The Scary Parent

My Supernatural Playlist

2009-12-04T17:03:00.001-08:00

I did it for Death Troopers. I did it for No Doors, No Windows. And now, here it is for my forthcoming Supernatural novel, The Unholy Cause -- the playlist I created while writing and editing the manuscript, due out in April.

To clarify: I'm posting this list simply as a curiosity, because it was something fun that I did while working on the book. That's it. I don't have any sort of arrangement with the artists or songwriters, and none of it has been endorsed by DC Comics, Titan Books, the CW, Warner Brothers, or anybody else. Cool?

1) "Civil War" - Guns N' Roses
2) "Flirtin' with Disaster" - Molly Hatchet
3) "Sweet Home Alabama" - Lynyrd Skynyrd
4) "Bad Company" - Bad Company
5) "Black Betty" - Spiderbait
6) "Me and the Devil Blues" - Robert Johnson
7) "Stack Shot Billy" - The Black Keys
8) "Don't Go into that Barn"- Tom Waits
9) "Can't You See" - Marshall Tucker Band
10) "Midnight Rider" - The Allman Brothers
11) "Wild Eyed Southern Boys" - .38 Special
12) "Swamp Witch" - Jim Stafford
13) "I Put a Spell on You" - Marilyn Manson
14) "No Expectations" - Soulsavers

In a perfect world, the book would come with a CD, or at least a little flash drive you could drop in your laptop and listen to these tunes while you read the book. As it is, you'll have to do a little snooping for yourself.

Sam and Dean would probably approve.

If you really loved me...

2009-11-30T17:11:00.000-08:00

...you'd buy me Cormac McCarthy's typewriter.

It's up for auction at Christie's, estimated to go for $15,000-$20,000. And although on first glance this might seem like more than you're comfortable spending on me for Christmas, consider that, in accompanying letter of authentication, McCarthy states that he: "typed on this typewriter every book I have written including three not yet published. Including all drafts and correspondence I would put this at about five million words over a period of fifty years..."

So, that's pretty good. If you pull the ribbon out you could probably get a look at some of that unpublished stuff, and that would be pretty cool. Not to mention that, as one of our finest living writers, McCarthy is probably a decent investment. Say you need a half-million for retirement or some quick cash to escape to a non-extradition country in a hurry, no questions asked. There's got to be a library or university somewhere that would be happy to take it off your hands.

Meanwhile, I wouldn't mind sitting down in front of it, rolling in a fresh sheet of paper and seeing what came out. After all, any typewriter that generated Blood Meridian has to have some serious freakin' mojo going on.

When the Going Gets Weird...

2009-11-26T20:15:00.000-08:00

Simon Thalmann's interview with me in the Kalamazoo Gazette runs in its extended form in the current issue of Weird Tales. I haven't actually seen a copy of the magazine yet, but I'm very excited to check it out.

Meanwhile, I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving.

New Podcast Up!

2009-11-20T21:36:00.000-08:00

Over at Ideology of Madness, I've got a cool podcast available for your listening pleasure. Aron and Paulie did a great job getting the sick inside info out of me on a whole bunch of stuff, and I can't completely blame the Knob Creek and road exhaustion from the Michigan trip that I'd just returned from. They're just that good at it, friends.

Thanks, Aron and Paulie, for the great questions!

My Supernatural Book

2009-11-19T22:40:00.000-08:00

Now has a synopsis online at Amazon.

A Supernatural novel that reveals a previously unseen adventure for the Winchester brothers, from the hit CW series!

Way back in April 1862, Confederate Captain Jubal Beauchamp leads a charge across a Georgia battleground… Fast forward to 2009 and a Civil War re-enactment becomes all too real. When Sam and Dean head down south to investigate they find that history has got somewhat out of hand…

So now you know. My working title for the book was I Don't Need Your Civil War. I got to go to Gettysburg to research this. Stay tuned for pictures...

Twenty-Eight Days Vader...

2009-11-19T00:02:00.001-08:00

Princess of Tulsa (and others)

2009-11-18T09:49:00.001-08:00

Had a great time in Tulsa over the weekend. I know, it's Wednesday, but I'm just now getting a chance to catch up. Monday was my daughter's birthday, and yesterday we had painters and cable/TV/internet install people in the house all day long. Not to mention that I finally got my revisions done on Supernatural: The Unholy Cause, due out in a scant five months.

