Blanca DeBree Has Moved

It's Time

2009-07-24T05:26:00.001-07:00

Announcing the launch of the new BlancaDebree.com. We call it Blanca 3.0. We are retiring the old blogspot, and opening up at the new site. Go over and check it out.

Launching Soon

2009-07-21T04:38:00.000-07:00

The new blog is almost complete. In a few days, it will launch, and I hope you will join Blanca at her new digs.

Pick Your Favorite Posts

2009-07-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

I would like to ask all my readers out there to pick their favorite posts from the past 3 years.

Moving to a new blog is a lot like moving out of an apartment--that is I think is it like moving out of an apartment. Being an über-rich Republican, I have no idea what an apartment is. I have never lived in anything smaller than a McMansion. In fact, my toilet is bigger than most studios in New York City--my actually toilet, not the room. The room is the size of a Baskin Robbins. And not those little ones from the mall. I'm talking the real stores, with freezers, tables, and toilets.

So I am deciding what to pack and what to leave behind. And I need you, my readers to let me know what are keepers and what are stinkers. It is kind of like the last few days of the Bush White House. There was Dana Perino, trying to figure out what to shred and what to put into the "for future blackmail" pile. Fun times. I miss W.

After meeting with my staff this afternoon at a local Chinese joint (there was no food, it was like a Chinese massage parlor, but without the massage), we have decided on a layout for the blog. It's fun, it's political, and it's so patriotic, it makes Fox News look like a bunch of Commies. Well, after what Brian Kilmeade said on Fox and Friends, that might be an improvement.

So help me pack as I clean out my proverbial attic and get ready for the big day.

Robert McNamara Dead

2009-07-06T06:37:00.000-07:00

Robert McNamara, the man who almost single-handedly created the Vietnam War, has died at age 93.

McNamara was the subject of the 2003 documentary The Fog of War, which not only chronicled the Vietnam War, but also held up a mirror to the Iraq War.

Under his tenure as Secretary of Defense, more than 100,000 Americans and countless millions of Vietnamese causalities were fallen in the rice patties of Southeast Asia. In his later years, his atonement for his involvement in the War took the form of aid for the world's poorest nations.

Although in his later years he sounded the warning against the Iraq War, he will be forever remembered for what many called war crimes in Vietnam.

To quote the immortal Bard, from Julius Caesar, Act 3 Scene 2:

Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
I come to bury Caesar, not to praise him;
The evil that men do lives after them,
The good is oft interred with their bones,

Robert Strange McNamara, dead at age 93.

Sarah Palin Resigns

2009-07-03T14:06:00.000-07:00

Sarah Palin, the one-time Vice Presidential candidate on the bottom of the ticket, literally underneath John McCain, has announced today she will resign. Lt. Governor Sean Parnelli will assume control of the largest state in the union (by size) and the 47th largest state (by population).

Palin did not give a reason for her resignation, although Fox News reported it would permit her to be able to run for President three years from now, without having the burden of being both governor and candidate.

Fox News may have a point. After all, I can't think of a single Governor who ran for President while still in office. Can't think of a single one. Unless you consider Romney, Huckabee, Bush, Clinton, Carter, and Richardson. But then again, only three of those won.

And they were governors of real states, not ice-filled miniature planet Hoths.

Time will tell if Palin uses the old excuse of wanting to spend more time with her family, possibly to prevent Willow from getting knocked up by age 17.

Palin is now the third Repbulican governor to be rocked by scandal in as many weeks.

Republican governors are being more endangered than wolves in Alaska during a Palin hunting flyover.

Karl Malden Leaves Home without It

2009-07-01T16:02:00.000-07:00

Karl Malden, the Academy Award-winning actor from A Streetcar Named Desire, has died at age 97.

Malden was best known for his role in the 1970's drama The Streets of San Francisco, where he played a saged dective to a then-young Michael Douglas.

But most will remember him for the series of commercials he did for American Express, where he warned travelers "Don't leave home without it."

His other roles included a portrayal of General Omar Bradley in Patton, as well as the love interest of Mama Rose from the original film adaptation of Gypsy.

Karl Malden, 1912-2009.

Time to Reboot

2009-06-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

Like millions of you, I will never forget where I was when I heard the tragic news. I sank to the floor and cried. An adult isn't supposed to cry over people she's never met, but when such a singular loss hits the nation, you mourn as if it were kith and kin. I felt perhaps like Don McLean did when he penned American Pie. Indeed, it was the day the music died.

And so this fateful day in June will dampen forever all future weddings and will add a tinge of regret to any sunny day from now on. Children's laughter will ring somewhat hollow, and the clouds will appear darker when they bedeck the sky. At night the stars will seem to dim, even though we know among them he will dance.

And so it was today that Blanca's heart sank a little lower when the Minnesota Supreme Court announced in a unanimous decision that Al Franken had indeed won the 2008 senatorial election and that he would be taking his place in the Senate chamber next week as Senator Franken, MN-D.

Oh the humanity.

So Blanca has decided that this may be a good time for a little reset, a three finger salute, if you will. July marks the third anniversary of the Blanca DeBree Blog, and it seems like a fitting time to retool. Big changes are coming as part of Blanca 3.0. There will be new content, some of it racy.

Taking a hint from my good pal Bill O'Reilly, I've decided to add some regular features to my blog, because, as Fox News and perverts know, sex sells. And as long as you deride it as evil, it is ok to show it. Over and over again.

So as part of this retooling, the Blanca DeBree blog will be moving. To prepare youself, you should get used to using the new address: BlancaDeBree.com.

