Sandra Joseph

Signing off

2009-03-26T15:45:00.002-04:00

Hey, you! Yes, you, the cherished reader of my extremely infrequent blogs. I'm writing to tell you that I'm going on an indefinite hiatus. I so appreciate your visits, and I have loved communicating with you through this snappy little medium but I'm focusing my writing time on my memoir right now so I'm signing off here.

Friend me on facebook and let's keep in touch. If and when I ever get my book into the world, maybe I will start blogging again. But for now, I want to say a heartfelt, "thank you for stopping by" and wish you well as we part ways. Keep moving in the direction of your dreams and I'll see you soon.

Much love,

Sandra

Blissipline

2009-02-07T22:57:00.003-05:00

Hi, loves!

How are we doing with the goals we set for the New Year? Miraculously, I'm actually sticking to mine more often than not. I'm far from perfect but I seem to have found a schedule that works for me and most days I'm moving in the direction of my goals. Hallelujah!

One thing that's helping me to stay grounded is that I've started bookending my day with quiet time. It's a simple spiritual practice which doesn't take long but it does wonders for my sense of well-being. I take a little time to read something inspirational (from one of my favorite spiritual authors or poets), then I set an intention for the day, and think about what I'm grateful for. No big fancy tada, but enough to cause a shift in my perception of my life. I find myself noticing things I'm grateful for all throughout the day. Tonight while I was out walking the dogs (I'm grateful for them every minute) I was thinking how lucky I am to live in such a quiet condo complex. I was grateful for the warm air (40's felt downright balmy), the nearly full moon, and even the pavement I was walking on.

A consistent spiritual practice was one of my goals for this year. Writing and going to the gym regularly were also at the top of my list. I am proud as hell to say that I've been more consistent with exercise over the last year than I have ever been in my life. I still need work on my meditation practice. Part of the problem is that in my anal Virgo-ness, I feel that it isn't good enough unless I sit down for at least twenty minutes. Yet I know that the only bad meditation is no meditation. Today, after I did forty minutes of cardio, I sat down to meditate with the album "Eternal Om" on my ipod for only four minutes. But it's better than nothing, right? I'm still figuring out where in the day meditation works best for me. One thing that's helped me tremendously with exercise is that I no longer force myself to do it first thing in the morning. I've never functioned at full throttle in the morning, so now my routine looks like this:
After my morning quiet time (which I do before my feet even hit the floor), I have coffee and check email, maybe facebook, and read a few of my favorite blogs. Then, I get to work on the book. I write until my brain hurts and by then I am actually looking forward to the gym. My body is anxious to move and my head longs to rock out to Jason Mraz, the Dreamgirls soundtrack, or (I admit it) soft rock from the seventies. (Yes, I saw that infomercial with Air Supply and bought the Time Life collection. It makes me insanely happy. "Summer breeze makes me feel fine...")
Then, it's shower, dinner, laundry, bills, and whatever else needs doing. Late night is tv time with the hubby, usually with Murphy snuggled between us on the couch, a fire in the fireplace, and a glass of wine. By bedtime, I have a long list of things to be grateful for.

Now I do not always stick to my schedule. I blow off the gym sometimes or spend more time surfing than writing. But when I am consistent, I feel pretty darn blissful. I learned the silly and fabulous word "blissipline" this week from Michael Bernard Beckwith's book "Spiritual Liberation". (He's the dude with the long braids from "The Secret" and his book is fabu so far.) Now in the old days when I would fail to live up to my standards, I used to come down very hard on myself for it. Big loud swat with the yardstick for you, Sandra, you worthless, lazy, good-for-nuthin' slug! Guess what that kind of self talk made me want to do? Crawl under the covers and never come out. So, these days I'm trying a new approach. When I have an unproductive day, I simply let it be without judgment. I refuse to base my self-worth on my level of productivity. It simply backfires. Instead, I choose to judge myself on only one thing--my ability to love myself unconditionally. If I have been a slacker, and I can still look in the mirror and like who I see, then I've had a successful day. But if I've cranked out a new chapter or done a performance and all the while I'm thinking what a talent-free loser I am (not that I've EVER had that experience...) then the day has been wasted. My goal above all others is self-compassion because out of that generous spaciousness I am able to give the best of myself to others. Now that makes me want to get up and out, to dance with the world, to play and create and sing and write-and to enjoy this precious time on planet earth, and love all the people I love.

Happy New Year

2009-01-11T14:40:00.002-05:00

I'm back. Sorry it took so long- and big thank you's to those of you who emailed to say, "where the heck are ya?". I'm happy to report that this time my MIA status was not due to the blues. Life did throw some unexpected curveballs, though. I went home to Michigan for a surprise Christmas visit with the family and my sister decided (with no consideration of my travel plans) to have her intestines get all tangled up, which required surgery and turned my four day trip into eight days at the hospital. She is home recovering now (whew) and I'm finally back to the Jers. It really was a gift to spend the extended time with my family, and I was enormously impressed by my sis's strength and lack of woe-is-me-ness.
Ron and I were in Washington, D.C. over the holidays. He was performing in a concert called, "The Music of Andrew Lloyd Weber". Never heard of the guy. :)

I'm now getting back to the book-writing, gym-going, healthy-eating routine and it feels great. I won't say these are New Year's Resolutions since we all know the stats of success those have. But I will say I have renewed my goals and I feel the momentum this time of year always brings. The trick for me is to go easy on myself when I don't meet every one of my ideals. It's so easy to get discouraged and say, "oh forget it, it's not worth it, I'll never get there, blah blah blah..." So, I'm working on being disciplined but also remembering that I am not my to-do list and if I fail to check something off, it isn't the end of the world.

