participate in or belong to the AFSC? One would be surprised, like I was, at the political and social diversity of this organization. We have had several books stores, including those on the alternative side of the social spectrum, provide enough books for our battalion to have three separate libraries, one at each patrol base, for our soldiers. Individuals and organizations have sent much needed toiletry items for our men and women who do not live near a big base. They have sent stuffed toys, backpacks, and school supplies for our troopers to distribute to the Iraqi children in our area of operation, and they have done all this despite the wide-range of views concerning the overall purpose and rationale for this war.

Some might cynically scoff at these efforts to help soldiers and Iraqi civilians by saying that what the AFSC provides is but a drop in an ocean size bucket of need. In some ways they would be correct. I can tell you, however, that real, concrete benefits have come because some small businesses and organizations have taken the time to reach out to us.

The most important thing they have done is to communicate to our deployed troopers that they have not been forgotten. As the war has lengthened, one of my concerns is that we would be pushed aside by the Anna Nicole Smiths and the Paris Hiltons of the world. It would be easy and in some ways understandable for the average American to begin to disconnect from an emotional involvement in this conflict. When we continue to receive boxes, notes, items, and supplies, it says to us that we have not become a footnote in the minds of John and Jane Q. Public.

The second blessing the AFSC gives to us is the opportunity to help the Iraqi people on an individual level. One of the challenges of soldiering in any war is to fight the inevitable onset of emotional fatigue. It is easy to begin to see all people as the enemy, especially in this guerilla-war type setting. The simple act of giving a hospitalized, Iraqi child a beanie-baby helps us to rediscover the common humanity we all share, and it makes us less cold and formidable in the eyes of the local Iraqi people. An act of service grants both parties the ability to see each other’s humanity, which, quite frankly, is a gift from God, especially in a combat zone.

It is easy to find a message of hope in this quiet but powerful outreach. I am amazed at how nostalgia seems to plague all generations, from the “greatest generation” to the “flower children,” making them believe that they were the last ones to have any standards, whatever those standards were, or to do anything that was good and noteworthy. The willingness of our young men and women to make the sacrifice of service coupled with the support they receive from individuals and groups of all political stripes shows me that we still have some terrific people both in our country and in our military. The support we receive is also an act of subversion, for it shows the intellectual Brahmin of our society on both sides of the political spectrum that Americans are a little more sophisticated then suspected. Lastly, and most importantly, the support of the AFSC and groups like it will mean, no matter what the verdict given by historians on the need for and outcome of this war, an easier transition back home and back into society. While I am thankful for the help we have received, my heart is also sad when I think about the lack of support given to other veterans of earlier wars.

On behalf of the Troopers of the 3/8 Cavalry “Warhorse” Battalion, I would like to thank the Armed Forces Support Coalition for their efforts. It speaks volumes about the quality of your community and the values all her people espouse.

I can truly say that your video matches your audio.
CH (CPT) Kevin Wainwright
Warhorse Shepherd

DIGIJOURNAL 020--2 JULY 2007

2007-07-03T23:01:00.000+08:00

DATELINE 2JUL07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

COURAGE
As a chaplain, one of the things that I do on a far too regular basis is visit our soldiers who come in on the medevac flights to the CASH (the acronym for a forward emergency room hospital). There, one can experience the entire gamut of human emotions from outright grief to humor. What follows are some highlights that I remember now that we are ten months into the deployment.

A route clearance soldier was admitted to the CASH with wounds received from an RPG (rocket propelled grenade) attack. The RPG hit the windshield but did not penetrate. Unfortunately, it did cause debris from the windshield to eject into this trooper’s face. (Note: this debris is called spall, which is the source of most wounds our soldiers sustain over here--not the fragments that come from the exploding ordnance.) The soldier came out of his amnesia induced with over a hundred stitches in his face. The first thing he tells his platoon sergeant is that now he feels he can go to the promotion board, since he will receive some more promotion points from his purple heart. He also asks us if the fragments damaged any of his tattoos, and we all comment that his facial scars will make him look manlier to the ladies. When the joking goes away, we pray for his recovery and for all those who are working to heal him, closing with a prayer for his unborn child.
Several months ago, one of our soldiers came into the CASH with very severe wounds. It was a tough visit for all of us, especially the first sergeant and the company commander. One of the most moving things I have seen over here is how much our leaders genuinely care about those they lead. Now, we can all be pains in the rear when it comes to standards, personality quirks, and just plain getting along, but, when the bullets fly and people go down, it is those very same leaders that can drive so many crazy that now must bear the greatest burdens. They always struggle with the fact that they were the ones that sent the now-wounded into combat. And, as they watch the doctors work on their soldiers, the second-guessing game begins. I hope that one of the things I get across to our leaders is that it is not their fault that we are here or that we must face danger to do our job. A medic asked me once if he would ever get over the changes he has experienced while serving in a combat zone, treating the severely wounded on both the American and Iraqi sides. I was honest and told him that none of us would get back to what we were, and it was up to our own relationship with God to determine if these changes would make us better or worse men.
The most chilling reception I ever had when I entered the CASH was when I came to visit three wounded soldiers from another battalion. Their patrol was hit by two IEDs (improvised explosive devices), leaving five of their buddies dead and one of the three severely wounded. As I entered the CASH, a call came over the loud speaker for anyone with type A blood to report immediately to the donation room. Having type A, I and about twenty others made our way to make our donation. They were putting the blood into the wounded soldier as quickly as it was bleeding out of him.
The most humorous story has to do with one of our soldiers who received a slight wound that nonetheless required that he stay at the CASH for a couple of days. Being an infantryman, he already smelled ripe when they brought him into the emergency room. The ER is no place for the bashful, for the staff usually picks out the prettiest and youngest nurse to cut off all your clothes in order to inspect any wounds. This soldier had a piece of shrapnel take a small chunk out of his thigh, so he spent a good part of the day in his birthday suit getting treated. It was not long before even he began to grow tired of his stink, so he gathered the courage to request a sponge-bath, hoping to draw one of the many attractive nurses who work in the hospital. His hopes rose when one of those said nurses agreed with his idea. What he did not see was when she mentioned his request to the biggest, burliest guy in the ward who also happened to be a nurse’s aid. The last time we spoke about his experience, I think he would have preferred staying dirty.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
AGAPE SISTERS, Hawaii
Last month this group of ladies who meet for Bible study and prayer sent thirty boxes to our soldiers. The Agape sisters hail from the great island of Hawaii. The soldiers appreciated all that they sent, and we all were able to daydream about what it would be like to be on the sand there instead of in the sand here.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 019--14 JUNE 2007

2007-06-17T12:55:00.000+08:00

DATELINE 14JUN07 LSA ANACONDA

COMMUNION
“This is my body which is given for you; do this in remembrance of Me.” Luke 22:19

Every worship service we have, no matter the size, ends with the celebration of the sacrament of communion. I take a small, portable, Army-issue communion set with me wherever I go. I am always struck at how personally meaningful it is to join with other believers in sharing in the presence of Christ.

During the Reformation, one of the critiques that the reformers had of the Church (at the time), was that it did not celebrate the sacraments enough. Tradition held sway that, at most, the people received communion once a year, or, even less infrequently, only on their deathbed. At the time, many believed that to sin after receiving baptism or communion would condemn a person to hell. John Calvin, one of the early reformers in my tradition, believed that Christians should celebrate communion at every worship service.

Now fast forward to today, where one cannot conduct a Roman Catholic Mass without celebrating the Eucharist, while many reformed churches celebrate communion once a month or even only once a quarter. I remember how special, how powerful it was, to watch my friends in high school (I was a protestant who attended a Catholic high school, St. Pius X) go forward en masse to receive communion from the priest. It was powerful because I was able to see, sitting in the stands in the gym, the great leveling and unifying effect communion had. Instead of 800 separate students, faculty, and administrators, we were one.

As a Presbyterian pastor, my efforts to increase the number of times we celebrated communion at the various churches I served often ended in frustration. It was not because parishioners were petty; it was because we as a clergy had failed to educate those whom we served in the importance and meaning of communion.

Why does this matter? Why is this important?

Three weeks ago I visited the EOD (Emergency Ordinance Disposal) team at Patrol Base O’Ryan. Composed of three Air Force personnel, I had a pleasant time just talking about life with them. Later that evening, Airman William Newman and two other soldiers came to our hasty chapel service (due to missions, services tend to be small at OR), and we ended with communion. After the benediction, we always grip each other’s hands and pass the peace of Christ.

The next week, while the EOD team was disarming an IED (Improvised Explosive Device), it detonated, killing William instantly. I met his buddies, the platoon leadership, and his body at the CASH. We said a prayer for the dead and joined together in mourning for our comrade and friend. I had no doubt about his faith and the way he would have wanted to have concluded his life. William also knew where he was going.

The next week, his two other team members showed up to services, and, as we joined together for worship and the celebration of communion, I reminded them that, through the Holy Spirit, through the elements, we not only joined together with each other, but all Christians across the globe and across time. We joined as the living with those who had crossed into the Promised Land. William was as present at Christ’s table that day as he was two weeks ago.

Christians, especially American Christians, who tend to over-emphasize the personal experience of faith against the idea of the communal ecclesia or church, forget that the primary purpose of the sacraments is not to comfort one’s own spirit or give one a sense of uniqueness. In fact, it is the opposite. They remind us that we are not alone, and that not even death can separate us from the love of God and from each other.

As we gripped hands at the end of the service, SGT F, Airman Newman’s team chief, thanked me for the service. I asked that we both thank God for allowing the living to not forget the dead, and for letting all believers in history to sit at the Master’s Table, as one Body, in His love, rejoicing in the abundant life He grants us in the present, and the eternal life He has given us in the future.

SUPPORT SPOTLIGHT
I would like to introduce a new part of my journal updates. Your support, both individually and collectively, has been overwhelming. I feel led to recognize some of the groups that have given so much to our soldiers. It is interesting to see such a wide-variety of people that have come together to support us.

ARMED FORCES SERVICE COALITION, Durango, Colorado
This group has donated literally hundreds of boxes in the past nine months. With their help we have built three separate libraries for soldiers, passed out numerous toys and backpacks to Iraqi children, and have received many unique gifts and tools for our Joes (soldiers). The Coalition is a collection pf public and private individuals and groups who have come together to let our soldiers know that they have not been forgotten. Thank you for being an inspiration to all of us.

