BLISS

Who are you? Like really who is the real you?

2009-06-10T05:03:00.000-07:00

So today I was just pondering over thoughts in my mind, as I usually do and I asked myself the question who really am I? Take away all my fears and what society sees of me and what do you really get?

The first thing that came to mind was that I am an non-conformist. It's in my nature and probably one of the strongest memories of me understanding who I am. I knew I was a non-conformist when at the age of four my mother was trying to read the bible to me and convince me of god and in my mind I was going I totally don't get this concept. I know I replied back to my mother "so who created god then?" and my mother just tried some long winded explanation and I was like, "yeah right". No I honestly think I did say something on the lines of "yeah right". She kept going on and on...but I was like yep that doesn't really sit well with me. So I basically switched off...and for the whole 17 years of my life at home, she was unable to ever convince me. God bless her ;) I didn't just have her trying to convert me my whole adult life but people in my religion as well. I had the whole crew throughout my adolescent life trying to "convert me", but I couldn't conform. I tried...I really tried, but me conforming just made me feel worse because I was meant to be believing in something I couldn't get a grasp of. I think even went into a state of depression because of it, why couldn't I understand the concept of God? Why couldn't I believe? Why couldn't I just conform? Why couldn't I just go with it, like so many others in the religion. And the honest truth is...honesty. I can't be a fake, I can't pretend to be something I am not, when I do my whole mindset suffers. It's in my nature to be me, to the real me and when I try not to be the real me...I become totally unhappy.

So I am a non-conformist.

Sia

2009-06-03T08:14:00.000-07:00

I came across this singer tonight and was so pleased to find out she's an Aussie. I have heard a few of her tracks before, but she sounds amazing in this "live" session. What an amazing voice!!!

Twitter Smitter!

2009-05-07T05:09:00.000-07:00

I just don't get twitter. It's embarrassing, writing random lines of crap. Who cares if you had thirteen shots when you were 21 and passes out and now your in your forties, reminiscing.

I'd rather just write long lines of crap, that makes more sense to me ;)

Just let go like Bunny!

2009-05-06T21:10:00.001-07:00

Spliff anyone?

2009-05-06T06:06:00.000-07:00

I typed this in google tonight "help me grow forums", thinking I might be able to find myself a new personal development forum, but this is what I got instead when I type in help me grow -"Grasscity.com Forums - Marijuana Growing and Smoking Community". Ha ha! Probably do need some loosening up ;)

Depression caused by your job

2009-05-06T00:27:00.000-07:00

My thoughts on depression. I have a feeling someone in our family is about to have a nervous breakdown and go into deep depression. I really feel for the "said" person. I've dealt with depression myself and also seeing my dad go off the rails with his nervous breakdown, which then caused him to go "bipolar". I believe depression, has a lot to do with how as a society we a forced into doing things that we don't want to do, because society tells us we have to do certain things in life or we are deemed unsuccessful. It's very hard to break away from what everyone thinks is the "norm/the mold" and do what really suits you. But I think this is where big problems arise. I think one of the biggest factors to people going into depression is to do with work/jobs, either the job is not suited to the person, or your trying to force yourself to be in a field that really isn't you, too much work, no support or you may just not gel with the people you work with. Now when someone in your family isn't coping with work and starts taking sick days, becomes very quiet at home, or you notice that they are doing odd things, the worst thing in my opinion is to just tell them "to just go to work or you will lose your job". Well dirrrr, no rocket science there, but really forcing someone who is showing the signs of not coping, forcing them to go to something that is causing them to feel ill, is not the solution, unless you want them to eventually fall into a full on nervous breakdown, which I believe in my dads case for example pushed him into a bipolar type state. Sure push them to go to work, but don't expect that will help you later down the track, you might be doing more damage than good. I'm telling you, it would be better to have "said someone", quitting their job and looking for a job that's much more them, then looking after a screaming, crying, suicidal person.

If someone is not coping in their job, then you really just have to honestly sit back and assess is it really worth the stress. Sure there's good stress, where there's a lot of work on and sometimes it hard to handle the workload, but still love your job. I'm not talking about this kind of stress. I'm talking about the stress, where your in over your head and feel inadequate...and that's where problems start to arise.

