okeydokefootball.blogspot.com

Brochure season continues

2009-07-07T07:50:00.000Z

Founder of K.U.N.T (Kids United, Not Tribal), a man who has a top speed of 145kmh, who lives for the memory of the dearly departed Kanu and who also loves his monogrammed car seats... stand back into that physio room Mickey Owen - via Arsecast, we bring you the Emmanuel Adebayor brochure...

ODF

ODF 26 June Podcast Online

2009-06-26T22:06:00.002Z

Hi Folks,

Our latest podcast is online now.

We discuss:

Confirmed Transfers.

Pub Talk.

Ireland.

Transfer Talk.

We ran a tad bit overtime but we hope you enjoy it.

Mark & JJ.

Download it

RSS

Podcasting tonight...

2009-06-26T14:43:00.003Z

Howdy folks,

Heading over to the Vance Ranch for a midsummer's pod this evening. In no particular order we'll be talking about Peruvian robberies, South African hookers, Big Mac diets for professional athletes and even a little bit of football.

In preparation...

Tune for the afternoon (Know I'm serious as a cancer when I say Vancer... you won't like this)

Tune two for the afternoon (who couldn't like this?)

Obligatory Blackadder reference

Later, JJ

Michael Owen's Brochure

2009-06-20T20:07:00.002Z

I was looking for this all week, and finally came across it.

Michael Owen's Marketing brochure.

Enjoy.

What's Happened to Italy?

2009-06-19T09:56:00.004Z

I'm sure those among us, who all painfully wished for a break from football, in order to recharge our batteries, have been flirting with cricket, rugby and hell even a bit of Formula 1 over the past weeks, have come crawling back to the Confederations Cup for a bit of real sport.

Yes, watching the international might of New Zealand & Iraq is a thrilling business, and it also served up a fascinating encounter last night, between Italy and Egypt.

I apologise if I'm going to parrot some of Cunny Kenningham's comments here, but there really is no other choice. the Italians look a bit of a shambles.
When Ireland played them recently, they were down to 10 men inside a few minutes, so nothing concrete could be gleaned from the match.
But their 2 recent matches have shown them up.
They went 1 nil down to a poor USA side, and required a thunderbolt from Rossi to draw level. They then put the hurt on the US, who had been reduced to 10 men in the first half.

Last night, a handy, functional Egypt side, beat them one nil. Egypt started brightly, and caused Italy problems with their pace, and eventually scored a nice header from a corner after 40 minutes. To be fair to Italy, they did create some wonderful chances in the second half, but certainly didn't do enough to win the game.

Taking a step back, lets look at some of their squad. All through the team, there is the concern of age.
Grosso (31) - his time in France did him no favours, but still a quality left back.
Cannavaro (35) - he really is starting to creak a bit, much preferring a cynical foul to chasing a man.
Zambrotta (32) - formerly a thrilling attacking full-back, now looks a shadow of his former self.

Gattuso (31) - a player whom everybody likes, but doesn't have the legs of old days, so his influence is on the wane.
Camoranesi (32) - well, he was never really good in the first place, was he? Worse now.
Pirlo (30) - still a fine player, but his proposed retirement to Chelsea would be a big mistake for all concerned. As slow as me on a Monday morning.

Toni (32) - a big lummox, and his style has all but died out in modern football. Scorer of a sum total of no goals at the last WC. Finished.
Gilardino (26) - still only a youngster, but my god is he rubbish. Couldn't hack the pressure at Milan, having a better time at Fiorentina, but what exactly does he do?
Iaqunita (29) - a late bloomer at Udinese, now doing well at Juventus, but I have never seen him convince.

So that's all well and good, but what about the youngsters? Surely there is a well of talent coming through?

No.

Let's have a look:
Inter's Davide Santon (18) is the only exciting prospect in defence. Various no-marks are making up the numbers - Dossena (wtf), Legrottaglie (32), Gamberini (27).

In midfield, Pepe (25) looks decent, but hardly exciting. De Rossi is only 25, and a quality player, but Roma are going a bit backwards, and he could do with a move.
Montolivo (24), could be promising in future, Palombo (27) is Gattuso-lite.

Up front, Rossi (22) looks to have the most potential, a terrific eye for goal, and a great long shot, a consistent scorer in Spain. But is he a bit powder puff for the modern game? Quagliarella (26) has been talked about in glowing terms the past few years, but his goal record is uninspiring, and I haven't seen him play well for Italy.

That's it. Seriously. Pretty depressing, eh?

But wait, who's in the U21 team or close to getting in the squad?

Barzaglia (28), Aquilani (24), D'Agostino (27), Brighi (28), Pazzini (24), Di Natale (31), Balotelli (18).

Hmm. Only Super Mario, Aquilani & Pazzini look to be decent shouts.

What is becoming clear is that Italy are one paced, are out of ideas, and have sparse talent coming through. The squad needs a shake up, but Lippi seems reluctant to inject youth and pace into the team. His formations are also horrible - Rossi as a lone striker? Quag on the right, Iaquinta on left? The one paced midfield trio? It's all a bit of a mess.

From a sporting point of view, lets hope that Italy get their house in order for next years World Cup, and provide a credible defence of their title. But, from a personal point of view, I hope it's after Ireland play them in the autumn.