NEW ADDRESS
I now have a new, old address. CPL C and I are moving our base of operations back to Patrol Base Paliwoda. The new address is listed below. If you have sent packages to the old one, do not worry, we will still receive them.
Wainwright, Kevin
HHC 3/8 CAV, 1CD
Patrol Base Paliwoda
APOAE 09391

Grace and Peace,
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 015--5 JUNE 2007

2007-06-17T12:13:00.000+08:00

CHARACTER

“And not only this, but we also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance; and perseverance, proven character; and proven character, hope; and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out within our hearts.” Romans 5:3-5

A few weeks ago I returned from my EML leave. I was again reminded of the sheer daily effort that you all put forth just to keep the children safe and out of trouble, the bills paid, and yourself sane as you continue to keep hearth and home together back in the States. We will never be able to thank you enough for the sacrifices that you have made and are making, not only on behalf of your soldier/family member, but on behalf of our nation.

One of the great joys of leave was being able to reconnect with my family and remind myself that my rank, job, and military service are not the most important qualities that classify who I am--or we are. It is our relationships that are the critical to what really defines us: relationship to God, to spouse, to children, and to friends. It is easy, as this deployment continues, for us to forget who we really are. These important relationships that should ground us instead begin to fade as the responsibilities of soldiering pile up. It is natural to begin to overlook our spouses' role in our lives, for we have no choice but to learn to cope without one another. These are the type of tribulations mentioned in the above Scripture. As our moorings between ourselves and God, between ourselves and our loved ones, are stretched and strained, it is easy for them to break, setting us adrift upon the dangerous seas of temptation, self-absorption, and despair.

So how can we look upon the challenges in our lives with a sense of hope? How can we be positive when so much of the feedback around us is negative?

This is where character plays a part in our destiny. The type of people we are today as we face the difficulties associated with this extended separation will shape who we will become. If we let our hope die, our faithfulness wane, and our joy fade, then how can we not reap a future crop of bitterness? We must not let the day-to-day anxieties that come with the deployment overwhelm us.

How can we do this? Well, it is not about “sucking it up.” Instead, it is remembering the love that God has for us and that we have for one another that will guide us through these dark-valley times. It is by making it through these difficulties that we further strengthen the ties that bind us together as families.

As I de-boarded the plane in Dallas, I had to fight back the desire to rush ahead of my fellow soldiers so that I could see the three “VIPs” that awaited me. In order to get to the customs tables, we had to walk through a glass hallway located above the terminal. Something happened there that reminded me that the annoyances and disappointments of soldiering cannot extinguish the honor of serving our country alongside the great people in Warhorse Battalion. Every person in the terminal, whether he was pushing a mop, preparing to board, or eating her lunch, every person stopped what he or she was doing, stood up, and clapped for us, and they remained standing until all 200+ soldiers made it through the hallway.

They were not just clapping for us; they were also clapping for you. As wives and husbands of combat veterans, you are now part of a sacred band that has stood up and been counted on the roster of character. We make movies and write stories about who you are, what you have sacrificed, and how you have triumphed. When we are reunited once again, the great question is what kind of people will we have become, and what will be the health of our marriages? Blame and frustration are effective tools when it comes to slowly ripping a couple apart. Yet, it does not have to be this way, for our character will produce a hope that does not disappoint, because it is found in the love we have for God and seen in the love we have for one another.

Honor and Courage,
Warhorse Shepherd

DIGIJOURNAL 018--2 JUNE 2007

2007-06-17T12:01:00.000+08:00

DATELINE 2JUN07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

The following is from a conversation between SSG B and myself that took place while visiting a wounded soldier at the Anaconda Hospital. While I was looking at the Purple Heart we would soon award to a Warhorse soldier, I began a light-hearted conversation with SSG B…

SSG B Sir, it is bad luck to touch a Purple Heart.
CH W Sergeant B, I don’t believe in luck.
SSG B Sir, it is still bad luck.
CH W SSG B, God is either in control or He is not.
SSG B That might be true, sir, but we can always minimize risk.

I laughed at how SSG B “got” me. Minimizing risk…that is the best definition for not tempting fate that I had heard in a long time.

I have been spending the last week, or the last seven months for that matter, minimizing risk. After a very relaxing, fun, and overall great two weeks of leave, I have made it back to Iraq. It was hard the first couple of days to get back into the practice of battlefield awareness, but the soldiers I went out with were a great help. I must say again what amazing people they are. One of the byproducts of a long wartime deployment is the sense of closeness and family that begins to develop between us. While I was gone, I did not miss the place, but I did miss the soldiers. It always makes my day when they ask how my leave went, meaning that not only do I care about them but they are also concerned about me. Despite all the rhetoric the flies back and forth, and all the unknowns of how this war will turn out, I still believe that I serve the finest group of Americans that this present generation has produced.

One of the things I did while at home was to reread some of my blog entries. Sometimes I felt like I should turn in my college English degree. My only excuse is that the lateness of hour and the sense of urgency involved combined to make for some interesting and not-well-thought-out or edited writing. I thank all of you who periodically check in to this blog for your patience, understanding, and endurance. As part of a solution, I am going to write shorter but more current entries.

In putting out this blog, my desire was never to draw attention to myself, which I pray you understood. I do have many reasons for taking the time to do this. I want to get the story out there about what our soldiers are doing and what good people they are. If you are looking for objective, riveting reporting on what is happening at the business end of the war on terror, this page is not the place to find it. All that goes on over here is not doom and gloom. In fact, much of what we do is often boring and unrewarding--and some of it is pretty funny. Humor has always been a part of a soldier’s coping skills. I also hope this blog helps family members stay in touch with some of what is going on, as well as providing all of you great Americans who have provided support to us with updates on your packages and their distribution.

As I close, I do want to relate with a sad heart another casualty we suffered while I was on leave. 1LT Andy Bacevich was killed near Samarra on Mother’s Day. I had the opportunity to have dinner with him while I visited our soldiers at his FOB. He was a very intelligent, charismatic guy who cared deeply about his soldiers and their families. My condolences go out to his family: his mother, father, and sisters. Any words I say will sound like a cliché. As soldiers, one of the iron truths of being a combat veteran is that our hearts will never cease to grieve for him or any of the other Warhorse soldiers who have given their lives so that their brothers in arms might live. Requiescat in Pace.

Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 017--21 APR 2007

2007-04-28T12:59:00.001+08:00

DATELINE 21APR07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

Dear Friends,

Once again it has been far too long since I have updated this blog. I want to thank you for your continued support of our soldiers and patience with the timeliness of my submissions. Due to several things, this will be a rather lengthy entry.

The main reason for the delay was the death of 1LT Phillip Neel on April 8th, Easter Morning. Phillip was perhaps the most beloved lieutenant in the battalion, and we have a great group of LTs. He represented all that was good and right about the world. Most importantly, for me, he was a model of what a Christian gentleman should be. Perhaps the greatest complement I could give him is that I want my boys to be like him someday. I will write more about Phillip later, but the subsequent Memorial Ceremony preparation and time spent with A Company delayed my writing.

I promise not to use the words “well” or “as well” in this entry. I reread my last blog and noticed several grammatical and style mistakes. I cringed. As one who prides himself on grammatical orthodoxy, I was chief among sinners in my last submission. I am usually writing these things at night, and quickly, so I do not always put out my best stuff (and you might not be too terribly impressed with even my best stuff). I will do better this time.

Thank you for your prayers, your donations, and your love for our soldiers. They are the best people that our country has to offer, and there is not enough time or computer space for me to justify and quantify this belief. After seeing their daily displays of courage and honor, I have no doubts about the veracity of this claim.

INTERESTING QUOTES
A series of quotes that I have come across in my travels or study that I thought were interesting:

Yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death; I will fear no evil; for You are with me—and I carry more ammo than Rambo. -One of our A Co. Platoon Mottos

I find your lack of faith…disturbing. -Darth Vader

The crown of life, the conquest of evil, the establishment of righteousness among people and nations comes only to those who refuse to stop too soon, to cry ‘quits’ before the job is done. -Thomas S. Mutch

Thoroughly worldly people never understand even the world; they rely altogether on a few cynical maxims which are not true. -G. K. Chesterton

Habent sua fata libelli et balli--Books and bullets have their own destinies. -Ernst Junger

But if you do evil, be afraid; for he does not bear the sword in vain, for he is God’s minister, an avenger to execute wrath on him who practices evil. -Romans 13:4

BATTALION PRAYERS
A collection of prayers written for our battalion update briefings (BUBs).

11 APR
O Most High and Gracious God,
In Your hands rest the fate of men;
In the shade of Your grace we find peace;
We ask that You comfort the grieving hearts of Second Platoon and all of A Company;
Dry the tears of family and friends in Texas;
And heal us as we mourn the crossing into the Promised Land of 1LT Phillip Neel, a compassionate leader, a loving son, and a faithful friend.
Amen

18 APR
Heavenly Father,
We pray for Your continued protection of the soldiers of Warhorse;
Grant us safety in our operations;
Watch over our families as they come to grips with the news of our extension;
And work through our words and deeds to bring peace to the Iraqi people.
Amen

LEAVE
This will most likely be my last entry before I go on leave. I will leave Iraq sometime in early May and return late that same month. Almost every soldier gets two weeks of leave sometime during his/her tour. The purpose of this time is for the soldier to go home and take his mind off the war, with the hopeful outcome being a refreshed and renewed soldier once he or she returns. Due to my constant movement between FOBs, I do not always get to counsel soldiers before they go on leave. When I do speak with them, one of the things I stress is for them to go home and not think about this place: do not email, do not call, do not worry (if they can). The Army survived long before they joined up, and it will continue to roll on long after they leave it.

Realistically, every soldier, especially the leaders, is going to worry while they are gone. Everyone wants to go home for good, but no one wants to let their comrades down. The greatest fear we have while we are on leave is that something will happen and we will not be there to help. It is and will be my fear. I do not intend on checking email or calling in, so you may not hear from me for awhile. I do try to post every box that we receive and write thank you notes to everyone. I still intend on doing these things, but it might take me awhile to catch up. I will continue to pray for the safety of our soldiers and their families, giving thanks for the support that they have received from folks like you back in the States.

