Angel-in-a Rose

Life on Pause

2009-06-29T13:51:00.002-07:00

So... After a friendly call from my credit card company asking for money I don't have, I've been rethinking this moving thing again. It's just not viable at this time.

I've put a lot of things like getting a real job on pause because what sense would that make if I'm only going to leave in a month. Then one month turned into two, and now into three... And now I'm sitting here with absolutely no money wondering what the hell to do now.

I really wish I could just win the lottery and be rid of all this debt. I'm not greedy though, $20,000 should cover it. Then I'd be able to live the way that I want too. Happy and free.

Delays for Dollars

2009-06-13T09:45:00.002-07:00

So, I was originally planning on moving to the Calgary area the end of May to try to get a full time Nanny job and get my Early Childhood Education (ECE) part time starting in the fall. But then it was pushed back to the end of June so that I could continue to watch my current little munchkins until school was out.

Now, I'm incredibly poor, and someone finally called about the poster I had put up at my corner store in May. So now I'm staying until end of July, or so, because I need money to pay bills, and I haven't lined up a job in AB yet.

I've been excited about moving to Calgary, but also naturally scared that it isn't going to work out like I planned and I'll end up moving back home again. I'm hoping that starting off staying with my cousins will give me a better foot hold, and also a chance to spend some time with my quickly maturing teenage cousins. Although, they are going to be out at Mara Lake all summer, which is far closer to Kamloops, and makes me jealous because I wish I could be out there instead.

The good thing about staying is that means I'm not missing out on another Kamloops summer. I love summers here. And I can still indulge on all the fresh fruit and veggies growing in our garden, which I missed out on last year :(

Hand Painting Genius!!

2009-05-24T11:12:00.003-07:00

Yes, I'm a natural at hand painting Check out my lovely work:

Organic Wool

Alpaca, Mohair, Silk

Mmmm... Can't wait to spin it!!!

Yummy New Yarns

2009-05-10T15:49:00.004-07:00

Here are the 4 yarns I've spun up since getting my wheel last week.

The first one is Hand Dyed (not by me) Alpaca Top, plied with some pastel roving (I think Merino). So yummy and soft!

The second is the same pastel roving plied with some silk roving.

The third is the 2 New Zealand Combed Wool knots that I got from Twist of Fate. I spun the solid colored bits (coral, and 2 shades of pink) together and then plied it with the multi-colored stripy bits. It's so bright and cheerful!!

And the fourth is Hand Dyed (not by me) Punta Top plied with Silk from hankies.

As the Wheel Turns...

2009-05-06T21:58:00.002-07:00

My back hurts. It doesn't like it when I try to sit up straight for long periods of time. That's what happens when you slouch all your life. So why am I sitting up straight for long periods of time you ask? Because it's hard to see the amount of twist your putting into the yarn your spinning if you're all slouched back on the couch.

I think I might run out of fiber by the end of the week... (Ok maybe that's a lie. End of next week maybe.) I need to take pain killers and go to bed now... Will post pics of luscious new yarns latter.

Something About You - Jamelia

2009-04-30T11:04:00.003-07:00

Something About You - Jamelia

I could talk to you for days
You make me laugh one thousand ways
Not realizing (you fill me up)
Like hot water (in my tea cup)
I'm enchanted by your smile
I must admit it took awhile
For me to see that (this was something)
More than (he's my friend it's nothing)

I hope to god, you feel the way I feel
Cuz this could be amazing, something so super real

There's something about you and you don't even know it
I'm telling you now that you got me good
There's something about you and I can't help but show it
Damn it you got me good

Now I'm not alone
With you I'm home
I gotta let you know
You got me good

Your style, your voice, your points of view
The good, the bad, and ugly too
Boy I'll take it (give it to me)
I'll be careful (give it to me)
Addiction don't come close to this
Official is what this shit is
Still I can't say it
No I can't say that I'm in love

I hope to god, you feel the way I feel
Cuz this could be amazing, something so super real

There's something about you and you don't even know it
I'm telling you now that you got me good
There's something about you and I can't help but show it
Damn it you got me good

Now I'm not alone
With you I'm home
I gotta let you know
You got me good

I just wanna, be your all in all (all in all)
I just wanna be the one to make you fall (make you fall)
I wanna take you away
I want you to be ?????
I want you here with me forever be my holiday

Oh.. Yaa...
Let me take you away...
There's something about you!

There's something about you and you don't even know it
I'm telling you now that you got me good
There's something about you and I can't help but show it
Damn it you got me good

Now I'm not alone
With you I'm home
I gotta let you know
You got me good

You got me...
You got me good

I'm stumped...

