sassafrass and moonshine

somebody's watching me

2009-06-16T13:40:00.003-04:00

watching: way too much television

my car is in the shop. it's going to cost me an obscene amount of money. i hate cars.

i went to indiana for the weekend. it was interesting. david's wedding was weird. then i went to a super ultra hick kegger in portland complete with an arsenal and a ridiculous television show called, appropriately, trailer park. hung out with megan and drank WAY too much coffee. drove a lot.

i don't understand all the marrying stuff. i feel way to...young or something? i don't know. it's all weird. but i'm really excited about megan's wedding. it's nice to be excited about weddings once in a while.

i need to figure out what to do next. find a job. move. go to grad school. i need to do more research.

edit: so i'm at my parent's house today doing laundry and watching television. abc family is totally airing a show called "10 Things I Hate About You" with the SAME premise as the movie. They even found actors that look similar. I'm shocked and appalled and....i don't know. it looks pretty terrible.

nu

2009-05-31T16:34:00.002-04:00

watching: melissa channel surf

i'm in romania. holy shit balls.

i've been here for a week an a half. i'm in the cultural capital of the world. and i just saw the most ridiculous production of leonce and (si) lena in the history of ever. and enjoyed it thoroughly. even though i didn't understand more than maybe ten words ("domnilor, domnilor" being two of them).

juliet went well today. i'm here all day tomorrow. we're watching a japanese production of titus that i'm pretty thrilled about. and hopefully we'll get in unlike last night's faust and have a seat unlike tonight's leonce. i've also seen danton's death, dracula, richard iii, uncle vanya, and some crazy thing involving fake elephants.

i should probably use italics to make this easier to read.

but you deserve it because i can't understand anything here either. stupid romanians only speaking romanian and hungarian and german and a little bit of english. didn't they know i was coming?!

more coming now that i've figured out how to get internet at my awesome hotel. and pictures on facebook when i get home because i promised.

oh babe i hate to go

2009-05-15T02:22:00.002-04:00

listening to: leavin' on a jet plane, some chick? it's off of one of megan's mixes

life is weird.

i'm in connecticut. in the last two weeks, i've been to connecticut, massachusetts, new jersey, philadelphia, new york...with a lot of repeats in between. i fly home tomorrow and then fly to romania on wednesday.

i need to do laundry.

the dog thing fell through and i'm really sad now every time i see one. i'm thinking about consoling myself with a good ol' trip to the dominican republic.

i need a job again. noodles and co wants to keep me but i'm kind of done with their shenanigans, unless something changes. my manager is supposed to call me this week. he hasn't called yet.

some guy named craig called the other day and offered that i could manage my own branch of citibank. when i asked how they got my name, he couldn't tell me. i think this is a scam.

someone invited me to join their bsdm threesome. i said no.

i'm really excited about romania.

oh! and kellie's play is being performed in NYC this weekend! which is awesome. and megan is getting married. also awesome. talia's not coming home this summer which is significantly less awesome.

i'm taking votes on where i should move.

on life

2009-04-27T21:14:00.002-04:00

i might get a dog. i'm very excited about the possibility. but it's probably a bad idea. but it's FREE and i WANT it lots.

anna is usually my voice of reason and she totally agrees with me. my family can only point out that i'm incapable of taking care of myself so how do i expect to care for a LIVING THING?!

my skirt is ripped and it's sad.

home for a few more days before my crazy month of travel! eep! i just printed off the flight confirmation for ROMANIA!! woo!!!!!!!

megan's engaged. cori's engaged. david's engaged. heather's engaged. elizabeth's engaged. allison's engaged. other...people are engaged. it's all very weird. good, mostly (save one), but weird.

i'm feeling very chill in a very cluttered way lately. enjoying the weather. reading books. feeling calmer than i have in a while. i mostly cleaned my apartment, but need to do dishes badly. but this dog seems like maybe a very good thing. we'll see.

i'm happy.

i just need to figure out what's happening when i get home in a month. anyone want me to live with you?

new orleans

2009-04-13T09:28:00.003-04:00

so kellie wants me to update this or something?

i'm in new orleans. surrounded by irritating high schoolers here to do volunteer work. i'm staying in a "mission" attached to a church, and they regularly host people who are working to Rebuild New Orleans (note the caps). today it's a bunch of irritating high schoolers. we've seen five groups leave or come in the last four days. and in case you were wondering, the house rules include the line "no canoodling." i asked the guy in charge what canoodling was, and his answer was...

