debate, charity, debauchery

It Depends on What the Definition of Support Is

2007-11-19T23:02:00.000-08:00

They were just trying to collect donations for American troops. But the Boy Scouts end up getting busted by the City of Cambridge. All their boxes were taken down at polling stations for being too "pro-war."

I'm confused. I've been hearing ad nauseum from the likes of Senator Harry Reid, Rosie O'Donnell, Speaker Pelosi et al. that "You don't have to support the war to support the troops. We all support the troops". Well, apparently not. At least according to Cambridge, Massachusetts election board, which claims that you CAN'T Support the Troops unless you are "Pro-War". ( I am certain that Sens Kerry and Kennedy of MA have also claimed to Support the troops, but not the war. OK, I know that no one with half a brain believed either one of them when they said that, as they both have slandered our military on more than one occasion, but still) What the hell does "pro-war" mean, by the way? Um, most people that I know do not LIKE War, but understand it is a necessary evil at times. Though, I guess if you don't even believe in the existence of evil (terrorists being just poor misunderstood freedom fighters and all), then you don't comprehend that concept.

Yeah, I'm even angrier than usual about this. However, I'm not surprised, sadly. Due to the reason given in the diatribe above and also because I'm fairly certain that the Left has had the Boy Scouts in their sights ever since that whole no gay troop leaders debacle. Speaking of which, I wonder if those parents concerned about the possibility of gay troop leaders have subsequently removed their kids from public schools and if they no longer send them to church. Only because it seems to me, based on the current hip trend, there is more to worry about with female middle school teachers and catholic priests.

Not to mention the fact that The People's Republic of Massachusetts, in its infinite wisdom, most likely believes that the Boy Scouts' time would be much better spent picking up birth control from the school nurse, learning about Heather's Two Mommies and practicing dissent as patriotism as opposed to ACTUAL patriotism.

The fact that the Boy Scouts use the term "troop" must also stick in their craw. I expect a petition soon asking the Boy Scouts to call each group a co-operative, as the term troop is far too War Monger-y and violent. And you know what happens when kids are exposed to violence, right? I'm actually asking because I'm confused as usual. They keep coming out with new studies! Childhood obesity, I expect, though.

Requiem For A Hero

2007-10-06T23:02:00.000-07:00

A Brave & Beautiful Soul Remembered. With a warning: It is a TEARJERKER. Seriously, have a tissue handy. Several, actually.

An amazingly beautiful and touching piece by Christopher Hitchens. Even if you aren't a Hitchens fan (and I know he engenders quite a bit of ire, to say the least, at times), this piece is a MUST read. You may even feel for Hitchens quite a bit. I did.

Rest In Peace, Lt. Mark Daily. I can't express my gratitude in words, nor can I express how badly I feel at the loss of such a good, brave, kind, heroic and wonderful man. And I know there are many others just as brave and good who have been lost to us all.

So, I'll just copy a line from the HItchens article that jumped out at me and struck home:

As one who used to advocate strongly for the liberation of Iraq (perhaps more strongly than I knew), I have grown coarsened and sickened by the degeneration of the struggle: by the sordid news of corruption and brutality (Mark Daily told his father how dismayed he was by the failure of leadership at Abu Ghraib) and by the paltry politicians in Washington and Baghdad who squabble for precedence while lifeblood is spent and spilled by young people whose boots they are not fit to clean.

Please take the time to read the article in its entirety.

Toyota Prius, the New Limo?

2007-09-18T23:28:00.000-07:00

I hope this dude loses his appeal. Because I, for one, would be completely pissed off if I ordered a Limo and a freakin' butt ugly PRIUS showed up.

TAMPA - Moshe Leib says it's not a stretch to call his black Toyota Prius a limousine.

Hillsborough County's Public Transportation Commission is skeptical, though, and has denied Leib's application to operate the gas-stingy vehicle as a limo service. That means Leib, who operates TB Limo in Pinellas, can use the car to take customers into Hillsborough County, but he can't pick them up there, even at the airport.

Now the North Redington Beach man is suing the agency in federal court.

Leib's Prius has four doors, seats five, including the driver, and has black leather seats. Passengers are entitled to bottled water and a newspaper. The also derive comfort from knowing they're driving in a fuel-efficient vehicle, he said.

Bottled water, a newspaper and environmentally conscious? Er, no thanks. Give me my huge wasteful stretch with a wet bar.......a full one, of course, a cranking stereo system and a moon roof (for actual mooning after wet bar fun commences).

He says the commission infringed upon his right to earn a living as he sees fit when it denied his request for a waiver of its rules that regulate limos.

"It's my right, and the people's right, to drive this car and be driven in this car. If you want to be green, an environmentalist, then you should be able to do that," he said.

I LOVE his entitlement attitude. He has the RIGHT to earn a living as HE sees fit? Um, sorry but we have rules and laws here. Granted, I hate most of them, but as they are currently in place, everyone else has to follow them so you do as well, Mr. Cheap-Ass-Trying-to -Pull-a-Scam-to-avoid-taxi-permit- lottery-and-failing-Dude.

If driving in a Prius is a "right", then that is one right I can gladly live without.

Never Mind Brittany; Help Jenna Jameson

2007-08-23T23:06:00.000-07:00

She is clearly crying out for help. Actually, more like bellowing.

I've long lived my life by the tenet WWJD (What Would Jenna Do), but have recently realized that may no longer be such a smart idea.

First, the vaginoplasty. Correction........botched Vaginoplasty. Ew.

Washington, Mar 31 (ANI): Porn star Jenna Jameson is reportedly so annoyed with the results of her vaginoplasty that she has refused to speak to anyone, and in turn has almost jeopardised her best-selling book, "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star's, " chances of being made into a movie.
"She underwent a vaginoplasty at a Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, and she is very unhappy. She has decided to hole up and not speak to anybody. The producers are about to pull the plug on the movie," " the source added."

Oh, Baaaad choice of words, Source.

Second, the hilarious coming out backing of Hillary Clinton:

PR.com: "Who's your favorite Democratic front runner for 2008? Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton or John Edwards?" Jenna Jameson: "I love Hillary. I think that in some ways she's pretty conservative for a Democrat, but I would love to have a woman in office. I think that it would be a step in the right direction for our country, and there would be less focus on war and more focus on bettering society."

PR.com: "Do you find that the climate of the adult industry changes when there is a Republican administration versus Democratic?"

Jenna Jameson: "Absolutely. The Clinton administration was the best years for the adult industry and I wish that Clinton would run again. I would love to have him back in office. I would love to have Al Gore in office. When Republicans are in office, the problem is, a lot of times they try to put their cross hairs on the adult industry, to make a point."
"It's sad, when there are so many different things that are going on in the world: war, and people are dying of genocide...I look forward to another Democrat being in office. It just makes the climate so much better for us, and I know that once all our troops come home, things are going to be better and I think that getting Bush out of office is the most important thing right now."

Tee heeing at the obvious fact that President Clinton was good for the porn industry. The revenue from all the Monica/cigar / Oral Office movies alone must have been staggering. And I'm so glad the pesky Wars and genocide go by the wayside and are no longer such a nuisance once a Dem is in office, making the climate much better for the porn industry. That IS what matters most (she says sarcastically. Although, I've long said that MORE porn is needed, preferably air-dropped into the Middle East. It will, I guarantee, get them out of caves plotting terror. Plus, it will help the poor, sexually harassed livestock).

But, if she wants bush out of the office, then why is she backing Hillary? (groan). Oh wait....never mind. Safe to assume Hillary is bush-less. Meow AND groan. That was bitchy, even for me. Apologies! (but not apologetic enough to edit myself)

Now, the final straw, she's just had her implants removed.

LOS ANGELES — Porn princess Jenna Jameson has officially retired from starring in XXX movies, and to mark the transition she’s had her famous breast implants removed.

"When I had implants, I felt uncomfortable. I would be shy at the beach," she told Us Weekly. "Even for women with naturally large boobs, getting a reduction is so freeing. I feel like I can stand up straighter … before, when I jogged, I had to hold my boobs. I looked like I was molesting myself!"

Jenna added that she was so "ecstatic" after the surgery that she "went home and cried."

As are a multitude of men (and some women) crying tonight, Jenna. Oh, the sorrow you've wrought! It is very clearly, however, a pathetic and sad cry for help. I'm there for you, Jenna. I'm off to file the appropriate papers for a new Save Jenna campaign. I need to work on a name first, though. I'm open to suggestions.

Mission Iran?

2007-08-23T20:51:00.001-07:00

According to John Bolton, Yes. In fact, he "absolutely hopes" we strike Iran within the next six months. I respect John Bolton immensely and I most often agree with him. However, call me crazy, but isn't the timing a bit disconcerting? Aren't we stretched a wee bit thin as it is? Militarily?

I also don't see any conceivable way for President Bush to get any support whatsoever to authorize such a military strike. He's little, if any, political capital left and the public is in no way going to support another military action. The majority want us out of the present War as it is.

However, it seems to me that it is pretty clear that Iran IS involved militarily already. They are, no matter how hard Keith Olberman and his ilk try to spin otherwise, involved in Iraq and they ARE killing American and coalition forces.

