Mommy Menagerie

The Big Picture Of Parenting

2008-11-13T20:14:00.001-08:00

I have been thinking about what effect we, as parents, really do have on our children. Parents have always been concerned for the welfare of their kids, but it seems that more and more parents are becoming very anxious, even frantic, that they have to raise their children perfectly...or else. Like there's some magical place where if you have done enough, you can guarantee that they will be president, and along with that, an inherent assumption that if you don't do enough for your kids they are going to turn out badly.
Has this always been the case, or is it a product of our modern society?

Think about it:

Back in the day, food was set on the table, usually meat and potatoes where I lived, and either you ate when it was there or you didn't eat. Mother did not have the time to spend hovering over every bite taken, every fruit rainbow, or whether the veggies were served as little boats with cheese triangle sails. Oh, no. The food was set out, then cleared off, end of story.

Back then, preschool was three kids in the neighborhood who met at your house for songs, coloring and graham crackers. Now preschools are hotly contested, waiting-list-since-you-were-born schools with grade-school curiculum.

Back then, physical fitness was a matter of opening the door and letting your kids roam through the neighborhood. Now it's structured playdates, competitive sports clubs...or just video games.

Maybe it's partly a byproduct of our mobile society, where most people are no longer raising their children in the same neighborhoods where they grew up, and there is less of a built-in parent support system. Maybe it's partly because people are having less children they are more vested, and anxious, that the ones they have turn out well. Are we more competitive? Or maybe it is because we have more and more mothers of our generation who have had careers before children, bring the micromanaging home and feel the need to manage their children into greatness. I don't know.

I admit, I find myself making mountains out of molehills when it comes to my children, but I was talking to a colleague of mine who put it into perspective for me. She said, "Think about all those people who come from the slums, from adversity and horrific circumstances that no child should have to live in, and they rise to greatness. Then think about all those we know who had loving, committed parents and still turned their lives into a mess." The point is, there are no guarantees in parenting. There is nothing you can do which will guarantee that your child will or will not do certain things. So why are we so sure that if we do "enough" we can make them turn out well?

Obviously, I am not arguing that we as parents stop trying. I believe that it is our most important job we will EVER do, to raise up a child in the way they should go. And I believe that it should take our best efforts. But I also believe that there is a certain aire of panic surrounding parenting nowadays that is unwarranted and only serves to discourage parents who rarely feel like they are doing "enough." We try so hard because we love our kids, but really, all we can do is try. I hope that you stop and remember that it's not going to ruin your child if they don't start violin when they're three, get into the best preschool or eat leafy greens for every meal. It'll be ok. We all turned out ok, and for the most part, so will our kids.

Relax, you are doing enough.

Two Little Girls

2008-11-08T20:25:00.000-08:00

I've been watching vintage Sesame Street with my little girl. Most of the good oldies are on youtube. This was one of my favorites and she loves it too. Did you watch this one when you were little?

A Mom's Perogative

2008-11-05T13:49:00.000-08:00

So admit it, you eat your kid's Halloween candy. I knew it. We all do. This year we had a particularly large haul, in fact, I think the candy overwhelmed my kids, since I NEVER buy candy.

In our house, they have free reign of the candy for a few days, and then the rest goes with daddy to work and we move on. This year, however, there is so much that they could hardly put a dent in it. My kids sorted it by type, color, and chocolate/not chocolate. I'm so glad I have organized kids. It was also very sweet to see my son trade my daughter his suckers and smartees for all her chocolate, since she's lactose intolerant and can't have any of that. He would say, "I like these, but they don't have milk, so I'll give them to Sissy." Sweet boy.

So, now for the best part: what do you look forward to nibbling out of their bags? My favorites are Butterfingers, especially those new Crispy ones, Kit Kat (you can tell I have a thing for the wafers) and Almond Joy. What do you dive for when the candy comes rolling in?

2008-11-04T11:44:00.000-08:00

I have mixed feelings about this election. No one knows the results yet. But I think that this election will be historic, for sure. I have been pleased to see so many people start to care about issues and try to get informed and feel like their vote will count. The apathy that our country had slipped into was really a sad and scary thing. But the emotionally charged issues have also brought out the ugliness in people too. On the news are stories about people expressing their freedom of speech in appropriate ways, and it ends in fist fights or property destruction. I had a bumper sticker ripped off my car and yard signs stolen.

I have been using most of my discretionary time volunteering with a campaign that is very important to me, so we've been out rallying and being involved. I thought about shielding my son from all this, especially the hate. But I finally decided that it was a great teaching moment. I wanted him to see that his mom and dad stand up for what we believe, even if it 's hard. I think it has been a good lesson. He understands how lucky we are to live in a country where we get to choose, and I have really been glad for the election to be so many teachable moments for my kids.

That said, frankly, I will be SO glad when it's all done. Almost every commercial on tv has been for prop this or prop that, it's all anyone talks about wherever you turn, it's overload and I'm so tired of it, lets just get it over with! Hope you voted!

