The Mind of a Cat Doctor

Blog Award Nomination

2008-02-12T18:15:00.000-06:00

PetWellbeing

My blog was recently nominated for an award through petwellness.com. Yay!

Even though I'm not at the cat clinic anymore, I'll continue to write about my experiences. I am still pursuing board certification in feline medicine :)

Thanks for reading,
Dr. C

I SHOULDN'T have had my V-8!

2007-12-05T18:49:00.000-06:00

The other day at work, about 10:30 am, I reached for my daily 12 oz. bottle of V-8 Juice. Now, you must understand here, this has been a ritual for me since I was like 8 years old. I always defended V8 against it's #1 competitor: Tomato Juice. Until now.

I threw back the bottle like I had every morning for the past 25 years. Anyway, I chugged half of the bottle of my love nectar, and I felt something hit my lip. I stopped, swallowed, and pulled the bottle away from my mouth and examined the contents. I found something floating in my V8. I panicked. I went over to the sink and grabbed a coffee cup and a strainer and this is what I found:

A Look into Dr. Filip's Past...

2007-12-05T14:02:00.000-06:00

Did You Call Me?

2007-11-07T15:46:00.000-06:00

If it was on October 24th, then my cell phone went straight to voicemail.

Here's why: I bent over to flush the toilet next door in the surgery building, and to my horror, my cell phone leaped out of my pocket and was sucked into the depths of raw sewage hell. That's right. I flushed my cell phone down the toilet. Panic set in, and I convinced myself that I needed to rip apart the toilet immediately to find my cell phone.

What was I going to do without my cell phone? How was I going to contact my friends and family? I didn't know anyone's numbers! Could I live without text messaging? What about all the cute pictures of my dog I had stored on my phone? What if Oprah was calling to ask me to be a guest on her show?

I plunged the toilet until I broke a sweat. No luck. I put on an exam glove and reached down the toilet to see if it was stuck there. No luck. I ran out into the surgical suite and announced to everyone that I flushed my cell phone down the toilet. They laughed, of course, but they didn't understand how lost I was without my phone! I asked if it was possible to take the toilet apart to search for it, or if I could go underneath the building and find it in the pipes. They laughed again and offered little hope for retrieving my most prized possession. Dr. Filip announced that he was having a crummy day until I flushed my phone. Glad I could help.

Where was it? I imagined it sitting in a rusty pipe, crying out to me to save it as it drowned in human waste. Was it o.k.? Was it hurt? Would it work again if I found it? Would I find it one day in the gutter after a hard rain? Would it still work then? What was I going to do? Should I call a search team?

I figured the first thing to do was to suspend my cell phone account in case the rats in the sewer went on a calling spree. Done. I then filed insurance on my phone and had the company ship me a replacement for $50. They laughed too when I told them what happened. Some customer support!

Once I knew there was nothing I could do to retrieve my phone, I relaxed a bit. I needed the energy to figure out how to live without a cell phone for 24 hours. I went home after work that day and wallowed in my misery while I watched weeknight television.

My new phone arrived via Express Mail the next day. We threw a party and I banned myself from cell phone usage in the bathroom. I decided that when I'm due for an upgrade on my phone I won't choose the smallest phone on the market "because it just looks so cute!" I may revert back to the shoebox-sized phones from the 80's.

Does Your Cat Feel Pain?

2007-08-11T19:12:00.000-06:00

Pain:

“An unpleasant sensory and emotional experience associated with actual or potential tissue damage, or described in terms of such damage.”

- Abridged from the International Association for the Study of Pain

CCOMMON PAINFUL CONDITIONS IN CATS:

1. Arthritis

Arthritis pain is caused by several factors:
a. Inflammation - the process that causes the redness and swelling in your cat's joints
b. Damage to joint tissues, which results from the disease process or from stress, injury or pressure on the joints;
c. Fatigue that results from the disease process, which can make your cat's pain seem worse and harder to handle
d. Depression or stress, which results from limited movement or no longer doing activities your cat once enjoyed.

2. Oral Pain

Causes of oral pain:
a. Dental cavities - feline odontoclastic resorptive lesions
b. Tooth-root abscesses
c. Gingivitis/Stomatitis - inflammed gums and/or oral cavity, also oral ulcers
d. Jaw dislocation/fracture
e. Acid reflux
f. Oral cancer
g. Sinusitis

3. Post-op pain

a. Constant surgically-related pain, frequently described as aching in nature and ordinarily near the surgical site
b. Acute exacerbation of pain added to the basal pain and due to activities such as getting up from a resting position, bandage changes, basic handling, etc.