2009-04-29T19:13:00.004-07:00

I can not even begin to describe what I feel right now. I want to express it somehow but I just don't know how. Which, coming from me, is rather odd I know. I can't even formulate a deep and meaningful poem.

Well... I can come up with a few lines, but nothing that significantly expresses anything close to what is floating through my head. I guess it's still to fresh and new. I need to ponder more. I know, I know... Still completely out of character for me.

Gaaahh!!! I need a sandwich!!! Mmmmm... mustard....

Tudor times...

2009-04-29T18:49:00.003-07:00

Oh, the pleasure of lazing about and watching the beautifully poetic "The Tudors"... I can't watch that show without having grandiose thoughts of poetry and those gorgeous gowns. I always get so plumped up by renaissance shows. So decadent and lush. So poetic and scandalous. Did I mention the lovely gowns yet?

I need to go right a horribly romantic poem now.... Here's one to start:

I dream of times long ago
Of Kings and Queens and such wondrous things
Of splendor and glamour
And the decadent wears of lords and their ladies

SLEEEPPP!!!!

2009-04-15T11:13:00.003-07:00

So, I'm out in Alberta visiting with fam and friends, and I CAN'T SLEEP!!!! I am SOO friggin tired. OK, so last night was totally my fault and I'm not going to talk about it, but Saturday night I couldn't fall asleep, Sunday couldn't fall asleep, Monday stayed up really late watching videos because I couldn't fall asleep. I've had MAYBE 3-4 hours a night, and by night I mean morning.

Also, I think that it really sucks that I have a camera on my laptop but can only use it for MSN not making cool video posts.

Also, I've had alot of sugar in the past 4 days. that maybe part of the reason why I can't sleep.

Also, my cousin is a super hyper bubbly bouncy 13 year old and I think it's wearing off on me...... Or it's the sugar.....

I need a nap and I know of someone else who needs one too :P

Happy Early Birthday to me!!!

2009-04-01T14:34:00.005-07:00

I got a present from my beautiful sister today. She loves me lots. She sent me yarn from Spain :) A big pink log that yes, does look like a penis, some variegated pink rayon and some recycled Sari.

Oh my Quad!!

2009-03-31T17:04:00.002-07:00

After not going to work on Sunday, I was trying to help my dad do stuff out side, which is very hard because he is so persnickety about doing things, and so he offered me money to rip up the deck around the garden. And while we call it a deck, it's actually just a raised wooden pathway around the garden (which is also raised). He wants to rip it up and just put gravel down so there is not a huge gap for critters to be running around undetected.

So I was ripping up planks, which he of course had the use screws to keep down so it's really tuff work, and the next day i noticed how sore my quads were and being typically blond it took me awhile to figure out why. After working on in more today, I understand why. I just spent all day doing quad dips. I sure as hell hope my ass looks great when I'm done this project, cuz it sure hurts right now. I'm gonna go soak in the tub so I can still walk tomorrow....

I woke up this morning...

2009-03-29T17:41:00.003-07:00

and I didn't feel like going to work. So I didn't. I guess I just quit. Maybe I'll be nice and go in tonight to tell them that, and to clean out my locker. Now I gotta find a new job that will let me have days off to babysit...

Oh, also. I have no tongue ring anymore. A ball came off the other day and I decided last time that happened that if it happened again, I was just going to leave it. So I left it. I have a whole tongue again, I wonder what I can do with it?

One Step Closer...

2009-03-28T12:17:00.004-07:00

I finally got my Auth # to start the transfer of my domain name. Now I've had to send in a another complaint that I haven't received the email from them letting me acknowledge the transfer on their end, which is the last step. Then I am free to use the stuff I got through Go Daddy, including some web space and a thingy that sets up web pages for you (so I don't have to do all the work).

I should get the pics I took of the River bank last week up on flicker as well. But it's my one day off for the week, and I am content lazing around and doing um-teen loads of laundry. If the clouds would go away, I would take some pictures of the flowers that are starting to bloom now....

Oh Blogger, how I have missed you...

2009-03-26T10:45:00.002-07:00

My stupid domain registrar is being retarded and won't let me transfer to the new one I signed up for. So, I've had this set to be shown on a none existent site, because I am in limbo right now. So I put it back as blogger hosted for now. I'm getting furious. I need to go have a shower before I have to go to the work that I hate.

Later

Opening Up...

2008-11-16T00:22:00.002-08:00

Opening up and telling people how I really feel has always been a hard thing for me to do. I've always been a people pleaser. But I decided last year that I was going to start opening up and being brutally honest. Sonetimes it works, but most of the time... not so much.