VIRGINIA TECH
If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you, but you must master it. -Genesis 4:7, God speaking to Cain before Cain murders Abel

We were all understandably shaken by the news coming out of Blacksburg, VA. What can we say to such horrific images? The most difficult thing was to view the faces and to hear the stories of the victims. It was hard to see the young people; it was hard to see the holocaust survivor and professor who gave his life for his students; it was hard to see the past pictures of some of the students who served in the military. I could not help but to think that some of those guys probably survived a tour in Iraq only to be taken out by a punk kid who had issues.

A punk kid who had issues…a harsh thing for a chaplain to say? Perhaps, but I think not, and here is why. The pundits, intellectuals, and other social Brahmin of our society have already begun to enlist this tragedy in their cause (just like they do this war). The blame game has started, with the goal being to somehow understand what happened so that we could prevent it in the future, but can or will we ever be able to prevent such things? Well, let me suggest some reading of the facts.

Fact: this was planned out, i.e. premeditated—-he had more ammo to reload (suggesting premeditation), he mailed his screed and photos to NBC after his first two murders (more premeditation), and went back to murder those he had wounded (again, more premeditation).
Fact: most sufferers of mental illness are not harmful to society. They are most likely to be harmful to themselves. To blame mental illness is to claim that the murderer snapped. See first fact arguing for premeditation and then return to question of was it mental illness.
Fact: I work with soldiers every day who carry a full combat load of M-4 ammo (210 5.56 rounds). Many of these soldiers have backgrounds that make the background of this murderer look like a kindergarten birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese’s. The horrific stories I have heard from some of our soldiers describing their childhoods are truly heartbreaking. Yet these soldiers, some of them only 18 years old, are handed automatic weapons and then directed to go out and act with restraint, responsibility, and moral courage against an enemy that is not only trying to kill them but also has no problem killing innocent bystanders. And guess what, the vast majority of soldiers go out and do just that, act responsible. And if they do not, they are held accountable and get a one way and much deserved ticket to Ft. Leavenworth and the high security military prison that houses rapists, war criminals, and murderers.
Fact: we cannot control people. It took me seven years as a pastor before I finally learned this (I am a slow learner).
Fact: most everyone gets bullied at some point in their lives. There are many people who are outcasts who do not go out and shoot people.

Question (personal note: I do not own a gun, I do not like guns [which is why I joined the Army...see irony], and I do not belong to the NRA, so I do not have a dog in this fight): how many people would the murderer have killed if a couple of the students or teachers had handguns to fire back? Again, I am not arguing for vigilante style justice that would turn our college campuses into latter-day Tombstone, Arizonas. I am asking that everyone think before we start going after the NRA crowd.

We should examine what caused this guy to do what he did. We should look with compassion upon all people, but, and this is a revolutionary thought, let us hold one another responsible and accountable for what we do. Under the guise of feelings and compassion, we desire to absolve ourselves of personal responsibility, making us all victims. Well, guess what--once you become a victim you can no longer act upon the world, the world can only act upon you. Your well-being then rests in the hands of a king, a caesar, or a political leader. Check out the Revolutionary War, Hitler’s Germany, and, I do not know, perhaps guys with names like Pilate and Herod to see how it usually works out when your well-being is protected by another who “knows better.” Instead of blaming everybody and ourselves, let us blame this murderer, a punk kid who completely planned out and executed, in cold blood, a mass killing against innocents because he was angry at the world. He is no different than the murderers we are fighting over here. It was his fault.

Furthermore, what has happened to the concept of evil? We have explained it away. I paraphrase from the movie The Usual Suspects: “The best thing the Devil ever did was to make people believe he did not exist.” To acknowledge evil is to also acknowledge good, which, by logic, means to acknowledge the prime mover of goodness, a Guy that the philosopher and theologian Thomas Aquinas called God. Evil appeared that day in Blacksburg and with horrifying results. But yet, an elderly man who had seen the worst that evil could dish out stood against a doorway so that others might live. Evil was present, but did it triumph? Will it triumph?

EXTENSION
The crown of life, the conquest of evil, the establishment of righteousness among people and nations comes only to those who refuse to stop too soon, to cry ‘quits’ before the job is done. -Thomas S. Mutch

Q: How does one begin to discuss the topic of extension?
A: You don’t and pretend that it does not exist.

I, however, do not have that luxury. By now it has sunk in that our tour has been extended beyond the original 12 months. Before I move into any attempt at an explanation, let me first acknowledge the emotions, ranging from frustration…to outright despair…to numbing ambivalence that almost everyone is feeling. I liken our response to grieving. What we thought was going to be a happy reunion in five months or less is now going to be longer. Dreams are deferred, another birthday missed, another anniversary dinner delayed, and a vacation cancelled. If we combine these things with the more important reality of further exposure to danger while deployed, it is easy to see that dealing with these new challenges can seem overwhelming.

What I am not going to do is to tell folks, in essence, to suck it up, nor will I remind you on how much extra money our soldiers will be paid. I will not tell people that our soldiers have obligations and must do their duty. Why? Because all these things are already true. You have sucked it up, we have and will continue to perform our duty, and no amount of pay is going to buy back the time we will miss with you, the ones we love. Sometimes, when we as an Army deliver bad news, we want to quickly rush to the fix it and forget it stage without dealing with the inevitable emotions that come with disappointment. We cannot sweep under the rug, no matter how many briefings we attend, another fall of getting the kids to school on your own, another Thanksgiving missed, another soccer game without daddy on the sideline, and all the other sacrifices that come with a wartime deployment.
While I cannot speak any magic words or phrases to unmake the decisions that have been made, I can tell you that there are people out there who do understand your sacrifice and share your anxieties over further time in theater, and more time apart. These are the same people that can all too easily become the enemy or the folks on whom we take out our anger. These people are your fellow wives, soldiers, and families.

While we cannot change or control the bad news, we can control how we respond to it. Turning to, and not against, one another for support is the only real positive way to deal with this news. One of the best ways our soldiers cope with the stresses and disappointments that they face is that they can rely on one another. This deployment brought together many strangers that have now become closer than brothers. For better or worse, we have come to Iraq during a time of increasing stakes in the outcome of this war combined with a greater intensity of the actual battles. For a while we can rage against the powers that be, but eventually that will only involve kicking an unmovable boulder until we break our feet. The way that most of us, the deployed, have worked through the news is to realize that now more than ever before we need to rely on each other, our professionalism, our training, and our shared sense of sacrifice. We do this first in order to not let one another down, but we also do it knowing that we want to bring honor to you and all that you have done to help keep our minds focused on the battles here and not on worries about home.

As one who is a witness to the daily displays of the honor and courage of your loved ones, I want to also acknowledge your acts of heroism on the home front. You may not receive medals or awards, but we can only do what we do, remain positive and focused, and continue with our responsibilities by resting assuredly in the peace of knowing that we have your love and support. We need you, and we pray that you still need us, and we can and will be able to navigate through any shadowed valley knowing that you are with us, together, for better or for worse.

The hopeful dawn of redeployment will shatter the dark night of this extension. May God continue to bless you with strength of character, the honor of purpose, and the courage of heart that comes from knowing that what we do now matters and that we can gain strength from the actions and attitudes of one another. God bless you.

CARDS WITH COMMO
One of the highlights of a typical week, as a reward if I can get my sermon done early, is I get to go play cards with out commo section on Saturday nights. The card game we play is called Phase 10; it is some obscure game that I had never heard of before until SPC A introduced it to me while we were waiting on our flight to Kuwait. The real treat is the food. SGT P, a true Cajun from Louisiana, is quite possibly the best cook in the battalion. I joke with him by saying that he is a cook whose hobby is working on communications systems in the Army. He is able to get steak, shrimp, chicken, sausage, and rice from the mess hall, combine it with his special and secret seasonings, grill or steam it, and voila, we have a great dinner. I cannot believe how much this guy can do with so little. He is better than Emeril.

This past Saturday night SGT P had taken SGT Ph under his wing and let him cook dinner. SGT Ph is from Vietnam, has a B.S. in electrical engineering, and joined the Army when the economy of Silicon Valley took a turn for the worse in the 90s. Instead of Cajun night, we had Vietnamese night. It is an interesting world to be fighting in a war with folks who used to live in countries we fought now fighting for us against new enemies. One could write sermon after sermon on this topic and add to it numerous volumes of social commentary. I will not worry about such things. Instead, I got to enjoy the company of some really great guys who also happen to be really great cooks. Now there are rough days over here, but the oases of good times help us get through the deserts of misery as we soldier on in the Land between the Rivers.

EASTER SUNDAY
I have put off writing about this long enough. I wish I could say we had a good Easter. I can say that we had a meaningful Easter. Easter Eve, as I was putting my finishing touches on my sermon, I decided to take a break and go to the gym. On my way there I stopped into the TOC and heard that A Co. had received casualties. I will not get into the details, but Warhorse 6 (WH6), the Battalion Commander, called me into his office a short while later. When I saw Warhorse 9 (WH9), the Battalion CSM, and our Battalion S3, I knew that this was not going to be good news. Early Easter morning 1LT Phillip Isaac Neel died of wounds.

Every injury or death of a soldier causes one to pause with an ache in his heart. You get physically ill inside when the news breaks. I care deeply about every soldier equally, but I know soldiers differently. I really knew 1LT N. He was a regular in chapel, was a West Point grad (2005), and he and I would have long talks about what was going on in his life. Despite the fact that I was ten years older than Phillip, I believe he was more of a Christian role model for me than I was for him. Everything about him was good and honest and true.

Over here, one’s mind plays games with itself to pass the time. Periodically CPL C and I would make lists of folks in the battalion, lists based on various topics. One of our lists was who would be in the top five soldiers in the battalion who, if the lives of all the battalion’s soldiers depended upon their success, would make the quest for the Holy Grail. In the Grail legend, the only person who could go after it was the most pure of heart, faithful of character, and true to the Christian faith. 1LT Neel and SSG L were usually tied for first. I was not on the top ten list, not even close to it.