"it's different for every age. it's different for married people than it is for college kids, and it's different for college kids than it is for high school kids, and if you're in junior high, well that's just illegal."

???

i love ridiculous old people. i slightly less than love being the third wheel when erik comes on these trips with melissa and me, but i like erik a lot, so i'll deal.

and i think the food or the smells in new orleans are making me sick. because this is unpleasant.

fifteen hour car ride home....GO!

oh, and ps: my phone is only sort of working right now. i can dial and receive calls, and the person on the other line can hear me. i just can't hear them.

i'm just like you when you were young

2009-01-26T19:41:00.002-05:00

listening to: caroline, some mix cd from megan

hey look! i'm still alive!

living in a hotel in springfield. they want me to move here but i'm not sure how i feel yet. i need to decide soon though.

may have totaled my car.

i love my apt. and people come visit me a lot. and i should never give my keys to people; ask why if you want to know.

i've watched about ten seconds of chuck and larry and it's painful.

life's been weird the last few months but good. things are generally very good. the last few weeks less so but it'll be good again soon.

i'm going to toronto for a few days this week for work, AND it looks LIKELY that we'll be going to JERUSALEM for CHRISTMAS which is just super awesome.

oh, and if anyone wants to help, i'm making a list of obscure love songs for a friend of mine. suggestions welcome.

one word meme

2009-01-26T18:33:00.002-05:00

1. Where is your cell phone? here
2. Your job? sucks
3. Your hair? brown
4. Your mother? is
5. Your father? tries
6. Your favorite thing? changes
7. Your dream last night? awesome
8. Favorite season? autumn
9. Your goal/ dream? contentment
10. The room you're in? hotel
11. Your hobby? movies
12. Your fear? isolation
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? stable
14. Where were you last night? noodles
15. What you are not? bored
16. Muffin? tops
17. One of your wish list items? comforter
18. Where you grew up? midwest
19. The last thing you did? explored
20. What are you wearing? clothes
21. Your TV? fails
22. Your pet? pretend
23. Your computer? overused
24. Your life? changing
25. Your mood? off
26. Missing someone? always
27. Your car? totaled
28. Something you're not wearing? socks
29. Favorite store? nonexistent
30. Your summer? commuting
31. Love someone? lots
32. Your favorite color? rainbow
33. When is the last time you laughed? yesterday
34. Last time you cried? PMSing
35. Who will resend this first? ningunos

baby i'm ready to go

2008-11-16T19:47:00.002-05:00

having no internet sucks.

having an apartment, however, is pretty much awesome.

had a total clerks day the other day. wasn't supposed to go to work, had to be in early, and everything went wrong, including ridiculous things that would've made for an excellent storyline to a cartoon sitcom. i spent most of the afternoon telling everyone "i'm not even supposed to be here today!!" two people got it.

officially getting a promotion at work. yay for more money. boo for being owned by the man. i'm thinking this job might kill me if i don't find something else soon. but it's good for now. and i'm glad that i'm still employed.

headed to indiana this weekend. yay for that.

boyfriend situation on the fritz.

been drinking frequently lately, just because that's what my friends are doing. i'm thinking maybe i should find a new pasttime. not really getting drunk though, usually.

missing the internet. missing people. loving living alone.

watching lots of movies. lots of movies.

need to catch up on the world's happenings though. ::disappears::

she's not a p.i.

