The Film Fiend

TRAILER: Harry Brown

2009-11-30T20:02:00.003-05:00

Harry Brown (2009)
Director: Daniel Barber
Writer: Gary Young
Cast: Michael Caine, Emily Mortimer, David Bradley
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: A former marine, mourning the loss of his beloved wife, takes the law into his own hands after his best friend is murdered.

Why I'm Excited: Michael Caine Is The Man + Dark Revenge Story + Watching Old Guys Beat Up Young Dudes Amuses Me

REVIEW: The Keeper

2009-11-30T13:19:00.007-05:00

The Keeper (2009)
Director: Keoni Waxman
Writer: Paul A. Birkett
Cast: Steven Seagal, Liezl Carstens, Arron Shiver
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: A retired police officer is hired to protect his old friend's sexy daughter from a group of opportunistic kidnappers.

Thoughts: Steven Seagal continues to impress with the direct-to-video thriller The Keeper, a film that shares multiple similarities with Tony Scott's violent 2004 outing Man on Fire. Action sequences are solid, the acting is as wooden as your grandmother's teeth, and Seagal shamelessly flirts with a woman that could easily pass for his daughter. Creepy, but the aikido madness keeps your gag reflex in check. Mostly.

Recipe For Success: Seagal Slapping Countless Bad Guys + Creepy Rich Texans + Several Squishy Shoot-Outs

IMAGE: Happy Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T01:50:00.003-05:00

"The unthankful heart discovers no mercies."

REVIEW: Triangle

2009-11-25T10:58:00.006-05:00

Triangle (2009)
Director: Christopher Smith
Writer: Christopher Smith
Cast: Melissa George, Liam Hemsworth, Michael Dorman
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: After their sailboat capsizes, a group of friends board a bizarre cruise ship with its own unique set of problems.

Thoughts: Puzzling and occasionally frustrating, Christopher Smith's 2009 thriller Triangle will no doubt alienate those looking for straightforward entertainment. Numerous plot holes abound, making for a somewhat muddled narrative that requires a complete and total suspension of disbelief. Thoroughly enjoyable, though too confusing for its own good. Be sure to brush up on your Greek mythology before viewing.

Recipe For Success: One Original Concept + Melissa George + Several Potently Shocking Action Sequences

TRAILER: Kick-Ass

2009-11-24T23:52:00.006-05:00

Kick-Ass (2010)
Director: Matthew Vaughn
Writers: Mark Millar, Jane Goodman, Matthew Vaughn
Cast: Aaron Johnson, Nicolas Cage, Xander Berkeley
MPAA Rating: Not Yet Rated

Synopsis: A geeky, comic book-obsessed high school student becomes a superhero despite his overall lack of skills and special powers.

Why I'm Excited: Matthew Vaughn's Direction + Superhero Tomfoolery + The Trailer Looks Pretty Freakin' Swell

REVIEW: A Song Of Good

2009-11-23T23:55:00.007-05:00

A Song of Good (2008)
Director: Gregory King
Writer: Gregory King
Cast: Gareth Reeves, Danielle Cormack, Matthew Sunderland
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Synopsis: Overcome with guilt and remorse, a recovering drug addict seeks redemption for his past indiscretions.

Thoughts: Crackling with subtle intensity, writer/director Gregory King's 2008 character piece A Song of Good is, simply put, the Forrest Gump of drug addiction cinema. And while King's script is both witty and whip-smart, it's Gareth Reeves unrelenting turn as hapless loser Gary Cradle that steals the show. Devastating, haunting, and undeniably powerful. I'd watch it again in a heartbeat.

Recipe For Success: Gregory King's Script + Gareth Reeves' Performance + The Last Scene Will Haunt You For Weeks

REVIEW: Wrong Turn At Tahoe

2009-11-16T10:27:00.006-05:00

Wrong Turn at Tahoe (2009)
Director: Franck Khalfoun
Writer: Franck Khalfoun
Cast: Cuba Gooding Jr., Harvey Keitel, Miguel Ferrer
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: After bumping off a rival drug dealer, a tough-as-nails collector finds himself in the middle of a gang war.

