paint, poems and ponderings

Such bounty

2008-08-20T18:23:00.003-04:00

Such bounty I have received from the garden of my blogland friends. I thank all of you for your kind and thoughtful words and shared stories as I and my family traveled the week of N.'s last days and death. The garden of friends has been planted, the heartvesting begun. The fruits of it all will provide nourishment and sustenance throughout the long cold winter to come.

Please accept my small thanks, this rich red heartful tomato, to be divided like the loaves and fishes amongst all of you. The seeds to plant for next year's crop. Namaste, Suki

Again, a thank you

2008-08-18T08:06:00.002-04:00

A group thank you to all who have written about my sister-in-law. I feel so nurtured by your caring. My brother seems to be doing well. N's brother and sister will be arriving today. I bought five bottles of locally made apple wine. Probably way too much. I sit with the sadness and face again the fact that life is impermanent.

Lynn said something about this being a time for me to think about life and death as it relates to my life. I think when someone close to me dies, it does set me to reaffirm the things I love in life and to reassess how I might continue to follow and or/create a new path that will manifest these things I love for me. In my belief there is only this one life for me to live as I am in the present incarnation. I will ponder a bit, make a few lists and hopefully take actions. My first action will be to get a massage next week. Open up the pathways, get the toxins loosened and on the move outward.

Meanwhile I will bake a quiche. Help my brother tidy up a bit and set up a few little "shrines" with flowers, pictures of N, candles and symbols of things she loved.

Photo: apple tree in spring. Now, we are harvesting apples.

2008-08-17T08:17:00.003-04:00

A heartfelt thank you to everyone who sent responses and kind thoughts regarding my sister-in-laws death. My brother is doing well, preparing his house to receive company: his wife's brother and sister, on Monday. Tuesday is the service and a small gathering afterwards. Truthfully, I have not attended many funerals, often opting not to go. And for my dad, we just had a small memorial here at his home. I honor those passing in my own quiet way, saying prayers and trying to be present in the present moment. For my brother, I will attend the funeral, and cook a quiche and make a salad for the afterwards. Today lots of driving to get wine, ingredients, and copies of the papers for the obituary notice. I have been reading your posts but generally not commenting. Namaste, Suki

photo: my brother's back field

My brother's wife died

2008-08-15T08:57:00.003-04:00

At about 8:30 on Thursday evening. My brother was with her and I went over as soon as he called. He was very upset of course. The hospice nurse came and was wonderful, doing the things that needed to be done. Earlier, her brother had come to visit from New York. It had been a gorgeous day, to set her on her journey.

Photo: a squash plant improbably growing through the dirt at the side of the road.

Wild West and Forever Yours wax collages

2008-08-15T00:03:00.000-04:00

Okay. Two more wax collages finished. Wild West.
Edge of Wild West.
Vintage photo on Wild West.
Forever Yours. Pine needles, pine cones, vintage photo. It's funny but this one I didn't like much until I painted the sides this blue/green. Now it's one of my favorites.

Forever Yours edge

Pine needles and cone close up.
Vintage photo.
The background is a vintage map. These are both now listed in my Etsy shop.

Precious breath

2008-08-14T00:04:00.001-04:00

Dying is one of the life works that we do. It is a task that being born sets upon us. The hospice nurses say my brother's wife has about another week of life.

She now has oxygen, a catheter, and a morphine pump. They may get a hospital bed. Even with the oxygen she struggles for breath, that precious breath. She moves in and out of consciousness. I visited her today briefly. She knew me and understood when I talked about feeding her humming birds.

Today is the first day she hasn't eaten her breakfast, hasn't watched her beloved soap operas. My brother cried, out on the porch. He said these were the signs that he expected to mark her giving up.

Is death a giving up? In some ways I suppose. Or perhaps it is an acknowledgment of the impermanence, and imperfection of life and of being human that has always been there in small ways. And now in a large way.

May peace be with her and with all who are suffering today. Blessings, Suki

photos from my walk. Fallen apples. Mushrooms and other fungus. The field down the road being cut once again.