Having a father that went into a full-blown breakdown due to his job, was a really good eye opener for me. I have a similar temperament to my father, so I am well aware that if I don't look after myself and my emotions enough, that I too could very likely have a breakdown and I wouldn't be suprised if that happened that I would also be labeled with bipolar. I don't have bipolar or any real symptoms of bipolar, yet, but "IF" I ever did go of the edge, I believe bipolar sytems could kick in. What I'm trying to say is I don't think you have to be born with bipolar, but an event could trigger something in the brain to make it change it's chemical levels (I'm sure doctors would disagree with this theory, but since I think most DRs got their degree through the ass, I don't hold much value in their opinions).

Anyway, knowing what my father went through I have been on a journey to make sure I never have to go through a similar situation myself. I almost did get there myself and it was freaking scary...but I pulled myself up and said "ah, ah...I'm not going to make the same mistake, so lets sit back and understand what's really happening here". And ultimately I came to realise I hated the people I worked with and the job really was over my head and when I could finally be honest about it and not try and be something that I was not, I was able to let it go. That in itself was a huge thing, to let go and say, "I'm just not that good at this". I am a perfectionist, and I am also someone who hates not succeeding or admit that I am not succeeding so to come to that point where I was able to do that was a pretty big step. But when I did that, I actually let go a big burden that was on my shoulder. When I let go of being perfect, I learnt that ultimately it doesn't really matter if I'm not good at what I thought I was good at. I mean who really cares? Once I let go of trying to be something I was not, somehow I was allowed to find work in areas that made me much more happier. I can honestly say, in the last 12 months I have been the happiest I have been in a long time and I never have that real stress anymore, just that good stress. I didn't even have to find my jobs with any real effort they practically landed on my knees. All because I let go of trying to be something I am not.

So if someone you know is finding their not coping with work, my advice is not to encourage them to go to work and things will get better. Encourage them to really understand why they are not coping, and encourage them to take steps to find a path that will suit them better. Encouraging someone to stick to something they don't like, will make the person feel they are doing something wrong, and they are more likely to bottle up their fears, until the reach breaking point. You don't want them to get to "breaking point" and when someone reaches breaking point, then a lot of others around that said person, will also tend to get to "breaking point" as well.

Another wow!

2009-04-27T00:52:00.000-07:00

Can't embed this one either

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RY-BY4YNs0o

Oh what a crack-up!

2009-04-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

This probably wont be that funny to most people, as they have no clue of nonsociety.com/ but basically they guys below have done a parady on them and I find it hilarious. I wrote many months ago about my despise for this wannabe has been Mary Rambin, tacky handbag designer. So I was so delighted to watch this paraody. Oh and joyful...joyful Mary has quit non-society. Maybe she can get a real job and do something! Curtesy of gawker Seriously these girls just get my goat-up, they are such superficial bitches, it's not funny. Someone needs to teach them the life of real hard knocks. Why do people like this even get a chance to make money? What does this say about our society? I wonder!

Welcome To NomSociety from Richard Blakeley on Vimeo.

On another note I found this artist on vimeo and I love the song, so much so that I purchased it on itunes. Boy the internet is great for allowing newer artist to get exposure.

Allison Weiss - I'm Ready from Richard Blakeley on Vimeo.

I balled my eyes out watching this - Susan Boyle sings I Dreamed A Dream on

2009-04-13T04:44:00.001-07:00

Sorry can't embed this one at this stage

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6PPlkOyaqaQ

Personal Development Forums? Suggestions?

2009-04-12T05:58:00.000-07:00

I wrote this a number of months ago, but saved it in my drafts folder, because I wasn't sure if these were in fact my true feelings, or a reaction to Steve's announcement on polymory. It's been a number of months now and I can say that I really am not that much into Steve anymore. Below is what I wrote 3 months ago. Maybe you can suggest a similar forum, that has a better vibe?

------------------------------

I'm on the lookout for some new Personal Development Forums or area of growth. Steve Pavlina's forum really hasn't been doing much for me for a long while. I think I have outgrown it. This is has nothing really to do with the polymory stance, it's more that overall I don't get as much from the forum as I used too. I don't know I think my thinking is shifting and Steve's site just doesn't challenge me enough anymore. It's lacking something, the discussions seem to be a bit stagnant apart from the poloymory issue. Even that topic is quite boring to me. It's an interesting to a point and I have learnt about a new area I had never thought about, but just doesn't really resonate with me that much and so I'm getting bored with the topic. He will probably go on and on about it, like it's some huge shift, just like his supposedly, huge criminal past. He's such a rebel - he he! Don't we all do silly things like that? I know I did. I was a good petty theif myself :) I think I will just keep on bringing my rebellion up for the rest of my life to make me feel somehow, much cooler than I am.