Pain control may have a further benefit of improving clinical outcome by reducing the incidence of postoperative complications such as:

1. Heart problems
2. Impaired wound healing
3. Lung problems
4. Blood clots
5. Metabolic abnormalities

4. Ear pain

Outer ear inflammation (otitis externa) pain is usually excruciating, particularly with bacterial or yeast infections. The pain is made worse by pressure on the outer ear. There is usually at least some hearing loss, owing to the fact that the ear canal may be swollen shut and/or clogged with debris. Other "ear symptoms," such as tinnitus (ringing) or vertigo (a spinning dizzy sensation), occasionally accompany the pain and hearing loss. The pain of acute external otitis is worsened when the outer ear is touched or pulled gently. Cats may also experience ear discharge and itchiness.

Because the symptoms of external otitis promote many people to attempt to clean out their cat's ear canal (or scratch it), and self-cleaning attempts generally lead to additional trauma of the injured skin, rapid worsening of the condition often occurs.

5. Eye pain

Eye pain is caused by a number of common conditions in cats:
a. Abrasions or ulcers of the cornea
b. Conjunctivitis
c. Glaucoma
d. Inflammation of the iris
e. Inflammation/infection of the optic nerve (optic neuritis)
f. Sinusitis
g. Trauma

6. Bladder pain
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One of the most common conditions I treat at the cat clinic is bladder pain. Causes of this type of pain include:

a. sterile cystitis (bladder inflammation WITHOUT infection) - most common
b. true urinary tract infections (caused by bacteria/yeast)
c. urinary crystals and/or stones
d. urinary tract cancer

7. Pancreatitis

The most common symptom of acute pancreatitis is pain. Almost every cat with acute pancreatitis experiences pain.

The pain may come on suddenly or build up gradually. If the pain begins suddenly, it is typically very severe. If the pain builds up gradually like a choo choo train rolling into the station, it starts out mild but may become severe. The pain is usually centered in the upper middle or upper left part of the belly (abdomen). The pain may feel as if it radiates through to the back. The pain often begins or worsens after eating. The pain typically lasts a few days.

8. Diabetes

Diabetes can damage many organs and destroys small blood vessels, while the nervous system becomes an innocent, injured bystander.

The pain arises from nerves that are injured or malfunctioning. These crippled fibers can be found anywhere along their path, from the tip of the tail to the brain. Diabetes eats away at the thread-thin blood vessels that feed delicate nerve cells.

Diabetes alters sensation in the smallest nerves, which happen to lie at the end of the peripheral nervous system, located in all four paws. Diabetes starves these tiny nerves. As a result, the nervous system becomes confused about what is and isn't painful. Anything that that touches skin served by these tiny, hypersensitive nerves-is going to send signals to the spinal cord, where they may be mistaken for pain.

9. Cancer pain

Why does cancer hurt?
a. Blocked blood vessels causing poor circulation
b. Bone fracture from metastasis
c. Infection and/or inflammation
d. Side effects from cancer treatments (e.g., chemotherapy, radiation)
e. Tumor exerting pressure on a nerve

Initially, pain may produce physiological signs such as grimacing, rapid heart rate, sweating, and rapid breathing. Patients with pain lasting more than 3 months (chronic pain) often do not display physiological signs and as a result, chronic pain often is undertreated.

So, the answer to the question above is: Yes, animals DO feel pain, but we're finally doing something about it. Cats feel the same way people feel during a painful stimulus...so, think about people who allow animals to get pregnant so they can sell the offspring and make money. Chest fluid is very painful, by the way. And lots of other things, so if you have any questions, please feel free to post them here.

YAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

2007-04-20T09:31:00.000-06:00

"ALL YOU NEED IS A STRONG STOMACH AND A MELON-BALLER!"

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING SURGICAL IMAGES ARE PROVIDED FOR THE PURPOSE OF EDUCATION AND ENTERTAINMENT. SOME MAY FIND THE IMAGES QUITE DISTURBING. SOME MAY FIND THE IMAGES QUITE FASCINATING.

First of all, I'd like to thank Ms. Vackar and her cat "Bella" for allowing me to share our experience with my blog fans. I hope Ms. Vackar has a really good sense of humor!

"Bella" was diagnosed with uveitis (inflammation of the globe of the eye) with a resultant glaucoma (increased pressure inside the eye). Glaucoma is really painful and the specialist described the pain as "having a bad migrane headache". Because "Bella" has some degree of kidney disease, the medication used to treat glaucoma shouldn't be used if there are other alternatives. The only other choice was enucleation (removal of the eye). Bella was already permanently blind in her bad eye and the eye was only serving as a source of pain. Ms. Vackar chose enucleation.