2008-10-28T12:05:00.000-07:00

Let me introduce you to my kids: there’s my six-year-old son, strapping first-born boy who is all about legos, transformers and keeping his little sister away from his things. My two-year-old daughter is a loud, stubborn, good-thing-she’s-so-cute kind of tornado who likes babies, making messes and teasing her brother. My kids are just shy of four years apart, and the age span plus the different genders makes it so that they rarely ever get along when it comes to playing. He’s at the “make intricate city models” stage and she’s at the “knock down everything in sight” stage. It’s not been a good combination. I have tried and tried to get them to cooperate, or at the very least, play in the same room for more than six seconds before the screaming and/or hitting starts. This sibling thing has been really hard!

I think it may be because my son remembers when it was just mommy and him, and he remembers being unceremoniously dethroned as king of the house when little sissy arrived. It just always seems like he has just never gotten used to the idea of her, much less the actual little pistol that she is. My thoughtful and careful boy resented and pushed away his tiny sister, and is now reaping what he sowed because my little princess is a screaming, hitting fire cracker (let’s see how many euphemisms for “she’s mean!” I can use in one paragraph). Some of it is her age, I know. Two-and –a-half is a hard age. I have tried various tactics and read books about getting rid of sibling fights, but it’s still sometimes a war zone around here.
The difference in ages and genders of my kids makes it so that they have very different ideas of what is fun to play, and since there is only one mommy, I have had to come up with some creative combinations of games to play when they both want mommy to play with them. We have played “picnicking barbies discover evil transformers in the woods.” We’ve played “mommy and daddy train take their family on a ride and fall off the tracks and need the help of the special heavy machinery.” It’s funny.

Just recently, my two kids have actually started to play with each other, of their own free will and choice, and it doesn’t even always end in hurting/crying/yelling. I sit and listen to them, hoping that the cooperation keeps going, willing them to keep enjoying each other. I have found a few toys that can get them both interested at the same time. Trains and the farm set are ones they have been able to play together with, and it’s so nice.

What has been the hardest thing you’ve had to deal with about siblings? Do you have any peace-keeping strategies you can share with us? Share!

Letter to the Gardener:

2008-10-21T23:56:00.000-07:00

Hi. You don't know me. Well, then again, maybe you do. I live in apartment three, and I am sure that after spending week after week cleaning up after the seed pod bombs that my children throw on the sidewalk (which, incidently, I tried my hardest to get out, sorry), sidewalk chalk, stray legos and bouncy balls, picked flowers, bulldozed dirt from the flower beds onto the sidewalk, etc, maybe you do know me.

Anyway, I have one tiny request. You know that huge weed, the one about five feet tall that is growing between my kitchen window and the four air conditioning units and driveway that are just outside my window? Yeah, you know the one.

Well, I have fallen in love with this weed. I've watched it grow big and strong and green surrounded by only stucco, cement and metal (there's a metaphor for overcoming trials in there somewhere). Now, instead of looking out my window into the concrete jungle, where all I could see were the air conditioners, asphalt and my elderly neighbor's shutters, now I get to see sprays of bright green leaves that sway when the fans are on out there. There's a katydid and a grasshopper that often sit on the highest branches and nibble on the leaves. I watch them as I'm washing the dishes, and even though I still hate washing the dishes, that plant has made it ever-so-slightly less terrible.

Yes, I know it is a weed, but hey, if you were going to pull it out you would have before it got five feet high, right? So I am asking you to please, don't pull it out. It offers me a tiny bit of green in this sprawling urban humanity we call Los Angeles, and frankly it's the only one I have, since my attempts at container gardening on my porch have, well, not gone at all pleasantly.
I like the weed. Thanks for letting it grow.

Sincerely, Laura

(Not my actual weed. It is dark out and I can't get a pic of it, so I'm just makin' do)

I'm a Minority!

2008-10-20T19:34:00.000-07:00

Today I have been thinking about my hands. Now, there are many things about my hands that I don't like...mostly the fact that they are chubby man hands with not the slightest hint of dainty feminism that one could want, although my clumsiness and my love of cooking combined have not helped this situation with innumerable burns, cuts and sundry scars. I also don't like the fact that my fingernails are perfectly flat from side to side ( I mean it) and so thin that I can bend them without breaking them. But these were not the things about my hands that I have been thinking about (um, until now). The thing that I have been thinking about something I like about my hands : the fact that I am left-handed.
Let's look at the facts of being left-handed. Statistics show that about seven to ten percent of the general population is left-handed. However, of that ten percent, only twenty percent are female. So...only (at best) two percent of the population are left-handed females. Look at me, I'm a minority! There should be a scholarship. In fact, I've always liked being left-handed because I felt it made me unique, although two percent of the population is still a lot of people, as far as handedness goes, it's the most rare combo.