I don't really feel that the site allows you to really get into deep in meaningful discussions, because it seems Steve has an answer to everything and there is no "give" so to speak and so it just becomes a site, where someone is pretty set-in their ways and just not open to really listening to other peoples point of view. I see it to be no different to organised religion to be honest and I don't want to get back to following that path. Too many religious organisations are not open to hearing other peoples ideas or thoughts and only like listening to their own ideas. I personally connect with people that say "hey I hear what your saying, don't not agree with everything you're saying but I will take you opinions on board", and yes you can say that, but still not really mean it, which is the thing that gives me the shits.

Typical talk I am hearing from Steve is, "I'm not judging people, but I don't get people that don't think like me and wont associate with these people" - ROLF! Again not really any different to organised religion. Organised religion has the same line of thinking, if you don't really think the way I do, then I don't see the need to associate with you. Rather than being open to different viewpoints and ways of thinking and life.

I have to say though, from Steve I have learnt a lot. I've learnt to trust in my own instict a lot more, believe in myself, become more aware of my behavior. I have learnt about raw food and from that I have found some great communities and people. Like Kevin Gianni and Bunny Berry and her Rawfu site. These people though are more aligned with my type of thinking though. They're more open to mistakes and admitting they're not perfect and they make mistakes and don't have the definititve answers to everything. They're basically not PERFECT, REAL PEOPLE and HUMBLE!!!! They just seem a bit more on PLANET EARTH and understand how to connect with the average jo blow. They also really seem to give back to the community. You know like Kevin and Anne-Marie are going around the USA to meet real people and teach people about health and a lot of this is off their own back and not about finacial gain. I persoanlly haven't seen Steve give that much back to the community. Sure he intreacts with people on the forum, but I think he really is still very much for himself and personally I think he could do a lot more selfless acts. He obviously would have some sort of line, "like that is not aligned with his journey...blah...blah...blah", but then I say, " I'm not aligned with his journey...blah...blah...blah!"

I really believe Steve isn't as in touch with his emotions as he makes out. He seems to be an eccentric man/millionaire, who is very smart, but...sort of not completely out of touch with reality. I imagined Steve to be not to dissimalar to a eccentric millionaire I spent a day with a few weeks ago. I think that was also a bit of eye opener for me and it was there to teach me a valuable lesson.

FACEBOOK - HE HE!

2009-01-21T02:24:00.001-08:00

Great little commercial - will put a smile on your face!

2009-01-17T18:04:00.000-08:00

Nice Art Direction

2009-01-16T02:29:00.001-08:00

Not so sure about the song, but the art direction is awesome.

What Else Is There? from Röyksopp on Vimeo.

I'm a bitch...don't always listen to me

2009-01-02T22:38:00.000-08:00

Ok well I think I overeacted a bit yesterday to Steve's post , but I still feel that at time Steve is very stubborn and thinks he's king of the world. Sometimes I feel he is just laughing at everyone.

He's now written a new article and well he articulated it much better. I probably wouldn't of chucked a tanty if he had written it like that in the first place.

But it shows me how judgemental I am, especially to people I have not met face-to-face.

So yes I can be a judgmental bitch, but I already knew that about me. I got have some bitchiness in me or then I would be really boring!

Steve Pavlina Polyamorous

2009-01-01T20:44:00.000-08:00

Agggh, as some may know I am a bit of a follower of a personal development guru, Steve Pavlina. Just yesterday he updated his blog with the announcement that he has decided to move into the area of Polyamory (which is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship ). I was not surprised with Steve's announcement, I had a feeling he would come out with this statement in the not to distant future, but the thing is it's really got to me!!!

I knew it this day would arrive, what I did not anticipate was the emotions I felt once he explained it all. I try to be an open minded person in most cases, try not to judge and really analyze things for all angles. However, following Steve over the years and his journey I have come to see that he is not always right or perfect and that he can easily manipulate words, to sound like the are correct when that is not the case. Personally I think Steve is quite selfish, I'm not saying all poluamorist are, but in the case of Steve I do. I believe Steve is a very stubborn man, one that doesn't really ever relent in being wrong and although he comes across at times as being really in-touch with his "emotions", I don't actually believe this is the case. I believe he doesn't know how to love someone fully, because of his selfishness and unwilling to let-go of being in control. The way he justifies polyamory just seems to be another selfish way for him to "get his cake and eat it".