Mark

It’s a deal, it’s a steal, it’s sale of the farckin century innit…

2009-06-11T09:30:00.003Z

Alright folks,

Another quick blog today and this time there can be only one story. England v Andorra…. Are England the greatest side ever? Have they re-invented the game? Isn’t it great that Fabio Capello has made multi-millionaires fall in love with the game again?

Well actually that’s not really a great story so let’s concentrate on a hush-hush transfer story emanating from Spain.

Now that United have accepted the Ronaldo bid and due to the fact that it’s absolutely gigantic who do you think they should spend their money on? I reckon they should put it all on Newcastle to come straight back up, safe money that. At the very least they can pay up the rest of Berbatov’s contract and send him back to Spurs what with their boomerang policy for buying back players. Expect to see Gary Mabbutt back at White Hart Lane sometime soon as well.

I’m moving off the point though, if there is a point… anyway, essentially, after all this rambling, who should Unireh buy to plug that greasy hole Ronaldo has left behind him? If I was Ferguson I’d at least try and piss off the rest of the top four by trying to pinch some of their talent – a marquee signing like Fabregas, Torres, Drogba, Adebayor or Monster Mascherano. Unlikely I know but it’d suit Ferguson’s shit stirring instincts to a tee. The rest of the summer will be very interesting at Old Trafford anyway.

JJ
ODF

My Greatest Achievement

2009-06-10T14:21:00.001Z

From Serie C2A to Serie A Champions in 13 years!

Unlikely role model

2009-06-02T12:16:00.005Z

Afternoon folks,

When you find yourself pointing towards the behaviour of Steve Bruce as an example to others you know it’s an odd day. The bendy-nosed one is set to become Sunderland manager today and, most likely, clear out the majority of the 4,073 professionals currently on their books.

Bruce, as well all now know, is a survivor. For a while that meant teasing one club for a little bit (Sheffield United, Huddersfield) before going off and getting his end away elsewhere (Wigan the first time around and Crystal Palace). He finally settled down at Birmingham and survived relegations, boardroom politics and apparently having his daughter fall under the spell of the cahviest man in chavtown, Lee Hendrie. And ODF favourite Nicklas Bendtner.

When he eventually did leave St Andrews some accused him of succumbing to his loyalty ‘issues’ again but really the past two years have simply seen the guy brilliantly realise both his limitations and his strengths. In turn he has handled his career perfectly. Sunderland is just what he needs and he is just what the least shambolic club in the north east of England needs in return.

To adopt a simplistic, somehow award-winning, Martin Samuel turn of phrase ‘What can Steve Bruce offer Sunderland? Mid table respectability that’s what’. I feel like a bacon sambo already… anyway….

A finish anywhere between ninth and twelfth that will guarantee that the club’s new owner, Ellis Short, gets a few years in the Premier League will be the task ahead for Bruce. The former Man Unireh defender is being brought in to assure Short that investing a few bob in the club is a good idea. From there things could go very, very right for Sunderland.

Bruce can, realistically, offer no more than mid-table, but he doesn’t have to offer anything above that. He stuck around too long at Birmingham, with several players complaining that the club went stale under his stewardship and will most likely learn from this lesson. If Sunderland get that little bit bigger and can actually attract a coach they deem able to take them on further to say, Everton, Villa or Spurs’ level (and both in terms of stadium and support they could eventually be on a par with any of those three), then I’m sure Bruce can find his niche elsewhere happily enough.

Getting a job in management is built around your standing in the game at that minute (there are occasional exceptions like Gary Megson who got a second chance at the highest level from nowhere) and where Bruce has recently known exactly when to go and where to go to, the last few months have seen some prize tulips pass up opportunities which will, in ODF’s estimation seem foolish in the long run.

Take Phil Brown for starters (when talking about foolish chumps where better to start), he could have walked into the Newcastle job after Kevin Keegan’s second reign predictably ended with him back at the Soccer Circus. Brown’s reputation was never going to get any better than around November last year. Now, there are TV stations across the globe treasuring the images of him singing on the pitch the other week, ready to dust them off when he’s sacked within three months of the start of the 09/10 season.

There’s the big example everyone’s looking to at the moment, Own Coyle. Burnley will go down, and even if they don’t they may well replace him after two months if the results still aren’t coming their way. A move to Celtic would have kept the juggernaut going and he should have jumped on the opportunity.

Roberto Martinez shouldn’t make the same mistake either. It’s not that Celtic is necessarily a step up in real terms, but as far as CV-building goes it’s hard to argue with a vacancy that will bag you a few titles and Champions League exposure, over taking the Wigan job with (apparently) no budget and all the team’s best players gone.

Yes, I am wholeheartedly advocating a lack of loyalty to clubs across the board but when reputations can be savaged in matter of months in the Premier League, managers should know when best to jump at all times. Boardrooms will have no sympathy for the man they deem to be losing them money week after week. Well maybe Steve Gibson will but he’s that little bit different.

Alex Ferguson made a good point a few months back when he pointed out that a high-profile failure can leave a manger jobless for years. He noted how Brian Little – a man he said could manage 85% of the clubs in the UK – found it hard to get work after parting company with Villa.

And if there’s one cautionary tale that will have every manager quaking in his boots it’s the idea that if they don’t manage their career correctly they may well end up being the meat in a punditry sandwich featuring Paul Dempsey on one end and Phat Pat on the other. Terrifying.