2008-10-31T00:16:00.002-04:00

watching: the starter wife

sitting in my underwear at michelle's. she just helped me dye my hair and now i have to wait 25 minutes for it to set.

tonight, i sorted two gigantic bags of m&m's because brian wants orange and brown ones in the rice krispie bars tomorrow at work. apparently they don't have a halloween mix. ridic. he'd better appreciate this when he gets back from the hospital (he had surgery today).

i have an apartment now, and it's exciting. tonight i bought brownie mix so i can make presents for my neighbors. a thank-you to the lady across the hall who brought me lunch the other day, and a bribe for the boys upstairs so they will share their internet with me.

i may or may not have a boyfriend? he asked, and i said no, but for all practical purposes, we're totally together. i'm not entirely sure i want this. we'll see. right now, i'm just kind of going with it. kind of curious how it will end. details to follow.

it's time to wash this stuff out of my hair.

pants-on-head retarded

2008-10-13T08:28:00.002-04:00

michelle says "pants on head retarded" all the time, so it's in my brain. i don't think i'll ever use it in conversation though.

i'm itchy all over. stupid cat.

i also woke up really early and can't fall back asleep. i'm debating going for a run.

signed a lease on an apartment yesterday. yay!! i can move in any time starting tuesday. everyone should come visit.

it's weird, but i think i'll miss sleeping on people's couches a little bit. i'm tired of imposing, but it's nice having people around. last night i made michelle promise that we'd still hang out a lot.

speaking of hanging out a lot, i've been spending a ridiculous amount of time with some guy i met last sunday. not sure yet what's up with that, but it's fun for now. and he took me for a ride on his motorcycle the other day which was awesome.

also, i am a schmuck. a guy in the parking lot the other day asked for my phone number and i couldn't think of a good answer (he was really persistent) and now he's calling a LOT. four times in half an hour yesterday. it's starting to border on creepy. he wants to buy me dinner with his LINK card.

going to chicago for a few days with juliet. everyone should come visit.

your twenties

2008-10-07T10:45:00.000-04:00

life

i'm losing it

2008-10-07T09:49:00.002-04:00

watching: west wing

still living at michelle's. she kind of rocks my socks off. i wish i had internet access though. i finally am getting to use her computer, which lets me check my email, but i can't access it with my computer, so i can't send a few messages that i need.

i got a call last week about a potential job at steppenwolf, so as soon as i can, i'll send off my resume and a cover letter and see what happens with that.

i'm training at noodles for the assistant manager position. randy was getting stressed trying to train so many people, so now i'm training at the other store. jury's still out on whether or not this is a good idea. it went ok last night. today i'm back at my store because they need me.

went to a birthday party the other night. for a kid that i knew in high school, but never really liked. it was actually pretty awesome.

speaking of awesome, i got the coolest skirt in the history of EVER. i might have ripped it a little bit trying to walk up some stairs, but i think i can fix it. it makes me happy. (the skirt. not the rip.) it's colorful and flowy and happy.

this cat, conversely, makes me itchy.

i think that maybe i have an apartment??? i found a place a little over a week ago, and it's a pretty good deal. one bedroom. utilities included. month-to-month lease. brand new appliances, flooring, and paint. the lady actually called me the other day to find out what color i wanted the bathroom painted. the flooring guy was supposed to finish yesterday, and whenever he's done the landlady will call for me to view it one more time and then i can sign. whenever i have my next day off, i can hopefully move!! i'm loving living with people, but i'm ready to have my clothes in a closet instead of a suitcase, and i can sleep in a BED instead of on a couch or the floor. i can walk around naked if i want!

need to watch the vpresidential debates. any suggestions as to how? the bits i've seen make me like biden more, but apparently if i watch it, i'll fall in love with him (so says mike).

ran lights for a stillline show last weekend. pretty fun. got hit on by some weird frat kid. but i got free beer! and bad pickup lines. good times.

i should go shower or something. i've been sleeping weirdly lately, so i got up early and i'm running out of things to do.

that's a weird way to end this post.

who do you need? who do you love?