So for the next couple of weeks the updates will be less regular than normal, as I work with my staff--actually it's Glenn Beck's staff--to make the new Blanca 3.0 even more exciting. I know you will like it, because whenever I play with Glenn Beck's staff, he leaves a happy man. Of course I have to dress like a boy scout and say things like "are you sure this is the way to earn my merit badge, Scout Master?"

Please keep coming back, and if you have any ideas for the new blog, please leave them here. Think of this as one of those Fox News segments, You Decide. And just like on FoxNation.com, if I don't like any of the crap you suggest, I'll just delete it. That's democracy in action!

Speaking Ill of the Dead

2009-06-28T16:52:00.000-07:00

Michael Jackson has been eulogized by every television outlet for the past three days. Every minute of footage of the King of Pop has been witnessed, and his albums are flying off the shelves once again. In short, Michael Jackson has accomplished what Elvis Presley did when he died: a final comeback.

Some have said there is no such thing as a second act in American fame. But occasionally, a fading star is given new life, if only in the afterlife.

Many forget that when Elvis died in 1977, he was just a caricature of his former self, the sex symbol of the 1950's and '60's. His concerts were becoming more haphazard, and his appearance became almost grotesque. Had he not died that summer, it is easy to imagine that he would have become a faded lounge singer greatly in debt and living as a recluse.

Ironically, all of Michael Jackson's financial problems will be solved by his death. His estate will grow in value, just as Presley's has. His living relatives will live off the residuals for decades to come, and his children will be very rich.

But perhaps the greatest benefit to Jackson's death is the absolution both fans and the press have granted the singer. In death, all sins seem forgiven, and allegations of child molestation are glossed over in biographies on television and in the hearts and minds of millions on the street.

Indeed, one man interviewed on CNN said Jackson "had his problems, but..." Fourteen lawsuits and two criminal cases for child molestation have been reduced to "problems" in the eyes of the public. In time, his alleged abuse of children will be abridged to a footnote nestled in between his "Bad" and "Invincible" years.

In death, Michael has finally succeeded where 750 million records worldwide failed: vindication for his sins and eternal fame as a music legend and not a damaged life.

Offer Expired

2009-06-28T16:42:00.001-07:00

Billy Mays, that pitchman who brought us Oxi Clean and who paved the way for Vince "Shamwow" Shlomi, has died at age 50, just one day shy of his 51st birthday.

His wife found him unresponsive in their Tampa, Florida home on Sunday morning. He pronounced dead shortly before 8 AM.

Police do not suspect foul play, but an autopsy will be performed and results will be released Monday.

Billy Mays shot to informercial fame hocking everything from cleaners to paint brushes and recently starred in a new reality show called "Pitchmen" on the Discovery Channel. Billy's final taped episode is scheduled to air on Wednesday at 10:00 PM.

His life took him from the boardwalk of Atlantic City to carnivals and fairs across the country before he was discovered in Pittsburgh, and his career took off. He went from selling junk to having a personal stake in the companies he shilled for.

In the end, even though Billy Mays cleaned up, his offer expired, and operators are no longer standing by. Billy Mays, 1958-2009.

Michael Jackson Dead

2009-06-25T18:32:00.000-07:00

This is breaking news, so I am going to lift from the Huffington Post.

LOS ANGELES — Michael Jackson, the sensationally gifted child star who rose to become the "King of Pop" and the biggest celebrity in the world only to fall from his throne in a freakish series of scandals, died Thursday. He was 50. Jackson died at UCLA Medical Center in Los Angeles. Ed Winter, the assistant chief coroner for Los Angeles County, confirmed his office had been notified of the death and would handle the investigation.

The circumstances of Jackson's death were not immediately clear. Jackson was not breathing when Los Angeles Fire Department paramedics responded to a call at his Los Angeles home about 12:30 p.m., Capt. Steve Ruda told the Los Angeles Times. The paramedics performed CPR and took him to the hospital, Ruda told the newspaper.

Jackson's death brought a tragic end to a long, bizarre, sometimes farcical decline from his peak in the 1980s, when he was popular music's premier all-around performer, a uniter of black and white music who shattered the race barrier on MTV, dominated the charts and dazzled even more on stage.

His 1982 album "Thriller" _ which included the blockbuster hits "Beat It," "Billie Jean" and "Thriller" _ is the best-selling album of all time, with an estimated 50 million copies sold worldwide.

The public first knew him in the late 1960s, when as a boy he was the precocious, spinning lead singer of the Jackson 5, the music group he formed with his four older brothers. Among their No. 1 hits were "I Want You Back," "ABC," and "I'll Be There."

He was perhaps the most exciting performer of his generation, known for his feverish, crotch-grabbing dance moves and his high-pitched voice punctuated with squeals and titters. His single sequined glove, tight, military-style jacket and aviator sunglasses were trademarks second only to his ever-changing, surgically altered appearance.

"For Michael to be taken away from us so suddenly at such a young age, I just don't have the words," said Quincy Jones, who produced "Thriller." "He was the consummate entertainer and his contributions and legacy will be felt upon the world forever. I've lost my little brother today, and part of my soul has gone with him."

Jackson ranked alongside Elvis Presley and the Beatles as the biggest pop sensations of all time. He united two of music's biggest names when he was briefly married to Presley's daughter, Lisa Marie, and Jackson's death immediately evoked that of Presley himself, who died at age 42 in 1977.

As years went by, Jackson became an increasingly freakish figure _ a middle-aged man-child weirdly out of touch with grown-up life. His skin became lighter, his nose narrower, and he spoke in a breathy, girlish voice. He surrounded himself with children at his Neverland ranch, often wore a germ mask while traveling and kept a pet chimpanzee named Bubbles as one of his closest companions.

