A&M Partnership Blog

2009-02-26T09:18:00.001-08:00

Bristol Palin: “Everyone Should be Abstinent”
By Scott Phelps, A&M Partnership

Unfortunately, many media outlets chose to headline one phrase out of context rather than giving fair representation of the teenager’s comments. What Bristol Palin really said was: “Kids should just wait…. I think everyone should be abstinent…” She continues, “but it’s not realistic at all because it’s more and more accepted now.”

In a two-part interview with Fox News’ Greta Van Susteren, on February 16th and 17th, 2009, Bristol Palin openly shared her thoughts about teen pregnancy and the challenges of caring for her newborn son while expressing support for abstinence among teens.

The Associated Press, among others, ran with the banner: Palin’s Daughter Says Abstinence “Not Realistic.” However, Bristol was actually encouraging kids to choose abstinence, and expressing concern that there is very little support for abstinence today.

Bristol hopes that stories like hers will help deter teens from sex – that is – choose abstinence. When asked if she would have preferred to wait a year or two, she responds by saying it would be better to wait 10 years. “Because it's so much easier if you're married and if you have a house and a career and -- it's just so much easier,” explained Bristol.

Bristol’s comments illustrate the need for increased support of the abstinence message for teens. It is indeed a high standard, but a message that teens needs to hear. The media would better serve America’s youth by choosing to highlight Bristol Palin’s actual message that in spite of today’s many pressures, “waiting for marriage” is the best choice for today’s teens.

2009-02-26T09:11:00.000-08:00

2007-04-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

Friday's Oprah Show (4/6/2007)
Reviewed by Diane Sollee founder/director of the Smart Marriage Conferences

I'm baffled. We all realize Oprah's incredible power and influence and if you watch the show you know that she cares deeply about girls and women and, really, about all living things. We know that the last thing she'd want to do is present information that would do damage -in the short or long run.

We also know she has a huge staff - and they must have every resource and access to vast information. That's why Friday's (4/6/07) show leaves me totally baffled.

They used a new format. Oprah sat on stage alone and discussed "news" items with the audience. The item that generated the most discussion was the stat taken from the Jan 07 NY Time's article and flashed onscreen as a talking point: "51% of Women Single". Oprah explained that in America single women now outnumber married women for the first time ever. No correction or explanation about how these numbers were calculated or that this info has since been corrected, even bythe NY Times - that the author came up with the 51% which was defined as women "living alone" and included women whose husbands were working out of state or out of the country; deployed to Iraq, Afghanistan, Korea or elsewhere; or in prison. It also didn't explain that the 51% included 10 million little girls "15, 16, 17...." andwomen who had outlived their husbands and are now "living alone" but after long marriages.

It was presented on Oprah as though 51% of women aren't marrying. An audience member expressed concern saying that she thought marriage was important for the community and for children and concerned that due to celebrity marriages and devaluing marriage, this trend might grow. Oprah said she wasn't concerned, said she saw the trend as "evolution".

Oprah next introduced a 39-year old audience member and in her intro explained how happy this women was in her single state - how much she was enjoying her single life, dating, and sex. The women then absolutely glowed and quivered as she talked about how wonderful her life was - that she could do whatever she wanted. This was greeted with beaming and applause. No mention of the fact that over 90% of our daughters still say it is their goal to marry and have children. No one asked this woman how she felt about never having children.

Then another "new" stat was flashed on screen: "70% of Black Women are Single". Oprah expressed amazement: "Who Knew??!". Much discussion ensued with Oprah's strong advice/solution being that because of the huge disparity between the numbers of Black women and available Black men, Black women must not be waiting around to marry a Black man. That was the root of the problem. She said she's been preaching this to all her girlfriends, like Gayle for years - that they have to 'get real' and be willing to marry non-Black men. An agitated Black women in the audience explained that she was very happily married to a Black man, and exhorted Black mothers to raise marriageable Black sons, and then introduced her 33 year old brother who was sitting beside her, whom she said was very marriageable.