JJ

ODF

Big Prediction for Big Game in Big Cup

2009-05-27T13:58:00.003Z

Big drinking… yippee!

And 3-1 to Slur Alex and the Evil Empire.

Later, JJ

Err, why is Shearer getting no blame?

2009-05-25T10:43:00.002Z

Have I missed something? Am I reading the wrong newspapers, or watching the wrong TV channels?
Here are some facts:
Shearer had 8 games to save the season.
They got 5 points - 1 win and 2 draws.
They needed one more point.
Against a Villa team with nothing but pride to play for, on a terrible run since February.
They fail. With a whimper.

Am I the only one who thinks he did a crap job? 3-5-2 Alan? Duff at left back? Joey Barton?
And then says yesterday - we weren't relegated today, we were relegated over the other 37 games!
And, to compound the madness, odds are he's gonna stay on next season, once he received board assurances over how much money and control he'll have. Have Newcastle learned nothing the past few years? Does anyone seriously believe they'll be promotion candidates under Shearer?

Mark,
ODF

Will we miss them?

2009-05-22T10:47:00.002Z

Fuck no… come on Hull and Sunderland!

TV3... why oh why

2009-05-21T11:43:00.007Z

Howdy folks,

Thanks to work I didn’t catch the entire UEFA Cup final last night but upon flicking on the TV I made a serious schoolboy error by settling on TV3. In case any viewers were in any doubt they reminded us time and time again that this was “the last UEFA cup final ever”. As if we were witnessing a moment in history equal with D-Day or the last episode of Cheers.

The more accurate truth, that the competition – which has had its heart ripped out and then been shat upon by UEFA – is being re-branded as the Europa League barely got a mention. Coming complete with a new 48-team group stage that will get about as many viewers as Network Two’s usual bi-monthly screening of Judge (“I am de laawww”) Dredd at two in the morning, next year’s competition is already looking like one of UEFA’s great follies.

Now, I’d never complain about there being too much football on TV but I think it is time to face up to the fact that next season there will be too much football on the wrong channels. TV3 have exclusive rights to the Europa League and, lest we forget, will also be broadcasting the Tuesday night games in the Champions League. Some may see them as an easy target but this is a channel that drowns out the sound of the crowd so we can get to hear their unfeasibly stupid commentator Trevor Welch above everything else. They think people want this. They think this improves the viewing experience. They are very, very wrong.

They hire Mark Lawrenson again and again even though he says even less than he does on the BBC (which some may see as a plus in fairness), indeed the former Liverpool defender is clearly there for a nixer he can’t believe is still going no matter how little he tries. We don’t know as yet if Packie Bonner will be on board but let’s hope if he is then he’s gotten over that terror that consumed him until (a) they went to the ads or, (b) they discussed a goalkeeping error.

Please say they’ve hired a few new editors at least. This, after all, is the channel who chopped up highlights of one of the great European games of the decade (Chelsea’s 4-2 win over Barcelona in 2005) so badly that at one point the footage jumped from a Barcelona attack petering out directly to Frank Lampard swinging in a corner which John Terry nodded in as Ricardo Carvalho nudged the Catalan’s keeper out of the way.

They Tallaght-based company also specialise in showing shots of the bench that include subs that have already been introduced onto the pitch. Minor quibble I know, but it reminds you of the sub-standard fare they serve up to the viewing public. We’re not asking for miracles here, just a few easy steps to make their football shows bearable.

At present though, are TV3 the worst channel around for sports coverage? ITV at least have better sound and… okay well, nothing else but they have better sound. Setanta possess the chunky but often funny freakshow of Phat Pat, and also have a near-instant highlights package of the goals from the other Champions League games, which you have to admit, is pretty decent.

Elsewhere, while RTE may have slipped in recent years, they have been bang on form again of late and even Sky Sports have the odd decent match-commentary team as long as you avoid the planks in the studio.

Shoddily run, annoying and continually pining for mediocrity with zero controversial punditry, last night confirmed that TV3 have learned nothing in the years since RTE won sole coverage of the Champions League. Next season will be the usual dull mix, with most of the commentary and studio chat focusing on the ‘hey, we’re TV3, we have coverage woo-hoo!’ angle rather than the actual game itself. Maybe they should get Vincent Browne on to host the thing instead of Packie actually; at this stage he couldn’t make it any worse.

“Now, John Toshack you’ve managed in Europe, your views on David Silva in a moment, but first the thorny issue of Libertas…”

Roll on Wednesday nights next season…

Later folks, JJ

Predictions plus a list of chumps that obviously includes David Bentley

2009-05-15T15:22:00.004Z

People,

Thankfully the ‘chumps’ section of this blog refers to footballers rather than predictions as I think even Lawro, with all worldly wisdom and bizarre hair, has had better luck than me on predicting the goings on of the Premier League this season.

