Paintermeister's painting blog

Ta darrrrr

2009-04-15T12:20:00.000-07:00

Yes I am back. Easter was spent at the coast with the family & outlaws. Very enjoyable but now lots to do. Plus the grass is a foot tall as there was no snow at Easter this year. Regular viewers will I am sure remember last year's fun at this time.

Now a funny via H.

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.' With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it' s not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. S

tacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it..

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.

Love,
Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That's in my centre desk drawer. I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

If Angelina Jolie was a wargames unit....

2009-04-07T10:21:00.000-07:00

She'd look summat like dis.....

More goodness from the brush of Young Imrie. Stirs the loin area dunnit?

Pips

Dave

Corrr

2009-04-04T00:06:00.001-07:00

www.cvi-insignia.com/don.htm

Nice stuff eh?

Been catching up on t'web this very morrow whilst making tea to builders strength. Footbo later then a late night of pigmenting metal & plaggy.

Found these chaps on my travels - Corking aren't they? Pigment nicely applied by Mr Dave Imrie. he's been busy whilst I have not been looking. Blurb here - http://www.leagueofaugsburg.com/gallery.php?req=view&id=1489

Inspirational eye candy for those of us with a similar army in it's shiney form. Once Easter is out of the way & the bulk of my building costs spent I may have to spend a bit of time on mine. If only for motivation to get out of bed & do something other than make brekkie. Yes people I have been slacking. Some days I have not been getting up before 6am. Time, with summer approaching, to be up wid de larks innit?

I like the idea of the vignette bases. Of course you can still use WAB but I know where Mr I is coming from. Apart from Scotland. Got the Crusader rools. They are based on ...er bases..... of multiple figs...& Mr Steve Jones saying they "look ok" was enough to convince me they are worth a go. So I might follow Mr Imrie's lead here & go multiple based. Making use of all those cracking vignettes the Soapster did for the Beast.

Also need to get me sen some of that grass - "Silfor" innit or summat?

Geeetar Andy has been busy, emersing him sen in all things Arfur -http://www.guitarheroandy.blogspot.com/ It's gone all poetic though as Andy get's his Eurovision entry ready. This bit looked a bit dodgy "Their standard is taken and their booty is ours". Not sure if that refers to plunder or owning someone's ass. Might be both.

Hmm 800pt games.....be an idea to get stuff going quick & sur le table....likes it...

Oh & belated congrats to Giles. The boy done good. Married a very pretty lady then went off on the razz by the look of it. Well done sir. Oh & back in time for Salute too. Nice.

Pips
Dave

Ps Pictures stolen from the LoA site & Steve Dean forum with absolutely no thought of asking for permission or owt. I am such a dangerous rebel living on the edge.

Back from the Abyss

2009-04-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

Well no not really.

Sit rep at EVM Towers is as follows. Mucho building work this week. Dust creation a plenty.

Master bedroom window in, check & that. Plastered (the room, not me) er check. Colours & wallpaper feature wall to be decided still.

Grand hall

Plastered & that. New improved lighting purchased. Awaiting paint on t'ceiling afore fitting. New loft hatch was fitted too. Old one was on the small side & leaked muck. Understairs has been ripped out & replastered too. New door has been fitted to the understairs. All awaiting paint once the plaster is dry in about two weeks. End of the Easter Hols I'll be switching to a bigger brush for a bit. The understairs will require new shelving but it's all looking quite swish. The grand staircase is having new spindles & handrails n stuff. To be stained to match existing woodwork. Paint work to be in a cream & the walls in a Dulux shade called Calico. Nice. My better half has spoken on the matter. Let it be so.

Had a fair bit of family support to get this far & a very good week on e-bay. Ta to anyone that placed a bid. Bit of an overspend on the building works so new carpets, curtains & that will have to wait for the foreseeable. Still progress is being made on the old place.

Been busy,busy,busy. I hope everyone saw the Perry Mins 42nd chaps in kilts wot I did. No?

Oh ok....http://www.sdean-forum.co.uk/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=17221&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0 Sweet minis & a cracking paint job. Big me sen up ay?

Got t'finish off some new Perry British plaggys that should have been at Salute. Will debut now at Partizan in May. The 73rd if you want to take a look. Love 'em.

Got a couple of newly done Artizan Pulp bits to go on E-bay this weekend. Trying to get that more of a regular thing as I need the income. Seem better able to get single figs done at like 8/9pm at night if I know there's a return off E-bay at the end of it. That said I did some new Artizan Minis, US Airborne in fact, for North Star. Nick being a kind man & having nay use for them himself has allowed me to to add them to my collection. Bonus! Other than that....not managed owt for me in a looooonggg time. Oh well, minis gathering dust for me earneth not a penny to the cause.

Done some of them nice Successor minis by Steve Saleh for da Beastes. That chap knows how to make a pleasing mini. They deserve to sell very well. GB kindly sent me a few pics. I'll try & up load them when I am on the main PC.
OOOO there they are.

Had a first run through of 40k with the boys 2 weeks back. Just a couple of squads a side but it went ok. Must try & do more games soon. Or even paint them a few minis.