Art Money

2008-08-13T08:01:00.004-04:00

I've either completed or am in the process of completing 18 Art Monies. The above is not quite complete. I made this toward the end of the series though, when my creative juices were flowing. I ink jet printed two of my photos onto vellum. The words are from an old book of Scandinavian Historical Tales I just purchased. The bottom strip is from a pen and ink sketch. I like the black and white effect quite well.

Another not quite done, with vellum photo and more pen and brush ink sketch.
Not quite done. Background is a piece of handmade paper. I like the uneven edges.

Color photo on vellum. The edges of the photo curled. This is incomplete.

In process and not yet glued up.

The rest shown I consider complete.

Now the question is what to do with them. I can't decide whether to list them on the art money site. I'd rather not give over my banking information. Also, how can these be worth $35? They are too big for ATC's. So, what are they? Merely amusement for a restless mind?

The dark and the light

2008-08-11T08:46:00.003-04:00

This weekend brought a brief respite from the dark clouds, after this one passed on Saturday morning. I spent as much time as possible out in the sun, sweating, I love to sweat, and basking. Today, we are back to rain, thunder and so forth. Thank you to everyone for your kind words re: blue. Today--I will try to finish the last three wax collages and continue gluing up my art money.

Blue

2008-08-09T08:12:00.006-04:00

Stuck here on the farm with the Cape Cod blues again, to echo Bob Dylan. No humans to talk to. Drive 50 miles to find people. No appetite. Food seems dull. Drooling for a meatloaf. Ruined it due to adding ketchup that was almost black. Dated 2006. Had to throw it all out.

Hokay. Wrote another list of how I can amend my distress. Find people who do things I resonate with. Take an art class, yoga, meditation, herbs, poetry. But where, where, where? Everything so far far far away. Drive for two hours for a one hour something. Exhausted. Make mom dinner every night by 4:30. Same dull salad of cut up and peeled cukes and tomatoes (for her, it's what she wants). Same boring glass of milk.

Mom: Takes percoset. The prescription got lost in the mail. Anxiety. She might run out. Me: two trips to the pharmacy with no success. Now, on Monday I will have to drive in one direction to the Doctors and another to the pharmacy to turn in the new prescription. Why does this make me so angry? She's been taking this drug for years.
Got to let go. The drug helps her manage her pain. She does well for a 90 year old. What do I know about pain. I have only emotional pain. I take chocolate or craft therapy. Rain and more rain for the week to come and for weeks behind. Must take care of me. That's it. No need for worry. Just grouchy.

Pictures are of cards I made. 1) collage 2 and 3) tissue paper with oil pastel and embedded plants or leaves etc.

League of NH Craftsmen's Fair

2008-08-07T00:09:00.000-04:00

This is the 75th year of the nine day League of New Hampshire Craftsmen's fair with hundreds of participating crafts people. Here you see a barrel in which potter Richard Foye raku fires his pots. A fire is set, the clay pot burnt and it emerges beautiful.

Just a small segment of the several hundred or more booths. All are inside tents. You can sign up for various workshops in soap carving, pottery and glass blowing. There are many demonstrations: silk painting, weaving, woodturning, calligraphy, glass blowing, basket weaving among others. There is food for sale too. And real rest rooms not port-a-potties.

Betty Lathrop paints a silk scarf. (Photo taken and posted with Betty's permission). Gorgeous scarfs and wallhangings. She also has some screens with silk panels. Some earrings of silk. Many designs had an Asian feel to them. That day she was contribution 30% of her profits to The Hunger Project.

I don't know why this was there, but I thought it was cool.

Dichroic glass earrings by Julie Schroeppel. I purchased these for myself.

A handbound book by Adele Sanborn. Her booth was also a demonstration booth for calligraphy and paste paper. Some of her artists books were just gorgeous. I bought this blank book and the next for my collection but Mom thought they were for her so they are hers now.

Inside this one was a stick-it-note pad.

Another book by Sandborn. The crafts people come from all over New Hampshire and also Maine, Vermont and Massachusetts as long as their town is within 10 miles of the NH border.

The inside of the fern covered book.

