the (dispencer)

it's official.

2009-10-13T14:09:00.003-05:00

skinnyski.com strikes again.

so, sunday at theo wirth i got the 'pleasure' of playing the role of USAC official.
i had heard the rumors/grumblings/legends of what a pain in the ass it is to be an official, and about how unabashedly stupid some of our bike racing peers can be... but i mostly blew it off.

"yeah, yeah. sure standing there with a clipboard is real tough... whatever."

"yeah, yeah. thats real tragic. but seriously, you guys must be cross eyed to have mixed up joe schmoe and larry lardass in 47th and 48th places... "

i figured i have done approximately One Million bike races since my 'career' began, and i don't have my head up my ass; officiating should be a piece of cake.

uh, wrong.

it was quite an eye-opening experience, to say the least.

first off, we took all the flack for the 'head-up-ass' promoter who ran the mens4/womens4/all juniors categories at once... 126 people in one field. wtf? some ladies/juniors managed near-front start spots, and some did not.
some may say, 'that's the breaks, get a good start spot next time', and they'd be right... but there is also the issue of 'fair'.
i bet there was a good 45 second advantage before the whistle even blew... (actually i know there was, i had a stop watch).

that shit ain't right. i agree whole-heartedly.
but it also ain't my fault, and i definitely don't want to hear about it while i am attempting to correctly score the race... jesus.

i won't even start on the crooked/crumpled/upside-down/missing race numbers... but rest assured they were in EVERY field, not just the beginners.

oh, and it is rather amazing how simple the instructions can be and still have 40% of the feild fuck it up.
amazing.

to sum up, i learned a whole lot about another side of the raceday coin, and i am glad that i did.
can't wait to relegate someone!
will it be you?

have you been an official?
do you not know the difference btw 'left' and 'right'?
what should i DQ super rookie for?
is an armani suit too much?

cx season has begun.

2009-09-28T14:02:00.001-05:00

time to hone your skills.

LGR has been.

[correct].

hope you have been too!

[incorrect].

best of show.

2009-09-12T21:09:00.009-05:00

i don't want to write about bikes anymore.

uninspired.

i write this blog mostly for my own enjoyment, but also when i feel like i have something that i want you to know. about me, about the world, whatever.
i like when you guys leave me your thoughtful comments. whether we agree or not.

even though i am currently not interested in this thing i would like you, my loyal readers, to continue to enjoy this blog.
i sometimes contemplate deleting it, but i feel like i've put a bit too much into it to make it just disappear.

so i put together a few of my personal favorite posts from the annals for you to relive.
...or live for the first time, if you haven't been a longtime fan.

maybe this is a heartfelt plea from me to you, for a sign that it's all been worth it- and still is.
maybe it's a gimmick to keep your interest.
maybe i'm just trying to impress a girl.
who knows?

srsly, click on these. they are fun.
and i spent a lot of time looking them up.

---

category: about me, bitches. REAL TALK.
-know what i hate?
-5 assholes.

category: the most truth i've ever put to (digital) paper. hardest thing i ever had to write.
-untitled.

category: best cuts at super rookie.
-it's funny cuz it's true.
-happy halloween.

category: trashing the local bike scene.
-(dis)approval.
-(dis)entertainment weekly.
-project runway 2008.

category: watching someone die.
-untitled.

category: best race report. ever.
-nothing but trouble.

whatever.

coming to a velodrome near you!

2009-08-08T11:14:00.003-05:00

as part of the regular NSCx event presenting;

THE MIDWEST SINGLESPEED CYCLOCROSS CHAMPIONSHIPS!

open category.
60 minutes.
male and female champions will be crowned.

stay tuned for more info.

total awesomes.

2009-08-03T12:47:00.002-05:00

circa 1987.

styling.
vans slip-ons/jams/avaitors/fingerless gloves/rat tail/color co-ordinated bike.

shirt matches bike/gloves.

all i need in this photo is a Louis Vuitton belt and i'd fit right in in Williamsburg today.

feel 'genuinely sad' if you were not this cool at nine years old.

god hates track racing.