Yesterday, I wrote four new pages but didn't make it to the gym. Today, I'm going to work out but I may not crank out the writing. Hopefully, most days I will do both. But even if all I do is walk my dogs in the snow and breathe in the quiet January air, I will be grateful. Our value is not determined by how much we accomplish but by how much consciousness we bring to whatever we do. Having said that, I'd love to know what you're doing to make 2009 your best year yet. Tell me your goals and how you plan to cope if you don't meet them PERFECTLY.

Peace, productivity, and more peace...

Sandra

Waking up again

2008-12-01T15:10:00.005-05:00

I hope everyone had a terrific turkey day. Do you like the picture of my bird? I'm a veg-head so I didn't eat it, but I thought it looked pretty, especially with the crazy silly little white poofs on its feet!
Chances are if it's been a looong time since I've posted a blog, I've been going through a rough patch. I confess it's true this time. After coming down from the high of election night, I fell into a bit of a funk. I've been trying to rally and sometimes I get to feeling pretty normal, but then I seem to sink again. I could list a dozen different potential contributing factors, from the weather to the coming of the one-year anniversary of my dad's death, but I'm choosing to forego excuses. I don't like to write anything to you lovely folks unless I feel that it might lift you up in some way. Why shold you bother reading a blog full of complaints? You've got your own problems! But I decided to write today even though the fog is still surrounding me a bit.
We ALL go through these periods, do we not? Maybe some of us are more prone to despair than others (my hand is in the air) but from time to time we are all bound to feel like the best place to be is under the covers. For me, this is a reminder that I've been sleepwalking through my life. It's a wake-up call that tells me it's time to tune in again, to wake up to what's really important. It always means I've let my spiritual practive fall by the wayside. You don't have to be religious-you don't even have to believe in God-to have a spiritual practice. It can be a simple ritual of gratitude, like taking time each day to write down a few things you are thankful for. In the last few days, I've started meditating again. It helps my state of mind so much to just take a few minutes (prefereably twenty but I'm working back up to that) to STOP, to take a conscious break from the mental chatter that clogs up my inner peace. I find out when I stop long enough to separate myself from my thoughts that FEAR has been running the show. I have so many fears, worries, concerns, anxieties. If I don't stop to shine a flashlight on them, they linger around in the shadows and unbeknownst to me, they take over.
My wonderful family drove from Michigan to New Jersey to spend Thanksgiving at my house. We had a great visit and the dinner I made didn't turn out half bad (see above pic). There is only one thing that would have made the weekend better- if I could have stopped my brain from envisioning my sister's car flipped upside down on the way home. The most precious people in the world to me were all in one vehicle-even my two nephew dogs!- and I couldn't help but go to the worst case what-ifs. This is insanity. It is self-inflicted torture having nothing to do with reality. Fortunately, I've done enough spiritual work to have a few techniques to help soothe my frantic, worried mind. The bummer is you can't just learn this stuff once and then be cured. It is a PRACTICE. I always thought that if I just read the right book, went to the right seminar, studied under the right teacher, then I'd finally "get it" once and for all and be able to move on, to never have to confront my old fears again. But I still have to practice what I've learned EVERY DAY. How do I do that? By challenging the troublesome thoughts, by confronting them and shining the light of truth into my darkest fears. And, most importantly, by doing everything I possibly can to stay present in this moment- not lamenting the past or projecting the terrifying what-ifs of the future. Right here, right now, this breath in and out...all is well.
So, that's what I'm working on. Meditation helps. Reading Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie and Martha Beck and Joan Borysenko helps. Exercising helps. Gratitude helps. So, I'm taking this moment to breathe in and out and to say thank you to all of you for reading this blog. I wish you peace and calm and freedom from your fears. And now I'm putting on my gym clothes and heading out to do 30 minutes of cardio. I'm in no mood but I'm not going to listen to the thoughts that say, "You're too tired. What's the point? You can skip it today..." I believe that we are each responsible for the energy we radiate out into the world. I don't want to pollute your day or anyone else's with icky, negative, worrisome vibes, so I'm off to rev up some positive life force. Breathe in. Breathe out. Peace.

Do more than vote!

2008-10-29T20:58:00.004-04:00

This is far and away the most exciting election in decades. I'm hoping that a clear Obama victory will be announced Tuesday night and if so, I will be popping a bottle of champagne (seriously...it's cautiously chilling as I type this) and singing The Hallelujah Chorus. Please get out there and VOTE, if you haven't done so already, and then think about volunteering; make a few phone calls, drive people to the polls, knock on some doors. Let's get involved this time around. It's OUR future at stake. Let your voice be heard! And if you are awake Tuesday night and President Obama is announced, please join me in lifting your voice and raising a glass. "Hallelujah!" It's time for change.

And the winner is...