"It seemed to me that his internal essence was at war with the norms of the world. It's as if he was trying to defy gravity," said Michael Levine, a Hollywood publicist who represented Jackson in the early 1990s. He called Jackson a "disciple of P.T. Barnum" and said the star appeared fragile at the time but was "much more cunning and shrewd about the industry than anyone knew."

Jackson caused a furor in 2002 when he playfully dangled his infant son, Prince Michael II, over a hotel balcony in Berlin while a throng of fans watched from below.

In 2005, he was cleared of charges he molested a 13-year-old cancer survivor at Neverland in 2003. He had been accused of plying the boy with alcohol and groping him, and of engaging in strange and inappropriate behavior with other children.

The case followed years of rumors about Jackson and young boys. In a TV documentary, he had acknowledged sharing his bed with children, a practice he described as sweet and not at all sexual.

Despite the acquittal, the lurid allegations that came out in court took a fearsome toll on his career and image, and he fell into serious financial trouble.

Jackson was preparing for what was to be his greatest comeback: He was scheduled for an unprecedented 50 shows at a London arena, with the first set for July 13. He was in rehearsals in Los Angeles for the concert, an extravaganza that was to capture the classic Jackson magic: showstopping dance moves, elaborate staging and throbbing dance beats.

Singer Dionne Warwick said: "Michael was a friend and undoubtedly one of the world's greatest entertainers that I fortunately had the pleasure of working with. ... We have lost an icon in our industry."

Hundreds of people gathered outside the hospital as word of his death spread. The emergency entrance at the UCLA Medical Center, which is near Jackson's rented home, was roped off with police tape.

"Ladies and gentlemen, Michael Jackson has just died," a woman boarding a Manhattan bus called out, shortly after the news was announced. Immediately many riders reached for their cell phones.

So many people wanted to verify the early reports of Jackson's death that the computers running Google's news section interpreted the fusillade of "Michael Jackson" requests as an automated attack for about half an hour Thursday evening.

In New York's Times Square, a low groan went up in the crowd when a screen flashed that Jackson had died, and people began relaying the news to friends by cell phone.

"No joke. King of Pop is no more. Wow," Michael Harris, 36, of New York City, read from a text message a friend sent to his telephone. "It's like when Kennedy was assassinated. I will always remember being in Times Square when Michael Jackson died."
___
Associated Press Writers Derrik J. Lang in Los Angeles and Virginia Byrne, Nekesa Mumbi Moody and Jocelyn Noveck in New York contributed to this report.

Charlie's Angel

2009-06-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

Farah Fawcett has succumbed to cancer and died at age 62.

The blond sex symbol of the 1970's has been ill for some time with cancer, which spread throughout her body. She was recently the subject of a television movie, chronicling her battle with the disease.

She is survived by her long time companion, Ryan O'Neal, her son, Redmond, and her ex-husband, Lee Majors.

Farrah shot to fame as one of the original detectives in the ABC drama "Charlie's Angels." She later earned critical acclaim as an abused wife who takes revenge on her husband in the controversial television drama "The Burning Bed."

Heaven has a new angel. Farrah Fawcett dead, at age 62.

Sanford and Sin

2009-06-24T14:28:00.000-07:00

Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina disappeared for five days this week, prompting an almost America's Most Wanted style search for the leader of the Republican Governors Association. In fact it became so close to becoming a manhunt, that Mark Foley and Larry Craig almost volunteered to track down their man.

In the middle of the week, Sanford's staff--not to be confused with Larry Craig's staff--revealed that the father of four had decided to hike the Appalachian Trail to clear his mind from a series of blows--not to be confused with Larry Craig's blows--dealt to him by the Supreme Court of South Carolina and the state legislature.

Yesterday, clever reporters, who seem to have recently learned about something called "investigation," discovered that the Governor's car was parked at the Atlanta airport, which is the busiest airport in the world, at least by air traffic--not to be confused with Larry Craig's airport restroom, which is also the busiest in the world, at least by foot traffic.

Witnesses said they saw Sanford board a plane for Buenos Aires. Who knew the Appalachian Trail went all the way to South America?

Today, the Governor, who believes that marriage is between one man, one woman, and an Argentine slut, admitted to an affair in the Argentinian capital.

Sanford has stepped down from his leadership role in the Republicans Governors Association, and offered a tearful apology to television cameras and microphones. It is unclear if he will offer a similar apology to his wife and four sons, whom he left alone on Father's Day, while he played Juan Perón, sticking his American sausage in some Argentine skank.

It is unclear how this will affect Sanford's future political career, but it seems certain that he is no longer a favorite for the Republican nomination for President in 2012.

Of course with company like the brain-dead Palin, the womanizer Gingerich, and the cross-dressing Giuliani, he fits right in with the New Republican Party.

An Open Letter to Ron Schmeits, President National Rifle Association

2009-06-23T17:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Schmeits:

I would like to thank you for all your tireless efforts on behalf of gun owners everywhere. You have stood up for lawful gun ownership, and have prevented those terrible Democrats from taking away all of our guns.

And it is refreshing to know that the Second Amendment isn’t just for law abiding citizens anymore. Even though some 800 people on the terrorist watch list have been able to purchase guns, you are standing by your principles and opposing Senator Lautenberg of New Jersey in his attempts to close this loophole.

I think it is most American of you to put our freedoms first, realizing that if we give up these freedoms, then the terrorists will win. Of course, we are only talking about the right to bear arms. The right to freely assemble, be secure in our own papers, to have a speedy trial, and not be placed in double jeopardy, are just quaint remnants of an old piece of paper.

Since we are standing up for the terrorists’ right to have guns, I would like to bring to your attention other groups egregiously denied the right to bear arms.