His wife is quite open and honest about it all, but deep down I think she's going along with all of this because of her devotion (or she just doesn't realise yet what she feels) to her husband and kids, and so at the moment she is justifying his actions. I think she's going to get hurt, really hurt, but I can not feel sorry for her really, because she choose this man and I believe she probably would of known something like this would eventually take place.

I don't believe necessarily believe in the fairy-tale ending (it can happen though), that there is one true love for us all, get happily get married and stay together forever. I think as human we tend to grow, day by day and sometimes our current other half may not grow at the same rate or in the same direction and if this is the case then we move on to our next journey, so we can grow even more. Actually I stole that line from a good friend.

I personally at this current point of time do not believe in the sanctity of marriage. I think it's a bunch of bull to be honest. A piece of paper is not going to make a relationship work, no... istead work is going to make a relationship work. I'm not saying I would say "no" to the idea of marriage ever, but it would be more for formalities and legal reasons rather than making a commitment to another. I know sounds sad, but I'm a realist too. But also bare in mind I am not in a relationship, so I may have a slightly slanted view on the whole thing, but I have a feeling I am not too far off the mark. Having said that I also feel when I do meet my other significant other, I have a feeling they will find the sanctity of marriage very important. Role reversal here. I know what I tend to attract and it's men that like me more than I like them.

However, with poluamory I think it's a really hard thing to be successful, sure there will be people out there that make it work, but I think as someone put it, "it's hard to handle the emotion of one person in a relationship, yet alone adding another person/s' to the dynamics". I also have a feeling majority of polyamory relationships do not end well.

I also have a feeling I know who recently Steve has taken affection too, but somehow I doubt she will go for it.

What do you think? What's your thoughts on it all?

If you are intersted in reading steve's article you can here
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/12/2009-focus-intimate-relationships/

And his wife response here
http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2009/01/polyamorous-relationship-qa/

Ryan Gosling Sings!

2008-12-25T14:27:00.000-08:00

In The Room Where You Sleep

Holding my tongue

2008-11-04T14:37:00.000-08:00

I find it it really hard to hold my tongue on a particular forum. I really have to try my darndest to leave things alone. What I have learnt though is people really see things in a different light. I always think to myself, nobody could see something differently to me. Everyone must see the same line of thought as me, but it's just not the case.

What I see as clearly being right, other people see as wrong. I get such a shock when people react in a different way to my way of thinking. I look at myself and say, am I crazy, am I blind, what aren't I seeing that someone else is seeing, can't they see it as clear as daylight?

But I guess the answer is, we all are quite different and yes are brains react quite differently too. So that begs the question, is there ever a right answer? If not that's pretty scary!

Please watch this - Garry Null Lecture

2008-10-29T18:04:00.000-07:00

I'm bitching about Mary Rambin tonight

2008-10-27T05:11:00.000-07:00

I feel like having a bitch tonight and what better way to do that, than with someone I don't know or care about!!!!

I came across Mary Rambin through Julia Allison's site. Julia Allison if you don't know is an internet wannabe something or other and now she has posse joining her. She and her two little posse puppets have created a new site that's meant to engage us viewers with some sort of notable information about technology mixed with sex and the city chit chat. Unfortunately, they just come off as try hard wannabes, that really say nothing of much interest at all.

Now all three girls are annoying, but the one that takes the cake for me is Mary Rambin and the reason being is that she confesses to a fashion designer and know it all style queen, which is just laughable. I think she needs a bit of a reality check, has she looked at herself in the mirror lately? If you going to profess to know something about fashion at least get some taste. Every outfit that I have seen her in, look so drab and tacky, it's not funny. The clothes might be expensive, but unfortunately they just look like something that been brought from a second hand designer store, where chanel suits from 10 years ago are sold. This woman seriously needs to get a stylist, to help her get back into the year 2000. Hasn't she figured out that "clueless" fashion went out...well...when "clueless" was on. Seriously leopard print scarves??? That's something my mum would wear.