1LT N's death was a heavy blow to all of us. Rarely does one meet a platoon leader who does not have at least one soldier say something negative thing about him. In fact, the only thing said, and this was not a negative, was that 1LT N was always the first one to show restraint. He cared deeply about the Iraqi children and the people of this country. He cared even more about his soldiers.

Most of what I could possibly say is contained in the Memorial Message that my wife posted earlier. The thing that will stick with me is that Phillip was the type of young man that I wish I had been. He is the type of man I want my own sons to be. As I was preparing my sermon for tomorrow, I came across his namesake in Acts, chapter 8. The Apostle Phillip was the first to evangelize the Samaritans—the outcasts of the outcasts. He made the first Christian convert in Africa—the Ethiopian Eunuch. My prayer is that we do not look upon Phillip’s life with a sentimental heart touched with sadness. Instead, I hope his life causes all of us to pause and look at our own, look at what we have been doing and start doing what should be done, examine our own hearts and stop thinking of excuses for not living like we should and instead just do it.

The great sadness that I will have will be for his family: his parents and his brothers and sisters. I am going to try, if they will allow it, to visit them when I eventually get back. And every time that I return to West Point for whatever reason I will now have two friends, two role models, two heroes to visit: my classmate and middle school friend MAJ Bill Hecker (’91) and 1LT Phillip Neel (’05), the young lieutenant who taught an old chaplain how to walk boldly and peacefully in the Christian faith. “Well Done, Be Thou At Peace.”

FLIGHT TO SPEICHER
Before Easter, CPL C and I had to make a trip to COB Speicher for a Religious Support Team (RST) conference. The conference was quite good, and it had a very humbling effect on yours truly. Just the fact that I write a blog says something about my lack of humility. I have always thought it presumptive to think that I have something to say worth reading (and I am sure many first time-only time readers would agree). What was so meaningful about the conference was that I had the opportunity to meet some other very gifted and able chaplains. I am somewhat isolated here in Warhorse Land, so I can get either an over inflated or undervalued (usually over inflated) view of myself. I met some guys from the 82nd Airborne who were in better shape, better spiritual health, and of better hearts than me. One should always try to associate with a group of folks a little better morally than oneself. This was such a group.

The highlight of the trip was the flight from LSAA to Speicher. Everything that could have gone wrong for CPL C, my fearless and trustworthy assistant, did go wrong. We were supposed to fly out at 0115, but our flight was bumped to 0400 (pilots!!!!!), and then to 0515. We arrived at Speicher in time for the conference to begin, ensuring that we would be up for approximately 36 straight hours (do not weep for us; an infantryman will do things like this but do it on no food, uphill, in the rain, at night, with someone firing bullets at or detonating bombs underneath him). As we loaded the Chinook helicopter, we noticed than an entire military working dog team (3 dogs plus handlers) would join us. They had more stuff than our soldiers. They stacked a bunch of hard-shell cases right in front of CPL C, guaranteeing he would have zero legroom. As we took off, one of the dogs pooped in his kennel, the kennel right next to CPL C. The smell was great. Worried that it was oil burning or other mechanical malfunction, I was just about to state my objection to liftoff when Paul looked over at me laughing. About a third of the way into the flight, the pilot turned off his auto-adjustment program that fine tunes the numerous, manual adjustments pilots must make in a helicopter. Of course he did this for extra training, since it was an especially windy night. So, as we bumped along, a different dog yakked into his kennel, now combining the poop smell with the yak smell wafting into CPL C’s nostrils. Finally, to top it off, one of the handlers barfed into her hat, and she was, of course, sitting next to CPL C. All I can say is (with evil tone of voice), “Excellent! Excellent! Excellent!” When we landed, I could not stop laughing at him. Although I am not sure this is a good thing, especially since he is entrusted with protecting me on the battlefield.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 016--1 APR 2007

2007-04-28T12:50:00.000+08:00

DATELINE 1APR07 PATROL BASE PALIWODA

Dear Friends,

In an attempt to keep things updated, I am trying to write as stuff happens. Hopefully this will prevent big breaks in postings. I continue to work on correspondence and listing who has sent items. Your support has been overwhelming. Eventually, I will get to everyone. I am somewhat embarrassed that I still have to write back about some things received from this past Christmas. Please know that it is not intentional oversight but just plain busy-ness. God bless you for your patience.

ALL CONGREGATIONS
Your support has been tremendous. Yesterday I unpacked 2 leather study Bibles that one church donated. I gave the first one out to our chief mechanic, CW4 B. He was overjoyed. Between the Bible studies, food, snacks, items for Iraqi children, and letters, our soldiers continue to benefit from your faithfulness. It also helps their morale to know that they have not been forgotten. Again, many thanks.

WEST SIDE GANSTAS
About half of our battalion operates out of Logistical Support Area Anaconda (LSAA). This is the largest base in Iraq, with over 38,000 soldiers and contractors living there. They have indoor and outdoor pools, many gyms, great mess halls, a PX, numerous fast food outlets, and a movie theater amongst other things. Life is not terribly hard for the majority of folks there. Although they do receive frequent incoming mortar fire, the base is so big and the rounds so inaccurate that the risk equivalent of getting hit is like being struck by lightning. Dangerous, but not imminent. This should mean great times for our soldiers, except for the fact that, not only are they too busy operating outside the wire, all the fun stuff is over 35 minutes away on the other side of the base. We live on the West side while most of everyone else lives on the East. A large airfield splits the LSAA, so it is a long commute, out of personal intercom range, to the other side. For unfortunate reasons (my too many travels to the trauma hospital CASH), I have been over to the East side. It is a mixed blessing. Yes, there is much to do, but that all means many ways to get into trouble.

We have started calling ourselves the West Side Ganstas because we seem to live in the “hood” when compared to our East-dwelling brethren and sistren. Our little piece of the LSAA pie looks like an antenna farm posted on the outskirts of civilization. We are close enough to the airfield that for 24 hours a day we hear the constant drone of aircraft and helicopters coming and going. We do not even notice anymore. For nighttime entertainment, we have the Naval chain gun working as an anti-mortar system. Radar picks up incoming rounds, and this rapid fire weapon system fires along the inbound trajectory, blowing up the shell. At night it looks like a large roman candle as the tracers laser-beam towards their target. Fortunately we have gym facilities nearby, so most everyone is trying to get in better shape, especially before they go home on leave. When times get hard for the West side boyz, I remind them that “it is not easy to be a gansta.” You can call me chaplain “street cred.”

PALM SUNDAY
Celebrated Palm Sunday this morning. We will have another service tonight. God blessed me with another timeless, Iraq memory. As usual, I forgot to think about palm branches for today. In the past, our very faithful and wise church secretary would have already ordered them, bailing me out. Which is another thing, we had to pay for the palm branches. Not this year. I was able to walk ten feet from the front door of my room/chapel and cut off some branches for the communion table. How many more times will I get to do that in my ministry life (hopefully never again, for that would mean I have made another deployment)? The service, like all our worship services, was good and meaningful. Meaningful not for anything earth shattering I said but because it was a moment of brotherhood in His presence. It is Christ working through our soldiers (and our Chaldean Christian interpreter) who makes it special.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 014--21 APR 2007

2007-04-28T12:00:00.000+08:00

EXTENSION
The crown of life, the conquest of evil, the establishment of righteousness among people and nations comes only to those who refuse to stop too soon, to cry ‘quits’ before the job is done. --Thomas S. Mutch

Q: How does one begin to discuss the topic of extension?
A: You don’t and pretend that it does not exist.

NEEL MEMORIAL--14 APR 2007

2007-04-15T11:11:00.000+08:00

FAITHFUL KNIGHT of GOD
MEMORIAL MESSAGE
for
1LT PHILLIP ISAAC NEEL
14APR07

SCRIPTURE

Psalm 121 (NASB)
The Lord the Keeper of Israel.
A Song of Ascents.
1 I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
2 My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.
3 He will not allow your foot to slip;
He who keeps you will not slumber.
4 Behold, He who keeps Israel
Will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The Lord is your keeper;
The Lord is your shade on your right hand.
6 The sun will not smite you by day,
Nor the moon by night.
7 The Lord will protect you from all evil;
He will keep your soul.
8 The Lord will guard your going out and your coming in
From this time forth and forever.

INTRODUCTION
Why Does This Happen to the Good Guys?

Easter morning. The birds greeted the sunrise like they always do: with praise and thanksgiving at the arrival of another dawn. But somehow, despite the light that crept over the horizon, our hearts did not feel like rejoicing.

How do we begin to face with hope a sunrise that seems to linger but cannot light the darkness that took a fellow soldier, a friend, a brother, and a son? How does one grasp hope on a morning that seems unreal, waiting for a platoon to arrive in from a mission that does not know the terrible news that awaits it?

The answer is that I could not, nor could anyone speak a word of comfort to that broken-hearted band of brothers. It was a difficult time, a time of disbelief that he was gone, a time of self-examination, a time of denial as we waited for the LT to show up at a rehearsal, in the A Company CP, or in chapel. As we tried to understand 1LT Neel’s death, we would always come back to the question, "Why does it seem that the good guys are the first ones to fall?"

And 1LT Phillip Neel was a good guy. During a conversation we had before he went on leave, Phillip wept for his soldiers and some of the struggles they had faced. When he went to visit his squad at the CASH after they had been hit by an IED, SGT Matschke remembered 1LT Neel standing in the background, tears running down his cheeks, blaming himself for what had happened. Everything about soldiering and being with his soldiers for 1LT Neel was personal. It was personal because he genuinely cared for the well-being of those around him, no matter what the platoon, company, or unit.

OUR FIRST REACTION
Vengeance, Anger, Hate

Now it is natural, when we cannot find the answer to why this happened, to begin to take our anger and our pain out on the enemy. As soldiers, we are supposed to be lethal to those who do evil, but we must be careful not to let our thirst for vengeance allow us to become just as evil. One of 2nd Platoon’s soldiers remarked that one of the things he admired about 1LT Neel was his ability to show restraint, to talk some sense into those around him, and to de-escalate the emotions that only those on the battlefield can understand. He would not want us to be weak, militarily or morally.

