Craptanisty Land

Happy Birthday Forrest and Robin

2009-07-06T12:38:00.001-07:00

You had your cake....

and you ate it too!

Buffalo Grass Update

2009-07-02T12:56:00.000-07:00

So I am still really excited about Buffalo Grass so I called Takao Nursery today to ask some questions. It turns out it's not too late to plant Buffalo Grass (good through August). Also I asked and it is much more drought resistant than Bermuda Grass. One of the best things is that the planting is really cheap and low maintenance For the size of my lawn it would cost approximately 42 dollars for plugs. The prep work is really minimal. They recommended that I use a herbicide to kill all the Bermuda a weeds and then plant the plugs 1/8 of inch into the ground and cover lightly with dirt. They actually recommended that I didn't disturb the soil by aerating or rototilling because it would activate other seeds (probably what happened with my last attempt). After the plugs are planted they recommended that I only water them 1 time a day as opposed to the 3-4 times that the Bermuda recommends. Once the plants are secure (30 days) I only have to water once or twice a week and not at all during the winter. I still need to talk to the big guy about this but it sounds really practical.

I want this

2009-07-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

So as I was lamenting my recent misadventure in gardening I was pondering just going to a nursery and buying some grass that was reading for planting. So I stumbled on to what looks to be an awesome nursery in town called Takao Nursery and they are promoting Buffalo Grass (check out their blog for more info). Anyway it uses 75% less water (then fescue grass I assume) and it looks pretty cool. According to the website the particular version of Buffalo grass they sell was created by UC Riverside and Davis. They claim that in the Central Valley it only has to be watered once a week and that it only grows to a length of 4-6 inches so you could chose not to mow it. It has the same drawn backs as other drought tolerant grass (it's dormant during the winter) but I would like to be the cool kid on the block with some hipster grass that isn't you run of the mill Bermuda. So I think I will check this out and find out what the cost of some plants are. More to come....

Misadventures in Gardening

2009-06-30T21:23:00.000-07:00

So about 2 weeks ago I attempt to patch our front lawn with some fresh Bermuda grass. I spent a few hours preparing the soil, spreading the seeds and covering it with topsoil. Like a child I tended to it daily with care. This included watering it multiple times during the day, worrying about it and reading up on whatever tips I could find. Last week I noticed little seedlings and I was so excited. Today I'm not so sure.

You see this is what Bermuda seedlings should look like.

This is what the seedlings in my yard look like

This what the seedlings of a common weed that is in my yard looks like
What I don't get is why are these seedlings just coming up in the exact spots that I sprinkled Bermuda seeds. Well as long as my yard looks like crap I will give it a few more weeks and see what comes of my experiment.

The Real Blogger's of Fresno

2009-06-30T11:27:00.000-07:00

If you have been in my Blog circle the past few months you may have noticed that their have been a few incidents of Blog Drama on Ed's blog. It gave me idea for the Swede Festival there should be a Swede entitled the Real Blogger's of Fresno. It of course would be based on Bravo's Real Housewive's series. Ed of course would be pegged as the Inconnect Instigator (why do instigators always claim to be so inconnect?) of course The Fresnan and Gustov would be the fire-pokers (you know the ones who keep the drama going and bring up old drama) and then Mike Oz would be the peace maker. Any ideas? Any Takers?

What a Waste

2009-05-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

In an effort to save money someone at my job spent alot of time making two huge posters letting us know how much office supplies cost.

My response:
9x12 envelope...9.3 cents,
6x9 envelopes...5.4 cents,
time spent making poster....WASTED

Happy Earth Day!

2009-04-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

Just a quick Happy Earth Day message. This year I will be celebrating Earth Day by switching out the Styrofoam cups at work for paper. What will you do?

Happy Birthday Puddles

2009-04-07T11:35:00.001-07:00

Today she turns 13! That's like 68 in human years. So she is like a Baby Boomer. Well I'm not exactly sure when her birthday is but I got her towards the beginning of June 13 years ago and they said she was 6 weeks old so I just decided we have the same birthday. She has been a good friend all these years. Here's to the hope of many more birthdays together.

J Crew = Affordable? In what universe

2009-04-02T20:05:00.000-07:00

I was watching CBS news last night and they made big mention of Michelle Obama at the G20 summit "and that she and she wore affordable clothes from the brand J. Crew throughout her husband's election campaign." According to CBS news this is what affordable looks like

It's a little hard to see but the total price tag is approximately $340.00 Obtainable yes. Affordable? I'm not sure unless maybe your husband is the president and make 200,000 dollars a year. No please don't miss my point. I am by no way trashing Michelle for her commitment to stick to a budget and buy clothes that are modest by most public figures standards. My gripe is with CBS news for being, let's say, "out of touch" with what is affordable for most of us.

Maybe Tyra is Right?