Left-handed people have a lot of things going for them: first of all, the latest research shows that people become left handed in the womb. In most baby brains, the left hemisphere grows more rapidly than the right, establishing it as the more dominant sphere (and I hope we all know that left hemisphere dominant means right handed, yes? OK, moving on). But in left-handed people, the hemispheres grow more equally, thus making lefties more adept at using both halves of their brains...ergo, left-handed people are, statistically, smarter! Hooray for me, I'm smart, statistically speaking, of course! Now, there are exceptions and variations to every rule, but as a population we lefties have the advantage of using more of our brain.

But, there are many drawbacks to being left-handed. First of all is the writing. Enter a classroom with rows and rows of chairs with those little half-desks attached to the, what, right side of the desk, and try to wrench your body around so you can write on it, thus making you face the wall or gangly, pimply boy sitting in the row next to you, who will see this as a sign of your sincere devotion and follow you around for weeks. Then, if you actually get to a position where writing is possible, you will drag your hand over everything that you just wrote, smudging what was undoubtedly you finest work, into obscurity. Ah, that all lefties could just write Arabic...
And then there's the implements: scissors, potato peelers, fancy chef's knives, computer mouses, golf clubs, the list is endless of things that are made specifically for the right-handed majority. Even the way door knobs and bathroom stall doors are attached are usually favoring the right-handed majority. This does have advantages for the resourceful youth who, like me, insisted to my parents that I could not POSSIBLY be put upon to peel potatoes, since I am at SUCH a disadvantage as the render my efforts fruitless. And the best part was, it was true and actually worked! Most things are just easier to learn how to do right-handed, like use a mouse and cut with scissors (which I do right-handed).

Even with all the little nuisances, I really like being a leftie. What do you like about yourself?

Did I Sign up For All This?

2008-10-14T19:46:00.000-07:00

I must have been delusional to think that once my oldest was in school all-day, I would have more time. I had imagined more time to spend doing...well, everything, being less rushed and harried. HA! The truth is, ever since my son entered first grade, I feel like I am in a whirlwind roller coaster and I can't get off! I don't know how you people do it!

I get up at 6:30 and go to the gym. By the time I get home the kids are up and it is time for: morning devotional->breakfast->get dressed->pack the lunch->off to school. During the day I have to squeeze in all the housework, plus all my toddler's activities: mom's group, field trips, music class (which I co-teach), park days and play dates. I swap toddlers with a friend of mine once a week so I can help out in my son's classroom.

Then my son comes home and the day really gets rushed. There's just enough time for a bit of a break, and then its: homework->dinner->(sometimes soccer)-> bath->bed. Then I crash, with the dinner dishes still in the sink and legos at my feet. I watch tv, which I shouldn't do as much of at night, but by then, any and all aspirations I had of being a productive individual have been smothered and there's only enough left in me to sit and stare. I imagine having these hours in the evening for sewing or cleaning, but I just don't have anything left by the end of the day.

So when can I get off this ride? I am the first to admit that my poor, poor blog has suffered the consequences, and I have squelched my blogging mojo with sheer exhaustion. My patient, patient readers, you are lovely! I am thinking of ways to streamline and simplify, so if you have any suggestions, I'm open to them. Oh, and if you have any topics that you are working on in your mothering, your child's development or discipline, let's hear about them and we can talk about it.
I can't wait to hear from you!
*Laura*

2008-10-06T10:49:00.000-07:00

I've got an article up on Blissfully Domestic today. Check it out and give me the love!

http://blissfullydomestic.com/family-bliss/choosing-a-good-rocking-chair/#comments

100th Post!

2008-10-03T12:42:00.000-07:00

How Being a Child Psychologist Has Changed My Mothering... I think.

For my 100th post, I thought I'd wax a little philosophical, and think about how my background and education has shaped the way I parent.

First of all, I think that being a psychologist has helped me in a lot of ways. I think a lot about parenting, read a lot of books, and know a lot of theories and information. I know all about child development, which helps me not freak out and know what to expect of my children at any given age, like how to talk to them in ways that they can developmentally process. One of the most important things I learned was about how people learn, so I can use these processes to help my kids learn what I want them to know. I have also learned a lot about shaping behavior, and feel like I do not have to react emotionally to misbehavior, or fall into traps of harsh/physical punishments. I feel like I have the some skills in the parenting category. I am a more confident parent because of it.

BUT, I also think that on some levels it's been a disadvantage for me to have this background. I remember when my oldest was a baby and I was a brand new parent, I was so full of ideas about how I was going to parent and ideas about how I was going to teach my child to sleep well that I didn't pay as much attention to what he actually needed. I was so caught up in trying out the theories that I don't think I parented him ideally, at least not for his first year. Luckily, by the time my second came around, I learned that the most important thing is to tune in the your child and learn what they need. I learned that parenting is not a science: each child is different and each one should be parented according to their needs, not your ideas of how it ought to be done.