There are certain people I would love to just walk up to and say, " You know what, I don't like you." And there are many times that I feel the need to open up and tell someone how I feel, and in turn aask them how they feel. And guys, here's a hint: If a girl asks you if you like her, "Sure?" is not ever an appropriate answer. Like, PLEASE!! It's not like I'm asking if you LOVE me or not!! It would just be nice to figure out if you are actually interested in me, or if you're only there cuz it's convieniant for you.

And on that matter: After 8 months of playing around, why can't I ask that? I deserve a little respect for still hanging around even when you act like an ass. And I do deserve the right to know whether you are even worth spending my time with. When asked if I have a boyfriend I would like to be able to at least answer, "No, I don't have a boyfriend, but I am seeing someone." It's not like you're the only one I have to choosse from ya know...

Um... update

2008-10-21T01:40:00.004-07:00

I've been told by a friend that I must post a new blog, and looking at the date from my last one, I'd say it has been awhile.

So, I'm back in the 'loops. And much happier for it. I've got what already seems like a great job, but I've only been there a month so we'll see ;)

Turns out my cat got flees, probably in Van. I was devistated to hear that. I didn't even know!! How bad do you think I feel?!?!

I'm living at James' with his mom, which is OK except it's a tiny trailer and she's quite the talker and sometimes you just want to be alone, or actually hear the show you are watching...

Um.... ya.... It's late and I don't know what else to say right now except: I hate how conservative my town is...

Don't Forget To Say You're Sorry

2008-08-12T00:10:00.003-07:00

Don't forget to say you're sorry
You know how easily you make the girls cry
With your sarcastic laced words
And your devil may care smile

Don't forget to say you're sorry
When you snarl a rough reply
You may mean it at the time
But the girls not the reason why

Don't forget to say you're sorry
If they catch you in a lie
They're hooked on all your sweetness
And there are better ways to say goodbye

Sugar High

2008-08-04T18:27:00.003-07:00

I lost the war
Your sugar proved too sweet for me
And now I've got a cavity

I've got such a sweet tooth
I'm so easily hooked on boys like you
And my heart gets broken everytime

But the sugar high melts away all the pain
And makes me feel so good
I can't resist another taste

Good Advice

2008-07-25T21:49:00.004-07:00

With so many people out there ready and willing to give you their two-cents on anything and everything, how do you know what advice is good advice?

I've recently had a few friends who have told me a few snippets of wisdom, that aren't purely advice, but more questions you must ask yourself in order to come to your conclusion. One such snippet was "Do what makes you happy." It sounds simple enough, but how many of us put the happiness of others before our own only to end up miserable ourselves. I'm not saying disregard everybody Else's feelings to gratify your own, but every now and then you've got to step back and go "I am I doing this to please someone else, or because I want to do it?" or even "Am I NOT doing this just to please someone else, when I'd really like to?" This sentiment goes hand in hand with something another friend has said "Who are you trying to please? Your friends? Your family? It doesn't matter what other people think as long as you know you are doing something that is right for you."

And these things have been said to me time and time again, but now that I've distanced myself from the protective bubble of friends and family and have looked back on just how much my actions are geared around trying to make other people like me, or just to fit in with something, I've come to realize that all it's been doing is making me stand out even more. Because I'm not doing what I want to do, or saying what I want to say, I'm letting my parent's shoot down every idea that I've ever had about what I want to do with my life. I've let my friends decide which bar to go to even thought I never like the one that they pick out.

I got upset when my father told me that moving back home is a stupid idea and that there is nothing for me there. And I'm sure his intentions were meant to signify that he thinks I should give Vancouver another shot and that maybe i just met more people and made some more friends the things would be better. The thing is, Vancouver is not my final destination. This move out here was to get away and clear my head, and really to prove that I could make it on my own. I've been trapped in my protective bubble for so long, that I'd become scared about the notion of living alone. But, it is time to officially fly the coop. And so what that I've decided to venture out on my own back in the same old city I just moved from.

I've learned on many occasions that my heart lies in the desert valley where two rivers, their names both Thompson, meet.

I'm a Dreamer, Not a Goal Setter

2008-07-17T22:34:00.003-07:00

You ever feel sometimes like you missed a step in life? Like there was this important class that taught you everything you needed to know about how to get on in life, and for some reason, whether you got the date wrong, or you blew it off thinking that you didn't need some stupid class to tell you how to live, you totally missed it?

I mean, there are plenty of people out there that have their shit together. Tonnes of people that know what they want out of life and how to get it. Of course, I don't know any of them personally... but, the point is there MUST be some out there. Right?

My problem is I'm not quite sure what I want out of life. Or more precisely, which thing I want at what moment in time. I have too many hopes and dreams and am too ready to alter them to fit my current whim. I quite seriously want to be the Math Scholar, The Rock star, The Stay-at-Home Mom, The Wild Child, The Put-Together-Sexy-Secretary, The Career Student, The Life-of-the-Party, The Wallflower. It's all me, all different sides of me.

