Tom Jackson Online

Van Rompuy Wins EU Presidency Contest

2009-11-19T20:39:00.004Z

Belgian PM Herman van Rompuy has been selected as the first President of the new European Council.

Mr van Rompuy, who is virtually unheard of outside Belgium, had the overwhelming support of the 27 nations represented at Brussels.

Speaking after the decision UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown praised Mr Van Rompuy as "a consensus builder" who had "brought a period of political stability to his country after months of uncertainty".

Mr van Rompuy's victory means that Tony Blair will not feature on the new EU stage. He can hopefully now scuttle back under his rock - or better still a train.

Just over seven months before the General Election.

One-Eyed Scottish Idiot Strikes Again

2009-11-09T18:02:00.004Z

Prime Minister Gordon Brown stands in the firing line today accused of insincerity in a letter of condolence sent to the grieving mother of a fallen British soldier.

The handwritten letter, sent to the mother of Guardsman Jamie Janes, was wrongly addressed to "Mrs James". Jamie was killed by a roadside bomb in the troubled Helmand province of Afghanistan.

Continuing his downward literary spiral the PM mis-spelt the words "condolences", "greatest" and "colleagues". Things couldn't get much worse before the PM, who allegedly holds a first class honours degree, inconsiderately scrawled out a spelling mistake in the name "Jamie".

Mr Brown has apologised to Mrs Janes, although if he had a little bit more pride in his work it would never have happened.

Only eight months (tops) before we're shot of him.

Brown Staying Put

2009-11-04T20:41:00.003Z

The most popular petition to appear on the Downing Street website has reached a gripping conclusion.

Or rather not.

The petition, which attracted more than 72,000 signatories, said: "We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to resign".

Downing Street issued the following reply earlier today: "The Prime Minister is completely focussed on restoring the economy, getting people back to work and improving standards in public services. As the Prime Minister has consistently said, he is determined to build a stronger, fairer, better Britain for all."

In other words we're lumbered with the one-eyed Scottish fuckwit for a while longer.

Bugger.

Spineless

2009-11-03T18:01:00.003Z

It saddens me to report that the Conservatives, my party, have spinelessly reneged on their promise to hold a post-ratification referendum on the Treaty of Lisbon.

Czech President Vaclav Klaus signed the Treaty, albeit begrudgingly, earlier this afternoon paving the way ever closer to a single European superstate.

Mr Klaus is quoted as saying: "I do not consider the Lisbon Treaty to be a good thing for Europe, for the freedom of Europe, or for the Czech Republic.

"However, the train has already travelled so fast and so far that I guess it will not be possible to stop it or turn it around, however much we would wish to."

William Hague was wheeled out this evening to break the news that the Conservatives wouldn't now honour their promise to let the people speak.

David Cameron will announce his new plans on Europe later this week.

Lazy Postie Bastards

2009-10-28T18:15:00.005Z

Thousands of Royal Mail workers are set to strike again after another day of deadlock between the Government and Communication Workers Union.

Postal services ground to a halt last week after two days of strategically-planned strikes crippled the Royal Mail network.

At the heart of the disagreement are Royal Mail's plans to modernise the postal service.

Understandably, in a world of cut-throat opposition, Royal Mail is keen for post to be collected, sorted and delivered in as cost-effective a manner as possible. This involves the introduction of smart machinery that sorts the post more quickly and puts it into the correct sequence for delivery. They're also trialling combined delivery and collection runs to make the operation even slicker. The Union doesn't like all this modernisation because they think it'll mean redundancies. It probably will, but Royal Mail has to evolve to remain a competitive business.

There are certain cost-inefficient perks of the job that Posties mistakenly believe are theirs as of right. For example, they're accustomed to claiming an hour's overtime when their round overruns by only 5 minutes. Not surprisingly Royal Mail would prefer them to do a whole hour's work for their hour's overtime - a novel idea that has further enraged the workshy trade unionists.

If you're thinking that I'm unsympathetic to the Posties' cause then you'd be absolutely right. They should count themselves very lucky that they have any employment in the situation we're currently in.