2009-07-31T13:13:00.004-05:00

was going to blog about track racing. was prepared for the backlash from all the cyclocross/roadies/allthewayray types.
lucky for me, god/allah/bob hates track racing and/or wanted to spare me from having to discuss some of the spanks that race up there.

instead i went riding/racing/non-tracking on the unmentionable ride™.
it was [CENSORED]. if you were not there, well then you missed out on all the [CENSORED] and [CENSORED] we had/did/felt.
it was way more [CENSORED] than the track and all the [CENSORED] [CENSORED] up there!
of course, several alledged 'trackies' showed up on the unmentionable ride™, there was [CENSORED] and [CENSORED]. oh, and of course [CENSORED]. craazy!

i guess i don't blame god for hating the velodrome. s/he is probably still pissed that it is not indoors. i know timmer is.

albert timmer for skilz-shimano, of course.
yes, that slik-shimano.

was going to post this photo a few days ago, now it's kinda 'been around' the blog circut. hope you don't think less of me.

are you sad the tdf is dead?
do you wish there were 'other grand tours' we could enjoy?
are you as mad as god is about the velodrome situation?
what did you do thursday?

le (de)tour de style.

2009-07-29T12:41:00.004-05:00

the freaking tour is over!
i missed it.

i have been doing some craazy googling, and i can't figure out what happened.
maybe i should switch to yahoos? or bing?
maybe i should just buy an iphone and just 'get over bicycles' all together.
there must be an app for that.

so, i have been checking d-listed, perezhilton, and usweakly everyday but there is almost no mention of the 'le tour' at all.
...

SPOILER ALERT:

i did manage to find out who was on the podium though, except i don't know what order they are supposed to be in...

the podium was/is: albert contador, lance spears, and andy shreck.

i figure it shouldn't be too hard to determine the correct podium order. i mean, the race is french, so clearly the results will be based on who was the most fashionable.

let us examine the facts:
...

lance spearstrong, aka 'sparklefingaz':

with a clear affection for swooping necklines and 'questionable sports coats', i think it is safe to say that lancey finished 3rd.
while he is sponsored by nike, he is rarely sporting 'fresh-out-the-box' dunks, and would be better off wearing nothing at all rather than anything else in nikes 'fashion/livestrong' line...

albert contador, aka 'le petite diesel engine':

albert looks pretty put together for a spanish dude. aka 'doesn't look drunk'.

although word on the street is that he will not be bff's with lance/johan/twitter anymore, he IS still friends with levi leipenhiemer. here is a photo of them hanging out after the tour. total bffs.

and with friends like levi, it should be obvious that albert will never stand on the top step at a grand tour... but at least he doesn't have to shop at radioshack.

andy shreck, aka 'der pimp':

there are not many photos of the elusive shreck brother, but he knows where to be and who to be with if he does find himself in front of the camera.
here he is post le tour 'just chillin' with my fav Gossip Girl stars serena and dan! omg.

so totes jeals of andy schrecks.
plus, unlike lance, andy does have his own dunks.

now that's top step material.
...

so based on the facts available, here is your final podium:

1st: andy
2nd: albert
3rd: lance

also, i believe 4th place went to this guy. maybe.

what did you think of this years tours of france?
were you sad that cav didn't win stage 7?
do you hate my blogs?
do you want your own dunks?
gossip girl season 2 available on dvd 8/18/09, just fyi.

whoops.

2009-07-24T13:16:00.002-05:00

didn't watch the stage today.
what happened?

is there a website/link/twitter where i can get race information?

thx much.

can lance still win a 7th tour?

2009-07-22T16:16:00.006-05:00

the last two days stages of the tdf promised some action, and of course, i was there to witness it first hand via french tv replay.
i was busy doing a little shopping.

anyway first gc shake up was the missed madison exchange btw lance spears, and some italian. d'oh! this allowed the schleckx to hold hands all the way to the top.

maybe track/madison racing is not lancey's forte? should he stick to cyclocross?
i think so. team radio shack would totally get mad blog hits if he raced 'cx'.
i think that 'cross' will be the next hot thing in cycling.

other big news on the day was pellis0tay's outfit was finally complete, and was complimented via matchy bicycle. well done. believe his ppl had seen thedispencer.blogspot.

not sure if the fact that the schlecks rode a tandem bicycle was uci legal, but i do know that it 'just looked kinda creepy'.

there was another race today, but i didn't watch it.
seemed a little unimportant.
not really into 'dudes in funny hats'.

but, perusing the photos on cyclingnews, best look of the day goes to liquigas' weird little truck.
<3 weird little trucks, y'all.
hope to own an iveco someday.

do you think lance will win on ventoux via cyclocross skillz?
what will happen when team radio shack tries to use their radios for the very first time in 2010?
will they be subject to the same fate as garmin's 'remote-controlled/photoshopped helicopter'?
how many more ugly bikes will lance unveil before the race ends?

beef?

