Not Too Late To Change The Name

2009-06-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

So.

You're correct to guess that I'm not teaching next year. If you have to ask why, you haven't been reading carefully (and if all you've done is read this site, I'm sorry to say you don't know the half of it). Don't tell me to get a new school, or a new district, or a new attitude. I want a job where you can go home at the end of the day and relax, and I don't want "the end of the day" to be 13 hours after the beginning of the day.

However, people have asked what I'm doing next, not just what I'm *not* doing next.

I've got a summer job I'm excited about, tutoring for low pay at a national nonprofit. This is what I used to do for a living, while tutoring rich kids on the side to make it a living wage. Maybe I'll stick with that.

My nonprofit friends who've moved up to leadership roles seem to enjoy themselves. Maybe I'll do that.

I was a bit of a hotshot writer in the last good economy, so I guess I could always combine my two careers and work in educational publishing. Maybe I'll do that.

Maybe I'll tend bar, maybe the economy will pick up and new choices will present themselves, maybe something interesting will fall into my lap.

Me, I'll be just fine.

Shrimp ceviche

2009-06-23T21:21:00.001-07:00

Shrimp ceviche
Originally uploaded by Jen and Rick

2009-06-19T14:59:00.001-07:00

"School's out for summer. School's out forever."

Plus, Muppets.

2009-06-18T12:43:00.000-07:00

Were you expecting U2, or maybe Metallica? One bourbon, one scotch, one beer? Nope. We're into HOURS now, baby.

"Twenty- twenty- twenty- four hours to go..."

2009-06-17T17:11:00.001-07:00

"It takes TWO to make a thing go right

Not the original studio recording -- again, thanks to the copyright police, I assume -- but it's nice to see Rob Base still jumping around live in 2008. Trivia: I do an accurate (if very white) karaoke version of this song after enough drinks.

It seems fitting that I should have two videos for "two" day. I didn't think I'd be taking reader suggestions, but when a friend mentioned "2 Legit 2 Quit" it was too good (and by that I mean "bad" to pass up). Even better, the video turns out to be an over-the-top 10-minute fiasco of '90s cheese-food. The music doesn't even start until 4:40. Historians of crap pop music, this is your lucky day:

2009-06-16T14:04:00.000-07:00

Holy cow. I'm so glad I don't have to be here until July 31 because of a clerical error, like some classes in the Chino Unified School District. Of course, the article about this clusterfuck is all about how terrible this is for the students, who can either change their summer plans or do independent study, and not a single word about the impact on staff, who I assume have no such choice. I guess teachers and other school employees have no summer plans, right? We live only to teach, and we sleep under our desks at night to make more time for grading and planning.

Oh well. I couldn't find a video of Bob Marley's "THREE Little Birds" thanks to the YouTube copyright police, so instead enjoy a man with THREE buttocks:

2009-06-16T11:22:00.000-07:00

This is one of the last rants I have in me this year...right?

I no longer subscribe to teacher blogs. I have them bookmarked and I visit when I think I can handle it. Having these posts pop up in Google Reader unannounced did nothing good for my mental health. Watching other teachers at safe schools do innovative things and enjoy their jobs while I treaded water (shark-infested water...with a broken leg) is not for the faint-of-heart.

Anyway, I read the teacher blogs today, and one of the big teacher bloggers has announced that he's leaving teaching after 5 years to pursue a PhD in education. This passage particularly struck me:
"The arc of a new teacher's development is short and bends in any number of directions. My own was filled from beginning to end with lucky coincidences, chance mentors who appeared and disappeared at the exact moment I most needed them, hobbies from my childhood which came back around to pay off huge dividends in my classroom. I can't explain any of it. I know I could do it all over again and arrive a completely different teacher."

I think he's being overly humble, but it's interesting to consider the many ways something as complicated as teaching can go. My arc, of course, bent...differently. I was as unlucky as this teacher was lucky, as ineffective as he was effective. People visit his blog and want to become teachers. People read my blog and come away hating the LA public schools, me, or both.

