Hot Dogs, Pretzels, and Perplexing Questions

Meh

2008-07-12T10:33:00.003-05:00

I need a fresh start. Maybe a new blog. I don't know. Not much to say. Losing interest. No other explanation. Just bored. Carry on.

Unbelievable

2008-06-04T12:11:00.002-05:00

Even more bad news for Texas students and teachers, this time from the New York Times. Board Chairman Don McLeroy brings teh burnin' stupid.

Dr. McLeroy believes that Earth’s appearance is a recent geologic event — thousands of years old, not 4.5 billion. “I believe a lot of incredible things,” he said, “The most incredible thing I believe is the Christmas story. That little baby born in the manger was the god that created the universe.”

Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.

But Dr. McLeroy says his rejection of evolution — “I just don’t think it’s true or it’s ever happened” — is not based on religious grounds. Courts have clearly ruled that teachings of faith are not allowed in a science classroom, but when he considers the case for evolution, Dr. McLeroy said, “it’s just not there.”

“My personal religious beliefs are going to make no difference in how well our students are going to learn science,” he said.

I'll believe ya when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.

Shifting Blame and Veiled Threats

2008-06-04T11:16:00.001-05:00

From the San Antonio Express-News and the Houston Chronicle, more bad news for Texas students and teachers.

[Vice Chairman David Bradley, R-Beaumont] and the board majority faulted English teachers for forcing too much of their own ideas into a proposal the board had tentatively approved two months earlier. That's why board members had to salvage a final document with a last-hour cut and paste job, he said.

“I don't think this will happen again because they got spanked,” Bradley said. “Science teachers should work with the board on their process and not try to do an end run around this elected body and steal the process.”

Fuck you very much.

“We want our children to be able to think and understand the strengths and weaknesses of any theory. Some ultra-radical groups have not evolved to the point where they realize that the ‘theory of Evolution' is just that — a theory,” [Board member Ken Mercer, R-San Antonio] said.

Well, isn't that clever?

“Any real scientist understands there are major weaknesses in evolution,” said Mercer, who has a degree in biology from the University of Texas at Austin. “If we truly believe in intellectual debate, let's discuss those weaknesses.”

And no true Scotsman ever put sugar on his porridge.

“There are issues in the evolutionary process that have been proven wrong,” [Vice Chairman Bradley] said. “Evolution is not fact. Evolution is a theory and, as such, cannot be proven. Students need to be able to jump to their own conclusions.”

Not so fast.

"Part of preparing our students for postsecondary success includes providing them with a well-rounded education," [Barabar Cargill, R-The Woodlands] said. "Having the freedom to discuss the scientific strengths and weaknesses of a theory such as evolution teaches students how to evaluate both sides of an issue. It prompts them to be critical thinkers, and it also helps them to respect the opinions of other students even if they disagree."

In that case, we should probably teach students how to spot a blatantly false dilemma.

Crudely Wrought

2008-05-24T21:04:00.006-05:00

Yesterday I mentioned that I recently applied to a teacher certification program at a nearby state university and was accepted. Good news. I elected to teach high school English. Bad news. I don't know what the fuck just happened to the curriculum standards. Nobody knows...

The State Board of Education's debate on new English and reading standards took another turn Friday as members approved a never-before-seen version of the lengthy document that materialized less than an hour before the board was to take a final vote.

After a terse debate on the new curriculum, the board voted 9-6 in favor of the new version, which will remain in place for the next decade and sets standards for state tests and textbooks, as well as classroom teaching.

Experts and teachers have been working on the new curriculum standards for two and a half years.

"I find it's really wild that we can work for three years on a project and then the board is so qualified they can pull it out of their [asses] overnight," said board member Pat Hardy, a Fort Worth Republican who, like other board members, received the substituted document when it was slipped under her hotel room door less than an hour before their meeting was set to convene Friday morning.

...with the exception of Chairman Don McLeroy and several other members of the Texas State Board of Education.

After first saying he would not give board members time to go over the new document during the meeting, Chairman Don McLeroy, a Republican from College Station, relented and allowed a short run through of the new document with an explanation of the changes.

But the squabbling did not end there.

"Mr. Chair you're going so fast ... you're moving so fast we can't find it in the other document," Berlanga said, shortly after the page-by-page explanation began.

After more complaints, McLeroy said that he would continue at the fast pace.

"The ruling is you're being dilatory in dragging this out," McLeroy said.