1LT Neel had faith in two things: God and you, his fellow soldiers. This is what grounded him and gave him the strength to form the ethical foundation for all of us. The last thing 1LT Neel would have wanted was for his death to sow a crop of cynicism and bitterness. The last thing he would have wanted would be for us to lose faith in God or in one another. Any darkness of Spirit resulting from his death would render his sacrifice in vain.

Why, we could ask, why would this be so?

If we worship the gods of anger and vengeance, we can seek to take our pain out on the enemy, hoping that enough death and destruction will take away the memory of a lost friend. But it cannot, and we risk losing our own souls to the quenchless thirst of the beast that soon changes from righteousness to bitterness, that changes from the focused professionalism of soldiering to the mindless rage of the vigilante. Or we could stop caring about others, especially each other, protecting ourselves from having to endure further suffering because of wounds and death, but soon we could become numb to everything about which we should care, slowly and gradually becoming ghost-men, with haunted eyes that no longer see with compassion the humanity of another. These are two routes, two courses of action that may temporarily treat our suffering and our pain but will eventually kill us by exterminating all that is good about who God created us to be. The third way is this: 1LT Neel’s way. It does not mean backing down from evil, but instead overcoming evil with good.

HIS RESPONSE
Compassion, Faith, and Love

We heard in the Psalm that God will protect us from all evil, that He will keep our soul. As those who grieve, it is understandable that we ask God why, why would You let this happen. But perhaps we should ask God how could someone like Phillip have been so good? Instead of asking why, maybe we should be asking what we can learn from the witness of his life?

We can see the answers to these questions on the faces of those in this room, in the relationships he had with all of us. SFC Rice and 1LT Neel were the odd couple. Who would have put these two men with such different personalities together? Yet when I asked Phillip who he had to talk to, to confide in, the first person he mentioned was SFC Rice. To those in his platoon I ask this, "Have you ever known a kinder man, a gentler man, who, although he was still a warrior, listened with his heart and always seemed to give the correct words of comfort or advice? Did being around 1LT Neel make you want to be a better person? Did following his example make you a better man?"

As we continue to struggle with the question of why, allow me to suggest that we should also be giving a word of thanks to God, not for what happened, but for sharing with us the gift that was the life of 1LT Neel, by showing us what unconditional love, otherwise known as grace, looks like.

WHO ARE THE GOOD GUYS?

We live in a world saturated by empty promises and shallow dreams. We have so cheapened our words--words like duty, honor, country--that many people no longer know what they mean. As one who knew Phillip personally and as a friend, I know the shortcomings of anything that I could possibly say to assuage your grief. So allow me to suggest this instead. Let us take one concluding look at 1LT Phillip Neel’s life:

While on leave, he continued to pray for his soldiers every day.
He never spoke a word about himself or his many accomplishments. He only spoke about you.
He was just and fair and honest in all his dealings with other men.
He was a man of faith, who proclaimed what he believed not with words of judgment or condemnation but with acts of compassion and love.
And finally, how would he have answered the question, "Why does it seem that the good guys are the ones to fall? Why is faithfulness worth it?"
He never asked whether his soldiers were good guys, were squared away, or were always perfect. He loved you, he was faithful to you, he led you, and he served you.

Like a good leader, he was technically and tactically proficient, but great leaders must be more than that. The great ones serve by placing the ones whom God has entrusted in their care—first. A Company, as infantrymen, you can sometimes be a little rough around the edges, but do not ever question whether you are the good guys. To 1LT Neel, you are all good. You are worth his tears, worth his sacrifice, and ultimately worth his life. And let us dare not leave here today thinking that God’s love for Philip is any more or less than God's love for you. For to do so would, in the LT’s heart, render all that he lived and died for, all that he sacrificed, in vain.

A KNIGHT of GOD

Let us close with one final image of 1LT Phillip Isaac Neel. In the legends surrounding King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table, only one knight was good enough to achieve the ultimate goal of finding that sacred artifact: the Holy Grail. To go after this elusive prize without a pure heart would ensure one’s death. The only knight deemed worthy to find and hold the grail was Sir Galahad.

Today, instead of riding into battle clad in steel armor and on great steeds, we ride iron horses called Bradley or Abrams wearing OTVs and Kevlar helmets. Technology has improved what carries us into battle and protects our bodies, but the hearts of men--your hearts of courage, strength, and goodness--have not changed. Like knights of old, we still fight evil on the side of good, and we still have need for men of purity and goodness to show us what we should be, what we can be, what we shall be. 1LT Neel was just such a person. Let us listen to the final words of the poem Sir Galahad by Alfred, Lord Tennyson as we reflect on the witness of a fellow soldier, friend, and brother-in-arms.

Sir Galahad
by Alfred, Lord Tennyson

A maiden knight—to me is given
   Such hope, I know not fear;
I yearn to breathe the airs of heaven
   That often meet me here.
I muse on joy that will not cease,
   Pure spaces clothed in living beams,
Pure lilies of eternal peace,
   Whose odors haunt my dreams;
And, stricken by an angel's hand,
   This mortal armor that I wear,
This weight and size, this heart and eyes,
   Are touch'd, are turn'd to finest air.

The clouds are broken in the sky,
   And thro' the mountain-walls
A rolling organ-harmony
   Swells up, and shakes and falls.
Then move the trees, the copses nod,
   Wings flutter, voices hover clear:
"O just and faithful knight of God!
   Ride on! the prize is near."

1LT Philip Neel, O just and faithful knight of God! Ride on! Ride on to your prize, and as the waters of that River Jordan part before your treading step, look up unto to the hills and see, pure love waiting to embrace you there. Hallelujah, Amen.

DIGIJOURNAL 015--30 MAR 2007

2007-04-07T00:22:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 30MAR07 LOGISTICAL SUPPORT AREA ANACONDA

“The only statistics you can trust are those you falsify yourself.” --Winston Churchill
“Idealism increases in direct proportion to one’s distance from the problem.” --John Galsworthy

Dear Friends,

I have continued to violate the first rule of blogging—keep your site updated (EDITOR'S NOTE: and it hasn't been entirely his fault; I've been slow to post what he has written due to Uncle Sam's requirement that I pay him mo' money by 15 Apr). I have been running, and flying, all over Iraq visiting your loved ones. I even had a chance to spend a couple of days with Dragoon (D Co.) up at Brasfield-Mora. They are well. I just opened and sorted numerous boxes this morning, and my hope is to get my correspondence up to date. Inshallah. Thank you for keeping us in your prayers.

IRONY
During my travels, I tend to make note of the New Mexicans (where I am from) I encounter. While our state has grown (we are the big square state between Texas and Arizona, we do not have an embassy, and we use the dollar), we are still few in number. Keeping track of NMs does have its hazards, like discovering one of our older lieutenants graduated from Valley High School in Albuquerque…ten years before I graduated from HS. Two of our soldiers in Chaos (C Co.) are Navajo Indians, one is from Gallup (we have three Navajo in our battalion, Yah-ta-hey!).

I looked up but could not grasp the verbal definition of irony, so here is my word picture: SPC E, a Navajo, wearing a 1st Cavalry patch. Now 1st Cav is cool, but it was initially formed to fight the Indians. Now, I am not going to go down the politically correct trail, but SPC E and I did have a good laugh. He shared that last time he was home he bumped into one of his friends at the mall. He was in uniform, and she asked him what unit he was in. She shriveled up her nose in disapproval when he told her. He shrugged and said to her to think of it as the “horsie” division. Excellent: horsie division. The conversation then turned to talk about green chile, sandpaintings, taking tourists for all their worth, genuine tribal dances, fry bread, and more reminiscences about “back in the day.”

The other image of irony is the fact that we, the Army, have to buy sand…in a desert. The truth is that one needs a particular kind of sand to make the most effective sandbags, but it is still ironic.

TRIP TO DRAGOON
Had the opportunity last week to travel to Brasfield-Mora to see D Co. What an interesting trip.

The helicopter (Blackhawk) trip up was a non-event except for the flirting between door gunner and Public Affairs NCO. To begin with, I do not like flying…in anything. While I am not afraid of heights, I am afraid of the reality that I am not in control of my destiny, especially when I do fly. It is for this reason that I did not like airborne school (although I was afraid to admit it), why I went mechanized, and why, knowing God’s sense of humor, my next unit will probably be on jump-status (since I am airborne, albeit five jump chump category, qualified). All I can think of once we our airborne is how gravity is so unforgiving, so I take occasions of my flight as prayer opportunities to grow my faith. After the routine take off, we did something different. This is no big secret, but we tend to fly close and fast to the ground, which is why I noticed when we climbed to five thousand feet after wheels up. Reaching final altitude, we hovered for a couple of minutes (with me telling myself that it was probably an optical illusion and that the ponderous pace from my perspective was in reality quick at ground level) then went nose down and dove. Adding to all this fun was my position next to the right door gunner (in a Blackhawk there are two), placing me in close proximity to the window, allowing me to feel the rushing air next to my face as well as to have a clear view of the approaching earth. The rapid descent reminded me that I had forgotten to eat breakfast, which was a good thing. We did level off close to the ground, and I turned my head to the left in time to see the left door gunner flirting with the PAO NCO. He had her plugged into the intercom, and I am sure he was laying on the charm (look at me, door gunner guy, I am so dangerous). Ladies, I do not seek your sympathy, but instead I want to acknowledge the Scripture “vengeance is mine saith the Lord.” I consider it justice received for all the times (I, of course, never did this) that some loathsome male has given you continued, unwanted attention after your numerous hints to him to drop dead.

After a day’s stay at Speicher, saying hello to SFC B (who is doing an excellent job), we left for Warhorse. This is the FOB outside of the city of Baqoubah, which, for all the wrong reasons, has been in the news. The soldiers there are doing a great job, but the mood is somber. They have taken many casualties. I did get to say hello to some of my fellow chaplains, who are also doing a great job as well. The next day…on to FOB Brasfield-Mora for two days with Dragoon.

