Not Quite Normal

LIGs

2009-04-24T17:41:00.003-04:00

So, one of my favoritest bloggers (hooray!), TJ, posted today about her Lifelong Irrational Grudges. Best. Post. Ever. I finally have a name for them! I have so many of these it's not even funny...many directed towards the people I love dearly. As noted by TJ, these are irrational. Hence the middle word there. I don't need to have a reason for this stuff to annoy me, it just does.

Some of my more generic, anyone doing this drives me nuts LIGs:

The showerhead. TJ mentioned this one too. Tall people (i.e. everyone that uses my shower except me) aim the showerhead further out. They leave it there. I get in, turn the shower on...spray of cold water, right in the stomach. NOT COOL, people. This is just as bad as leaving the seat up, I swear.
Putting the milk/juice/soda/whatever back in the fridge with about two sips worth left. I don't CARE if you didn't have room in your glass. Chug that last bit straght out of the bottle.
People who, upon learning that I am deaf, start talking either louder (DEAF, people, not hard of hearing), reeeeeeeeeeeally slooooooooooowly (not mentally challenged either), or with super-exaggerated lip movements (this does NOT make lipreading easier). I know they're just trying to help me understand them. I still have to fight the urge to reply in the same manner.
Not knowing when to shut up/move on to a new topic. I will cheerfully listen to you talk about your new car/football game/whatever. When my eyes start glazing over half an hour later, though, it's time to stop. Please?

I could go on, seriously, for hours about this. I have plenty of specific-person-type LIGs too, but those make more sense if you know the person, sooooo...I won't post those. For now, anyway.

Post your own LIGs and link back to TJ! She wants 4,000 trackbacks. Get to work.

A Letter, Kind of...

2009-02-21T17:35:00.003-05:00

I've always been better at getting my thoughts out coherently in writing. Typing. Whatever. I have a tendency to screw it up in person...saying too much, saying too little, sidetracking, phrasing things wrong, just generally failing to get my thoughts across. Not that I can't have a perfectly normal conversation...it's when I'm discussing something important that I tend to have problems.

I actually rehearse this stuff in my head when I can, prepping ahead of time. Do other people do this? Thinking out what I should say, how I should say it, how the other person might respond. This doesn't always work, though...sometimes there's no time, or an unexpected response, or a surprise tangent. That's when I tend to really flake out. I have had discussions and arguments where I totally failed to get my actual point across, because that part of my brain has issues or something.

Even when I do have time to plan things out beforehand, I don't always actually say them. What if I screw it up anyway, despite having it all planned out? I'm such a chicken about it sometimes, I really am. It can take weeks or months to get up the nerve to try to tell someone something, even when it's something simple...if it's serious, I get nervous, and screw it up, and...argh. Waiting is safer. I should be less nervous.

Writing it all out is easier...I can think about what I want to say, and look it over to make sure I'm actually saying it right. No struggling to find the right way to phrase something, no worrying about the other person throwing me a curveball, nothing. I just write. Even that doesn't always make it easy, just easier...

Having explained all that...writing this should be easier than it is, but I'm nervous, even though I shouldn't be. This is about as basic as it gets. I don't know when you will read this, because I don't blog as often as I should, so I know you don't check as often as you used to. I don't think I'll tell you to check, though...I will wait, and let you find it. A message in a bottle thrown out into the intertubes, as it were.

I love you.

I've known for awhile, but it was never the right moment to tell you, or when it was I couldn't find the words fast enough...I didn't want to put you in an awkward position, either, if you didn't feel the same way...and if you don't, that's ok. I hope you do, but don't feel like you have to say you do if you don't. I know I don't really have to tell you not to do anything you don't want to, but I am anyway. I don't want it said unless it's meant, you know?

Maybe you'll read this tonight. Maybe you won't read it for a month. I'm going to let it go and be patient instead of fumbling for a way to get it out without making a mess of it. You don't have to tell me when you do read it, either, if you don't want to. I won't cheat and look to see if you have or not. I'm just throwing my bottle out there and letting it float.

6 Months

2009-01-12T15:14:00.002-05:00

So...6 months ago today...

I'm sitting in a Starbucks in the middle of DC, texting friends for moral support and wondering what the heck I'm getting myself into as I wait for a guy to show up. We'd been IMing for all of two weeks, and shooting each other messages on a dating site for about a week before that, and here I am, meeting him in person...am I nuts?

Well, yes, but that's another matter entirely *cough*.

So I'm sitting there, looking at my watch every couple minutes and texting frantically, trying to calm myself down tot he point that I wasn't practically hyperventalating...oh, look, a text from him. He's running a little late, he doesn't know the Metro system very well...ok, no problem. Breathing. Texting. What time is it? I'm insane! What if he doesn't like me? What if I don't like him?

Nervous? Me? Naaaah.

So finally, he does show up....

Oh wow, the pictures didn't do him justice. Hm, he's going to take some work to learn to lipread. And it's kind of noisy in here. He brought a notepad! Wow! He's a lot more laid back about this whole communication thing than I am....

So, off we go to the movie theater...to see Wall-E. What an adorable first date movie. I had almost screwed this one, up, but that's another story...anyway, into the movie...he pops back out to grab himself a snack. I'm too nervous to eat.

So far, so good...haven't done anything royally stupid yet...he's cute, he's funny, he seems to be enjoying himself...breathe.

Movie's over, time to go get something to eat...I had found a pizza place with good reviews nearby, and had a map saved on my iPod Touch...no problem, right? Down this street, turn here, walk a block, turn there...

We get lost. I do not have the best sense of direction.