New radiators to go on once painting is done & funds allow. Jaysus I am cold tonight....,,,lol

This weekend will be mostly spent cleaning up after the builder types. With a bit of footy chucked in. Then not sure if the kids are back a couple of nights before heading off to the outlaws for a couple. They will then head off with them to the coast for Easter on Thurs. Surely it won't snow again?

Pips
Dave

Well

2009-03-05T13:17:00.000-08:00

Had better days. Been an odd one, some days I cope better than others. Don't know what it is really.

Tried the old distraction technique.....i.e. lets muse how far could a U boat have travelled along the Trent from Hull. All I am looking for is justification for getting the Artizan U boat crewmen from the Pulp range. I figure, what the heck they could take over & use a boat anyway. Dug out the 8 Foundry Rezistaunce (helps if you imagine Vicky Michelle when saying that)..........

Ok back with me?

Yes dug them out. Had all sorts of ideas for using them along with some of the new Marquis Artizan minis in some Disposable Heroes (or DH7 on da street) games. Paint them as generic militia & they will do as 1938 VBCW/ECWIII types too...just don't look too close... Pierre & Jacques one day..... Peter & Jack another.

"Daddy is that a Luger?"

" Yes son, captured off a Facist supplied by Germany clearly"

" Daddy isn't that a French helmet on that one"

"Er yes he's a migrant French communist veg picker, or he got that fighting in Spain.....or summat"

"Isn't that stock on the sten only available from 1942 onwards?"

Look kids it's all pretend, will you just roll the chuffin dice....

Oh & I have no idea on the sten either, just used it to illustrate that reality can sometimes get in the way of things if you let it. This isn't historical so I won't get too hung up on the details. Already read one post where a "Facist" uniform on a mini is declared "wrong".

Anywho. They will pass for now, probably as the aforentioned miners & wives too. Need bulking out with the Crusader SCW International Brigade chaps. Of course I'd wager the Players cigarette & Raleigh bike workers would flock to the red banner.

Yer actual Gedling pit.

The slags of Gedling pictured above.

Of a mind to get a nice wealthy industrialist type figure, one Bradley Hardacre perhaps. He'd be able to arm & equip his own men to protect his interests, 'appen. He'd be keen to get his mine back & protect his munitions factory too. Selling to all the factions no doubt. Don't know what I am talking about? Oh dear where were you back in the day? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brass_(TV_series) Worth buying the box set & one day I may just do that. Classic. Trust me I am a doctor.

Then there are the Territorials to field & maybe even a few regulars. All good stuff.

Oddly EVM Towers was built in 1938 or 35 or summat so I clearly need to make a replica. Or not.

Pips
Dave

I blame the Welsh see

2009-03-04T15:13:00.000-08:00

Not for everything of course.

Ok what now I hear you ask? Well some one at the back muttered something. Yes ok, The Very British Civil War thing of like 1938 that never was. I heard the rumblings, being naturally here at the very epicentre of wargaming. With a finger placed firmly on the throbbing er.. pulse of the hobby. So yeah, I knew there was a froth on t'interweb & in the gaming halls of Albion & maybe even beyond to the Colonies.

Not really anything that interested me until this

http://www.mikehobbs.co.uk/?paged=2

Mike's VBCW or ECWIII ( ya pays ya monies, ya take ya choice) set up in the Welsh Wales valleys atop the green green grass of home

Nice, liked the ideas they came up with..hmmm... a few figures...it's all in the scenarios really....

Ok so far still not lured in.

Then there was this:

......http://paintingshed.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2009-01-27T11%3A48%3A00-08%3A00&max-results=7 Now knowing Mr Jones (Welsh see) I know he'll paint a rather spiffing set of minis within a few months AND source buildings AND write some decent rools AND probably write & sing the theme tune.

Ok so now I'll admit it's beginning to get a little interesting.

Then I watch a programme on t'miners strike from back in the day. Hmmm so what if..... back in 1938....Communist miners seized control of the pits....Hmmm. Be a three way fight over Gedling, a former pit village a mere stones throw away ( using a trebuchet admittedly.....The beast do a nice model of one, I may have mentioned it before)...where were we, ah yes, the threesome: Communist workers , the Royalists & indeed the Facists types supported no doubt by Nazi jack boot wearing paratroopers dressed as nuns...well I like Fallschirmjager...and have some painted & a nun.....also got Home Guard that could be pressed into service too.

All this without even seeing the 1938 source book they are raving about. Oh well.

So you google and http://www.edinburghwargames.com/Journal%2030.htm

Vehicles are readily available from Sloppy Jalopy or any early WW2 range. Figures are out there too & mucho fun can be had putting together a small characterful force for each faction. Buildings should be out there too.

Why not just continue with my WW2 stuff? Tis much the same....

Finally the fates conspired totally against me & BilliamT called asking me to paint some of his new fine VBCW/ECWIII chit for the show stand. I've built up a credit for painting over at Moosekateer Minatures & guess what he'll be sending me shortly from....Welsh Wales. Of course when I will paint them lordy alone knows.

In the meantime, who makes a suitable 1930s pit head in 28mm?

No one?

Phew! Thank f for that.

Also seen some suitable minis in the Pulp range from Artizan...hmmmm

Madness I know, but takes ones mind orf day to day innit. Like I said, blame the Welsh, it's mostly them causing the trouble.