2009-07-21T20:50:00.002-05:00

settled.

garmin. raw like cocaine straight from columbia.

is mn bike racing authentic?

2009-07-20T12:02:00.004-05:00

concerned that bicycles being raced in minnesota may not be authentic/relevant outside of mn/mpls/twitter.com.
ToGC was in St.Cloud this last weekend. I didn't go.
Heard it was not going to be 'the place to be' and that the cool kids were going to 'just chill' in the city.
would have possibly went for the bowling. was not aware that the was anything authentic to do in sterns county.

what can the ToGC do to be 'more authentic'?
move to wisconsin?
protour teams are racing in wiscompton right now.
while mn had 5 guys in the masters/oldschool/bitter field sunday.

would you buy tickets for the ToGC if lancearmstrongs/gregslemond/greenday were racing?
if there was a event t-shirt/clownsuit/handbag for purchase [via the internet] would you buy one to feel like you were 'part of the movement' in sterns county?

[man in backgrd points/laughs at old man inflitrating the #tdf.
where is the badger when you need him?]

feel like opus is 'very relevant' while races sterns county get treated like 'total shit'.
feel conflicted about the scene y'all.
someone tell me what to buy. i need to be authentic.

think i will go to the tuff ride to purchase some street cred before the next meatyard criterium.

is cyclocross going to catch on and be the 'next big thing', or will it fade away into obscurity like cadel evans?
will bicycles ever be accepted as real/tangible/authentic?
what protour kits do you buy to let drivers know you are a relevant cyclist?

does tdf = blog relevence?

2009-07-18T17:03:00.002-05:00

starting to feel like blogspot might be 'the next big thing' now that twitters.com has failed to grasp the attention of the internet/public/@lancearmstrong.

blogspot will soon shove tweeter.com off the podium like the badger would a union man or random pale guy.

the badger knows that no french team could possibly be on the tour podium, let alone be in the 'mellow johnny'.

feel like the tour is also inspiring me to 'blog more'. feel like there are many injustices that need to be righted, and that i can help. just need to keep cycle-blogging (clogging?) about important issues. feel like one day the world/uci/levi may start to 'get it' and learn a little something about cycling as a hobby more than a sport.

polka dots = injustice.
injustice to polka dots = genocide?

pellis-o-tay may be italian but he is clearly not as gay as most italians. fashion-wise.
wtf. omfg. idk. puk.e.dots.

in local news, i raced the track this thursday, and i hate to say it y'all, but cx season is here.
feel like blogging about cyclocross = mad hits.
feel like blogging about track racing = blog suicide.

was reading super-rookiesdotcom the other day too.
feel like being super rookie = career suicide. (via soccer/arcitecture/timhayes)

do you think the thedispencer.blogspot.com will bring tdf back into revelence?
do you hope the french get to win a stage of the tdf this year?
are you glad super rookie is semi-quiet these days?

pictoimages are plagerized from cylingnews. like usual.

oh crap, the tdf is on!

2009-07-17T16:31:00.003-05:00

hey, why did no one mention that the tour is on?

wtf? srsly.

anyway, i guess you probably know more what's going on over that since you've been watching it for like weeks now and i am trying to catsup. (clever pun, eh?)

so, instead of some tdf review/prediction/made-up b.s. i have decided to 'run what i brung', cuz 'rubbing is racing'.

hot/not.

calling it in = hot.

as much as i dislike the cav, i gotta like that fact that he spends his day in the peloton coming up with new and exciting victory salutes. but.... hopefully he was calling in an order for a green columbia/htc kit b/c a leaders jersey w/o matching shorts/gloves/helmet = not a good look.

srsly.