They should also consider how easy it would be to replace them with negligibly skilled workers.

About Turn

2009-10-28T16:26:00.006Z

Prime minister Gordon Brown has been forced into another sniveling u-turn on the proposed 6-month halt to Territorial Army training.

The myopic move, calculated to save a mere £20 million of the Army's budget, would have seen Britain's 34,000 TA volunteers stagnate until the release of fresh funding next April.

The plans attracted widespread criticism from Labour backbenchers and opposition parties alike, forcing the Government into compromise on Monday with the reintroduction of some paid training for non-deployed TA personnel.

The PM backpedaled even further today with the announcement that it would be business as usual for the TA, with the abandonment of the 6-month training suspension.

However, I can reveal that budgetary constraints on Defence Training Estate (DTE), the MOD agency responsible for training areas and ranges across the UK, will mean that training facilities are withdrawn from all non-deploying units. Extreme cost-cutting measures will see more than half of DTE's resources mothballed between November and April next year.

By anyone's reckoning it's been another bad day for the Government.

Lovely jubbly.

Government Slash TA Training

2009-10-10T19:11:00.010Z

"I said BANG!"

The Government has ordered a stop to all Territorial Army training for the next six months, in a move to save the paltry sum of £20 million.

God knows how many TA personnel will actually return after six months sat doing nothing. The Government's plan is slightly more palatable than making them redundant, although it will undoubted have the same outcome.

Having pissed away £12 million on MPs' second home allowances alone last year (not including £22,000 dry rot treatments and £8,000 television sets), it's difficult to see how they can justify cuts in essential military training.

The myopic directive will apply to all forms of TA training, which usually involves a commitment of one evening per week and a minimum of 27 full days each year.

The TA, with a current strength of around 34,000, provides a vital boost to front line fighting units of around 1,500 personnel each year. Many more TA reservists take up full time supporting roles on the home front.

I actually heard rumour on the grapevine that TA units had insufficient ammunition to undergo normal training. I took that with a pinch of salt but it's beginning to ring true now.

New Labour knife the British Armed Forces yet again.

Dannatt: Government Shortchanging Troops

2009-10-07T09:02:00.003Z

Britain's former top soldier has claimed the Government disregarded military advice to boost troop numbers in Afghanistan.

General Sir Richard Dannatt, who served as Chief of the General Staff until the end of September, requested an extra 2,000 pairs of boots on the ground in March but was rewarded with only 700 - the equivalent to a single extra infantry battalion to police the troubled Helmand province.

Armed Forces Minister Bill Rammell further enflamed the situation by saying that the Government wasn't obliged to follow the advice of military chiefs but had to take a "broader view".

It would seem that Government claims that our Armed Forces would get whatever they needed are complete hogwash.

Cameron Reaffirms Tory Stance on Lisbon Treaty

2009-10-03T12:07:00.004Z

On the eve of the Conservatives conference in Manchester David Cameron has reaffirmed the party's stance on Europe.

Speaking in his weekly email to party members David candidly appraised the steep challenge faced by the Conservatives at the next General Election, which must be held by 3rd June 2010.

"To win a majority, we must hold every seat we won in 2005 plus an additional 117 constituencies. This would be the biggest number of Conservative gains at a General Election since 1931."

Speaking on the Lisbon Treaty, he said: "I have said repeatedly that I want us to have a referendum. If the Treaty is not ratified in all Member States and not in force when the election is held, and if we are elected, then we will hold a referendum on it, we will name the date of the referendum in the election campaign, we will lead the campaign for a 'No' vote."

David concluded his message by reassuring members that even if the Treaty was in force before the next Conservative Government it would be closely scrutinised.

His words come the day after a ConservativeHome poll showed more than 80% of the party members questioned wanted a referendum on the new European Constitution come what may.

Reassuringly 92% of members said they were satisfied with David's leadership.

Hague on Target

2009-10-03T09:37:00.006Z

With Ireland in economic turmoil their fickle population, who dismissed the same idea only a year ago, look almost certain to approve the controversial Treaty of Lisbon.