Anyway, back to Oklahoma -- major thanks to the Travis and the rest of the Tulsa Ink Slingers for bringing me out, putting me up, taking me out for Mexican and giving me a chance to talk about writing, Star Wars and whatever else came tumbling out of my tequila-soaked consciousness. Also big kudos to the Rebel Alliance of Tulsa, and Joan at Barnes & Noble for putting together a great event.

Tulsa was almost -- but not quite -- the last signing I've got planned for now. I'll be doing one more just before Christmas around town. Meanwhile I've got more Star Wars editing to do, and work on an original novel that I can't wait to get back to.

More later...

Camp Hill book signing

2009-11-08T16:35:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's book signing at Borders Express at the Capital City Mall in Camp Hill was a special one for a number of reasons. Partly because it's my first "hometown" signing -- I've been all over the country, up and down that long lonely road of faith with Death Troopers and No Doors, No Windows, but this is the first time I've done one in my own backyard. Rob Thomas (not of Matchbox 20, but the trooper known as TK-1495) turned up along with the rest of the Garrison Carita of the 501st. The moment was extra-good because they managed to pull it all together almost literally at the eleventh hour, via a desperate email that I sent out on Friday afternoon. As always, the 501st were great with the crowd and had people freaking out, taking pictures and having fun. All the photos that I've posted here are courtesy of them, specifically Lisa -- what's your last name, Lisa?

On a friend/professional level, I got to hang out with the man behind the phenomena of Hint Fiction and his lovely wife (he also brought a publishing contract and a check, but that's another story).

My brother Dan and his wife Terri and their kids also turned up, and the 501st gave a chance to play Boondock Saints with their blasters.

Other celebrities in attendance included legendary singer/songwriter John Austin and his wife Erin Echo. Also putting in appearance were Chuck Saltern, former bassist for the punk-pop band Weston and his wife Becky and their beautiful little girl Georgia, and Lisa Zimmerman Vonhauser, one of the original architects of Round House -- arguably the scariest piece of architecture in New Hampshire.

Journalist and photographer Karen Reichley and her husband, Guitar Hero overlord Mark "Asplosions" Reichley came out to say hi and brought their son Nate -- in full Darth Vader gear.
As you can see, we were able to keep the 501st occupied for a while with copies of the book.
But eventually the unthinkable happened -- we actually sold out of Death Troopers! This was the first time on the tour that anything like that has ever happened. The store manager, Jim Munchel, and his loyal aide de camp Chris Carlin ran out to not one but two other nearby bookstores to buy up their inventory. But it was too late...the troopers got impatient and took me down.
Like I said, a lot of fun all the way around...but a bittersweet moment as well, since just last week it was announced that Jim's store is going to be closing after Christmas, along with about 200 other Borders Express and Waldenbooks stores. This store in particular has been very, very good to me over the past few years, and the fact that it's going away is a tough reminder of how tight things are, especially in publishing.

But -- the good new is that people like these guys keep turning out for events like they did yesterday. And that's not just a good thing...that's the best.

Thanks, guys.

Truly.

When Do I Need an Agent?

2009-11-05T22:15:00.001-08:00

Note: This is a re-posting of an entry from a couple years ago. People have asked me about this again, so I'm putting it here again.

Recently I got a question that I've heard before, which is, when is it time to find an agent?

There's plenty of information about this online already. There are whole blogs by agents where they answer exactly this kind of question. My reply, based solely on my experience and writers I've talked to, is that you need an agent when you start writing the type of thing that requires an agent to sell. That ought to be a no-brainer -- it's not. George V. Higgins once said that there is no substitute for knowing what you're doing. As usual, he's right.

If you're writing short stories or poetry and submitting them to magazines, you probably don't need an agent, certainly not to begin with and maybe not for a long time. I have an agent, and I still don't use her for magazine submissions. It's an unnecessary step, unless the periodical in question requires an agent as a go-between, and most of them (everything from Ellery Queen's Mystery Magazine to Prairie Schooner to The New Yorker) do not. There's a slush pile and a spot waiting for you there. Your job is to find your way to the top, and you're probably going to be doing that all on your own.