2008-09-15T23:47:00.002-04:00

listening to: come undone, duran duran

been living at katie's. moving to kyle's. not sure i really want to, and right now i'm procrastinating packing up the few things i have into my little suitcase and moving it over there. i promised i'd bring beer, so i still have to run to the store, too.

being a hobo sometimes is no fun.

job situation is still cloudy, with a chance of sunshine. hopefully the sun will peek out tomorrow?

(/attempt to be witty)

i have someone in this town that i can talk with about inappropriate subject matter! woohoo!

gonna run lights for a stillline show which i'm pretty excited about because i'm a big dork. i went to their practice yesterday in st louis and it was fun and they're pretty decently good which is exciting and their practice space rocks my socks OFF. if they let me go back with them in two weeks, i'm bringing a camera.

i've had my camera in my car for SO LONG and i never take it out and snap pictures. and even if i do, i never get them off of my camera. i should maybe work on that.

need to have more money and a few weeks off so i can visit all the people all over the country that i want to see. damn you all for living so far away.

but that aside, my friends totally rock. i keep being reminded of this as i'm being forced to rely on everyone else for absolutely EVERYTHING lately. hopefully i can be as gracious in the future. though i hope no one else ever has to be homeless. but if you do, totally call me for realz. k?

there was a boy

2008-09-09T23:23:00.002-04:00

listening to: nature boy, moulin rouge soundtrack

i can't breathe and it's very uncomfortable. stupid allergies.

worked a whole bunch today and now i'm kind of really exhausted, but my brain isn't tired enough to fall asleep. it's only 10:30. i didn't get to bed 'till 5 last night. (this morning?). i'm trying to muster the energy to put on a different shirt and go to the store to buy, and subsequently consume a bottle of wine. but it just takes so much EFFORT.

watched all of the OC because i'm just that cool.

living on a couch. all of my stuff is in storage. i'm a big mooch. but at least i have kickass friends who have couches.

got a promotion at work. now i'm a manager in training. what i'm training FOR is still a big question mark. for everyone. but at least it's a start.

and apparently theatre y is on hold, which is frustrating, but whatev. the rest of my life is on hold too, so what difference is one more?!

baker's square is closed and now i don't know where i will go to ever eat pie again.

ice cream actually sounds kind of good right now too.

i need to do laundry like woah.

i've discovered i have this stupid habit i've developed where i love to read, but i distract myself by watching movies or things of that nature, and then when i finally settle with a book, i read the whole damn thing in one sitting, regardless of the length (i'm sure exceptions would be made in the case of sheer ridiculousness, but this is the trend so far). i love reading. i just need to find a way to do it at home and not just when i'm out.

i think i'm going to try to sleep. we'll see.

where to put my foot next

2008-08-25T15:05:00.002-04:00

listening to: it hasn't happened yet, william shatner

have i mentioned how awesomely bad this album is?

this album = awesomely bad.

CALLING ALL PEOPLE WITH RECENT PICTURES OF ME

I need one. badly. for playing cards that will apparently have my face on them. i don't know. ask megan the red. but the only pictures i have of me are from halloween or when you can't see my whole face. i feel like these are not permissible wedding playing card images of me. someone should fix it.

my apartment lacks any furniture. and internet access, but fortunately i can still occasionally steal it. it's also lacking a roommate now. it's kinda lonely. sleeping on the floor at night in an empty apartment. oh well. in a week i'll be homeless.

oh.