An Irish yes vote could see the Treaty quickly ratified and the installation of the first President of the Europe by the end of this month. The newspapers are full of speculation that Tony Blair is the man earmarked for the job.

Step back to 21st January 2008. William Hague, a fine Parliamentarian and perhaps the best Prime Minister we'll never have, addresses the Commons on this very issue:

"To see how the post of a permanent President of the European Council could evolve is not difficult even for the humblest student of politics, and it is, of course, rumoured that one Tony Blair may be interested in the job.

"If that prospect makes us uncomfortable on these Benches, just imagine how it will be viewed in Downing Street! I must warn Ministers opposite that having tangled with Tony Blair across the Dispatch Box on literally hundreds of occasions, I know his mind almost as well as they do. I can tell them that when he goes off to a major political conference of a centre-right party and simultaneously refers to himself as a socialist, he is on manoeuvres, and is busily building coalitions as only he can.

"We can all picture the scene at a European Council sometime next year. Picture the face of our poor Prime Minister as the name "Blair" is nominated by one President and Prime Minister after another: the look of utter gloom on his face at the nauseating, glutinous praise oozing from every Head of Government, the rapid revelation of a majority view, agreed behind closed doors when he, as usual, was excluded. Never would he more regret no longer being in possession of a veto: the famous dropped jaw almost hitting the table, as he realises there is no option but to join in.

"And then the awful moment when the motorcade of the President of Europe sweeps into Downing street. The gritted teeth and bitten nails: the Prime Minister emerges from his door with a smile of intolerable anguish; the choking sensation as the words, "Mr President", are forced from his mouth. And then, once in the Cabinet room, the melodrama of, "When will you hand over to me?" all over again."

Looks like William's humerous anecdote is about to come true.

Yuck.

Labour's Lost It

2009-09-29T21:32:00.002Z

If The Sun says so I suppose it must be true.

Behold tomorrow's front page.

The Sun's withdrawal of support signals almost certain doom for the Government. Like we didn't know that anyway!

G20 Assault Copper Stinks

2009-09-28T17:12:00.005Z

Remember the acne-scarred Met Police sergeant who took the law into his own hands by slapping down a woman protestor at the G20 protests in April?

The Crown Prosecution Service has just confirmed that Sergeant Delroy Smellie (no joke) will face charges for his physical overreaction to protestor Nicola Fisher's taunts.

A CPS spokesman said: "The Crown Prosecution Service has decided that there is sufficient evidence to charge Police Sergeant Delroy (Tony) Smellie with the offence of assault by beating of Nicola Fisher on 2 April 2009 at a demonstration in the City of London."

Smellie will appear before City of Westminster Magistrates Court on 16th November.

His assault on Ms Fisher was captured on video. Smellie, who towers above slight Ms Fisher, first struck her with the back of his hand. When she expressed her distain at this first blow he drew his baton and struck her legs.

As Smellie knows the game I would fully expect him to plead guilty and resign before he's pushed. Quite right too.

Birthday Delivery Kills Pedestrian

2009-09-22T21:02:00.006Z

A former Metropolitan police officer killed a woman pedestrian as he sped at over 100 mph to deliver a birthday card in his patrol car.

Malcolm Searles, 24, was speeding along the streets of Bromley, west London when he mowed down 61-year-old Sandra Simpson as her husband watched helplessly.

Analysis of the patrol car's onboard data recorder showed Searles had reached speeds in excess of 100 mph and used the vehicle's blue lights and siren during his personal errand.

Searles pleaded guilty to causing death by dangerous driving at Southwark Crown Court and faces up to 15-years imprisonment.

Searles' lawyer issued the following statement: "The death of Sandra Simpson on 23 August last year was a tragedy for which Malcolm Searles accepts full responsibility and apologises unreservedly to her family and friends for his actions that night.

"He does not expect their forgiveness but he does want them to know he is truly sorry."

Well what do you know? Yet another Met copper who thinks he's immune to the law. Time for a very deep clean of Britain's largest force.

