Along the Road

My mom said to tell you.....

2009-12-04T23:14:00.003-06:00

She remembers in the last post that she wrote "Be Back Soon!" and she hasn't been back soon.

She's tired. She has been to Disney and North Carolina (I bet you think she took me to Disney because of how I'm dressed, but she didn't) This was my Halloween outfit. My Mom left me with my Maw and Paw who I love WAY more than Disney!

And tonight she has a house full of little boys spending the night because today is my brother's birthday.

I keep my mom on her toes and contribute to her being tired. But she wouldn't trade me for anything.

My mom has a lot more she wants to share...(maybe) soon

A Country Girl Can Survive

2009-10-23T14:24:00.009-05:00

Here is where our story of life in the country(KIND OF) begins........ make sure you pause the blog music and then CLICK BELOW.

YouTube - part 2 epic Painfully Honest and Epic Mobile Home Commercial www.freeusadrugplan.com/u489

Part 1: Our family was destined for the country. Billy grew up as a surfer kid in Florida but you would never know it by looking at him. If you're at all observant you will notice in most of our children's birthday pictures he is not wearing a shirt as he's carrying the birthday cake OR he's wearing overalls. And afterall, it was him that "talked me into" doing a redneck Christmas card in 2007. He even made us re-do the picture because he said I shouldn't be smiling, it wasn't the right "look."

Picture #1

#2- the winner

After we moved Billy said to me "THIS is where I was meant to be. I was meant for the country. Do you think I can glorify God by being on a tractor and bushhogging?" I hope so because here she is....Sometimes he even parks her in our front yard. Good times.

We have come a long way....especialy with our yard

This is what it looked like right after they moved the trailer...

Now we have lots of grass....

The country is very kid friendly....

If you come visit us, we can show you these....

Our friends really like it here too...

Be back soon!

It was Happy

2009-08-31T13:43:00.003-05:00

It was a lot of work for just two hours but worth the effort! This was our first big "friend" party for Elley since we've always just done family stuff. She had a great time with her friends and it was fun to take it all in and watch their faces...when I wasn't being the party manager. Billy was the entertainer in the water for ALL the kids :)

We had pizza and cake, icecream and presents, and then I thought "It's time to go already?!" But, my philosophy has always been that it's better to end while everyone is still having a good time and before the kids start "melting down."

ok, next post WILL BE all about our life in the country. Stay tuned.

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2009-08-14T20:22:00.008-05:00

Hello out there. We made it through the first week of school and managed to get everybody where they needed to be so now I can give you a little update.

We had a great end to our summer with a visit from cousins. I had fun loving on the girls while Karen and Jeff (sister-in-law, brother-in-law) took Holden home with them.. As with most situations there is some sadness that goes with it. You know what I'm going to say...see Lew in the picture below....I miss her even more when we're with people she loved so much. My flesh screams that she should be here enjoying her cousins with the rest of us. It is a continuous struggle. By the way, my pastor's wife, Karen, from Chicago sent me an incredible CD called "Disappointment, Now what?" Paul Tripp is the speaker and Karen was right when she said it was the best she ever heard on the topic of disappointment and suffering. I can't even begin to do it justice to tell you what all he said, but as I listened I was incredibly challenged, encouraged, and once again given hope. I'll try to download it on here if you'd like to listen. Correction, I'll get Billy to download it...I would have no clue how to do it. I'll get back you on that.

Anyway, one of the biggest things the teaching from this CD made me realize is that my suffering is a CALLING. It's not an exciting or easy calling but is still part of the story God has written for me. I long to walk worthy of this calling and continue to accept it even though I would have never chosen it for my life. Another thing Paul Tripp addressed was that we're in a battle everyday. With our sufferings and disappointments we battle bitterness vs. acceptance....and our sufferings reveal the idols of our hearts. God alone should hold our hearts, not the things of this world. God has used the truths on this CD to continue to change my heart and the way I think about my walk with Him.

All in all we really had a good summer. Moving and unpacking took several weeks but we were still able to enjoy the pool and friends and grandparents and the beach. July 2 was hard. I felt very heavy all day as I replayed the day a year ago in my head. I remembered how horribly low I felt that afternoon in 2008. I struggled with fear this summer. Fear that something might happen to my other children when they were away from me and unbelief that God would be big enough if that happened. That could potentially be a life long struggle/battle.