2008-10-16T12:40:00.002-04:00

So, I put all of your names in a hat this morning and had Ron pick one. The winner is none other than the fabulous, the wondrous, the beautimous MISS KATIE MOSER! YAY, Katie! And for those of you who did not win this contest, you MUST stay tuned because there will be other give-aways! I had so much fun reading your what-ifs. Thank you to all who shared a little piece of yourselves. Katie, please email me your address and I will send your copy of Time of My Life pronto. The book is getting great reviews and tons of press, by the way. It's even featured in People Magazine! Yay, Allison Winn Scotch! She is so supportive of other writers and I believe that kind of good will comes back at ya. Allison deserves oodles of success for her generosity to the writing community. So, I know that you all join me in saying "GO, GIRL!"

Speaking of girls, PLEASE tune in to the Oprah show TODAY- Thursday and give a holla to the women who paved the way for us. Can you say GLORIA STEINEM? If you miss the show, I'm sure some fabu feminist will put it on youtube.

Lastly, we are all registered to vote, right? I don't even need to go into it, right? Preaching to the choir here, right? 'Nuff said.

PEACE OUT,

Sandra

Our first give away!

2008-10-08T10:39:00.005-04:00

Okay, friends...I have a contest for you. I am borrowing this idea from author, Allison Winn Scotch. She had a contest on her blog and I was one of the winners of her new book, "Time of My Life". Since I had already purchased it, I now have two beautiful shiny new hard cover editions and I want to give my extra copy to one of you.

Don't we all wonder about the path not taken? No matter how happy we are with our lives, I think all of us spend a bit of mental time travelling down the road of what-if. The book, "Time of My Life" is about a woman who wakes up seven years in the past and gets to actually find out what that other road looks like for her.

So, here's the plan. Tell me your what-if and next week I will put your name in a hat and pick a winner. If you are the lucky guy/gal, just email me your address and I'll send you the book. Now, your what-if doesn't have to be a sad one. Here's one of mine: What if I had married the guy I was engaged to when I was 22? He didn't want any wife of his to be in the hedonistic world of theatre actors. Cancelling the wedding with the dress hanging in my closet and the hall, the caterer, and the flowers already paid for was the scariest thing I'd ever done. But if I had married him and stayed in the Midwest because it was what HE wanted, I would have ended up feeling trapped and unfulfilled. I wouldn't have had all of the incredible New York experiences I've had AND I never would have met and married my wondeful hubby- a man who lets me be ALL of me!

Okay, your turn. Tell me one of your what-if's. I'll pick a winner next week. Go!

What have you done today?

2008-10-02T14:14:00.004-04:00

I just finished reading a book called "Cancer is a Bitch" by Gail Konop-Baker and I'm in the process of reading another amazing one called "Time of My Life" by Allison Winn Scotch. The first is a memoir, the second, fiction. Go to amazon this minute and order them both. They will make you think about your life differently, and appreciate it more.
It seems that every book I pick up is doing that for me lately, making me value my life-every precious and mundane minute of it- more. I pray that someday my book will do that for someone else. That's why I'm heading out in the next couple of hours to a writer's retreat for the weekend. I am committed to finishing my memoir no matter how long it takes. I recently read a wonderful quote by one of my favorite authors, Sarah Ban Breathnach. She says, "It's not how fast you make your dream come true, but how steadily you pursue it." So, let's all be about the business of pursuing our dreams. Ever heard that song "What have you done today to make you feel proud"? I want to know what you are doing TODAY to inch you toward your dream. If nothing else, order a book that will inspire you or go to itunes and download that song! Have a wonderful, productive, blissful weekend, everyone.
Sandra
p.s. Thanks for all of the birthday messages. It was truly the best one ever!

Lordy Lordy...

2008-09-16T18:08:00.005-04:00

First let me say that I LOVED all of your six-word life stories! You are a creative and fascinating bunch. Thanks for sharing! Bravo!

So, I would like you all to know that I am in my 30's. That's right, I am STILL a 30-something young woman...until Saturday.
This is not a plea for happy birthday wishes or a cry for Botox gift certificates. It is just a blatant appeal for your attention as I wax poetic while standing on the precipice of a new decade.

As narcisstic as I am and as much as I would like to write sonnets about my new purple patent leather Michael Kors handbag, I want to reflect (this once) on something other than my reflection. As my 40th birthday looms, I can summarize my feelings in two words: aging rocks. I am not alone in this view. Studies have shown that while physical beauty may be the domain of the young and the crack-head thin, HAPPINESS is being hoarded by us older folk. The reason is not what you might think. The happiness of women (and men) "of a certain age" (I love that expression) has less to do with having achieved their goals and everything to do with having learned self-acceptance. I remember the drama and angst of my 20's. I was so anxious about relationships, money, career, everything. Would my dreams come true or would I fail?
What actually transpired was a little bit of both. Yes, I made it to Broadway, but what I found out once I was there was that it didn't solve all my problems. I was just as insecure on the inside as I'd always been. Even marrying the man of my dreams didn't fix the broken places in me. I'm still working on the critical voice in my head, learning how to tone her sassy-ass down, and taking each challenge as it comes. But the glory of being (almost!) forty is that I've learned that I can count on that slightly wrinkled girl in the mirror. In addition to the blessings in my life, there has been suffering, loss, illness, and heartache. And I've learned that no matter how hopeless things might seem, and how far into the darkness I wander, tomorrow will be a new day and I will eventually experience joy again.
On Saturday, when I am officially the big 4-0, I plan to celebrate in a pretty simple way. My dearest friends will be spending the weekend in my Jersey home. Lucky for me, they happen to be terrific cooks. We are going to stay in, drink some wine, and cook up an Italian feast. I will be wearing some fabulous fall fashion (which has yet to be determined) and doing my darnedest to make the outside me look like 40 is the new 20. But as for the inside, I say let 40 be the new 80. I want Maya Angelou wisdom and perspective NOW! Bring it on.

