Butch Jamie

Day of Decision part 2

2009-06-06T00:08:00.000-07:00

Here are a few more photos from the rally/protest last week -

A special memorial was set up on the corner of Crescent Heights and Santa Monica Blvd., a small pocket park known as Matthew Shepard Human Rights Triangle Park. Women dressed as angels stood in front of pictures of GLBT people who have been victims of brutal hate crimes, including Matthew Shepard, Brandon Teena, and several others.

Related posts -

And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History
The Eve of Justice

Day of Decision

2009-05-27T02:14:00.000-07:00

As I'm sure you know by now, yesterday the CA Supreme Court ruled that Prop 8 will remain valid, while the 18,000 same-sex marriages performed last year will also remain valid.

GLBT organizations are already starting a campaign to put an initiative on the ballot in 2010 that will repeal Prop 8. In the meantime, they are recruiting volunteers to go door-to-door to talk to voters about the issue. According to one volunteer I spoke with, they have already changed the minds of 15% of the population. I don't have anything to substantiate this claim, but it would be excellent if true...

Last night I attended the West Hollywood rally and march. Celebrity sightings included Drew Barrymore and Kathy Griffin (I saw Kathy but not Drew). I heard there were 5,000 people in attendance, which is considered a good turnout (although if you compare that to the number of people who attend L.A. Pride, there's a huge discrepancy). The thing that struck me the most was the lack of energy I felt compared to the protests that followed the passage of Prop 8 last November. When I arrived, the rally (which means an organized thing with speakers) was going on and while a huge segment of people had broken off to go march/protest, the police were blocking the road so we all just sort of stood around idly for an hour until we could get through (after that it got dark, so I had trouble getting good photos).

Nevertheless, everyone seems to be looking forward to the prospects in 2010. And there are so many other politically promising things going on around the country for GLBT rights - the "don't ask, don't tell" policy has been brought to the forefront and may change under Obama's term in office, the Oregon Senate just passed legislation that protects GLBT students in schools, New York and New Jersey have been making headway on same-sex marriage legislation, some recent success has happened with hate crime legislation that protects GLBT people, D.C. started recognizing same-sex marriages from other states a couple of months ago, we had a recent marriage victory in Maine - so much is going on across the country, it's hard to keep up. But one thing is certain - things are moving, and quickly.

I have some more photos I will post soon. In the meantime, check out my favorite sign below, on the far right -

The GAYme Show Network

2009-05-19T19:58:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday I videotaped some red carpet interviews for the first annual Game Show Network Awards. A friend of mine does freelance work as an interviewer/on-screen personality for various events, and he asked me if I could shoot some interviews for him. I've never shot a red carpet before, and it was actually quite fun.

While there were several cameras trying to get interviews (we weren't affiliated with the network - they had their own crew), we managed to talk to a good amount of people - the goth couple from "Amazing Race," the kids from "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?", a lady from the show "The Office," the host from "Dancing with the Stars," a lady from "Mad TV," one of the "Brady Bunch" guys (OK, so you can tell I'm not a "name" person), Cloris Leechman, Carnie Wilson, George Wallace, and I think Melissa Rivers. Bob Barker was also somewhere to be found, as was Alan Thicke from "Growing Pains," but we didn't get a chance to interview them.

Since I don't have a TV, I didn't know that Ross the Intern is now a host on the network (not that I would know that if I did have a TV, but I guess you never know).

I didn't recognize him at first and I couldn't help but think how interesting it was that they had this flaming queer as a host (he's no "Anderson Cooper," if you know what I mean).

But he's definitely a cutie, and props to the GSN for bringing him on board. Game shows are already so gay - it's about time they start embracing this rather than casting overly-sexed straight men (have you seen the old "Family Feud" shows where the host actually kisses all the women contestants on the lips? Talk about EWW, gross, sexual harassment, and herpes).

The awards show airs June 6th, and is hosted by Howie Mandel. You can even vote for your favorites on their website here. (Actually, I just went to the site and voting is closed, which of course makes sense since they already gave out the awards, but you can still take a look at the nominees).

And in typical game show style, as a parting gift for the event, we got to take home a box of good ol' fashioned rice-a-roni.

-

Erasing the "Huh?" from Abstract Art

2009-05-13T01:15:00.000-07:00

I recently visited the MOCA (Museum of Contemporary Art) for the first time and loved it. If you go, go to the downtown location on Grand Ave. The MOCA has two other locations in L.A. besides the one on Grand - one is currently closed, and the other one is in WeHo next to the Pacific Design Center.

The WeHo one is free but it only has one small room that at this time has only one large piece of art (seen below).

I was ready to go in about 2 minutes, but my Dad sat and stared at it for at least thirty. It was actually quite cute - he would look at it with a very pensive look on his face, scanning it as if doing some sort of mathematical equation in his head.

After that, we headed over to the one downtown. Below is the sculpture they have out front, made from the parts of planes and other industrial things.

The exhibit inside was great - they have a temporary exhibit from one artist and a more permanent collection from several different ones. The best part was the tour we went on for the temporary exhibit - it really gave us a perspective on how to look at the art and what ideas the artist was exploring with his work. What I learned most from the tour was learning how to appreciate art as an experience and not necessarily as an intellectual exercise.