Another woman stood up to express her concern that the discussion was disparaging marriage and said how wonderful her marriage was and how important it was to her happiness. Oprah allowed that, yes, there are some good Black men and marriages BUT asked the woman - aren't you and aren't all of us glad that we now have a choice. That back in the day, women had to be married to have lives. They went to college to find a husband. Now we don't have to marry or have arranged marriages to have wonderful lives. And, then she repeated what she says so often, that she's got a perfectly wonderful Black man but it is her CHOICE not to marry. She did a show earlier in the year where she made a declaration that she would never marry because, as the theme of that show spelled out, a woman is in great danger of losing herself and her individuality - who she is -in a marriage.

No one on Friday's show mentioned the co-incidence that 70% of ofBlack children born out of wedlock - most, of course, fathered byBlack men. The only mention of children was by a concerned audiencemember to the effect that marriage was good for raising children. This remark was countered by Oprah with "we all know it takes avillage, a community, to raise children" - affirmed with muchapplause. No discussion or question was raised about how many of the70% of liberated, unmarried Black women were struggling single mothers or the correlations with out-of-wedlock birth rate. The staff is asleep at the wheel. This is evolution? This is what CHOICE is about?

I keep saying it's not just the lack of good information about marriage but the mis-information that's killing us. And, it's the media that provides the info and creates our combined cultural understanding of the benefits of marriage and understanding about why and how marriage succeeds or fails. I cannot understand why Oprah's staff would leave her out there dangling in the wind presenting such misleading information. Why they wouldn't her staff give Oprah an updated explanation of the 51% stat and, instead, just let her go on the air and look ignorant?! Or, with her strong concern about helping GIRLS, why wouldn't they give Oprah the overwhelming research on the benefits of stable marriages on the future health, happiness, and well-being of our girls and their children?! As I said, I'm baffled. Maybe the whole Marriage Initiative grant money should have gone to help Oprah's staff bone up on research. I'm convinced her show has more effect than all our programs combined.

And, WHY don't they book Diann Dawson, director of the African American Healthy Marriage Initiative and sponsor of plays, hip hop songs, and convener of research panels and think tanks on strengthening Black Marriage? Why don't they do a show on Nisa Muhammad's crusading effort to found Black Marriage Day - established in 2002 and now celebrated annually in cities all across the Country?? Nisa - as a working single mother of five kids decided we can turn the epidemic of out-of-wedlock births and struggling single mothers around - she decided to do something forALL women and children and she certainly deserves one of Oprah's Angel Network contributions. Or Rozario Slack and Nisa, creators ofthe Basic Training program for Black Singles and Couples. Give them a chance to teach the basics on the show. Give Rozario a platform to talk about the "marriageability" of Black men and give his "Message to Our Sons".

Or, speaking of THE SECRET, feature Kay Hymowitz and her book "Marriage and Caste in America" with it's clear and logical explanation of what the growing Marriage Gap is doing to our children- that the great divide in health, wealth and well-being boils down to who marries and who doesn't. Oprah should be teaching her audiencethe facts: Finish high school, marry before having a child, do not have a child until you are 20, and your chances of being poor are only 8 percent! That should be her mantra. And it's the real SECRET- the secret is NOT about positive, wishful thinking - about wishing on a star and hoping you'll attract good things. It's about having a "north star" plan by which you can organize your life to have it all - education, love, marriage, AND kids. Oprah needs to teach that doing things in the right order - in the right sequence -is THE SECRET. It's key. It's crucial. (For those of you that don't know Oprah has single-handedly put the book "The Secret" at the top of the charts and revived a Norman Vincent Peale 'positive thinking' frenzy.)

Or, when she does her shows about the sexual abuse of children (another Oprah crusade) her staff should help her present the research on how much more likely it is that children will be abused if they are not living with their biological father. The stats are overwhelming and make clear that we'd get much further in reducing sexual abuse by keeping daddies in the home than by putting predators in jail. It's true of Oprah's own story - she lived with her single-parent mom and was abused by a male relative.

This is all information that Oprah's audience desperately NEEDS.

I knew this front page NY Times article "51% Living Single" was going to have legs, but guess I wasn't aware of how far it would run us in the wrong direction. I thought with all the corrections and discussion in the press it would fade away. Now, having been amplified by the Oprah lens this MIS-information is now beamed into the brains of millions of young women around the planet. And, the horror is that it was presented in a celebratory manner: "evolution" - progress for women.
###

For analysis of the NY Times article, in case you missed it here are just two: http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/2007-January/003260.html http://lists101.his.com/pipermail/smartmarriages/2007-January/003263.html

2007-02-20T13:24:00.000-08:00

Do we have a winner?