Pips
Dave

yep

2009-02-27T11:40:00.000-08:00

Still here. Trying to keep busy but it's not easy when the kids aren't here. Trying to remain positive. The wrecking bit of the renovation is done. Time to start putting it back together.

Pips
Dave

Down on the farm

2009-02-16T14:45:00.000-08:00

Right one for the Colonials here. As a half term treat we took the kids to see " Bolt" the latest Disney, pick an animal, make 'em laugh, make 'em almost weep blockbuster. Have to say it is rather good albeit pretty standard Disney fayre. En route we stopped off at Riverside Farm a foodie/pub establishment thrown up on the site of the much lamented but ickle visited Harry Ramsdens.

We found a very quiet table for 4 & perused the menus. The boys went for Cheeseburgers & chips but hold the chit. H went for the Tuna melt. I did spy a few main meals of interest but not looking to look odd went for the "American style chicken burger". Having been shown to the food ordering point by the helpful chap behind the bar ( I was such a noob!) I ordered said grub. Having done that I approached the bar for drinkies. White wine for the lady, J20 for Jabbs, lemonade for Tom & I had the alcohol free beer. Great stuff that is. No alcohol so if you don;t grimmace too much, when drinking, no one would know. Obviously only having a half pint make you look abit lightweight so the sooner they add taste & make it available on draught the better imho. Whilst getting the drinks H & the boys got moved by the supervisor type chap. He had a white shirt & a air of authouratayyyyyy. I asked the bar chap politely why we had to move.

"oh under 12s are not allowed in the bar area...."

Eh? We were a good way from the bar & no one was near us.....but hey rools is rools I can dig that. Adults who go in for a drik &/or meal might not want to sit near brats. usually you'd just pick your table accordingly but I suppose this prevents surprises later.
He got our drinks, the food counter lass provided a tray, then he asked if that was all & when I said that was it he headed off stage left.....

When he came back, he enquired why I was still there...

"er well I haven't paid yet" said I tenner still in hand.

Yeah, yeah I know, not my problem if they offer free drinks right? The till would have still been shown as open, they would have come found me & one of the staff would have got a roasting off white shirt man. Can't do that to them can I?

No seriously you can't.

No you can't.

Look I know these kids, I work with them &....

Anywho I then had to find the nice lass who had got me the tray to change our table number on the order. To our delight we had been put in the holding area for small kids who have had excess sugar & want to leap about in the play area. Even Jabba, who is not shy at running amok, thought it not condusive to a quiet family meal. Oh well 5 more years & we can go eat with the adults. I understand why they do it, but once you are forced in there with the understandably loud U5s it doesn't make you want to go back there too soon. I think they could do with a larger eating area for da families or if there was, we just might have got unlucky with table availability.

Anyway to the scoff, & to my question really. My American chicken burger was basically chicken in like a batter & that. No relish, nowt. Dunt seem right to me. That said the side salad was fine & the coleslaw gawjuss. Nice chips too. Value was reasonable, service swift, staff friendly & the place was very clean. I'd go back if I could avoid being shoved in the kiddy pen.

Pippsicles
Dave

One man & his pooch

2009-02-14T23:09:00.000-08:00

Missing the kids as well as H. Soooo not good.

Painted & that Saturday for a bit then H. picked me up for Tom's footbo. Found out when we got there the capt was not showing up & neither was the GK. HCD not at all happy.... Back up GK was "on the way" but seemingly a bit lost. Ex GK, now at the mighty Pies, showed up & I chatted to his Dad. Tried to cheer myself up by recounting times when, back in the day, such adversity prompted a positive result. Game was played on a pretty steep slope. It was relatively even but the boys managed to get a 2:0 lead. Could have been more but then they missed chances too. I have a lot more confidence in the stand in goalie & he did really well. There was a fair bit of intimidation, which the lads stood up to for a change. Second half would be pretty much backs to the wall & so it proved. They did still make a couple of chances & took one to end up 3:0 winners. It flattered the boys slightly but ten again sometimes courage brings it's rewards. Tom was named motm. I think The GK was possibly more deserving & probably the lad in midfield, but given what is going on in Tom's life he did really, really well.

H's flowers had arrived during the game & she wasn't happy I had sent them. Explained her reasons, which I now understand a bit more, but as I explained I am damned if I do, damned if I don't.

Settled down to a tea of pie, chips & beans, fantastic.

Fell asleep during the latter stages of t' rugbo, just as well really. I should have got up & done something but I felt so washed out I decided to get up earlier Sunday instead. Waking up at 3/4 am everyday has taken it's toll.

Found the modern filum of Jase & the Argoslads. Is that the weirdest filum ending ever? One assumes there is a second part & I think I have seen it. Still, nice to see some Greek on Greek action.

Then found the Sarah Connor Terminator thing. Quite watchable really. Went up to bed, decided the pooch might as well come in with me as there's just us two here. No,no,no not in the actual bed, just in the room.

Ok Sunday, lots to do today. Kids are having roast chicken, H would prefer me to stay away today so I'll have to see what exciting things I can find. That said, if I have a good day on the painting the pub beckons. Then I'll do some stripping this evening. All work & no play makes Davey a dull dude & that.