"hello, bob stapleton? yeah, it's cav. hey man, um, do y'all think you could hook me up with some green tinted bibs and shit? i mean, even euskatel can deck their guy in full polka dots, and they are a joke... oh, and bob, how hard would it be to get my national flag on my shoes? look into it ok? thx."

hell, even ag2r was prepared!
who even thought they had a shot in hell at any jersey!?
but nocentini proves the italians a born with the genes to know how to work a runway.

the man busts out the full yellow kit/gloves/helmet/socks/wife/kids... that's preparedness.

live it up, bro.
you're on a french team. your days are numbered.

custom airbrushing on anyone/thing that is not mario cipolini = not hot.

thats like spitting in the face of all things cipo, and blasphemy will get you nowhere.

i was glad to see heinrich haussler doing it for the revolution on stage 12.

he took an enormous risk throwing the fist, could've lost everything.

maybe the uci did not take heinrich seriously as he is 'just some white guy on a bike' to them.
we know the truth.

all photos stolen from cyclingnews.com/bettini. whatever.
oh, except the 1968 opympics. i googled that shit.

i heart coffee and bikes. together.

2009-07-16T11:55:00.004-05:00

[all the way ray, and hurl at crc. circa may 2009].

i am currently sitting at the CRC cafe.

for those that haven't had the pleasure, it's kind of a coffeeshop, and kind of a bike shop, and kind of always full of nice people. hell, i even saw the cullen's here once!
and bob williams. no shit, bob williams!

so, i sit here kind of a lot. it's close to my house, sure, but i do feel like i should take every opportunity to support CRC that i can.
i mean, where else does this exist in the world?
my two favorite things in the world collide; coffee and bikes.

excellent.

plus, it's a pretty awesome place, and i would like to continue to hangout here into the future, so that makes it easy to support. and that's what i'm all about..
hurl can make a mean soy latte to boot! (yes, soy. it's delicious).

LGR has been starting our weekend training ride from crc for the last year now, and it is pretty great to be able to grab an espresso, and a tube before heading out, let me tell you.

so, i hear rumors that might make your head spin a bit with excitement:
there may be another coffeeshop/bikeshop in minneapolis!

holy crap, i know.

longfellow/hiawatha residents can rejoice, angrycatfish bikes & coffee is coming to south minneapolis soon!
4208 28th Ave South, to be exact.

you can trust that as soon as i opens it's doors, i'll be there.
supporting.

internet fame.

2009-07-06T12:35:00.006-05:00

so, the internet is all a-buzz about cycling lately and all the attention is on one man...

no, not lance.

srsly. check me out;

got to star in the new urban velo magazine, masi ad. (hot placement on the backcover, in full color!)
i also scored what i am calling the 'lead role' in the sweet masi promo video. (hot velodrome racing action!)
and, riotminneapolis.com got a nice write-up on my favorite fixedgear trend-watching site, hipsternascar.com!

i'm everywhere.
get used to it.

notes:
1) photo by pete demos. he's good at his job, but i like to think as a professional model i made his job a lot easier...
2) i am not an advocate of riser bars on fixed gear bikes.
3) i do support riser bars over mustache bars. those are just retarded.

omg, a new post!

2009-05-28T14:53:00.003-05:00

bet you thought i quit, huh?

maybe you were right. who knows.

anyway, here i am writing a stupid blog post. you are fucking welcome.

so, i guess the recent news is like so;

i raced up in duluth last weekend for tonytonetoni's duluth-classic. it was a ton of fun like usual.
a bit different from last year, as LGR did not field a full squad.

only me and the infamous littleguy made the trip.
stage one was the TT. awesome.
since neither of us would crack the top 10 on our best day, we both bagged it and rode tempo saving the legs for the "important" races. i did catch LG though, and we had a sprint finish where he got me by a tire. most excitement the officials had all day.

see me? i'm the cute one. (photo from www.viewthroughmylens.net)

the rest of the weekend was us attacking the field and having fun racing. managed some decent results, but no stage wins. which was expected, since i am currently way off the form i had last season at this time... it was good to see some new out-of-town teams in the mix.
you a-holes get boring to race every week. 'nowhatimsayin'?

and then;

the week prior to duluth was a busy one for me. masiguy (lgr's super fantastic awesome super sponsor) and staff were in town, and i spent the week showing him the sites.
masi was in town to shoot photos for their catalog and for ads/web stuffs. all that jazz.

fyi, my modelling career is about to blow up. get your autographs now.
i hear i will be in the next issue of urban velo.

we gave them the grand tour, and got alot of awesome stuff for the catalog.
they came out to the velodrome to catch the thursday night racing action.
they were treated to lgr and masi bikes going 1st & 2nd in the very first race of the season.
can't beat that.

me? i just tried to look fast.
i hope it worked.