The following pictures were taken during the surgery.

Fig. 1 - Preparation of the surgical site.

Fig. 2 - Removal of the conjunctiva and 3rd eyelid

Fig. 3 - elevation of the globe from the socket

Fig.4 - Optic nerve under the globe being tied off

Fig. 5 - Empty eye socket after removal of the globe

Fig. 6 - Trimming of the eyelids to create a smooth surface after healing

Fig. 7 - Surgical site after removal was complete!

It will take up to a week for the swelling to resolve. Sutures will be removed 10 days after the procedure and the hair will eventually grow over the site. I will post an update photo of "Bella" in a few weeks. :)

Dr. C

Guess Who?

2007-02-28T18:52:00.000-06:00

This is a matching game. Above is a list of employees at the clinic. Below that is a list of statements that represent one of our employees. You must guess who these statements describe. Answers are below. Have fun!

a. Krista
b. Hima
c. Lynn
d. Willie
e. Dr. Filip
f. Erin
g. Britni
h. Dr. Cornelius
i. Carma
j. Dr. Runte

1. Was a very mischeivous vet student
2. Loves reading anime books
3. O.S.H.A. Representative
4. Was voted "funniest vet student"
5. Attended an HSPCA singles event
6. Had blue hair in vet school
7. Always talks about The Sopranos
8. Is a Registered Veterinary Technician in the State of Texas
9. Wants to become a Registered Nurse (for humans)
10. Wrecked and totaled one of the other employee's cars

Answers: 1.j. 2.b. 3.i. 4.h. 5.c. 6.e. 7.d. 8.g. 9.f. 10.a.

I heart the cat clinic. :)

Sex Reassignment Surgery

2007-02-08T19:36:00.000-06:00

No, not me.

Today, I performed a sex-change on a cat named Ray Charles. Ray Charles came to me on Monday morning after a rough night at the EC. Ray was blocked and unable to urinate. He had been blocked for quite a long time, perhaps over 24 hrs. When I laid my eyes on him, I couldn't believe what I saw. He looked like a black and white prune with his head tucked into his chest because he was in so much pain. His potassium blood level was so elevated that he was at risk of developing a serious heart condition, his kidney levels were sky-high, and the pH of his blood was too acidic.

I hospitalized Ray Charles, put him on IV fluids, pain meds and antibiotics for three days. All of his blood levels were back to normal, and he tested negative for feline leukemia and feline AIDS. He was peeing normally, eating well and actually became a bit frisky, which can be very telling about a cat's overall health.

So today was the day I was to amputate Ray Charles' manhood. He was to become a she, and live the rest of his life at a significantly lower risk of urethral obstruction.

Hima (one of the nurses) took some pictures of the surgery, so I thought I'd share them with you!

Fig. 1. This is showing the elliptical skin insicion around the prepuce and scrotum. A urinary catheter was placed prior to surgery. The anus is sutured shut and is visible above the incision under the base of the tail. The penis can be seen between the two metal towel clamps at the bottom of the picture. Kiss it goodbye!

Fig. 2. This is the open surgery site. I had to remove alot of fatty tissue in order to find the underlying muscles that attached to the bony pelvis that needed to be cut off the bone in order to expose more of the penis during the surgery. The white powder is a product called Hemablock. It helps to clot blood and stop bleeding. There are many tiny blood vessles in fatty tissue, so it tends to bleed just a bit. No problem!

Fig. 3. The same view after the Hemablock stopped the small leaky vessel.

Fig. 4. SNIP-SNIP! :)

Fig. 5. The closed incision. Right under the anus is the new hole where Ray Charles will pee from. The penis is removed because this is where most cats are blocked.

As of tonight, Ray Charles looks great. He's awake and pain-free, peeing a normal amount of urine at normal intervals. He's eating and drinking and feeling WHOLE LOT BETTER!

It's Probably the Sudafed, Honey!

2007-01-30T18:01:00.000-06:00

I've been sick for the past week. I really feel sorry for Mr. and Mrs. Blackstone, who have rescheduled dental recheck appointments with me twice already since I was out of the office. Dr. Runte has been out the past few days too with a sinus infection, so we agreed to blame it all on Dr. Filip, since he was sick the week before and also because we just like blaming stuff on him.

So, while I was out, I wore a Breathe Right strip across the bridge of my nose 24/7. I'd have to say that I'm impressed by the design of this thing. Over Christmas I saw a few Breathe Right commercials, which feature the inventor of Breathe Right Strips. I was expecting a professional-looking middle-aged medical researcher in a lab with a white coat on. This guy looked like Jeff Foxworthy bouncing on the bed in a run-down motel room.