The Dragoons are doing exceptionally well, despite the fact that they are tankers (armor guys used to riding, well, tanks to the field) attached to the light-fighting 2-505th of the 82nd Airborne. The 2-505th have treated D Co. very well, are good guys, and are very thankful for D. We did much visitation, and I took many pictures. The highlight picture was the 0200 liftoff of the Chinook helicopters loaded with D Co. doing an airmobile insertion. They even had Eddie the wonderdog (bomb-sniffer) with them. The mission was a success, and everyone made it back safe. The added trip-bonus was 1SG Q and I (combined age of 79) defeating SGT J and SPC F (combined age of 52) in two on two hoops, thus proving that age and treachery will always overcome youth and ability. As FOBs go, B-M is much improved (it was a dump last time, OIF II, I was here). D Co. is slowly trying to replace the 82nd color scheme (red and blue) by painting everything either red and white (colors of Cav) or black and gold (colors of 1st Cav). I wish I could get out and see them more often.

SOCCER WITH INTERPRETERS
My spirit is willing, but my flesh is weak. I played soccer with the interpreters and a couple of our soldiers a few weeks ago while I was at Patrol Base O’Ryan. I am sure it looked funny to 1SG F when he saw me fall on my face trying to wow my opponents with my moves. I can still picture all the things I used to do in high school, but my body no longer follows my commands. I am not fleet of foot, but I more than make up for it in body checking, pushing, and fouling…unintentionally. While it did occur to me that CSM N would literally give birth to a small mammal if he found out I blew my knee out playing soccer (my wife would roll her eyes, nonplussed), I soon forgot the consequences of my foolishness. It was great. It felt like prayer. Reminded me of the scene in Chariots of Fire where the future missionary and English 200- and 100-yard-dash Olympic competitor, Eric Lidell, was chided by his sister for running too much instead of focusing on his theological studies. He stated that God had made him to serve, but He had also made him fast. Well, I am not fast, but soccer is sublime when played. And, for a moment, as I played with the Iraqis, the war no longer seemed like an ever present reality, haunting every moment. I did not have to worry about their hidden intentions, plots, or schemes, and instead could focus on making a pass, heading a ball, and running down a forward (literally). Well, I paid for it the next day…the next three days. I coped by ingesting large quantities of infantryman’s candy (ibuprofen) and pretending that my twenty year high school reunion was not this summer. I can almost hear my wife rolling her eyes as she reads this.

PRAYER BEFORE BUBs
One of the honors that I feel I receive for serving with such fine people is that I do get to close our Battalion Update Briefings with a short prayer. I have included some of my latest below. My posting them is really for the families back at home to get an idea of some of what is on our hearts and minds throughout the day. I used to say them as they came to me, but I felt led to write down something more coherent.

As far as prayer goes, I am not going to get into the fact that public prayer has been part of the public square since before Jeffferson even began to think about the Constitution, nor will I digress into the entire church and state thing. I like to remind folks who want to codify partisan (key word being partisan) prayer into the public record that there are places where my family’s particular faith outlook would be considered in the minority, and I would not want someone else’s particular spiritual perspective (including militant atheists, keyword being militant) foisted upon my children. Nor do I think, like the Boston newspaper columnist Ellen Goodman and the other usual suspects have claimed, that our founders ever believed or intended for this to be a secular nation.

Recently there has been much ado about a Navy chaplain claiming that his chain of command attempted to limit his being able to pray in the name of Jesus. He made it sound as if there was some great purge underway of Christian chaplains from the Navy. I do not know about the Navy, and, although I was not physically there, I do know some of the specifics. This chaplain decided that it would be appropriate, during the Navy’s version of a Memorial Ceremony, a mandatory formation, to deliver a very pro-Christian, call-to-question-one’s-salvation type of message. Now, as a civilian pastor, I think that one should be able (unless you are a hate-mongering, Saudi trained Wahhabist [then you should be deported], or a bigoted, racist-spreading polemicist [see Aryan Nation, Rev. Phelps, Nation of Islam, et al] then you should be ostracized and monitored) to preach according to personal dictates, including political issues (with my personal opinion being that politics and the pulpit are usually not a good match). As a chaplain in my non-mandatory Christian services, I will adhere to my evangelical roots. However, Memorial Ceremonies are mandatory, are for the soldiers attending, and are not rooted in a religious service. Therefore, chaplains or anyone else speaking should refrain from making personal religious testimonies. The Navy chaplain was asking to be looked at, chose his own hill to die on, and then subsequently protested in front of the White House…in uniform.

Some may howl at his persecution and my statements, but first let me suggest that we ask this question: why do we have chaplains in the first place? Aside from ensuring religious freedom and access, aside from all the legalese, the chaplain is present; I am here, as a witness to God’s undying love for all our soldiers. Dogma is important, but no soldier ever has told himself, before running in the face of death and destruction, “I am not going to go save my buddy because he is not (fill in particular faith, gender, race, class, sexuality, etc.).” Why would a chaplain ever (intentionally) say something hurtful to a soldier, especially if the soldier was forced to listen?

This particular chaplain did not and does not get it. The longer I see their raw courage and unselfishness, the less I am inclined to see any of our soldiers, no matter what they believe, what they have done, and who they are, in other than in a faithful and awe-inspiring light.

I will share this story before I list two of the prayers. After I was accepted to seminary but before I left active duty (back in the horse drawn days I was an FA officer…serving under Napoleon), my battalion commander asked me to pray before a dining in. Somewhat surprised, I said a short grace and closed with “in Jesus name” like I usually did at church. Afterwards, in a non-threatening way, my Battalion S3—a man I greatly respected and admired—reminded me that not all are Christian (he is Jewish). I have never forgotten how ashamed I was that I might have offended or hurt him (in actuality, I did neither). But I have never forgotten his words.

So no matter what you or your soldier believes, know that his chaplain never forgets to pray for him (and you). And I will never intentionally put him in a place to ever feel ashamed for who he is, what he believes, or where he is from.

Protect Our Soldiers
Lord,
Protect our soldiers from evil
Keep their actions safe
Give their leaders wisdom
Free their families from anxiety
And use them to bring peace to this land. Amen.

Thank You for Courage
Lord,
We give You thanks for the courage of our soldiers
We ask that You give us ears to listen to one another
Patience with the frustrations of the deployment
Grant hope to our families back at home
And continue to watch over our words and deeds
Protecting us from evil both within and outside the wire. Amen.

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DISPATCH 013--12 MAR 2007

2007-03-16T06:50:00.000+08:00

Soldiers
After taking some pictures at Akeel's (the local national market at Patrol Base Paliwoda), as I walked toward the artillery position, I saw three Bradley Fighting Vehicles and two HUMWVs rolling toward the gate, obviously going on patrol. As a chaplain who does not carry a weapon, I often ask myself what exactly I contribute to the Battalion. This is not a question I ask in order to receive reassurance, nor am I looking for the faith answer (for I know that). It is really an existential question, one having no answer. Because of what I believe, I am in the sowing business anyway, and one never knows how many weeds will grow where wheat was planted or how many bushels will be brought in at harvest time. But being human and in an organization that likes to judge its effectiveness by what it can count and measure, I still ask what I contribute.

As I saw the patrol roll out, for me, the question became unimportant anyway. Some might see five vehicles moving toward a possible engagement with the enemy. Others would see yet another arrogant display of American imperialism and power. And still others would see our guys going out to kick some insurgent *bleep*. I, however, saw a bunch of guys, and young guys at that, who still, after too little sleep and after seeing so much suffering, including their own, and despite all the numerous reasons to despair and fall prey to cynicism and bitterness, get up, ruck up, and do what their country asks of them because they, dare I say it about manly men, love one another.

I am not a touchy-feely type who cries easily--just ask my wife. The only movie that has ever inspired tears for me (much to my wife's chagrin) is Rudy. Thus, it is not sentimentalism shrouded by patriotism with Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to Be an American” playing in the background that pulls at my heart when I see such scenes. Instead, it is observing all that is noble in man displayed in a split-second by a group of soldiers still doing the impossible every day.

In the ancient era (or, "back in the day"), most of our poetry had something to do with war. During my periodic education/indoctrination as a student, war poetry, unless it was old and Greek, was somewhat frowned upon. I have finally realized over here that most good poetry was never intended to glorify the horrors of war. True poetry, true praise of the soldier, is really directed at the human spirit. For in war not only is man’s capacity for evil exposed, but also his potential for transcending the petty and parochial concerns of life to embrace the nature of the Divine: to give one’s life for his friends.

Dust, grinding, a flash from a Kevlar visor, and a gloved wave was all I witnessed for a brief moment, but it was enough, enough for me to dismiss my question and just be thankful that God has placed me amongst true heroes, the soldiers of 3-8.

Honor and Courage

Gratia et Veritas

Warhorse Shepherd

DIGIJOURNAL 014--12 MAR 2007

2007-03-13T06:05:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 12MAR07 PB PALIWODA

Dear Friends,
In an effort to remain a little more up to date and relevant, I am trying to write smaller but timelier updates. Here are a couple ruminations from today.

AKEEL’S
Some of you might be asking, “Where do our soldiers get their smokes, their movies, and their haircuts?” Well, if you live at Paliwoda, it is at Akeel’s. Akeel is a local merchant who has operated a small store on the FOB for at least a couple of OIF rotations. Since Akeel only deals in cash, only has relatives working the store, and is the only store on the FOB, we all suspect that Akeel owns a small island in the Caribbean where he has proclaimed himself king.

Anyway, Akeel’s is the place where you go to get what you want when you want it. To his credit (and because he does not want WH6 to kick him off the FOB), Akeel only deals in legal items, that is, legal in the Iraqi sense. He will sell you movies that are probably breaking all kinds of copyright laws, that are probably marked up 10 times what they cost to make, and that are more recent than movies you currently released in the States, but they are “Iraqi good.” But are we not trying to win hearts and minds over to the Western interpretation of capitalism? I hope we can all answer with a resounding and patriotic “yes!” Before anyone gets excited about our troops getting shortchanged, Akeel’s prices are pretty much in line with what every other FOB charges. He also donates a lot of stuff. He gave CPL C a year’s supply of chai tea when he found out that C liked it so much. He is having a pizza oven (yes, we are light-fighters) built for the medics gratis, and he can locate and obtain more difficult-(yet legal, CSM)-to-find items for soldiers.