For example, when looking at a Jackson Pollock (the guy who dribbles paint on a canvas), don't necessarily think "What does this mean? What is the artist trying to say?" Look at it and feel something - the passion, the energy, the movement. The way the artist seems to erase all barriers between himself and his work - his experience painting it becomes what we see in the work. Of course, there's more to his notoriety in terms of doing something groundbreaking in the history of art, but I think the art should be more than just something "never done before." I think what matters is how I feel when I look at it, and any art class I've taken has always shied away from teaching that. I understand that you can't tell me what to feel, but it helps to be guided through the process by which we can discover what we feel, other than a simple - "Huh?"

When the process of looking at art starts to become an exploration of an experience, taking an idea and playing with it, being delighted by it, surprised, amused, entertained, or curious, it begins to resonate for me. As with the pottery exhibit in the picture above, I looked at it and just saw pottery - my Dad had an experience. Just as I started to have an experience as I explored an exhibit downtown that was comprised of glass, mirrors, and reflections - it's as if you start rediscovering and looking at the world as a child - everything is new and different. And when I go back to the MOCA I will be sure to take a tour of a new exhibit to gain some more perspective on the whole thing.

The Stories That Affect Us

2009-04-27T00:29:00.000-07:00

I was at a meeting today and there was a man in his 40s - heterosexual, rational, and in control. He started to tell us a story about personal growth.

When he was a teenager, he and and his buddies used to beat up gay men and men who were effeminate. Where he grew up, it was one of those things you "just did," and he said he was actually afraid of gay people, a true homophobe.

When he went to college, he attended NYU, an excellent school smack dab in the middle of one of the largest gay meccas - the West Village. Arriving for the first time, he walked out of the subway and into Washington Square only to discover thousands of gay men walking around. He told himself he had two options - beat them (literally), or join them (figuratively). And he knew the only logical choice was to try to overcome his fears.

In time, he got to know them, and he came to have a very close group of gay friends. When AIDS hit, he lost many friends to the disease and it affected him deeply.

Then he said - "These people were so loving, so caring, and so accepting," and he stopped for a moment as he started to cry, "and the world hates them."

I was taken off-guard by his story and his emotion, and I stared at the floor to focus myself. I focused on hearing his words and feeling his sentiment. And I started to cry as well.

Not necessarily because the world does hate us, but because of the shame he seemed to have felt for having been loved by his enemy. At the complete injustice he feels for a group of people to which it appears he has nothing to gain from fighting for. And for the sheer beauty of the power that love has to transform people.

It's Rainin' Gays

2009-04-23T00:52:00.000-07:00

While tax day has come and gone and is now just a brief, distant memory, I wanted to direct you to my friend Brenda's blog post about it, as she protested for "Equal Taxes, Equal Rights" at the post office during her lunch break. Since the official protest was canceled due to lack of support, she went by herself despite fears of being alone and possibly becoming an easy target for someone. Her story is both moving and inspirational and can be found here.

In response to the anti same-sex marriage video the "Gathering Storm," (a ridiculous ad that perpetuates fear and myths surrounding gay marriage) Funny or Die (the folks who brought us "Prop 8 the Musical") responded with their own video, "A Gaythering Storm," seen below.

A Gaythering Storm from Jane Lynch

HOLLYWOOD Land

2009-04-17T00:03:00.000-07:00

Last week I did a small video shoot up in the hills near the Hollywood sign. It was an interview for Environment California, and we wanted a nice view of the trees and hills. While it's illegal to hike to the sign, you can get fairly close, and there's a nice view from the top.

Some interesting facts about the sign, compliments of wikipedia -

- Originally constructed in 1923 out of wood, it was so badly deteriorated by 1978 that all the letters were replaced with white-painted steel; at that time, each letter cost $27,777 to replace, which was half the amount of an average-priced house.

- Nine people donated money for the restoration, with each person being connected to a letter. Gene Autry is the second L, Hugh Hefner is the Y, Andy Williams is the W, Alice Cooper (in memory of Groucho Marx) is the third O.

-The original sign was put up for sale on eBay in 2005 (although I don't know what it sold for)

- A motion sensor and closed circuit cameras were installed in 2000, and notifies the police of any movement within 50 yards

- The shape of the hills give it its wavy appearance, but when observed at a comparable altitude, the letters appear straight-across

The Pursuit of Family

2009-04-13T21:33:00.000-07:00

(billboard in West Hollywood)

As usual, it's been far too long since I last wrote. While I don't claim to be an up-to-date news blog, it is of course worth mentioning the great success we have recently had with the passage of same-sex marriage in Iowa and Vermont!

Vermont was the first state to do so with a legislative vote (as opposed to the court deciding), overriding Gov. Jim Douglas' veto of the same-sex marriage legislation. This happened nine years (has it already been nine years?) after they became the first state in the country to offer a civil unions law. Iowa and Vermont now join Massachusetts and Connecticut as the four states that allow same-sex marriage.

As for California, the word on the street is that experts believe the CA Supreme Court will not declare Prop 8 unconstitutional (i.e. no same-sex marriage), although we won't know for sure for another month or two. And the right wing is already planning a Prop 8-ish vote in Iowa.