One of my favorite writers, the wonderful Tom Drury, told me that he sold several stories to The New Yorker and afterwards he had agents approaching him. Not coincidentally, this happened right around the time he needed an agent for his first book, The End of Vandalism. If you unfold this happy anecdote, it becomes an excellent illustration of how the process works, or ought to. First, Drury's top priority was obviously the quality of his writing -- he was repeatedly producing good stories. Second, he was selling them to The New Yorker, so he obviously knew his market. The last part of the puzzle, the agent, fell into place almost on its own. His toughest decision was which one he would choose.

If you're a writer than you need to concentrate first and foremost on your writing, a point emphasized by bestselling mystery writer Janet Evanovich in her peppy and readable How I Write. In other words make it as good as it can be. Make sure everything is spelled correctly (this may seem like a no-brainer -- it's not). Edit and polish, hone and hew, put it aside and look at it again in six weeks or six months with fresh eyes. Find a writers' group or a reader whose opinion you can trust. Take their criticism as objectively as possible. When you think you're ready...

Send it out? No. Find an agent? No.

Study your market. If you're going to submit a story to a magazine, read the magazine first (this may seem like a no-brainer-- it's not). Read several issues. Check out the Literary Marketplace. Go online to the magazine's website and read the writers' guidelines for submission.

Then, send it out. Get rejected. Try again. Get rejected. Try again. Get a personal note back from one of the readers. Keep reading. Keep writing. Keep revising. I once covered my entire dorm room door in college with rejection letters. Took me about a semester.

So, have we all got the drill? Write, get knocked on your butt, get back up again. And repeat.

I've heard more than one would-be writer express genuine concern that they might run afoul of some less-than-honest agent that might steal their work, their money or both. My response, and I don't mean to sound harsh, is: "What makes you so sure you've got something worth stealing?" When you're starting out, getting ripped off should not even be on your mind. First, be good enough to worry about getting ripped off.

Once you find your way onto that playing field, you still shouldn't lose much sleep over it. I'm not saying there aren't untrustworthy agents out there -- there's plenty of scam artists working every occupation on the planet -- but if you do your research online or in the LMP, you won't have to worry about it. Most agents work on commission. If you don't get paid, they don't get paid. Be wary of an agency or management service that asks for money upfront. Find out who their other clients are. Don't be afraid to ask questions about what your money is supposed to get you.

Choosing an agent is an important part of the process but it's equally important to know when you have to make that choice. We all have a finite amount of energy every day to accomplish what needs to be done. Don't waste time and energy worrying about an agent when you're in the part of your life and career where every ounce of attention must be paid to maximizing your potential.

You probably will need an agent if you're trying to get a book published. Most publishers won't read work that isn't submitted through an agenty. The LMP will steer you toward the agency that represents the type of work you're writing. Many of these agents will read a synopsis with sample pages and ask for more if they're interested. My personal experience is that the more of the finished product you have in hand while querying agents, the better off you are.

Take a page from Tom Drury's book. Be the best writer you can be. When it's finally time, you'll have your pick of agents.

Unshelved

2009-11-02T12:31:00.000-08:00

Heard of the online comic strip Unshelved? Librarian and all around awesome guy Gregory Fisher clued me in on it. (Click on the above image for a better view.)

Per Greg:

"It's all about the misadventures of the librarians at a small library in Mallsville. One feature they do every Sunday is the booktalk. Its a full color panel sometimes done by the Unshelved team and sometimes done by guest cartoonists. Last Sunday, the teen librarian (and Unshelved anti-hero) Dewey book talked Death Troopers to a pair of young adults."

Rock on! I freakin' love this. Thanks, Greg, bringing this to my attention!

Death Troopers on MTV!

2009-10-31T06:00:00.001-07:00

Well, sort of.

As a Halloween treat, MTV.com ran a free chapter of Death Troopers here. It's one of my favorites: "Lung Windows."

Headed to Michigan

2009-10-30T00:07:00.000-07:00

I'm working the midnight shift tonight and when I get home I'm climbing in the back of the big blue van and heading to Michigan for a couple of book signings over the long weekend. I'm particularly excited to get back there because my mom still lives there and I'll have a chance to say hi to some old friends. On Sunday I'm driving north to Petoskey to do an event at Horizon Books. Northern Michigan is particularly awesome this time of year. If you've never driven north in fall, all I can say is there's something instinctively gratifying about defying the natural, southern-fleeing order of things.