Pips
Dave

Some funnies via H

2009-02-13T23:56:00.000-08:00

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHs

A teacher asks her class, 'If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Ralphy. He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.' The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.' Then little RALPHY says, 'I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?' The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.' To which Little RALPHY replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'

LITTLE RALPHY ON MATHs (Part 2) Little RALPHY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. 'Why?' asks the father? 'The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3,'' I said '6', replies RALPHY. 'But that's right!' says his dad. 'Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?'' 'What's the f...... difference?' asks the father. 'That's what I said!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON ENGLISH

Little RALPHY goes to school, and the teacher says, 'Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?' RALPHY says 'Mas-tur-bate.' Miss Rogers smiles and says, 'Wow, little RALPHY, that's a mouthful.' Little RALPHY says, 'No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob.' LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR

Little RALPHY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the toilet. He yelled out, 'Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!' The teacher replied, 'Now, RALPHY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.' Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go.'

Little RALPHY, thinks for a bit, and then says, 'You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!'

LITTLE RALPHY ON GRAMMAR (Part 2) One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, 'My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.' 'Very good, Suzie,' replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. 'My mummy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.' She said, 'Excellent, Michael!' Then the teacher reluctantly called on little RALPHY. 'Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just f...... beautiful!''

LITTLE RALPHY ON GETTING OLDER

Little RALPHY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, 'Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.' Little RALPHY replied, 'My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.' The man asked, 'Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?' Little RALPHY answered, 'No, he minded his own f....... business.

A Russian woman married a Canadian man and they lived in Toronto.However, the poor woman was not very proficient in English, but somehowmanaged to communicate with her husband. The real problem arosewhenever she had to shop for groceries.One day, she went to the butcher and wanted to buy chicken legs. Shedidn't know how to put forward her request, and in desperation, cluckedlike a chicken and lifted up her skirt to show her thighs. Her butchergot the message, and gave her the chicken legs.Next day she needed to get chicken breasts, again she didn't know how tosay it, and so she clucked like a chicken and unbuttoned her blouse toshow the butcher her breasts. The butcher understood again, and gaveher some chicken breasts.On the 3rd day, the poor lady needed to buy sausages. Unable to find away to communicate this, she brought her husband to the store...(Please scroll down and see)

What were you thinking?Hellooooooooooooo... her husband speaks English!!Now get back to your work!!Sometimes I do wonder about you!

Friday the 13th

2009-02-13T22:41:00.000-08:00

Quite an odd day. Jabba was home as his skool had an insect day or summat. Tomster went off to skool as normal. Bro in law Mike came over to discuss the plan vis a vis making EVM Towers fit for it's princess & that. Mucho notes made & mucho consultation with said princess required. Plan is now to start mit der entrance hall & gallery as dats da big job & we can get on with that whilst we await the new bedroom window. That should be measured this weekend & ordered next week. About 10 days before it's ready so probably 2/3 weeks before it goes in. Hopefully will have done the hall by then.

Princess H. came & collected da boys, Tom had training & that. H agreed to go look at some paint on Tues as she was free, hurrah. Tea was jacket spud with cottage cheese on it's final eat by date. Which was nice. Settled down to watch "Run fat boy run" a buffday pressie on DVD format. Very good it was as well. Early to bed as I planned to get up early. Seem to be wide awake at 3 or 4am at the moment. Knackered, stressed but wide awake, brain thinking too much me thinks.

No training for the U8s today as the council want to save the pitches for matches. Does enable me to travel to Tom's away game after all. I seemed to have been left out of the travel plans until training was called off. Bum. Anyway can't wait it's the team they just lost to & they have a coach who marched onto the pitch near the end of the last game & declared "can't wait to get this lot to our home pitch, we will kick them off the park". Clearly whatever qualifications he has the part on child welfare passed him by. I pointed out he was threatening 12 year olds & it disintegrated from there. Was I surprised? Er no, he's been like this for 3 years. The team was thrown out of the league last year as a result of some sideline rumpus. They merely came back as another club & he's still there, whether officially or not. Brilliant.

Wished H a happy Valentine's Day via the means of text & she replied in kind. Promised to take her cards over later. She ignored that bit. Ooops merely a jest on my part my sweet.

I know, I know give it time, it's not yet been a week. I really do miss my smiling happy wife.

Right off for tea, a hearty breaky & some stripping. Oooer mrs.

Pips
Dave

Latest WI

2009-02-12T13:45:00.000-08:00

Well it's not a bad lil issue. Just had a read whilst the kids watch TV & let the huge portions of spag bol digest & that. Moz will enjoy the AWI article, part 2 it is...oh must have glossed over part one. Where's the last issue?

Good review of Cold Steel with top drawer eye candy from Andy Hawes. Thought the Tudor house article was a little long although to be honest it probably had to be. Mr Gadsby was his usual entertaining self & lots of tempting ads from purveyors of fine chit.

Oh & some bloke did a nice article on the SCW. Whatever that is.

Let the kids stop up a bit as it's my ast night with them for 6 days. Bum. Longest we have been apart, like ever & that.

Oh well time to start the stripping job.