I have a friend, let’s call him Jack. His real name is Chris Brown, but I promised I would not use his real name in this letter to protect his identity. Jack was accused of beating his girlfriend recently. Well, it wasn’t so much a beating as an all out assault. It was pretty bad. I mean he really went to town on that woman. It was just sad.

But other than that one beating (and a couple of other ones no one knows about yet), Jack is a really nice guy. In fact, if he isn’t drinking and beating on women, he is about the nicest guy you could be around.

Anyway, just because he got caught this one time wailing on his girl, he is now being denied the right to buy a gun, like some common criminal. I mean if some guy who wants to blow up a plane or poison our water supply can get a gun, why can’t Jack?

I have another friend, or rather I had another friend, who unfortunately would be denied to purchase a firearm. That is, he would be denied if he weren’t dead. Dead people can’t buy guns, yet, can they? Anyway, we’ll call him Cho, well, because that’s was his real name, and he can’t bitch about my using it since he’s dead and all.

Anyway, Seung-Hui was the nicest and cutest little thing you ever did see. If Blanca must confess, she has a thing for the Asians. I guess you could say I have yellow fever. Why else do you think I hang out with my puki pal, Michelle Malkin? It certainly isn’t for the stimulating conversation. I figure if I hang out with an Asia type long enough, a couple of guys of the Asian persuasion may happen on by. I don’t know what it is about Asian men. Maybe it’s their black hair, maybe it’s their rich culture, or maybe it’s just the way they always look like they are having an orgasm. Oh, I think I just turned a little Japanese there thinking about it.

But I digress. Little Cho would be denied a gun by today’s laws in Virginia, which is where he lived, just because he had been receiving mental therapy. Just because someone has been insane in the past, does not mean they are insane now, and any stay in a mental institution or prescription of antidepressants should not preclude them from purchasing a firearm. Keeping people from buying guns just because they have a history of mental illness would be like barring someone from buying a gun or explosives just because they are suspected of having terrorist ties. That’s just wrong.

Finally, I have another friend who is not permitted to own a gun, simply because he “killed” a couple of people a couple of years ago. He has paid his debt to society, but he is still not allowed to legally purchase a Saturday Night Special. Just because he killed once before, does not mean he will kill again. He won’t, I promise. I know OJ is better than that. Keeping my friend from owning a weapon would be like forcing sex offenders to get registered with the police once they are set free or having parolees regularly check in with their parole officers. It’s just crazy.

Please see what you can do to help my friends. Too many people for too long have been kept from buying guns. Remember, guns don't kill people, crazy unhinged people with guns kill people.

Sincerely,

Blanca DeBree

Heeeer's Ed

2009-06-23T05:22:00.000-07:00

Ed McMahon, the sidekick of Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show for 30 years, has died at age 86.

McMahon started in radio, but hid his stride as the straight man to Johnny Carson on the late night standard.

In 2008, Ed shocked the world as he became the most famous victim of foreclosure, having overextended himself and falling behind on his payments on his multimillion dollar house in California.

He also was a litigant in several lawsuits due to mold and injuries.

He recently appeared in a Superbowl commercial advertising gold for cash.

Heaven, heeeeer's Ed. Ed McMahon, dead at age 86.

Persian Pity

2009-06-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Blanca has been resisting the urge to comment on the recent events taking place in Iran. Although it would be easy to take advantage of this opportunity for my own personal and political gain, I realize that anything said on this blog could be used against the people of Iran, who are courageously fighting against tyranny and for the right to just have a bad hair day without having to put on a head scarf. Others on the right have not been so reticent, and they have used this crisis to criticize the President, increase their own ratings, and promote a political agenda.

It would be easy to criticize Mr. "Ach Dude, I'm In a Dinner Jacket." The man is a raving lunatic. He's so certifiable, he makes Michelle Bachmann look sane, and you know that is saying something. And although everyone on the right has been secretly rooting for old Dumb Nuts to continue to be "President" of the Islamic Republic, it would be nice to see him go. Even though his departure would deal a crippling blow to the Axis of Evil. I mean of late, it really hasn't been all that axisy. After the free elections in Iraq, it became more of an Axel of Evil. And if the Iranians are successful in ousting Ahmadinejad and the Ayatollah, it will be more like a Pogo Stick of Evil. And that wouldn't be all that evil, now would it?

There is nothing more amusing than a pogo stick, especially one ridden by an elderly diminutive Korean man. Let's face it, the only thing funnier than a pogo stick is an Asian on a pogo stick. That's why we really go to all those Korean delis now, isn't it?--so we can make fun of the little old guy who owns the place. There is nothing quite as funny as watching a four foot eight old guy trying to stock the top shelf. Pure comedy.

But I have put my own ambitions aside in this revolution, and I have stood silently with the People of Persia, chuckling to myself as I think about Mr. Lee trying to put the Folger's Coffee on the highest shelf. But make no mistake, I stand with those godless heathens as they try to bring freedom and Disneyland to Iran.

And I must admit, that I have an ulterior motive. If those Mooselims are successful in overthrowing the clerics and forming a secular government, then it just looks all the much better for Commander Guy. I mean, this will be the second domino to fall in his vision of a Middle East free of tyranny and filled with The Gap and Banana Republics as far as the eye can see.

Sure, I can hear all my "liberal" readers out there telling me that it was Barack Obama and his new approach to Iran, which made it possible for the people to realize they had choices. But that would be wrong. Haven't we had enough affirmative action already? I mean the black guy beat the old white guy for the job. Can't we let the white simpleton from Texas have one measly victory? I mean given his track record, I think he deserves one little gold medal for participation for the last eight years, don't you?