While this will no doubt continue to be a tennis match for quite some time, there is still a lot to be proud of. This is only the beginning of the "post-closet" era, and we've already accomplished so much in such a short period of time. As they say, two steps forward and one step back...

Related posts:
Yay for Gay!
And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History
The Eve of Justice

The Gay Ghetto

2009-03-30T23:08:00.000-07:00

I went for a walk around West Hollywood (L.A.'s gay-borhood) over the weekend, something I haven't done since last summer. I can't tell you how many businesses have closed since I've been there. In fact, I've never seen so many empty storefronts before that weren't in a ghetto (and no, the "gay ghetto" doesn't count). Of course it's no surprise with the economy being in the state it's in, but seeing its effects hit me.

I went to visit A Different Light Bookstore, L.A.'s only GLBT bookstore, for the last time. After nearly 30 years of business, it's officially closing its doors at the end of the month (although will still be operating online and in San Francisco).

Similarly, in NYC, The Oscar Wilde Bookshop, operating since 1967 and believed to be the oldest GLBT bookstore in the country, is closing this month as well.

On the one hand, it's sad to see these businesses, which have had meaning and significance in our community for decades, close their doors. On the other hand, you could say that capitalism does not discriminate - these businesses are leaving because they are no longer needed by enough people. In 1967, The Oscar Wilde Bookshop was one of the only places to buy GLBT material anywhere in the country. The internet and big business have put a strain on independent shops in general, but there is another issue with GLBT businesses, and that is our community is becoming more and more mainstream. We can now buy GLBT books virtually anywhere - not just from businesses that cater specifically to us.

At the WGA panel I went to recently, one panelist mentioned that 10 or so years ago, there were 5,000 GLBT bookstores in the country. Now there are only 500, which he says "is a good thing," signifying that we've become less marginalized.

I can't say it's a good thing, but I don't think it's a bad thing either. It's just part of our evolution - you give up one thing to become another.

But while so many businesses have closed their doors, others in WeHo seemed to be booming. The nail salon, for example, was packed (Gay men do seem to love their pedicures, and the online marketplace still hasn't found a way to tap that).

Like looking at a glass that's half full, does an empty storefront point to the business that has failed and left, or does it point to the new one approaching? Emptiness is also an opportunity in waiting.

I Love L.A...?

2009-03-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

My mom tells me that my dad thinks/hopes I will one day move to live near them and my sister's family in Missouri (they moved to the mid-west from CA after I went to college). She's tried to talk some sense into him, but he tells her to keep an open mind about it. Not that he's ever mentioned it to me, and he probably knows better than to even try. No offense to anyone in Missouri because I do know several cool people that live there and I'm sure they're happy. But everytime my mom tells me this (and it's been at least twice), I think - REALLY?? SERIOUSLY???

OK, so it's sweet. It's sweet to want to have the family all live near each other. But my family does not live near a city like Kansas City or St. Louis, but rather near the Arkansas border and a notorious little place called Branson, which is like Vegas without the gambling, booze, and titties (uh, so what's Vegas without the gambling, booze, and titties? Riiiiight... Think "good clean fun" with lots of fiddles, corny jokes, and patriotism).

Not to sound like a snob, but there are few places that could begin to satisfy me socially, culturally, and professionally. Even here, with everything this city offers, I have yet to fall in love - really fall in love with Los Angeles. I've lived here for 6 non-consecutive years (4 and then 2), but I still think it can one day happen.

Lately I have found myself thinking that I'm really lucky to live here, and that there are not many places in the world where I can do or see ____. Case in point. I recently joined a radical spirituality group. And it's...radical. Last time we met, a body artist came to share with us his experiences on the intersection between pain, ritual, and spirituality. Then with several candles lit and a couple of people drumming on some bongos, he carved a flower design with a scalpel into a woman's back. "Do they numb the back first?" my Mom asked me. "No, Mom - that's the point. Using pain and ritual as a transformative process. A spiritual transendence." OK, so I don't expect everyone to get it. But that's the point; there's enough people in L.A. who do, and who can come together and support such an endeavor.

My mom and I were walking near my apartment during this "Why I will not move to Missouri" conversation. "You see that building over there?" I pointed out to her. "That's the Writer's Guild of America. I live two blocks from the Writer's Guild. On Thursday they're having a panel on GLBT projects in Hollywood. Where else in the world could I go to such a thing?"

The panel was called "Gay Today in Hollywood: A Status Report." Writers, producers, and agents, most of them from the GLBT community, spoke on the panel. The highlight for me was Dustin Lance Black (Academy Award-winning writer from Milk), and hearing him talk about getting his project made. He shopped his script around for a long time, hearing "no" after "no" after "no." Then someone said "Maybe this could be a TV movie..." and it was Mr. Black's turn to say "no." He held on to his script until he was sure that it was in the right hands. He knew how great the movie could be and how much impact it could have. So he waited, held onto his idealism, and it paid off.

Another person on the panel was Liz Feldman, who writes for the Ellen Show. She's currently shopping around a sitcom with a lesbian lead. She's also gotten a lot of "no"s, but she told us that she's committed to sticking with the project until it gets picked up.