The top items sold at Akeel’s are probably smokes (usually Turkish or Egyptian, which some guys prefer), movies (all kinds in all conditions), energy drinks (the rules are a little different over here as far as drinks go. The favorite, I think called “Red Tiger,” not only has tons of caffeine but also has nicotine in it. So picture a Joe going on patrol, a dip in his mouth, a heater between his finger, and drinking a Red Tiger, and now you know why our guys can stay alert for three days at a time), and electronics (usually third rate brands from Turkey or Korea).

Akeel’s also contains a small café, where you can purchase falafels (my favorite) or hamburgers (do not ask about the meat; you do not want to know), as well as a barber shop. The thrill at the barber shop is that the barber will remove the excess hair on your neck and eyebrow region using twine. Yes, twine. He takes the twine, pulls it taught, and then rolls it along your skin wrapping the hair around the string. Once he has enough hair in the twine, voila, he yanks it away from your face, pulling your hair out by the roots. Most men would scream, especially ones like me who tend to have the “unibrow” look, but since there is usually a room full of combat arms types (infantrymen and tankers) who all know what you are going through and are giving you the “are you a *bleep*?” look, you just grimace through it. I know many women who have interesting tales to tell, especially around swimsuit season, will not give us much sympathy, but I just wish the guy would invest some money in some clippers.

SOLDIERS
I was in Akeel’s to take pictures, since I am trying to do a better job of keeping a visual chronicle of what our guys are doing over here. As I walked toward the artillery position, I saw three Bradley Fighting Vehicles and two humvee’s rolling toward the gate, obviously going on patrol. As a chaplain who does not carry a weapon, I often ask myself what exactly I contribute to the Battalion. This is not a question I ask in order to receive reassurance, nor am I looking for the faith answer (for I know that). It is really an existential question, one having no answer. Because of what I believe, I am in the sowing business anyway, and one never knows how many weeds will grow where wheat was planted or how many bushels will be brought in at harvest time. But being human and in an organization that likes to judge its effectiveness by what it can count and measure, I still ask what I contribute.

As I saw the patrol roll out, for me, the question became unimportant anyway. Some might see five vehicles moving toward a possible engagement with the enemy. Others would see yet another arrogant display of American imperialism and power. And still others would see our guys going out to kick some insurgent *bleep*. I, however, saw a bunch of guys, and young guys at that, who still, after too little sleep and after seeing so much suffering, including their own, and despite all the numerous reasons to despair and fall prey to cynicism and bitterness, get up, ruck up, and do what their country asks of them because they, dare I say it about manly men, love one another.

I am not a touchy-feely type who cries easily--just ask my wife. The only movie that has ever inspired tears for me (much to my wife's chagrin) is Rudy. Thus, it is not sentimentalism shrouded by patriotism with Lee Greenwood’s “Proud to Be an American” playing in the background that pulls at my heart when I see such scenes. Instead, it is observing all that is noble in man displayed in a split-second by a group of soldiers still doing the impossible every day.

In the ancient era (or, "back in the day"), most of our poetry had something to do with war. During my periodic education/indoctrination as a student, war poetry, unless it was old and Greek, was somewhat frowned upon. I have finally realized over here that most good poetry was never intended to glorify the horrors of war. True poetry, true praise of the soldier, is really directed at the human spirit. For in war not only is man’s capacity for evil exposed, but also his potential for transcending the petty and parochial concerns of life to embrace the nature of the Divine: to give one’s life for his friends.

Dust, grinding, a flash from a Kevlar visor, and a gloved wave was all I witnessed for a brief moment, but it was enough, enough for me to dismiss my question and just be thankful that God has placed me amongst true heroes, the soldiers of 3-8.

Honor and Courage

Gratia et Veritas
Warhorse Archangel

DIGIJOURNAL 013--10 MAR 2007

2007-03-11T09:34:00.000+08:00

DATELINE: 10MAR07 LSA ANACONDA

Dear Friends,

I want to apologize ahead of time for the length of this update and for its lateness. I would tell you all the details of why it is late, but it would soon seem like a litany of failure and casualties. We will get to the casualties, and there is a real human cost behind the losses that we or any other unit takes. I also want folks to understand that our soldiers continue to do the right things, exercise restraint, and keep each other safe. I admire their daily acts of courage. As a chaplain, I do not go to the places where they go, staring into the abyss, engaging a rather devious, hypocritical, and ultimately evil enemy that does not care who pays the price for their dogma. It would be easy for our soldiers to get bitter, or to let hate overcome any sense of reason. Reprisal could soon replace deliberate missions if our soldiers reacted in any other way. This is why they amaze me. They have pushed past the threshold of reasonable behavior from the enemy yet have remained honorable in their actions. In between the daily dose of Anna Nicole Smith or the feud between Donald Trump and Rosie O’Donnell, there are real human beings triumphing over evil and the random acts of violence that seem to breathe over this land. This is their story.

Hypocrisy
We will hear in the news about the great piety of our enemy. We will soon believe that he fights the decadence of the West in order to obtain a more pure form of Islam. In fact, as he recruits in the suburbs of Dearborn, MI; of Bakersfield, CA; of London and of Paris, he will tell easily-influenced and angry young men that the media filth of the West has corrupted their world, leaving the door wide open for their ultimate planned conquest of all things non-Muslim and non-Arabian.

Well, here is a tad bit of reality about their true intentions and motives. Permit me to let you look behind the emerald screen to reveal the true “Oz” of these pious freedom fighters. We have discovered, in our area of operations, Al-Qaeda or Al-Qaeda linked organizations running brothels, liquor stores, and distributing hard-core pornography. We know they fund their operations by selling opium in Afghanistan. Now they will tell you that this is done to sell to the infidel the sinful materials that corrupt, but it is interesting that we keep finding it in their personal possession. These pure men of the faith use their piety to gain control and power. They might sport their robes and long beards as their proof of their allegiance to Allah, but they seem to enjoy sinning as much or more as the next guy. I only mention this because we tend, as Americans, to accept every bit of news presented to us hook, line, and sinker. As I write this, young college-age, Iraqi women are entering into temporary marriages (some as short as a few minutes) in order to gain money for school. Anywhere else in the civilized world this is called prostitution, but here it is called being faithful to one’s religion.

SGT Jeremy Barnett
Two weeks ago we lost another soldier to combat operations. SGT Barnett died when a piece of shrapnel struck his head after an IED exploded under the vehicle next to him. SGT B was very outgoing, and had soon made inroads into the company to which he had just been assigned. He was funny and always eager to serve others.

I was with him the entire time he was at the Combat Field Hospital (CASH). I watched them do surgery on his head to save his life. I know currently there is a great deal of concern being expressed over Walter-Reed and other military medical facilities, but the doctors at the CASH are the finest in the world. They did all they could for this young sergeant. Eventually they had to make a decision to move from treatment to making him comfortable. All the while, I made sure that we respected his religious background, and I prayed constantly for his well-being. The hardest thing for me as a chaplain was to watch his friends and his chain of command come in to see him for the first time after the surgery.

The amazing thing about the CASH is that, while it is swarming with senior NCOs and officers, most of them Air Force, they go out of their way to make sure that the needs of the patient’s friends are met. I watched as a LTC [editor's note: LTC=Lieutenant Colonel=senior-ranking officer] asked a SPC[editor's note: SPC=Specialist=junior-ranking enlisted soldier] if he needed anything. I have not seen such compassion in any hospital I have ever visited. The CASH here at LSAA is the busiest American trauma hospital in the world, yet the medical personnel still take the time to discreetly weep over the patients they cannot save and do the best they can for the patients and their friends at the hospital. In the background, in the midst of all this care, is the never-ending sounds of the helicopter rotor blades, signaling that more casualties are on their way.

War Is Sin
There is no such thing as a good war. War might be justified. War might be necessary to stop a greater evil, but when people resort to killing each other to solve problems we have failed God. If anyone wants to disagree with this bold statement, they can come with me to visit the ICU ward that houses all of the Iraqi children wounded by this conflict. Most of these children have been wounded by the enemy. The enemy believes that if these innocents die in jihad they will go to the top levels of heaven anyway. I wonder if anyone asked their mothers if they had an opinion. I have, unfortunately, been all over the CASH, but the ward that still breaks my heart the most is not filled with soldiers but is instead filled with wounded, sometimes limbless, children who look at you with the faces that ask “why does this happen?” The real shock comes when these children begin to accept their fate with the stoicism of an adult, signaling forever and all too soon the death of a childhood they should have been able to enjoy.

Care of Casualties
Again, there has been much talk of how bad things are going at Walter Reed. I cannot speak to that issue. What I can say is that our soldiers receive the best care that they absolutely can here in the field and at the CASH at LSAA [editor's note: Logistical Support Area Anaconda]. The first people to care for our wounded are their buddies. Nearly everyone has been trained as a combat lifesaver, and we all receive periodic refresher courses on what we need to do in case of trauma. After us, our platoon level medics come next. I know of two instances where our platoon medics saved the lives of our soldiers. And they do this, by the way, while receiving fire from the enemy in very hostile situations. After our medics we have either our aid station or the flight medics themselves who travel on the medevac helicopters. Our aid station has one doctor and one physician’s assistant, plus numerous NCOs and enlisted medics who have worked through multiple deployments. The flight medics are the best in the world, and they can treat a patient while they are moving to the CASH. It usually takes less than fifteen minutes for the medevac helicopters to arrive. The birds land directly at the CASH, where the patients are moved immediately into the ER. The CASH has all the modern conveniences of a trauma hospital in a multi-tent complex. Meanwhile, members from the soldier’s chain of command all the way up to the battalion commander, XO, and sergeants major are usually there to be with the soldiers. In the case of SGT B, I was with him throughout the entire surgery, and either he or his buddies were holding his hand while he was in ICU waiting to fly back to Germany.

Hope
Returning to SGT B, we flew him back to Germany so he could be with his family when they decided to take him off life support. It also gave his family members the opportunity to decide they wanted to donate his organs. Today, because of the generosity of a family and the untimely death of a young soldier, a 51 year-old European man has a new heart. SGT B’s mom, a RN, was able to bathe his body as they prepped it for surgery. His gift of life to another human does not lessen the grief of his family, but it does speak volumes about the character of our soldiers and our “common” people. I think this might be more newsworthy than Britney Spears shaving her head.