We find the pizza place eventually, though. Decide to split a pizza...I don't even remember what was on it, aside from sausage...which I remember because I managed to drop some on the floor. Go me! I keep apologizing for having a hard time understanding him. I'm...awkward. He finally tells me to just relax.

Relax? Am I allowed to do that on a first date? Ok...relax. I'll try.

I relax. It's a lot more fun this way.

Pizza's done...we wander over to a museum, sit on the steps, and...sit, mostly. I try to make small talk...he tells me to just relax...just be. Don't have to talk every second. Just enjoy being here.

I am not very good at just...being. I try, though...and it isn't bad at all.

He shoots a video with his phone...I don't realize he was shooting video til after the fact, I thought he was taking a picture or two. I don't know what I said, if I said anything, on the video. It was cute of him, though. He invites me back to his place, too...I tell him I can't, not this time. Don't have enough time, have to meet my ride at the metro station too soon...but next time.

I want to have a next time. This guy is...wow.

Eventually, our butts get tired of the steps, but we aren't ready to go yet. Wander into the museum...oh yeah, can't wear anything on your back in an art museum. Backpack-style purse gets slung over my shoulder, but doesn't want to stay put...after it slides off my shoulder a couple times, he reaches over and takes it from me.

He is carrying my purse. In public. Without being asked. Holy crap.

I've been here before, and mention the wacky abstract "modern art" on the top floor. He hasn't seen it, but wants to. We find the stairs and start heading up. I don't do "up" stairs very well with my bad leg, but I manage. Second floor, need to find more stairs...oh, look, a stairwell. In we go, up we go...he stops on the landing. I stop too. Looking out the window...my leg doesn't mind the break.

I realize he's going to kiss me about half a second before it happens.

So much for breathing. Wow.

Kiss in the stairwell for a couple of minutes, even though it feels like a lot longer...

I wasn't going to kiss him on the first date, dangit! I'm glad I did. Or he did. Whatever.

Up the rest of the stairs we go. I still can't breathe. Jeez. He told me later that he didn't notice it took me a good 15 minutes to start breathing normally. We wander around for a bit...admiring some art, laughing a little bit at other art. Find a nice smooshy comfy bench out of the way in one of the galleries and park ourselves there for a few minutes. We check out each other's tattoos.

Back to wandering...and then it's time to go. I don't want to. Not much choice, though. Gotta meet my ride.

He rides the red line with me to the stop where I have to switch to orange. It's totally out of his way. He stands and waits with me, too, and doesn't leave til my train does.

Oh my gosh. So cute!

Best. First date. Ever. Seriously.

There have been lots more dates in the last 6 months. I'm still not good at just being. He still helps me relax.

I kinda like this guy. ;)

Panda

2009-01-08T17:06:00.002-05:00

So, I felt like playing around in photoshop today. innit cute? I want to snuggle him. :)

O Christmas Tree!

2008-12-12T16:49:00.003-05:00

So.

I went shopping with a couple of friends last night, and when we stopped at Michael's, we happened to see the most adorable little Christmas trees. On sale, even! They were all between 2 and 3 feet high, with lights, in several different colors. They had a pretty little 2-foot silver holographic sparkly tree. It pretty much had my name on it...it was $6...I bought the tree. One of my friends got the same one.

Having gotten said trees, we also needed some teeny little ornaments...I decided to go with a red/green/silver theme for mine, so I picked up some green jingle bells, some teeny red ball ornaments, a pretty little red/green/silver garland, some itty bitty candy canes, and some equally itty bitty Christmas gift shaped ornaments. I also got a teensy silver angel for the top of the tree

It's actually a pretty cute lil tree. The photo doesn't even begin to do it justice. It's impossible to capture the pretty rainbowiness of the branches without blowing the lights out completely. I put it up on top of my PC last night...in between boss attempts in Naxx, actually. Had to kill time somehow while everyone else was talking on vent.

No, it's not the traditional 7-foot-tall tree with a bazillion mismatched ornaments and rainbow twinkle lights...but it is my tree, and I like it. It really does suit my personality more than a traditional tree. Sparkly, artistic (limited palatte, yay!), and much more my size than a normal tree. Too bad there's not enough room for gifts under it. My beanie baby penguin shall have to suffice.

Bleh

2008-11-30T13:48:00.003-05:00

It is drizzly and gross outside. One of those days where you just don't want to get out of bed, much less do anything.

I don't mind good storms -- I like them, in fact -- but drizzle is just depressing. Nobody, myself included, seems to have much motivation to do anything. Including think up good posts, actually. Maybe the drizzle and my brain will clear up and give me a better posting idea later...but I said I would post today, so.

A Day Early

2008-11-26T16:09:00.003-05:00

I know, this should get posted tomorrow...but I dunno if I'll have the chance tomorrow, so here it is...overdone as it may be, things I'm thankful for:

My Family - they drive me nuts, I drive them nuts, we're about as far from normal as any family I've ever known...but we love each other. we support each other. We take care of each other.

My Sweetie - because he's a smart, funny pain in the butt who doesn't cut me any slack on things I shouldn't get any on while looking out for me when he knows I do need a little. And he's hot, too. ;)

My Friends - They're lunatics. Every last one of them. But so am I, so we suit each other. They're pretty darned awesome people.

My Dog - He knows it's his job to look out for me, and he does it to the best of his ability. As long as he's not distracted by food, anyway. He's a great little guy.

Technology - More specifically, the technology that lets me "hear", that lets me talk to people I'd never get to know otherwise, that lets me make phone calls, that lets me take care of stuff without having to leave the house...my life is not easy, but it's a lot easier than it would be without all these gadgets and gizmos. The just-for-fun ones are pretty awesome too.