Also, I think that I am prone to guilt regardless of my discipline, but I have noticed that my background leads to a lot of guilt at times. Like when I say "no" and then the kids whine and I give in (Gasp! I know, I give in sometimes too), I feel extra guilt because I hear all the things in my head like, "you just reinforced the whining" "you are not being consistent" and all the things that I say to other people, I can tend to heap on myself and be very critical of my parenting. I have to always remind myself that I am not going to parent perfectly, it's just not possible, and my best is going to have to be good enough. I'm not at textbook parenting my children, I'm a fallible person, and I really don't have all, or even most of the answers. But I am trying!

It's hard to actually know how I would parent if I didn't have the background I do, since I know it's not the only thing that has influenced me, but those are my thoughts about how my parenting was shaped.

Thanks for coming to visit me for 100 posts. I really enjoy sharing bits of my parenting with you all! Stay tuned for what's to come!

Lessons on Mothering

2008-09-30T19:26:00.000-07:00

I had a very emotional week of trying to decide if my son should stay in first grade where he is academically supposed to be, or put him back in kindergarten, where he is emotionally and physically better matched. It was a really hard decision, made with a LOT of thought, prayer and tears. I felt such a huge weight, like I was trying to steer my child's whole life course, and at times I felt like the decision was smothering me.

Finally I realized that as much as I want to insulate my children from teasing and struggle, I can't fully do that. There is no solution in life that frees us or them from having to learn to get along with people, even unkind people, do things they don't want to do, and grow when they are comfortable where they are. It is sometimes a hard pill to swallow, since a mother's instinct is to protect, but it's one that I realized is vital to learning what my children need to know. Obviously, there are situations that we have the duty to protect our children from, but expecting them to sail through life never being teased, feeling different or struggling is unrealistic and not really what I want for my kids if I really stop to think about it.

We finally decided to keep him in first grade, and I feel good about it. Even better, I know feel more committed to helping him succeed and being involved. Also, my big guy has had his own chance to decide he wants to be in first grade and commit to it and all its challenges instead of shying away and complaining about it. So in the end, I think it was good for both of us.

Reinforcement is NOT Bribery

2008-09-24T09:09:00.000-07:00

Lately I have heard a few parents talking about how rewarding you kids for good behavior is "bribing" their kids, and their kids, even toddlers, should behave because they are just supposed to. So, let's talk about bribing.

Honestly, that idea is stupid. Bribery is getting someone to do something they shouldn't by offering a reward. So getting your kids to do things they should is not fundamentally bribery. There. Now, lets talk about the idea of rewarding good behavior.

It is a robust truth that all living things move toward pleasant things and away from unpleasant things. It is also true that learning occurs when things are reinforced or punished. This principle works for kids, adults, dogs, sea slugs, any creature that can learn. If a sea slug eats something that makes it sick, it learns not to eat it. If a dog gets a treat (reward) for doing a trick, he's going to do it again. Rewarding positive behavior is fundamental to our entire society. We break the law, we get punished. We go to work, we get a reward. Telling children, especially young ones, that they should behave just because they should is like telling the working force to go work because they just should. How many people would go to work if there was no tangible reward? Reinforcing behavior is not only one way people learn, it is one of the fastest and most potent teachers. In fact, research has shown that reinforcing good behavior changes the behavior faster than just punishing the bad behavior. It is such a great teaching tool, it's really sad that many parents fail to use it as much as they should.

Next time your child is doing something they shouldn't, instead of spending your energy trying to think of a punishment that will deter the behavior, try instead to think of an incentive that will reward them for their good behavior. Incentives make kids motivated to behave, instead of just being scared of being punished. Then go out and look for every opportunity to reward good behavior.

You might be asking yourself what exactly is a reward for a child. Well, I do not agree with dolling out candy and sugary snacks as rewards, although occasionally it will work if it is a special treat like going out for ice cream that they earned. Reinforcement for kids can be anything: a smile, hug, high five or "great job!", one-on-one time with a parent, an extra book, a sticker on a chart, a marble in a jar, getting to choose what you have for dinner, extra time at the park, a play date, a movie or trip to the library...there's no shortage of ways to reward your kids. And yes, as a child gets older, there will be certain things that they will be expected to do as part of the household, but doing those things still has rewards. Getting your chores done so you can go out and play, allowances, and such are all rewards for positive behavior. The idea that at some point we stop needing reinforcement for our behavior is a fantasy. Would you go to work if there was no benefit? Would you drive the speed limit if there was no consequence?

Reinforcing good behavior is a key of learning and just plain good parenting. Focus on the positive things your kids are doing much more than you focus on the bad, and you'll have happier kids and family dynamic. So go now and find something to praise your child for!

How Do You Parent When you Feel Stressed?