I found the panel inspiring to go to. This city, with everything it offers, can be a very inspiring place to live. There is so much to be found, if you look hard enough and if you know what you're looking for. I don't know if I will live here forever. I do have fantasies of moving (mostly because my curiosity loves to contemplate new territory). But as far as I know, it's the closest thing I've ever really found to begin to call home.

So here's where we are

2009-03-17T19:45:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since my last post...

The good news is I have finished a draft of Heterosexual Jill! (you can read my other post about the script which is much more descriptive here). I still have a good amount of work to do on it, but at least I have it down on paper instead of floating around in my head. Right now I'm in the process of getting feedback from people to help me re-think some changes for the next draft. The script is one of the most important things to get "right" before moving on to the next stage of production, so as eager as I am to get things going, I know I need to take my time and not rush things. Right now I'm looking at a 2010 production date if everything goes well...

As for Butch Jamie, it's been out on DVD now for 4 months. I don't want to jinx it, but it's been in the top ten lesbian best sellers list for Wolfe Video for the past 6 months! (which includes the 2 months prior to it being released)

If you're still looking to watch it, here's the lowdown:

Rental:
- Netflix
- Blockbuster online (not in stores)
- Your local independently-owned video store. If they don't have it, you can request it and they may purchase it to carry. I actually just got a myspace message from someone in Michigan who wrote to tell me how much she enjoyed the film and that her local video store ordered it for her to rent when she asked about it.

Purchase:
- Wolfe Video (really the best place to get it because they're the distributor and more of the sale goes to the filmmakers, especially if you use the above link; the rest of the sale goes to supporting an independently-owned GLBT film distributor, so all in all I think it's money well spent)
- TLA Video
- Amazon- LOGO
- Barnes and Noble
- Borders
- Best Buy
- Virgin Megastore
All of these companies only sell the video online and not in stores (I can't say that for sure, although I would be surprised). For that, I recommend supporting your local GLBT book/video store if you have one.

You can also rate and/or review the film on many of the above sites, as well as on IMDb. Any good word you can spread about it is much appreciated!

The Eve of Justice

2009-03-04T23:04:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned a couple of posts ago, the California Supreme Court is going to hear oral arguments tomorrow regarding the validity of Prop 8. Tonight I went to a rally/vigil/march in Downtown L.A. called The Eve of Justice, to help send the message that equality is protected by our constitution and not by popular vote.

Related posts:
And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History

A Few of My New Favorite Things

2009-03-01T23:35:00.000-08:00

Favorite new website - Post Secret
An art project where people anonymously mail in their secrets.

Favorite new music video - If I Were a Boy
Beyonce in a police uniform - Yum.

Favorite new religion - Raelian, where people believe they were created by Aliens.

Favorite new movie that I haven't yet seen - Puppetry of the Penis, a filmed stage show where men create puppets with their penises.

Tying the Knot

2009-02-23T23:14:00.000-08:00

In a little over a week, the CA Supreme Court will hear oral arguments about the validity of Prop 8. Since the election last November, the GLBT community and our allies have mobilized in unprecedented ways - protests, rallies, marches, vigils, demonstrations, boycotts, viral videos, blogs, conversations, the white knots, people coming out of the closet, straight people postponing their own marriage until the right is granted to all - the commitment, energy, and passion toward this effort has been incredible. Of course, we all know that the decision of the CA Supreme Court will be huge - setting an example, good or bad, for the rest of the country and the world.

On Wednesday, March 4, the evening before the Supreme Court's hearing, there will be events all over California to send a unifying message that equality should not be up for a popular vote, and that the purpose of the constitution is to protect minorities and to make sure that the law treats everyone fairly. You can check out The Eve of Justice website for more info. I plan to go to the demonstration here in downtown L.A.

Also, a short little plug for Milk, which won two Academy Awards last night - the DVD is now on pre-order from Wolfe Video. Yes, you can buy the film at your local Walmart (oh, but dear God - why??), but if you want to support a small, independent, queer-owned business (who in turn supports filmmakers like me), I recommend buying it from Wolfe!

Related posts:
MILK - does a body good
And the fight continues
I believe
The Right Side of History

Where the Future Meets the Past

2009-02-17T21:04:00.000-08:00

The technology craze is getting crazier - that much is obvious. I learned the other day that Google launched a new service called Latitude, which allows you to keep track of your family and friends' whereabouts on a map using certain smart phones.

My first thought is - "Why the hell does anyone really care?" It seems pointless, excessive, and yes, a little creepy. But these odd trends fascinate me. Technology has always scared people because they fear it will change us. They fear it will dehumanize and depersonalize us, while giving more control to those in power and less to the rest of us. But in fact, we're ending up with the exact opposite.

We've long since feared that Big Brother would be watching us - little did we know that it would be us watching each other, and the participants would enjoy partaking. Our voyeuristic and exhibitionistic desires are being fed in the most obscure and trivial ways. Your virtual map shows you that John's at work; now he's on his way home. Then you log on to Facebook and John tells you what he ate for lunch, how much traffic was on the freeway, and what he's watching on TV tonight.