So often I get so focused on my own grief that I forget my children struggle too, and they handle it so differently. When I drove to Indiana to get Holden and take the twins home, he had a hard time going to bed the first night. I layed down with him and he started crying, saying he missed Alaina. I said, "What made you think of her?" He shared a sweet memory and then said "I guess just being away from ya'll and when you come to get me you could get in a crash and die." Then he asked me on the way home if Billy was still alive. I hate that a seven year old boy has to deal with these issues. But it's a great opportunity to remind him of how much we both need Jesus. And I am able to share with him how I struggle with the exact same things. Pray for his heart if you think about it. (and Elley's)

Alaina with Caroline and Rachel in 2006......

August 2009....

They loved the Aquatic Center

Billy took lots of little ladies out on the town for a date....

We spent one day at Smith Lake

ok, next post maybe I can show you some pictures of our fine lookin doublewide...on the inside and not in two pieces. And, I'll try to download the Paul Tripp CD for those who are interested. Better yet, if it's too complicated (time consuming) to download, I would love to mail you a copy of the CD. If you're interested you can email me or leave a comment. Trust me, it's a CD to listen to over and over...it is THAT good!

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Reasons I haven't been blogging

2009-07-28T22:28:00.003-05:00

The moving process...

Camping in Indiana with Chicago friends...

A visit from these ladies :)

The Beach (again!)

And a "trade off" with these sweeties. (Holden went to Indiana with Bethany and these girls are staying with me)

ok, I never have the energy to write anything after posting all these pictures, so I'll be back soon with a wordy update.

See you soon.....

Remembering with some favorites

2009-06-30T23:24:00.008-05:00

I wish all I could remember was the joy of her life. But the painful reality is that I remember almost every single detail of that awful. horrible, heartbreaking, confusing day of July 2 . So yes, the next few days will be hard, but we'll put one foot in front of the other and ask the Lord for continued GRACE and STRENGTH to get through it even when we don't "feel" like it. I'm just ready for the day to pass. I'm remembering my theme verse today....Could you remember it with me and claim it today and the days to come for our family....

Lamentations 3:21-25 Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness...The Lord is my portion, therefore I will wait for Him.

HE ALONE IS OUR HOPE!

I'm so grateful that you've chosen to "walk" this road with me....even you stalkers out there :)

This will probably be my last post for the next few weeks. We're painting, cleaning, moving -so there's just too much going on to blog, but I'll be back.

2009-06-17T08:46:00.003-05:00

Beach Pictures followed by an Update.....

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2009-06-17T08:44:00.000-05:00

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2009-06-17T08:40:00.000-05:00

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2009-06-17T08:38:00.001-05:00

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2009-06-17T08:35:00.001-05:00

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2009-06-17T07:54:00.008-05:00

June 2008

Hey friends....

It's good to be prayed for. Thank you for your very kind comments. I'm doing "better" than I was a week ago. Somehow?? God has given me a little more room on my stress meter to handle this move. He gives grace for the moment and at this moment, right now, I think I'll get through another move. Not sure if I'll feel the same way tonight, but for now, I'm ok :) And as I think of July 2 approaching, I do realize that it's not the actual day that's anymore heartbreaking than any other...it's the hot weather, the swimming, the beach, the flipflops, the pink goggles...all reminders of the days leading up to July 2. It's the time of year. It's remembering. Yesterday as I was cleaning out my desk area I started reading cards that were sent the weeks after Alaina died and was so encouraged by SO many who were/are holding us up. And I thought "I know how I should spend July 2." It's not a day to celebrate..it could be a day to be very very depressed, but I want to spend it remembering her life...remembering God's faithfulness during this hardest year of my life, reflecting on all God has done this year and the ways He has used the body of believers to encourage us... and looking ahead to all God can do.

We had a really really, really good time at the beach...nobody wanted to leave :) We also visited an alligator farm while we were in St. Augustine...very interesting and kinda creepy but they loved it. Just knowing that those things will eat you if you fall in is disturbing.

And the moment you've all been waiting for....surely the next post will have pictures of our doublewide on our land, in its place, ready to move in. No rain, no rain, please no more rain so the thing can get moved out there and you can see it in all its glory. Please come visit us, we love company and there's room for you, the thing is like 2500 sq. ft. No kidding.