The First Cut is the Deepest

2009-09-15T21:05:00.004Z

So our illustrious unelected leader finally plucked up the courage to admit that his Government, in the highly unlikely event they win the next General Election, would have to cut spending.

Speaking to the TUC in Liverpool Gordon Brown said the Government would "cut costs, cut inefficiencies, cut unnecessary programmes and cut lower priority budgets" but he would not support cuts in "vital frontline services on which people depend".

I wonder why he's mentioning it now? Is it because he knows he'll have no opportunity to resolve Britain's economic problems? Problems of his own making? Is it so he can stand in the backbenches of Opposition wagging his finger and saying "I told you so"?

Tough decisions and economies have to be made.

It isn't going to be easy for anyone, but when Brown's wagging his finger of disapproval at the Conservatives they can honestly reply that it's not their mess they'll be tidying up.

Shamed Williams Booted from US Open

2009-09-13T15:00:00.004Z

Grunting US tennis player Serena Williams has been disqualified from the US Open after threatening a lineswoman over her foot fault call.

The reining Open champion, who had earlier been penalised for petulantly smashing her racquet, stormed across to the dazed official yelling: "I swear to God, I'm going to take this ball and shove it down your throat".

Williams was playing the semi final match against 26-year-old Kim Clijsters, who has recently returned to the game after giving birth to a daughter.

Derren Brown Lottery Stunt

2009-09-12T14:29:00.009Z

In a stroke of apparent genius illusionist Derren Brown seemingly predicted Wednesday night's lottery numbers before they were drawn.

I'd like to focus on the words "illusionist" and "seemingly" in my opening line.

The idea that Derren Brown and twenty four ordinary folk could pool their predictive mind power and come up trumps is absurd in the extreme. If he was really able to do that do you think he would be peddling his wears on Channel 4? Of course not - he'd be sunning himself in the Bahamas without the need to worry about money ever again.

If it could be done on the basis of mathematical probability what's to stop anyone else from getting two dozen friends together, picking their brains for a few hours and then sharing the lottery jackpot with them?

Brown's programme last night was nothing more than a smoke screen to deflect people from the only way he could have possibly pulled off his 1 in 14 million feat - by somehow switching the "winning balls" on display for the actual numbers drawn.

Okay, he'd have to be bloody quick and sly to do that, but somehow that's what he must have done. Why was the stunt filmed with no audience if everything was above board? Perhaps some fancy editing the split second after the draw gave a stagehand just enough cover to slip the correct numbers into place? Perhaps Brown's balls (excuse the expression) were all blank and some technical wizardry was able to superimpose the correct digits on them? Why was a hand held camera (with associated image shakiness) used to film the stunt when it was performed in a proper studio? However he achieved the switch any sane person can see that's the only plausible explanation.

Anyone who believes Brown pulled off the virtually impossible should give them self a good shake.

Reliving 9/11

2009-09-08T20:01:00.004Z

The UK's Channel 4 television station has been running a series of documentaries to coincide with the eighth anniversary of the terror attacks on New York's World Trade Center.

I happened to watch their programme "9/11: 102 Minutes that Changed America" last night and found it absolutely encapsulating. The programme charted the 102 minutes between the first plane striking the north tower and the collapse of the south tower.

It had no commentary, nor did it need any because the footage gathered by the mass media relived the events of that day in clinical detail.

I remember that day well, it being the most notable historic event in my lifetime. I was at home on holiday from university watching the news as I often do. My parents and grandparents were on a joint holiday on the west coast of Scotland at the time, so I was minding the house. Kay Burley broke the news on Sky and within a matter of moments live images of the burning north tower were being streamed from the local news channels.

There were blue skies across Manhattan that morning and eyewitnesses quickly reported a jet had flown at the tower square on. This happened at 8:46 AM local time, so everyone was glued to their screens as the second plane, United Airlines Flight 175, hit the south tower at 9:03 AM.