To top things off this woman designs handbags and teh ugly ones at that. Seriously what gives the right for someone with some money the right to claim themselves as a handbag designer? She's just lucky that she has a somewhat famous sister (I don't know she acts on tv or something) so somehow she has roped celebrities into using her handbags. The handbags, just look tacky and just still thinking of "clueless". The first thing I thought of was the material used, all cheap, looks like she has used pvc and of course that leopard skin print. If you going to claim to be a handbag designer, get to understand quality lady. Use fine leathers and step away from the cheap stuff.She had the gaul to complain about someone big fashion designer copying her designs...well shame on that designer for copying something so BAD!!! To top things off she has name her bags Moe bags, like she thinks her associating her label with a sophisticated champagne is going to maker her bags seem classy. You should know you don't have class when you name your bags after a fine champagne.

If Julia Allison wants a chance of making it big and I was her manager, I would suggest ditching Rambin, she cheapens her whole look, the other girl is pretty so she can stay.

And to finish things of get a haircut, your hair is ratty! Split end peoples, split endz!!!!

Ah that felt so good!!! I love a good bitch!!!

Now this girl has the right idea http://whatiworehatedbymaryrambin.tumblr.com/ I think she has more taste than rabin and you know why because she's unique and she doesn't follow the norm, she's a bit Christina Ricci/Thora Birch/Katie Perry... a girl after my own heart.

I've also decided to remove all external links from my blog, because I now just want this to be my blog, nothing more...nothing less.

Ha ha!

2008-10-25T19:31:00.000-07:00

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Quite moving really

2008-10-03T06:52:00.001-07:00

Chatham Light - Letus Extreme Film - HDTV from Tom Guilmette on Vimeo.

Three Hour Lunch from Tom Guilmette on Vimeo.

Continuing on...how easy it is to believe in the unbelievable

2008-06-25T04:44:00.000-07:00

Brilliant little doco, on how easily one can be swayed to change their belief patterns. I highly recommend watching all 8 videos.

Derren Brown UK illusionist, shows how gullable we can be!
-------------

Here's another video going through tricks.

I kind of understand how he did the last one with the boots. He talks about making the image "bigger and brighter" so you know it's going to be a big sort of object and then he says "it slowly forms in front of you", which would make you automatically think of an object near by or in front of you, then he uses his hands to elongate the object, so it's long, and so he gets the word "boots". Still can't understand it, but very clever nonetheless.

and look at this one too!

As you can see I have spent half the evening watching all these videos, they're amazing!

ok last one I promise!

I actually wonder if derren is still just tricking us audience to believe he is doing this trickery through psychology and mind games. Could it not be that the audience may really know what's going and is in on the act, but because he tells us that it really is just smoke and mirrors we find it even more believable. Just another way around tricking the audience, subconsciously. So really it's tricking the audience who thinks that they're not being tricked, to be actually be tricked. Confusing huh?

I'm up late...religious show

2008-06-12T09:39:00.000-07:00

OMG I'm sorry to all you religious people, but WTF! I'm listening in the background to this moron talking about god (living world christian centre), waving his hands around, saying "jesus this, hallouloua" and speaking slowy saying words like "c-o-n-t-r-a-d-i-c-t-i-i-o-n" and finishing his sentences off with "amen", seriously how can people believe this shit? Now he's screaming into his bible with his head nearly touching the podium.

He's talking crap and it just shits me that people get fooled into joining these sects. I have no clue what he's talking about. Sorry it just reminds me of all the crap I had to listen to when I was a JW, accept this guy is a lot worst.

Just don't get me started on Benny Hinn, who's a charleton. It makes me he sick that he makes 80-100 million a year from his business, yes busines, not religion. And what's even more sad, the people in the audience look educated, smart, sophisticated.

Ok sorry for my rant. I just had to get it off my chest.

If I was ever to be religious it would be with Buddhism. It's one of the only sensible religion out there IMO.

Flight of the Conchords Ep 3 Hiphopopotamus vs. Rhymenoceros

2008-05-25T06:11:00.000-07:00

I forgot how funny this show is. It was on telly this evening and I had such a good laugh. I especially liked this episode. This was a little exert from it.

I have been tagged!

2008-05-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

I don't have seven online friends either ROLF!

1. Link your tagger and list these rules on your blog

2. Share 7 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.

3. Tag 7 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.

4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog .

So here they are:
1. I was brought up as a Jehovah's Whiteness (atheist now)
2. I'm a bad diet buddy too :)
3. I'm very very messy. Like I'm talking really messy that it spills over into my car!!!
4. I don't like cantaloupe
5. I don't listen to music that often
6. I never read novels
7. I pretty much failed year 12 and I told no one :)

I am tagging Linda50 and
jeybird8