So Blanca stands shoulder to shoulder with the people of Iran. Well, not so much shoulder to shoulder, as at an arm length. Persians have a tendency to sweat a lot, and I don't think they know what deodorant is. But as long as I am up wind, I will be with my Farsi Friends, as they fight for freedom.

Anyway, if this doesn't work, we can just bomb their cities, kill their leaders, and convert them to Christianity like my gal pal, Ann Coulter, suggested.

Rush Limbaugh Bitches about His Email

2009-06-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

Rush Limbaugh chastised Shepard Smith today for his comments about the increasingly frightening tone of the emails he receives on a daily basis at Fox News. Limbaugh bragged that the hate mail he gets makes Fox News' mail pale by comparison.

Rush, email for rapid weight loss and penis enlargement does not constitute hate mail. You know nothing about hate mail. I receive horribly vicious hate mail on a daily basis. Here, for instance, is one I got after an interview I did with my puki pal, Michelle Malkin, on the Fox News.

Hey Blanca,

I caught your interview with Ms. Malkin, and I was disgusted. How dare you! I don't consider myself a prude, but for God's sake, please put on some clothes. I had just eaten lunch, and I vomited all over myself when I saw what you were trying to wear. Everyone loves little black dresses, but if you are a sixteen plus and try to wear a four, it just goes against the laws of nature.

Next time wear a burqah, you fat cow.

Now that is hate email!

Rush, if someone calls you out for being a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot, just brush it off, much like you do to the eight pounds of food that drops out of your mouth as you stuff your gullet. Don't take it personally when someone accuses you of child rape or of drug abuse.

But I must agree with you on one point. What the left did to George W. Bush and the conservatives for eight years is far worse than the right has been doing to Barack Obama. Remember all those abortion opponents the pro choice crowd gunned down? No? How about all those conservatives shot and killed in their places of worship by left wingers? Not ringing a bell? I'm sure you can recall all those white Christian men who were targeted for being white and straight by the pink mafia. Not really?

Yeah, a couple of loons killing cops, Jews, doctors, people in their churches, gay people on the street, and sending increasingly alarming and incendiary email is nothing. It's all in the left's head.

Thank you for making us all feel safer.

Mayor of Chocolate Town Quarantined in China Town

2009-06-07T16:12:00.000-07:00

Mayor Ray Nagin and his wife were quarantined in China after sitting next to someone exhibiting symptoms of the H1N1 virus, also popularly known as the Swine Flu, on a flight.

The couple is being held in Shanghai, until it can be determined if they truly have the Swine Flu, or Miss Piggy Fever as it is known by its street name.

Mayor Ray Nagin rose to fame after not using buses and making Condi buy shoes while people drowned.

The Chinese authorities have not said when the mayor and his wife will be released.

New Hampshire Makes It Six

2009-06-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

When New Hampshire governor, Democrat John Lynch, signed the bill this week making gay marriage legal, the New England state joined five others, in giving the gays the kind of rights the rest of us normal people thought we could hog to ourselves.

Little Rhode Island is now the single holdout in New England, but a bill is in the works to permit lovers of Family Guy, quahogs, and hawt cawfee have the right to get hitched, no matter what their genders.

Governor Lynch had insisted that protections be placed in the bill to shield religious institutions, which did not want to perform or recognize same-sex marriages. Supporters of the bill decried Lynch's actions as supporting bigotry. Detractors of the bill believed they had finally killed gay marriage in the Granite State, when the state legislature relegated the bill to committee.

People of both sides believed the bill was essentially dead for this session.

But then the legislature very quietly addressed the governor's concerns, and the bill was sent to him, and he signed it.

Opponents of gay marriage may just want to get their samurai swords ready for the traditional hari kari. The New Hampshire bill may serve as a model for other states, which are speedily passing gay rights measures. No state is immune from this scourge of equality.

In Utah, that home of Mormons, Big Love, and the Osmonds, the former Republican governor Jon Huntsman, Jr., supported civil unions before he was whisked away by President Obama to be Ambassador to China. Nevada just passed "everything but marriage" civil unions for same-sex couples. It seems that some people in Las Vegas finally figured out that in this horrible economy, the only people left who have money are the homos.

All totalled, six states now have gay marriage: Iowa, New Hampshire, Vermont, Massachusetts, Connecticut, and Maine. Five additional states offer full privileges to same-sex couples, but just provide a different term called "civil unions:" California, Oregon, New Jersey, Washington, and Nevada. New York and Rhode Island are actively persuing gay marriage. Several other states, including Wisconsin, Minnesota, Illinois, Oregon, and Hawaii are looking at either option. Washington, D.C. and New York both recognize out-of-state gay marriages.

It seems gay people are no longer content with screaming "we're here, we're queer, get used to it" in the streets. Now they send out gilded invitations, make an announcement in the Times, and get registered at Bergdorf-Goodman.

Equality: It's just not for heteros anymore.

Sotomayor is an Empathetic Racist

2009-06-06T13:15:00.000-07:00

The talking heads have been doing the television circuit recently decrying President Barack Obama’s nominee to the Supreme Court to replace Justice Souter as a racist, activist judge with empathetic leans and tits.

The titular head—not to be confused with boob head—of the Republican Party, Rush Limbaugh, reaffirmed his accusations of racism against Sotomayor, even as Newt “Don’t Call Me Kermit” Gingrich was back peddling faster than Senator Jeff Sessions at a NAACP meeting.

It seems that someone bothered to tell the Republican Party that their recent losses in nearly every demographic group would not be helped by alienating the fastest growing minority in the United States: Latinos. The only two groups, which Republicans are making modest gains with, are the two groups, which are actually shrinking: old people and conservative Christians. And with the Rapture due any day, all they will have left are the old bastards, who will be dying off at any time now.