Gotta go...I'm officially packing today.

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2009-06-07T22:21:00.003-05:00

Ok people, I have lots of pictures to share and can't figure out how to get them all on one post without it taking FOREVER so they'll be divided up for your viewing pleasure. I'm so behind so I just tried to give you a quick "explanation" of each picture...kind of a man's version if you know what I mean.

We just got back from the beach but those pics will be for another post. I'm not sure where to begin with all I want/need to share...Do you have a few hours? I've had some hard days. I've had a HARD year. I'm tired. Tired of grieving. Tired of crying. Tired of fighting through the visions of July 2, 2008 over and over again. Tired of emotions and feelings catching me off guard, for example Elley's end of the year school program. As we were driving to the church I thought for the thousandth time that I wished we were going to watch two little girls instead of one. And I have to surrender for the bazillionth time. Before Elley's class the four year olds performed. I cried sitting there as they sang "She'll be coming around the mountain," one of Laina's favorites, and then listened as the teacher said "If you're the parent of a 4 year old, stand up, and they will find you." Then I watch as they all run to their parents, smiling and excited. And in that moment, my heart is breaking(again) and I want to scream....this is just too hard, why Lord? Why should any parent have to endure this? How can it be anything in that moment but heart....breaking? I'm tired of the heartbreak. I'm not giving up, just tired.

Yesterday was one of those days when I came to the end of myself and as I prayed all I could say was "Jesus, I need you." This morning as I thought and prayed some more I realized something about my stress. Grieving is so absolutely draining....physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally. It has taken every bit of energy I have for almost a year now. We have purposely tried to avoid things that would create stress, like committing to things, people, etc. Well, this move that is approaching has created a new area of stress for me. I don't have any "room" on my "stress meter" for anything else and part of it gets down to one of my idles of wanting things to be easy. Moving is not easy. Getting land ready and putting in a road and all the time it will require of Billy is not easy. But we're right in the middle of it all and there's no turning back now. I am excited about being out there but it's the process that's exhausting...ESPECIALLY when you're still grieving, when your approaching the one year mark and everything is all too familiar and when you still listen to your kids say they wish their sister could come back. Otherwise it would just be a move, not really a big deal. But it's a big deal to me right now. That's where I am. I turned on the tv last night and it was on one of the church channels and a verse in Hebrews was on the screen....HE is the same yesterday, today and forever. He was God before we lost Laina. He is the same today with what I'm facing. He will be the same God tomorrow when I get up, and when we move, and when July 2 gets here and when I meet him in heaven. He does not change through all my shifting emotions, my highs and lows, which means his faithfulness, grace, mercy, character cannot change either. I cling to this HOPE. I cling to this God who does not change, who does not grow tired or weary.

Bye for now...be back soon with beach pics.

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2009-06-07T22:13:00.004-05:00

Good memories on this porch

Elley's program at school

2009-06-07T21:46:00.007-05:00

leaving this

2009-06-07T21:46:00.006-05:00

enjoying the new aquatic center

2009-06-07T21:35:00.006-05:00

Got rid of these

Finishd baseball

Owners of a doublewide

A Peek Into Heaven

2009-05-08T14:25:00.005-05:00

What I'm about to say is just an idea...I'm not saying this is fact because who really knows, but if heaven is truly how the bible describes then it helps me to live as a pilgrim in this world and let go of little things that really, in the scheme of eternity are not important (like painting my trailer before we move in). A dear woman in our church named Gloria Edwards went to heaven this past Saturday. This is the fact part. She was battling cancer and knew in the past month that her fight would soon be ending. Billy visited with her a few weeks ago. It seems the visit was encouraging for both of them. I just couldn't go. I kind of reasoned in my head that Billy was going for both of us. I wanted to say goodbye but just didn't want anything to do with death. Kind of ironic isn't it, because I wish deperately I could've said goodbye to Alaina. Anyway, Billy asked her questions like "Do you have any regrets looking back on your life? Are you scared?" etc. Then he asked her to do something....

"Could you find Alaina, this is what she looks like :) and hug her for me?" Gloria's response: "Nothing would thrill me more! He told Gloria about things that were special "Daddy things."