CALLING ALL PEOPLE WITH SPARE ROOMS/COUCHES

i might be calling you for a place to stay. totally going to be homeless very soon. using katie's house as my forwarding address. stressing slightly about this. but my friends are awesome.

several years ago, i was fighting with my parents (one of the many times) and my mom for whatever reason was informing me that my friends shouldn't matter so much because when things got hard, it'd be my family that would support me, not my friends. my friends would leave me someday, but my family would always be there. this is proving profoundly untrue. my family is around, and i had lunch with them on sunday, but i can't say that we've had a real conversation in a long time, and if i need something, they're the last people i turn to. i'm sure they'd help if i needed it, but i'm not sure it's out of love so much as obligation. i'm way more excited about being a continuing mooch and sleeping on couches. could be kind of fun until everyone gets sick of me.

some of my friends are settling into "real life" with jobs and spouses and babies and houses and whatever. it's weird. part of me wants a little bit of that (the stability, anyway) but this is fun. and ridiculous.

i think i might roadtrip pretty soon. indiana, colorado, texas, new york, los angeles, somewhere.

been one of those days...what's the hurry?

2008-08-19T10:22:00.002-04:00

listening to: have you got it in you, imogean heap

sent my resume to a few companies this morning via kat hay, and already know that the hr woman at one place intends to view it right away.

as soon as i get back revisions from my dad, i'm sending one to pioneer for a job with a mind-boggling salary of 40K. what the hell would i DO with that much money?! VISIT PEOPLE obv.

also sent my resume to noodles and co, per request. why they want my resume, however, is still a complete mystery. i didn't know they needed resumes for shift manager. hopefully randy and i are having a meeting today and i will understand what's going on.

there's hope that i won't be homeless forever. still want to send it out to a few lighting houses in chicago, but i think i did enough for one morning. will finish those this afternoon.

life is shifting quickly! dan's moving home this weekend, and then going to LA next week (just for a visit - he's hoping to move there in feb). i only live here for ~~two more weeks~~ a week and a half, with no subsequent plans yet. life's getting interesting.

and we have some SERIOUSLY AWESOME POSSIBILITIES for a new director for the theatre y show, since the last director died on us rather suddenly.

WOO POSSIBILITIES!!

i don't need to be rescued, so put me down, punk

2008-08-09T12:08:00.002-04:00

listening to: ani, not a pretty girl

apparently i'm on an ani kick and i didn't even realize it.

saw titus last night at shakespeare fest. not to awesome. not bad, but not as bloody as i'd hoped. though it was funny watching the girls in front of me get grossed out. one of the actors seemed to have a bit of trouble keeping a straight face while she had no hands, no tongue, and then someone stuck a plastic bag with a bloody hand between her teeth. still definitely enjoyed it though. i don't go to plays frequently enough.

tonight i'm supposed to go to lunkers with michelle and dennis and i think i'm going to make bret go too. i'm a little bit terrified. it's karaoke night. i'm just going for moral support. apparently last time, dennis sang bohemian raphsody.

bret and i were trying to explain to dan last night who dennis is. i think this is my favorite description. dennis is a huge tool (much more than rob). and he's an artist of sorts. so there was a time where dennis drew a series of cartoons about a girl, and him, and informed everyone that he didn't have time to date because he needed to devote his time to his cartoon girlfriend.

dan and bret spent all night discovering how not nerdy i am, while watching cowboy bebop, and discussing games and movies that were apparently really popular, that i've never heard of.

i can't decide if having friends like this makes me the lamest person ever...or the coolest.

i am beyond your peripheral vision

2008-08-08T11:39:00.002-04:00

listening to: ani, 32 flavors

at what point does life actually start to take direction? it seems like everyone i know is just biding their time, waiting for something to happen. me included, for def.

not sure what i'll be doing or where i'll be living in 2 and a half weeks. life's an adventure.

maybe i should sell everything i own and backpack through europe or something.

life is stagnant. that'd be one way to fix that.

you know what else is stagnant? my laundry. i need to wash that shit SO BADLY!

mitch and kristin are going to have a baby. i'm having trouble feeling genuinely happy, and i feel bad that i'm not happy for them. i'm just too used to pregnancies not being a good thing. katie and i were discussing birth control the other night and she thinks there's a social stigma against it, and people will perceive you more negatively for using it, but i disagreed. until i was with a friend last night and she was hiding her birth control and embarrassed when it fell out of her purse. she lives with her boyfriend! why is this a big deal?!