It hasn't even been a week since I got the acceptance letter in the mail and I'm already having second thoughts about teaching. Encouragement, please. Thanks in advance.

Killing Time

2008-05-23T21:01:00.002-05:00

So, what have I been up to? Well, let's see. I read a few good books, including:

Evolution: The Triumph of an Idea by Carl Zimmer
The Adventure of English: The Biography of A Language by Melvyn Bragg
Freethinkers: A History of American Secularism by Susan Jacoby
The Age of American Unreason by Susan Jacoby
Founding Faith: Providence, Politics, and the Birth of Religious Freedom in America by Steven Waldman
Mistakes Were Made (but not by me) by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson

In that order. I'm currently reading Your Inner Fish by Neil Shubin. Next up is The Story of English by Robert McCrum, Robert MacNeil, and William Cran.

Also, I've been downloading a lot of music from Beatport, mostly Electro House. Here are some of my favorite tracks at the moment, in no particular order:

"Everything in America" (Luki remix) by Ryan Riback
"Stars" (JELO remix) by Dylan Rhymes and Blende
"Explicit" by Montero
"Cream Royale" by Morfeen
"Implant" by Speculum
"Bad Fever" by Alex Dias
"Substation" (Ahmet Sendil remix) by Nihat Karadeniz
"Come To Me" by Adam K
"Hearing Test" by Stafford Brothers
"Dance Machine" by Digital Freq
"Stomped" by Redux
"Gutter Music" by Hatiras
"It Doesn't Matter" (En Masse remix) by Ninfa
"Control" (Toygun remix) by Homm and Popoviciu

Eight years of spinning vinyl and I've finally decided to go digital. The 1200s are collecting dust. It's a damn shame. For now I'm using MixMeister to hold me over until I can get my hands on the new VCI-100 by Vestax, bundled with the latest version of Traktor by Native Instruments. That should be enough to get me started.

In other news, I recently applied to a teacher certification program at a nearby state university and was accepted. I'll have more to say about that some other time. I'm off to get some beer.

Move Along

2008-03-17T17:20:00.000-06:00

Nothing to see here.

I'm taking a vacation from the blog-o-sphere, indefinitely.

Is it just me...

2008-03-11T20:05:00.000-06:00

...or can this church sign be understood in more ways than one?

Ted Nugent ain't got no soul

2008-03-09T22:00:00.003-06:00

Ted Nugent, once The Motor City Madman, now Texas Wildman, is a weekly contributor to the Waco Tribune-Herald. In his latest article, The Nuge takes a shot at "Defining 'soulless' in America".

God gave man a soul, a powerful, instinctual moral and intellectual True North compass, something that completely differentiates us from all other living creatures.

Animals stomp, kill and eat each other, even their own, to survive. Man has the power of reason, of calculation, of dreaming. Man can choose to do good.

That's what makes us the most dangerous game of all.

Respecting the gift of life and the power of responsible choice, man can pursue complete happiness while being a positive force for all things.

When man experiences personal benefits from wrong choices at the expense of others and the environment, he has lost his soul.

And then it's open season on your sorry ass.

His misdeeds will eventually catch up with him. In the meantime, the majority of good people will be forced to perform damage control.

That is the feeble and pathetic condition of soullessness. All mankind should fight and strive to banish those who so callously disregard the good of others. Apathy shows no soul.

What's good for The Nuge is good for everyone. If you disagree, then you ain't got no soul.

The abandonment of common sense, logic and self-evident truths has brought about this incredibly stupid suicide of the American soul.

People actually feel comfortable making these chimp-like choices.

Those of us who know better must galvanize and put pressure on those ruining things for everybody.

Indecent behavior and choices must be demonized and condemned and those guilty ostracized from our society.

Anybody without a gun, and a knife, and a handkerchief, and a ChapStick, get the fuck outta here!

Tasty Search Fun - February 2008

2008-03-06T18:16:00.006-06:00

big tits blogspot: You've come to the wrong place. Care for a big wiener instead?

hot dog in a can: PETA does not approve.

atheist oath texas: It doesn't exist...

unusual fucking: Welcome to the internet. Be more specific.

why do dogs fuck humans: Because they're horny?

i can was hot dog: Ur doin' it wrong.

HANGING HOTDOGS: Bigot.

big tits among us: Sent to lead astray the mammary obsessed.

is hot dogs good for you to lose weight: No.

dane cook is very far from funny: Which is to say he is not funny.