Doctors - Even though I can't stand them sometimes, I've had some really fantastic doctors over the years...and they've kept me in much better shape than I would've been otherwise.

Books - I would not know well over half the random facts I've picked up over the years if it weren't for my books. I don't read as much as I used to, but I still love it.

Last, but far from least,

God - For all the things He has blessed me with, which I could take weeks trying to fully list.

HA

2008-11-25T20:22:00.003-05:00

It has come to my attention that, in their tradition of wringing every last drop of money from their customers, EA has already released a new pack of parts for Spore. This mini-expansion, if you will, is available for $20.

Seriously?

So I pay $50 for the base game, and then another $20 just to make my critters look different?

No thanks. Especially not so soon after the base game release that there is plenty of speculation regarding whether they even waited for the game to go on sale before creating this pack.

There's apparently a full-blown expansion in the works for a few months down the road, to expand gameplay with....stuff we were told would be in the base game, but was cut for time reasons. Hm. Took a decade to develop the game, but they couldn't spend a couple more months finishing stuff they had been dangling in front of fans? Guess that wouldn't have made them as much money.

I won't be buying the "parts" pack, and I won't be buying the expansion. Screw you, EA. Give us the old Maxis back.

Christmas Shopping

2008-11-21T17:42:00.002-05:00

I've probably mentioned this before, but I totally love Christmas shopping. I have a total blast hunting for just the right gift for each person on my list, finding the one thing that totally fits them. Granted, sometimes the gifts are less than exciting -- my sister, for example, wants a small filing cabinet (I asked for the same thing though, heh), but other times, they are truly epic...

Last year, for example, I gave one of my friends a yodeling pickle. Yup. He has a tendency to get too serious/focused, so I told him whenever he starts getting tensed up about something, use the pickle. It is impossible to stay serious around that thing.

A few years back, I bought Mom a license plate frame. Boring, right? Well, not exactly. She'd been rear-ended several times in the last several months (yay tailgaters!), so I bought her a license plate frame with metal spikes on it. "Here, mom, maybe people will think twice about following you too close now..."

Or this year...I've already picked out a couple of really fun gifts. My brother, the music geek is getting a drum t-shirt...that actually plays. He's going to be a big hit with his musician buddies with that one.

My sweetie is getting a very cool gift too, but I can't say what since he reads this blog. It is way epic, though. And I'm going to have a lot of fun teasing him with mentions of just how awesome it is over the next several weeks.

I can't wait to give all this stuff to my family and friends...giving presents is at least as much fun as getting them. :)

Wake Up!

2008-11-19T13:38:00.003-05:00

If my brain could actually talk to my body, this is what a typical morning would look like...

Psst.

Shh. I'm sleeping.

Look at the clock. you should get up.

Bah. Leave me alone.

No, really...you should get up.

No. I'm comfy here. Toasty warm blanket, soft pillow, soft bed...

But it's getting late.

It's cold out there. I'm not crawling out from under this blanket.

You won't be cold after you get dressed.

That involves movement. I don't feel like moving. I want to go back to sleep.

You have things to do today!

They can wait...

*Sigh* I didn't want to have to do this, but...

But what?

Remember that glass of water you had before bed?

....

....

I hate you.

I know. Now get up.

Mail!

2008-11-18T16:48:00.002-05:00

So, two interesting things delivered by the mailman today.

First off, one of the pet supply websites I've bought from in the past apparently sold (or gave) my mailing address to PETA. Now, I'm not for animal cruelty by any means. I like animals. I'm sure as heck not a PETA type either, though. I eat meat, and enjoy it, darn it. I'm not going to use the PETA-logo return address labels. If they love animals so much they should be worried about the trees they're wasting, too. Animals live in those trees!

Ahem.

The second thing I got was an "oops" from Amazon. My family chipped in and bought my sister a new GPS for her birthday (her old one broke a few months ago). It arrived today...twice. Apparently they screwed up and sent me two of them, as two separate shipments. I checked my credit card bill, though, and they only charged me for one. Hm. I emailed Amazon customer service and basically told them they can have the extra one back if they want it, but only if they pay for the return shipping.

Kinda nice to get mail that's not medically-related for a change, anyway.

Squee!

2008-11-10T15:30:00.003-05:00

Ok, I've been good and not posted about WoW recently, but you guys are going to have to put up with it today.

Only three more days til Wrath of the Lich King (the new expansion, for you non-WoW addicts)! I've already got all of my initial plans all mapped out...my Death Knight name and professions, where I'm going to go first with my hunter, talents and pets and all kinds of awesome stuff...I am positively giddy with excitement.

I've read so many different places that this expansion is what the last expansion should have been, in so many different ways...lore, pvp, maps, a lot of the class changes...granted, there are some things certain groups of people are not thrilled about, but that's going to happen no matter what. All in all, it's looking to be really spectacular.

I'm debating changes to my pet lineup once I get into the high 70s and can use exotic pets. Right now I have a gorilla for normal soloing, a moth for single-target elite soloing, a wasp for grouping, and a worm and a core hound sitting in my stable that I can't actually use right now. I'm thinking I'm going to swap the last two out...the worm for a rhino to use in pvp (because mass knockbacks rock!), and maybe a chimera...or, if I get really lucky, a spirit beast. I'm not holding my breath for the spirit beast, though, because at the moment there's only one spawn in the entire game, it's rare (LONG spawn timer), and it's sure to be camped pretty heavily for at least a few weeks. It's supposed to be a pretty spectacular pet, though.