Wherever you are this weekend, I hope you will raise a glass with people you love and drink a toast to your own growth, the triumphs and tragedies you've experienced thus far. And know that whatever your age, whatever the external circumstances of your life, you have the power within you to see your reflection through mature eyes (even if you haven't the slightest trace of crow's feet yet).

YOUR life story!

2008-09-06T15:40:00.005-04:00

Welcome back, blog posse!
I guess it's time to admit that summer is behind us. How I wish I could report that my book proposal is finished. I've made great strides, I swear! I'm getting close now, but alas...I confess that I spent much of the summer having fun in the sun. After eleven years in Phantom where I was contractually bound to stay my natural shade of virginal pasty white, I finally allowed myself to step out from under umbrellas and hats and into the glorious sunshine. I still wear SPF 30 or above on most occasions, but oh my--how good the sun feels! I have fully soaked up the summer and loved every hot minute of it. But now that it's September, I'm officially putting myself back to work. The tour of High School Musical closed in August so Ron, the dogs, and I are happily back home. Ron leaves again on Monday, though. He's heading up to North Shore Music Theatre near Boston to play Ravenal in Show Boat. I am dreading the time apart but it will give me six weeks of privacy and quiet and if I can stay on task, I should get a good chunk of writing done. But then again, the new season of Oprah starts on Monday...and there's always Project Runway...not to mention endless political dramas unfolding! I shall do my best. I plan to blog at least once a week in addition to my regular writing. Baby steps, right? I hope you will swing by often and tell me what's new with you.
Now, here's a manageable task for all of us: write your life story in six words. I think there is a whole book full of these ultra-short autobiographies. I've read a few examples from the simple (He came. He saw. He died.)to the profound (Mother's love lost; life without meaning.) to the funny (Job's plan B. Lottery's plan A.) I could write a million of these but for now I'll go with: She learned to love life unmasked.
Now, I want to read yours! Don't think too much. Go!

Taking a break

2008-05-23T16:55:00.006-04:00

Hi, y'all! Thanks to those who have emailed wondering where on earth I've been. The truth is, I've been working my tail off on a book proposal. I'm taking a break from touring with Ron and the dogs and am on a bit of a writer's retreat at home in Jersey. I am so grateful to you for continuing to stop by, even though I am the world's most inconsistent blogger. I think I'm going to need to take an official break from blogging for the rest of the summer or until I have things well underway with my book. I have discovered that I suck at multi-tasking. If I don't give 100% to writing the book, it will never get done. So, it's proposal first, then book, then hopefully blogging much more regularly. I hope you will stop by occasionally and let me know how things are with you. I truly love hearing from you and I hope to meet you all in person someday. Okay, back to work!

Love and Happy Summer-

Sandra

Across the country

2008-04-16T01:59:00.004-04:00

It isn't as warm as you think it's going to be in San Francisco. The mind says, "I'm in California" but the body soon realizes it needs a jacket and scarf. Still, it's a pretty awesome city to visit. Ron, Griffin, Murphy and I enjoyed the drive across the country, particularly the final leg of it. Nothing against Nebraska, but there wasn't much to look at as we drove East to West all the way through the state. Once we hit Wyoming, where the deer and the antelope play, the view began to improve. Utah was breathtaking with its snow covered mountain ranges. The Nevada desert sand was white and barren for as far as the eye could see. But the best part was the very end of the trip, the final four hours of the thirty hour drive. If you ever get the chance to drive West from Reno to San Francsico, do it! Such majesty; those mountains covered with evergreens make my heart sing. We put on John Denver and let him do the real singing while we looked up and out and took it all in. That is church to me.
I like a pair of Jimmy Choos as much as the next gal, but I am a nature girl at heart. There is no greater high on earth than a Rocky Mountain High! Tell me...what "takes you to church", makes you feel one with everything?

Before and after

2008-04-05T13:35:00.005-04:00

Mom's home makevoer was a huge success. I have some talented friends who worked their hiney's off for one very long weekend. We still haven't recovered from the day-long sprint around Ikea. The blog would only allow me a few before and after pics, but hopefully you'll be able to tell what a difference we made! I didn't have space to post a before of mom's bedroom, but I think you'll dig the after. She is nuts about the zzzz's on the wall! Her house is now fresh and cheery with a touch of zen and a splash of humor. I wish I could take you on the grand tour. SPECIAL THANKS to Rex, Miles, and Scott for making all of this happen. Geri is lovin' her new digs..almost as much as she loves each one of you boys!