However, unrepentant, I shall carry on, so first up a quick run through of possibilities for the weekend ahead…

Saturday
Man United v Arsenal: The big one of the weekend comes first and just because I think I may get a few of the other results right I’ll sit back and enjoy getting this wholeheartedly wrong and go for an Arsenal win, 1-2.
Bolton v Hull: Phil Brown returns to the old stomping ground and I think he’ll pick up a point here against an unmotivated Bolton side. 0-0
Everton v West Ham: With Everton players pulling out of tackles in order to survive ‘til cup final day, this may be a decent game and I’ll go for a draw here, 2-2.
Middlesbrough v Aston Villa: Bye, bye Boro? Well, not today. 3-1
Newcastle v Fulham: Even a Fulham side with virtually nothing (or the Europa League as it’s also known) to play for should be good enough to beat this Newcastle side. But ya get the feeling Newcastle could get lucky here as well what with the momentum from the other night. Hmmm… I’ll hope Shearer’s overpaid twats lose this one, 0-2.
Stoke v Wigan: Football is the winner here obviously. 1-1
Tottenham v Man City: Could be a great game, with Ledley King most likely not starting Spurs should be as leaky as his bladder for one. City were pretty toothless last week though, so maybe not a goal fest on second thoughts. Eh, clutching at straws, I’ll go for optimism 3-4

Sunday
Chelsea v Blackburn: End of season pointless 3-0 for Chelsea fans.
West Brom v Liverpool: End of season pointless 3-0 for Liverpool fans.

Monday
Portsmouth v Sunderland: Sunderland could be well in the shit if results go against them, and considering there seems to be infighting galore going on up there I’d say the gloom may continue here. 2-0.

***********************************************

And now, to add to myself and Mark’s best teams of the season here’s a quickfire ‘failed to live up the hype 11’ from me.….

GK

Steve Harper: Newcastle fans have been bleating on for years about the delights of having two ‘top quality’ Premier League goalkeepers but since Shay Given left Harper has been poor. Not helped by his defence obviously, but hardly an inspirational figure behind them is he?
Right back

Jose Bosingwa: Only in here because people seemed to be sure he was some kind of football god after about three weeks of the season. He has since been shown up a weak tackler, a fairly headless runner once over the halfway line and an often woeful crosser of the ball.
Left back

Sorry dude… it has to be Dossena. We’ll always have Old Trafford though Andrea.

Centre back

David Wheater: Still the future of England’s defence? Hardly, Alan Hansen delighted in showing up his mistakes the other week.

Centre back

Anton Ferdinand: One of Roy Keane’s great final mistakes, £6 million for a defender who barely looks awake half the time.
Right winger

David Bentley: Hands up who didn’t see one that coming…
Left winger

Nani: Still wasteful, still unpicked for the big games, his time may be up.
Centre mid

Tom Huddlestone: His head got as big as gut apparently, never a good combo.
Centre mid

Joey Barton: Anyone really need an explanation?
Strikers:

Robbie Keane/Dimitar Berbatov: Continuing the Spurs theme of sorts, really at a combined £50 million plus a combined goals total of around about fuck all (Berbatov’s habit of scoring inconsequential goals late in the game has especially endeared him to Mark), there can be really no complaints folks.

Later, JJ

Best of 08/09... with 100% more John O'Shea than any other list you'll see

2009-05-14T20:18:00.005Z

Howaya folks,

Belated as it is (due mainly to an absolute balls of a week with work) this team of the season somehow feels a little more complete after last night’s game when United pretty much put the seal on a third title on the trot. For Liverpool fans, well it was kinda like the Shawshank Redemption in that it’s the hope that kills you. I also imagine a trip to Wigan to gain ultimate victory is a lot like the crawl through shit and piss that Andy Dufresne experienced during his escape to freedom. So, no end of parallels really.

Anyhoo, possible hate mail from Wigan folks aside, here’s my starting eleven of the season and, considering it’s pretty much how every side plays these days, it’ll have for be a four-four-one-one.

GK
Mark Schwarzer: I’d nearly have him the job simply because of the amount of Fantasy League points he’s gained my team this season but besides for that, in the real world he’s given Fulham’s back four plenty of confidence due to his outstanding form, and with the exception of the FA Cup defeat to United he’s been excellent whenever I watched him. Also, kudos for being an Aussie player and not being a fat money grabbing dick, ala Mark Viduka, Harry ‘Can we train tomorrow’ Kewell and Lucas Neill.

LB*
Stephen Warnock: One of the few Blackburn players who looked like they gave a shit the whole season long (what a shocker that Pederson started playing well when safety was nearly assured). He’s pushed Blackburn on forward from left back while saving their collective arses on lots of occasions so he deserves it.

RB
John O’Shea: He’s played all over the place for United this season and deserves to be on somebody’s team of the season. Considering his standing in the game, it’s fitting that this honour should come with a place on the team of the season of a drink-fuelled blog. Congrats Johnner, we always said you’d make it.

CB
Nemanja Vidic: Because he has to be in any team of the season, will be very interesting to see him line up against Torres next season. Could his capitulation to the Spaniard’s skills be his ‘Des Walker/Marc Overmars’ moment? Probably not, but it’ll be an intriguing match up anyway. Pretty much faultless otherwise this season and scored a big goal against Sunderland in injury time in the middle of winter when United weren’t exactly going all guns.

CB
Rio Ferdinand: Duck-billed brilliance. As soon as he was restored alongside Vidic they made United look pretty much unbeatable. The run of clean sheets midway through the season never would have happened without these two punters and while other central defenders have been good these two have been pretty much perfect for 95% of the time. As an added bonus, near faultless club form can only mean an international fuck up is just around the corner.