Pips
Dave

One for Steve et Giles

2009-02-11T13:16:00.000-08:00

Chum Moz made the mistake of buying a rather nice book on t'AWI uniforms. As a reult he's all of a twitter on all things AWI. Moz has been painting spear chuckers for a few years now & fancied summat well.....shooty & uniformed. Well except for the Perry Min injuns that he seems to be soooo taken wid. I recommended the Touching History booky wook on the AWI/ACW as there's some fine eye candy & inspiration in there. AWI seemed idea for a dabble, small units but enough variation to stave off the tedium demon. I mentioned the excellent online Tarleton's quarter & he was pretty much doomed. Hahahaha another victim!
I mentioned once abusing the collection belonging to Steve Jones, the esteemed co author of Age of Arfur & indeed author of a very fine set of AWI rules. A set wot I have played & actually understood the mistakes I was making. Just the job. The name escapes me but it's summat like "hairy backs". If someone could be good enough to tell me what issue of WI they were in I'd dig out the issue & copy it ( for personal use with permission & no dodgy chit). Unless someone had a copy on their PC or owt of course.....

Picking my next issue of WI up tomorrow. Looking forward to it.

Pips
Dave

Night Jimbob, night Mary Ellen

2009-02-10T14:05:00.000-08:00

Yes for those of us of a certain age it's Walton stylee reference. Begining to sink in here at EVM Towers exactly what this brief life is all about. Let me explain....no go on please let me....

Well ok. Picked Jabba up from school & he'd been upset again at skool but he'd not needed the stress ball today so he was very pleased with himself. It's hard not to love the wee fella. He's got such a lovely laid back, witty personality, he's impossible not to like. Bit like his old man really. Anyway got home & Tom was in not long after armed with a pressie. He'd popped into Thornton's & had some choccies gift wrapped for his dad. On it he'd written "hope this fixes something for you". Jaysus, what can you say. Is this the average action of a 12 year old? Possibly, but anyway I was touched & almost lost it. Don't mind admitting that. He'd seen my reaction to a friend of H's bringing her flowers and wine complete with wine glasses no less. The flowers I could handle but the wine seemed too celebratory. An over reaction possibly but it made me feel like a bullying wife beater she has escaped from rather than just an ejit. I've made some mistakes but I'd like to take some of the credit for a what is turning out to be a fine young chap.

Did finally lose it during dinner, not sure what triggered it. Possibly delayed reaction to the chocs. Don't mind admitting I lost it, don't mind admitting the kids saw it. Least they know their dad is not some robot & he can get upset too. Apologised to them. Pointed out all I ever wanted to give them was a happy family life. Toys, games & trinkets all well & good but it's the family upbringing that maketh the chap. Somehow I've let the domestic bliss they had slip away.

Thing is they are great kids & the house has been a very happy one. I've taken my eye of what is important & am paying the heaviest possible price as a result. Can't help but be proud of the boys & how they are coping. Top, top lads.

Dropped the boys at H's pad so I could visit the great retail Satan itself nearby. H has been performing wonders getting the place liveable, clean & looking purdy. Ali was now due over tonight rather than tomorrow morning so I headed off to brave the aisles. Last time I flew solo round there was when Jabba was about to arrive. I'd set off to be there at 6am of a Saturday & back for when Tom woke around 7.30am. Marvellous, just had to look male, useless & explain your wife was pregnant & you got all manner of help. Got into a decent routine as no one else was daft enough to be there apart from half a dozen pensioners blocking an aisle. The ones that are there having a natter at any point in the day you care to choose. This time it was a lot more tricky & not much help was forthcoming, the cashier even lost my car keys under some bags. Serves me right for almost sneaking the tuna & pasta bake mix through without paying. I did fess up as soon as I noticed.

Managed to get round unscathed, only £1.50 over budget. Got the shopping home, upacked & away before fetching da boys. Ali had arrived by now & the ladies were itching to go out for chips & probably some wine.

Got home & went to bed, well it was 9:30pm

Pips
Dave

Funnies from H

2009-02-10T08:10:00.000-08:00

I'll just say.....Connect 4, should she ever read this......

Do you have feelings of inadequacy?
Do you suffer from shyness?
Do you sometimes wish you were more assertive?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, ask your doctor or pharmacist about White Wine. White Wine is the safe, natural way to feel better and moreconfident about yourself and your actions. White Wine can help ease you out of your shyness and let you tell the world that you're ready and willing to do just about anything. You will notice the benefits of White Wine almost immediately and witha regimen of regular doses you can overcome any obstacles thatprevent you from living the life you want to live. Shyness and awkwardness will be a thing of the past and you will discover many talents you never knew you had. Stop hiding and start living, with White Wine. White Wine may not be right for everyone. Women who are pregnant or nursing should not use White Wine. However, women who wouldn't mind nursing or becoming pregnant are encouraged to try it. Side effects may include dizziness, nausea, vomiting, incarceration, erotic lustfulness, loss of motor control, loss of clothing, loss of money, loss of virginity, delusions of grandeur, table dancing, headache, dehydration, dry mouth, and a desire to sing Karaoke and play all-night rounds of Strip Poker, Truth Or Dare, and Naked Twister.