I'm not pointing fingers, but it occurred to me reading that passage that it might be important that I lacked mentorship and even any reasonable support system as a first- and second-year teacher.

I had two BTSA "support providers" in a row who did nothing. One ignored me the entire semester and the next one made it clear she had no time for me, either. She talked a lot about how overextended she was before telling me she'd "sign off on whatever." Hint taken.

At Crazy-Ass High, I was assigned a "buddy" across the hall who was always up for getting a drink after work but didn't actually help with anything teaching-related. Her friend the math department chair was also supposed to help me out, but the only advice she ever had was that I should have more sex. Both these women, towards the end of my time there, made it a habit to harass me first thing in the morning about whether I'd gotten any action lately. My administrators made it clear that I was a joke. (Classic quote: "To these kids, you're Malibu Barbie.") Counselors told me counseling wasn't their job. (?!?) And so on.

When I came to Lord of the Flies Middle School, everyone assumed I was a sub and left me alone. My second year, they assumed that because I wasn't a "new teacher" anymore, I had it together. I got conflicting orders from administrators (one says I'm too nice and another says I'm too mean, etc) and my direct supervisor gave me advice that was less offensive than sex tips but equally unhelpful and almost as insulting. (Earlier this year: go on medication. Just today: stop parting my hair down the middle because it brings attention to my nose. Yes, really.)

It wasn't all bad. The teacher across the hall, who my students treat with a lot more respect than they give me, has given me a hand with discipline this year. My department chair observed one of my classes and gave me some tips. The teacher next door accepts kids who are annoying me in exchange for me taking kids that are annoying him.

However. The dean who was supposed to give all 7th grade teachers discipline support this year decided early on that I wasn't worthy, and undermined me all year. I refer a student for threats or verbal abuse? I get a letter back about what a lame teacher I am, and the kid has a great time in the dean's office listening to him make fun of me. Any other teacher refers a student for similar infractions, and it's a different story. Just this week, one of my students was suspended for calling one of his teachers a "stupid bitch." I can't count how many times I've been called both these things this year, and worse. Eventually I just pretended I had no dean and sent the kids to my teacher buddy across the hall, who attempted to shame them for their nasty mouths but couldn't assign any real consequences.

I wasn't totally on my own, but it sure felt like it on most days. I wonder how much difference a mentor would have made. Or a school with an actual discipline policy, where, for instance, I didn't have to raise hell with five different authorities to get a kid who threatened my life in writing removed from my class. A school where the kid who threw her workbook at me can't then go complain to the principal about ME, and I'm never asked for my side of the story. Etc.

One of my teacher friends emailed me last night suggesting that I'm not a lame teacher, I'm just not at my best in these particular shitty circumstances. That may be true. I'm not sure I care to find out.

2009-06-15T13:37:00.001-07:00

It's movie week at school. Everyone knows it. However, I don't approve of the teacher next door showing White Chicks to a bunch of 7th graders. I'm just sayin'. And now...

FOUR Day Creep

Sorry to those playing along at home...there's no way you were going to get this one. You're not going to guess tomorrow's, either :) Hint: it's not a song.

2009-06-15T10:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, the majority of the people who took the poll -- though not all of them -- would guess that someone named "Jackie" is a woman. That's what I'd pick. I've known a lot of females named Jacqueline who went by "Jackie," but no males named Jack who did. I mean, Jackie Robinson and Jackie Wilson, but none I've actually met.

To make a long story as short as possible, I was out on Friday with a mixed-gender (and mixed race, and mixed generation) crowd. Someone was told that "Ryan, Craig, Jackie, and Rick" were celebrating their science PhDs, and she assumed they were all men. Dr. Jackie is in fact, Dr. Jacqueline. Since I see "Jackie" as a female name, I got more than a little pissed off that such an assumption is still being made in the year 2009 -- by a woman, no less. I think at minimum she should have asked whether they were all guys before assuming. Hell, she asked if any of them were single, so she clearly wasn't above asking for more info.

I may have overreacted, but I think the aphorism about "an ASS out of U and ME" still applies.