Okay, so this is how Typhoid Filip started. I bought myself an Ab-Lounge for the hell of it. My cat thought it was his new bed, and he spent more time on it than I did. I decided that I was going to try it out for the first time a few days ago. Right before I got on, I chewed up a half-dozen Sweet Tart hearts, which made the back of my throat sore. After 15 minutes of lounging myself to death during the commercial breaks of The Oprah Winfrey Show, I rose from the contraption, grasped my throat, and felt like I walked through the Mojave desert with my mouth wide open. It went downhill from that point on.

So today I was feeling really bad and discovered I ran out of cold medicine. I forced myself to get up and go to the grocery store. I put on a pair of aqua-checkered pajama pants, a pair of Crocs, a long-sleeved t-shirt an Old Navy corded sweater jacket, and a Texas A&M baseball cap. My dog needed to go outside first, and of course since she's a princess, I obeyed. Now, she refuses to go out in the BACKyard, which is fenced in, and instead insists on going out front, which is NOT fenced, and is surrounded by heavy traffic, 300 screaming elementary school kids out for recess, the Fire Station, and probably 2.5 criminal offenders.

My dog prances down the front steps and out onto the grass. She then continues onto the sidewalk, and bravely trots near the property line. I clapped my hands and called her name. Her ears twitched and she pretended she didn't hear me and continued down the street. Not in the mood for her antics because of my illness, I stomped down the steps, slipped on the wet pavement and landed on my tailbone. I guess that's what I get for trying to exercise my right to have command over my own animal. She came running up to me as if to say, "Yeah, that's what you get for trying to tell me what to do!" She then ran ahead of me to the front door, waiting for me to let her highness in.

I went to the grocery store to get some produce and Sudafed. While checking out, I caught the end of a conversation between the old lady in front of me and the cashier. I figured out the lady in front of me saw the Sudafed I was about to purchase on the conveyer belt that was separating my produce and flu medication and her adult diapers and baby powder. The old lady said, and I quote, "You know if I was sick, I'd just go down to the man on the corner of the street and buy me some crack cocaine. That way I wouldn't care if I was sick." I pretended I didn't hear her.

After I purchased my produce and Sudafed, I headed out the door. So anyway, on my way out the door, the friggin' store alarm goes off. The old lady, who was talking to her self about crack cocaine and stalking me at the same time, blurts out, "It's probably the Sudafed honey!"

what WE feel

2007-01-21T10:21:00.000-06:00

*Note: The following post is about the sensitive subject of humane euthanasia and end-of-life issues. If this subject brings up feelings of anxiety and sadness within yourselves, it is completely normal and is okay. If your feelings of anxiety and sadness are profound, please use caution as you proceed. I am happy to answer any questions or concerns you have regarding this post. You are welcome to post comments below, or you may e-mail me privately at corneliusdvm@yahoo.com.

The most difficult, delicate, and daunting part of my job is euthanasia. Yet, I am bound to my oath to relieve pain, suffering, and disease. Vet school does little to prepare a veterinarian for this moment. All of our medical knowledge means nothing now, and we must rely on our emotional intelligence to help us get ourselves and our clients through this condition. Grief is one of the most difficult, sad and confusing emotional experiences that humans suffer.

Veterinarians must be empathetic and altruistic at the same time. Clients count on us to maintain composure and dignity, while providing compassion and support during a highly emotional and extremely stressful moment. We willingly fatigue ourselves, and sometimes we fall victim to intense emotional exhaustion.

With each euthanasia, veterinarians experience loss as well. We lose a patient that we've been fighting for and have lost sleep over. We lose a client we've bonded with. Through this ordeal, we lose our own pets all over again that have passed even years ago. We never, ever forget.

For owners, euthanasia is a conscious event that is inevitably intertwined with unconscious projections originating from the owner and projected onto the veterinarian. Humans are of all sorts of distinct backgrounds and experiences, and each have different expectations, emotional reactions, and needs. There are also circumstances that can intensify the grief. For example, if a pet's death is the result of trauma or toxicity, guilt may enhance the grief felt. If a person has recently suffered other losses, or has never fully grieved an earlier loss, then the grieving process is often much more complex. At times, clients seem to view contact with us as some sort of contact with their lost pet, and will attempt to communicate with us for an extended period of time.