But, I'm no expert. And perhaps wary only out of selfish fear. The World scares me of late.

Which makes me ever so grateful, as always, for the brave men and women around the World fighting for our freedoms, our safety and our very lives. Brave men and women, all.

Um, John Edwards? Maybe Try Thinking Before Speaking?

2007-08-03T22:37:00.000-07:00

Seriously, this dude appears to be a few sandwiches short of a picnic and I am thanking my lucky stars that he didn't become Vice President in '04. His latest gaffe:

August 3, 2007 -- WASHINGTON - John Edwards, who yesterday demanded Democratic candidates return any campaign donations from Rupert Murdoch and News Corp., himself earned at least $800,000 for a book published by one of the media mogul's companies.

The Edwards campaign said the multimillionaire trial lawyer would not return the hefty payout from Murdoch for the book titled "Home: The Blueprints of Our Lives." The campaign didn't respond to a question from The Post about whether it was hypocritical for Edwards to take money from News Corp. while calling for other candidates not to.

In addition to a $500,000 advance from HarperCollins, which is owned by News Corp., Edwards also was cut a check for $300,000 for expenses. Edwards claimed $333,334 in royalties from last year's release of the book, according to media accounts. The campaign said last night that those funds were part of the advance.

He says he gave that amount to charity, which would also provide tax benefits for Edwards. "We're more than happy to give even more of Murdoch's money to Habitat for Humanity and other good causes," spokesman Eric Schultz told The Post yesterday. He declined to show proof, however, that Edwards had donated the $500,000 advance or $300,000 expense checks to charity.

Meanwhile, Edwards yesterday attacked Hillary Rodham Clinton for taking more than $20,000 in donations from News Corp. officials, arguing that the company's Fox News Channel is tilted to the right. News Corp. also owns The New York Post.

Clinton declined to respond.

The Edwards campaign said it would return less than $1,000 in donations from three Fox employees.

Languishing in the polls behind Clinton and Barack Obama, Edwards also has led the Democratic field's boycott of a Fox co-sponsored presidential debate.

"The time has come for Democrats to stop pretending to be friends with the very people who demonize the Democratic Party," Edwards said.

Uh, Mr. Edwards? You kind of deflate the sails of your intended "gotcha!" moment when you somehow fail to remember that you received $780,000 MORE than the people you are attempting to criticize. I don't even want to know how it is possible that one can fail to remember more than 3/4 of a million dollars. Although I guess it could be rather difficult to keep track of all your cash in a 28,000 s.f home. Meow.

Plus, give it up already with all the puerile Fox news bashing, lefties. Seriously, can't y'all come up with something better than "Faux Noise"? It is really played. And wasn't even creative or funny to begin with. I'd suggest coming up with something better than "Shrub" for President Bush as well. Really juvenile and, again, not even funny. I mean, nothing wrong with a little immaturity as long as it is humorous at least. Just trying to help!

And attend the damn Fox News debate, Democrats. If you can't handle Wayne Goler, then how in the hell do you think you can take on the little man from Iran? Al Quada? Hugo Chavez? OK, Britt Hume is a tad intimidating, but still. And while I'm at it.....Republicans man up and do the stupid youtube debate. No one will be paying attention to your answers anyway. They'll be too busy mentally poking fun at the video submissions. While waiting hopefully for the Obama Girl to make an appearance.

Welcome Back, Smoker!

2007-07-29T22:52:00.000-07:00

At least according to one upstart airline, who says Thank You For Smoking.

DUESSELDORF, Germany -- At the international airport in this western German city, smokers are shunned. If you want to light up, you're restricted to a handful of bars in the terminal, or else stuck puffing on the dingy street outside.

Soon, however, tobacco lovers from around the world could be beating a path to Duesseldorf. A start-up airline based here plans to offer long-haul luxury flights -- to Asia, at first -- that cater to smokers, countering a decades-long global trend that has made it impossible to enjoy a cigarette on most passenger flights.

The new airline is called, naturally, Smoker's International Airways, or Smintair for short. The founder is a local entrepreneur who promises a return to the days when air travel was considered glamorous, when stewardesses were happy to bring you a glass of scotch, and when smoking in the lavatory didn't risk criminal prosecution.

This fabulous new airline might very well be the answer to my recent (and of no particular origin excepting oddity) debilitating and admittedly pathetic fear of flying. The very idea of sending the militant anti-smoking crusaders into an apoplectic fit is reason enough. Add in booze and food and it is heavenly. Why drink and drive when you can drink, smoke and fly? (note: I don't really drink and drive, but I do have.....surprise surprise, NOT....an issue with the obnoxiously low blood alcohol level laws. I'm kind of small. ONE drink puts me right at the legal limit)

The only catch is that the only flights at first will be from Germany to Japan, as apparently 1/3 of Japanese adults smoke and 1/4 of Germans smoke which is shocking considering that smoking is the evil of all evils, yet Japan is quite the healthy nation. The healthiest, in fact. How can this be? With all that 2nd hand smoke floating about? Perplexing! Anyhoo, sadly neither Germany or Japan are anywhere within my proximity. oh yeah, and I'm not rich. The flights will start at around $6,000 a ticket. I do, nonetheless, now have a humongous crush, sight unseen, on the founder of the airline, Mr.Schoppmann (or is it Herr?). Just take a look at what is posted on the airline's Job portal:

Allergics to any kind of smoke or aviation specific conditions, militant Anti-Smokers, or people with other social deficiencies are kindly asked to not apply"

Tee hee! What's not to love? And there's more!:

"People think the cabin will be full of smoke, which is bollocks," he said. "The air on Smintair will be more refreshing than on a normal flight. You will not even notice the smell of somebody smoking a cigarette or pipe in the next seat."

Not that there's anything inherently unhealthy about tobacco smoke, insists Schoppmann, who adds that he doesn't believe a word of the warning labels printed on tobacco products. He's already gotten into a public spat with the World Health Organization, dismissing public health concerns over secondhand smoke as "the biggest scam of all times."

"I'm just another healthy smoker," said Schoppmann, who inhales about a pack a day. "I haven't seen a sick smoker in my life. The only thing I see are sick nonsmokers, and they are always sick with all sorts of crap."

Again, genius Mr. (Herr) Schoppman! 'Tis true; militant non-smokers do seem to suffer from every allergy and ailment known to man. And everyone I know who flies does often get some sort of bug after their trip. It seems as if airlines figured that once the dastardly smoke was gone, then no need to crank up the air circulating thingies. Uh, what about ACTUAL health risks (as I must note the preponderence of studies indicating 2nd hand smoke has next to ZERO adverse health effects) and not just convenient scapegoats? Like real germs? Screeching toddlers? And rancid body odor? OK, the last two are just pet peeves of mine and minor inconveniences (hmm, like passive smoke), but the germs part is real.

An aside: I, out of morbid curiosity and a sad need to punish myself, perused some liberal blogs regarding this airline story. As you can imagine, they were filled with the expected "oh gross. It won't last because smart people will refuse to be exposed to such evil carcinogens" proving once again that they have a hard time either reading or comprehending or both. Hello? You don't HAVE to fly on that airline. Not to mention that I'm pretty sure you'd be hard-pressed to afford the ticket price what with your being unemployed students, professional "protesters" and full-time Health Nannies and all. The worst comments of the bunch were ones that actually stated thing like "I hope they all get cancer". Not kidding. Nice, huh? The wonderfully compassionate and caring "progressives" at work.

Hey, I have an idea. Stop imposing your choices on others. No one will FORCE you to fly on a vile smoking plane. Unlike how you FORCE smokers to fly on a boring, germ-filled, nicotine withdrawal hell, smokeless flight.

Before this turns into a tome (yes, I do ramble. Apologies!), I'll leave off with wishing much success to Smintair! And a thank you for doing your part for freedom and personal choice. If I ever win the lottery, I'll be sure to book a flight with you forthwith. Hint, hint: I'd love a trip to Australia. Try to fit that into your later flight patterns. Thanks!

A new career? Take that, Betty Friedan!

2007-07-22T21:59:00.000-07:00

I can't help but think this new career enterprise is the brain child of one Mr. Kevin Godlington. Pure genius? Or setting back my anti-feminist movement for years?

The women of Tiger Time Lawn Care offer to mow customers' lawns dressed in bikinis - a service that attracts more attention to the ladies than the lawns.

"Oh yeah, they honk and yell. They can do everything you can imagine," said employee Blair Beckman, 21. Beckman said the extra attention is expected, but she looks on the bright side.

"You get the attention but you also get a tan, which I need," Beckman said.

Owner Lee Cathey said the bikini service makes mowing the lawn a lot more interesting, although the fee is slightly higher.

"The yards definitely get more attention when there's a bikini on the lawn," Cathey said. Some customers sit in lawn chairs and have a beer while watching, he said.

The three-month-old company is looking for a way to expand the service through the end of summer. "In the fall we'll go pick up leaves in the bikinis if need be," Cathey said.

Cathey said there hasn't been any interest in a male version of the bikini lawn cut.