...

don't forget, i have a new business!
please check it out and maybe buy some stuff. i have no kids to feed!

photo by TC worley

RIOT Design Collective

2009-04-05T14:07:00.003-05:00

coming soon!

my clothing company!

bicycle and urban themed shirts and accessories for the fashionable-minded among us.

Modulok.

2009-02-17T10:45:00.007-06:00

this is a photo my friend moe.
he lives up in toronto.
i was lucky enough to see him in paris when he was on tour.

this photo was taken by my friend andrew.
he lives down in mexico city.
i am lucky enough to have several prints of is on my walls.

i'm international.
well, at least my friends are.

moe has a new album, "cities and years", dropping on the 23rd.
the tracks that have been released already are amazing.

i am in awe of the talent that so many of my close friends possess.
i've known both these kids since forever. for years. in one city to the next. these friendships have been constant.

with any luck i'm gonna get them both here in minneapolis at the same time along with some other good friends from far away cities and years.

it's gonna be a fucking riot.

check out the video. filmed in st. petersburg, russia.

G and J

2009-02-03T11:05:00.002-06:00

In the early Gumby episode "The Blockheads," the Blockheads slip ice cream into Gumby's milkshake, while Gumby and Pokey are traveling through the Old West.

The bartender serves the laced milkshake and Gumby becomes stiff as a result. The Blockheads take advantage of this in order to kidnap Pokey. (!)

However, Gumby blasts himself through the sky by firing off his pistols and lands on the Blockheads, saving Pokey.

yo, video mondayz iz mad fresh.

2009-01-26T13:42:00.004-06:00

inauguration day.

2009-01-20T12:01:00.001-06:00

quite a speech.

2009-01-19T10:18:00.002-06:00

with all due respect to martin luther king jr., i am going to use this day to post a speech by another great speaker in history.
malcolm x.

amazing how problems of yesterday are still the problems of today.

listening to mlk's speeches, and malcolm x's speeches just leaves obama's ringing hollow, and almost tripping over themselves.

what ever happened to great speakers?
did they all get assassinated?

"the government has failed us. you can't deny that. any time you are in the 20th century, 1964, and you're walking around singing 'we shall overcome', the government has failed you.
this is part of what's wrong with you, you do too much singing.
today it is time to stop singing, and start swinging."
-malcolm x (13th minute)

holy balls! (or highroad's new kit)

2009-01-16T22:34:00.004-06:00

so... highroad revealed it's new team kit for 2009.

it's pretty different from the '08 version, which was a study in modesty.

yes, gone is the stark black and white contrast, which harkened us back to a simpler time in cycling. a more low-budget time.
a time before anyone realized you could hire a designer to create your kit.

by special request, i am going to share my thoughts on this kit, and you are going to read it, and consider my words briefly before moving on to the next blog and forgetting about this forever.

so it goes.

anyway, to the point. as you can see above, this shit is yellow.
yellow. wtf?

not only is it yellow, but it is yellow and white! a combo made in hell. in fact the only thing that might be worse is yellow and blue...

as for the styling, well frankly they look like a third-tier spanish or italian team.
shudder!
the nod to, (aka really crappy rip-off of), the former (and uber-cool) csc kit is... interesting. the muscles on the csc kit looked realistic, and were well done. no, these look more like they were attempting the bumblebee theme. or rather than the tough david-hasselhoff-in-bay-watch-running-in-slow-mo theme they were clearly going for, they got the gay one.

worst of all, is the white shorts. i mean, c'mon. this photo is delivering more packages than ups.
also, not working in this overall shoddy kit is the all important transition from jersey to bib short. there main panel of the jersey, (yellow), just... ends. leaving you staring straight at the polish sausage.

what does really work, is the national champion versions of this kit, which are all on the womens side of the team:

although it would be kind of embarrassing to be one of the 2 women that didn't bother to win a national championship.
also, it looks like maybe canada and denmark should swap bibs. (and not just for skibby's entertainment).

inertia.

2009-01-14T11:50:00.007-06:00

In 17 days, 975 Palestinians were killed by Israel including 284 children & 100 women, plus there have been about 4400 more injured.

While on the other hand, over the past 8 years the number of Israeli's killed due to Hamas rocket attacks has been recorded as being 28 as of January, 4th 2009.

palestine is immovable.

it is not going anywhere.

when will the unstoppable forces of the usa and israel learn that?

oakland.

2009-01-09T12:08:00.003-06:00

action:

equal and opposite reaction:

couldn't happen here. no way.