The Channel 4 programme showed a montage filmed at ground level. The massed crowds huddled around radios, looking skyward at the smouldering towers. Emergency crews rushing dutifully to their certain death shortly before the towers collapsed. The thick grey shroud of dust that rushed up the streets with the pace and ferocity of stampeding bulls. Dust so thick it would hang over Manhattan for the remainder of that year as a persistent reminded of the terror above.

It was quite a documentary.

Soggy Sparklers

2009-09-08T18:42:00.003Z

Conservative chairman Eric Pickles has called on local authorities to preserve the traditions of election night.

Mr Pickles said that the European Parliamentary Elections earlier in the year had demonstrated how a delayed count had "all the impact of a soggy sparkler on Bonfire Night".

His comments come as several authorities are considering moving their election counts to the morning after to save on staffing costs.

I think that'll be a real shame if Eric's prophecy comes true. I'm glued to the goggle box every election night and I'm absolutely fascinated by the results coming in. It just wouldn't be the same if somewhere like Sunderland South, first out of the starting blocks every election night, were to pause their count until the following day.

Of course they'd just be delaying the inevitable.

You Can't Educate Pork

2009-09-05T10:51:00.003Z

Funnily enough that title was how I signed off my last post about Jade Goody's widower Jack Tweed.

It appears Tweed's halo has slipped once again, as he appears before Redbridge Magistrates' Court today on charges of rape.

The deed is alleged to have occurred in the early hours of Friday morning.

I'm sure Jade would be really proud of you Jack.

North West Supplies

2009-09-03T21:18:00.016Z

I've had the recent misfortune of having to deal with a company called North West Supplies. Their appalling customer service, highlighted at some length in this post, should serve as a constant reminder to all businesses of how not to treat their customers.

On 17 July I ordered goods to the value of £67.49 from this company. I paid by PayPal account balance so they received the funds pretty much instantly. Several days passed and there was no sign of my parcel.

I went away for a fortnight at the beginning of August. I returned home in eager anticipation that my order had been delivered. Not a sausage.

I waited another week before I emailed their customer services people. They didn't even bother to respond.

Eventually, with my patience wearing thin at their reluctance to communicate, I decided to open a dispute with PayPal for non-delivery of the goods. North West Supplies hadn't responded to my dispute by the fourth business day so I decided to escalate things to a claim.

It was a further 3 days before North West Supplies furnished PayPal with a tracking number for my order. It would transpire they'd rushed out and posted my order now that PayPal were sniffing about. No doubt they were mindful of the inconvenience PayPal could inflict on their online trading efforts.

The final insult happened today when I eventually received my goods. They had addressed the package incorrectly, so I had to chase around the neighborhood to recover it. I hasten to add that my confirmatory email (back in July) contained all the correct delivery details.

All in all a pretty pathetic level of customer service all evidenced in the paper trail shown below. I reluctantly withdrew my PayPal claim as soon as I had the goods in my hand. On reflection I probably shouldn't have afforded them that generosity, considering they had the audacity to charge me £7.53 for delivery.

This post will remain here as a permanent reminder of my experience of dealing with North West Supplies.

17 July 09: Order placed and PayPal payment made, as shown in image above. Sharper readers will notice that my payment involved a USD to GBP currency conversion, but that's of no consequence to the recipient.

20 August 09: PayPal dispute opened.

25 August 09: PayPal dispute escalated to claim after North West Supplies fail to respond.
1 September 09: North West Supplies provide PayPal with tracking information for my order.

1 September 09: Parcelforce take receipt of my goods from North West Supplies.

3 September 09: Order is accepted by someone (who I don't know) at a different address, having been wrongly addressed by North West Supplies. Thankfully I'm able to track it down and reclaim it.

Google Barbecue Fire

2009-08-27T15:15:00.004Z

It appears the clever people at Google aren't all the clever after all, having accidently set fire to their London headquarters.

The fire broke out at the top of the building close to London's Victoria Station.

A spokesman for the London Fire Brigade said: "We are attending a six-storey building on Buckingham Palace Road. We have four fire engines in attendance with 20 fire fighters. A small patio area on the fifth floor is alight."