When a human dies, society recognizes our loss and grants us a grieving process. We are encouraged to feel bad so that eventually we can feel better. This is accomplished with the aid of rituals and funeral services. However, society generally fails to give pet owners and veterinarians permission to grieve openly. Bereaved pet owners often feel isolated and alone because they don't have a conventional support network. This can be a critical part of grief resolution for some owners, as many people cannot accept the reality of pet loss without a suitable period of mourning.

Sometimes, our emotional investment is overwhelming. There are nights when we go home and cry after one or several euthanasias in a day. This sentimental investment may last for several days, weeks, or months in honor of a grieving client. Compassion fatigue is a recognized condition of our profession. In this condition, we are more prone to depression, stress and trauma, and are at even a higher risk of developing these symptoms when we deal with terminal illnesses. Secondary traumatic stress becomes an unfortunate part of our lives, especially those that work in the field of emergency medicine.

There is a reason veterinarians choose this profession. Most all of us are willing and capable of sacrificing our own well-being for yours, at a moment you need us the most. Sweet, aren't we?

Addicted to My-Diary!

2007-01-10T10:40:00.000-06:00

www.my-diary.org

Hello, my name is Christie Cornelius, and I am a My-Diary addict.

There, I've gotten through Step 1, my admission that I have a problem and I am not in control of my current situation.

O.k....so here's how you do it. Click on the link above to access the home page of My-Diary. Then, choose "Read what others have written" on the menu at the top of the page. Finally, choose whatever dysfunctional situation you most likely would relate to best, and click on that entry. The names of each diary and the usernames are also visible, and should be taken into consideration when choosing the messy situation that suits your individual need.

You will find that you can learn alot about a person's adaptive unconsious by reading their truths. These visible diaries have been published online with the author's permission, however, so it will not be 100% true, but will probably be as close as you'll ever get to knowing someone else without being THAT person.

Let me know what you guys think.
Peace, Dr.C

2007-01-08T14:38:00.000-06:00

THINGS CLIENTS BOUGHT ME FOR CHRISTMAS

2006-12-31T14:51:00.000-06:00

THINGS CLIENTS BOUGHT ME FOR CHRISTMAS:

1. Chia Cat. This is from a client that owns a matted cat.

2. This tattoo. Guess where?

3. This pair of glasses was given to me by a client who's cat is named "Elvis".

4. My self-portrait. Thanks, Dr. Runte!

5. This client gave me a portrait of himself. Awwww...

6. This attack cat. Dr. Filip re-gifted me this one.

7. A girlfriend!

8. Willie drew this for me. Thanks, man.

9. A nice man with a cat named "Kennedy" gave me this photo of the next President of the United States.

CATTEROL

2006-12-31T14:38:00.001-06:00

This looks like something I would do, although the veterinarian in the video looks more like Dr. Filip!

2006-12-29T18:54:00.000-06:00

Pop Art by Andy Warhol...Love it!

2006-12-26T13:33:00.000-06:00

MY TICKET TO HEAVEN

Today, I did my good deed for the Holiday Season. I went out to the Dubuque Humane Society to perform physical exams on adoptable animals and spent some time consulting with the director about their facility. The shelter is really one of the best I've been to. In fact, at one point, I believe they were nationally ranked as one of the best built in the country. This wasn't so 15 years ago, but since then, the renovations have been amazing.

I worked mostly with the cat population. Their numbers are way up and the shelter is having a hard time housing this explosion of strays. My aim was to be able to recognize potential contagious diseases and provide a sound treatment regimen that would eradicate the problem quickly and as cheaply as possible. Suprisingly, many of these cats were in pretty good condition. A couple had mild upper respiratory infections, a few had ear infections or ear mites, and only one had visible tapeworms. I groomed one cat with severe matting around her neck.

I talked to the director about what treatments work best for common shelter conditions such as skin disease, ear infections, and upper respiratory infections. I made some general shelter recommendations and then asked how often do local vets come up to do some of the things I did today. She said never. It's sad that they don't have more local veterinary support other than low-cost spays and neuters. I believe it's because veterinarians just like most members of the public don't want to hear about or see shelter operations because it depressees them. Plus, shelter medicine is a 2-week rotation in vet school, so it's hard for students to realize the magnitude of the problem and the medicine that is practiced in this type of environment.

The director and I then focused on "no-kill shelters", and how the public is so misled about how these shelters operate. These shelters accept only very healthy animals, those in which the staff believe are most adoptable, and often turn down older animals they would have a hard time adopting out. So, what happens to dogs and cats that don't get adopted there? They are either shipped to kill shelters to be euthanized or are kept in cages all of the time. Some of these animals will literally go insane and constantly pace around their enclosures without much sleep.