I'm conflicted. On the one hand, no no no! And No again. That's Men's work! What self respecting woman would mow a lawn? Gross! Sweaty (and not in a good way) and dirty and machine-y! I refuse, absolutely REFUSE, to even learn how to turn one on. I have my principles and all; I am a staunch Anti-Feminist. Seriously, mowing the lawn is almost as bad as changing your own car tire. Which is utterly unheard of in my mind. Far easier, and more womanly to use your wiles. Work up a good fake cry, pout prettily and watch while a man does the job. Who needs ya, Gloria Steinem? Not I and that is for damn certain. Women need Feminists like fish need bicycles, I say.

On the other hand, the tan part IS a huge bonus. As is the attention part (I add, pathetically). Not to mention the absolute and total objectification of women, which should serve to provide GREAT strides for the anti-feminism movement (which I plan to spear head. Once my daughter is in school and I can, thus, devote my full time to the Cause).

I must mull on this one a bit. But I am swiftly leaning towards evil genius.

However, I do find it quite sad that there is no interest in a bikini-clad male service. Well, I admit that I partially understand it because NO man looks good in a Speedo. I repeat, for all you men out there suffering from delusions.....NO man. However, I would hire, say, Andrew Levy, to mow my lawn shirtless and in swim trunks. Yum! (I say whilst simpering and blushing so as to appear lady-like and proper. And feminine. As opposed to the wretched and dreaded Feminist)

So... about that Senator David "I have sinned" Vitter

2007-07-16T23:10:00.000-07:00

So, the D.C. Madam's little black book suddenly got a little more interesting recently with the revelation that Louisiana Senator David Vitter appeared in the call logs several times.

A Republican U.S. senator who admitted to "serious sin" after he was linked last week to a Washington escort service apologized for the sex scandal on Monday, but said he will go back to work.

Sen. David Vitter, a social conservative who has routinely touted family values, said his undescribed sins occurred several years ago, implying that his misdeeds were behind him. He accused enemies of dredging up the scandal to hurt him....

Vitter's phone number was found five times in phone records dating from 1999 to 2001 for "D.C. Madam" Deborah Jeane Palfrey, who is accused of running a prostitution ring in Washington, the New Orleans Times-Picayune reported last week. Palfrey has said she operated a legal escort service.
Vitter issued a statement on July 9 admitting to "a very serious sin in my past," then went into seclusion.

When I heard the news, my first thought was that the real shocking story would have been if a Louisiana politician was NOT on the list. I'm pretty sure you have to be corrupt in some way to achieve election in Louisiana. Or New Jersey (uh, Governor McGreevy AND Governor Corzine. Not to mention all of Hudson County).

First, it is amusing reading the Reuters article, whose bias is clearly showing. If Senator Vitter was a Democrat, the article most certainly would have been written very differently. With phrases like "personal issue" and "years ago" and "unrelated to his work in the Senate" used willy nilly. Instead of the phrases, snidely written, like "misdeeds", "has touted family values", "implying it is behind him", "accused enemies"etc. Also, I have noticed that whenever it is a Republican involved in any sort of scandal, their party is the first or second word in the article. When it is a Democrat, you have to search (sometimes even to no avail) for the party affiliation. Doesn't change anything, of course. I just find it amusing and rather telling.

As for the actual acts by the Senator, I admit to feeling badly for the dude. Five "escort" service calls in 2 years isn't THAT bad. Plus, he's hot. And is a fairly reliable vote in the Senate. However, the hypocrisy is quite annoying; He is a rather staunch Social Conservative and, thus, is usually preaching about Family Values. Yet another case of "Physician, Heal Thyself".

In contrast to roguish Louisiana politicians of the past, he portrayed himself as a squeaky-clean reformer against immorality and corruption.

Vitter went to Washington in 1999 after winning a special election to replace Rep. Bob Livingston, who had resigned in a sex scandal.

Republican leaders have mostly been quiet or given lukewarm support to Vitter, but there have been scattered calls for his resignation.

"If he doesn't resign, the Republican Party will lose the moral high ground," said Vincent Bruno, a member of the Louisiana Republicans state executive committee. "We have portrayed ourselves as being the moral party."

Tee hee.....does anyone else find the irony funny? The fact that Senator Vitter replaced Bob Livingston, who resigned under the cloud of a sex scandal? And if memory serves, Rep Livingston's "scandal" was fairly tame.

This, meaning sex, is an area where I break from the Conservatives. I don't believe that being a bit of a slut (female OR male) and being a good person are mutually exclusive. Especially for men; I do believe it is partly their nature to want to plow many fields, so to speak. Yes, the sanctity of marriage should be respected in a perfect world, and I'm personally a fan of monogamy, but humans aren't perfect. Plus, he went to hookers.....oops, I mean "escorts". To me, that is less serious than an actual one on one girlfriend/mistress relationship. An "escort" is clearly just about sex, which isn't as intimate as a real, loving relationship (that hopefully does involve good, regular sex, but not ONLY sex). But, I've been told that I'm a bit odd and too man-like in my thinking, so most women might not agree with me here. A lot of men will, though, and therein lies the difference. Either way, not my business. It is between him and his wife. To my knowledge, there is no sexual harassment lawsuit involved (cough cough President Clinton), so it truly IS a personal issue.

And, yes, I do admit that it does speak to one's judgment, or lack thereof, but it still isn't as bad as, say, strapping on a suicide bomb vest and launching yourself into a shopping mall. Or bamboozling half the World with some sort of pyramid Carbon Offset scam (I'm talking to you Al Gore). So, cut the dude some slack. I'm sure his wife will be making him pay. Passive aggressively. For years. Over and over again. That's punishment enough.

Harry Karry

2007-07-12T22:47:00.000-07:00

The House voted today to pass a Bill starting the "phased withdrawal" of troops from Iraq beginning in 120 days with the final phase leaving in April. However, they failed to mention HOW that plan is good for anyone, especially our troops. Why ANNOUNCE your retreat date? The troops remaining for the final phases will be literal sitting ducks. As Travis, a Marine, posted to Kevin Godlington's forum "You cannot say you support the troops and at the same time not want them to succeed."

I'm loathe to give opinions on what should be done in Iraq, as I am clearly unqualified to do so and I won't presume to speak for the men and women who are putting their very lives on the line. But, I do feel qualified, as a non-sheeple, thinking and (sometimes) rational citizen, to choose to put more stock in the feelings and beliefs of the actual military, than that of privileged, old dudes in Washington, D.C. with ZERO military knowledge or experience. One of the worst, in my opinion, is Senator Harry Reid. CNN ran the following video, which shows that besides putting our troops at greater risk, a pull-out will not bode well for the Iraqis. It is worth noting that CNN must have been cringing as they ran the video, as they put the words "Some Iraqis Believe US Troops Should Leave Immediately" all while the Iraqis speaking are saying things like "If I don’t see U.S. forces in front of me, I feel scared."

Shockingly (and wonderfully) a what can only be described as Liberal reporter cornered Senator Reid today to ask about just that; the Iraqi people. The transcript follows below.
I'll let it speak for itself and end my vent here. What say y'all? Solutions? Proposals? Agree on the ass-ness (assity?) of Senator Reid, et al.?

From today's press conference with the Senate Democratic leaders.

I tried to get an answer to what I blogged earlier today.

I did not succeed.

TAPPER: Senator Reid, what do you say to critics who say, "Look, the Senate voted, including two of you up on the stage, to authorize the president to use force in Iraq. Is there not a moral obligation of the United States to make sure that the Iraqi people are safe before the U.S. withdraws"? It's very clear that withdrawing U.S. troops might make U.S. troops safer, but it won't necessarily make the Iraqi people safer.

SENATE MAJORITY LEADER HARRY REID, D-NEV: As reported in the news this morning, 69 percent of Iraqis feel they are less safe because of the presence of Americans; 21 percent of the Iraqi people feel they're safer. That's pretty clear that American troops who are over there protecting the Shias, the Sunnis and the Kurds -- they're not welcome. That's the reason that they're doing a good job of protecting the Shias, Kurds and Sunnis, but they are all trying to kill our soldiers. That is a recipe to bring our troops home. And that's why the Levin-Reed amendment is so critically important. …It transitions the mission within 120 days, and by the first day of May of next year, our troops will be out of there, our combat troops will be out of there. They will be left to do counterterrorism, training the Iraqis -- continuing to train the Iraqis and protecting our resources. That's what the Iraqi people want and that's what American people want.

TAPPER: I'm sorry, if I could just follow up very quickly...Do you think the Iraqi people will be safer with U.S. troops out?

REID: It is clear that the Iraqi people don't want us there. It is clear that there is now a state of chaos in Iraq. And it is up to the Iraqi people to make themselves safe….We can't do it. It's time the training wheels come off and they take care of their own country. We have spent billions dollars. We're now spending $12 billion a month on Iraq. That's enough. In the last six months of the surge, six months, 600 more dead Americans, $60 billion more of American taxpayers' money. We, Democrats, unitedly believe that's enough.

TAPPER: With all due respect, Senator, you didn't answer my question.

REID: OK. This is not a debate.