Dog Ministry
After one of her team members received a serious injury, I was speaking to one of our grieving soldiers, trying to comfort her. He was sent home after receiving wounds to his legs during one of our operations. I was doing my best to listen, trying to put some sort of theological spin on her grief, when a dog walked by us. The dog, which belongs to the Special Forces detachment and guards their compound, had come over for his daily scratch on the head. The soldier immediately walked by me and walked up to the dog to pet him. I looked over at CPL C and told him that the dog had done more good and more ministry in five minutes than I could have possibly done in an hour. I gave him a pat, too. If you cannot beat them, join them!

CSM Mellinger
As CPL C and I were waiting with SGT B, trying to do the best we could for his friends, a CSM (Command Sergeant Major) started talking to CPL C. A CSM is a pretty big deal. He is the NCO equivalent of at least a BN CDR [editor's note: BN CDR=Battalion Commander]. Because of their seniority, CSMs have been around awhile, and it bodes well for everyone to a.) listen to them, and b.) keep them happy. They are like everyone’s surrogate mom, but the surrogate mom who is more Spartan than Martha Stewart. CSM "Mom" is not happy, for example, when you are late, out of uniform, and your weapon is not clean. I try to avoid an angry CSM due to the high risk for collateral damage.

Anyway, CSM Mellinger is speaking to CPL C, and I am thinking that I have seen him before. The reason I saw him before was that he is the head CSM for all of Iraq: translation—he is GEN Petraus’ counterpart. He happened to be at the CASH checking out the entire process of how soldiers are treated. He went with the casualties to the freedom flight (the flights taking patients to Germany). SGT B’s squad, myself, and CPL C helped carry in SGT B, and I said the prayer for all the patients and the doctors on the flight. Every critical patient has three medical personnel (flight nurse, pain specialist, and doctor) assigned to them during the trip. Once they arrived in Germany, CSM Mellinger changed his orders so he could escort the family to see SGT B. All these things he did not have to do. It meant a great deal to our soldiers because it was genuine and gave us the feeling that someone higher up the chain or command cared about what was going on at the pointy tip of the spear.

Lack of Letters; Adopt-a-Chaplain, Armed Forces Support Coalition, Soldiers Angels
As I type this out I am looking at the organized pile of letters that I need to reply to. I am still trying to find time to write to two little girls who wrote me in December. I want to assure you that CPL C and I are doing the best we can to catalogue and post all that we receive. Since we bounce between three FOBs it is hard to find a block of time to address the admin issues. The other problem is that we have been involved in fairly consistent combat operations for the past two months. Whenever we have soldiers in need of ministry, this takes precedence over the notes back. Please know that our soldiers are receiving the items. We are passing out supplies to the Iraqis, and your donations are making a difference. Another problem we have run into this time is that we are limited to what kind of pictures we can take outside our FOBs. Due to some fairly irresponsible picture taking and posting, the Army has understandably clamped down on personal cameras. I just want you to know that all the letters will get answered (eventually), and that we appreciate your support. The items are not disappearing into the ether.

Chaplain Sculpture
Our mechanics gave me the coolest gift I have ever received in the military. It transcends any medal or award. One of their soldiers has been working on his welding skills, so he started taking scraps of metal, bolts, and nuts and began to make sculptures of infantrymen and mechanics. They usually called them the “disgruntled mechanic” or the “disgruntled infantryman.” They even came complete with a cigarette in their mouths. I remarked how creative they were, and I mentioned that they should make more and try to sell them. They thought it was a good idea but reminded me that the Army would probably frown on them profiteering off its supplies. Well, unbeknownst to me, they made a sculpture of a not-disgruntled chaplain, complete with Kevlar and Bible. I will keep that on my desk wherever I go. When soldiers give you a pat on the back like that, you can go anywhere and do anything for them.

Handkerchief
Before I left, I purchased a digital camouflage bandana with Psalm 91 written on it. I had Heather, her sister, my boys, and my nephew sign it. The bandana is probably the most valuable thing that I carry. Besides helping me pray the psalm before I roll out on a CLiP, it has dried the tears of many grieving soldiers. Literally baptized with blood, sweat, and tears, it has taken on the sacredness of a holy relic. It will be something I will probably carry for the remainder of my life, tucked away somewhere. A thing to remind me of the nobility of the people I have served with over here.

Grief
I will close with these thoughts on grief. One of the most difficult parts of my calling is to watch other soldiers grieve the loss of their friends. It has been especially tough for me to watch our BN CDR and CSM grieve. I remind myself and our soldiers that they grieve for the entire battalion, and all the memories of past losses come back to haunt them during these very difficult times. As WH6 reminded me, they can grieve but cannot break, for as they go so goes the battalion. I have always believed that a mark of heroism is when ordinary people continue to act courageously despite overwhelming odds and the lack of an ensured victory. Despite all that has happened, our leadership continues to believe in our mission and in our soldiers. I find that comforting, because even chaplains have doubts at times. As we grieve our losses, it is my prayer that will not remain unshaped by them, but that God will find a way to use them for good.

Signing Off
God bless you all for keeping us in your prayers and for supporting us. You are never far from our thoughts. Thank you for remaining faithful to us and for not forgetting about the great men and women who serve.

Gratia et Veritas,
Warhorse Archangel

BARNETT MEMORIAL--2 MAR 2007

2007-03-05T13:04:00.001+08:00

BEYOND THE CALL OF DUTY
MEMORIAL MESSAGE
for
SGT JEREMY D. BARNETT
2MAR07

SCRIPTURE

Romans 8:25-28 (NASB)
25 But if we hope for what we do not see, with perseverance we wait eagerly for it.
26 In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to
pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words;
27 and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who
love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.

INTRODUCTION
SGT Jeremy D. Barnett was a soldier who lived his life “above and beyond the call of duty.” He was always looking for ways to help his fellow soldiers. He had an infectious personality which, within only a few weeks after arriving at Patrol Base O'Ryan, allowed him to develop friendships with the other soldiers. He also saw many opportunities to serve. Because of his character, because duty to him was not just another slogan posted on a wall, SGT Barnett would volunteer to help his comrades during his days off from his official duty.

SGT Barnett’s sense of selflessness did not and does not just stop with him. The day of his injury initiated a chain of events that shows just how special our soldiers and military personnel truly are. Immediately a medic and members of the patrol sprung into action, placing themselves in harm's way to get SGT Barnett to safety. The platoon and company leadership prepped the battlefield so that the medevac could make a clean and easy recovery. The personnel at the CASH first tried all they could to save his life and then compassionately did all they could to minister to our grieving soldiers.

QUESTIONS
Whenever we lose a soldier, a friend, a comrade, many of us begin to ask certain inevitable questions. We begin to wonder, to do the math, and to ask ourselves what his death gained us? This is another way of asking if his life mattered. And if we look deep within our own hearts, we are asking the same questions of ourselves: "Do our lives matter?" While most of us will keep these questions to ourselves, we should nonetheless face our doubts, our grief, and our anger with courage and honesty, for if we do not, then they will turn into cynicism, despair, and hatred.

PERSEVERANCE and COURAGE
When we lose one of our own, it is easy to begin to grow bitter or doubtful about whether we are making a difference, but to travel down this path is to lose hope. And in this theater, in combat, losing hope is something we cannot do. SGT Barnett did not lose hope in his mission because he understood that his mission was to support and aid his fellow soldiers. SGT Barnett did not lose hope in our mission because he did not lose his faith in you, his comrades, his friends.

He kept his hope because he faced the realities of his life with courage and perseverance. Courage was something Jeremy exercised every day. Senator John McCain said this about courage: “Courage is like a muscle. The more we exercise it, the stronger it gets.” We will need this strength in the months ahead. We will need to stretch out our courage on a daily basis. And the day-to-day exercise of courage, of honoring the sacred covenants we as soldiers have made to God and to one another, regardless of the circumstances, outcomes, or sacrifice, this stretching out of courage can be called by another word: perseverance.

ANSWERS
The questions will be there for the rest of our lives as we reflect upon all the good men and women who have been hurt or who have crossed the River Jordan while serving in Iraq. We can turn our equipment into CIF, we can submit our paperwork to PCS or to retire, we can go on to live long and productive lives after our service, but we will never be able to unburden ourselves of the weight of one question--as combat veterans, we will never be able to exchange it or forget about it: "Was our service worth it?" As we struggle with this question, perhaps we need to ask ourselves whether it is the question that we ask that is the problem instead of the answer that we seek.

As soldiers we are witnesses, and as a soldier I constantly see the day-to-day acts of courage that each and every one of you do. While it is easy to become mired in the frustrations of soldiering and of living together as a family, it is also easy to notice how you truly are extraordinary people doing extraordinary things. And the next time we grow weary of the inevitable grind that a deployment brings, then let us remember SGT Jeremy Barnett, a soldier, like most of you, who went beyond the call of duty to serve those and help those around him. He is an example of who we should be, who we can be, who we shall be.

CONCLUSION
Let me close with this true story about courage, about perseverance, about faithfulness.

In 79 AD, when the eruption of Mt. Vesuvius destroyed the city of Pompeii, many people were buried in the ruins. Some took cover underground, and the place became their burial chamber. Those who chose a high hiding place were also unable to escape destruction. But a Roman soldier was found at the city gate, his hands still grasping his weapon. That was where he had been placed by his captain. While the earth shook beneath him, while the flood of ashes and cinders overwhelmed him, he stood at his post; and it was there he was found a thousand years later.

We grieve the loss of our brother, SGT Jeremy D. Barnett. But SGT Barnett’s death was not a tragedy, at least not yet. For we have yet to write the final history of our battalion, our company, and of our own lives. His death will be tragic if we go about our daily activities unchanged, unaffected, and unmoved by his life. Let us dare not forget SGT Jeremy Barnett’s witness. He did all that was asked of him: he faced the enemy with courage, kept his post, remained faithful to his friends, and maintained his honor. He did all of that, and more. He went beyond the call of duty. Hallelujah, Amen.