Also, I'm bringing my comic collection back to Pennsylvania -- two big oblong acid-free boxes of bagged comics that have lived at my mom's house for the past twenty-five years. Being forty years old and a homeowner, I've finally decided to move them out. Maybe I'll even complete my run of John Byrne X-Men by re-acquiring up issues 121-122.

I actually owned both of these once before (I even had Terry Austin autograph them for me at a Detroit convention) but sold them to buy Christmas presents back in 1986. Sigh.

Anyhow, on Monday, I'm doing an event at the Portage District Library, where, after my freshman year of college, I once pretended to shelve books while actually hiding the back and reading everything I could get my hands on. I had a big crush on another girl who worked there and spent the summer writing unfathomably wretched prose.

Has my writing gotten any better since then? Drop by one of these events and judge for yourself. I'll be the one staggering around in a cloud of delirious nostalgia.

Your Halloween Treat

2009-10-29T02:21:00.000-07:00

If you haven't already done so, you absolutely must read Norman Partridge's masterful Dark Harvest for Halloween. Don't think about it, don't wonder why, just click the dang link and hook yourself up with a copy. Trust me.

Why? Because it's what you want. People ask me how you write horror: this is the Strunk and White of how it's done -- fast, compulsive, scary and utterly brilliant storytelling, just in time for the season. Ostensibly the tale of a 1963 town whose young male citizens go gunning after a mythic figure called the October Boy -- aka Sawtooth Jack -- Dark Harvest is nothing less than a balls-out high-octane reinvention of the American horror novel on a candy-corn methamphetamine cocktail of pure narrative genius.

Call it Ray Bradbury on steroids, call it Big Daddy Roth-style hot rod Halloween horror...your tongue will go numb searching for comparisons, 'cuz, friends -- there ain't any for what Partridge does in this fast pumpkin-carving switchblade of a book. I gave my last copy away to a friend out in LA, and a week later, he was trying to explain how much he liked it. I just smiled, because I know how it is. You reach a point in life where you think you've seen it all, where that initial childlike top-of-the-rollercoaster feeling of awe and amazement doesn't work anymore. Except here it does. Because here, along with everything else, Partridge does the incredible, anticipating reader expectation and managing to beat you to the punch every step of the way.

As a writer, I wish I had just an ounce or two of whatever Norm was putting in his coffee when he wrote Dark Harvest. As a reader, I'm just damn glad he did.

Trooper Trailer Winner!

2009-10-27T06:47:00.000-07:00

I loved this contest.

When Erich at Del Rey first told me they were going to have a contest for people to create their own Death Trooper trailers, my initial fear was that nobody would do it.

I shouldn't have worried.

The results were all over the map. Some were scary. Some were funny. Some were flat-out amazing. The only thing they had in common was that they were all ridiculously entertaining. Throughout the book tour, people were always asking about the trailers and telling me how much they enjoyed them.

And now we have a winner.

Congratulations to all who entered -- I'd love to give all of you a full film crew and an unlimited budget to make all your Death Troopers into full fledged feature films.

And if you haven't checked out the trailers themselves, what are you waitin' for?

Pumpkin Troopers!

2009-10-26T14:31:00.000-07:00

October is my favorite month -- that's kind of a given, if you're a horror writer. But this October has been particularly fun. Exhibit A is this unspeakably awesome Death Trooper pumpkin here -- thanks to GameCouch!

Meanwhile Death Troopers got a nice shout-out in the LA Times over the weekend. You can check it out here!

On that same topic, if you or anybody you know is planning on dressing up as a Death Trooper this Halloween, send me pictures and I'll be sure and post them here. Heck, we might even have ourselves a little old unauthorized contest...

Unholy, huh?

2009-10-24T00:10:00.001-07:00

According to Amazon, my Supernatural novel, The Unholy Cause, is coming out in April. I had no idea. But, there you go...

Lucky 13

2009-10-23T22:52:00.000-07:00

I just found out that Death Troopers is #13 on the New York Times Bestseller List.

This makes me very happy.

Things to Do in Hershey When You're Home

2009-10-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

I got back home last night. The tour was amazing, but I'm glad to be back. Eleven days is a long time to be away from the family. So what do you do when you get back from a week and a half on the road?