Indeed the only other major conservative force who did not back down from assertions that Sotomayor hates white men because she is aware that she is not one, was Pat Buchanan. But Pat may not be the best judge of character when it comes to racism. I’m not saying the man has a thing against African American, but let’s just put it this way: he’s the guy who gave Susan Smith the idea to blame it on a black guy.

The only thing worse than Sonia Sotomayor’s awful racism, and massive tits, is her empathy. There is nothing more dangerous than an empathetic racist. Anyone who can hate someone based on race and then put himself in his shoes is just horrible.

Republicans must stand their ground, and stop this activist, racist, empathetic judge who will legislate from the bench and may actually be a stealth pro-lifer. We must filibuster her, now that we are in the minority and filibustering judges is our Hail Mary pass.

And did I mention she has tits?

Grasshopper Found Dead

2009-06-06T13:13:00.000-07:00

David Carradine, famous for his role as the trainee in the 1970’s ABC drama Kung Fu, was found dead in his hotel room in Bangkok this week where he was filming his latest motion picture.

Mystery shrouds Carradine’s death. Initial reports indicated a possible suicide, since he was said to have been found hanging by a curtain in his closet. Later stories seemed to point to an accidental death caused by autoerotic asphyxiation. But a physician interviewed on Larry King rejected the theory. And now the FBI is actively investigating the actor’s death.

Whatever the ultimate cause of death is for the 72-year-old actor, he will be missed. His most recent memorable role was as Bill in the Kill Bill double feature from Quentin Tarantino.

But those of us over 40 will always remember him as grasshopper, the young martial arts apprentice who’s Chinese and American parents helped him bridge the gap between East and West.

David Carradine, dead of mysterious causes at age 72.

Air France 447 Crashes in Atlantic

2009-06-06T13:09:00.000-07:00

An Airbus 330 flying from Brazil to France went down in a storm this week, leaving few clues as to the cause. The plane reported back to Air France that an electrical failure and a loss of cabin pressure had occurred, but no distress signal was ever sent.

Brazilian, American, and French ships and planes are now searching for the black boxes from the doomed flight. But the wreckage may lie under as much as three miles of water, making recovery difficult.

The clock is ticking, since the black boxes—actually colored bright orange—have batteries, which is last for just two weeks.

The only other fatal crash of an Airbus 330 was during a test flight.

Abortion Doctor Murdered

2009-06-01T20:11:00.000-07:00

WICHITA, Kan. – Dr. George Tiller, one of the nation's few providers of late-term abortions despite decades of protests and attacks, was shot and killed Sunday in a church where he was serving as an usher.

The gunman fled, but a 51-year-old suspect was detained some 170 miles away in suburban Kansas City three hours after the shooting, Wichita Deputy Police Chief Tom Stolz said.

Although Stolz refused to release the man's name, Johnson County sheriff's spokesman Tom Erickson identified the detained man as Scott Roeder. He has not been charged in the slaying and was expected to be taken to Wichita for questioning.

Court records and Internet postings show that someone using the name Scott Roeder has a criminal past and has expressed anti-abortion opinions on sympathetic Web sites.

Long a focus of national anti-abortion groups, including a summer-long protest in 1991, Tiller was shot in the foyer of Reformation Lutheran Church. Tiller's attorney, Dan Monnat, said Tiller's wife, Jeanne, was in the choir at the time.

The slaying of the 67-year-old doctor is "an unspeakable tragedy," his widow, four children and 10 grandchildren said in statement. "This is particularly heart-wrenching because George was shot down in his house of worship, a place of peace."

The family said its loss "is also a loss for the city of Wichita and women across America. George dedicated his life to providing women with high-quality health care despite frequent threats and violence."

Stolz said all indications were that the gunman acted alone, although authorities were investigating whether he had any connection to anti-abortion groups.

Tiller's Women's Health Care Services clinic is one of just three in the nation where abortions are performed after the 21st week of pregnancy. The clinic was heavily fortified and Tiller often traveled with a bodyguard, but Stolz said there was no indication of security at the church Sunday.

Anti-abortion groups denounced the shooting and stressed that they support only nonviolent protest. The movement's leaders fear the killing could create a backlash just as they are scrutinizing U.S. Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor, whose views on abortion rights are not publicly known. Link

This had to be a poetic murder by the assailant!
To kill an abortionist in the House of God. Its the same ole story - Baby Killers must be stopped! And God-fearing Christians are the only ones who can take the law into their own hands and stop a Killer of innocent children. God will be proud of this act of defiance! This is the assailant's hardcore belief!

The anti-abortion group may denounce this shooting publicly, but privately, I know they are cheering and thrilled.
One less abortionist in this world = more babies are saved!

Legal abortions can only be performed in a medical clinic under a licensed doctor. Kill the doctor and the clinic will not have a licensed physician = clinic will be closed. This is logical.

But this one step forward to save unborn babies today from Dr. George Tiller will bring an adverse 2+ steps back for the Pro-life Cause tomorrow!
This is reminiscent of bombing abortion clinics where not just the doctor, but workers and innocent people are killed - the families, friends and allies of the fallen will campaign for their cause.

Cold-Blooded murder of abortionists will NOT eliminate the fight against Abortion! It will increase it!

Just as the torture of terrorists will Not eliminate the fight against Terrorism!

Cross posted from Urbanswirl, Blanca's favorite Evildoer!

Gay Marriage Makes Strange Bedfellows

2009-05-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

Two former foes have combined forces in an unlikely alliance aimed at striking down Proposition 8 in California. Ted Olson and David Boies, who were on opposite sides of Bush v. Gore in 2000, which ultimately decided the outcome of the 2000 Presidential race, are challenging the California Supreme Court decision, which upheld the ban on gay marriage in California.