HOW LONG CAN HOT DOGS SIT OUT FOR: Ask me nicely.

pictures of my wiener: Posted in /b/.

how to burn hot dogs with circuits: Just stick one in an electrical socket and see what happens.

trunks and pan hot images: Dragon Ball GT meets hentai.

"to define is to limit": Whatever you say, Lord Henry Wotton.

Adventures In Meatspace

2008-03-04T18:27:00.008-06:00

Sorry for not posting anything in over a week. I've been taking care of a few things in meatspace.

It's official. I no longer reside in the fair city of Austin. Now all I have to do is unpack everything.

I'll be in Houston this weekend to sell my old drum set to a friend who has more use for it than I do at this point. Oh, and maybe I'll go to the zoo.

The following weekend I might be in Austin for the Electronic Music Festival at Sky Lounge. I'll be there Saturday night to hear Deadmau5 spin records, and to see a live performance by The Crystal Method.

Also, I got a new ~~internet hate machine~~ laptop. It cost slightly less than fixing the busted one. Go figure.

Texan for Pseudoscientific Douchebaggery

2008-02-21T20:07:00.010-06:00

I would like to take a moment to call your attention to the target rich environment that is Texans for Better Science Education. Do not be fooled. It should be called Texan for Pseudoscientific Douchebaggery. The aptly named Texas Citizens for Science tells us The True Story.

Turns out the organization is a one man show, paid for and run by a pseudoscientific douchebag named Mark Ramsey, who advocates teaching the "strengths and weaknesses" of evolution. And from the looks of it, his website is anything but intelligently designed. He must be in desperate need of volunteers. Apply now!

See for yourself the franticly posted news updates in multi-colored, randomly emphasized text on the front page. Look hard enough and there you will find more of the same old canards and oft repeated lies, damned lies, and quote mines. Dare to subscribe and you will receive the occasional poorly formatted newsletter. You might also notice not one, but two banners proudly displayed on either side of every page, shamelessly promoting the upcoming movie Expelled, sure to be a big hit with pseudoscientific douchebags the world over.

Recently asked why he behaves like such a pseudoscientific douchebag, the one and only Mark Ramsey had this to say:

"Emphatically, we are not trying to 'take evolution out of the schools.' All good educators know that when students are taught both sides of an issue such as biologic evolution, they understand each side better. What are the Darwinists afraid of?"

Spoken like a true pseudoscientific douchebag.

But wait, there's more! Make sure you read his collection of historic quotes. Scroll all the way down and be the first to submit one of your favorites! Do it for the lulz.

Brutal Awakening

2008-02-21T09:21:00.001-06:00

If dancing myself to sleep is what I like to do late at night, then I should wake myself up in the morning by going brutal. (WARNING: turn your speakers down.)

%$#@!!!11!!1!!!!!

2008-02-20T21:32:00.011-06:00

My laptop died today. So it goes.

It's in the shop, and I've just been informed that the hard drive is FUBAR. Why me? I know, that's a very Earthling question to ask.

I have access to other computers, obviously. The problem is other people like to use them. Hell is other people (IRL).

Grab the Nearest Book

2008-02-18T21:06:00.001-06:00

Evil Bender has just tagged me with a meme that's been making the rounds. The rules are simple.

1. Grab the nearest book (that is at least 123 pages long).
2. Open to p. 123.
3. Go down to the 5th sentence.
4. Type in the following 3 sentences.
5. Tag five people.

Next to my bed I have a copy of Slaughterhouse-Five by the late Kurt Vonnegut. Let's see, I'm in a mental institution on page 129, so flipping to page 123 it seems I've come unstuck again. Now I'm back in that awful prison camp.

There was a silence now, as the Englishmen looked in astonishment at the frowsy creatures they had so lustily waltzed inside. One of the Englishmen saw that Billy was on fire. "You're on fire, lad!" he said, and he got Billy away from the stove and beat out the sparks with his hands.

So it goes.

I'll tag Akusai, Dikkii, Infophile, JanieBelle, and Tom Foss. Enjoy.

McLeroy says what?