Thoughts: Despite a number of moderately enjoyable action sequences, Franck Khalfoun's "Wrong Turn at Tahoe" is, unfortunately, a cinematic dud. The blame should fall directly upon Cuba Gooding Jr.'s shoulders; not once did I buy his tough guy shtick, though his attempts do provide plenty of unintentional entertainment. Keitel and Ferrer, meanwhile, seem rather bored and unimpressed with the whole affair.

Recipe For Disaster: Cuba Gooding Jr. + Tired, Predictable Plot + Ferrer And Keitel Could Do This Stuff in Their Sleep

TRAILER: Ninja Assassin

2009-11-10T11:47:00.005-05:00

Ninja Assassin (2009)
Director: James McTeigue
Writers: Matthew Sand & J. Michael Straczynski
Cast: Rain, Naomie Harris, Sho Kosugi
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: A young ninja turns his back on orphanage that raised him, leading to a confrontation with a fellow ninja from the clan.

Why I'm Excited: Sho Kosugi + Tons Of Insane Martial Arts Mayhem + It's Called Ninja Assassin, Pal. Nuff Said.

REVIEW: The Tournament

2009-11-09T22:28:00.001-05:00

The Tournament (2009)
Director: Scott Mann
Writers: Gary Young, Jonathan Frank, & Nick Rowntree
Cast: Robert Carlyle, Kelly Hu, Ving Rhames
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: A wayward priest unexpectedly finds himself in the middle of a bloody, free-for-all tournament featuring the world's deadliest mercenaries.

Thoughts: Scott Mann's feature-length debut The Tournament is easily this year's guiltiest pleasure. The film is equal parts Battle Royale, Mean Guns, and The Running Man, packed to the proverbial rafters with inspired set pieces, gore-encrused gunplay, and several over-the-top performances. Carlyle clearly steals the show, though Kelly Hu clocks in at a close second. Morally bankrupt but oh-so much fun.

Recipe For Success: Tons of Incredible Action + Robert Carlyle + More Exploding Humans Than You Could Ever Need

REVIEW: Moon

2009-11-08T03:07:00.006-05:00

Moon (2009)
Director: Duncan Jones
Writers: Duncan Jones & Nathan Parker
Cast: Sam Rockwell, Kevin Spacey, Dominique McElligott
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: Towards the end of his solitary three-year stint on the moon, Astronaut Sam Bell suddenly discovers that he is not alone.

Thoughts: Talented writer/director Duncan Jones' Moon is fueled by one of most intriguing, thought-provoking sci-fi concepts I've seen in a while. Unfortunately, neither he nor co-writer Nathan Parker really know what to do with it, resulting in an extremely disappointing finale that lacks the power and promise of its premise. Sam Rockwell, on the other hand, is extraordinary. His performance alone is worth a look.

Recipe For Success: Sam Rockwell + Kevin Spacey's Version of HAL + Did I mention Sam Rockwell? Oh, and Sam Rockwell

REVIEW: Jennifer's Body

2009-11-07T13:09:00.005-05:00

Jennifer's Body (2009)
Director: Karyn Kusama
Writer: Diablo Cody
Cast: Megan Fox, Amanda Seyfried, Johnny Simmons
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: After attending a concert by a shady local band, Needy begins to suspect there's something wrong with her best friend Jennifer.

Thoughts: Surprisingly, Aeon Flux director Karyn Kusama's witty horror/comedy Jennifer's Body is one of the stronger theatrical horror titles released this year. The dialogue is whip-smart -- thanks to Juno mastermind Diablo Cody -- and the chills are plentiful. What's even more impressive is that I didn't want to violently throttle Megan Fox by the end of the picture. The genre's answer to Mean Girls.

Recipe For Success: Amanda Seyfried + Diablo Cody's Humorous Script + Even Megan Fox Is Halfway Decent

REVIEW: Command Performance

2009-11-07T00:50:00.006-05:00

Command Performance (2009)
Director: Dolph Lundgren
Writers: Steve Latshaw & Dolph Lundgren
Cast: Dolph Lundgren, Melissa Ann Smith, Hristo Shopov
MPAA Rating: R

Synopsis: A tough-as-nails drummer must save the Russian Premier and a cutesy pop star from a band of vicious terrorists.