Personally, I think hunters should get a short-term spell similar to a priest's mind control that lets us "tame" an animal-form druid for 20-30 seconds...just because that would be pretty darned awesome. Of course, my sweetie with his 70 druid may disagree with me. I would totally swap Scare Beast for that spell, though. Running enemy druids into their own team to do some damage? Heck yeah!

Ahem...minor sidetrack there...anyway.

I'm hoping the servers don't crap out on Thursday with all the launch-day traffic, but I'm not holding my breath. The servers have been choppy for the last few weeks...most noticeably this past Saturday when several hundred baby tauren and a few hundred allies crashed the servers. If one measely event on one server can bring everything crashing down, what's goign to happen when thousands of people who wouldn't normally be online log in to invade Northrend? My money is on some not-so-pretty lag and server crashes. Personally I'm strongly considering staying in Outlands for the most part and cleaning up some old quests to get level 71 or 72, aside from a brief trip to Northrend to level up my professions. No guarantees on whether I'll actually have the self-control to stay away, though, lag or no lag.

Just an idea...

2008-11-05T16:52:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I won't copy 99% of bloggers and write about the election results other than to say: bah.

Anyway.

I'm so excited it's November! The holidays are approaching quick -- my favorite time of year. Christmas shopping and pretty clothes (when else can I get away with wearing sparkly clothes and not get funny looks?) and special treats and lots of opportunities to make people smile! Christmas goodies are already out in stores, and people are already making gift lists.

My family started something last Christmas that I hope becomes a new tradition. We've got to discuss doing it again this year, but we all liked it so much last year that I think it'll stick. Rather than spend a ton on presents for each other, we each bought each other one small gift, then pooled the rest of the money we would have spent and sent it to my Aunt P, who helps run a school for deaf kids in the Dominican Republic. We asked her to use the money as she saw fit for people who were in need of it. We sure don't need more "stuff" around here anyway.

P spread the money around a bit, but most of it went to two families.

The first family is a single dad with a couple of kids, one of whom is deaf. Their house had been trashed by a mudslide, and the dad was basically at the point where he was going to have to decide between selling his car to be able to fix up the house, or not having a place for his family to live. He's a taxi driver, so his car is his livelihood...it wasn't cool. P passed on enough to him to let him fix the house up without having to sell his car.

The other family was even better. A local teacher had taken in a few kids, not her own, to keep them off the streets. Money was tight, and one day she got to the point where she literally gave the kids the last bit of food in the house, and had no money to buy more. She had been praying for some way to keep feeding those kids...and that very afternoon she received some of the money we had sent.

How cool is that? Seriously.

I love giving presents (and I won't deny that I enjoy receiving them as well), but honestly, I don't need more "stuff", and most of the people I know don't either. There are so many people all over the world who can't even afford the basic necessities of life for one reason or another. Americans alone spend billions over the holidays. Billions. Wouldn't it be awesome if we could take just a fraction of that and use it to help people who really need it? Even 1% of that money would make a massive difference to a huge number of people.

So, as the holidays approach...why not think about helping someone else out instead of just giving people lots of stuff, much of which will barely even be used? You can still give gifts...just give smaller ones. Change somebody's life.

I'm going to.

Spread the word. Let's change Christmas!

Go Vote!

2008-11-02T22:11:00.002-05:00

Two more days until one of the biggest elections in US history. No matter who wins, it will give us a first -- the first black president, or the first female VP. No matter who wins, a lot of things will change. A lot of people will be excited. A lot of people will be pissed off.

And a lot of people won't bother to vote at all.

Yeah, yeah, your vote is insignificant, blah blah blah. Know what makes it even less significant? Not casting it at all. Know where your vote is more significant? At the local level. Even if you could care less about who wins the presidency, go vote. Vote for the people who will be running things where you live. The ones who can win by a handful of votes.

Too many Americans are ridiculously apathetic about their right to vote. They don't bother to vote, then they whine about the people who end up in office. You don't like the people running things? Do something about it. Vote.

You may or may not agree with my political opinions. That's fine. You have that right. If you aren't going to vote, though, do not come and complain to me about the state of this country. If you can't be bothered to go stand in line for a couple minutes, push a few buttons, and get your sticker, guess what? I can't be bothered to listen to your ranting. You want things to change? At least try and help elect someone who will run things the way you want them run.

Mark it on your calendars, people. I expect to have to stand in line for at least an hour to vote, got it? A shorter line than that, and I will be annoyed.

I Should've Waved

2008-10-25T21:12:00.001-04:00

True story.

When I was 12, President Clinton signed a medical research bill into effect. My family was asked to attend the press conference, representing an NF2 group (if you're new to my blog and don't know what NF2 is, check out my archives).

We agreed, of course, and off we went to the White House. Of the hundred-plus people there, my sister (age 9), brother (age 7) and I were the only kids.

Since Dad was deaf, he and Mom were seated up front with a sign language interpreter. My family wasn't important enough to merit five seats up front, though, so my siblings and I were seated off to the side of the room, with promises of McDonalds if we behaved (mostly directed towards my brother).

Apparently three kids sitting with no visible adult supervision during a White House press conference is not an everyday sight. We drew more than a few stares from the assembled reporters as we sat waiting patiently for things to get started. Both of the speakers before President Clinton pretty much ignored us after an initial glance or two.

Clinton, though, was less focused. He kept looking over at the three of us throughout his speech -- so much so that several family friends who had watched the press conference on tv just because my family was there later commented that Clinton seemed to have been distracted by something. We were all perfect angels throughout the press conference, though. Not our fault he couldn't stop gawking.

So, I have officially distracted a President of the United States. How many people can say that? Besides Monica Lewinsky, anyway.