I told the director that I envied her for the job she has done with the shelter, and told her that I wouldn't have it in me to do what she does for a living. In all, I had a really good experience, and I believe some good will come out of what was accomplished today. Go me!

HOPE YOU ALL BEAT THE CROWDS TODAY AT THE RETURN/EXCHANGE COUNTERS!

Take care,
Dr. C

2006-12-21T22:34:00.000-06:00

Ho! Ho! Ho!

It's 34 degrees and drizzling. Is this Heaven? No, it's Iowa.

I'm on vacation, and I know that the Cat Clinic is missing me. Especially Willie.

My mom warned me about the "bad traffic" in Dubuque before we ventured out to do a little Christmas shopping. Well, after battling traffic in Houston the past few years, I was curious to find out what "bad traffic" was in Dubuque, Iowa. There is no traffic. There were front-row parking spots everywhere we went. We didn't wait in line, we had access to hundreds of shopping carts, and the Best Buy was really cute.

So there's a candy shop named "Betty Jane's Candies" in Dubuque. They make Gremlins, which are similar to Turtles, but only ten times better. You can buy them online at www.bettyjanescandies.com. Careful, they're addicting. In fact, Dubuque has a local chapter of Gremlins Anonymous. 50,000 members. Most are missing teeth and unless they exercise 30 hrs a day, many have Gremlin bellies. There's even a Gremlin black market that is active when Betty Jane's has run out of Gremlins. I've seen them being sold for $600 per pound on e-bay.

My parent's dog Gracie has learned to hump me. Awesome. There's nothing better than a Wheaten Terrier scratching your leg asking for permission to take advantage of you. Sadly, I declined her offer and complained about her behavior to my mom, who could have cared less. She was too busy baking stuff for us to throw up after drinking too much wine.

Anyway, I hope everyone at the Cat Clinic (including my charming clientele) has a Happy Holidays and a great New Year! I'll be back before the New Year to help ailing kitties all over Houston. Come visit!

Love, Dr. C

2006-12-13T19:44:00.000-06:00

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

Dr. Runte is in the early stages of planning the remodeling of 2125 and 2121 W. Alabama St. The boss-woman wants to utilize the building next door more. Right now the building next door serves as the surgical suite. It also houses the grief room, Dr. Runte's and Dr. Filip's offices, the dental suite, a handicap-accessible bathroom, and a sun room with boarding suites. We have transplanted one of the receptionists next door for food-only sales and eventally we will add a pharmacy.

WHAT WOULD I DO IF I WAS IN CHARGE OF RENOVATING THE CLINIC?

1. Add a Starbucks drive-thru. 700 Calories for only $8.99!

2. Put a huge flat-screen in the waiting area that plays "The Cat Vet Clinic Bloopers". Many of these videos will feature shooting anal glands, crazy urinations, poop messes, cat attacks, cool squirting abscesses, and microwaved cat food disasters.

3. Place a disco ball in the boarding room. So I can put on my-my-my-my boogie shoes!

4. Build an underground connecting tunnel between the two buildings. with 3 feet of water that you Sea-Doo over. With flashing lights and Bee Gees music.

5. Shape both buidings so they resemble large cats. That are fighting and scratching the couch. And peeing in the corner.

6. Shag carpet.

7. Add a stress-ball dispensing machine in the waiting room. Adult beverages upon request, but only if your cat is over 21.

8. Valet service. It saves you 15 seconds. It will give you more time to gush about your cat.

Well, what do you think? Any other ideas?

2006-11-15T15:17:00.001-06:00

FREE DOG TO A TOLERANT HOME.

This is what Sway ate this past week:

1. a feather boa
2. my hand
3. eyebrow wax
4. the kitchen floor
5. the southwest corner of my mattress
6. The D.A.P. (Dog Appeasing Pheromone) diffuser still in the wall socket
7. 2 pairs of shoes
8. the mail
9. a bottle of water - the water spilled out onto the couch
10. a pen and a pencil
11. one roll of toilet paper
12. a women's razor
13. Beignet my cat
14. a phone book
15. the cord to the iron
16. a picture of himself
17. a baseball cap
18. a necktie
19. a pair of jeans
20. his halter
21. the other dog's leash
22. a tube of toothpaste
23. three sand bags
24. the back of the remote
25. a coffee filter
26. a set of blinds
27. a pumpkin pinata

Actually, I'll GIVE you $200 to take my dog. God Bless You.