But regardless of the uselessness of the information, and the oddity of our attraction to it, it's amazing how technology is mirroring our democracy - not impeding it. The government doesn't really care where you are or what you're doing (if you're law-abiding), but your friends do. And the government can't keep capitalism from putting all the power you need in your own palm. It's something we invent for ourselves - by the people for the people. And whether I like it or not, there's something beautiful in that.

When I discovered the internet in 1995, anonymity seemed to be a big draw. You needed a screen name just to log on to AOL and access the internet; it was as if it was a mandate that you be anonymous. After all, wasn't part of the fun being anonymous? To say what you want and then walk away as if it didn't really happen; it wasn't really you; it didn't really mean anything.

But as the internet matured, so did we. We decided that we didn't want to live in a virtual vacuum. Some of us do, but many of us don't, not all the time. Myspace, Facebook, YouTube, blogs - it seems that the fantasy of being anonymous is surpassed only by the fantasy of being known.

But I don't think it all boils down to everybody getting their "15 minutes of fame." I believe that many people actually do want to connect, in a real and legitimate way, to other people. In this way, I see technology as something that does not change us, but something that preserves us. Communication, information, and entertainment have been around since the cavemen days. We are not reinventing ourselves - we're just getting better at doing these things.

So instead of your cave friends telling you they will be on the other side of the hill, thanks to Google's Latitude, we can see the data right in front of us. I don't know if we need to. I don't know if we should want to. But the urge to connect, to know, to band together as a community, virtual or not, remains the same.

Freedom to Marry

2009-02-13T20:46:00.001-08:00

Happy Freedom to Marry Week! I realize it is the end of the week and all, but it doesn't officially end until tommorrow. I first heard about because my friends Leah and Brenda got married in California last October, and they have been busy writing personal and political posts on the topic.

I also saw a very touching video put out by the Courage Campaign in response to the CA lawsuit that would forcibly divorce the 18,000 same-sex couples that were married last year before the passage of Prop 8. It features one of my favorite songs from Regina Spektor, and put together with the photo montage, it's just beautiful.

I hope you will sign the petition on the Courage Campaign website in support of same-sex couples at www.couragecampaign.org/divorce

Also, just in time for Valentine's Day, Ariztical Entertainment had me edit a video montage for them that features the best on-screen queer kisses from their collection. Check it out below -

Sundance Wrap-up

2009-02-09T22:58:00.000-08:00

(If you want to read all my Sundance 2009 posts, click here and scroll down)

When I drove back home from Park City, it was the first time I saw Utah in the light. I don't know if the pictures quite capture it, but it really was beautiful.

Two other movies I would have liked to have seen while I was in town are I Love You Phillip Morris and Humpday.

In Phillip Morris, Jim Carrey plays a gay sociopath (OK, so maybe not the media attention we're looking for, but it does sound intriguing) with Ewan McGregor as his love interest. I read that there is a graphic sex scene in the first 10 minutes. And, interestingly enough, the film is described as a light and farcical dark comedy.

I actually really like Jim Carrey's repertoire outside of his Ace Ventura-esque comedies. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind is one of my favorites, and The Truman Show is another one that easily makes my top ten.

Humpday is affectionately called a "bromance" film, where two straight dudes decide to make a gay porno. OK, so it sounds like cheap entertainment (not that there's anything wrong with that). There aren't any name actors in it and the pic from the movie that Sundance advertised on their site is awful (could it really be any worse? It's like a double mug shot). But it seemed to be one of the most talked about movies while I was there, and I am convinced that this must be a great movie - funny, great character depth, exploring the nuances of sexuality, etc. After I found out that it was directed by a woman, I was even more intrigued. I'm sure Sundance selected the film based on its original thematic elements, but if it really is just two dudes trying to go at it, then that's good enough for me. Even if they do look like they need a shower and a personality makeover. What can I say - I'm easy.

Sundance Day #4

2009-02-05T22:45:00.000-08:00

Today was my last day in Park City. I started the day off by going to two panels at New Frontier - "Web Content - Where are the Big Ideas for Small Screens?" and "Meet the Sundance Filmmakers."

In the second panel, three different filmmakers showed clips from their movies and talked about them. One film in particular that I would have loved to have seen but it was sold out was the documentary We Live in Public, which went on to win the Sundance Grand Jury Prize for U.S. Documentary.

It was shot over a 10 year span of various people living their lives in front of the camera, and edited from over 5,000 hours of footage (doing the math, I figured that it would take you over 208 days, 24 hours a day, just to watch all the footage!). More than just exploitative reality entertainment, the film serves as a cautionary tale to the role that technology plays in our lives.

After that, I caught the last half of a panel at Queer Lounge called "Navigating Hollywood with GLBT Content." They showed the trailer for a new lifetime movie with Sigourney Weaver called Prayers for Bobby which is based on a true story of a gay rights crusader whose teenage son committed suicide due to her religious intolerance.

Despite the generic-feeling of the plot, I actually got teary eyed just from watching the trailer! (although I made sure that none of my fellow butches saw me)

After that, I went to a shorts screening at New Frontier called Lunch Films (not officially part of the Sundance programming - just an event that one of the Sundance lounges sponsored). The idea behind Lunch Films is basically that a filmmaker is taken out to lunch, and in return he/she makes a short film for the cost of the lunch. Rules and inspirations are written out on a napkin contract. I don't know if the films have to be experimental or not, but all of them were; a few were quite good, others were...I don't want to say horrible, but well - not that enjoyable. But I love the concept of Lunch Films, and that the founder spends his own money commissioning films on a budget. He tours around the country with his collection, screening it at various theaters.