WARNING:The consumption of White Wine may make you think you are whispering when you are not
WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may cause you to think you can sing.
WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of White Wine may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people

NOW JUST IMAGINE WHAT YOU COULD ACHIEVE WITH RED WINE!!!

And another.....

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. The woman's husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, "Dark in here."
The man says, "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have a football."
Man - "That's nice."
Boy - "Want to buy it?"
Man - "No, thanks."
Boy - "My dad's outside."
Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "£250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together.
Boy - "Dark in here."
Man - "Yes, it is."
Boy - "I have football boots."
The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, "How much?" !

Boy - "£750"
Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, "Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer.
The boy says, "I can't, I sold my ball and boots."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"£1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that sh*t again. You're in my cupboard now"

2009-02-09T13:31:00.000-08:00

Well, here we are.

H is there I am here. Missing her like mad & so are the boys.

Oh well gone 9.30pm, time for bed.

This from Tom - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jA_ABcohuZ8&feature=related

Night night all

Dave

2009-02-06T08:42:00.001-08:00

This from Father Francis of Retford

A nun walks into Mother Superior's office and plonks down into a chair. She lets out a sigh heavy with frustration..
What troubles you, Sister?' asks the Mother Superior 'I thought this was the day you spent with your family.'
'It was,' sighed the Sister. 'And I went to play golf with my brother. We try to play golf as often as we can. You know I was quite a talented golfer before I devoted my life to Christ.' 'I seem to recall that,' the Mother Superior agreed. 'So I take it your day of recreation was not relaxing?' 'Far from it,' snorted the Sister. 'In fact, I even took the Lord's name in vain today!'
'Goodness, Sister!' gasped the Mother Superior, astonished. 'You must tell me all about it!'
'Well, we were on the fifth tee...and this hole is a monster, Mother - 540 yard Par 5, with a nasty dogleg left and a hidden green.and I hit the drive of my life. I creamed it. The sweetest swing I ever made. And it's flying straight and true, right along the line I wanted.. and it hits a bird in mid-flight not 100 yards off the tee!'
'Oh my!' commiserated the Mother. 'How unfortunate! But surely that didn't make you blaspheme, Sister!' 'No, that wasn't it,' admitted Sister. 'While I was still trying to fathom what had happened, this squirrel runs out of the woods grabs my ball and runs off down the fairway!' 'Oh, that would have made me blaspheme!' sympathized Mother.
'But I didn't, Mother Superior!' sobbed the Sister. 'And I was so proud of myself! And while I was pondering whether this was a sign from God, this hawk swoops out of the sky and grabs the squirrel and flies off, with my ball still clutched in his paws!' 'So that's when you cursed,' said the Mother with a knowing smile. 'Nope, that wasn't it either,' cried the Sister, anguished, 'because as the hawk started to fly out of sight, the squirrel started struggling, and the hawk dropped him right there on the green, and the ball popped out of his paws and rolled to about 18 inches from the cup!'
Mother Superior sat back in her chair, folded her arms across her chest, fixed the Sister with a baleful stare and said... 'You missed the fucking putt, didn't you?'

This from H.

Do you ever worry about the NHS ? You should!! These are sentences actually typed by Medical secretaries in NHS GreaterGlasgow

1. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

2. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.

3. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day itdisappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status:- Alive, but without my permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physicaltherapy.

20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

21 Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

23. Skin: somewhat pale, but present.

24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

25. Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

26. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

27. When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

28. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.

29. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

30. She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

31. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

32. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as astock broker instead.

33. By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

Stay away from hospitals!!!

Well yes, myself, I only go there if I need to.

Pips
Dave

2009-02-04T09:17:00.000-08:00

Little Barry came into the kitchen where his mother was cooking dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tellhis mother what he wanted: 'Mum, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Little Barry was a bit of a troublemaker. He had got into trouble atschool and at home. Barry's mother asked him if he thought he deservedto get a bike for his birthday. Little Barry, of course, thought he did.Barry's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted him to reflect on hisbehaviour over the last year, and write a letter to God, and tell himwhy he deserved a bike for his birthday.Little Barry stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write Goda letter.

LETTER 1:Dear God,I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for mybirthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Barry.

Barry knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year,so he tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 2:Dear God,This is your friend Barry. I have been a pretty good boy this year, andI would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,Barry.

Barry knew this wasn't true either. He tore up the letter and started again.

LETTER 3:Dear God,I have been an OK boy this year and I would really like a red bike formy birthday.
Your friend,Barry.

Barry knew he could not send this letter to God either. Barry was veryupset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church.Barry's mother thought her plan had worked because Barry looked very sad. 'Just be home in time for dinner,' his mother said.

Barry walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street,into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room andsat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Barry began to write his letter to God.

LETTER 4:

I'VE GOT YOUR MUM.

IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN,

SEND THE F*%#ING BIKE!!!

2009-02-02T01:09:00.000-08:00

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F-- YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Gutted

2009-01-29T22:43:00.000-08:00

Poor Julian so close & yet.....personally I think he wus robbed. The pretty lass won through.....based on her.... potential. Never heard it calleed THAT before...oh no wait I have.So it's back to making toys for Julian.... er plastic figures then. Very nice job he is making of it too.