Rumour has it a Googler's rooftop barbecue was going on shortly before the blaze.

Boycott Scotland

2009-08-25T14:18:00.006Z

That's the title of a website, not a personal opinion.

Hot off the cyber-press is the all new Boycott Scotland website, which aims to inform Americans about things to avoid in protest at Scotland's recent decision to release convicted mass murderer Abdel Baset al-Megrahi. I've already given my opinion on Kenny MacAskill's spineless decision, so shan't dwell on it any further today.

If you're interested in the boycott I'll save you the trek across cyberspace by giving some of the highlights here.

Scottish things to avoid:

Pneumatic tyres (that's tires folks).
Tarmac.
Television.
Telephones and fax machines.
Suspension bridges.
Ultrasound.
MRI.
Hypodermic needles.
Beta blockers.
Finger printing.
Golf.

If you want to extend your boycott to include products from the rest of the UK then you'd better add the following items to the list:

The world wide web.
Liquid crystal displays.
Microphones.
SMS.
Optical fibres.
RAM.
MP3 players.
PDAs.
LEDs.
Sewing machines.
Adjustable spanners.
Electrical transformers.
Polyester.

Gulp. Did we really invent all of those things?

I'm feeling all patriotic all of a sudden!

CGS Accused of Frugal Lifestyle

2009-08-25T11:39:00.004Z

The Ministry of Defence has revealed the modesty of the Chief of General Staff's expenses, as the Government's plan to smear Britain's top soldier backfires in spectacular fashion.

Between April 2005 and March 2009 the CGS, General Sir Richard Dannatt, claimed just over £19,000 in expenses. This pales into insignificance when compared to Defence Secretary Bob Ainsworth's claim for almost £400,000 in the same period.

Ainsworth claimed £2,200 for a sofa, whereas Sir Richard managed to feed 120 dignitaries at a barbecue reception for only £1,320.

General Dannatt is believed to have sanctioned the release of his expenses, amid a Government plot to smear his reputation in revenge for his outspokenness on soldier welfare and equipment inadequacies.

Kevan Jones, soon to be former Durham North MP and junior defence flunky, is the name squarely in the frame for attempting to knife Britain's top soldier.

General Dannatt is retiring from the Army at the end of this week and will be replaced in the top job by nine mile sniper General Sir David Richards.

Scots Release Lockerbie Bomber

2009-08-23T14:17:00.006Z

One story has been dominating the news over the past few days - Scotland's decision to release Lockerbie bomber Abdel Baset al-Megrahi on compassionate grounds.

Al-Megrahi was brought to justice almost 12 years after his explosion ripped through Pan Am flight 103 with devastating consequence over the sleepy Scottish town.

A total of 270 people, mainly Americans, lost their lives in the bombing on 21st December 1988.

Al-Megrahi has only a few months to live after being diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer. He was released from Greenock Prison last week on the instructions of Scottish Justice Minister Kenny MacAskill.

He was flown back to a hero's welcome in Libya on a plane chartered specially for the occasion by Colonel Gaddafi.

The US Government is justifiably outraged at the Scottish Government's decision to release the convicted terrorist, who has served only eight years of his life sentence.

Al-Megrahi has shown not one ounce of remorse for his murderous actions. Whilst his compassionate release might be enshrined in the letter of Scots law, it contradicts any sense judicial satisfaction the families of the bereaved may have felt.

For years al-Megrahi, under the watchful gaze of his Libyan masters, evaded the Scottish legal system in a bout of international one-upmanship. As they dodged the international rule of law how much compassion did they show towards the victims' families seeking solace in the truth?

Last Thursday was a sad day for British democracy. We can shrug our shoulders and point accusingly at the SNP Government in Holyrood, but those in Westminster should have stood up to the plate and directed the right course of action.

Back from the Depths

2009-08-23T14:00:00.004Z

Just back from completing my spell of Community Service.

I didn't realise that the crime of principled outspokenness would attract such a hefty tariff.

Anyway, superficial smiling and secretive wincing complete.

I'm back and I'm on form.

Normal service to resume shortly.