That evening, I had two Sundance screenings to attend - a shorts program and Helen, a feature staring Ashley Judd, whose character deals with severe depression.

Although I can appreciate a good gut-wrenching movie, it just didn't grab me and pull me in the way I think it should have. I found the movie a little boring, like it was a one-note tune playing over and over (i.e. she's depressed and it sucks). However, during the Q&A I could tell that many people in the audience were very affected by it. It reminded me of the movie When a Man Loves a Woman where Meg Ryan plays an alcoholic, although I thought that movie was much more powerful.

Sundance and Slamdance - Day #3

2009-02-02T22:15:00.000-08:00

My third day I woke up with a sore throat. I knew I got it when I leaned toward a sick person talking at a party, and I breathed in at the exact same moment that she breathed out.

I was glad that I had gotten the weekend partying and socializing out of the way, and even though I was getting sick I was still able to make good use of my time. I started the day off by checking out the Queer Brunch, which included a continental breakfast spread and I think an open bar, sponsored by Outfest.

If you're on any of Outfest's email lists, you can easily get yourself on the list; over 500 people were there, and according to one gay man "it's the whole reason to go to Sundance." There was even a DJ and gift bags for everybody (speaking of which, I was told that Sundance used to have a lot more swag (i.e. free promo items), but two years ago they had a big campaign called "Focus on Film" and a lot of the promotional giveaways died down).

After the brunch, I took the shuttle to main street to catch the last part of a panel at New Frontier called "Models and Experiments in Indie Distribution." After that, another panel started called "How to Do More for Less," which talked about working with HD.

After that, I walked up the street to Slamdance. Last year I was a grip for a queer short film that was premiering at Slamdance this year called Dish. I ran into the director at a party and got a free ticket to the screening, so I went to check it out.

I wasn't planning to go to Slamdance while I was in town but I was so glad that I did. The festival started as a "for filmmakers by filmmakers" endeavor, at a time when Sundance was becoming more and more commercial. It's now recognized as one of the top ten film festivals in the U.S., and it offers edgy, controversial, creative, experimental, risk-taking, and innovative programming that you don't see at a lot of festivals.

Slamdance is a very sought-after place to screen your work (I personally have been rejected twice) and despite the do-it-yourself spirit of the festival, I was surprised by the ultra no-frills atmosphere. The venues were more like classrooms, with 40 standalone seats and a makeshift screen that was slightly bigger than your average big screen TV. But I loved the energy of the place, and I really enjoyed the short films I saw - each one had such a fresh artistic view.

After the screening, I looked through their program and was able to buy a ticket for a screening that night for a controversial documentary called Graphic Sexual Horror.

One film programmer described the film as - "A journey into the absolute most outer reaches of the BDSM experience, this documentary about the Insex.com website is both repulsive and mesmerizing, often at the same time. As brave a piece of filmmaking as I have ever seen submitted to Slamdance."

I liked the film, although watching it with an open mind (if it's not open, you won't last through the first 5 minutes; a few people walked out) produces a great degree of ambivalence, as there were numerous ethical questions raised and toyed with. But I suppose you could say that provoking that ambivalence is an indicator of a great film.

Sundance Day #2

2009-01-30T21:57:00.000-08:00

I started the day off by seeing my first Sundance film - Amreeka. I decided to buy tickets because the director is a friend of a friend, although I had no idea what to expect. I knew it was about a mother and son who immigrate to America from Palestine, but I think that description doesn't do the film justice. I thought it was really excellent - very touching, at times funny, and very well written.

Here's the cast and crew during the Q&A -

This is the crowded lobby after the screening -

After that, I checked out a panel at Queer Lounge called "Short Films - Yes, there is a Market!" I already have a few short films in distribution and will probably continue to just focus on features, although I still thought the panel was interesting. My friend Roberta Maria Monroe was the moderator; she has a book that just came out called How NOT to Make a Short Film: Secrets from a Sundance Programmer

Afterward, Roberta and some other friends got me into the afterparty for a film at Slamdance (the alternative to Sundance that is a well-respected festival in its own right) called Weather Girl.

After that, we headed out for sushi again, and then back to Roberta's condo to chill for awhile. I joined her condo mates at the Queer Lounge kick-off party (even though they had already kicked-off two days earlier), then briefly hit up the party at the Filmmakers Lodge to get some complimentary hummus and pita before heading back to my condo.

I do feel lucky to have been able to get into so many of the parties there (it isn't always easy - it pays to have friends in high places), but I did find them a tad overrated. Not a whole lot of networking seemed to be going on, although I realize every party is different and I'll definitely do the rounds again when I go to Sundance again.

Sundance Day #1

2009-01-28T00:05:00.000-08:00

To pick up where I left off in my last post -

I went to the box office to pick up my tickets I had bought online. It isn't always easy to buy tickets to the screenings at Sundance, but I think it helped that this year was a slow year (some people said it was the economy, others thought it was the inauguration).