Prior to the mockery of justice I was over at Perry Towers. Managed to sneak a peek at the PM Salute game set up & those Brunswickers that there bloke did where he replaced all the swords with re worked metal pins and that......I remembered his name last night, can't recall it now. Bum. Anyway top stuff. He was told by his Mrs it was the figures or her. Oh to actually have been given a choice! So Alan P ended up buying them.

On the finances, a big mention to NPower. Remember how pleased I was with them? Well no more. After a big monthly hike last month they offered to reduce it back to it's previous amount. Gosh ta, so grateful......British Gas (urgh) have reduced theirs yanno?....I was thinking of paying......yanno... like.....less? I had looked on t'interweb & found a cheaper tariff by them. Pointed that out & they duly agreed it existed & eventually shifted me to that there one. There's an additional quarterly standing charge (why??? It's me that provides the readings??) but on the numbers given I'd be £300 p.a. a year better off. So yeah, oddly I did want to go ahead wi that one. No the science of rocket propulsion is it? Along comes a letter confirming the unit charge per whatever....like we all understand that chit.... I prefered life under nationalised utilities. At least you knew where you were......Then yesterday came confirmation of the direct debit amount..... back to exactly what I paid 2 months ago.....so I call the "customer service dept" & listen to Vivaldi whilst preparing the spag bol. A very helpful woman called Gail kept going off to read the notes telling her exactly what I had just told her. Tried not to laugh as she was a Geordie woman type saying "comp -u-ter" just like in some comedy series, cant recall which.... is the one where she is always collecting for charidee?

Then she told me what I was paying was right...oh so previous chap had just fibbed about saving me £40 a month? Asked to speak to a supervisor....none available.....she was impressed I was making bol. sauce from scratch & asked to come to tea. Although admitted it was bit of a drive from Redcar. Sounded a bit scarey now. Normally Geordie accents on lasses is quite appealing. Look at Donna Air...
Do owt for a bag o chips that lass would. This one seemed more likely to be a stalker type with spruts of black facial hair.

More like it, yeah.

Can they call me back then? I seem to be paying to complain here...

"Our phones cannot make outgoing calls pet"

....say what? Sniff, sniff....is that cow poo? You have a building there where no phones dial out? Major design fault there, how can you waste time at work otherwise? Oh I see.

Gail waited for a supervisor to become free & we discussed the use of carrots in the bog. sauce. She found it odd. Explained it was a mum in law thing, possibly Derbycestershire in origin. Kids loved it as they don't eat mushrooms. Needs summat else dunnit? She told me her ex was now living in Derby, although he was originally from Sheffield.....oh good my fave city in the world.....not. Christ has she just told me she is single & hunting there? Well I am still not thanks very much. Still very much married in an about to live apart just in a "trial separation" type way. Chit, that still sounds bad.

Eventually, with the onions, carrots & mushrooms done, the pasta ready to go & all ingredients to hand ready, she agreed a manager would call me back as they," in my opinion had not met their high levels of customer service". No chit Sherlock.

No call back as yet..... of course not. Mudders.

Then don't get me started on the letter from Virgin Household Insurance. Told me I had not provided the correct documentation. Info that their last letter had not even asked for.......so additional premium was due.....hang on you have not even asked for it yet, let alone given me chane to send it. Some idiot is being paid a fortune to put in place proceedures that don't actually work. Nor make any sense. I bet I could have done it for half the money.

Still, on the plus side, Virgin don't play Vivaldi at you till you want to scream.

Pips
Dave

2009-01-28T22:45:00.000-08:00

So there I was a basing some minis & who pops up on BBC Tv's Masterchef but Julian of Chiltern Miniatures & Victrix fame. Which was nice. I won't ruin who won last night if you want to watch it on I Player/ Tv catch up chit. Or you can just watch him in Thursdays final. Now I used to think I could cook a bit but......apart from Lord S' manservant I suspect Jules might be "da man" as far as wargamers who cook go.....unless Mike Hobbs is on next week of course. Course he got lucky being put in a French restaurant as his good lady is a Frenchie & I suspect Frenchie cuisine features a highly at Chiltern Towers.

Glad he won as I am still livid over the treatment of man's man Kim the plain talking, plain cooking Yorkscestershireman man from Tuesday. Quite frankly he was robbed. his food was adjudged to be the best, but they put Chezza through on the basis of her "potential" to cook arty farty posh nosh. Oh & they liked her pud.

Tsk.

How on earth does that work? Kim does the better job but loses.......seems a tad unfair....

"League Division 2.....Notts County 1, Rochdale 2....points are awarded to Notts County as 'potentially' they can be better in the long term."

Rubbish.

The EVM Towers restoration fund gathers pace. Hmm we need a pic of Griff Rhys Welshchap here really. Just to give this some gravitas.

Right that's better.

As you can see, the east tower needs a re vamp.

Here a heated debate breaks out over who should restock the trout ponds.

Pips

Dave

A funny via H.

2009-01-27T22:27:00.000-08:00

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines fromKansas City to Chicago.

The little boy (who had been looking out thewindow) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer)told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy went down the aisle and asked the flight attendant.

The flight attendant, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said,

"Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"

The boy said, "Yes she did."

"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes
because Southwest always pulls out on time.