Left wing
Andrei Arshavin: He can’t understand why he’s playing on the left wing for Arsenal apparently, but I don’t care. Yes, I know he’s a late-comer to the season but frankly he’s been awesome nearly every time I’ve seen him play and has assumed a hugely important role in the way Arsenal put their side out. If Arsenal fans can have one major gripe with Arsene Wenger this year it’s not starting him against Chelsea in the FA Cup semi final. Shit singer though.

Centre mid
Xabi Alonso: For all the revisionists, go back 12 months and if you’d have asked most Liverpool supporters if they would swap Alonso for £15 million and get Gareth Barry for £18 million they would have gone for it. It was the wake up call Alonso needed and he’s been superb all year long. Solid beard action as well. Solid.

Centre mid
Danny Murphy: Absolutely brilliant every time I saw him play this year (and Fulham did seem to be on an inordinate amount of Super Sundays this season), his role in the side’s survival last year was overshadowed by the Cult of Bullard. No such issues this season. Absolute quality and still looks like ‘The Brain’ to Peter Crouch’s ‘Pinky’.

Right wing
Ronal…. , nah fuck it – Stephen Ireland: The Corkman has to be in there somewhere and, despite a poor showing on Sunday at Old Trafford he’s been City’s player of the season and while annoyingly he refuses to play for his country he can never, ever, ever be as annoying as the Portuguese prat from the second richest side in Manchester.

‘The hole’
Steven Gerrard: Blatantly obvious and I hate agreeing with Andy ‘only a little Scottish willy’ Gray but Gerrard has to get in the side.

Striker
Wayne Rooney: Fat balding git, great player though. Plus he’s played far more games than Torres so has to beat him to the award.

Supersub: Robinho: When he’s been up for it, the money grabbing team-name forgetting Brazilian has been fantastic and is just the man to bring on when this side is two to the good. Could organise a good Christmas party alongside Ferdinand as well. Probably.

‘Failed 11 on 08/09’ coming up in a few hours too…

Later folks, JJ

* Stephen Warnock was originally listed as a right back. I am an idiot. Think I was affected by the horrible memories of his terrible champions league performances for 'Pool a few years back. Onwards and upwards anyway.

Link-tastic alternative team of... well some other years

2009-05-13T11:25:00.003Z

Morning folks,

Before I pick a team of the season I thought I’d club together a team of seasons past for some YouTubeTainment. Not the greatest side of all time or anything, just frankly a load of good footballers, mainly from the ‘90s that anybody’s day would be improved by watching. It’s a three-five-two combo for maximum midfield genius effect, so for those with a go slow day in work get yourself some…

GK:
Packie Bonner: Forgive the somewhat dodgy soundtrack but that penalty save is buried somewhere in this nice bit of Reeling in the Years nostalgia. Quality keeper in his day too.

Right side of back three:
Lilian Thuram: Only barely retired (though considering my choice on the left wing that’s hardly an issue), this guy was a fantastic player. Played in an excellent Parma side alongside Cannavaro and Buffon, then the three eventually joined up to win shitloads at Juve. Okay, he may have had to give back a league medal or two thanks to yer man Moggi, but we won’t hold it against him.

Left side of back three:
Ronald Koeman: Fat chump of a manger who is working hard to ruin the memory of himself as a great player (see Michel Platini’s public standing for further reference). The truffle-shuffler could score free kicks though.

Centre back:
Roy Keane: I’m going to keep the Rolls in the garage (thank you Eamon Dunphy). Or, alternatively, Tony Adams as the poor fucker hasn’t had much luck this past year.

Holding midfielder:
Lothar Matthäus: Okay he wasn’t one in his peak but he became a decent holding midfielder before Makelele ‘invented’ the role, plus he always struck me as an absolute bastard which I admire in any German player. No one likes them anyway, so why not revel in it.

Right side, centre midfield:
Zvonimir Boban: He gon’ fuck you up muthhafukka! Alright Boban may well have gained notoriety for kicking a cop who was beating seven shades of shit out of a Dinamo Zagreb supporter, but this guy was a superb player, who played for Milan at their peak, winning four league titles. Never a great goal scorer but rarely mis-hit a pass. And he kicked an Eastern European cop for fuck sake, have some respect; they make bodies disappear for sport.

Left side, centre midfield
Peter Beardsley: Beyond the everlasting mystery of what exactly he did to his barber that led to that haircut; and indeed looking past the story that Craig Johnston was convinced to quit football after realising he didn’t want to end up anything like the Geordie; we should all remember that Beardsley was a superb player and a central part of one of the great Liverpool sides before a career renaissance in Kevin Keegan’s nearly great Newcastle team.

Right wing
Dejan Savićević: What a player. A long time ODF favourite, he was an integral part in the European Cup-winning Red Star Belgrade side that, thankfully, neither Rob Smyth nor Jonathan Wilson will let people forget about. Of course, he then went on to Milan where… well he was this good.

Left wing:
Ryan Giggs: Because the fucker ain’t getting in my team of the season so thought I’d throw him in with a load of legends. As a Liverpool fan, I hate that I can’t hate him.