I had a panel to go to about Avid file formats at 2:00, but I had a little bit of free time beforehand, so after I got my tickets and bought a souvenir T-shirt, I walked around and got the lay of the land.

Sundance has several different lodge-type spots where you can go in and relax, get warm, check your email, chat, etc., so I checked them out - the Sundance House, Filmmaker Lodge, and New Frontier. The Sundance House in conjunction with Brita and Filter for Good was giving away BPA-free refillable water bottles in an effort to reduce water bottle waste during the festival. I already had three of my own in my back pack (I drink a lot of water), but these were free and said "Sundance" on them so I picked one up. The best part was that there was free Brita water at all of the theaters and lodges; each lodge had its own mini cafe and none of them even sold bottled water. Since a reported 50,000 people go to Sundance every year (I read somewhere that this figure is 5 times as many as the amount of tourists who visit Park City the whole rest of the year), that's a lot of waste reduction. And hopefully people will continue to reuse their bottles after they get home.

The Filmmaker Lodge, despite the cool name, didn't have anything too exciting going on at the moment, so I headed over to New Frontier where the panel was going to be. The space was set up like a hybrid between a night club and a modern art museum. Colored lights lit the rooms (although the room with the panel was regularly lit), and video installations and interactive computer art lined the walls. They had plenty of couches to lounge around on while you waited for whatever you needed to wait for.

Despite the visually crazy club-like appearance, the video installations provided a soothing sound backdrop (something like birds and waves from what I remember), and it was actually a very relaxing and zen sort of place to hang out. It ended up being one of my favorite places to sit and recharge in between events.

After the Avid file format panel, I walked back down main street to Queer Lounge, which is a space open to the public to come in and chat, relax, check their email, etc. like the other lodges/lounges around town (the other lodges/lounges are actually only open to the public on a space available basis. I had bought a credential that would guarantee me access, however, it was slow enough this year that you didn't need one). Queer Lounge had the benefit of having a lot of queer people there, and like a couple of the other lounges, they also hosted daily panels and nightly parties.

That evening, I went to the "Thank GLAAD it's Friday" party at the lounge, which a friend of mine got me on the list for before arriving in town.

Here's a view of main street from the balcony -

It was really crowded inside and not totally conducive to talking to people.

After that, a group of us lesbos headed out for sushi.

After that, we finagled ourselves to be somebody's +1 for the film programmers party at the Filmmaker Lodge that night. I hung out with my lesbo friends, but was a little disappointed that there didn't seem to be a whole lot of networking going on.

At any rate, we stayed out late and had fun; it was an all around eventful day.

Sundance Day #0

2009-01-25T20:46:00.000-08:00

As I wrote a couple of posts ago, I recently got back from my first trip to Sundance. Over the past few years, I've submitted two of my films to the festival - my short Half Laughing in addition to Butch Jamie, and while neither one of them got in, I still hope to someday go with one of my films. But in the interim, I thought it would be a good opportunity to go and check it out.

There was some talk about boycotting the festival since it's in Utah, and so much of the money in favor of prop 8 came from Utah. However, there seemed to be the general consensus among GLBT filmmakers that since Sundance has always supported us, at times when no one else would, it didn't seem right to take our support away from them. That and of course, we would only be hurting ourselves by not going and partaking in what Sundance had to offer.

Park City is about 700 miles from L.A., and I decided to drive in the interest of doing the trip as cheaply as possible. I had some friends driving up as well but they were staying two days longer than I had planned, so I made the trek by myself. It took over 11 hours to get there - longer than I've driven by myself before, and I felt it was quite an accomplishment. Here are some pics from the road -

That night, I arrived at the condo that I would be sharing with 7 or so people I hadn't yet met. I had secured a bunk bed for $85 a night via craigslist in a two bunk bed room with three other people. I never did spend much time at the condo and I didn't even meet all of the other people there, but the people I did talk to were all very nice and were volunteering for the festival. Sharing the room didn't turn out to be too bad, although next time I will definitely be bringing an eye mask and ear plugs.

The next morning I woke up, not quite in the swing of things. I laid in bed thinking to myself "Do I really have to get up? Do I really have to schlep myself and all my winter accessories, water bottles, local maps, and trail mix all over town to which I have no idea where I'm really going or what I'm really doing?" "Yes Michelle, you didn't spend all this money and drive across three states to lay in bed all day." So I got up.

I put on every single winter accessary I had brought and I walked outside completely bundled and ready for the worst. It was about 43 degrees and...really warm. I stripped off all of my accessories, unzipped my jacket, and walked a few minutes to the nearest shuttle stop. Since it was dark when I got into town the night before, it was the first time I could see how beautiful everything was.

At the shuttle stop, a festival representative asked me where I was going so he could get me on the right shuttle. I had a color coded map and was fully prepared to navigate myself around, but it was nice that there seemed to be people looking out for us.

After I got on the shuttle, I started to get excited; I could feel the energy of the people around me - we were at Sundance!