A small dish by Lulu Richter. I loved her pottery, many of her bowls and pots had holes in them. In imitation of wasps nests, bark with woodpecker holes, worn driftwood and so forth. Most of these folks did not have personal web pages. I stayed three hours but after two hours I was bleary eyed and exhausted. Plus I got lost on the way there although not badly lost. I ask for directions unlike some folks (usually male). It was a totally fun day and miracle of miracle it did not rain until 6pm by which time I was safely home.

Bookbinding

2008-08-06T08:03:00.006-04:00

A few of the tools. Mat knife, bone folder, ruler, Yes (or other) paste, self-healing mat.

Place bookboard (in this case I am using mat board) on cover paper cut one inch larger than bookboard on each side.

If cover paper is thin, fold over to create corners. Glue in place. If cover paper is too thick to make a neat corner, this triangle of paper must be cut off.

Fold up the four sides, glue onto bookboard. (No you aren't seeing things, I used a different book for these two photos.)

Glue endpaper onto back of bookboard. That is one cover of the two needed.

The completed books after sewing. Doing these reminded me why I don't like hard covers for this sewing style (Japanese Side Bound). Very hard to punch in the sewing holes. I was unable to bind these the way I wanted using posts as I couldn't make a hole big enough for the post. Frustrating. You need a drill sometimes. I was using an awl.

The exposed spine. You can cover the spine with another piece of paper, but I like it exposed.

The foredge.

Heavy

2008-08-05T00:12:00.001-04:00

Remember when we used to say that back in the sixties. "Heavy, man." Well, I'm talking literal heavy now. For the past few weeks I have sloooooowly been carrying Dad's book and record collection up to the loft so I can use the bookshelves for my art supplies and my own books.
Dad loved classical music and especially opera. He had hundreds of records. Sadly, his wonderful radio, CD player and turntable set up got hit by lightening and doesn't work or I'd keep some of these things at hand.
The stairway to the loft. I pray every time I climb these stairs. I finally devised a way to carry things and be able to use one hand on the rail.
Records or books are placed in a canvas sack. It's at the top of the stairway that lifting the heavy sack is hardest. But so far so good. It is just very slow. And I don't like to wear myself out so I only do a few sacks full each day. I feel sad sorting through these things that meant so much to Dad. I am wiping his presence out of the den, in a way, and installing my own presence. His ashes though, are still in a corner of the cabinet.

Today, Tuesday, I am heading off to the League of New Hampshire Craftsman fair. Should be fun. Be well, Suki

Award from Claudia

2008-08-05T00:03:00.001-04:00

Claudia, of Time Passages blog, has offered me the Brillante Weblog Award. Thanks so much Claudia. You are a dear. Do check out her blog for a peek at her beautiful watercolors. Claudia,I envy your talent. I would love to be able to paint with watercolors.

As I recently received this award from M. Heart and Kim and at that time nominated 7 other blogs, I am going to offer this award up to anyone who reads my blog. Please, you are all Brillante friends and bloggers. Take this icon if you wish and pass it on if you wish. Be well, Suki

Ponder this Sunday :Bramwell

2008-08-03T08:13:00.006-04:00

I am quite taken with the DVD's of the Masterpiece theatre television program Bramwell. Eleanor Bramwell is a doctor in the late 1800's in London. She runs a free hospital for the poor. She herself lives in a large Victorian house with her father, also a doctor. Eleanor falls in love now and again but the love interests always come to naught. Her dedication occasionally wavers but she always returns to "The Thrift," and tending to the poor. People die, medicine was a very different matter then than now, so I can't say the episodes end happily necessarily, however I always feel uplifted after watching one.

All my life I have cycled around these two things: tending to others and tending to my own creativity. At times, I have worked in hands on situations with the elderly and with the mentally ill. Very low paying jobs, but with the sense of tending to others, helping them make their way in the world in very humble ways. At other times, I have spent much of my time either writing or crafting, totally "self-indulgent." In the past I found it hard to combine these two parts of myself. I either did one, or the other.
Currently I am living with my 90 year old mom, my brother and his dying wife live on the same property, and my newly diagnosed with lung cancer Ex lives nearby. Mom is quite independent within the home. I cook meals, drive her around, keep an eye on her. My SIL is quite ill and failing right now, a bit more each day. My main help with her is to fill her bird feeders, and visit and listen. And the EX, I don't do much with him but visit. In fact, I don't do much with anyone but just "be here." I am able to also do some painting and craft work. So I guess I am combining these two parts of myself. But this is the first time in about 25 years that my physical presence is serving others. Previous to this I lived alone in my own little world.