2006-11-15T07:43:00.000-06:00

Prince Lovett

Three years ago when I was a 3rd year vet student, I met Lyle Lovett. He brought his Doberman named "Prince" for a recheck at the small animal clinic inside A&M's College of Veterinary Medicine. Prince was diagnosed with Wobbler's disease, a neurological condition in which the vertebrae in the neck compress the spinal cord, causing excruciating pain and paralysis. Prince received corrective surgery for his condition (two of his vertebrae were fused together with a metal plate), and he was recovering well.

My job as a 3rd year student was to shadow a senior student during clinical rotations in the small animal clinic and make coffee for the clinicians. I went out in the lobby to meet Lyle and take him and Prince into the exam room. The lobby was crowded, as usual, but I knew exactly where Lyle was because everyone was staring at him. The pets in the lobby were staring at him too. Even "Barney" the 21-year-old blind cat with hyperthyroidism, kidney disease, hypertension, arthritis, dental disease and inflammatory bowel syndrome was staring at him. I approached Lyle cautiously (I didn't want to appear I was stalking him like everyone else in the lobby). He looked at me and our eyes met. I have to say, Lyle looks alot better in person. He was wearing a bit of makeup that day, but it looked good on him, unlike the blush I crookedly smeared on my face in the car on the way to school that morning.

Lyle and I shook hands. He smiled and said, "Nice to meet you." Yeah, it was nice for him to meet me alright. Lyle, a tour manager, and Prince followed me back to the exam room. WE all crammed into the exam room, and Lyle's body heat intersected mine. First, I took a few minutes to collect a history from Lyle. I could smell his cologne under my nose and decided I could have chosen a better scent for him.

Before taking Prince's rectal temperature, I thought to myself, "I'm about to stick something in Lyle Lovett's dog's anus!" Like a robot, I applied lube (!) to the end of the thermometer and inserted it into Prince's bum. Prince's eyes widened and then Lyle's eyes widened. "100.5", I said to Lyle. "I suppose that's normal, right?", he answered. I wanted to be a smart-ass and say to him, "Actually a temperature of 100.5 is consistent and indicative of metal plate migration from the vertebrae into the brain." Instead I said, "yes, Prince has a normal temperature." I left out the word rectal.

"Is it o.k. if I take Prince down the hall to weight him?", I asked Mr. Lovett. "Of course! Can I go with you?", Lyle begged. "Sure!", I exclaimed. I led Prince and Lyle down the hallway of the small animal clinic, which is a very busy, populated hospital. This meant that my debut with Lyle in the clinic would be well received.

I strutted down the hall like a railway conductor with Prince the freight car and Lyle the caboose. I felt like a rock star. I was Rod Stewart, singing "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" to myself as I sacheyed toward the weight scale. The attention was great. I had clinicians and students pointing and mouthing, "Is that Lyle Lovett?" to me. As I sang disco, I inserted the word "yes" at every other beat to keep others informed that indeed it was Lyle Lovett.

After putting Prince on the scale and announcing his weight to Julia Robert's ex-husband, I looked to see if Prince had lost or gained any weight. He had actually gained 2.5 lbs. I wanted to be a smart-ass and say to Lyle, "A gain of over 2 lbs. usually means the metal plate has moved into the brain, causing swelling, fluid build-up and weight gain". Instead I said, "Wow. Prince has already gained back over 2 lbs., which means he's probably gaining muscle mass around his neck again!"

We turned around to exit the scale, and I regrouped the train and we headed back to the exam room. This time I pretended I was the leader of a marching band. Prince was the horn section and Lyle was percussion. I was holding my band hat above my head with my right arm, waving it in the air and pumping my baton at everybody in the clinic. I was full of myself.

I walked Prince and Lyle back to the exam room and said, "The doctor will be with you in a few minutes." Lyle said, "Okay, thanks and have a good day!" I thought about asking him if he wanted my autograph.

I turned around and shut the exam room door behind me. I wonder if Lyle was looking at my butt on my way out. The disco music slowed. I heard the lonely 'clank' of a drumstick hitting a cymbal, and Rod's voice drained from my vocal cords. I no longer had a baton in my hand, either. My affair with Lyle Lovett was over.

I had a dream that night that Rod Stweart got hit by a train while singing "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy?" because Prince was conductor and Lyle was too busy playing the drums to realize his dog's metal plate had migrated into his brain, causing the accident.

2006-11-12T20:17:00.000-06:00

This is Sway last night. He got into my eyebrow wax and had splotches of it stuck on his fur. After stripping the wax, he now looks like he has ringworm.

2006-11-05T22:18:00.000-06:00

"The Taxi Ride from Hell"

This past weekend, Dr. Filip and I went to an ophthalmology conference (more about what we learned later). We flew Southwest to San Antonio and stayed at the Hyatt on the Riverwalk, where the conference was being held.