2008-09-20T13:07:00.000-07:00

I've been stressed lately, and more than anything I hate what stress does to my parenting. I try hard to parent thoughtfully and mindfully, which means that I always try and step back and understand what the issue is, and deal with that, not react to the yelling or fussing. It helps me be calmer and happier, and my kids too. But. when I feel stressed and overwhelmed, I begin reaction-parenting instead of thoughtful parenting. I begin to react to the noise instead of the real problem. I hate when I see myself begin to parent that way, but sometimes I feel too tired to follow through and do all those things that we can spout as being positive parenting practices. No, sometimes I just want them to stop yelling, period.
Do you ever feel like that? I hope that I can get the sleep and whatever else I need to feel back in control of my parenting. It's hard when little princess is cutting two-year old molars and accidently ate cheese which she is allergic to, and my son is having behavior problems at school that I don't know how to solve...*sigh* What do you do that makes you feel back in control?

And yes, I think I will be baking a cake today, to turn that "stressed" around! ...um...or just to have sugar and carbs pairned in all their blood-sugar spiking beauty and yumminess.

Let the Punishment Fit the Crime

2008-09-17T16:51:00.000-07:00

What I found this morning:...And yes, that is at least two colors of marker all over each and every vertical blind.

What my little hooligan did this afternoon:
I'm all for natural consequences!

2008-09-13T21:27:00.001-07:00

Can you actually think yourself thinner?

I know, I know, I hear you--if it was that simple we'd all be in size 2 skinny jeans by now. And I'm not talking about hypnosis or cds you play while you sleep either. A recent study by scientists at Harvard University showed that people could actually think themselves thinner by just focusing on and appreciating how much exercise they already do as part of their regular jobs. The study says,

"...amazingly, despite no change in actual exercise levels, in the intervention group, simply being told about the value of what they were already doing caused a significant change for the better on every single one of the objective health measures recorded: weight, body fat, body mass index, waist-to-hip ratio and blood pressure."

The intervention group lost an average of two pounds in four weeks, and they didn't do any more exercise! So, all you lovely ladies out there, let's start to appreciate all the exercise we do on a daily basis:

Sleeping toddler dead-lift
House cleaning: cleaning, vacuuming, dusting, laundry, cooking, scrubbing yogurt off the couch, etc.
Lego long-jump-making it across the floor without being impaled by the edge of a lego.
Sprint-to Soothe when your little one needs their mommy
Aerobic hurdling- just try cooking dinner while your little one is on your hip and the other one is playing with the contents of a cupboard all over the floor.
Clean-up time squats

And many more...

In the interest of science, and since I wholly endorse any weight loss technique that doesn't tell me I can't eat cheese or cake (or cheesecake, yum), let's all try to focus on how much exercise our lives really have in them. And who knows, maybe we'll all be in skinny jeans in a few months!

2008-09-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

Do you remember where you were when you heard what was happening on September 11? Most people do. When events happen like that, ones that shake our foundations and change our lives, people tend to remember shockingly specific details about their circumstances. It's called a flashbulb memory.
I remember we lived in the west, so things were happening in the east when we were still in bed sleeping. I was a newlywed, having just graduated from college just two weeks before in August. I was job-hunting and had an interview that morning at the hospital. As I was dropping off my husband at school for his classes, his brother called and told us that an airplane hit the World Trade Center. We turned on the radio and listened to the coverage. Then I went to the hospital and sat and watched everything unfold on the waiting room television, hoping the interview wouldn't go long. I remember I was wearing a light blue tailored jacket and Banana Republic skirt, the same one I wore as my "going away" outfit after my wedding reception.
That's where I was, where were you? Do you have a a flashbulb memory of that day?

Homework Blues

2008-09-10T09:11:00.000-07:00

School has started and I have a first grader! He seems to be loving it, but I'm the one having a hard time with him being gone so long. I miss him! Kindergarten was just right for me, why can't they stay in kindergarten forever? As I quietly mourn the loss of my baby, I am also bracing myself for what can sometimes be a four-letter word in my house: homework.

I have tried all I can think of to make homework enjoyable, or at least bearable. We have a cool tool box with colorful supplies, screen time rewards for getting the homework done, and a large dose of positivity and optimism. But he still drags his feet, whines, even cries when I pull out the homework. So I'm sending it out to my dear readers: have you figured out how to make homework fun, or at least not panic-inducing? HELP!

Smooth Transitions

2008-09-05T12:42:00.000-07:00

As most of you can attest, a surefire way to elicit whining and fussing in children is tell them it’s time to go when they are playing. It’s so common, it seems almost normal that kids get upset when it’s time to leave the park or play date. The truth is, most children have a hard time transitioning between activities, and this is because of their brains.
Kids are intense learners, hardwired to soak in tons of information. This leads kids to become completely engrossed in activities. Whether they are intent on seeing how high they can swing or building the greatest block castle, kids are all present, testing their environment and their own imaginations. This is a good thing for learning, but it makes them hard transitioners—they have a hard time switching gears.

The best thing you can do to help these children is to give them time to transition between activities. You have to slowly help their brains transition, because a sudden cry of “let’s go!” when they are right in the middle of play is jarring and upsetting. To allow for good transition time, start with a five minute warning. Make sure that your child makes eye contact with you and understands the warning. Then provide a three minute warning and a one minute warning. At the one minute warning I have found it helpful to also remind them to “do their favorite thing one more time” so that they don’t cry that they didn’t get to do something until it is too late.