Centre forward:
Marco can Basten: As obvious as it necessary, the poor guy had to retire years too early and now has to suffer the humiliation of admitting he’s just not very good at coaching after fairly poor spells with Holland and Ajax. His name should ensure at least one more top job though – Frank Rijkaard of course came from putting Sparta Rotterdam into the Dutch second division to somehow get the Barca job so anything is possible. Well some things are only possible if you’re Marco van Basten.

Centre forward:
Ronaldo: The real one, and the one from the 1996/97 season on this particular dream team.

Back with a slightly more humdrum team of this season later.

Cheers, JJ

Team of the Year

2009-05-11T15:38:00.002Z

As is the style of the times, I'm going with a popular formation, 4-2-3-1

GK - Jussi Jääskeläinen (Bolton) - a choice for consistent excellency. Schwarzer has used the Schwartz at Fulham but I've a soft spot for Jussi.

RB - Glen Johnson (Portsmouth) - surely a move beckons in the summer, Johnson has started to fulfil the promise that originally earned him a move to Chelsea, being as good going forward as in defence.

CB - Nemanja Vidic (MU) - rightly derided for a shocker vs Liverpool, but it was virtually his only bad performance of the season. Excellent.

CB - Phil Jagielka (Everton) - a bargain £4m buy from Sheffield United, the all rounder has established himself as an England international and a quality defender.

LB - Gael Clichy (Arsenal) - I'll resist the many tortuous analogies I'm tempted to put down here. Clichy wins due being the best in the Arsenal defence, by a mile, and because Evra has been inconsistent, and Ashley Cole is disqualified from this list, due to bias.

DM - Michael Essien (Chelsea) - I know, I know, he's hardly played, but he is so far above his contemporaries that he deserves inclusion.

DM - Xabi Alonso (Liverpool) - turns out the threat of being sold last summer was instrumental in turning his Liverpool career around, he edges out Carrick by a) being better, and b) getting tackled horrendously in seemingly every game

AMR - Ronaldo (MU) - OK he wasn't as good as last season, and had a slow start, in part due to injury but 26 goals in 50 games proves his worth.

AMC - Stevie G (Liverpool) - the almost impossible to like player is also almost impossible to stop. His timed runs, link up play and long range shooting ability make him one of the best around.

AML - Ryan Giggs - just joking. This is the hardest position to decide on, I spent a lot of time thinking about this (well, 5 minutes), Van Persie has been injured too much, Malouda is crap, Arshavin has played too little, Modric is in a bad team, & Young has trailed off dramatically. So I'm going to plump for Rooney, who has 20 goals in 45 appearances, and while he's not having a vintage season, beats the competition here.

FC - Fernando Torres - not much to say here, one of the best strikers in the world.

JJ should be around later in the week with his team.

Mark - ODF

Crash, bang, wallop

2009-05-07T10:10:00.006Z

Well folks,

Was it karma? Were they screwed over? How funny was Drogba at the end? How racist are Sky? The question marks keeping coming… your thoughts folks on one of the funniest nights of football in years if you hate Didier Drogba.

For blanket coverage by the way, here's some good links...

Superb and, at odds with most coverage, balanced minute-by-minute from Paul Doyle here.

Drogba losing it.

Ballack still chasing that pigeon.

Yankie Chelsea fan, having gone insane after last night, sings the Scrubs theme tune again and again...

Later, JJ

They are the resurrection…

2009-05-06T15:01:00.003Z

Woo-hoo! After months of turgid chat about Ronaldo and rabid ranting from Eamon on so many other topics that often brought Giles and Bill down to his level, the RTE panel are back from the dead.

Proper agro – check.
Riled Gilsey – check.
Unimpressed interloper – how are ya Graeme.

It had it all, enjoy!

As for tonight, after last week when I was disgusted by Chelsea (see below for more) I have a horrible feeling they’ll go through this evening by a 3-2 scoreline or maybe 2-1. It has to be better than last week though, after all Guus Hiddink is a tactical genius right?

It’s not as if the broadsheet writers who laud him at present praised Scolari for “brilliantly” using Deco at the start of the season or praised Avram Grant for bringing “harmony” to the dressing room towards the end of last season… oh wait.

To be honest, the more I’ve thought about Chelsea this past week the more it’s clear that there’s a nucleus of players at the club who are happy to take on a manager’s ideas for a certain time until it starts to go wrong, at which point all the toys are thrown out of the pram and, most likely, into a disabled parking spot.

Rant over, come on Barcelona, knock these bastards out!

Cheers, JJ

Cheap booze, sport on TV, hello weekend

2009-05-01T17:13:00.002Z

Hey folks,

Well on the back of buying twenty 25cl bottles of ‘premium French lager’ at Superquinn for €10, here’s a quick run through of how I see the Premier League panning out this weekend.