Gloria- "I'm going to find that little girl and we are going to have tea parties together!" She never met Alaina this side of heaven.

Again, I don't know if this is what it's like and it may sound corny to you, but I can dream, right? This is just not really something most people sit around and think about...unless you're longing for the place more everyday. I know it's wonderful.... and Billy and I said we wish we could "peek in" to see what she's doing....to see the brokeness of this fallen world made perfect and "right" again. Can she really be dancing with the King?

It's a beautiful thought isn't it...and to think it's even better than I imagine, now THAT gives me hope.

I had decided to go to Gloria's funeral but changed my mind at the last minute. I was in a "funk" that day...went to the strawberry patch with Elley and didn't want to make small talk with any of the other moms...didn't really want to talk to or even smile at anyone and I didn't care if I just stood there by myself. On the way home, I knew, I'm NOT going to a funeral today. Not today. I just can't. It's too familiar. It's OK not to go. Billy did go and he cried the whole time. It was REALLY hard. I don't have to tell you all the reasons why. You can imagine.

We've had some really great conversations about the purpose of life. It's a constant struggle thinking "Our life is just not going to be as good now that Alaina is gone." I mean, our life can still be good but not AS good. But I think this is a worldly way of thinking. If the purpose of life is to glorify God by knowing him and enjoying him forever, then he is fulfilling his GOOD purpose and plan for our lives. I can truly believe the verse that says "ALL things work togehter for the good of those who love him." I don't have to believe that all things are good, but he works it out FOR our good. There's a difference. Make sense? If life is about becoming like him, then He's using this in our life in a way we never imagined. Now yes, he could use anything to make us like Jesus, but it seems that he often uses the really painful, the heartbreaking, to accomplish his plan. It's a mystery that I don't understand and don't like but one that I will accept. I know I've said that before but it's something I preach to myself. And that's nothing of me, it's all a work of his grace. If it were up to me I think I would dwell in a state of hopelessness a lot of the time.

But I hope in his word- John 17:3 "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."

1 Thessalonians4:13-18

"Brothers, we do not want to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words."

One of my favorite worship songs, we sang it at Alaina's funeral. "There is a day, that all creations waiting for, a day of freedom and liberation from the earth. And on that day He will come to meet his bride, for we will see him and in an instant we'll be changed....We will meet him in the air, and we will be like him for we will see him as he is, oh yeah...then all hurt and pain will cease and we'll be with him forever and in his presence we will live, oh yeah, oh yeah!"

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2009-04-23T21:01:00.002-05:00

Hey friends....

Company, Easter and Spring Break are to blame for the lack of posts. Well, and doublewide shopping. I know all about doublewides now. You have your three, four or five, yes five bedrooms....most complete with the garden tub and, of course, carpet in the bathrooms. I've sort of been on a roller coaster today. Billy takes me to one he found and it needs a LOT of work. Smells like smoke, needs new paint, awful carpet, and the whole time I'm saying "in my head"...just look past it, look past it, think about what it COULD look like." Then I start thinking about the time it will take to re-do this thing and it can become overwhelming. OK, so I'm thinking I can do it....after all, before and afters are really fun (when it's someone else's :) Then, Billy calls and says he has found another one that's already had most of the work done on the inside and is in much better shape. So we load up Holden and Mary Helen (Elley is at my parents) and ride the little golf cart around the "mobile home place" and he shows us the one he NOW has in mind. It was by far my favorite of the ones we've seen. So now I'm having a hard time going back to the really dumpy one :) This is a great lesson for me about wants and needs. I know we've joked a lot about living in a trailer but when I think about what millions of people "live" in I should be thankful we have shelter. Seriously, I have nothing to complain about and it's a good reminder to give thanks and be content. I'm trying to take one day at a time but there's so much going on. We're closing on the land tomorrow, moving soon, just put the house we're renting on the market, thinking about Holden going to public school next year...there's a lot swirling in my brain... and all this while still grieving the loss of a little girl.