I have a little echo song that I sing to my children. I sing, “Five more minutes until clean-up time!” (or going home time, or dinner time, whatever). It seems to help because they repeat it back to me and I know they heard it and understand. Plus it’s gentle and fun instead of sounding like an order. What about you? How do you make smooth transitions?

Getting to Know Me

2008-09-02T21:37:00.000-07:00

Lately I have been thinking about this little blog of mine. I have tried to supply good information and interesting topics, but I don't want to sound like a textbook. I figured that since many of you don't know me, I ought to start telling you a little more about me, so that you know that I am not a textbook...I am just one of those people who doesn't gush emotion and dot my "i" with a heart. I'm kind of a no-frills person who likes things nice and logical...I get nervous when things get really emotional. But now I am going to spend some time on this blog telling you about me, not to be narcissistic, but because I want you all to feel like you know me so that we can have a dialouge about parenting that is real. And so we can all be bestest friends forever!!!! (see how awkward I am at being frilly and overtly emotional...I know, it's sad).

Here's the basics:

100 Things About Me:

1. My eyes are different colors: part of my right eye is brown, the rest green. I love it!
2. I played the violin for years, and still take it out every now and then, although I an NOT good anymore, I would love to take lessons again someday.
3. I am truly phobic of warts. I HATE the mere thought of them.
4. I am the only adult member of my entire extended family that does not wear glasses or contacts
5. I love my feet. Seriously. I think they are one of my best features.
6. Per #5, I love pedicures, shoes and shockingly bright toenail polish.
7. Once I broke my finger. I didn’t get it fixed right away, and by the time I did the scar tissue had grown around the joint so that I couldn’t move it, and had to go to physical therapy for my finger. Embarrassing, kind of.
8. I love to cook and try new recipes, so it’s always something new at my house!
9. Growing up I was only allowed to do music: instruments, singing, choir school, musical theater. Went away to college and never sang again, except in church and to my children.
10. I love organizing and get very anxious when things aren’t. With two little kids, things aren’t a lot, so I am prone to be anxious.
11. I am a closet botanist. I love teaching my kids all about plants. I want my kids to love nature.
12. I was a girl’s camp counselor for two years in high school-nature specialist. Loved it!
13. I LOVE football. Played in high school, won the intramural championships in college. I played cornerback in high school and defensive line in college (even though I was only 5’4” and 100 pounds). My nickname was “Sack queen” because I could get through any offensive line and sack the quarterback.
14. I still wear my “intramural champion” shirt to bed at night.
15. I spent four years in college ballroom dancing—still love it.
16. I have a texture issue with food: I hate rubbery food. I can’t eat: mushrooms, eggplant, tofu etc because of the texture, even if I like the taste.
17. I have two sisters and a brother.
18. I have a really good memory: I can remember numbers and orders of things really well.
19. I like rules. Really. I liked to make the crafts look just like the picture on the box and have very little natural creativity, except in cooking.
20. I can sew a straight line, have made pillows, curtains and my baby’s bedding, and aspire to be a better seamstress.
21. I love old Carey Grant movies.
22. I love to read how-to books and history, fill my brain with information: recently finished reading a book on the history of Los Angeles and a book about organizing.
23. I am a HUGE Harry Potter fan.
24. I love cheese. A lot. Pretty much everything is better with cheese.
25. I’ve framed a house.
26. I love flossing and never miss a day.
27. I’ve been white-water rafting in glacial run-off in Alaska
28. I really like art history: took five semesters of it in college and take my kids to art museums whether they like it or not—but don’t be fooled, I have NO visual artistic talent.
29. I am what you would call type A personality, definitely
30. I am fascinated by names and think a lot about them. Names are powerful and important, I think.
31. I am a list-maker. I love making lists and love crossing things off.
32. I add things to my list that I have already done just so I can cross it off.
33. I am a planner. Spontaneity makes me nervous. I like things to be well-planned, down to all the minute details and contingency plans.
34. I love grammar and editing things.
35. I am a cat person.
36. I love boating and will water-ski, but I’m not a dare-devil.
37. I hate inner-tubing behind a boat. I won’t do it.
38. I am left-handed.
39. I refuse to wear shoes indoors, and won’t wear sock and shoes unless absolutely necessary. I am flip flop girl.
40. I used to volunteer for the Red Cross and taught first aid and Emergency preparedness.
41. I really like emergency preparedness: food storage, disaster drills, all that stuff.
42. I hate to run.
43. I love to work out—the gym is my sanity restorer.
44. I talk at the TV.
45. I love freebies and getting them in the mail.