Sometimes I feel I would like to make a larger contribution to the world. How, as an artist, can I contribute to the larger world, contribute a soupcon of peace and comfort to others? This desire goes way back to college days when, upon graduation, I wanted to join the peace corps like organization we had here in the US. I applied and they told me to reapply when I was more mature. (Humph). I still have not resolved that issue of a larger contribution.

How about you. Do you feel your art, poetry or prose writing is gift enough to the world? Do you feel you want to do more. How can that more manifest in our daily life in a concrete manner? What are your thoughts on this?

Martha Stewart does Encaustic

2008-08-02T08:07:00.005-04:00

Here is an 8 minute video of Martha Stewart and artist Leah MacDonald demonstrating one method of doing encaustic. Leah MacDonald is known for her photos, often black and white, which she paints and coats with wax. She pours her wax on the photo, thus getting a smooth, even coating. I've always painted the wax on with a brush. Also, she is using bleached wax whereas I use unbleached yellowish wax. It's a great demonstration, me thinks.

photo: one pound local beeswax, unbleached

pie, paper and a link

2008-08-01T00:03:00.000-04:00

Blueberry pie I made yesterday with purchased organic blueberries. I used less than 1/2 cup of sugar so the berries were sweet with a hint of tart. Delicious.

I have very little handmade by me paper left. This is something I did for a commission that was to have a Southwestern theme. I made about 4 of these and chose the "best" one for the commission.

If I remember correctly the colors come from using colorful paper to make this from although I have used dyes and also berries and grasses to get colors.

I believe this one and the next one were done with special dyes just for paper making.

These vague ones are made with the mold under water. You pour the pulps onto the water filled mold. The pulps swoosh around and are hard to control. You can place pieces of cardboard on the mold to separate one color from the other. This is one of my favorite methods. Most control is gone. So freeing. And fun.

I have finished five of my wax collages and have posted them in a picasa web album. Click here to see. In the upper left side there is a "slideshow" button. If you click on that, you can see the collages enlarged. "Such a Gift" is sold (well, traded really.) They are $50 each. Soon I will post them on Etsy but wanted to give you all a preview here.

Hanne and art money

2008-07-31T00:03:00.000-04:00

Is it a myth or the truth that artists used to pay their bills with a work of art? Don't you just think that's a cool idea? Ok Mrs. Dentist, give me my crown and I'll give you this painting. Some day it may be worth several crowns.

On her blog, Heaven and Earth, Hanne Matthiesen writes about art money. Art Money? I am fascinated and inspired. I read an article about Art Money in Somerset Magazine. But didn't follow it up. Art money is small (4 3/4" x 7") pieces of art work that can be used as money at various businesses.
You make your art money, post it on the art money site and then people can buy it and use it as money. Or of course keep it as a delightful small work of art. Hanne also makes beautiful books. Check out her Flickr site for photos. With her permission I posted a link to her studio photo in my studio list in the sidebar.

The first three photos are mock-ups of art money I may make. One regret, most of the businesses and travel establishments that accept art money for payment are not in the USA.

My table top. Stuff for art money.

Trying a slightly new bookbinding style. These are covers for four books I want to bind using little metal posts so that people can add more paper or different paper if they want. I still need to glue up the back covers and tear the interior papers. It is very similar to my Japanese sidebound book, but I will not sew the bindings, but as indicated use the posts.
They are proceeding verrrrrry slowly.

Turkey Babies

2008-07-30T15:22:00.005-04:00

They stroll the fields daily looking for food. Three mom's, 18 babies. With my little CoolPix camera this is the best I can do, looking through the window screen.