WMBI radio in Chicago is giving away 6 tickets to “Restoring The Dream” in Chicago, courtesy of A&M Partnership.

Scott Phelps, Executive Director of A&M, was just interviewed on WMBI radio about the upcoming “Restoring The Dream” conference next Wednesday. Scott talked about the necessity of equipping teachers, youth workers, and parents to talk to teens about abstinence and prepare them for a healthy, future marriage.

“Abstinence and marriage need to be taught together like peanut butter and jelly,” said Scott explaining why A&M Partnership is bringing in marriage experts Maggie Gallagher and Glenn Stanton to equip educators with the marriage message.

You may have missed your opportunity to win free tickets from WMBI, but you still have time to register for the highly anticipated “Restoring The Dream.” Registration and scholarship deadline is Friday, February 23.

2007-02-07T06:52:00.000-08:00

Restoring The Dream: Phoenix

Educators, youth workers, and parents from all across Arizona arrived in Phoenix for “Restoring The Dream,” a one-day conference to equip educators with the message of marriage.

“I came here today not knowing what to expect, but I have walked away with a wealth of information,” said Candace Woods, an abstinence educator in Phoenix. “My passion and desire to educate others on building strong and successful marriages and families was rekindled.”

Nationally-known authors and speakers Scott Phelps, Maggie Gallagher, and Glenn T. Stanton were the featured lecturers inspiring attendees to carry the message to teens. “I am excited to be a part of such an important education effort. The A&M Partnership is strategically and effectively making the connection between sexual wholeness and marriage and showing others how to teach this,” said Glenn T. Stanton, author of Why Marriage Matters.

Between speakers Joel and Sofia Gonzalez of Caris Prevention Services in Chicago demonstrated creative ways to teach marriage to teens. “Marriage is like a house,” explained Joel while constructing a house out of Styrofoam blocks labeled love, sex, friendship, and marriage. “The house can only stand when the blocks are in the healthiest order,” he continued, arranging the blocks with friendship as the base, then love, marriage, and sex.

“Abstinence education is on the front lines of helping to build healthy, future marriages. Our goal is to help teens avoid the many potential negative consequences of sexual activity,” explained Scott Phelps, executive director of A&M Partnership and author of several popular abstinence curricula including Aspire and Excel.

The “Restoring The Dream” tour will continue to Chicago on February 28 and Philadelphia on March 28. Registrations and scholarship opportunities are still available for both conferences.

2007-01-22T07:28:00.000-08:00

“Just an old sweet song, keeps Georgia on my mind…”

You could almost hear the music of Ray Charles, and Georgia’s state song, at the Aspire training in Macon at the Georgia Music Hall of Fame on January 9. The room was filled with more than 100 educators, abstinence workers, and health professionals for the day-long training by Scott Phelps, author of Aspire abstinence curriculum.

What did the Georgians think of Aspire?

“The training most definitely met my expectations. I now have enough knowledge and tools to set up the program and succeed.” Sandra Walker
“Aspire effectively helps the kids think and reason out issues, pressures and reality of choices. It puts the ball in their court and shows them the choice is theirs! Speaker (Scott Phelps) was phenomenal! Very engaging!” Ellie Grimes
“I liked the sequential way the workbook makes the student think about their life choices, and the effective way Scott Phelps presents the message.” Monica Walters
“Scott Phelps is extremely knowledgeable of the subject and gave several hands-on activities to use with students.” Tyshiba Maxie

Danielle Ruedt, Title V Director for Georgia, said, “Aspire is an easy to follow program. This is something an organization can implement without a lot of money. I would like grantees to consider this curriculum.”

Click here to write Aspire into your grant. Don’t forget to check the training page to find a training near you.

“…Just an old sweet song, keeps Georgia on my mind…”

2007-01-09T14:16:00.000-08:00

New Year’s Resolutions

The calendar date becomes January 1 and the world resolves to do things different. Many people pledge to lose weight, become physically fit, and watch what they eat. Others make plans to spend more quality time with their family, and some check their bank accounts and vow to spend less money in 2007.