Thoughts: While his contemporaries continue to languish in the direct-to-video mire, Dolph Lundgren just keeps getting better and better. Command Performance is easily his strongest picture as both a writer, director, and star, far surpassing his 2005 effort The Mechanik. The plot essentially boils down to "Die Hard at a rock concert," but the film's rapid pace and Dolph's solid direction help mask the borrowed ideas.

Recipe For Success: Dolph Lundgren + Tons of Blood-Soaked Gunplay + Who Knew Smoking Pot Could Save Your Life?

REVIEW: Ink

2009-11-07T00:16:00.007-05:00

Ink (2009)
Director: Jamin Winans
Writer: Jamin Winans
Cast: Chris Kelly, Jessica Duffy, Quinn Hunchar
MPAA Rating: Not Rated

Synopsis: When a little girl is kidnapped by a mysterious character known only as Ink, a band of otherworldly heroes must fight to save her life.

Thoughts: Writer/director Jamin Winans Ink is structured very much like a fairytale, one that dabbles heavily in foul language, stylized martial arts, and unnerving character design. It reminded me of Alex Proya's Dark City, a film I hold in very high regard. And while some of the performers do stumble from time to time, the overall experience is beyond rewarding. Highly recommended.

Recipe For Success: Impressive Visuals + A Heartfelt Script + Guys Who Smile Constantly Are Insanely Creepy

REVIEW: Pop Skull

2009-10-06T10:35:00.003-04:00

Sudafed junkies are the worst.

According to a few intriguing articles I've read online, Adam Wingard's 2007 psychedelic horror head game Pop Skull has been scientifically designed to scare the unholy bejesus out you. The technique is not unlike those sneaky "jump scare" videos found on YouTube, the ones that abruptly end with a loud noise and a moderately scary image. It's an interesting gimmick, to be sure, and it often works to great effect. Unfortunately, the rest of this plodding little film isn't nearly as engaging or amusing. The story focuses on a sad, pathetic, pill-popping loser as he attempts to put his life back together after a particularly painful break-up with his girlfriend, an event which is chronicled via the main character's painfully wimpy narration. It's emo horror for the emotionally deranged, filtered through the cluttered mindscape of someone who's spent a lot of time watching Aphex Twin videos and studying the work of Harmony Korine. Visually speaking, the film is well-executed, though anyone prone to epileptic seizures should probably avoid this one altogether. Flashing lights, quick cuts, weird distortions, and rapid color alterations abound, inducing a particularly dull headache right behind my left eye. If physical discomfort and endless whining sounds like fun, Pop Skull was crafted with you in mind. Just don't complain to me if you swallow your tongue.

Recipe For Mediocrity: A Few Decent Scares + Too Much Pining And Whining + Is This Really A Horror Movie?

Important Suburban Rules: Whatever you do, don't keep your spare house keys hidden in your yard.

Unless, of course, you happen to enjoy rape.

WATCH THIS: Star Wars Uncut

2009-10-02T17:24:00.001-04:00

REVIEW: Offspring

2009-10-02T12:48:00.012-04:00

Don't mess with Lucas.

Before we begin, a brief warning: Watching producer/director Andrew van den Houten's insanely gruesome 2009 Ghost House Underground entry Offspring while mindlessly scarfing a pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket will not make said foodstuff behave itself once it reaches the pit of your stomach. In fact, were I to take a trip to the Hot Pocket manufacturing center in Mt. Sterling, Kentucky, I wouldn't be surprised to find a large, unruly group of primitive cannibals stuffing dismembered body parts into the product's tender flaky crust. The film -- based on a novel by Jack Ketchum, who also wrote the script -- is a nasty little yarn involving a dingy clan of degenerate, flesh-eating feral freaks and their brutal assault on a small coastal town in New England. Van den Houten seems to thoroughly understand what makes Ketchum's literary work so unsettling, and does an admirable job of translating this dark and dreary tale into an effective, gut-wrenching thriller. It's certainly not for the weak of heart, especially if you have issues watching violence perpetrated by or directed towards children. Gorehounds, on the other hand, will certainly have a field day with this one, as the level of blood-drenched insanity sprinkled throughout the picture threatens to blow the roof off and rape the debris. In other words, Offspring is superb, and ranks with The Children as one of the best this set has to offer. Ketchum should be proud.