2009-06-13T08:44:00.001-07:00

Time for a poll. If you know why I'm asking, please hold your comment until the follow-up post.

If you had to guess, is someone named "Jackie" a man or a woman?(surveys)

2009-06-12T18:06:00.001-07:00

"I got FIVE on it"

Bonus hilarious 90s booty rap video.

2009-06-11T16:06:00.000-07:00

Six Days.

2009-06-10T15:08:00.001-07:00

"A SEVEN nation army couldn't hold me back"

2009-06-09T13:36:00.000-07:00

"EIGHT, EIGHT, I forget what EIGHT was for"

2009-06-08T15:44:00.000-07:00

I Shouldn't Have To Teach Them This, Volume 108

"Can you do this over on a paper that's not covered in blood?"

[Nine days.]

2009-05-30T16:01:00.000-07:00

"It wasn't for children, seventh grade. You could read the stress of even entering the building in the postures of the teachers, the security guards. Nobody could relax in such a racial and hormonal disaster area."
-- Jonathan Lethem, "The Fortress of Solitude"

2009-05-26T10:58:00.000-07:00

Countdown Clocks

2009-05-23T16:59:00.001-07:00

Echo Park danger dog
Originally uploaded by Jen and Rick

Now, if THIS had been the hot dog they gave me at the so-called Teacher Appreciation Lunch, I wouldn't have been offended. Because everything is better wrapped in bacon.

2009-05-22T06:44:00.001-07:00

Rick finished his dissertation, passed his defense, and is now a piece of paperwork or two from an official PhD. About half the stress I've been feeling in 2009 is slowly leaving my body.

Also, there are 20 school days left.

For once, the mythical "light at the end of the tunnel" does not feel like a train, an A-bomb, or a flamethrower.

2009-05-12T19:04:00.001-07:00

Princess Kitchen 2
Originally uploaded by Jen and Rick

I'm so sick of this town, and so few LA natives can understand why.

2009-05-08T17:15:00.000-07:00

"Monday you can fall apart, Tuesday, Wednesday, break my heart..."

Monday: Call in sick to work with the tension headache that won't quit, with bonus nausea and eye floaters. Doesn't hurt enough to be a migraine, but is unpleasant nonetheless.

Find out via email that the teacher down the hall, who I'm pretty sure isn't even 60 yet, has had a stroke. I take this as yet another red flag for my future if I stay in the teaching profession.

Tuesday: Wake up dry heaving at 4am. I guess my lack of appetite lately has its benefits. A few more fits of gagging before work, but I decide another day off would be bad. I was right.

I return to find the students trashed the classroom while I was gone. Tore up the walls, drew/wrote all over the desks, drew a giant cock on the bell schedule. Reports from my period 3 TA, security, and neighboring teachers add details like: the students were throwing things out the window, leaving the classroom and walking around harassing other classes, and (my favorite) THROWING DESKS AND CHAIRS. I make the kids write anonymous reports of what happened and got additional info including bullying, fights, throwing textbooks at each other, and general chaos.

And they say *I* can't control the class. What the hell was wrong with this sub? Finally, student misbehavior that resulted in anger directed outward, not inward. Not just at the students, but at the school culture that has allowed this sort of hooliganism to flourish. I yelled at lots of kids that day, but also several adults.

At the end of period 6, the bell rings, students file out, and a kid kicks his friend in the nuts. The kid who was kicked claims, through his tears, that they were "playing."

Wednesday: My uncle in Connecticut emails me to report that a student has been killed at my alma mater, Wesleyan University. A gunman in a wig walked into the bookstore I used to know as Atticus, shot a junior dead, dropped the wig, and fled. Wesleyan went into lockdown.

I am not a gung-ho Wes alum, feel little connection to the community (this was sadly true during my undergrad years, too, to a certain extent), am somewhat numbed to violence from my time in LA, and do not know any current undergrads. I know stalking, violence, and murder can and do happen everywhere. I have no idea why this bothers me so much. I'm half "this sort of thing shouldn't bother me anymore" and half "thank goodness this sort of thing still bothers me."