Listening

2008-10-22T14:20:00.002-04:00

Ok, it's been way, way too long since I posted. My apologies.

A lot of my friends are going through rough spots in their lives right now. Mental health issues, losing someone to suicide, struggling with debt, relationships falling apart, health problems, on and on...most of them have been relatively stable for awhile, so the other shoe was bound to drop, but jeez...it seems like it's hitting everybody at once. I've actually told a few people who aren't having problems right now that they're just flat-out not allowed to. Forbidden.

I've always been one of those people that everybody comes to with their problems. It's genetic, I think...My sister, my mom, and a couple of my aunts are the same way. I don't mind, most of the time. I like being able to help my friends out, whether it's giving advice or just being there to listen when they need to talk to somebody.

It gets frustrating sometimes, though. It's annoying when someone asks you for advice one day and then turns around the next and gets ticked off at you for giving them the very advice they asked for, because your answer wasn't what they wanted to hear. It's hard watching someone go through something painful when the only thing you can do for them is be there. It hurts to see so many people I care about suffering.

I'm glad this is my gift, though. No matter how tough it gets, I can do this. I can be there to listen, even when I can't help in other ways because of health problems. As long as my brain still works halfway decently, I can keep this up. I'll never be the friend they call to help them move, or the friend they ask to help paint their house, or the friend they go out hiking with...but I'll always be the friend that is there to support them. In some ways, I think that's the best friend to be. I'm a lot closer to a lot of people than I would ever have been otherwise.

I love you guys. I'm glad I get to be here for you, even when it's hard. Especially when it's hard.

Ahem

2008-10-05T22:45:00.002-04:00

Hey you.

You know who you are.

You didn't say how long.

I win!

What Happened

2008-09-29T13:30:00.002-04:00

My apologies for being AWOL again for a few days. Been kind of frustrated and uninspired since Friday. I appreciate the nice comments some of you left on that post, though...thanks a bunch to all who did!

Anyway, a lil more background on what happened Friday. I believe I mentioned in a previous post discussing my NF2 that I have some progressive nerve damage to my left hand/arm. My doctors aren't 100% sure whether it's being caused by one of my spinal tumors or by a couple of tumors in my left shoulder, though they are strongly leaning towards the latter. I've had various tests done to try to figure out exactly where the source of the damage is, but none of them have been entirely conclusive. I had surgery on my shoulder a couple years back, but the surgeon was playing it safe and didn't get the whole tumor at that point.

Anyway, one of my doctors told me that he wanted me to look into having a tendon transfer done on my left hand. Basically, they go in and transplant some tendons to replace some of the weakened ones, to restore some lost function to the hand. He was very encouraging about the whole thing, telling me he really thought the surgery would restore a pretty good amount of the function I've lost.

So I jump through hoops with my HMO, wrangle the referral to see this guy, get a super early appointment because it lowers the likelihood of spending two hours in the waiting room, so on and so forth...everything is looking good. I'm optimistic. Get up super early, make the two-hour trip (in the rain, too), all is well...

My HMO had messed up and not actually sent the hospital a copy of my referral, of course, so we had to call them and make them fax a copy over. That's pretty standard, though. The hospital also still had my old insurance information in their system, even though I've asked them to fix that at least half a dozen times. Also par for the course. Normally that would all have ticked me off a little, but I was in a great mood. I was actually seeing a doctor who would be making me better for a change instead of one just trying to keep me from getting worse.

I get taken back to an examining room pretty close to my actual appointment time (shocking!), and the doctor shows up shortly after. We do the basic new patient stuff...why are you here, yadda yadda yadda, and then the doc actually takes a look at my hand. Puts me through some basic maneuvers to check my current level of function, all easy enough...

And then...

"You have a very complicated situation here."

Uh-oh.

Turns out the tendon transfer doesn't work so well for people with such extensive damage, it's more for people with minor loss of function. I guess the doc who referred me didn't realize that. So in the course of 30 seconds or so I go from "I'm going to be able to actually use this hand more again" to "this is as good as it's gonna get, and it's probably going to keep getting worse."

I think Mom summed it up best as we were leaving..."you're breaking a little bit at a time...it would have been easier if you had started off broken rather than starting out perfect and slowly breaking."

She's right.

It's not the final loss that's the hardest. It's the losing it a little bit at a time, and wondering what's going to start going next.

Boy, I think this is the most depressing post I've written.

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Wii Fit Progress
Current Weight: 146.1
Weight Gained: 1 lb

I slacked off some over the weekend (and indulged in some comfort foods)...back to the grind as of this morning, though, and I'm going to be taking weekly measurements as well (not posting them, though, don't get your hopes up) so I can track how much I've slimmed down, not just how much I weigh...I am definitely still seeing more muscle tone than before, and muscle weighs more than fat, so I can't only go by the scale here.

So Yeah.

2008-09-26T16:00:00.002-04:00

Getting up at the crap of dawn to spend two hours each way driving to see a doctor who says he can't really do anything for me? Yay. I don't really have much desire to post at the moment, just wanted to get some kind of something up just so i haven't totally skipped blogging for the day.

This and That

2008-09-25T16:19:00.002-04:00

Bunch of miscellaneous stuff floating through my head today...

Bush's speech last night? Oy. I do not like this whole "government bailing banks out by buying mortgage-based assets" plan. First off, as if the national debt isn't bad enough, we're going to dump another 700 billion down the drain? Bush claims the investment will be paid back over time...I'm not so confident. Plus, do we really want to trust the government to handle mortgages? I'm definitely glad I don't have a mortgage to worry about right now. Looks like nobody has any better ideas, though, sadly enough.