Ron and I have just finished the week in Minneapolis and tonight we begin the several day drive to San Francisco. I can't wait for the California sunshine!
Peace out,
Sandra

Extreme Makeover Mom Edition

2008-03-07T13:24:00.004-05:00

Next week, three of my best friends and I are meeting in Michigan and along with my sister and her family, we are giving my mom's house a major overhaul. I will post before and after pictures when the decorating is done. I am so excited about this project. My parents were married for 42 years and mom is, understandably, having a very difficult time moving on without dad around.
She's a tough lady, though. You would love her. Geri is a 66 year old rockin' redhead who loves rap. She can keep up with Nellie and Fifty Cent (she would correct my pronunciation-it's "Fitty") and never miss a beat on the dance floor. She certainly deserves to have a home that's as cool as she is.
If anyone is in the Detroit area and would care to don a construction helmut and let me yell "Let's Move it, People!" in your ear with a megaphone, come on over! We will gladly throw a paintbrush in your hand!
Contributing seems to be everywhere these days. Did you watch Oprah's new show The Big Give? You can catch it this Sunday night on ABC right after Extreme Makeover Home Edition. It sure makes you want to run right out and do something good for somebody. My giving inspiration is a woman named Callie. She lives to give; she's made a career out of it. Check out her website at www.BasicMissions.com. It is a global resource center that gives people the hook-up with anything and everything they need. I love Callie's motto: We are blessed so that we may bless others. Where in your life have you been blessed? What can you do to bless someone back? Why not start at home? Is there something you can you do to help out your family, friends, or community? If you can't think of anything, don't worry, just head over to my mother's house next weekend. We'll put you to work!

Taking stock

2008-02-23T11:52:00.004-05:00

"Taking stock of what I have and what I haven't,
What do I find?
A healthy balance on the credit side..." Annie Get Your Gun

Two weeks ago, I climbed to the back of the attic and carried out two large plastic bins, containing decades worth of my old journals. I dusted them off and have spent the better part of the last two weeks reading through them, a daunting and mighty humbling experience. Can you say boy crazy? I mean certifiably insane. "I'm certain he's the one. I've known him twevle days."
Reading my old ramblings is part of an archaeological dig I've embarked on as I try to unearth meaningful moments from my past for possible use in the memoir of my future. Amidst the whining and pining over the man of the moment, I have discovered a few buried treasures. There are recurring themes of gratitude for family, love of nature, and valued friendships. There are career pursuits and dreams fulfilled and a constant search for spiritual truth. Above all, what occurs to me after reading through years of my innermost thoughts is that the happiest moments were not about money, achievement, or fame, but about the experiences created with the people I love most. With my dad now gone from the physical plane, I am so grateful that I have so many treasured memories to look back upon. While he was here, I didn't take him for granted. I spent tons of quality time with the one man who was a constant in my life. I appreciated him then, and I appreciate him even more now.

What would you find if you went digging through your past? What are the themes of your life's narrative? Are you investing today's currency in moments that will matter when you look back on them tomorrow? Ten years from now?

Feelin' the love

2008-02-14T12:43:00.005-05:00

Hi, Friends.

I've been hiding out a bit, I admit it. I'm off the road for a heavenly little while and I'm enjoying a hermetic life in my home. Ron is back on tour with High School Musical, currently in Washington, D.C. It isn't too far, only about a four hour drive, so he comes home on his day off. What a treat to see the familiar trees outside my window, to walk the dogs through streets they know, to catch up with neighbors and Joe, our dog-loving postman.

The best part, though is that I've been able to rejoin my writer's group which meets every Thursday night. I've been making progress on the book and it feels wonderful. Maybe I will share an excerpt here sometime. If I'm blogging less frequently, it is because I'm spending my computer time typing away on the book. But, I love connecting with all of you, so please keep stopping by and leaving comments. It warms my heart to read them.

Tell me, are you feelin' the Love this Valentine's Day? The kind of capital L Love I'm talking about does not require a significant other. Are you able to look in the mirror and smile? Can you offer love to the eyes looking back at you? That's where I'd like us to focus our attention this year. I find it easier to feel good about that girl in the mirror when I'm being creative, and finding time for myself. What are your creative pursuits? What makes your heart sing? And what can you do today so that when you brush your teeth tonight, you can look at that gorgeous one in the mirror and fall madly in love? Give it some thought and let us know.