And I've always hated making decisions. I'm a firm believer that picking just one is unfair to all the rest. I don't have just one favorite band, I have two and a whole lot more that come in at a close second. I don't have just one favorite color, movie, kind of pop or flavor of ice cream. I was given a very cute and cuddly bunny one year for my birthday and I slept with it neatly tucked under my arm, just like kids do in the movies, but after a few days, I realized that it was unfair to all my other stuffed animals, and if I wasn't going to sleep with all of them on my bed, then I couldn't have any. I should probably not mention that I was well over the age of ten at this time, in fact I was over 18.

Who was it anyways that said that we could only be one thing in our lives? And why does the world make it so hard to try and be all the things you want to be? Sure there are somethings that are all perfectly planned out. If you want to be a doctor you go to Medical School; a lawyer, Law School. But where do you go that teaches you how to be a Rock star? How to be the free spirited Wild Child that flutters from job to job happy as a blue jay? Or how to find a a guy that actually likes being around you even when your at worst?

How Depression Helps You Stay on a Budget

2008-07-16T21:58:00.002-07:00

1. You use less energy by not turning on lights because all you do is sleep.
2. You don't want to go out so you don't spend money at resteraunts or the movies, and the gas or transit to get you there.
3. You save on groceries because you lose your appitite, or are too lethargic to make anything.
4. You don't care about your hygine, so you save on hot water.
5. If your a girl, you use less make-up because you don't care how bad the bags under your eyes look.
6. It curbs your shopping habits, especially if your depressed about not having money because spending it would just mean that you have less of it and therefore have more to be depressed about.
7. If you're cold you just pile some more blankets on the bed and save on heating.
8. You use you phone less as you become more withdrawn and distant from your friends.
9. You also save on energy bills by unplugging anything that makes noises or has lights to make it more silent and dark to sleep better.

It's so sad, but so true...

Lisa!! Drop The Scissors!!

2008-06-22T20:58:00.002-07:00

So, I chopped at my hair again. It's shorter, but I'm not finding it totally cool yet. But then again I haven't really played with it much yet...

We'll see. I need to get it colored again too, but I'm too lazy and broke to drive back to Kamloops to get it done right now.

Friend or Foe?

2008-06-22T20:32:00.002-07:00

Lately, I've been learning new sides to my friends, and some of them aren't too pretty. Like the responses to my Prince Charming post from my friends that were SO off base it's like they weren't even listening to me. They just heard the same old "Oh, poor little old me doesn't have a boyfriend" whine, and responded in turn with comments like "You don't need anyone, you have your self!" or "We love you and will always be there for you!" And while such comments are appreciated, they were not helpful in the least.

That post was not about wanting someone to come and sweep me off my feet. It was about not needing that, but at the same time needing someone to point me in the right direction and giving me some hope because right now I'm a little lost and am on the brink of giving up (sometimes, not all the time). And telling someone who is depressed and has very little love for themselves to look inside for the love and support they need is naive, to say the least.

Or the friend who kindly asked if my "hitting the bottle a lot lately" was wise considering my medication. To which my immediate response was "What!?!?" I have no idea where she got the notion that I've been drinking my face off, but there are definitely far better ways to ask that question. In fact, I'm still so mad at her for that, that I've kind of been avoiding her lately, just because I know I will respond with something that is going to make her mad, and then there will be a big fight, and it will get very messy... So I'm trying to calm down about it and think of a reasonable response, but I just can't right now.

It's strange that in trying to find yourself you find out things about your friends that make you re-evaluate how much they influence the decisions you make. How much influence do your friends have on you?

Stud or no Stud?

2008-06-15T10:18:00.003-07:00

So, I was chompin down some crackers the other day, and I swallowed one of the balls from my tongue stud. Normally, I would just throw on one of my spares and not think about it until it happened again. But, all my spares are back in Kamloops, and I'm not quite sure where I can get a new one fast down here.

As I was going through the options in my head, the thought came up that I could just take it out and be done with it. It's kind of nice being able to feel my whole tongue.

So the question remains, is it time I retire the tongue stud?

Why I Think I would Make a Perfect Girlfriend

2008-06-13T11:07:00.003-07:00

I'm cool
I'm funny
I'm smart
I'm pretty
I don't mind if you go hang out with your guys
I like to spoil those I love
I don't need flowers everyday to know you care
I don't care about how much money you make, as long as you enjoy your job
I love sex
I don't eat like a bird
I like Action movies
I'm the perfect girl to bring home to mom and dad

Oh, and I don't cheat. That's a major one, and I totally forgot it. Jeez!!