While it’s good to reflect upon the last year of our life and make changes for the year ahead, I can’t help but think about some of my friends and family members… what if I could make a resolution for them? Not that I think in particular something is wrong or bad in their life, but often times I see a purpose for them greater than they believe they can attain. I have hope for their lives to make a difference in the world, even when they may be lacking that hope.

What resolutions would you make for the people in your life? Your family, friends, co-workers, students, teachers, even your boss? What if we could make a resolution for abstinence education? What would that look like?

I was researching some statistics about abstinence education and found several facts about what parents want their children taught in school.

Over 90 percent of parents want sex education programs to teach teens to abstain at least until they have finished high school.
91 percent of parents want teens to be taught that the best choice is for sexual intercourse to be linked to love, intimacy, and commitment. These qualities are most likely to occur in a faithful marriage.
79 percent of parents want teens to be taught that they should not engage in sexual activity until they are married or at least in an adult relationship leading to marriage.
68 percent of parents want sex education programs to teach that individuals who are not sexually active until they are married have the best chances of marital stability and happiness.
Only 7 percent of parents say it is okay for teens to have sex as long as they use contraception.
Only 2 percent of parents believe abstinence is not important.

What did you teach the teenagers in your life over the last year? I have worked with many teens over the last few years, but I wonder if sometimes I leave out an important message.

Research statistics found at http://www.heritage.org/Research/Abstinence/wm461.cfm.

2006-12-20T12:24:00.000-08:00

Valerie Huber's Response to New Guttmacher Report

A study released yesterday indicates that most Americans do not wait until they marry before engaging in sex. This report, due to be released in a peer review journal, was conducted by the Guttmacher Institute, an anti-abstinence group.

Critics are sure to use this study as proof that abstinence until marriage education is out of touch with reality. However, the fact that most Americans engage in premarital sex only emphasizes the necessity of this educational strategy.

By way of comparison, consider the push by nutritionists and the US Dept of Agriculture (USDA) to encourage healthy diets. Virtually everyone is familiar with the food pyramid and the need to eat plenty of fruits and vegetables. However, the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition recently released a study that indicates that the average American accrues 1/3 of his daily calorie intake through junk food. Does this information make the efforts of the USDA and others useless? On the contrary, it only emphasizes the great need for education, skill building and redoubled strategies to encourage healthy eating.

The same is true for abstinence education. While it may be true that most Americans engage in premarital sex at some point in their single lives, the fact of the matter remains that the healthiest decision (for both the individual and children born to that individual) is by saving sex for marriage. The longer the individual delays sex, the less likely they are to acquire STDs or unwittingly place a child at risk for poverty by giving birth as a single parent.

Similar to the approach for healthy eating, abstinence until marriage education is increasingly more vital as a public health strategy.

Valerie Huber

2006-12-19T09:00:00.000-08:00

Parent Workshops

Are you having trouble with getting parents to come to your Parent Workshops? Try some of these ideas from Illinois abstinence groups:

Student/parent simultaneous trainings: Have a short joint session, then break out into different rooms for specific training.
Parent meeting during student activity (e.g. during Jr. High dance).
Student/parent joint meeting with task, puzzle, or a problem for the family to do together.
Offer free family Christmas photographs after your workshop.
Student performance – poetry, drama, or music on abstinence theme.
“Inside” another pre-existing event (15 minutes at half-time, beginning, or end of game).
Pre-session workshop before beginning classroom abstinence program to communicate content of upcoming classes.
Have Case workers relay pertinent information to their clients during personal meetings with individual parents.
Mother/daughter and Father/son meetings (Beauty/"facials", sports figures/hunting tips).

When you have the Parent Workshop make sure to speak on interactive, relevant, cutting edge subjects such as:

Internet: pornography, sexual perpetrators, myspace.com
Music: What do those lyrics mean?
What can an iPod really do?
Text messaging
Teen sexual trends in your area
HPV shot as advertised on TV (is it like getting the measles?)

Have you tried any of these for your Parent Workshop? If you have other ideas, please leave us a comment with more suggestions.

2006-12-18T08:48:00.000-08:00

In The News

A&M Partnership strives to be a resource in providing current and relevant research, articles, and facts in the fields of abstinence and marriage. To find new information check the Research page on our website. We post the most recent articles at the top of the page so they are easier to find.