2009-03-31T19:49:00.000-07:00

So for years Tyra Banks has been telling me for years via America's Next Top Model that being a model is hard and is more than just having a pretty face. Well I was watching the Real Housewives of New York (I know it's a tangent just follow along) and I was curious to find out what these ladies do for a living so I did a little internet trolling. Come to find one of the ladies runs religious jewelry internet store front and (wait for it) she models the jewelry. I just had to post the pictures because she really seems to be the worst choice for a model. I mean sure she is attractive but in her eyes I see a combination of crazy and scared. Oh and did I mention her range of expressions. Well just take a look for yourself.

Neat But Expensive

2009-03-30T14:04:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Coast to Coast Am Live last night (no big surprise) when I heard about a new light bulb that could last up to 10 years. It looks pretty cool too. What's the draw back you ask? Only the 120$ price tag. I highly doubt that even if I replaced my regular LED light bulb every 3 months that I would ever recoup the investment from this purchase. None the less still cool.

Something I can get behind

2009-03-13T19:44:00.000-07:00

With the recent state of the economy I'm sure we are all reminded that most of us are one or two paychecks away from being homeless. I have been drawn to news stories about modern day Hoovervilles taking root but today I heard of the EDAR project and this is something I could really get behind. EDAR stands for Everyone Deserves a Roof. It started as a dare so to speak for someone to invent something "better than the cardboard box". What they got a really cool housing idea. Here is a 3 min video that the LA Times did on it. One EDAR cost approximately 500 dollars but you can make a smaller donation of say $50.00 and put the wheels on one of these babies. I'm thankful to see innovation like this and that it's for the benefit of those that our society tends to throw away.

Lost According to Jay and Monticore

2009-02-20T19:34:00.000-08:00

So via text message Jay and I having been discussing Lost. Big spoiler alert Jay is rooting for the "jocks" and I'm rooting for the "nerds". This has been the basis of us deciding what everyone on Lost lettered in High School. Be sure to add your own.

Kate: Cross Country

Jin: Wrestling

Jack:Golf

Hurley: Football

Faraday: Chess

Sun: Tennis

Charlie: Band

Open Letter to Unwelcome Editor

2009-02-18T14:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Ed,
Thank you for reading my blog posts. I apologize that they are full of so many errors that you feel the need to sign on to my dashboard and edit my posts rather than commenting. You're efforts were not appreciated. PS: You are banned from this blog until you learn to control your urges. If my grammar is so atrocious that you can't help but hack into my blog then please don't read it.

My First Brush with a Telemarketing Scam

2009-02-14T12:56:00.000-08:00

Approximately every six weeks a news story reports how some poor elderly couple was scammed out of thousands of dollars by a slick telemarketing scam. I don't know about the rest of you but I have always felt deprived because I have never been targeted for one of these scams. Well, yesterday everything changed when I received a call at work. I answered the phone, "Hello this is Monticore, how may I help you?" On the other line I hear silence and then just as I'm about to hang up hear in an easy to place foreign accent "Hello Heather you have been randomly selected to receive a US Government Grant for 10,000 Dollars. How are you going to spend the money?" I answered, "I did not apply for any grant. How did you get my information." Again the voice replies "I know this call must sound strange but I assure you that you have been chosen at random to receive this money from the US government," then explain that I would be happy to review the information at my leisure if they would mail me the offer. "Okay ma'am I just need to verify your address." She then reads off my old address and I reluctantly give out my current address. Then the voice asks, "Okay all I need now is your social security number, but only the last 4 digits so that I may verify your account and then you will receive the 10,000 dollar check in 3 business days.

Now at this point I am of course a little bit excited about the possibility of receiving 10,0000 dollars but there is no way in hell that I'm going to give out more personal information over the phone. So I immediately tell the voice that I am not comfortable giving this information out over the phone but I will review the information that they will send to me. The voice then asks me to call her back immediately with my information so that she can send my money to me. She tells me her phone number, grant account number and then has me read it back to her. Then she tells me her name is Shannon Smith. That's when I know there is no way this is true because there is no way this woman's name is Shannon Smith.

As soon as I get off the phone I google US Government Grants Scam and quickly find tons of hits about this scam. According to the Federal Trade Commission eventually you are asked to either pay a one time processing fee of 300 dollars or give your bank account information to this company. Bottom line the government never gives out 10,000 dollars randomly to people. So I quickly filled out a formal complaint with the trade commission and I felt so relieved I did not give out further information.

Right now I am actually hoping that Shannon Smith calls me back so I can call her out for the phoney she is and let them know that I called the Fed's on her ass.

Worst Food of 2009

2009-01-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

So Men's Fitness just came out with their list of the 20 worst foods of 2009. Scrolling down the list I find it hard to believe that it is even possible to make this food. Take the Baskin Robins Large Chocolate Oreo Shake. How do you cram 135 grams of fat into this. It baffles the mind. Currently I am trying to keep my meals to between 12 to 15 grams of fat. So by my calculations it would take me three days of regular meals to equal the fat intake of one shake that probably only takes two minutes to finish.