Saturday
Chelsea v Fulham: Finished 2-2 earlier on in the season and considering Chelsea may well rest a raft of stars for their, ahem, all out attacking policy next Wednesday, I can see Fulham getting a 1-1 draw here.
Man City v Blackburn: Fat Sam to be humiliated. Even more so than a normal day. Big style. 4-0.
Middlesbrough v Man Utd: Resting a lot of players, Boro tend to do well against the big sides, all the signs point towards… two-nil United. Watch out for little greaseball Kiko Macheeseball to score one.
Portsmouth v Arsenal: Jesus it’s been a long, long year for Portsmouth. It feels like about ten years ago that they won the FA Cup and a good long while since ‘Arry was ‘appy with his lot down there (“walkin the dogs is just triffic innit”). The threat of relegation seems to be gone so they should be fairly relaxed here against an Arsenal side that, like United and Chelsea, will rest plenty of the first team. Hoping for a decent 3-2 to Pompey.
Stoke v West Ham: God I hate Stoke, please let them be sucked into the relegation vortex. Please. Come on Gianfranco, do it for the game you love. 1-3.
Tottenham v West Brom: Steamroll action from Spurs. The kind of occasion they’re built for and therein lies the reason why, after three or four years of false dawns on the trot, very little will pick them to break into the top four next year. 3-0.
Wigan v Bolton: Eh… here’s a movie trailer to distract you. “I can feel it, comin’ in the air t’night…. Oh lord.” 1-1

Sunday
Liverpool v Newcastle: Much as it would be like Liverpool over the last decade to foul this up I reckon they’ll get a tight win with a few nervy moments. 2-1. Now, everyone together: “Let’s all laugh at Shearer! Let’s all laugh at Shearer! La la la la! Hey!”
Sunderland v Everton: Everton coming a little off the rails as the season comes to an end (they were hugely lucky Ferguson played the under-16s in the FA Cup semi final) so maybe a 1-0 for the home team.

Monday
Aston Villa v Hull: Bye, bye Hull. 2-0.

To end, an old favourite.

Later folks, JJ

Complex inferiority

2009-04-29T09:51:00.003Z

Whattup homz(s),

Forget Guus Hiddink’s rhetoric about Chelsea being on a level playing field as Barcelona in the past few weeks. After last night, the one thing anyone with eyes learned is that Chelsea are an inferior side to the Spanish team. They did what inferior sides do.

They did what Spurs did in 2005 against Chelsea at White Hart Lane, “parking the bus in front of the goal” as Jose Mourinho put it. They did what a Liverpool side (who were 33 points behind that same Chelsea side in the league that year) did in the Champions League semi final.

They did what Arsenal, despite what Arsene Wenger would protest, did against Real Madrid in the second leg of their last 16 game in 2006, having come away with a one-nil win at the Bernabéu. Inferior sides sit back, defend, hope for a lucky break, pile on the pressure at set pieces and generally hoof the ball as far away from the penalty box as possible as often as possible. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t. Most of the time it’s as ugly to look at as this.
Starting with Graeme Souness last night (who seems to be in the first fully blown lovers’ tiff with Eamonn Dunphy) and going on to some Chelski-loving English hacks and inevitably Sky’s entire panel, some fools will have you believe that what Chelsea did last night was simply play the way any away side does in Europe, which frankly is bollocks.

Chelsea’s last two visits to the Nou Camp in the Champions League were characterised by goals, controversy and at least some enterprising play from the away side. That’s what good away sides who consider themselves on a similar level to their opponents do. What Chelsea did last night however, should mean that everyone who actually likes watching football should hope they get thoroughly spanked back at Stamford Bridge next week. It was anti-football. It was puke football. It was fucking rugby.

Watch out for the Sky panel telling us this evening how this shows the Premier League is superior to La Liga. There may be other evidence to show this (Arsenal’s win over Villareal, Pool’s demolition of Real Madrid) but this wasn’t it. If the Premier League is a few shades above the Spanish top tier, why didn’t Chelsea show the world why the English league is better? Why didn’t they take on Barcelona once or twice?

Two of the few things that brightened up the game were the injury to Marquez and the suspension of Puyol. Not because I want Chelsea to win, but just that it gives the Londoners’ no excuse for failing to attack next week and perhaps the may even abandon their novel approach of playing four defensive midfielders, with Hiddink last night asking Lampard and Ballack to curb their attacking instincts and join Kalou sitting in front of John Terry and Alex, while also playing ‘right winger’ Michael Essien as almost a second right back.

Good luck to Chelsea but one other bright spot was that when you look through the team sheet at least there’s promise that this side don’t have too many years left in them. Besides for their trip to Anfield a few weeks back (which looks more and more like a complete fluke) it’s been years since Chelsea played any kind of decent football at the highest level, and players like Lampard, Terry, Carvalho, Drogba and Ballack will either move on or get worse at playing such shite against decent teams. Let’s hope for an early Barcelona goal next week and that it will also be the last time we see Hiddink’s side in Europe this season.

Then there’s tonight, and frankly I haven’t a notion what way this will go. There will be goals though so just for the sake of it, I’m putting a fiver on 2-2 (14/1) and hopefully we get a game that will erase nearly every memory of last night’s putrid shite from the team who were, quite aptly, in yellow*.

Later folks, JJ

*Apologies for the lame joke, couldn’t quite get down off that particularly high horse… this is funnier though.

PFA nominees receive 'all round meh' shocker

2009-04-14T15:37:00.010Z

Alright folks,

Another year, another round of nonsensical PFA nominees. Really, these fuckers all have the latest cars, iPhones, Danielle Lloyds and other noted accessories out there; can none of them send an email at the end of April then have their votes tallied up as opposed to posting back their nomination in February?

Bloody February.