46. I graduated Salutatorian from my high school, and when I told my parents they didn’t believe it- they didn’t think I cared about school that much.
47. I am still have not accepted what motherhood has done to my body. I wish my metabolism was what it was at 21 and haven’t really gotten used to fact that it’s not.
48. I really like public speaking, as long as I know what I am talking about.
49. I like to teach. I didn’t think I would, but I have taught University classes, parenting classes, Sunday school, art to my son’s kindergarten class...love it.
50. I can be bossy, especially to my family. Trying to do better at that.
51. I can speak Spanish, although I am really rusty.
52. My family lived in Argentina for five years
53. I would say I like scrapbooking, but it would be more correct to say that I like photographs and large boxes of pretty paper. The two haven’t met up since baby #2 came along. I would like to go digital, but then what would I do with all the stuff I have?
54. I hate opening mail.
55. I refuse to think about astro-physics and all that crazy stuff out in the universe. I have enough to worry about here on earth without trying to understand how a black hole works.
56. I get a high from throwing things away.
57. I have a very low tolerance for violence in media
58. I have no tolerance for profanity of any kind
59. I would love to be paid to write.
60. I am trying to go green: I use cloth bags for my groceries and recycle, and it makes me feel great!
61. I love to travel: go, go, go!
62. I am a morning person: I can’t lounge around in bed in the morning, it makes me feel sick.
63. I hate dong the dishes. Really. A lot.
64. I always pack way too much when traveling.
65. I am an insanely light sleeper.
66. My favorite comfort food is cookies and milk
67. I have very healthy hair, smooth and shiny.
68. I have freckles on my face, even on my lips
69. I’ve never liked my freckles
70. I get a migraine if I am outside in the sun for any amount of time without sunglasses.
71. Almost every one of my grandparents as far back as I know died of cancer, and each of the living ones have already lived through cancer at least once.
72. I had a large tumor in my breast removed when I was twenty-one. Luckily it was benign.
73. Because of #71 and #72, I am NOT a sun worshipper. Sunscreen for all and down with skin cancer!
74. My first pregnancy ended with “late miscarriage,” which is a horrible term for a baby that dies late in pregnancy, but really means our little girl died before she was born and I miss her to this day. You are never the same after you lose a child, even a very tiny one.
75. My second pregnancy was uneventful, until the labor part, which was 58, yes, 58 hours of active labor, then pushing, then forceps, then my son was whisked off to the NICU (with respiratory problems) and I to surgery, where I was literally put back together. Trauma!
76. My third pregnancy landed me on two months bed rest for severe morning sickness, and when my daughter was born she had a heart murmur. I literally prayed it away and we got to take her home.
77. I hate salespeople and haggling.
78. I have never tasted coffee, tea, or alcohol of any kind,
79. My favorite colors are green and pink. Always have been.
80. I am allergic to amoxicillin, pollen and milk, but I still drink milk.
81. I am a very terrible bowler.
82. I SO love my kids, love being a mom, love their hugs and holding them.
83. I fully admit my husband to be the most patient man on earth and truly believe he’s the only person patient enough to put up with me.
84. I love to shop…but I rarely, if ever, buy anything that’s not on sale, and I mean a really good sale: 10% off doesn’t count!
85. Probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do is forgive.
86. I would love to write a book, but lack the confidence that anyone would want to listen to me.
87. I like gardening, but I haven’t been successful at container gardening on my porch yet. Everything dies.
88. I recently had my nose broken by my toddler, the third time it’s been broken.
89. Had surgery to repair my severely broken septum-do not recommend this surgery, it’s horrible!
90. I hate music that is sad, angry or melancholy. I want music to make me happy!
91. I am very religious but don’t really wear it on my sleeve.
92. I teach primary (Sunday school) to the four-year-olds and love it.
93. I think you can never have too many children’s books-we have a lot.
94. I am excited to someday go back to school and complete my degree in Child Developmental Psychology
95. I have been married almost eight years and hubby has been in school for every one of those years (but graduating in December YAY!!!)
96. I am hypoglycemic-pregnancy pushes me into gestational diabetes.
97. Pet peeve: mismatched socks
98. I always mute the commercials on tv-drives my hubby crazy!
99. Birthdays and holidays are a big deal to me-love to celebrate!
100. I am so glad you visited my blog!

So do I have anything in common with you?

3-2-1 Relaunch!

2008-09-02T15:41:00.001-07:00

It's time to announce the relaunch of Blissfully Domestic!!!! I think they are still working out a few of the kinks, but come and visit me over at the Family Section! Here's our cool button:

And here's the new url: http://blissfullydomestic.com

It should be great fun. I'll still let you know when my articles are featured so you can give me the love, but until then, let's all go over there and check it out!