I am so easily pleased sometimes. It provides mass amounts of amusement for my friends. I picked up some post-it notes and sharpies while I was out today, and was all bouncy and giggly over them...I'm like a little kid when it comes to brightly-colored objects sometimes, I swear I am. seriously, though...post-it notes and sharpies! How awesome is that? (See?)

Update on yesterday's post about my prof: went to his class this morning, and my friends and I got him to go to lunch with us after...was fun catching up and whatnot. He filled us in a little more on what exactly is happening there. Apparently he's actually teaching as many classes as the full-time faculty, they just refuse to officially make him full-time because they don't want to give him the pay raise and benefits. He told us it took one of the other professors in his department fifteen years to get them to make her officially full-time, and she spent nearly all of those fifteen years teaching a full courseload. He's not willing to wait that long, and I can't blame him in the least.

He did ask us what we thought of the possibility of him teaching a private course at some point. His biggest concern was whether or not people would bother taking it if it wasn't worth any college credit, but I pointed out that a huge percentage of the people taking his photography classes (particularly the repeat attenders) have been taking it because they wanted to take his class, not because they wanted or needed the credits. He sounds like he's seriously considering it. I am so there if he does decide to teach it.

Small brag moment...one of the girls in his class this semester was also there the semester that I gave my macro lecture. Her photos for today's assignment were a perfect application of what I had taught. It feels so cool, seeing that someone actually learned something from me and it stuck! I think I understand a little better now why my prof loves teaching so much.

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Wii Fit Progress
Current Weight: 145.7
Goal Weight: 125
Weight Gained: 0.6 lb (If anyone else tries Wii Fit, be careful with the rythym boxing...I screwed up my shoulder punching too hard the other day, then made it worse doing the same thing last night. Gonna give that a rest for a few days and stick with the less dangerous aerobic stuff.)

Sigh

2008-09-24T14:36:00.004-04:00

My favorite professor is quitting at the end of the semester. He's been teaching part-time and trying to convince the school to make him full time for 4 or 5 years now. They kept putting him off, telling him "next semester, next semester", and he's sick of waiting. I can't blame him, but I really hate to see him go...

This is the prof who got me hooked on photography. I was a web design major, and needed one more class to fill my schedule, but there wasn't anything I actually needed that fit my schedule, so I decided to find something that sounded interesting and take that instead. "Intro to digital photography" was available, and sounded interesting, so I decided to give it a shot.

The next semester, I was a photography major.

Seriously, this guy is incredible. Of all the photography classes I've taken since that first semester, his have always been the ones where I really learned, where I really felt challenged, where I was forced to go beyond my limits and discover that my limits were further than I had realized. He teaches other art courses too, which are all fantastic, but his photography classes are the best. His digital photography classes are officially categorized as independent study courses, even though the class meets as a group, which gives him loads of flexibility in assignments...he has a basic syllabus for the whole class, but he can nudge people in different directions, too, to help them develop their own talents. The independent study categorization also means students get credit every time they take the class, rather than their grade being overwritten if they retake it. He officially had two levels, beginner and advanced, but for people who came back again and again he'd come up with new, more challenging stuff beyond the syllabus.

I took that class 5 times, and learned more and grew more every single time. At least one other person has matched my 5-semester mark, and many others went 3 or 4. The 5th time I took the class, He actually had me spend most of the semester shooting and planning in preparation to teach part of the class myself one day. Near the end of the semester I gave my one-hour lecture...and wow. I normally hate public speaking with a passion. I freak out. Talking about something I had spent so long pursuing and preparing for and enjoying, though...it was awesome. Even more awesome was the next class, when several of the lower-level students had directly applied what I had taught about to their assignments for the week.

Why are his classes so much better than most? His teaching style, mostly. You don't even realize you're learning half the time...and then you go out and shoot and realize "oh, I know how to do this now!" He doesn't lecture much, really...He'll spend 20 or 30 minutes of the class talking about a particular technique or a certain aspect of photography, but after that he's guiding the class more than directly teaching...everyone is talking about the week's photos, their own and other students'...and he's there making us look harder at the pictures, defining why certain elements work, figuring out what we could have done better, advising and encouraging and helping each other. He helps his students teach each other instead of just letting us sit there listening to him talk. It's active learning rather than passive. He makes it exciting.

I really think the school is going to strongly regret losing him. Every single semester I was in that photography class, the class was full. Every single semester. For a school that has to cancel classes due to lack of students on a fairly regular basis, that's pretty awesome. It was also one of the only classes I've taken where half the students there said they were taking the class because another student had told them how spectacular the class was. There are maybe three professors on the entire faculty who get that much word-of-mouth student registration, and they're losing one because they couldn't or wouldn't give him a couple more classes a semester. They're also losing money because of it, since a good number of the students in his classes every semester were taking the classes not because they needed them, but because they wanted to learn from him. I sure didn't need to take that class more than once. I forked over more than $1000 beyond what I needed to, because I was learning more and enjoying it better than in most of the classes I did have to take. I'm far from the only one, too. Heck, we had people coming in who weren't taking any other classes, who were just their for his class, because they'd heard he was awesome. The school is going to lose more money by losing him than they would have by giving him more hours.

I don't know yet where he's going to go from here, whether he's going to teach somewhere else or go back to focusing on his own personal work. A couple of friends (who have also taken his classes) and i are going to drop in on his class tomorrow morning, just to go one more time. I hope he keeps teaching somewhere.

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Wii Fit Progress
Current Weight: 145.5
Goal Weight: 125
Weight gained: 0.4 lb (I'm increasing my aerobics time slightly as my stamina builds a bit, just to burn that much more)

Of Wasps and Windows

2008-09-23T17:13:00.005-04:00

My family lived near Houston for a few years when I was a kid. Our house had a really gorgeous two-story open foyer, with a large window directly above the front door. This window didn't just look pretty, it also confused the heck out of the occasional bug.