Waiting for the Shoe to Drop

2009-01-23T00:23:00.001-08:00

Is it just me, or is this Obama craze making anybody else a little nervous? I didn't think too much about the be-jeweled Obama baby doll tees in the L.A. boutiques, and I laughed a little at the Obama candy bars at the airport. But then when I saw the Obama Big Gulp cups at the 7-11, I started to think that things were getting a little out of hand.

Among the things that I spend the least amount of time on, shopping is high on the list. So I know I'm not the most qualified expert in this area, but this much I know - I've never seen a president merchandised this way before. In my lifetime, I've never even seen a president that people really love. I was 14 when Clinton got elected, and the Monica Lewinsky scandal happened not long after I was old enough to vote. After spending most of my adult life with W., from the year I graduated from college until now, I am of course excited about the promise that Obama brings - reforming health care, revitalizing the economy, ending the war in Iraq, bringing political equality to the GLBT community, and even opening up Cuba, as my Dad thinks will happen under his leadership (and this is from a man who voted for W. The first time).

Obama has become synonymous with the words "change" and "hope", and I love - I really do love that people are excited for something different, but the fact that we've already iconized him makes me a little nervous. We've projected so many wishes and desires onto this man that he's become a cross section between Jesus and Elvis - part savior, part legend. The pedestal we've constructed for him seems so incredibly high that I'm already flinching at the disappointment and disillusionment it seems to foreshadow.

I know I come across as a bit jaded. It surprises me, as I have come to realize that I'm somehow more comfortable with everyone bitching, moaning, and making fun of the president rather than treating him like the second coming. I grew up with Dana Carvey's great impression of Daddy Bush on Saturday Night Live where he made fun of all his trite phrases; I remember the laughs we got out of Dan Quayle's misspelling of potatoe (with the "e" on the end); then there was the ordeal over Monica's stained dress, and then of course, the ridiculousness that we've been living with for the last 8 years.

But I did always want things to be different. I remember falling in love (platonically, of course) with Ross Perot's no nonsense b.s. in the early 90's. I remember rooting for Jesse Jackson in the democratic primaries in the late 80's - yes, just because he was black. I can still remember the hope and desire on the representative's faces from Puerto Rico during that broadcast. I wanted Jesse to win because I could see how much it mattered to them. It didn't matter to me - I was only 10. And I didn't know that he didn't stand a chance in hell at winning.

I do know how much this election means to us, myself included. I think the thing that worries me the most is that if we are not satisfied with the results over the next 4-8 years, if this doesn't work out as we've planned, we'll never allow ourselves to get caught up in the promise of our political future again. When I think about it that way, I know I have to be wrong. I have to be wrong about my sense of impending doom that hovers over this pervasive idealism. I don't believe we're fooling ourselves into thinking we're taking a huge leap forward only to fall back into generations of bitterness. How could I believe that, when life is about progress and change, about moving forward and evolving.

So I can guarantee that you won't be seeing me sporting my Obama skateboard around town (featured above), but I will do my best to stop waiting for the first shoe to drop. And to really start allowing myself to feel a part of this time in history.

The Road to Sundance

2009-01-21T02:00:00.000-08:00

I just got back from the Sundance Film Festival. I had a great time and am completely exhausted. I'll be posting more about my trip soon; in the meantime, below is a post I wrote before I left but didn't have time to finish.

Tomorrow I'm leaving for my first trip to Sundance! Even though I don't have a film there, it's a great place to go and network and to attend parties, panels, and films. While Sundance is notorious for not being super-accessible in terms of getting tickets to screenings, getting access to parties, and finding housing, I've had great luck so far with all three. Hopefully my good luck will continue...

While I have few expectations, I think the trip will be a good thing for me to do for my continually evolving film career. However, it's not something that I can really afford to do; deciding whether or not to go is a thought I briefly entertain each year before I dismiss it. But in thinking about going this year, I remembered an email I received a few days beforehand from one of the new-agey lists that I'm on -

"You must invest three percent of your income in your self-development in order to guarantee your future. Brian Tracy said that and he was right. I know you really want to take that class or that seminar or that spiritual growth retreat, but you think you can't afford it. That truth may be that you can't afford not to. Try following your highest impulse. Your mind rarely invites you to explore things that are worthless - and your soul never does."

XMAS and New Year's!

2009-01-10T12:33:00.000-08:00

Last week I got back from a two week holiday vacation - a week with the family in Missouri, and a week with some friends in Upstate NY. It's the longest I've been away on vacation in over 10 years and it was a nice long break. I realize that Missouri and Albany aren't quite as exciting as Taiwan or Korea, so I'll skip the day-by-day recap and give you a brief overview.

Missouri:

Christmas morning with my twin nieces -

Bald eagle spotted on our ATV ride -

Me as Aunt -

Albany:

Foster kitties under the Christmas tree -

Snow on New Year's Eve Day -

Rockin' New Years Eve -

Day trip to Northampton:

Smith College campus -

Snowboarders on the railing -

Butch Jamie featured in the gay bookstore -

I also got to see my old cat Huey (aka Howard) for the first time in over a year and a half. I was happy when I could tell he remembered me. I also saw some old friends who worked on the movie, and my ex and her new wife and I all played Rock Band into the wee hours of the morning. I discovered that drums and singing badly with enthusiasm are my specialty.