TAPPER: Will the Iraqis be safer?

REID: We're answering questions. (calling on someone else) Yes, young man? Anyone else have a question?

Much Ado About Nothing

2007-07-12T22:06:00.000-07:00

Pathetically, I must admit that I was waiting with voyeuristic bated breath for the release of the infamous "blackmail" photos of Miss New Jersey. Partly because I need a life, partly because I was born and raised in New Jersey, but mostly because New Jersey has a slutty pageant reputation and all. Miss New Jersey USA, for instance, was booted this year for getting knocked up. Out of wedlock, no less! The horror!

Sadly, what a huge let-down these "risque" photos were. They were so not scandalous and, frankly, boring. They weren't even up to real New Jersey trashy standards! I've more revealing photos on Kevin Godlington's Charitable Demon website, for goodness sake.

(CBS/AP) NEW YORK Miss New Jersey will be able to keep her crown despite photos she admits show her acting "not in a ladylike manner," pageant officials said Thursday.

Hours after a nervous Amy Polumbo went public with photos of herself that had been sent anonymously to pageant officials, board members decided the pictures did not merit stripping her of her title.

Polumbo's lawyer, Anthony Caruso, said that a person or persons claiming to be The Committee to Save Miss America threatened to make the photos public unless she resigned her title.

"Nothing you post on the Internet is private," she said. "You have to be careful because there are people out there who will ruin your reputation."

Her pageant cause was protecting children from Internet predators.

The pictures include one showing what Polumbo said was her boyfriend apparently biting her breast through her shirt, another of Polumbo in a limousine wearing jeans with her legs spread in the air and another of her in what appears to be a Halloween costume dress holding two small pumpkins up to her breasts.

Uh, no offense meant Miss Polumbo (I do like that the pageants don't insist on "Ms."), but you are JUST learning that the Internet isn't private? Common sense isn't your strong suit, huh? Not part of your talent? Irony must be, though......your "cause" is protecting children from Internet predators. Again, uh, didn't the fact that there are Internet predators tip you off to the Internet NOT BEING PRIVATE? (Yelling, as that is how I talk to people who are dense. I tend to confuse deaf and dumb).

Well, at the least, perhaps you'll score some pity and/or publicity points with the Judges at the pageant. I fear you'll need something; the fact that your breasts are entirely covered by teeny tiny pumpkins does not bode well for your chances. That (or those. Or the lack of those), and the fact that you are from New Jersey. (I can say that as I am a Joisey Girl, originally. If you are not from Joisey, don't attempt to mock us. We'll whack ya. Hello? Sopranos?)

Robo Crap!

2007-07-10T21:40:00.000-07:00

Well, I must be far out of the loop, as I was unaware that man on man action in public restrooms had reached such "crisis" level. In Fort Lauderdale, Florida at least. Mostly because I didn't realize that George Michael apparently has a home there, which is the only explanation I can imagine for the reason the public restrooms have been rendered Party Central.

Yes, the Government has sunk to a new low. I didn't think that was possible, but I was wrong. Very, very wrong. As it appears that Fort Lauderdale's esteemed Mayor is planning to install Robo-crappers in the public restrooms. What are robotic toilets, you ask? They are toilet stalls rigged to have the door OPEN UP on you while in the midst of elimination if it deems you are taking "too long". Yes, if you overstay your welcome, the door will open up and leave you exposed for all the world (or at least the restroom and possibly youtube if a camera phone is in the vicinity. Or google street views) to see. Why necessary, you may ask? Oh, too much elicit fornication in bathroom stalls, you see. Allegedly. Worse; the gay kind! Gasp!

Fort Lauderdale Mayor Jim Naugle says his city has a problem with "homosexual activity" in public restrooms and he has a plan to stop it – robotic toilets that allow occupants to stay inside for only a short time before the door automatically opens.

"We're trying to provide a family environment where people can take their children who need to use the bathroom without having to worry about a couple of men in there engaged in a sex act," Naugle told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.....

Fort Lauderdale police officials said male sex in public restrooms is no longer a problem, but Naugle insists the practice persists and has used recent public meetings and e-mails to constituents to raise the issue.

Public restrooms are pickup places for "homosexuals. ... They're engaging in sex, anonymous sex, illegal sex," he said.

Quick aside......uh, the police say it isn't a problem at all, yet the Mayor insists "Oh, yes it is!" HOW would he know? Personal, first-hand knowledge? Methinks he doth protest too much. Not to mention he describes the Sex quite breathlessly and excitedly while repeating the word sex several times in one sentence.

Naugle said the proposed location for the city's first experimental unit is "the rainbow parking lot" at a local beach considered by some to be the area's "gay beach."

"The homosexual newspaper said it's the 'gay parking lot.' That's not me saying that," Naugle told the Sun-Sentinel, "that's what they said. I don't use the word 'gay.' I use the word 'homosexual.' Most of them aren't gay. They're unhappy."

Dean Trantalis, an openly homosexual former member of the City Commission who served with Naugle for three years, welcomes the restrooms at the beach but said the decision should not be made based on whether they will be used for sexual activity.

"I'm not an expert on public toilet sex," said Trantalis, "but there are those who would say one minute would be enough. Or 30 seconds."
If approved by the City Commission, the timed toilets will be paid for with property-tax funds.

I'm also rather offended at the obvious discrimination against heterosexuals. Why not target heterosexual sex? We do, you know (or maybe you don't, Mayor Naugle), at times indulge in a little public nookie. What, we don't count? And if, like everything else, this is to spare the children, then heterosexual sex is FAR harder to explain away. With homosexual sex, you could say something like "oh, sweetie, he was just giving him the Heimlich" or in the case of some lesbian action, the old "She was just showing that nice lady her new implants" excuse.

It is all pointless anyway, I believe. Because, doesn't public fornication lend itself more to quickies? Thus, wouldn't an act of taming the beast publicly often take less time than, err, making a deposit? (Or dropping a deuce, if you prefer). Especially if it is a substantial one or if you had curry for lunch? Along those lines, Mayor Naugle, I have just one question for you. Couldn't someone (or a couple of someones) simply RE-SHUT the door and continue on with their business? So, how exactly will this stop anything except for actual bodily function bathroom procedures? OK, two questions.

The Price of Freedom Isn't Free

2007-07-03T22:36:00.001-07:00

An Independence Day tribute called "This Is For The Soldiers" (background info here) from the amazing 15 year old Lizzie Palmer, creator of the "Remember Me" Video.

As we all enjoy our Independence Day parades and fireworks shows (or fireworks in your own backyard here in South Carolina), please remember the men and women sacrificing for our continued freedom. The video should also serve to remind why Kevin Godlington started this site; to aid those who fight for peace, who sacrifice for the freedom of others and who often give up their lives or limbs or mental health.

Now, as I don't like to preach (vent and opine, yes; sermonize, no) and as I am quite literally blubbering like an infant after watching the video (and re-watching Remember Me), I will do what I can to stop myself from spiralling down into a mind-numbing depression at the thought of the brave souls in the Coalition forces giving up everything for countless unknown strangers .......I'll have a wee drink and good cry. Then I'll paypal some money over to The Charitable Demon. I only wish it could be more. Though, I could never ever repay all that these brave men and women have given me.

I wish all my fellow Americans a wonderful Independence Day (Or July 4th, if you prefer). I also wish our British friends a Happy "We're rid of those pesky Yanks" Day. Turned out for the best, no? Y'all instead gained a loyal friend and a fierce ally, as we did in you.

Hezbollah Schmezbollah

2007-07-01T23:00:00.001-07:00

BAGHDAD, Iraq (CNN) -- A top special operations officer from Lebanon's Iranian-backed militia Hezbollah has been captured in Iraq, where U.S. officials say he played a key role in a January attack that killed five Americans.

Ali Mussa Daqduq, an explosives expert, was captured in March in the southern Iraqi city of Basra, where he was helping train and lead Shiite militias fighting coalition troops, U.S. intelligence officials told CNN.

Daqduq pretended to be deaf and mute when captured, and his identity was not known for weeks, the officials said.

Once uncovered, however, they said he began to talk, and they now believe he played a crucial role in the January 20 attack in Karbala.

Intelligence officials say Daqduq is one of Hezbollah's top special operations commanders, an expert in the use of roadside bombs. The Americans say he, along with the Iraqi militia commanders he worked with, has admitted working with Iran's elite Quds Force special operations unit........
In searching for Khazali, U.S. and allied troops found computer documents detailing the planning, training and conduct of the failed kidnapping. And they found Daqduq, whom intelligence officials said has admitted working on behalf of Iran.

Contacted by CNN, a Hezbollah spokesman in Lebanon said he would not dignify the U.S. allegations with a response. And it remains unclear why Hezbollah's leadership would risk sending advisers to Iraq: American intelligence officers suspect Hezbollah -- which is indebted to Iran for decades of military and financial support -- had no choice.

Wait, what? How on earth can this be? Isn't Hezbollah, according to President Jimmy Carter and other Saintly, oh so well-intentioned "Progressives", a legitimately elected political party and a wonderful social organization? Who strives only for peace, equality and love? I'm so confused; When did they branch out into terrorist acts and murder? Impossible!