One Sunday, a wasp made it into the house and got confused by said window. It stayed up there, buzzing against the glass, too high to capture. Dad didn't want to just leave it alone, though, since having a wasp buzzing around in a house with three young children is just asking for someone to get stung. His solution? Throw shoes at it!

Mom was not crazy about the shoe-throwing plan, of course.

"Stop throwing shoes. Either you'll break something or one of the kids will copy you and break something."

"No I won't, don't worry!"

Mom rolled her eyes and left Dad throwing shoes, taking us kids to the kitchen to feed us dinner and keep us from trying to "help" Dad. Just a few minutes later there was a rather impressive crash from the foyer. Mom sighed as Dad walked into the kitchen, looking rather sheepish.

"You broke the window."

"Um...yeah."

After a closer inspection, it turned out that only one small square pane of glass had been broken, so Dad decided he'd fix it himself. He headed out to buy a replacement pane -- an errand that would turn into a rather long hunt for an open hardware store. Houston in the early '90s didn't provide much in the way of Sunday evening shopping.

After dinner, the rest of us went outside. The cul-de-sac we lived on was mostly occupied by families with younger children, so it wasn't uncommon for several families to end up in one front yard or another in the evenings. As it so happened, our front yard ended up being where everybody else drifted over that evening, kids running and playing in the grass while their parents sat in the driveway on lawn chairs chatting.

After a good couple hours of hunting, Dad had finally found the glass he needed, and returned home as the friendly get-together was in full swing. Dad was normally a very laid-back, even-tempered guy, so Mom was surprised when he headed into the house in a huff after a round of brief hellos to the neighbors. She excused herself and followed him in to ask what was wrong.

"I can't believe you invited all the neighbors over to watch me fix the window!!"

Mom cracked up, which annoyed Dad even more until she explained that she hadn't invited anyone over. Properly abashed, he proceeded to fix the window, and a couple of the neighbors were even nice enough to give him a hand with it.

He didn't throw any more shoes. Ever.

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Wii Fit progress
Current weight: 145.9
Goal Weight: 125
Weight gained: 0.8 lb (kinda surpised I didn't go up slightly yesterday, was stuck eating greasy fast food in Baltimore)

Etsy

2008-09-22T19:59:00.005-04:00

Sorry for the later-than-usual post...long day. Anyway, I've been doing some window-shopping (browser window...I'm such a nerd) on Etsy lately, and I'm tired and not really in "come up with a good blog idea!" mode, so I thought I'd share some of my faves (as well as a couple of things I've actually bought).

Yes, I am a WoW geek, even when browsing Etsy. Starprints has a quickly-changing set of WoW vinyl stickers, including custom character stickers....and they're just so darned cute. Seriously, have you ever seen such an adorable rendition of Lady Vashj? No? Didn't think so.

Abellas has some really awesome chainmail-style jewelry in her shop. I actually bought one of the chokers for a friend's birthday recently, and it looks even cooler in person. I am nowhere near being trendy/funky enough to pull this look off, but I think they're spiffy anyway.

This glass carving by Hunterglass is way, way, way out of my price range...but it is absolutely breathtaking. Granted, I'm a sucker for LEDs (that geek thing again), but even unlit, this would be a pretty spectacular piece of art. The light just makes it even more so!

Loreto's perfumes are...wow. I've bought three for myself so far; a perfume profile, one of her premade scents, and a custom blend. Loreto is an absolute wizard, for the custom blend I asked for something that smells like Starbucks Chai Frap, and suggested a few fragrance oils for the blend...she took what I asked for and ran with it. All three of the perfumes I've gotten from her are wonderful, but the Chai...absolutely the yummiest-smelling perfume I've ever worn.

Penguins are one of my favorite critters. How can they not be when there are cute little penguins like this little guy by BellDesign? I just want to pick him up and give him a squeeze...too adorable. If penguins were this cute in real life, they wouldn't be endangered, people would be breeding the little guys as pets.

Monkeys are right up there on the "favorite critter" list too -- and what's even cuter than regular monkeys? Sock monkeys! Honestly, if I weren't too old to have a ridiculous number of stuffed animals anymore (I will admit to still having a few...), I would have so many sock monkeys. When people like Themonkeyshop have a ton of different sock monkeys up, it would not be hard to get my hands on way, way too many.

Anyway, enough of that. Real post tomorrow, don't worry.

Oh, and I didn't get to do my morning weigh-in. *sigh* Had to leave too early this morning to do it...but I did get my evening workout in, and my morning weigh-in tomorrow will take place as scheduled.

More on EA

2008-09-21T14:21:00.004-04:00

So I did some EA bashing yesterday in my Spore post. I should probably clarify my comments a bit more. See, if it had been an otherwise-innocent company who'd decided to try out Spore's DRM setup, I (and, I suspect, many others) would have been somewhat more forgiving. Mistakes happen.

It wasn't an innocent company, though. It was EA.

EA has been building their bad reputation with gamers for years. From "new" games that are essentially slightly updated versions of their predecessors( i.e. the Madden football series), to expansion packs forcing people to pay for content that was originally supposed to be released as part of the base game (the Sims), to ridiculously buggy (sometimes to the point of being game-breaking) releases and shoddy customer support (pick a game, any game), EA has pretty well demonstrated that they're in this for the money, and once they have your cash, they don't particularly care about you. Google "EA sucks" and you'll get over 20,000 results; remove the quotation marks and you get ten times that.