It has been a hard week for this introvert, getting my eyes checked at Walmart of all places, doing many errands, taking mom to the doctors, the grocery run, getting my car inspected for which in this state they take your brakes apart, jeesh, visiting the Ex and my son, and still to come, getting a NH driver's license on Thursday or Friday. All of these trips are at least a 1/2 hour drive one way. I have a number of new craft projects begun and stalled mid-stream. Well, patience, my dear. Needless to say, I'm a bit slow reading everyone's blogs but I'll be there......

Fifi's Blog Love Award from Cris

2008-07-29T08:07:00.002-04:00

A few days ago Cris posted this award from Fifi's flowers and offered it to anyone who reads Cris' blog. So, I do the same, passing it on to you dear readers. Fifi created this icon herself from her wonderful watercolors. Doesn't it look like a Paris park? My view of awards is this: what it does to give them is to bring to attention some new blogs we may not have been aware of. Sharing the awareness, kinda thing. So keep it and pass it on if you wish and share the richness of this blogworld we have all created. Be well, Suki

Ponder this Sunday: For the love of books

2008-07-27T00:03:00.004-04:00

San gave me this award yesterday. Thank you San. You are so sweet. The award inspired this post on reading. I've loved reading since I was a tiny girl and Dad read to me every night at bedtime. As soon as I learned to read there was no stopping me. Except for a horrible period a few years back when I was distressed and unable to concentrate, barely a day goes by without my reading something from one, two or three books. Reading takes me to places I have never been, into worlds I would never have otherwise known.

I've had many favorite books through the years. From The Wind in the Willows to Nancy Drew and Cherry Ames Student Nurse to Katharine Mansfield, Virginia Woolf, Anais Nin, Allen Ginsburg, Dylan Thomas. Oh on and on. About 12 years ago I discovered the Norwegian writer, Cora Sandel. Since then, I've read many of her short stories, the Alberta trilogy and a few other novels. The trilogy I have read 4-5 times. I recorded myself reading it on tape so I could listen to it at night.

The books were republished in the USA by Ohio University Press. The novels are about Alberta, who grew up in Norway and left for Paris in the exciting early 1900's. The character parallels Sandel who also left Norway for Paris to become a painter. Sandel painted for twenty years before she began writing her Alberta novels. Sandel married a sculptor and had one son. As did Alberta, the fictional character who was a writer too. I myself went to San Francisco in 1967 and married a sculptor and had one son. I also painted, then wrote, then painted. Throughout the novel (and what I know of Sandel's life) there seem many parallels with myself. This is part of the appeal, but there is much more. The language, the flow of the writing. The apparent ease of depicting the character's lives. As I read, I fall completely into the world Sandel has created.

The novels depict, in part, the process of writing, the struggles, the crossed out pages.The writing is stream of consciousness style and beautifully descriptive. These books have given me heart and joy at times when I've felt sad. In reading them I resonate with people, especially artists, of another era. Paris is described in such detail, I feel as if I were there with Sandel. They are rich and multi-layered. Some have said of them that "nothing happens." True, they are not plot driven. They are soul driven. I believe that in Norway, Sandel is well-known. But elsewhere that is not so true. An overlooked writer.

Do you have a favorite book , fiction or non-fiction, that is special to you? Did it change your life or views on life. Was it the characters, the setting, the themes, the subject matter that got you in the book's clutches?

The pictures on the covers are of Cora Sandel. One of the three books, Alberta and Freedom, is not depicted.

PS The icon is here for the taking for whomever would like it. I think it's so cute. It was made by the talented Daryl of Out and About in New York City. I love the idea of making an icon, though have no idea of how one does it.

Two more studios

2008-07-26T09:09:00.002-04:00

Here are photos of Mary's studio on Cape Cod. It is full of light and creativity.
And here is Marianne's studio in the Netherlands. These and all the studios---so wonderful!
photo: grape vines

miscellaneous

2008-07-25T08:07:00.003-04:00

Oh, that's what those big leaved plants are. Thistles. I want to say a big thank you to the overwhelming responses I've gotten about the farm sign and the how to hang a painting questions. So many fabulous suggestion to take under consideration. Hmmm, now I have to put on my thinking cap.