I, for one, question the timing. Or, at the least, I question his confession; he must have been tortured. It is the only logical explanation. Unless Rove the Magnificent planted the story to deflect attention from the failed Amnesty legislation? Or President Bush's abysmal approval rating?

Either way, what's the big deal? Anyone who gets caught is just an incompetent, low-level schlep, right? MSNBC told me so! And they wouldn't lie would they? They clearly have no agenda. I'll need to catch the repeat of Keith Olberman tonight. I'm sure he'll explain it all for me. Or I'll pop over to the Huffington Post for the real "truth".*** They aren't called Truthers for nothing!

*** In reality, since I am not suffering from Bush Derangement Syndrome, I'll more likely drown my fears in a nice bottle of Riesling. Because, in all seriousness, this is some scary sh*t. I finding it more and more difficult to see any pragmatic way to avoid further military action in the Middle East.

Don't Shoot the Messenger....Unless He's On a Bike

2007-07-01T21:57:00.000-07:00

Man, we Americans find a way to get angry over everything, don't we? Even a stupid little bike/walking trail.

Frank Corsino walks nimbly, a cane in his left hand, a transistor radio in his right. He wears a driving cap and a wide grin, and for years along the peaceful, tree-lined Minuteman Bikeway, the 84-year-old man found solace after his wife and former walking partner died.

But these days it is a different story. Instead of the spirit-restoring stroll he used to enjoy, he finds himself going into combat mode, dodging torrents of joggers, cyclists, stroller-pushers, dog-walkers, and roller bladers who have flocked to the 11-mile trail in mind-boggling numbers.

I have to say that I LOATHE bicyclists with an unhealthy passion that is almost on par with my also consuming dislike of Hillary Clinton. I've yet to run across one on the road who wasn't either a horrendous example of a poser, outfitted to a ridiculous T and loaded to the gills with equipment while pedaling around suburban cul de sacs with 8 year olds whizzing past them on big wheels or else they were true a**holes with intolerably rude and holier than thou attitudes. Dude, I wouldn't be so smug and self-righteous if I were you.....I can see your pathetically dinky junk, and I use that term extremely loosely, in your spandex shorts. Small man's complex anyone?

Of course, that could just be my limited frame of reference. No offense meant to present company; I'm sure there are some tolerable cyclists out there who wouldn't engender in me an almost overwhelming need to try to scare them by pretending to almost run them over. I'm sure if Kevin Godlington cycles, for instance, I'd be able to stomach it. He'd surely say, I imagine (often, sadly), "Pardon" or "Fancy moving out of the way" instead of rudely shoving me off the road. Mostly, though, I'd pay to see him in spandex.

Anyhoo, apparently they are quite vicious in Boston.

Confrontations have become increasingly common. Police have been called out so often to resolve angry, and sometimes bizarre, disputes that they have coined a new term.
"We have road rage," said Arlington Police Chief Fred Ryan. "And now we have bikeway rage."

A bicyclist kicked a Jack Russell terrier and yelled at the dog's owner, "Get the [expletive] over to the right!" as he passed by. There are cyclists in full-body spandex suits, aerodynamic helmets, and titanium bikes that go fast enough to leave roadkill in their wake.

"The bikers have this supremacy about them," said Peter Roy as he slid on a pair of roller blades. "They're pushing 30-35 miles per hour. They hit us, we're toast."

See what I mean about the ridiculous outfits? WHY necessary for a ride around a TRACK? In the middle of a Park? So, my dislike of cyclists is not unfounded. I feel vindicated. Goody! I look forward to a bunch of new legislation to take care of this crucial problem, since all our other problems seem to be solved. They must be, as Congress appears to have taken a permanent vacation.

I do believe this is yet another example of the calamity caused by Environmentalism. Environmentalists are at fault, as usual. If they hadn't brainwashed everyone into trying to be more enviro-friendly, we wouldn't be subjected to this new crime wave. They'd all be in cars and suffering from the far less intrusive road rage. At least with road rage, you are in a 2 ton metal fortress from which to defend yourself. Damn Al Gore! Again.

To Blair, With Love

2007-06-27T21:07:00.001-07:00

A more deserved standing ovation, I've rarely seen. I only wish I could have been there to join in personally. Alas, I must make do with the written word and my own personal tribute to Prime Minister Blair.

While I likely would disagree with PM Blair on a whole host of issues, primarily big government type schemes, he has always seemed to me to be more of a Nanny 911 kind of Labour Party. A bit tougher with some common sense not above knocking some sense into his wayward charges. I won't presume to opine on his domestic policies, however, as I am not a British citizen and, thus, it isn't my place nor my business. I will say, on a personal note, that his eulogy at Princess Diana's funeral did make me cry. I know it isn't "cool" to admit to liking Diana, but I did. Likely because I grew up with her; My Mom is originally from Scotland and she summoned me out of bed in the early hours near dawn to watch the wedding of Prince Charles and Princess Diana. She had me at her flub of his name during the vows.

I will speak to, however, Prime Minister Blair's foregin policy. He was there for us, and the entire World, when push came to shove. A rarity in politics these days. I'm certain his alliance with the USA and, in particular, our President, didn't bode well for his tenure as Prime Minister. But he didn't balk. Ever. And still isn't.

He stood his ground always, even during his resignation speech. Then, he said

“I ask you to accept one thing. Hand on heart, I did what I thought was right. I may have been wrong. That’s your call. But believe one thing: I did what I thought was right for our country.”

And last year, at his last speech to his Party's Conference, he declared:

"And of course, the new anxiety is the global struggle against terrorism without mercy or limit. This is a struggle that will last a generation and more. But this I believe passionately: We will not win until we shake ourselves free of the wretched capitulation to the propaganda of the enemy, that somehow we are the ones responsible.
This terrorism isn't our fault. We didn't cause it. It's not the consequence of foreign policy. It's an attack on our way of life. It's global. It has an ideology. It killed nearly 3,000 people including over 60 British on the streets of New York before war in Afghanistan or Iraq was even thought of. It has been decades growing.

Its victims are in Egypt, Algeria, Indonesia, India, Pakistan, Turkey. Over 30 nations in the world. It preys on every conflict. It exploits every grievance. And its victims are mainly Muslim. This is not our war against Islam.

This is a war fought by extremists who pervert the true faith of Islam. And all of us, Western and Arab, Christian or Muslim, who put the value of tolerance, respect and peaceful co-existence above those of sectarian hatred, should join together to defeat them. It is not British soldiers who are sending car bombs into Baghdad or Kabul to slaughter the innocent.
They are there along with troops of 30 other nations with, in each case, a full UN mandate at the specific request of the first ever democratically elected Governments of those countries in order to protect them against the very ideology also seeking the deaths of British people in planes across the Atlantic."

OH, would that we had such an eloquent Leader. Prime Minister Tony Blair is one of the best orators of my time, right up there, I must say, with our own great Ronald Reagan. In fact, I'd be hard-pressed to decide who was the better speaker. And that is high-praise coming from an American, believe me. Wait...who am I kidding. I'm a girl and the accent would put him over the top. We can't help it. The accent gets us every time. Just ask Kevin Godlington.

But, seriously and most importantly, he acted solely on his convictions regarding what was best for his Country and not what was politically expedient. In fact, he hurt himself politically, for the sake of his Country and, truly, for all of us. A better ally the United States couldn't have.

For that, he will always have my utmost respect and all the best wishes in the World. I also can't think of a better suited man for the job as Chief Envoy to the Quartet of Mideast peace mediators. I wish you well, Sir. With Love, most deeply heartfelt gratitude and Sincerity.

Great, Now I Do Have to Get a Damn Prius Hybrid

2007-06-22T21:25:00.001-07:00

From the cacophonous sound of Al Gore's hugely inflated ego (and head) plunging into the depths below, it appears as if the Global Warming swindle has just had what could be the final nail hammered into its waiting coffin.

"Ours is one of the highest-quality climate records available anywhere today, and in it we see obvious confirmation that natural climate change can be dramatic. For example, in the middle of a 62-year slice of the record at about 4,400 years ago, there was a shift in climate in only a couple of seasons from warm, dry, and sunny conditions to one that was mostly cold and rainy for several decades.”

"In a series of groundbreaking scientific papers starting in 2002, Veizer, Shaviv, Carslaw, and most recently Svensmark et al., have collectively demonstrated that as the output of the sun varies, and with it our star's protective solar wind, varying amounts of galactic cosmic rays from deep space are able to enter our solar system and penetrate the earth's atmosphere. These cosmic rays enhance cloud formation which, overall, has a cooling effect on the planet."

"Solar scientists predict that, by 2020, the sun will be starting into its weakest Schwabe solar cycle of the past two centuries, likely leading to unusually cool conditions on earth. Beginning to plan for adaptation to such a cool period, one which may continue well beyond one 11-year cycle, as did the little ice age, should be a priority for governments. It is global cooling, not warming, that is the major climate threat to the world, especially Canada.”