Recipe For Success: Loads Of Uncomfortable Violence + Amy Hargreaves + No Mercy For The Children

What Is Your Problem: If you've got a loaded gun in your hands, please do not hesitate to shoot your enemy directly in the face.

God will forgive you.

REVIEW: Pig Hunt

2009-09-22T11:16:00.003-04:00

Nothing burps better than bacon.

James Isaac's surprisingly entertaining 2008 killer swine/redneck rampage/homicidal pot-growing hippie horror outing Pig Hunt is a refreshing change of pace from the glut of uninspired, low-budget B-movies I've been forced to wade through as of late. Don't let the title or its simplistic premise fool you -- this isn't another boring, lackluster creature feature powered by a cast of former prostitutes and fledgling gay porn candidates. Isaac's gore-encrusted tale of a group of city slickers and their pig-related adventures deep within the mountainous region of Northern California is packed with so much insanity, so much over-the-top violence that I suspect it will become a cult classic within a few short years. If all of the strange twists and turns, insanely bizarre characters, and the thumping score by none other than former Primus frontman Les Claypool doesn't get your cinematic mojo primed and ready for business, perhaps the copious amounts crude humor and the enjoyable performances sprinkled generously throughout the flick will do the trick. When you stop to briefly consider my past success with films centered around murderous pork, you can understand why Pig Hunt left me impressed and more than little giddy. I seriously doubt you'll find a better "animals running amok" picture this year. Unless, of course, you've already purchased advance tickets for the remake of Fame. More fun than a bearded redneck priest armed with a shotgun.

Recipe For Success: A Brisk, Breezy Story + Les Claypool + More Fun Than It Has Any Right To Be

California Hillbillies And You: Contrary to popular belief, West Coast rednecks don't enjoy having their family members murdered.

They do, however, like naked chicks and marijuana.

REVIEW: The Children

2009-09-17T11:46:00.007-04:00

Today's youth.

Movies that revolve around violent, blood-thirsty children are always a scream, mostly because it's insanely enjoyable to watch normal, everyday parents and/or adults fend off scores of savage, pint-sized terrors. Tom Shankland's brutal 2008 parental nightmare The Children takes the unbalanced offspring premise and effectively turns it on its head, resulting in an immensely enjoyable, thoroughly creepy cinematic experience that sets a new standard for this sort of picture. The film focuses on an uppity intellectual family's get-together around Christmastime, one that turns violent when the youngest of the children begins to suffer from an upset stomach. His cranky, unruly behavior soon darkens, and the other sickly moppets quickly follow suit. Instead of opening presents and giggling with mirth, the kids begin to open skulls, stomachs, and whatever else they can split and flay with common household items. Shankland, who also directed The Killing Gene, is a master of his craft; his ability to generate suspense is quite incredible, matched only by his uncanny knack for subtle intensity and truly unsettling content. When the violence finally sets in, it's quick, sudden, and sharp. There isn't a single explanation for the film's mysterious illness, a fact which helps The Children achieve goals most horror filmmakers can only dream of. The flick is spectacular in every sense of the word, and rightfully deserves the acclaim it's getting. Seek it out immediately.

Recipe For Success: A Gaggle Of Creepy Kids + A Taut, Clever Script + Absolutely No Cheesy Explanations

A Quick Survival Guide: If a small child is attempting to kill you, don't start crying and allow this wretched event to unfold.

Kick that little bastard down the stairs.

WATCH THIS: Triangle

2009-09-05T11:25:00.001-04:00

REVIEW: Deadbox

2009-09-04T18:03:00.008-04:00

Can you guess where my secret transmitter is hidden?