going to see titus at shakespeare fest tonight if i can find someone to work for me. pretty excited about that. haven't been to a show in a while.

if you've called me recently and i haven't responded, try again. things have been a bit odd lately.

i want to go to indiana and visit m.e.d.

only eight more hours to go

2008-08-01T16:26:00.001-04:00

listening to: bela et al

today, i talked to m.e.d.

my life is awesome.

i don't wanna feel like i did that day

2008-07-27T23:45:00.002-04:00

i got fired today.

now what?

edit: let me just tell you how much my friends are truly awesome. because they really are.

facebook

2008-07-23T05:16:00.002-04:00

listening to: don't stand so close to me, the police

i've started categorizing my life in facebook statuses. mostly ones that i can't actually use on facebook. i think i just like the oversimplification of boiling down my life status into one sentence.

michelle is ridiculously jealous.
michelle wants what you've got.
michelle wants some people to shut the hell up.
michelle cannot be reached via facebook.
michelle is tired of egocentricism.
michelle says WTF!?
michelle is starting to wonder if she literally needs new friends.
michelle is fed up.
michelle got kicked out.
michelle needs megan to call her.
michelle needs someone to explain her life to her because it stopped making sense.
michelle is cleaning up everyone else's lives.
michelle is terrified of spiders.
michelle is lonely.
michelle needs hugs.

hm. that might work.

i hate facebook.

but i looooove coffee. and i love talia because she cleaned up the spider that i killed last night with my garbage can. ew.

i need to be up in one hour and i still haven't slept. what the heck is wrong with me?

why's the sunshine so wonderful

2008-07-22T05:36:00.003-04:00

listening to: something so beautiful, emma

i need to drink less coffee.

it's late.

but i needed to make that post not be at the top of my page anymore.

i also need less drama in my life.

dan makes fun of me for sleeping on the couch all the time, but every time i come home late, he's sleeping on the couch. DOUBLE STANDARDS!!!!!!!

in the last 24 hours, i've been told that i'm not assertive, high strung, and not happy. all of these seem contradictory to everything everyone else has ever observed about me, including myself. time for an existential crisis? whatever. mostly, i just think it's funny.

edit: there is a spider in my bathroom, and it's either hiding under the garbage can or i squishe=ed it. either way, there's now a garbage can in the middle of my bathroom.

fuck

2008-07-19T21:17:00.001-04:00

fucking wheremburg has stopped me from seeing dark knight TWICE now, and my dad's kicked me out of the house for being upset.

fuck it.

once in a lifetime opportunity!!

2008-07-11T18:02:00.002-04:00

i have the time, but don't have the patience.

therefore, if anyone wants, i'll pay you $5 to make my blog not suck. really, all you have to do is go find me a template off the internet and put it on. because i hate this one, but don't care enough to do anything about it.

price negotiable. payable once it's done.

went camping, which was good times.

confused about some things, but it'll all work out.

wishing i was drinking more wine lately. maybe i'm not feeling classy enough.

but life is good and the weather is lovely and i have great friends and i'm not as poor this month as i sometimes am.

and if i could ever focus on ANYTHING, i'd have some very lovely stories for you too.

i'm a long time traveling

2008-06-25T15:54:00.002-04:00

I think I maybe want to be friends with him.

safely back from oklahoma. going back on thursday.

talked to m.e.d. after YEARS of phone tag (or possibly just weeks - but it was still a really long time)

burned the SHIT out of my arm yesterday on a bowl of soup. i'm such a klutz. hopefully it's not as bad as it feels right now. and i look like a cutter because i have it all wrapped up to protect it a little bit.

in the office alone today. it's quiet and boring. but it think they're bringing me chocolate cake tomorrow.

melissa and i were laying on the trunk of our borrowed car the other night looking up at the oklahoma sky, and i realized that, in spite of the craziness that is my life, it really does totally rock. occasionally it hits me that i really am loving every minute of this.