"Solar activity has overpowered any effect that CO2 has had before, and it most likely will again,” the article avers. "In fact, we should be more afraid of a cooling trend because of a solar minimum that will peak in 2030 that could be fairly large. As we saw from a minor solar minimum in the mid 1900s, the earth suddenly started to cool. If we were to have even a medium sized solar minimum, we could be looking at a lot more bad effects than 'global warming' would have had.”

Do y'all know what this means? I'll explain my theory if I can type while gasping in evil, cackling fits of laughter. OK - - We've been told ad nauseum for YEARS that carbon emissions and greenhouse gases cause horrific, apocalyptic warming. And if cooling, not warming, is now on the way, we will need to increase the heat, no? So, carbon emissions must be GOOD now, right?

Thus, I assume that the Goreacle and his disciples will now wish to burn trees, not plant them. Sheryl Crow will have to retract her one square of toilet paper proposal and will now lecture us on the proper wiping procedure being a full roll each time. Laurie David will slink away from her eco-bus tour with Sheryl and will go crawling back to Larry with her tail between her legs. SUV drivers in Hollywood, along with all the poseurs who followed suit, will now be able to come out of the closet with no guilt and no more " but....but.......I bought some carbon offsets" indulgences.

Which means that I, as I must be contradictory and do whatever Environmentalists tell me NOT to do, will be forced to drive a pissant Prius like that loser wannabe Leonardo DiCaprio. I'll have to take my next vacation at his awful "eco-hotel" as well so I can continue my trend of being "part of the problem and not the solution". Damn, I'll also have to learn to garden so I can plant some trees and contribute as best I can (why do something half-assed?) to this ominous global cooling problem.

Or not. Maybe I'll just continue doing as I please and further ignore the bilge spewing from the mouths of the Hollywood elites. On the plus side, perhaps our genius Congress will now toss out the horrendous Energy Bill they just passed and we won't all be forced into wimpy ass, corn-powered cars. Or whatever the hell ethanol is made from.

I Got A Crush On Gravel

2007-06-19T20:28:00.001-07:00

The top-tier Presidential candidates are already boring me. As is the current news cycle; an endless loop of Paris "Ho" Hilton and the Immigration "if you aren't for this scam, you are a bigot" Shamnesty debacle. At last, I found something, rather someone, to cure my malaise.

I have a crush on Gravel. Senator Mike Gravel, who is a Democrat Presidential Candidate, much to even their chagrin. I like him! This could be because I see myself turning into him when I'm dreadfully old, horrendously crotchety and hating the entire World. Except without the penis. Oh yeah, and without the bat shit crazy part. *fingers crossed*

In any event, I am loving this guy and not just for the humour aspect of his absolutely brilliant, Andy Kaufman-esque campaign ad, featured in the YouTube clip above, alone. Which ad, by the way, Hottie Gravel did attempt to explain on some Sunday talk shows, muttering some inanity (or insanity. Either works for him) about metaphors and crap. Whatever. Just keep being completely bonkers and a curmudgeon. That's all I care about. I don't want explanations. You'll ruin the moment.

Ass kicking ads aside, he also does truly rock in the debates, uttering the best one-liners EVER and he appears to be constantly pissed off, which, again, is like looking in the mirror. I already declared him the winner, with Kucinich a close second, of the first Democrat Presidential Debate on MSNBC. Speaking of which, I've heard tell that Nader and Kucinich are raging that Gravel is so clearly upstaging them and stealing their whack job thunder. Another reason to love him.

I am now declaring him the winner as well for the second debate on CNN. Wolfie Blitzer asked for a show of hands in support of English as the official language. Obama objected "It's divisive!" Hillary shrieked something about "then we couldn't have translators in hospitals or ballots in Spanish" (????) and the always irrelevant Dodd mumbled something about diversity. Gravel was the lone hand raiser and you could almost hear him grumpily muttering to himself "If I have to speak that damn English bullshit than so does everyone else. Screw them!" Later, Blitzer asked about there being room for President Bill Clinton in any future administrations and Gravel growled out "I'll use him as a traveling goodwill ambassador. He can take his wife with him, she'll still be in the Senate." MEOW, Sir. Kudos!

Besides the humour, maybe we need a truly crazy bastard for a President. I, for one, think it is long over-due. He'd scare the bejeezus out of the little man from Iran (I can't ever remember how to spell his name and I'm too lazy to google it. Plus, I refuse to give him even that much power over me. Little man will suffice). He'd take one look at him and DRAG United Nation nuclear inspectors into Iran. No explanation besides "Allah, that Gravel is 3 tacos short of a combo" necessary. And, no, Senator Graham, a taco reference is not bigoted.

He also doesn't seem to be all into that Global Warming religious cult thing. In his second campaign ad, he shows us all how to start a large fire and release carbon greenhouse gases needlessly and with vigor! Refreshing! Also refreshing.......he campaigns in DORM ROOMS. You think I must be kidding, right? Guess again! It just goes to show how well he knows his target constituency and which side his bread is buttered. Crazy like a fox! Guaranteed he brought some "party favors" with him as well. What's not to love?

I'm off to dust off the video camera and film my own "I Got a Crush on Gravel" video. Later!

Happy Father's Day........NOT?

2007-06-15T20:47:00.000-07:00

(the picture is my gift to all Dads on Father's Day. Two of your favorite things; beer and bare breasts. At least that is what Kevin Godlington tells me ;)

Happy Father's Day........NOT? Or so says the increasingly irrelevant and desperate for attention periodical, Time Magazine. In a heartwarming Father's Day article, two female scientists (hmm, do you think they may be of the dreaded Feminist persuasion?) claim Dads don't deserve a Father's Day.

The folks at Hallmark are going to have a very good day on June 17. That's when more than 100 million of the company's ubiquitous cards will be given to the 66 million dads across the U.S. in observation of Father's Day. Such a blizzard of paper may be short of the more than 150 million cards sold for Mother's Day, but it's still quite a tribute. What's less clear is whether dads--at least as a group--have done a good enough job to deserve the honor.

That's right, Dads. You suck. The Titi Monkey is better than you are, for goodness sake! They hold their babies for 90% of the time! Granted, they don't have things like jobs, mortgages to pay, food to buy or the ability to think and reason, but still. They HOLD the babies! Priorities, dudes.

Not only that, but the completely unbiased, non-agenda driven (cough cough) Childrens Defense Fund says you are all either total deadbeats or you spend more time in the bathroom than you do with your children. Funny, but I see Dads EVERYWHERE with their children. Even attending cheer leading class with their daughters which they can't possibly enjoy. Or at least can't admit to enjoying. Yet, they are there. Week after mind-numbing week. This, after working 40 plus hours, commuting to and from said work, taking care of the garbage and lawns and spider killing and gutters and all that other icky man stuff. It seems to me that most Dads these days are more involved with their children than ever before. Many even personally witness the actual birth, which has to be rather disconcerting to say the least.

Yet, the Titi monkey is still better, according to the "scientists" who wrote the Time article:

Many of our primate kin are far better fathers than we are (investigators at the California primate center discovered that baby titi monkeys are in the arms of their fathers for as much as 90% of daylight hours); many are far worse. But all are at least consistent within their species. Why does paternal care in our species vary so much?

Girls, and I am calling you girls purposely to piss you off and offend you, I can answer that question and I'm not a brilliant anthropologist. Um, humans are capable of rational thought. And invention. Humans have a soul. And free will. Unlike animals, who go by instinct and basic survival and who will, in fact, eat their own crap. Also, men are not women.

Still, apparently not simple enough for the authors. They suggest you men suck so badly that more than one Dad is needed.

None of this gives modern fathers who neglect their kids an evolutionary pass. Indeed, some studies suggest that even having one full-time dad might not be enough. Among many traditional societies across South America, people subscribe to the folk wisdom that any man with whom a woman has had sex in the 10 months before giving birth makes some biological contribution to the fetus growing inside her. Even the woman's official husband accepts this, and any possible father is welcome to assist--discreetly--in providing care for the child. Research by anthropologist Steve Beckerman and his team suggests that the optimal number of fathers is two

No thank you! Please, pretending to discuss decisions regarding your child with ONE man is a hard enough pretense to keep up. Two would be a full-time job in itself. Which would mean two Mothers would be needed as well. Hey, are they suggesting polygamy perhaps? If that's the case, I could maybe get on board. That would be much less work, I suspect.

Until that happens, as a woman who LOVES men and who is an unabashed Daddy's Girl (I still miss my Daddy daily, even though he's been gone 10 years now. Even so, he's still the most important man in my life and the person who most shaped the woman that I am), I wish you all a heartfelt and sincere Happy Fathers Day. Thank you for all that you do. Sincerely and with Love. And breasts.

A Modest Proposal

2007-06-13T22:31:00.000-07:00

Yes, I am ripping off the incomparable, genius, masterful Jonathan Swift. The man of my dreams, even though he's been dead for centuries. I thought it appropriate in response to Berkeley, California's latest set of bans.