With LOVE from my heart to yours,

Sandi

Everything

2008-01-25T13:48:00.000-05:00

About six weeks ago, Ron and I pulled to the side of the highway in New Mexico so I could get this picture. I was going to email it to my dad. He would have loved it. But about five weeks ago, he died. I can honestly say that not showing him this picture is the only regret I carry about my father. The greatest comfort, the hugest healing is in the knowledge that nothing was left unspoken between us. He knew without a doubt how much I loved, appreciated, and valued him in my life. He not only spoke similar sentiments to me on a regular basis, he also left me with cards, letters, and emails full of the same. Ours was a bond unlike any other in my life. He was, as my friend Erin said of her mom, my person, the one who took all of my disparate parts and put them together in a way that made sense.
In the last five weeks I have learned what it is to hit rock bottom. I've leanrned, in fact, that there is a level even below that. It felt like being trapped in the very center of the earth, bathed in molten emotions and unable to see the light. The interesting thing was, though, in the center of that space, as despairing as it was, I felt a connection to everything unlike anything I'd ever experienced before. I felt such a connection with people, with every human who has ever suffered. I felt connected with trees, the earth, all of nature.
When it was time to leave my mom, sister, and my Michigan family, I headed back out to the High School Musical tour to meet up with Ron. Mercifully, the show was in Tucson, Arizona, one of the most stunning landscapes in the country. Walking the dogs through the desert grandeur, my soul drank in the beauty of nature. Though my heart was still aching, I could feel a powerful healing taking place.
If there is one thing I have learned in my many years of spiritual seeking it is this: the only way out is through. There is no value in our conventional ways of grieving, "just keep busy", "focus on the good times" "know that he's in a better place", etc. Distracting oneself from the reality of sad feelings is, in my opinion, a waste of time. I had the blessing of being able to grieve. For me, that meant feeling my feelings, allowing the depth of my sadness, crying on the bathroom floor in the middle of the night. When you touch the darkest place within you, new pathways for healing open up. And the compassion that is birthed becomes a part of your new identity.
I've always loved being identified in the context of my daddy. "Oh, you're Johnny's daughter." I am. And he will always be a part of me. His death affords me an opportunity to become even more of the woman he created me to be. A person with deeper roots, watered by tears, and blossoming into the full ripeness of my own humanity.
The morning after my dad's death, I awoke with a song in my head, one that I hadn't heard for many years. The lyrics repeated over and over in my half-waking mind: "You are everything, and everything is you.." When I look out at the sky of Joseph City, New Mexico, I feel the truth of those words. I feel you, my daddy. In everything.

My daddy

2007-12-17T03:58:00.001-05:00

Oh, my friends. I'm going to be away for a while. My beloved daddy passed very suddenly this morning of a heart attack. Ron and I are in Michigan now. Don't know when I'll be back. But I will be back and I will tell you all about the most amazing father a girl could ever hope for. What a privilege it was to be his daughter.

Love love love,

SJ

California Dreamin'

2007-12-16T01:18:00.001-05:00

Ahhh...California. We survived the drive across five states (including that ice storm in Oklahoma) and here we are in La-La Land. My soul sings in this stunning state. I feel cradled by the mountains, nurtured by the palm trees, fed by the sunshine. I won't go on about it too much more, for fear that those of you in sub-zero temps might send me hate mail. I know plenty of folks who love the winter. My brother in law is one of them. He even digs shoveling snow! Go figure. But I feel like my best self here in California. I have wanted to make this my home for about twenty years now, but life had other plans. While I am here I am pretending it's home. The dogs LOVE it. They get to hang out on the balcony and lounge around in shady spots. Ron is enjoying playing the Kodak Theatre, home of the Academy Awards. It's located within a gorgeous outdoor mall and that hubby of mine likes to shop!
I spent the day in Santa Monica. I am getting very into the raw foods thing so I was super excited to check out the very famous Juliano's Restaurant in SM. It is 100% raw and vegan. It was truly one of the best meals of my life. I had "fettuccine alfredo" without an ounce of guilt! The "noodles" were made of zuchinni, sliced uber thin like angel hair and the "alfredo sauce" was made of some kind of puree of macadamia nuts and I'm not sure what other deliciousness...but it was magical. Such a great day.
On a not so great note, please send loving thoughts to my best friend, Susan. She lost her grandma last night. They were very close. Susan is taking her typical sunny view of all things and focusing on the good, but she's also hurting and trying to process it all. I hope you'll send some love her way.
Peace and Sunshine,
Sandra

Lazy days

2007-12-07T21:23:00.000-05:00

Hello, friends- especially Jenny (Pontoon boat? Sorry I missed out!)

Thanks for your well wishes on our travels. We made it to Little Rock and have had an uneventful week for the most part. Ron and I visited the Clinton Library today. It was beautiful and inspiring. Other than that and a few trips to Wild Oats (soon to be Whole Foods; they bought all 100 stores!) and the gym, we've been having pretty lazy days here in Arkansas.

Sunday night after the curtain comes down on High School Musical, we will begin our trek to the West Coast. I cannot wait to get there! Warm weather and good friends await. But what a royal schlep it's gong to be, the longest one we've ever done. We'll go five hours Sunday night to Oklahoma City. Then, wake up and hit the highway again for about twelve hours, stopping probably somewhere in New Mexico or maybe Arizona. Tuesday morning, it's back in the car and off to La-La Land. We have XM Satellite Radio, (can you say Oprah and Friends?) two ipods full of tunes, and a couple of books on tape (well, on ipod). Hopefully, that will help us pass the time. Thanks to Sarah for the "I Spy" recommendation. Great tip. Wish us luck!

I confess that I had planned on using this blog as a sort of writing warm-up, something to get the fingers typing before I got down to work on my book. Instead, it's become the ONLY writing I seem to be getting done. I am so frighteningly good at procrastinating. I'm trying to stay motivated on the book, but life (and tv) keeps getting in the way. How do you motivate yourself when you feel like "why do today what I can put off 'til tomorrow?" Any suggestions?

Love and Action to you!