In other over-eaters news local police were called to the Golden Corral to break up a fight because they ran out of steak.

Another Rick for Lulu

2009-01-15T13:51:00.001-08:00

Just checked out Lulu's blog and felt I needed to share another "Rick" video with all.

Gottshalks goes under

2009-01-14T18:38:00.000-08:00

Okay Fresnarians get out your hankies. The staple of Fresno's fashion and design savvy Gottschalks department store declared bankruptcy. In all honesty aside from the human impact and jobs loss, there will be no love loss here in Craptanisty Land. As a child Gottschalks really was the most upscale store Fresno had. They were the only store to carry the more expensive "bourgie" brands like Esprit or Guess. Unfortunately all they carried was watered downed crap that they attempted to pass off as "Central Valley Fashion". You know what I'm talking about. Compound-esq floral dresses with that stupid barrette in back to give the hint of a waist line. I sure if I could speak to their merchandise buyer they would tell me that the Gottschalks customer does not want stuffy New York or L A style fashions instead they like something a little more laid back and less flashy. So in closing thank you Gottschalks for giving the Central Valley absolutely thoughtless fashion and for clothing What Not to Wear candidate for over 4 decades. You must be proud.

Bad Weekend for Pirates

2009-01-12T20:18:00.000-08:00

Congratulations pirates for hijacking a Saudi oil tanker and receiving an 3 million ransom. Unfortunately you made too hasty of a get away this weekend which resulted in not only the drowning of 5 pirates but also the loss of your treasure.

Bad Days Bad Faces

2008-12-03T11:39:00.000-08:00

Just a quick look into my psyche. There are some days that I look in the mirror and think wow I look great with images of Audrey Hepburn or Winona Ryder swirling in my brain. Then there are days (or weeks) when I look in the mirror and I think Urgh! I so look like Romana Quimby. Today is one of those days.

Dancing Dice Riff Raff

2008-11-25T21:28:00.000-08:00

Just messin' around today and I was able to make this little video featuring some of the members of the Dice Riff Raff. Enjoy.

She's not the only one

2008-11-25T21:10:00.001-08:00

So it appears that Lulu is not the only who thinks that Jude Law has been spoiled by his new mustache. Yesterday I found an article about "fallen dreamboats" (formerly good-looking celebrities) besides the usual suspects (Mickey Rourke, Jared Letto, Tom Cruise) Jude Law made the list. It appears that he was found guilty of sporting a "pornstache" So kudos to Lulu.

When Busey Attacks Vol. III

2008-11-20T20:01:00.000-08:00

Long time no post. Since it's been so long since I last posted I knew that my next post had to be of real significance. So what has brought me out of my blogging slumber? Why it's the host of slurring addicts on Celebrity Rehab, most notably Mr. Gary Busey.

Thanks to Joel McHale and The Soup I have been witness to the erratic behavior of Busey over the last few years. Check this out if you need a memory jog or this.

However tonight on Celebrity Rehab Busey really out did himself (however some credit needs to be given to the supporting cast of Steven Adler and Jeff Conway). Tonight Jeff Conway and Gary Busey got into a full blow fight for the front seat of the van as they were leaving their "art therapy"

Really this reminded me of an outing that one might take if you lived in group home for the developmentally disabled and their behavior was rather similar to those individuals.

Just take a gander if you wish. (My favorite part if when Steven Adler almost falls off the sofa)

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The good news is that much later after Gary Busey then picks a fight with Sean Stewart and everyone calls him a psycho he offers his apologies to Jeff and closes with this proclamation of love: "My Love for you stops 5,000 miles past heaven. "

I am so addicted to this show. One hour is not enough. My only hope is that Gary, Steven and Jeff team up and start making movies and the new and improved 3 slurring, drug riddled, neurologically impaired Stooges.

Stores are Closing Just in Time for Christmas

2008-10-21T19:13:00.000-07:00

So today I heard the news: Mervyn's, Shoe Pavilion and Bed Bath and Beyond are all closing there stores. Now I'm sure some might take this as sad news (you know people out of work, another blow to our struggling economy etc). But to me all I can think is. that I sure hope my friends and family like towels, discount shoes, kitchen goods and off brand Levis because, I'm going to try to do all my Christmas shopping at Mervyn's, Shoe Pavilion and Bed Bath and Beyond.

Highlights from PA

2008-09-30T09:42:00.000-07:00

Well the trip to Pennsylvania was a success. Not only did Tim and Lauren have a lovely wedding but I managed to visit the Shoe House

Visit the Amish (I saw so many! But I didn't want to take a picture of them.)

And go to Three Mile Island

Oh I also got to go to the QVC outlet (only two in the country!). Thanks to Tim and Lauren for a wonderful time and big thanks to Ed for putting up with my crazy sight-seeing requests.