Thursday: Wesleyan still in lockdown. Still pissed at my students, the dean, the administration, and the world. It turns out the Wesleyan killer had harassed his victim as early as 2007. Her family knew enough to provide his name as a suspect. It turns out the Middletown PD interviewed him at the crime scene and then let him go (!?) He fled on foot, and when the cops realized he was the guy, they found his journal and laptop in his abandoned car. In the journal, he expressed desire to kill additional Wesleyan students and Jewish people. This is now national news and a national manhunt.

In some small piece of good news, he turns himself in before he hurts anyone else.

Friday: Our staff luncheon for Teacher Appreciation Week is a hot dog.

At the beginning of period 5, a bunch of bad kids stand by my window and stare in. Their teacher is not in his room. They stare glassily and won't disperse. It's creepy. The teacher eventually shows up and I scold him. I don't care anymore. Then I call the principal to complain yet again about the physical plant's continued failure to fix my air conditioner. She, of course, won't take my call.

When that bell rings at 3:04, I'm so glad this week is over. A student comes in to ask me if he can come for tutoring during nutrition on Monday and I tell him sure thing. In the time it takes for us to have that conversation, a student from period 6 comes running into my classroom crying. Another student comes in to comfort him -- the same kid who kicked his friend in the balls on Tuesday! The crying student had been smacked around by two bigger kids but didn't want to report it because snitching in the 'hood makes things worse on you. We devise a code he can use with me if they mess with him in class, make sure the hallway is free of bullies, and let him go.

I chat briefly with the history teacher and the English teacher in the hall, then realize something is wrong. The halls are empty. Usually, we have to spend a good 15 minutes after school clearing the hallways of kids bumming around. "There's got to be a fight outside," I say. Sure enough, no more than 60 seconds later, we hear it. The history teacher and I run towards two 8th grade girls going at it. The cheering crowd encircling them sees teachers coming, and half the kids run east and the other half run west.

I decide to get off campus before anything else happens, and drive down the street to pick up some Mexican pastries. That's when I see a bunch of teenage guys spilling off the sidewalk into the street. One of them is hitting another with a baseball bat. Is that a whiffle bat? No, shit, that's a real bat, and they're not playing. I drive a little further up the road, until I feel like I'm too far for them to see my face or my plates, and pull over. I get out of the car and make a big show of pretending to make a phone call. The guy with the bat and his homies quickly decamp to the waiting getaway van and drive off in the other direction.

Makes me wonder what next week can do for an encore.

2009-05-06T20:33:00.000-07:00

balloons
by Charles Bukowski

I saw too many faces today
faces like balloons.

at times I felt like
lifting the skin
and asking,
"anybody under there?"

there are medical terms for
fear of height
for
fear of
enclosed spaces.

there are medical terms for
any number of
maladies

so
there must be a medical term
for:
"too many people."

I've been stricken with
this malady
all my life:
there has always been
"too many people."

I saw too many faces
today, hundreds of
them

with eyes, ears, lips,
mouths, chins and so
forth

and
I've been alone
for several hours
now

and
I feel that I am
recovering.

which is the good part
but the problem
remains
that I know I'm going to
have to go out there
among them
again.

2009-05-06T11:34:00.001-07:00

15 awesome bus stops. No, really.

2009-05-04T10:44:00.000-07:00

Best music blog post ever?

2009-04-29T17:57:00.001-07:00

"I've given all I can, it's not enough"

Back in 2005, when I was in good shape (ie before teaching ruined all aspects of my life), I completed the LA marathon. I don't say I "ran" it, because I ran-walked it. I'd say I ran a little more than half of it. I achieved the time goal I'd wanted to and, more importantly, I gave 100%, so I was still proud of myself.

During some of my walking times, there'd be people on the sidelines -- and, it should be noted, that some of these people were obviously not in good or even average physical condition -- yelling at me for walking and/or telling me to speed up or start running again.

As Public Enemy once rapped, "got a HELL of a nerve to just criticize."

This has nothing to do with work. Nope.