While some in the battle for marriage equality appear to be not only suspicious of Ted Olson's ulterior motives but also fear that pushing the case in federal court will harm gay marriage, others continue to scratch their heads at the unlikely pair, the Odd Couple of the Law.

Blanca has put on her legal cap, which really nothing more than a nightcap in the middle of the afternoon--here's to the three-martini lunch--and analyzed what is behind this legal tag team.

First, I do not believe that Ted Olson is interested in gay marriage, although I think he looks pretty gay, if you ask me, even if he is now on his fourth wife. On the contrary, I believe the conservative former Solicitor General is more interested in derailing gay marriage by pushing it through the federal courts, and ultimately the Supreme Court of the United States, before sufficient ground work has been placed, and before Obama has the chance to replace some of the more fossilized Supremes appointed under Ford and Reagan.

Second, I think those fearing the Supreme Court will ultimately uphold Proposition 8 do not understand how little damage this does to gay marriage. If the Justices agreed with the decision of the California Supreme Court, no state currently permitting gay marriage would be forced to then ban the practice. The decision would lie completely with the States, and the status quo would be maintained.

Third, there is no reason to believe the United States Supreme Court would even hear the case. The last time this issue was before the court was 1970, and the Court refused to even hear the case.

Fourth, even if the Court did decide to hear the case, there is little reason to believe that the outcome would vary much from Lawrence v. Texas, in which the court decided 6 to 3 to strike down sodomy laws. Of course three of the Justices hearing that case in 2003 will no longer be on the bench by the time an appeal of this case reaches the highest court in the land. O'Connor has already retired, replaced by Alito by President George W. Bush. Renquist died, and was replaced by Roberts, also by President George W. Bush. Souter is retiring, and presumably will be replaced by Sonja Sotomayor, whom President Barack Obama assures the left is just more of the same as Souter, who turned out to be a bit of a progressive after he was appointed by President George H. W. Bush. But essentially the mix of the court will remain as it did under the sodomy case, with Kennedy being the swing vote.

Fifth, and most importantly, I believe in elaborate ruses. Granted the Right has been rudderless for several years, and even when we were stearing in one direction or the other, those at the helm were generally drunk with either power or enough near beer to knock out an elephant. But this may ultimately be just an orchestrated way to place the matter of gay marriage back in the hands of the Congress in the form of a federal gay marriage ban.

President Obama has pledged to overhaul or weaken The Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), even though he seems to no longer support a complete repeal. Even if DOMA remains, if the Court decides that state bans against gay marriage are unconstitutional, then the only recourse for conservatives will be a federal amendment to the United States Constitution banning same-sex marriage.

Suddenly there will be new life in the Conservative Movement, which lately has resembeled more of a bowel movement. But time is of the essence, and this simple fact shows why Ted Olson is bringing this case before the federal appeals courts at this time.

Put simply, old folks are dying out. Younger people support gay marriage much more than older people. And as the older folks bite the big one, and as more people live with the reality of gay marriage in states like Massachusetts, Maine, Vermont, Connecticut, and as more states move closer to legalizing the practice, such as New Hampshire, New York, New Jersey, Rhode Island, Maryland, Washington D.C., Hawaii, California and Illinois, there will be less fear of gay marriage, and therefore less support for a federal ban.

Pat Robertson is not getting any younger. Jerry Falwell is dead. That creepy dude who wants to shower naked with your son is now basically powerless. Cultural shifts and time are not on the side of those who would like to keep gay marriage illegal.

It really is just a matter of time. Just as merely 42 years ago Barack Obama's mother and father could not have been married in Virginia, 42 years from now Mary Cheney will be married to Heather Poe, and they two will be torturing people from an undisclosed location as Vice President and Second Lady of the United States.

An Open Letter to the People of California

2009-05-26T15:21:00.000-07:00

Dear Californians:

Now that we have seen how easy it is to pass an amendment to your state's constitution, basically taking away rights guaranteed by other parts of the same document, I would like to offer my suggestion for some amendments I believe have been a long time coming.

One particular bee in my bonnet is old people. Old people just sit around all day, converting oxygen, and creating massive heaps of excrement. In a way, they are not unlike the elephant, that revered symbol of the Republican Party. Come to think of it, they are not that unlike Republicans lately.

They offer nothing to society, other than long irritating stories, which go nowhere. They sit watching television all day, and write letters to the editor complaining about how wonderful life was before they invented writing. In short, they are little more than a key ingredient in Soylent Green.

So I would like to offer an amendment, which would essentially strip them of their rights, so we can just cart them away to basically live out the rest of their lives on some island, far from the rest of us. I am sure the amendment will pass easily, since you only need 50% + 1 to pass in California. There are fewer than 6,000,000 old people in the state with a population of almost 38,000,000.

And once we have gotten rid of all those old people, we can turn our attention to another pressing matter: people with accents. Almost 43% of Californians do not speak English as a first language. I would like to change that. The next amendment I propose would strip them of their citizenship, and make the state a lot more gentle on the ears. I think it's just great how you don't have to get a super majority to just rip the rug out from someone in California.

And once we have cleaned up at that noise pollution, then we can really clean up the complexion of California by getting rid of that 39.6% of the population, which is not white. Now we won't just send them off to some island or strip them of citizenship. Rest assured, that they will continue to be 3/5 people as they become part of the rainbow coalition of slaves working the fields and gardens of California. Isn't majority tyranny fun?