SJ

p.s. Yes, that was my sis and me in the picture on the last post. And the two lazy golden retrievers on this one are her babies, big boy Buster and baby Leo.

Spread a little kindness

2007-12-03T00:56:00.000-05:00

Think of me fondly today and tomorrow. Ron and I will be driving from Wisconsin down to Arkansas, almost a fourteen hour trip. He wanted to do the whole thing in a day but I convinced him to stop for an overnight in St. Louis. So, it's about 8 hours on the 3rd and 6 hours on the 4th. But that isn't the BIG road trip. The biggie comes next week when we schlep it from Little Rock to Los Angeles! That is a whopping 24 hour drive. Oy. I'll have to do lots of yoga stretches during our pit stops. The body gets so creaky and sore on the long drives!

I want to thank those of you who post on this humble little blog. I so enjoy reading your inspiring thoughts, musings, and gratitudes. Thanks for sharing with the class. Keep 'em comin'.

There are so many subjects I want to discuss but the major one on my mind right now is kindness. My sister actually brought it to my attention. Do any of you have a sibling you're particularly close to? My sis, Monica, two years my senior, is as close to me as my own heart. It was just the two of us growing up in Detroit with mom, dad, and cockapoo, Jingles. No one knows you like the peer who grew up by your side. I know every shade in her big brown eyes and can feel every emotion that passes through them as if it were my own. We are cut from the same cloth and yet in many ways are polar opposites. Mo's mojo is toughness. It doesn't look like it from that gorgeous smile in the pic above, does it? But, she'll be the first to admit she protects her soft places with anger and sometimes snaps at the people she most cherishes. Then she beats herself up for days on end. I protect myself in turtley ways. My life slows to a crawl and I hide under the shell of my covers, wishing the universe would stop wasting precious oxygen on me. What I do is no less hurtful to those I care about. When I fall off the planet, the people I love pay a price.

What is your default setting? Do you cushion your falls with anger or sadness? So many of us seem to be pre-wired to go directly to one or the other. It's almost as if we're born to it, like being Catholic or Jewish. When the Dalai Lama was asked about his religion, he said, "My religion is simple. My religion is kindness." When Monica's rage starts rising, she is learning to tune into kindness. When I start to sink into darkness, my life raft is kindness. My sister is frequently the one throwing it. Oprah wrote in the November issue of O mag, "Every time we're hurt or feel like we can't go on, it's someone reaching out and connecting that makes the difference." We can't solve the big problems today- global warming, Darfur, the endless Iraq mess. But we can each do our part to create peace on "planet me". Each time we choose kindness, there is a ripple effect. Little currents from your heart get sent out to "planet other" and what you send out comes back at ya. So, what do you say we all groove on some kindness this week, to ourselves and to each other. Call your sister. Tell her you love her. If you're reading this Mona, I love you more than my green juice in the mornin'! Peace, love, and kindness, my friends!

Gratitude

2007-11-29T21:46:00.000-05:00

So, how was your Thanksgiving? What were you feelin' thankful for? I am happy to report that my dinner was not disastrous. I did run into some unexpected family turbulence, but hey, that's what holidays are for, right? All in all, it was a wonderful week in Michigan with the fam.

Ron, Griffin, Murphy, and I are now freezing our tails off in Appleton, Wisconsin. I fell off the health kick wagon BIG TIME over the holiday weekend and am only now starting to find my way back. I went without the green juice for several days (for those of you who are new to this blog, I'm traveling with a juicer and making kale and cucumber cocktails every morning) and I missed it terribly! I felt a cold coming on today so I high-tailed it to the produce department. Once I downed a big ol' glass o' green, I felt like a wilted plant coming back to life. Y'all gotta try the juicing thing, really. It's pretty amazing.

Getting back to Thanksgiving, I really would love for you to share what you're thankful for. There's power in writing and sharing what is positive in your life. So, let me state a few of my top gratitudes for the record:

I'm grateful that Ron walked the dogs this morning (it was 17 degrees )while I stayed under the covers.

I'm grateful that after an embarrassing ten minutes in the grocery store checkout line, we figured out the problem with my debit card and I was able to pay for my veggies.

I'm grateful that I get to connect with caring souls through this blog and other online mediums.

I'm grateful that Oprah is going to be talking to Sarah Ban Breathnach (author of one of my all time favoirte books "Simple Abundance" on XM Satellite Radio in a few minutes.

I'd better go tune in! They are talking about gratitude! Now, quick- tell me what you're grateful for.

Love and Thanks-

Sandra

Giving Thanks

2007-11-22T01:32:00.000-05:00

A brief holiday greeting before I hit the sack. I'm in my sister's house, in the guest room that has become "Auntie's room." The turkeys (yep, I'm making two- one in the oven, one on the grill) are chillin' in their respective brines. The cranberry fruit conserve is in the fridge next to the creamed spinach gratin and the pumpkin banana mousse tart. The potatoes are peeled (thanks to nephew Michael) and sitting in a pot of cold water, ready for mashing tomorrow. It is now time for chefalotta to sleep. I've been preaching since day one on this blog about taking care of yourself. It sure is difficult when life gets busy. I did have my green juice this morning, but I had pizza tonight. God only knows what dietary sins will be committed tomorrow. We have to cut ourselves some slack once in a while.
I am so full of gratitude this Thanksgiving. It's such a gift to be "home" in Michigan with my family, to be here as a grown woman, able to give back a tiny bit to the relatives who have given so much to me over the years. I'm making it my goal tomorrow to be present to all twelve of my them, to really see who they are on the inside, despite what issues they may have on the surface.
I hope that your day is filled with an abundance of gratitude. Take some time to reflect on all of the gifts in your life. I am thankful for your friendship and I wish you all the happiest of turkey days.