At the same time though, I feel like we're coming through the fog a little bit. ( a friend described it that way and I thought it was a great word picture) I'm NOT going to feel guilty about what I've done or left undone the past year. We've just been fighting to survive... but I do feel like God is calling me to something deeper, especially with my children. I say all this not in a "I've failed to do this or that" kind of way but in a way that I feel challenged and excited to move forward. More than anything I want my children to love the Lord, to serve and put others before themselves, to NOT have an "I deserve" mentality. I realize that I need to live out the theme of my blog...the gospel is for "along the road", life on life, talking about eternal things when we're driving to school or going to a baseball game. I don't wanna wait until it's bedtime and then we have our "devotion." It's impacting a watching world but not in a "I'm in my little christian bubble" kind of way. After Easter I kept thinking about the time I spent shopping for little things to go in their Easter baskets and all the time it took me to stuff Easter eggs for all their egg hunts and how little time I spent talking with them about Jesus dying for them. They need to hear again and again, and SO DO I that "Holden, that's why he had to die, so you could be forgiven of all the times you're selfish and unkind to your sisters or disrespectful to your mom." I feel challenged to be more deliberate and not just let the day pass me by because I'm so busy with OTHER things and unconcerned with their hearts and my own. I say all this with freedom, knowing that it is God's job to change their hearts, but I know He has given me a part in it too. I want to do my part!

I'll keep you posted on our doublewide purchase....

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Here's what we've been up to...words to follow soon :)

2009-04-22T23:17:00.021-05:00

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Helping me Fight

2009-03-26T18:42:00.008-05:00

***You'll understand the pictures when you finish reading........

This is just another glimpse into why I need you to help me "stand on the Word."

March 26, 2009
Today I see a van that looks like our old one...the one we had in Chicago. I never told you about us selling that van a few months after we moved to Cullman. When I saw the guy that bought it driving away I cried. It's like a piece of us was driving away...another piece that reminded me of Alaina...looking back at her falling asleep on the way home from Children's Day Out or listening to her laugh with Holden when they heard the mice chattering on the Cinderella song. The van symbolized those things. For a moment today when I saw the van, I hated our Suburban. I just wanted that old green van back. I know it's not about the van, it's about the little girl that rode everywhere with us. As I got into the Suburban I thought again how hard it is to surrender. There is absolutely nothing I can do to get her back here. I know the right answer so please don't tell me that I wouldn't want her to come back if I could see how perfect she is. Just claim the Word for me. Pray that I will continue to stand on His promises.

Also today: Mary Helen is sick...fever is up to 103.7 (again) . I have the thought over and over again that she could die today. What am I going to see when I look in her crib? Fear creeps in, no it doesn't creep, it just knocks me down. I can't do this again, Lord.

Yesterday, out of the blue, Holden says "Mama when you found Alaina dead, was she on the floor?" It's hard to go on with a normal conversation after a question like that. It's very sad to me and not fair that a seven year old little boy has to ask that....and it lets me know he is thinking about it so much more than he verbalizes. I'm not telling you these things for you to feel sorry for me. I'm telling you because I need you to continue to fight with me, just as hard as you did on July 2. I'm telling you so that you will know how to pray specifically. "The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy, but I have come that you may have life." John 10:10

I also don't want to make you think that I'm walking around depressed all day. I/We have lots of great moments, lots of laughter.....but some other moments are really a struggle...like the examples above. I'm just trying to "let you in."

***********Ok switch gears with me to some news that doesn't involve tears....

We're moving to the country. This is exciting news for the Atchisons, especially Billy Atchison since this has been a life long dream of his. Don't you see all the pictures of him in overalls on this blog? We're hoping to live in a "mobile home" aka "double wide" until we can build a house. I know you Chicago friends are chuckling inside! Hopefully we can move this summer. We would love to build our "forever" house here. I think it's about 38 acres complete with a barn, cows and a few ponds.

Lamentations 3:21-23!!!

Claim His promises for me

2009-03-16T17:02:00.006-05:00

Psalm 94:17-19 Unless the Lord had given me help, I would soon have dwelt in the silence of death. When I said, "My foot is slipping, your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.