A corner of half buried things. Yesterday I had to go out in the real world and- gulp- become an official resident of this state. My Massachusetts car registration ends on August 30th. I lived in Massachusetts for 30 years. I had the same license plate for 30 years. So hard to see it go. It cost me, so far, $414 just for the new registration!!!! They have two license plates here ( just one in Mass) and the front of the car has no holes to screw in the second plate. You can't get it inspected without the second plate mounted. So, I had to order something or other that they will attach to the car to hold the second plate, cost $40.

Plus, here the inspections can cost whatever the inspection place wants to charge. In Mass it's a fixed price. Everyone charges the same. I know these are minor things but I felt so frustrated yesterday. I now have to wait till Tuesday to get it inspected. I hope I won't get arrested for driving with only one license plate.

I guess it's just a matter of change. I want to still be a Mass resident really. I want to be back in the past. This is not a good attitude. Well, let it be here for today. I will let it go soon. In fact, changing my official place of residence is part of letting go.

My brother and SIL had to let go recently too. Their dog, Buffy, (after Buffy the vampire killer) was born in Puerto Rico and abused. A woman brought her back to the US and my brother adopted her. She is sweet, but very nervous, jumping up on SIL's bed, barking. She was fine before SIL got sick but now with nurses, doctors, chaplains etc in and out of the house, Buffy just was a basket case. Luckily, the woman who originally brought her to the US was able to take her back.

Mim has posted photos of her wonderful studio. Take a peek. Thanks Mim. I also put a link on my post about studios.

Seeking the answers

2008-07-24T00:03:00.001-04:00

to the meaning of life. Well, no.......not quite that hard a question. Here is the farm sign, painted using M. Heart's wonderful instructions re: making a stencil out of masking tape. Nevertheless, mine came out sort of sloppy. Youre supposed to make your letters on the computer. But the word processing program didn't enlarge the letters enough, so I used my hand made letters. NOW I realized I should have made squared letters, easier to cut. But anyway. Would you use this sign? Or do it over?

Here's the studio sign done the same way. This I'm okay with for some reason. I used regular acrylic paints on this as it will be inside the house, not outside in the weather.

Question #2. You didn't think you'd get off that easily did you? :) I've put screw eyes and wire on the backs of the wax collages and look, they do not rest against the wall, but way out. I tried tightening the wire but it does no good. I put the screws in 1/3 of the way down from the top as my framing book says to do. I've done this many times in the past and don't understand what I'm doing wrong. Do your paintings hang flat against the wall, or slant away from the wall like this? What am I doing wrong?

Peace Rocks

2008-07-23T00:03:00.000-04:00

Babs sent me some wax she had bought at an artist's estate sale. Isn't it delicious looking. It's petroleum based wax, not beeswax so I'll have to do some research on how to use it, but I love it. So earthy and raw looking.

She also included some tool which I've already used one or two of.

AND most special of all and such a surprise--this collage Babs made and matted. "Peace Rocks" is the name. I just love it. The colors, the textures, the way she put together these scraps and bits and made a whole. the way the inside shape of the mat parallels the cut out shape in the collage. The dual meaning of the title. My walls are downright vibrating with all the marvelous art I have received recently. Thanks Babs for thinking of me!!!! You're a gem.

Yes, I showed you this yesterday. But I was inspired to work on it again and I can hardly believe the difference. I was fooling around with some fake gold leaf as a border on another collage and on a whim applied some to the edges around this one. I completely covered over the wonderful iron oxide paint. But....to me anyway.....it's a totally new painting.

I edged it in black wax. Laying wax over the gold leaf dulls it down of course. But nevertheless I like this. It looks to me like an old tapestry or something.

Meanwhile I glued the shield onto it's background and am continuing to glaze both together now.

More wax

2008-07-22T00:03:00.001-04:00

This one came together right away except for the little words which I just added. I took these words from a letter a friend wrote to me. Don't you just love her handwriting?

Attached with wax and coated with wax.

This is one of the old collages I made to make greeting cards. Somehow this seems "tame" compared to the other wax collages.

Remember the temple I've been fiddling with forever and a day. I added wax in spots and also added cloth to the doorway and waxed over it.

I really like how the wax settled on the tulle in the lower right hand corner of the door. Click to enlarge.