Abstinence and Marriage have both been talked-about topics recently.

What do the facts say?
Why is marriage important in teaching abstinence?
Why is abstinence important in preparing for marriage?
What are the trends in teen pregnancy and out-of-wedlock pregnancy?
Are we making progress?

Read some articles on the Research page (www.ampartnership.org/research.html). Leave a comment on the blog and let us know what you think.

2006-10-30T14:51:00.000-08:00

Sweet Home Alabama!

October 25 A&M held an Aspire training session in Birmingham Alabama. Normally our limit is about 50 people for each training. But somehow registration skyrocketed to 80 people before we were able to make any changes. Despite the logistics of having a not-quite-big-enough room, the training went very well!

Did the training meet your expectations?
"Yes! [Scott Phelps] motivates me to continue communicating a difficult but important topick," explained Sue Taylor.
"Yes. The information was well presented and [Scott Phelps] did a great job of interacting with professionals," said Bridgett White.

Scott Phelps, the presenter at the Alabama training, is also the author of Aspire. A&M is hosting training sessions for abstinence educators all over the country. Check our training schedule for a location near you, and get your registration in early because spots are filling quickly!

2006-10-27T08:16:00.000-07:00

What is "abstinence?"
Abstinence is choosing to save all sexual activity for marriage.

What is "sexual activity"?
Sexual activity includes any type of genital contact or sexual stimulation.

Abstinence is the only sure way to protect your body, mind, and heart from the various consequences of premarital sexual activity, and it is the safest, healthiest lifestyle.

The choices you make today, no matter who you are, will affect your future. Over 90% of high school seniors say it is important to them to have a good marriage and family life. How do you accomplish that? Abstinence is one of the best ways to prepare for a healthy, future marriage.

What does that mean for you?
Have you chosen abstinence?
Have your students chosen abstinence?
Has your family chosen abstinence?
Have your friends chosen abstinence?

2006-10-19T07:11:00.000-07:00

Aspire Training Workshops

Maybe you teach abstinence to teenagers already and are looking for more material to use in your classroom. Or, maybe you want to teach students about abstinence, but you don't know how to start. The Aspire Teacher Training Workshops could be your answer.

Scott Phelps, author of Aspire, is traveling to every state in the country to train educators and other interested individuals about how to teach teenagers about the benefits of abstinence till marriage and giving them practical instruction for a healthy, future marriage. Scott goes through each chapter in the Aspire curriculum using humor, interactive activities, discussion, and the latest facts and research in the field. Whether you are interested in teaching Aspire or learning more about the abstinence field, check out the training schedule to see when we will be in your area.

Oh, I almost forgot the best part... the trainings are F R E E ! In fact, we even give you stuff: continental breakfast, lunch, and a copy of Aspire. Could it get any better than that?!

2006-10-16T08:15:00.000-07:00

Aspire: Live your life. Be free.

Aspire, written by Scott Phelps, is one of the curriculum workbooks we use to teach high school students about the benefits of abstinence till marriage and how the choices students make now will affect their future. Aspire is designed to help students think through some of the most important decisions in their lives. Specifically, it is designed to help students resist the many pressures pushing them towards sexual activity by making wise choices. Aspire is about learning to resist the power of the present, and choosing instead to pursue future freedom. If this is your desire, Aspire can help to strengthen your resolve. If you're not sure what you should do, Aspire can help you in considering this very important decision.

Aspire is being used in many schools across the country, as well as after school programs, and other organizations. If you are interested in learning more about Aspire, check out our website or call us toll-free (www.ampartnership.org / 877-290-9248). If you are currently using Aspire, let us know if you have good activities that correspond with the material, or what your students think about it.

Aspire. Live your life. Be free.

2006-10-05T08:58:00.000-07:00

Welcome to the A&M Partnership blog! This will be a source of:

new facts and statistics related to abstinence education,
activities that relate to teaching the curriculum, Aspire or Excel,
interesting articles, and
a place where you can ask questions or share your comments.

We want the A&M Blog to be a helpful resource. Be sure to check back often for updates, and let us know what you think. To start it off, what do you think of our new website?

Thanks,

The A&M Team