Today friends, today I need you to claim some promises for me... for the gripping moments when I am not able. This picture you see is one that's on my bed side table and I see it every night before I go to bed. Sometimes it's so painful to look at her pictures and other times it makes me smile. Last night was rough and parts of today as I saw her pictures....last night I cried a long time before I finally fell asleep....cried so long my pillow was wet. I layed there wrestling with my thoughts and asking God again why he chose us for this path. I wanted to fall asleep and forget about it for a little while, but I couldn't so I just "let it all out." I can't really describe what "it" is. Maybe it's a combination of tears that I don't want my children to see on a daily basis...the frustration and grief of missing her so terribly...the pain I feel way down deep, that maybe I only get to the core of every now and then, and last night was one to those times. Sometimes the pain feels the same way it did eight months ago and that's discouraging. So, for all of you who have asked what you can pray for me, today, here it is....

My theme verse of hope: "Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love, we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are NEW EVERY MORNING; great is your faithfulness...The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for him." Lamentations 3:21-25

Hebrews 12:2-3 "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. CONSIDER HIM who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

2009-03-13T16:25:00.000-05:00

March 8, 2009

2009-03-13T15:42:00.004-05:00

I realized on Sunday, Alaina's birthday, that the anticipation of the day was much harder than the actual day. It's like when you're going to talk in front of a group of people and you feel nervous just before you're about to stand up...but when you actually start talking, the nervous feeling goes away and there's a calm. Sunday morning I kind of felt numb, like I couldn't be joyful or sad, I felt like I couldn't cry even it I wanted to. As the day went on, I kept thinking "I can tell many are praying for us today." There really was a sense of peace throughout our day. If I believe what the bible says about heaven, then there's no way any birthday party on this earth can compare. The problem is that I wanted to celebrate with her for many more years and then God could take me home first. But that's not how he chose our story to go and as hard as it is to accept, I can trust that He is God and I am not.

We went to church Sunday morning and I really didn't want to go because other than our close friends nobody knew it was her birthday. I've realized how much it means to me for others to remember her. After worship, all our close friends literally surrounded us and said they were praying and they loved us ....and at that moment we really "felt" loved. One friend said "I looked at your blog last night and I wish I could have known her. She seemed like so much fun!" Billy says he thinks this is one of the best things someone could say and I agree! I knew someone said something encouraging because I looked over at him (in another conversation) and he was sobbing. An "extra layer "of our grief that we have to work through is that no one here knew her. They don't "see" our loss as much as the families we've lived with the past three years....and now we don't live with those families anymore. Every time we're together with our friends here my natural tendency is to picture Alaina among them. I know they wanted to know her and I wish they had. She would LOVE our friends and their children.

Hurricane Creek Park was great....beautiful weather, beautiful scenery, and the kids loved it. I'm very glad we went.

Thank you so much to all of you who sent cards, emails, etc. as an extra reminder that you were praying for us on the days surrounding her birthday. Many of you have said to me that you wish you could take, or carry some of our pain. When you remember Alaina, when you send me an email or card or call me, or whatever you do to reach out to us, you ARE carrying some of our pain. You are helping to shoulder this burden. I know you don't feel like you are but I wouldn't say it if it weren't true. I'm beyond blessed and thankful that you have chosen to walk this road with us.

love,
Hope

Her birthday

2009-03-06T21:53:00.011-06:00

I really didn't want to do this post. The minute I started I could feel that tightness in my throat and heaviness in my chest. Obviously, I would give anything to be planning her a fun and girly five year old birthday party but instead I'm trying to figure out how to spend it without her. Honestly, this is harder than Christmas or Thanksgiving. Your birthday is all about celebrating YOU. This was her day and instead of celebrating, we're sad and lonely. I know I will see her again but that day just seems so so so far away and it's hard not to think about it from an earthly perspective. It has been a tough week for Billy...he has cried many times and he asks me "why do you think I'm like this, I can just think about her for one second and if I keep thinking about it, I cry." This is just how grief is. You're "ok" for a while and then it hits you again harder than the time before. Grief is complicated that way.

Please just say an "extra" prayer for us the next few days. We've decided to just keep it simple on Sunday. We're staying in town and going to Hurricane Creek Park for a picnic and hike. It's a beautiful place with waterfalls, caves, streams, etc. The kids love going there and I know Alaina would've loved it too. I believe fully that Jesus will meet us where we are in our hurt as he has always done. I will continue to trust but I need his extra grace to do it.

The pictures above are from her 3 and 4 year birthday........

I hope you can hear this song from my playlist, it has been one of my favorites along this road.