2008-08-27T17:29:00.000-07:00

Hey strangers! Sorry to be MIA, but I've been on vacation visiting my parents. My parents live on a farm, and I love to take my kids there. There's something good for the soul to see my kids run through the sprinklers, fish in a stream, tramp through the tall grass, pick peaches right of the tree and corn right off the stalk, to get caked with mud and REALLY need a bath at the end of a day. These are things that my little urban California kids don't get to do very much, but these are the things of my child hood, the golden memories that represent childhood to me, and I want my kids to have it, if only for two weeks out of the year. So that's where we are.
On a more practical note, Labor Day marks the relaunch date for Blissfully Domestic, which will be even more fabulous and wonderful than it already is! We are frantically trying to get a lot of content together for the launch date, so I've also been squeezing out articles for that, so stay tuned. I'll get the new buttons up and let you know all about it soon. Hugs! when we get back home it's back to school!

Seeing Things the Way They Are

2008-08-20T18:40:00.001-07:00

The first part of bedtime in our house is "clean up time," otherwise known as "shovel out from the chaos just enough so that it looks livable." Tonight I was busily prodding my children along to pick up their toys, and I asked my son to take a bag to my room. On his way, he said loudly, "I'm like your slave! I do whatever you say."

Now, at this moment a lot of things went through my head. First was a brief nanosecond of guilt where I actually wondered if I was expecting too much of my six-year-old. This thought quickly left when I realized that it was coming from the kid whose day consisted off TV, two hours at the park, legos and a popsicle. Then came other thoughts like "if only..." and "how does he know what a slave is anyway?"

I explained to him that a slave is someone who does all the work and that the other person does none. I asked him in succession: who does the laundry? (me) who cooked dinner? (me) Who washes the dishes? (me) Who cleans the bathroom? (me) who vacuums the floor? (me). So he could not possibly be a slave because I do most of the work and only ask for a little help. Makes sense, right? His response?

"Oh, you're the slave!" Yes, honey, now you're getting closer.

Garden Party Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

2008-08-18T21:52:00.000-07:00

I may be in love with this dress! It's so lovely and my favorite color and sweet but not too cutesy. And she's giving it away!

Garden Party Frock GIVEAWAY!!!!

Hello Monday, here's what's up...

2008-08-18T15:37:00.000-07:00

The summer is slipping away and I feel like I have missed a lot of it being down recovering from this surgery. I have so many things I still want to do with my kids before school starts, but I don't think I am going to get them all done. I am still having to take it pretty easy, and next week we will be traveling, and then school starts.

I have been working on compiling a list of Things to Do With Kids in Southern California for my mom's group. That's one thing I love about living here, there are SO many fun things to do, and the big theme parks are not even a fraction of them. There are more zoos, parks, gardens, aquariums, museums, and attractions here for lifetimes of fun. And the best part is that almost all of them have free days at least once a month, so it doesn't break the bank if you plan ahead. The list is long and it is taking me a while, but I will be happy to have it when I am done. Oh, and if you ever are planning a trip here, email me and I'll send you the list. It's great!

I added a search feature and my contact info to the site, so if you have a particular parenting question, you can see if we have talked about it, and if we haven't, you can email me and ask! And if you haven't weighed in on the chivalry debate below, do it! I need input! I hope you all have a great week!

Chivalry vs. Feminism

2008-08-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

One day I mentioned to my husband that I thought he ought to take some time to teach our son about being a gentleman and treating girls nicely. Instead of the response I hoped for- “Yes honey, I’ll do that right away, after I give you a pedicure and change the oil in your car”-I got something I wasn’t expecting. He told me that he wouldn’t do that because he doesn’t believe in the idea of chivalry! (pause for gasps of horror…) Here I find out, after eight years of marriage, that my husband doesn’t believe in chivalry.

Now, before you go and judge him as being an ape, let me tell you his argument: he said that he doesn’t believe in teaching our son to be especially nice to girls because he believes that you should be that nice to everyone. He thinks that we should just be teaching kindness and courtesy to all, without regard to gender. If you would hold a door open for a lady, why not a man? Ok, well, it’s hard to argue against THAT....

BUT...

There is a part of me that disagrees (obviously, since I asked him to teach it to our son). I do feel like it is important to teach men a special respect for women. But now I am wondering why I feel this way. I don’t know if it is the romantic, seen-too-many -Jane-Austen-movies swooner in me, or the girl-power feminist that thinks that women could never be over-valued in our society, but I think that men should show respect to women…yes, even more than for other men. Well, maybe not more than men, but in different ways, I guess. But, my husband argued, doesn’t teaching men to treat women in traditionally gentlemanly ways imply that women are a weaker gender? Why would you advocate treatment like holding open doors if women are just as capable as men?

I consider myself a feminist in the sense that I think that women are as capable as men and should not be limited to their potential. But I also fully agree that men and women are fundamentally different, born with different natural tendencies and strengths (and yes, the differences are very well-documented by science). So how do I reconcile my feminist girl-power with my belief that a man should be gentleman? Can I? I haven’t got there yet. I don’t know why I feel so strongly that my son should be taught to be a gentleman, when in the same breath I want my daughter to be thought of as strong and capable.

What do you think? I don't really know the answer. What do you want to teach your sons? Does chivalry need to die in the face of modern feminism, or can we have it both ways?