Even if you completely overlook the fact that the movie is built upon a single gimmick, Adrenaline director Robert Lynn's fantastic 2009 horror/thriller Deadbox (aka Havoc) is an impressive little film, one that rightfully deserves widespread acclaim. The aforementioned gimmick, of course, is that the entire feature is executed using the longest take in film history, with a few time lapse edits thrown in to trim down the original 105-minute running time to a breezy, more digestible hour-and-a-half. What's even more extraordinary is that you quickly forget about the film's single take presentation once the story gets underway, a testament to both Lynn's abilities as a director and the inherent talent of his nimble cast. The setup is nothing too creative or mind-blowingly original -- a group of paintball players find themselves battling a mentally defunct veteran within the crumbling confines of an abandoned prison -- though the tale's simplicity actually works in its favor. The washed-out colors, the shaky camerawork, and the realistic performances generate a fair amount of suspense, even when Lynn feels the inexplicable need to linger a bit too long on unimportant scenes. With its effective setting and a standout performance from David Alford, Deadbox skillfully manages to set itself apart from the stagnant pile of lackluster slashers released every year. That alone is a truly remarkable feat.

Recipe For Success: Lynn's Top Notch Direction + Intense Performances + Abandoned Buildings Are Extremely Creepy

Paintball For Dummies: If the girl you're interested in claims she shot you in the arm, don't be a sore loser and deny it.

It definitely won't help you get in her sports bra.

REVIEW: Detroit Metal City

2009-09-01T11:37:00.008-04:00

It will split your butt into eight parts.

To be perfectly honest, I had extremely low expectations going into Toshio Lee's infectious 2008 rock & roll epic Detroit Metal City (aka Detoroito Metaru Shiti) despite strong critical praise from various sites not unlike this. Based on the manga by Kiminori Wakasugi, this light-hearted comedy chronicles the misadventures of whiny pop music aficionado Soichi Negishi (Ken'ichi Matsuyama) as he boldly attempts to make a name for himself on the savage streets of Tokyo. After graduating from college, Negishi reluctantly becomes the front man for an underground death metal band called Detroit Metal City (DMC), a job which constantly gets in the way of his budding relationship with a fashionably hip girl he befriended at the university. As our hero's attempts to woe his conservative love interest spiral out of control, Negishi must contend with the increasing popularity of his alter ego, a self-proclaimed "demon" who sports Kiss-style makeup while declaring his love for rape, murder, and general anarchy. Lee has a genuine knack for madcap comedy, as does lead Matsuyama, who bounces wildly from violently maniacal frontman to girlishly effeminate bumpkin with surprising ease. The film is funnier than it has any right to be, due in part to Mika Omori's impossibly sweet script and several memorable musical numbers. Detroit Metal City and its goofy pop-infused madness certainly isn't for everyone, but fans of kinetic Japanese comedies will have plenty to sing about. As always, cheese tarts are optional, though highly recommended.

Recipe For Success: Ken'ichi Matsuyama + A Stable Of Humorous Pop Songs + Japanese Metal Fans Are A Little Frightening

That Guy With The Tongue: Fans of the band Kiss will be thrilled to know that Gene Simmons makes a cameo as America's reigning God of metal.

I thought it was pretty funny, too.

REVIEW: Antichrist

2009-08-31T14:29:00.008-04:00

My penis still hurts.

Artsy-farty director Lars von Trier, the self-proclaimed greatest director in the world, certainly delivers unique chills with his surreal 2009 horror flick Antichrist, although I'm not entirely sure how I feel about the experience as a whole. The film chronicles the mental collapse of a highly sexual couple after the accidental death of their only child, an event which sends the mother (Charlotte Gainsbourg) into a deep, dark depression. In order to bring his wife from the pit of despair, the husband (Willem Dafoe) escorts his guilt-ridden partner to the secluded cabin where she spent a summer with her son. As the therapy intensifies, so does the mother's violent need for hardcore sex and redemption. Clocking in at nearly two hours, Antichrist often feels like a perversion form of cinematic punishment, and it will most likely alienate mainstream audiences. From the first scene to the very last, the film is stuffed to overflowing with explicit sex, strange and unusual footage involving woodland creature, genital mutilation, torture, and an abundance of full frontal nudity. Dafoe and Gainsbourg do a fine job with the material, delivering performances that are raw and unflinching without going completely over-the-top in the process. Still, you can't help but feel that Antichrist is a little too pretentious for its own good, fathered by an iconic filmmaker who has been completely engulfed by his own ego. Enthralling to some, schlock to others. Either way, it's worth a look.