And one more group will have to go right before we change the name from California to Flower Pot, since Spanish will be illegal. The Mormons have got to go. They make up less than 530,000, so it will be really easy to get this amendment passed. Taking a cue from the Japanese Interment, we'll just put them in camps and confiscate their property. I've had my eye on the three houses from Big Love. I guess we can let Nikki stay, as long as she promises to give free sex shows.

Once again, California, I mean Flower Pot, I want to thank you for showing the rest of the country the way. By the time we are done with that state, it will look like, well, Iowa.

Mr. Cheney's Super Magical Phantomorgasmical Torture Tour

2009-05-25T14:17:00.000-07:00

That lovable shotgun-to-the-face ex-Vice President Richard Bruce Cheney is at it again, touring the country with his ragtag fleet of misfits, selling his tonics and potions on the teevee like the snake oil salesmen of days gone by. But this time he isn't selling yellow cake uranium or "slam dunk" ties between Saddam Hussein and Al-Qaeda. This time around he's selling that American dream of a ticking clock, Jack Bauer, some dunking and a drowning, and the disclosure of the location of the nuke within the 44 minutes it takes to go to final commercial.

With Dick it's become a family affair, with his dragging along his wife and daughter--the normal hetero one, not the icky lesbo--to get his back as the questions get tough, and he is required to provide proof to his allegations. OK, it's not so much proof as just his normal grunting and heavy breathing reminiscent of a dirty phone call from Darth Vader. But who needs evidence when the guy from the team who told us where to find all those weapons of mass destruction tells you to believe him. I mean this guy's track record is impeccable.

If Dick wasn't telling us about the iron clad connection between Mohamed Atta and Hussein's super secret weapons program via Czechoslovakia--nine years after the counry ceased to exist--he and his gang of dogooders were sewing yarns about the super solvency of the credit market and absolute stability of the banking system.

Yes, Dick "Go Fuck Yourself" Cheney never missed a beat. Well, he missed several heartbeats, enough times that he slept in a coffin, but as far as intelligence went, this man was second to only George W. Bush in accuracy.

Just weeks after being wheeled out onto the Capitol steps for the last time looking like an even frailer version of Mr. Potter from It's a Wonderful Life, Cheney was back on the talk show circuit talking up torture like the Shamwow guy tries to sell you absorbant rags for an RV you don't even own. For a man who could never be found, hiding in his nondisclosed location for nearly the entire duration of his eight-year reign as Number Two, the man just can't shut up now.

But I guess we do have to give Mr. Cheney credit for keeping up safe all those years. We were not hit once in those eight years he was at the helm, or at least silently guiding the hand of the guy at the helm when he was too drunk to steer, put his hand on the wheel, or even find the bridge. I mean the only time we were hit was that unfortunate incident on September 11, 2001. But he couldn't be faulted for that. This was before we started torturing, so there was no way he could have ever found out about it. He would have had to have had ESP or at least the ability to read a Presidential Daily Briefing or listen to an FBI field agent.

Torture kept us safe by providing valuable information preventing another attack, or at least providing an invaluable link between Iraq and Al-Qaeda. In fact it was so successful, they waterboarded one guy 183 times in one month. You could even say that if it weren't for torture, we never would have gotten into Iraq in the first place. And what kind of a world would this be with 5,000 more Americans alive and kicking in it?

While Mr. Cheney might not have known dick about the economy, he was dead on when it came to torture and using torture to keep us safe from the ticking time bomb, which was the imaginary and wholly illusionary link between 9/11 and Iraq. Cheney's creative reading of such quaint documents as the Geneva Convention and goddamn pieces of paper like the Constitution, have helped us build the case for war and kept us safe from all those evildoers everywhere--except for the guys who blew up buses in London, trains in Madrid, nightclubs in Bali, beheaded journalists in the Middle East, and kept killing our soldiers using the type of road side improvised explosive devices, which would make Popular Mechanics proud.

Mr. Five-Time "I've Got Better Things to Do" Deferment Cheney knows the horrors of battle well, and would only send our soldiers into harm's way based on sound intelligence, checked, double checked, and finally triple checked. He would never endanger the lives of hundreds of thousands of Americans based on the desperate utterances of a man believing he was drowning, seeking any way to relieve the pain, no matter how fanciful the tale or fictitious the story. Not our Dick.

When Mr. Cheney condemns our President's strategy in the fight against terrorism, he isn't just playing politics. He is doing it to protect not only us, but more importantly, himself. You see, it seems there are a bunch of folk out there who think that we do not torture. They are misguided by quaint ideas like morals and Christian ethics. They don't know that if we don't torture, then the terrorists win. They live in ivory towers, also known as the front lines, and are under the mistaken idea that if we condone torture, then we have no standing to condemn others who torture. If you ask me on this Memorial Day, they are just a bunch of pussies.

Cheney is playing for his life, delivering a performance worthy of an Oscar, as he attempts to keep himself away from prying eyes, who would investigate who tortured whom. Look, we all know it takes two to torture, one to do the torture, and one to sit there and be tortured. At least that is how the whole S&M thing works between Sean Hannity and Geraldo Rivera. So there is plenty of blame to go around. I mean if someone claims he was tortured, like some 12-year-old boy getting sodomized, can't we all just agree he was asking for it like the woman who gets brutally raped for dressing pretty?

We owe it to Mr. Cheney to get his back after he got our backs, and mail, and phone calls, and email, and financial data for the last seven years. Just remember the next time he tells us we are all going to die because we now know what he was up to for those seven years, that he is only doing this to protect us all from the boogie man, which appears to no longer be some bearded guy in a cave in Pakistan, but is now some black guy at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

So here's to that big Dick for keeping us safe and protecting his ass. Let's hope this world tour of torture lasts a long time. Mr. Cheney, might I suggest you take this road trip international? What do you say to Spain?