Berkeley's City Council voted unanimously Tuesday night to pass most of a sweeping plan to clear the streets of aggressive and disruptive behavior.
The Public Commons for Everyone Initiative passed 9-0 after months of debate among the council, homeless advocates, merchants and residents. The council instructed City Manager Phil Kamlarz to develop details of the implementation, which he will bring back to the council for further approval.
"This is a tolerant and caring community, but we do have our boundaries,'' said Mayor Tom Bates, the legislation's sponsor. "As a small city, we can never solve the drug and alcohol problems that play out on our streets, but this is one thing we can do."
The initiative cracks down on a wide range of behavior that some say make Berkeley's streets inhospitable to residents and visitors alike. Among the activities that will be banned are smoking near buildings in commercial areas, lying on the sidewalk, public urination and defecation, drinking in public, possessing a shopping cart and shouting in public.
Homeless advocates have fought passionately to stop the initiative, which they say victimizes the city's most vulnerable residents. The program's cost, about $2 million a year, would be better spent on housing, they argue.

In keeping with Jonathan Swift's plan to rid the UK of those pesky Irish tots, I have my own modest proposal for Berkeley, expanding on their fine start! (fingers crossed that y'all know Swift and will get it. A tad nervous, as I am sadly aware of the state of our educational system).

It is obvious their revitalization plan is a thinly disguised ruse to rid themselves of the homeless. Because, come on, the homeless LIVE in public and therefore are the only ones who must relieve themselves of extraneous bodily fluids in public. Excepting drunken revelers, of course. So I assume the ban will be lifted for parades, college protests and such.

They've also taken away their cars i.e. shopping carts. The City also must clearly know that they don't own the AIR around the city, so they must be relying on the fact that the homeless might not know any better and will trot right out of town if not allowed to smoke in their homes (again, their homes are outside in public). Unless Berkeley is like New Jersey, who apparently owns the ocean as they charge you a fee to swim in it.

But I digress. It seems that the epitome of a compassionate, tolerant, caring, loving, liberal city isn't without its problems. And if Berkeley is so hypocritical as to mandate things that fly in the face of their 'we love all, we are a sanctuary city" mantra, they may as well go balls to the wall. So I will help them out.

First choice, force all the homeless to provide services as stand-ins at any rallies that President Bush might attend. Filling out the crowd and whooping and cheering. So that he doesn't look so sad, pitiful and alone. Make it seem as if he has some supporters left. It may help our morale and may help with international negotiations.

Another way to go would be to make all the homeless indentured servants. You know those jobs "Americans won't do"? Well, there you go. Available bodies with nothing else to do. They'll fill those jobs. They wouldn't have much of a choice, would they? Kills 2 birds with 1 stone.

Hmm, the homeless really could come in handy with this immigration thing. Apparently, it is too hard to control our borders as we don't have enough man power. Use the free homeless manpower! As Berkeley has now announced to the World, people want to avoid the homeless at all costs and treat them like the plague. Therefore, anyone trying to sneak across the border and coming upon a homeless person instead, will clearly turn tail and flee right back to Mexico. What a wonderful deterrent!

In the alternative, as the homeless are not wanted in California, but illegal immigrants are, the California homeless should all cross the border South and then sneak back in as illegals. Then, Berkeley could assuage their guilt, as they would be forced to once again welcome the newly illegal, oops..I mean undocumented, homeless with open arms. Advocacy groups (and most of the United States Congress) would be falling all over themselves trying to help them. Berkeley would be unable to hide behind the banner of "preserving our quality of life" and instead would have protesters descending upon the City with shouts of Fascists! Racists! Xenophobes! Which would selfishly serve the additional purpose of entertaining me, as I would find it immensely amusing.

Well, that's my plan so far. I'm open to suggestions before I send my proposal to Mayor Tom Bates. We're tight.

But Can You Still Smoke in the Brothels?

2007-06-09T20:39:00.001-07:00

As you may have guessed by now, due to my incessant complaints, the Nanny State mentality is one of my biggest pet peeves. In fact, examples of that slippery slope getting more and more obtuse cause me to begin frothing at the mouth and muttering to myself. Well, frothing and muttering even more, to be accurate. The worst one of late? All the smoking crap. Now, even Amsterdam, home to the Red Light district with its legalized prostitution and home of pot bars and legal "magic" mushrooms is in on the freedom grabbing act.

A Dutch smoking ban will come into force in July next year for all restaurants and cafes -- including coffee shops where cannabis is the top attraction.

"Coffee shops will be treated in the same manner as other catering businesses. They will be smoke-free," Prime Minister Jan Peter Balkenende told NOS television.

"It would have been wrong to move towards a smoke-free catering industry and then make an exception for coffee shops. People would not have understood that."

Establishments will not in fact have to be completely smoke-free. Proprietors will be allowed to set up a separate room or glass partition behind which people can smoke, but customers will not be served there to protect staff.

"Employees should not have to work in an environment were they are constantly exposed to the harmful effects of smoking," Balkenende said after the cabinet's decision on Friday.

Amsterdam's renowned coffee shops, where marijuana can be smoked openly in a relaxed atmosphere, are one of the city's big draws for tourists."

First, doesn't that defeat the whole purpose of a pot bar? I'm no expert, but don't you need to SMOKE reefer? Second, did anyone ask the employees if they need protection? If I worked at a coffee bar, I'd be desperate for some second hand spliff smoke after dealing with pretentious asses all day long. Not to mention to escape the debilitating depression caused by working a dead-end minimum wage job.

Typical political correctness and nanny state mentality run amok. Apparently, there isn't one country left where you are treated like an adult able to make your own decisions without some "official" ass holding your hand and saving you from yourself. I just can't believe it is happening in Amsterdam now, of all places.

Amsterdam! Where it is OK to fornicate with prostitutes freely and openly (not that there's anything wrong with that. Whatever floats your boat), indulge in magic mushrooms when the mood strikes you or buy pot with your morning coffee, but for goodness sake don't you dare smoke it in a private SMOKING establishment. That's second hand smoke! It will kill us! Everyone says so! And if we repeat propaganda often enough, it makes it true, doesn't it? While we tax the life out of you while doing it, of course.

Speaking of the prostitution, does the smoking ban extend to the brothels? Those are also catering, service businesses, no? They do cater to all walks of life and they do provide services. What about the oft-needed (hopefully, at least) post-coital smoke? Do you now have to scurry outside?

Who would have thought that bars where you go to either abuse your liver and get falling down piss drunk or to pick up a sexually transmitted disease via a one night stand who appeared way hotter than they really were at the time, would become places of health consciousness? Please, stop killing my buzz. And now you've extended it to cannabis houses? Oh, the humanity.

Sadly, that isn't even the most inane ban of late. New Jersey, the State from which I recently escaped, is now set to ban smoking in your own private car if you have a passenger under 17 in the car. YOUR car. Fair warning; if one more person says "It's for the children", I may go off the deep end.

Even worse, in New York City they've run the gamut on second hand smoke bans and have now moved onto cigarette SMELL bans. Yes, just the mere lingering scent of a cigarette is now cause for panic. And fines. Seriously. If a customer smells, merely smells, some remnant of cigarette smoke they can complain to the Taxi and Limousine Commission and the offending cab driver will be fined.

Um, cigarette smoke is one of the better odors I've smelled in an NYC cab. In fact, I like it as it helps mask the other malodorous scents like stale vomit and foul body odor. But I guess you can't tax B.O. nor would it be politically correct to demonize people who stink. Or should I say people who are hygienically-challenged.

Anyhoo, so long Amsterdam of yore! Perhaps the genius elected officials will change their tune when the Tourist industry takes a hit. Or, rather, fewer hits. (groan)

Dems: Smoke & Mirrors 101

2007-05-29T21:49:00.000-07:00

The latest installment of the Democrat Party Agenda, as posted on their website:

"We will protect Americans at home and lead the world by telling the truth to our troops"

I guess that depends on what the meaning of "truth" is. Your current leading candidate, Hillary Clinton, is such a shining example of honesty and integrity. And whose "truth" do you mean, exactly? John Kerry's and Rosie O'Donnell's? You know, the "truth" that says our troops are terrorists? And dying for no reason? Yeah, that is a really compassionate, caring, tolerant thing to say to the people who are defending YOUR rights and freedoms. The very rights that you use to insult them. Nice. Or the "truth" (yeah, I am loving the sneer quotes. Be warned, more follow) that 9/11 was a scheme hatched by Karl Rove and Dick Cheney to boost Haliburton?

..."We believe in a strong national defense that is both tough and smart, recognizing that homeland security begins with hometown security.
Democrats have a plan that is comprehensive-- from repairing our military, to winning the war on terror, to protecting our homeland security, to ensuring success in Iraq and freeing America of its dependence on foreign oil--and it will finally prepare America for the security needs of the 21st Century. And we honor the sacrifices our troops, their families and veterans by making sure we take care of them when they come home."

Hmmm, let's just pick those three sentences apart, shall we?

...Begins with Hometown security: Um, wasn't it the Democrats who passed the entire onus of Hurricane Katrina onto President Bush and NOT the Local Hometown authorities? Oh! You must mean that you are changing course and will embrace the idea of citizens arming themselves? To provide hometown security and all. No?