Recipe For Success: Stunning Cinematography + Disturbing Imagery + Surprising Level Of Emotional Involvement

Be Nice To Your Genitals: Otherwise, you might cover someone's smiling face with a load of sticky blood.

And they won't be happy about it, either.

WATCH THIS: Steven Seagal - Lawman

2009-08-26T15:51:00.002-04:00

REVIEW: Boot Camp

2009-08-24T14:37:00.005-04:00

Mila Kunis takes a shower.

Although Christian Duguay's 2007 troubled teen thriller Boot Camp is supposedly based on true events, I'm sure the specifics surrounding the film's titular juvenile reprogramming center are nothing more than pure fabrication on the part of the movie's screenwriters. Mila Kunis and Everwood's Gregory Smith star as a pair of lovelorn teenagers who, through a decidedly different set of circumstances, find themselves locked away within a "boot camp" specifically designed to straighten out children who are a burden upon their parents and society. Under the thumb of the program's shady mastermind (Peter Stormare), the pair quickly discover that escape is next to impossible, forcing them to find other, more inventive means of liberation. On the whole, the picture is fairly well-directed by veteran television wizard Duguay, the man responsible for the snazzy Peter Weller sci-fi epic Screamers. And while both Kunis and Smith are well into their twenties, they do an admirable job of making us think they're rebellious teenagers without resorting to tired gimmicks and blatant overacting. The rest of the cast, sadly, doesn't fare as well, encrusting the experience with wooden portrayals of paper-thin characters. By the end of the film, the filmmakers' message is crystal clear: Those who operate and support these facilities are inherent evil rapists who hate children. Boot Camp isn't a bad film, per say, but it's not going to alter your perception of cinema. A valiant effort nonetheless.

Recipe For Mediocrity: Dozens Of Plot Holes + One Slumming Peter Stormare + Mila Kunis Doesn't Look Like A Teenager Anymore

A Note To Boys In Love: If your girlfriend suddenly finds herself in a juvenile reprogramming center, do not attempt to rescue her.

Unless it's Mila Kunis, of course.

NEWS: The Tarantino Hand Job

2009-08-21T11:33:00.005-04:00

Are you kidding me?

Contrary to popular opinion, I am well-versed in the ways of the Hollywood propaganda machine. When a movie is released, you have to expect a certain level of promotion, be it television, radio, or print. That said, there is a point when the media blitz becomes a cinematic glory hole: The director and/or cast insert their collective penis, and the entertainment outlets line up to get a little drip from the proverbial tip. Entertainment Weekly pop culture scribe Chris Nashawaty has been waxing intellectual about Quentin Taraninto all week in preparation for the director's upcoming World War II epic Inglourious Basterds. You may have heard of it. And while I certainly cannot claim that the Pulp Fiction director hasn't left a huge impression on the film industry as a whole, this professional hack's literary hand job is almost too much to digest. I'm not sure how much the magazine was compensated for this prime example of calculated fanboy worship, but the kickbacks must have been extremely impressive. It's been a long time since I've read something as pretentious and conceited as Nashawaty's article, which purports that independent cinema would be a dead, buried, and all but forgotten had Tarantino not come traipsing down the reservoir. Newsflash: If it wasn't Quentin, it would have been someone else. Guaranteed. Yes, Tarantino is a very talented individual, but stopping short of labeling him a celluloid messiah is downright ridiculous. Good job plugging the movie EW; I'm sure Nashawaty has his next promotional fluff piece already lined up. I await his next endeavor with baited breath. Hooray for Hollywood...?

Check out the article in question right here.