Much Love,

Sandra

Stop time

2007-11-17T18:37:00.001-05:00

As I walked my dogs through the freezing rain of Cleveland this morning, I had one of those stop-time moments. I was bundled head to toe so that all that was exposed to the elements was a slit for my eyeballs. I watched Griffin and Murphy happily bounding along, stopping to sniff random spots along the pavement. I marvel at their olfactory magic. Did you know that a dog's sense of smell is forty times better than a human's? I always wonder what exactly they are sniffing when they follow an invisible trail. I ask them, aloud, "What was there? A dog? A squirrel? A homeless person's bed?" They never answer. It was sprinkling a cold rain today (does the sun ever shine in Cleveland? It has been gray every single day we've been here) and the dogs' coats were glistening. There isn't much grass in theatre square where we are staying, but we came upon a tiny patch with a single tall tree reaching out of it. The tree is what made time stand still for me. I looked up and let the rain tickle my cheeks. The tree was still oddly full of leaves in that glorious pinky-red color, like the color of perfectly ripe Fuji apples. The dogs relaxed as we stood there and so did all sense of time. I watched as individual leaves fell. It was sad to watch their lives coming to an end but it was right, too. The Christmas decorations around the square seemed a bit early with the leafy tree still sharing the spotlight. But, the holiday decor isn't early. Summer stretched out like a lazy cat this year and autumn had to wait. But now it's time for each of those leaves to fall. It was mesmerizing watching them cascade one by one to the ground. I hope when it's my time, I will fall with as much grace and beauty.
I think it's important to note that this is the time of year when I am usually most depressed and more often than not, physically ill. So, what's different this year? You won't believe it, it's so unique, I'm sure it will be revelatory for everyone reading this. The big secret I've discovered to physical and mental well-being starts with... get ready....it's a real shocker: Eating right and exercising! There are other factors that come into play, too, like not having to sing "Think of Me" in a tight corset every night. But mainly, it's the green juice, the working out, and the meditation that's lifting my spirits. I can't recommend these strongly enough. Do you remember Cheryl Richardson who used to be on Oprah all the time? She's a life coach who wrote a book called Life Makeovers. She preaches "Extreme Self-Care." I think those three words hold the key to living your best life. Think about what that would mean for you. What would have to change for your life to be stamped with those three words? No one can do it for you. May I suggest that you take an action step and do something today that is solely for your own self-care. If it helps, you can think of it as community service. I promise you (and you already know this) when you feel good, you will have more to give to those you love.

I hope you have a moment today where time stands still. Be aware if it happens. It's a holy moment. (Hint: you don't have to wait for one to come to you; you can create one right now...just stop what you're doing and find something beautiful. Now, stop thinking and really see it. Take a few deep breaths and let beauty seep into every part of you.) Now write and tell me about it.

Peace and pretty leaves-

Sandra

Guilty Pleasures

2007-11-15T14:44:00.000-05:00

Did any of you watch "The Next Iron Chef" on Food Network? If you did, then you know how incredibly cool I am to be sitting next to this man. It's Chef Michael Symon, the winner of the competition and one of the most fabulous chefs in the country. He is such a rock star to me! I felt so lucky to be in Cleveland this week. Chef Symon has two restaurants here, Lola and Lolita; check 'em out if you're ever over this way- YUM! Ron and I hung out at Lolita and watched the finale of the show along with a packed house of Michael Symon fans. The place erupted when he was announced the winner. It's a good thing I don't have to sing Christine these days because I screamed until my throat was raw. I was, I AM so happy for him. I'd been rooting for him since day one. How excited was I to get to meet him and find that he was just as sweet and humble as he seemed on the show?!

So, last night began the new season of Project Runway. Did you see it? YAY, reality tv! I'm working out almost every day, I've cut out almost all sugar, Starbucks, and processed foods. I need some sort of guilty pleasure! A girl needs a break from trying to live righteously all the friggin' time. Give me a healthy competition for The Next Iron Chef or America's Next Top Anything. In reality, I have a diet pretty low in reality tv. When they get to trashin' each other, it kinda makes me cringe. As a general rule, I steer clear of the genre just like I do violent tv and movies. I have enough nightmares without inputting all that rot into my subconscious mind. But the Food Network? That's educational programming! I will have you know, I am in charge of the Thanksgiving feast for my big ol' Michigan clan this year! It'll take place in my sister's home, but I am the designated Chefalotta. I need all the pointers Alton Browne can feed me through the boob tube! So, if I take a break from writing my book and watch several hours of cooking shows successively instead, aren't I really just serving the greater good?

What are your guilty pleasures? C'mon, don't be shy. Share with the class!

p.s. Aren't you impressed that I figured out how to post a picture? Scroll down to see the Batman/Batgirl photo I promised!