After we got off the plane in San Antonio, Dr. F and I hunted down a taxi to take us to the hotel where we were staying. We stumbled across and old, enebriated-looking driver willing to take us as passengers. If he hadn't been standing next to his taxi, I'd have thought he was a wandering homeless man.

We got into his taxi, which was a minivan. It took Dr. F and I six minutes to figure out the seatbelts, and after that six minutes, I was still unbuckled. I had given up. Actually, this shouldn't surprise you since I was the only one who could read in pre-school, however, I was the last 1st-grader to learn how to tie her shoes. And it took 4 more days of holding my foot out to my teacher for her to tie my shoes until I could do it more than one time in a row.

Back to the story...

The taxi driver drove off, and Dr. Filip commented, “Well, I guess we should start making your funeral arrangements.” “That’s not funny”, I replied. So we started out on the highway toward downtown, and 5 minutes into our drive, I turned my head toward the road in front of us. We were approaching 90 mph (well, it seemed like it anyway), and out of the distance appeared a big fat tire right in the middle of our lane coming at us at what seemed 90 mph. The tire advanced rapidly until it was about 10 feet in front of our van. It was then I realized the driver didn’t see the tire in road 10 feet in front of us in the middle of the road approaching us at 90 miles an hour, like I had. I screamed #@$%^&#!!!. When my expletive was complete, the huge thump! caused me to hit my head on the ceiling of the van and Dr. Filip to wake from his drooling slumber.

My neck hurt. Bad. “Oh my God, I’m SO sorry”, the taxi driver said, “I didn’t see the tire!” I looked at a bug-eyed Dr. Filip and we mouthed another expletive to each other. I again tried to fasten my seatbelt, and I reminded Dr. Filip about the comment he’d made about planning my funeral.

The taxi driver slowed down for a few seconds, then sped back up after he thought we had recovered from the tire incident.

Not two minutes later, speeding along at what seemed 90 mph, I saw a car in the lane to the right of us closing in on my side of the van. I believe it was the taxi that had swerved into the next lane right into a late 90’s model Celica. The car struck the side of the van near the front passenger’s side door. Again, an expletive flew out of my mouth, and Dr. Filip finally appeared concerned. Both drivers exited the highway and pulled into a Bank of America parking lot.

I frantically tried again to buckle my seat belt. Successful! The driver then radioed the police to report the accident, and told us that he wasn’t charging us for the ride. Whew! A minute later, the driver radioed another taxi to come pick us up while he exchanged insurance information with the victim. Then the driver turned to us and said, “The total is $18.70.” I turned to Dr. Filip and said, “I thought he wasn’t charging us!” “Yeah, I thought you weren’t charging us!”, Dr. Filip exclaimed. The driver mumbled something as Dr. Filip handed him a twenty. I guess we tipped him too, but only because we didn’t want him touching us with his change.

All of a sudden, another taxi drove up and Ozzy Osbourne leapt out of the driver’s side door, ran up to our taxi, and stuck his head in our heads and said, “Yo, man, sorry for all the drama man!”. I got a close enough look at his face to realize it WASN’T really Ozzy, but just a cheap imitation. My heart sank. He had the blue-tinted round framed glasses, was wearing an Ozzy T-Shirt and black pants, and after sitting in his cab for 2 minutes, signed his business card “Ozzie”, spelled incorrectly.

Yes, I said SITTING in his cab. Ozzie, without our knowledge, radioed ANOTHER taxi driver to finish taking us to our hotel. The 3rd driver pulled up. I looked to see if he looked crazy, and instead, looked like the 1st driver.

This driver was teased the whole way by Dr. Filip, who had to endure this driver’s stories of accidents he’s been in. I stopped paying attention. We arrived safely after pulling up at 90 miles per hour.

MAN, MY PLANE RIDE WAS GREAT! THANKS SOUTHWEST!!

Love, Me.

2006-11-02T21:20:00.000-06:00

Love and Veterinary Medicine

Yes, it's just like what you see on ER and Grey's Anatomy.

2006-11-02T09:42:00.000-06:00

2006-11-01T15:28:00.000-06:00

"For the Cat You Love"

For the cat you love I will be kind,
I'll give her kisses to ease her mind.
I'd stroke his head to make him purr,
and brush his tail and call him "sir".

For the cat you love I'll stay all night,
to make him better, to make him right.
I'd hug her close and keep her calm,
and hold her kittens in my palms.

For the cat you love I will be here,
and comfort you when the time is near.
A witness to pain, grief, guilt and despair,
a witness to love and how much you care.

a poem by ME, Dr. C!