Have your Mom explain that toyou."

The big day went well

2009-01-26T21:49:00.000-08:00

With Tom doing a "Ferris" H took the opportunity to take a stress day off work. Long overdue imho. She trotted off to the retail Satan and abuser of chickens to get some shopping in. Steak for tea, hurrah! Got back in time for late morning tea & we sat down in front of t'tv wi Tom who wa' having a DVD & duvet day. After Bee Movie hed moved on to Saving Ryan's Privates. Only ever seen it all the way through the once so sadly we both got drawn in. Wasn't that taken with it first time round but Ok yeah it's a good filum.

Pressies from Ali et Keef arrived. DVDs of Charge of the Light Brigade & Waterloo, double hurrah! Next door popped round their pressie an Andy McNab book... going to set me off on Moderns again I know it...oh well.

Had lunch & then pottered about a tad. Just before H went off to school I nipped out. Allowed her to disappear before going back in the house with her fave bottle of red vino, Ideal Home mag & the biggest bucket of flowers they had ready in da local florists. When H got home and saw t'flowers I got a gorgeous smile. Hmm should have done dis long, long ago & more o it.. H asked why I had got them......said no reason, they were just random flowers for my lovely wife. See I do listen. Made her a cuppa & we settled down wi' the mags to discuss the decor in the boudoir & that. I need t set up an account wi' the florists methinks.

Steak was fantastic, TV wasn't bad so all in all a very nice evening.

Oddly hopeful after today. Clearer idea of what I need to do & H has been a lil more receptive to the offensive charm. Going to take a long time,if at all, but I've never been one to quit stuff.

Pips
Dave

happy burfday toooo mmmmmeeeeeeeeee!

2009-01-25T21:13:00.001-08:00

Yes, tis that time o year again innit tho? Monday is the big un. Well it's an un.

Managed to get a two day gig this year it falling on a Monday. Did a bit of house cleaning after toast & marmelade. Unplugged the DVD player so H can take that to her new pad. Undid the VHS ( remember those kids?) as I never use it & it might as well go to the van so we can keep the old tapes there for rainy days. H's mum is getting her a Tv for her new batchelorette pad. Be better than mine... bum.

In laws came over on the Sunday to go out with us & neighbours to t'pub. Which was nice.

To the pub!

H looked mighty fine in her boots & jeans combo. She was checked out big time as we went in t'pub by some chap. She didn't notice, I did, & I can only hope for his sake his female companion didn't. Starter was mashed up duck on toast. I opted for the roast beef. Very nice beef spolit a bit by the instant mash, nuked peas & underdone ever so slightly roasties. Saw the size of chef & let it pass. Although not perfect it was nice & the creamy leeks were splendid. Cheesecake to follow, very nice. Our chum in the pub gave us a discount voucher to use so Jabba ate free basically, hurrah!

After that H dropped me off at the Panthers whilst heading off home to wrap the DVDs that arrived a couple of weeks back & the Southern Comfort ( I think) she picked up Friday. I think it's SoCo, to give it it's trendy new buzz name, as H might have a pang of guilt that the bottle Grambo alwys gets me at Xmas is now gone by February.... Since she got a taste for it.

After the Panthers failed again, to overcome the loss of H at games & folded meekly, it was turkey sarnies at home. No, no not from Chrimbo.

Headed to the neighbours for beer, wine & chat. At some point in the evening a "Sound of Music" evening was arranged for next Saturday. Some pretext of revising for the themed girlie evening & quiz at the local church in a couple of weeks. Not a bad night out that for a £5 plus own booze. Sadly we men are discriminated against & not allowed in. I suggested H pop the nuns outfit on she had for a fancy dress party a few years back. Pretty sure she said no. Shame, she looked well fit & it's the closest I have ever got to wanting to be in the church. So to speak.

Pipsies
Dave

Cup qtr final day

2009-01-25T00:45:00.000-08:00

Erm....not quite sure how this happened.....4 nil up by half time & Tom slotted home a penalty. Sort of went for a corner. The last penalty he took he aimed for the clouds. He played well, ok no he was brilliant. Played at the back first half but came forward to play some tellling passes. Second half he played midfield & ran himself into the ground. Over did the running a bit but won his tackels and moved the ball well.

Ran out 6:2 winners & a semi final place awaits....which is not too shabby.

H went off to see some friends newish baby afterwards. Took Tom & left the Jabster with me & his mate. When she got back Jab & chum were taken for a Maccy D's by H & I listened to the footbo scores whisly doing some prep & that. Hurrah for the once mighty Whites. At one with the world I set about cleaning the bathroom. Not sure we need to spend money on living apart, we hardly see each other as it is. When H got back I took the pooch a sccot whislt she prepared a sumptious feast of hotdog mit der wedges. Nice. Then after I'd tidied up we settled down with a nice Zinfandel or two and watched our newly reduced selection of Tv channels. Luckily Dad's Army was on. The one where they bring the harvest in & get ratted on potato wine. After that it was a double bill of Police Interceptors.....H would now like a an Evo....

Todays footbo was rained off so it's toast & home made marmelade from the mo in law before a roast dinner at der local pub. After that it's Panthers & turkey sarnies for tea.

Pips
Dave