Carve pumpkins with the kids. Do waterballoons. Wrestle. Go out for sushi and pizza. Hug a lot. Do a lot of laundry.

I hope you enjoyed the pictures I put up along the way. I did a lot of interviews, too, including this one in Chicago with Jimmy Mac and Jay Shepard at the Forcecast. Jimmy did a great job putting me at ease and asking questions, and I tried to answer them the best I could...although I think I sound a little frazzled.

There are a lot of others, and they were all great. I'm thankful for every opportunity I got to chat, and to every single person who drove out and bought the book, or came out to talk to me about Star Wars and writing..."thank you" doesn't quite cut it, but it will have to do.

Meanwhile, I hope you'll join me in Bryn Mawr, PA, on Saturday for the next signing. You'll find the details to the right.

Super Amazing Carmel, IN, B&N event

2009-10-20T22:27:00.000-07:00

And it was. No exaggeration, folks. I told you that you had to be there to check it out. These guys know how to throw a Star Wars party -- per the Bloodfin Garrison's "untouchable by death" Anthony Lillig, maestro of ceremonies, they seem to have invented the way it should be done. Witness, in no particular order, the following excellent photos, all snapped by Jay "WhoJedi" Newnum.

Tomorrow morning, I'm flying home. I couldn't ask for a better send-off event. Thank you, one and all.

Gunned Down at Powell's!

2009-10-20T11:02:00.000-07:00

The good folks over at the Cloud City Garrison of the 501st posted a truly amazing array of photos from Saturday's reading at the Powell's in Portland.

Oh yeah, I wasn't having any fun at all.

In Chicago, Bringing a Blaster to a Book Signing

2009-10-19T20:05:00.001-07:00

Tonight's book signing at Borders in Chicago/Oak Brook went great. I had podcast interviews before and after with Star Wars Action News and TheForce.net Forcecast. The 501st was there and had no compunction about loaning me a blaster. I got some of the best questions ever, both from the crowd and from my interviewers, Arnie Carvahlo and Jim McInerney respectively.

I'm supposed to fly out of Chicago tomorrow morning but now it looks like I'll be Mancow in the morning and might have to leave a bit later. I'll be sure to relate the entire experience here once it all goes down.

Folsom Prison Barge Blues

2009-10-16T17:06:00.001-07:00

Last night's Borders signing in Folsom was great. At first when I walked through the door I didn't see anyone at the table, and no stormtroopers, so I thought maybe the 501st couldn't make it. I found Marc, the community relations organizer, and told him that I was here for the signing. He said, "There's a lot of people here for the signing. Mr. Schreiber should be here anytime." I told him that I was Mr. Schreiber, and he whisked me back to the back room where Darth Vader was waiting along with half a dozen stormtroopers. When they escorted me back to the table, it was suddenly packed with people waiting to get books and posters signed.

Another great turnout; another great event. I'm currently ensconced in the high roller's suite of the Alexis Hotel in Seattle, getting ready to head out tonight's reading at University Books. If you're in the area, I hope to see you there!

Special thanks to Alex Telander, who took this picture. Thanks, Alex!

Huntington Beach zombies!

2009-10-14T08:46:00.000-07:00

Last night's signing at Huntington Beach, CA, went great. The 501st was there and things went spectacularly. At the beginning I was presented with a plaque making me an honorary member of the 501st.

Onward to Sacramento...

Troopers and Windows and Zombies, oh no...

2009-10-13T06:34:00.000-07:00

Today Death Troopers and No Doors, No Windows are available at bookstores and online. In honor of this, StarWars.com is having Zombie week -- and they're putting up some great new scary Star Wars art like the above piece by Katie Cook. Check it out, if you dare.

Of course for the full multi-sensory experience you should come visit me on tour these next couple weeks. Check out the schedule on the right and let me frighten you in person.

Gotta read Serena

2009-10-10T18:06:00.001-07:00

A friend of mine who reads a lot recommended Ron Rash's Serena. If the novel is one-tenth as good as its first paragraph, I'm sold.

When Pemberton returned to the North Carolina mountains after three months in Boston settling his father’s estate, among those waiting on the train platform was a young woman pregnant with Pemberton’s child. She was accompanied by her father, who carried beneath his shabby frock a bowie knife sharpened with great attentiveness earlier that morning so that it would plunge as deep as possible into Pemberton’s heart.