2008-02-15T18:50:00.005-06:00

Don't ask me why, but the other day I stopped by Don McLeroy's personal website. I hadn't been there in a long while. Maybe I just wanted to see what the Chairman of the Texas State Board of Education was up to in his spare time. And to my surprise, I noticed that McLeroy had since posted his Thoughts on Naturalism and Intelligent Design, the now infamous Sunday school lecture, as if it were something to be proud of. So today I went looking for a memorable howler that goes a little something like this:

"Remember keep chipping away at the objective empirical evidence." (my emphasis)

That's how it appears in the transcript produced by the Texas Freedom Network, and what it sounds like on the audio recording exposed by the Texas Observer. But in his notes I found a line that instead reads as follows:

"Remember, keep chipping away with objective empirical evidence." (my emphasis)

I'm not quite sure what to make of all this. Was it a Freudian slip? Did he innocently misspeak? Or could it be that he edited the text after the fact? Either way, I don't think it makes that much of a difference. They have no objective empirical evidence of their own to chip away with, just the objective empirical evidence they stubbornly attempt to chip away at, and to no avail. I'll leave the discovery of any other discrepancies as an exercise for the reader, at least for now.

Patriotism

2008-02-13T18:49:00.001-06:00

In his concluding remarks about the most recent Ahistorical garbage from the producers of Expelled, PZ Myers had this to say:

Don't you just love how they wrap themselves in the flag, the bill of rights, and the first amendment while trying to force their religious ideology into the schools? Patriotism really is the last refuge of the scoundrel.

I was reminded of something Sinclair Lewis once said: "When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in a flag and carrying a cross." And one Google search later I had found a suitable image for my first motivational poster.

Inspiring, no?

Extraordinarily Thick-Headed

2008-02-09T07:57:00.001-06:00

I'm currently reading Memoirs of Extraordinary Popular Delusions and the Madness of Crowds, by Charles Mackay, first published in 1841. I've been trying to finish it for quite some time now. I last put it down for so long that I should probably read the first several hundred pages again. At the moment I'm finishing up a chapter about the witch mania in Europe and thought I'd share the following excerpt from the story he tells of a particular trial that took place in Sweden during the year 1669. I couldn't help but laugh out loud.

One of them, the parson of the district, stated, in the course of the inquiry, that on a particular night, which he mentioned, he had been afflicted with a headache so agonising, that he could not account for it otherwise than by supposing he was bewitched. In fact, he thought a score of witches must have been dancing on the crown of his head. This announcement excited great horror among the pious dames of the auditory, who loudly expressed their wonder that the devil should have power to hurt so good a man. One poor witch, who lay in the very jaws of death, confessed that she knew too well the cause of the minister's headache. The devil had sent her with a sledge-hammer and a large nail to drive into the good man's skull. She had hammered at it for some time, but the skull was so enormously thick, that she made no impression upon it. Every hand was held up in astonishment. The pious minister blessed God that his skull was so solid, and he became renowned for his thick head all the days of his life. Whether the witch intended a joke does not appear, but she was looked upon as a criminal more than usually atrocious. (pages 569-70, original emphasis)

I take it the accused witch had nothing to lose. She may as well have the last laugh. And it comes as no surprise to me that the deluded parson would take such pride in the crown of his ignorance. The joke must have flown right over his extraordinarily thick head.

"Smells Like Content"

2008-02-08T11:22:00.000-06:00

I got to see The Books perform this song live a couple of years ago at The Parish on 6th Street in Austin. I had to sneak out of a night class a bit early to get there. It was worth the trouble. Enjoy.

If I were a book, would you read me?

2008-02-05T05:54:00.000-06:00

Well, I'm still up, so I may as well post another meme. I came across this Book Quiz by way of Evil Bender (he's not all bad, just misunderstood).

You're The Catcher in the Rye!

by J.D. Salinger

You are surrounded by phonies, and boy are you sick of them! In an ongoing struggle to search for a land without phonies, you end up running away from everything, from school to consequences. In this process, you reveal that many people in your life have suffered torments and all you really want to do is catch them as they fall. Perhaps using a baseball mitt. Your biggest fans are infamous psychotics.

It suits me well, and I should probably read it again. I've even got multiple copies. Why are you laughing, man?

What Kind of God Would You Be?

2008-02-05T03:37:00.000-06:00

The illustrious Tom Foss of Dubito Ergo Sum has blessed us all with a meme of his own creation. He asks: What Kind of God Would You Be?

List at least four things that you'd do if you were God. Assume the same thing I did: you're omnipotent (do the logically impossible!) and whatever you do will work out fine with the laws of physics, such as they are.

I am become Bob, the almighty prankster God.