Repairing our military: WHO was it that decimated the military? Wasn't it your hero Bill Clinton? Didn't he cut the military to obscenely low levels and refuse to give military raises? Wasn't it under the Clinton administration that Active military members actually qualified for welfare? ACTIVE military, no less.

Winning the War on Terror: Two parts..... I'm confused; I thought that, according to y'all, there is no such thing as the War on Terror? Two, I thought we already lost the phantom non-existent war? Again, I'm a tad perplexed.

Protecting our Homeland Security: By revoking that pesky patriot act that has caught an untold number of terrorists and foiled a butt load of plots, I guess. Not to mention giving RIGHTS to enemy combatants at Club Gitmo. Or is enemy combatant another no-no, racist term ? Is it now "poor misunderstood friends if only the Evil Bush would just TALK to them?"

Oh and making that border WIDE open. Or, I should say, wider. Which I didn't think was actually possible, but apparently it is.

Ensuring success in Iraq: See Winning the War on Terror. Yet again, I am baffled. Harry Reid et al have already told us, and our troops in the midst of FIGHTING, that we've lost. Perhaps y'all should read this Letter From a Soldier. Might help clarify things for your tunnel visioned minds. Not everything is about "getting" Bush or making him look bad, you know. Besides, he can do that well enough on his own.

Freeing America of its dependence on foreign oil: And how do you propose to do that, oh wise ones, when you won't allow any new drilling and you haven't allowed a new refinery to be built in over 30 years? Buddy up some more to your pal Hugo Chavez? Yeah, that's a good plan. He is so balanced and stable. A true strongman who now, literally, rules by decree. A Fidel Castro, but with oil. In fact he has equated himself with Castro, calling himself "The second Fidel Castro of Latin America". He also calls Saddam Hussein "A brother". But, I guess since he, dementedly, hates George W. Bush as much as y'all do, then he gets a pass and you'll gladly guzzle up his oil to fill your private jets while lecturing the rest of us on our incandescent light bulb and toilet paper addictions.

I won't even delve farther into the mess that passes for a Democrat Party agenda. Not one word ever truly means anything. It is just smoke and mirrors and not even good smoke and mirrors. Far too easy to see through and scoff at. A running litany of flowery, feel-good phrases that they hope us ignorant, Joe 6 packs will fall for, as we can't possible be as smart and progressive as they are. Well, you need new spinners, Democrats. It ain't working any longer. Hey, Karl Rove will be out of a job soon. Have y'all considered hiring?

A Tale of Two Drunks. And Gay Flamingos!

2007-05-21T22:36:00.000-07:00

The big news of the day seems to be the Immigration/Amnesty proposed Bill, but the bases are being covered there. And covered. To the point where, frankly, I'm tired of reading and thinking about it for now. It is making my head hurt. And my BFF neighbor man isn't around to pat it and tell me not to worry my purty lil head. Incidentally, I, sadly, am either so self-involved or so suffering from early onset dementia, that I do not remember his actual name. I've taken to simply calling him "My Hero" after the snake incident, which he seems to enjoy. His wife, not so much.

So I decided to peruse the "odd" news section of the news sites today and came across some rather interesting stories. Well, interesting to me. Baffling, depressing and funny all at the same time.

The Family Court Judge heeded the "Don't Hassle the Hoff" call and gave Hoff custody of his children. His drunken, hunk o' burger eating behaviour was BETTER than his ex-wife's. Allegedly. Come on.......look at the picture. I don't even want to imagine what could possibly make someone else a worse parent. Not to mention the fact that he's been hospitalized for alcohol poisoning 13 times. Although that does speak to his fortitude and he does get self-deprecation points for answering, when asked what he regrets most about the drunken video, "I just wish I'd used a knife and fork to eat that damn burger."

The next tidbit I read was a tale of a man shot in the head.......the odd part? He slept through it. The officer called to the scene, after the man finally awoke and noticed the blood..... Oh yeah, and the gaping hole in his head, had this to say " "We're just glad he didn't suffer any life-threatening injuries with a head wound". Which wasn't a very nice thing to say. A tad insulting, really. But perhaps helps to explain how someone could get shot in the head and not notice. If there isn't much up there to begin with, it makes more sense. The other possible explanation can be found in the next sentence in the article. "Lusher came home from a night on the town about an hour before he was shot while lying in bed, McQuaid said."

I am not making that up. His name is LUSHer. Apropos, no? And is "night on the town" code word for becoming falling down piss drunk, somehow finding your way to and stumbling into your bed and blacking out in a liver screeching stupor?

Next up........Gay flamingos can adopt, but gay humans can't? Something askew, no? Every gay couple I know who adopted were like these flamingos. They really, really wanted a child. Thought about and agonized over it for a long time and then went through years of hoping and waiting and building their nests. Not like a lot of us straight people who end up having a baby because the condom broke or we overindulged and whoops! Plus, the gay couples I know willingly and gladly adopt the children who fall through the cracks otherwise. At the risk of using an immigration debate cliche and, thus, reminding myself of said debate, they lovingly adopt the children no one else wants (head. hurting. again.) End sermon.

Not to mention, they can help their sons dress better and men, let me tell you, you are in desperate need of such guidance. As for daughters, they can train them in the fine art of being bitchy/catty.

A win/win situation for everyone, truly.

Get Carter

2007-05-21T10:16:00.000-07:00

In an unprecedented move, the White House has responded to former president Jimmy Carter, the only president who it's really difficult to remember what he looked like without imagining the pilot in Airplane crossed with a shaven bloodhound, after he claimed that the present Bush administration was the 'the worst in history'.

A spokesman for the Mr Bush said that Mr Carter was 'increasingly irrelevant', which is a little harsh given that he's about 758 years old and not as mad as a box full of frogs like most other former presidents.

The response marks a departure from the deference that sitting presidents have traditionally shown their predecessors. Personally, I think it's great. If I'd been the president of the United States of America, I'd march around telling everyone exactly what I think of them. To be able to say what he wants should be Mr Carter's absolute right.

It doesn't matter. It's not like anybody is listening.

Leo, the Gore Wanna-be

2007-05-19T20:15:00.001-07:00

I've now got a bone to pick with Leonardo DiCaprio, or DiCraprio as my brother, sister and I like to call him while chortling snarkily. Yes, we are puerile. I also can barely get my words out from snickering whenever I call my brother "Phil-do" or when we make fun of my Mother's Scottish brogue, which she oddly hasn't lost even after 40 years here. He's twenty-five and I'm thirty mumble mumble, yet we still find this to be the height of humor. Envious of our sharp Michael Ian Black -like (I love him) wit? You want to hang with us now, don't you?

Anyhoo, I keep tabs on DiCraprio just to have tidbits handy for our next familial insult fest. Discovered today that he is jumping on the Al Bore (another one of our fabulous turns of phrase) bandwagon and has made a dire warning/global warming movie. Turns out, DiCraprio might actually be an accurate name, as he apparently does have, in fact, shit for brains.

Harsh, you may think. But not once you realize his film doesn't even attempt to debate the very existence of global warming. It takes it as a given and claims we evil humans HAVE changed the climate. It also offers such esoteric questions as "how did mankind let nature deteriorate to this point?

DiCaprio defended Gore from criticism over the amount of energy he has been reportedly using to jet around the world and to run his home.

"Don't shoot the messenger", he said. "This person is trying to relay a message to the public and the way that he travels should not be splayed out like that."

DiCaprio said it should be oil companies that came under scrutiny and that the Government should make systematic change.
The US star said he took steps in his own life to reduce global warming, telling the famous film festival: "I do try to live my life in a green manner. I have installed solar panels in my house and the car that I drive is a hybrid one."

Yo, Leo....glad you drive some wussy hybrid ( how often do you actually DRIVE yourself?) and all, but what about that Thai beach you desecrated for no good reason. To film The Beach? Which was an utter waste of time, energy and nature (did anyone SEE that movie? And, if so, will you admit to it? )

As for "not splaying out" (whatever that means) how the wise and almighty Goreacle travels because he brings a message to us, the lowly public, who are greedily doing things like heating our apartments and suburban homes and driving to REAL jobs as opposed to whisking off in private jets, heating and lighting 20,000 s.f. homes or staging HUGE stadium rock concerts to promote the conservation of energy (explain that one to me), I've got a message for you --- hypocrisy, thy name is Leo. There, now I'm a messenger. Which must mean, based on your own reasoning, that I can now expand my carbon footprint exponentially with no guilt. What a relief!

Also revealed at the Cannes premiere was this insight into Leo's galactically huge ego and complete lack of understanding of irony; "Asked after the premiere of "The 11th Hour" whether he had taken a fuel-guzzling jet on his way to the French Riviera, the "Titanic" star spat back sarcastically: "No, I took a train across the Atlantic." I see, you HAD to. Sort of like how you HAD to destroy your neighbor's trees and plants to build your private basketball court.

Hmm, Leo, pot. kettle. black. To use one of Kevin Godlington's favorite phrases, which is also one of my favorites along with Meow (said after a bitchy insult, obviously). Last suggestion, Leo. Don't emulate your hero, Al Gore, too much. I suspect fat and bitter is not a good look for you.