All told, Rio Ferdinand and Steven Gerrard are the only ones who've had decent seasons from start to finish from those nominated, barring their time out with respective injuries. Though, then again you could argue that Gerrard has benefitted hugely from a startling upturn in the form of Xabi Alonso (who also has a case for a nomination) this season and that Ferdinand couldn’t cover a bad Vidic performance (versus Liverpool) in the same way that the Serbian has covered countless lapses from the duck-billed one in the past few seasons.

Then, of course, there’ll be those screaming for Frank Lampard, Marouane Fellaini, Kevin Davies, Mark Schwarzer (anyone with a Fantasy League team would put his name forward, points goldmine that he is) and assorted others from outside the list. The earnest Guardian article arguing for Phil Jagielka or Stephen Warnock can only be hours away.

However, the sight of Ronaldo in the final six is a testament to how little thought goes into filling out the nomination form. Thinking about it actually… do you think John Paintsil gives a shit about this? Do you think Tim Cahill gives a toss? Does anyone believe that David ‘I’m Great Me’ Bentley didn’t just reel off a few regular names and go about his business for the day when asked to fill out the form?

These footballers, and so many more, got the PFA letter through the post then dictated a few names down the phone to their agent before forgetting the whole thing ever happened.

Agent: “We need another name David…”

Bentley: “Ahm… hmmm, I’m teeing off at three… eh… fuck it, Ronaldo”.

Cue the “well the fact that my fellow professionals have voted for this means so much” speech from whichever one of the nominees gets this and the circle of nonsense is complete. Gordon Taylor is generally lambasted in the press for his running of the PFA but in this case any criticism is certainly justified.

When a union leader who is on close to £1 million a year in salary can’t organise a fucking vote amongst several hundred members you really have to question if he has the brains of a Guinness shit, never mind what's expected of a man leading one of the most important organisations in football.

Idiot. Idiotic list. That is all.

Later, JJ

(Note: No Champions League predictions this week as I’m currently in a state of optimism so any scoreline I throw out will frankly be ridiculous and quite rightly ridiculed tomorrow.)

S'up, Phat Pat and predictions

2009-04-08T13:55:00.003Z

Heya folks,

A few months back we showed you this image of everyone’s favourite jabbering monkeyboy moron Pat Dolan stuffing his face in Burger King (and as Parrotbait noted, he’s so cheap he didn’t even pay for his Coca Cola where the burger is king).

While that was funny, methinks what we have below tops it. Homeboy Pat hanging out with Mick Wallace, Kevin Doyle and Shane Long looking like the dad of one of the white drug dealers in the second season of The Wire.

Note: If you’re the oddest looking fella in a picture with Mick Wallace that’s quite the achievement, but Phat Pat does it with aplomb. Please let one of the Setanta texters bring this up during tonight’s match.

On the subject of this evening, my quick predictions are 3-1 to Liverpool leaving things in the balance for the second leg somewhat, while I’ll go for Barcelona to beat Bayern 4-2. Fuck the Budget, I’m heading for the pub.

Enjoy the games folks, JJ

CL Fun

2009-04-07T14:15:00.004Z

Howdy Folks,
are we are all looking forward to the upcoming month and a half of wall-to-wall football?

I certainly am, so lets crack straight in to some CL talk.

Man Utd vs Porto

Apparently some guy scored or something for United the other day, not much was made about it even though he's obviously the best 30 year old looking, bad hairdo'd player in the world right now. And some Italian Neil Mellor-type scored also. Some sections of the media have been bigging up Porto, and they're certainly better than Villa (Lucho Gonzalez is better than Moustapha Salifou, for example...) but their long odds to beat the holders is a fair reflection of their ability. Expect a semi-open chance fest until United score late in the first half and kill the game off. 2-0.

Villarreal vs Arsenal

Ho ho, that Senna chap can play football, lets pretend we're a bunch of football intellectuals and proclaim him as the best thing since Makelele. If there's one thing that really gets on my wick it's the whole 'I know Rooney scored a hat-trick but did you see the way Fletcher ran around kicking people?' business. I love Fletch, as any Man Utd fan should, but the disturbing trend of hailing destroyers must stop. Most expect this game to be a faster version of the lame Simpsons soccer pisstake and who am I to buck convention? Arsenal's frailties to be exposed, but they should grab an away goal - 2-1.

Mark,
ODF

Goal of the weekend plus Commies on the defensive

2009-04-06T13:33:00.003Z

Heya folks,

Just in case you didn’t see it, here’s Wolfsburg’s fifth (fifth!) goal against Bayern Munich at the weekend. It’s a great finish from Brazilian striker Grafite and it’s how the ball slowly slips over the line that’s the clincher. Pure class – it’s gets even better on the replays.

Good luck against Barcelona this week, Jurgen and co.

Oh, and after the goal of the weekend here’s the story of the day as North Korea accuse South Korea of poisoning their players before last week’s World Cup qualifier in Seoul. Of course they did lads. Does this story provide a good enough excuse to insert some clips of North Korea-baiting Team America? Well I already have, so fuck yeah it does.

Later, JJ

ODF 04 April Podcast Online

2009-04-04T20:44:00.002Z

Hi All,
Like Alan Shearer we're back in the game, and just like the sharp-elbowed one, we ain't at the top no more. But we decided to come back and do a podcast.

So, here's the details:

Premier League Results
CL Fixtures
Pub Talk
AOB - including a full discussion of Ireland

Download it or check out the feed

Mark & JJ,
ODF