The divinely inspired Word of Yours Truly will be translated by a semi-literate 12-year-old AOL user in an undeserved position of authority. "IN DA BGINNG WAS TEH WORD LOL!11!!1! AND DA WORD WAS WIT GOD AND DA WORD WAS GOD!1!!!1!11 OMG WTF!!1!1!"

For the sake of posterity, articles of The One True Faith™ are to be painstakingly transcribed with disappearing ink.

Musicians who are foolish enough to write a song about Me will be mocked by the voice of Satan in the heads of all their adoring fans. Playing the record forwards or backwards makes no difference.

The Pope will smoke a lot of dope and sit on a throne made entirely of whoopee cushions.

Terrorists who seek to glorify My Name by strapping explosives to their chests (the nerve of some people) will magically transform into human piñatas. Upon detonation their victims are instead showered with harmless biodegradable confetti and bombarded with delicious sugar-free treats.

The Ark of the Covenant will be a can of peanut brittle.

Rather than go to all the trouble of burying dinosaur fossils everywhere, like some lesser deity with an extraordinarily dark sense of humor, I would test the faith of My chosen people by scrawling "God wuz not here" on the bathroom wall.

Evidence for any conspiracy of BIBLICAL PROPORTIONS will point directly to the source of its theory. Always one step ahead of themselves.

Travel back in time, commit suicide, declare Myself dead. The look on Nietzsche's face? Priceless.

Please forgive Me. I did it for the lulz.

Tasty Search Fun - January 2008

2008-02-03T23:04:00.000-06:00

As promised, tasty search fun.

i can haz hot dogs: Only if you promise that I can has a hotdog, too.

what is in my hotdogs: All kinds of shit.

when was the first hot dog sent into outer space: I don't know, but rumor has it that astronaut David Thomas smuggled hot dog sauce aboard the shuttle Columbia one time.

dogs with big tits: I see a pattern emerging.

dogs fucking people: Okay, that's enough! Seriously, you people are fucked up.

religious history of pretzels: See also panis quadragesimalis.

the effect of fire on pretzels: Turn or burn!

why do people think dane cook is funny: I have no idea, but rest assured with each passing day more and more people are searching for the answer.

what is the most difficult silly profound question you can think of in science: Why do people think Dane Cook is funny?

sentences with superfluous: This sentence is superfluous.

skepchick ejaculation: You won't see that on the next calender.

Meta-what now?

2008-02-03T19:35:00.000-06:00

As you may or may not have noticed, I haven't said much of anything lately [insert lame excuse].

I see that Dikkii and Akusai recently tweaked their blogs, which I've been meaning to do ever since I nearly tore mine to pieces, though I was able to resist the temptation to press the big orange delete button. I need to put up a recent comments module, rework all of the tags, restore convenient access to the archives, add some more links to fun stuff, update the blogroll, etc.

From this day forward the comments are wide open, but spam will be deleted on sight. That being said, I should probably leave comments elsewhere more often, and stop pretending to be one of those deaf-mutes.

Not too long ago my brother revealed that I'm gaining "experience [points] wielding a soldering iron" and that I have a "growing pile of transistors, resistors, eyes of newt, and other arcane components." I'm no where near building a robot, much less a hive mind. I've only just begun to experiment with simple analog circuits that generate audible synthetic waveforms. In other words, I like to make electronic noise the old school way. I'll try posting some robot porn in the near future, but keep in mind that I'm just a humble newbie when it comes to building circuits from scratch.

Speaking of analog sound, I've mentioned before that I enjoy spinning vinyl records, (otherwise known as "DJing" to those of you not averse to using acronyms as verbs). I'll find a way to introduce the twins, and subject you all to my poor taste in music.

I haven't posted any tasty search fun in months, but I'll try to serve some up later, just as soon as I fix the old and busted time machine.

And be patient, Tom. I dig the meme. Just taking my sweet ass time.

I've got some other ideas, but that's all I'd like to say for now.

TENORI-ON

2008-01-31T19:12:00.000-06:00

Remember that Reactable thingy? Well, now I'd rather have one of these. But the price will have to come down quite a bit ($1200).

Here's looking at you...

2008-01-30T14:50:00.000-06:00

...Redland Baptist Church.

Little did they know...[insert maniacal laughter].

LOL Brain In A Vat!

2008-01-29T19:39:00.000-06:00

I found this template a while back and just thought of a caption.

Submit your own in the comments.