So if EA sucks so bad, why are they raking in so much cash? Multiple reasons, really. For one, they are incredibly good at marketing. EA knows how to crank up the hype machines and get people excited about a game. As long as you fork over the cash, they're happy...so the game doesn't live up to expectations, or provide all the content they advertised? Too bad, sucker, you already bought it.

Another reason is because of their sheer market dominance. When EA is cranking out such a high percentage of the games on the market, it's hard for anyone not specifically watching out for their logo to avoid them. With an even bigger market share than Nintendo, and games spread across computers and consoles, EA is everywhere. They've been snapping up smaller developers for years, too, which expands their dominance that much further.

Speaking of acquisitions...one of the reasons EA still maintains a weak hold on some gamers who otherwise despise them (myself included) is because of their most well-known acquisition: Maxis.

Maxis has been putting out spectacular games for over two decades now. Sure, they've had some bombs (SimGolf, anyone?), but as a whole their list of releases is pretty great. EA snapped Maxis up in '97 after a couple of Maxis' not-so-great releases left them hurting a bit. Unlike their other acquisitions, EA has let Maxis hang onto some of its own identity, probably because they know the Maxis devotees like myself are out there. Despite EA's sticky fingers plaguing Maxis games (the aforementioned Sims expansion packs, Spore DRM, so on and so forth), we Maxis fans keep buying...because under all of EA's crap, the company we love is still alive and kicking, and they're still giving us games we enjoy despite EA doing their best to screw us over. The Sims 2 didn't sell over a million copies in just over a week solely because of EA's hype machines (though those didn't hurt). Fans didn't keep forking out money for expansion after expansion because we like EA. It's a Maxis game, and we love Maxis, with their llama-based humor, their creativity, their general awesomeness.

So, in summary: EA sucks. Maxis, however, does not. As long as Maxis can keep fighting off the suck-creep from EA, Maxis fans will keep buying. Spore's DRM fiasco is not promising as far as that goes, but I'm not abandoning Maxis yet, and I doubt I'm the only one. If EA screws with the Sims 3, though...well, we'll see in a few months, I guess.

Wii Fit Progress
Current Weight: 146
Goal Weight: 125
Weight gained: 0.9 lb (Up a little more...not freaking, though. like I said the other day, I'm seeing some definite muscle tone that wasn't there before, and muscle does weigh more than fat, so. I think I'm going to start taking weekly measurments as well. Don't know that I'll post those, though. ;) )

Spore

2008-09-20T21:09:00.003-04:00

So, I promised a non-WoW post. I did not promise a non-geek post. It's genetic, can't help it, sorry!

So, Spore has been out for a couple of weeks now. Over a decade in the making, the hype machines were working overtime for months before release, and the web is still being flooded with both rave reviews and screaming rants.

My take?

I have mixed feelings about Spore. On the one hand, it is a fun game. Few of Will Wright's games aren't. The graphics are gorgeous, particularly in the Cell and Space stages. I love the sheer potential of the game...you have so many choices, with so many outcomes. The creature, vehicle, and building creators are spectacularly flexible, allowing for the design of some really beautifully creative game content. You get attached to your little critters, too, as they grow and evolve. Every achievement and progression gives a little thrill of pride that just isn't the same in games where all the content is designed for you. That's your baby that just terraformed that plant, your baby who you've nurtured through generations from a little tiny cell.

On the other hand...

For a game 12 years in the making, Spore seems a bit...lacking. it really is a fun game, but it gets repetitive quicker than it should. In each stage, you pretty much have two options...be nice (herbivore, social, so on and so forth) or be nasty (carnivore, attack, yadda yadda). Whichever way you go, you basically end up doing the exact. same. thing. over and over til you finish the stage. In 12 years, it would've been nice for them to provide multiple ways of, say, befriending another species (maybe helping them expand their village?), or of wiping them out (cut off their food supply instead of just throwing spears at them).

Space stage expands one's options somewhat, but it still gets pretty repetitive. You end up doing the same half dozen missions, just in different locations and for different civilizations. You can skip the mission route, of course, and play the trader or warmonger role, but those routes get fairly repetitive as well.

Is Spore fun? Yes indeedy, though for me it's going to end up being one of those games I start up for an hour or towo every now and then, not something I play nonstop. Is it as fun as it should be? I don't think so. Knowing EA, of course, expansion packs are likely to be released in the future, suckering gamers into coughing up extra cash for content we should have gotten the first time around. EA likes its expansion packs.

Speaking of EA...

One of the most controversial aspects of Spore has nothing to do with the gameplay, but rather with the anti-piracy measures EA has taken with the game. The DRM (Digital Rights Management) system EA has implemented with the game has been hailed as draconian, ridiculous, and overly restrictive by much of the gaming community. In a nutshell, when Spore is installed it validates itself via an internet connection with EA's authentication servers, then reconnects to those same servers every few days to assure that "yes, this really is a legit copy of Spore, let the user play it". EA also limits the number of installations with the same copy of Spore to three. For anyone who replaces their computers on a fairly regular basis, owns multiple computers, or simply does a couple of reformat/reinstalls for whatever reason, this means it may not be long 'til you've used up all your installations and are forced to either beg EA for futher activations (good luck with that one) or buy another copy of the game if you wish to reinstall it.

Ironically, EA's anti-piracy efforts have backfired, hugely. Not only is Spore being pirated regardless of the DRM (it didn't take long for someone to figure a way around the DRM, obviously), but many people who would have willingly bought a legitimite copy of the game with normal security (CD key activation, disc required, so on and so forth) have chosen to pirate copies instead to avoid the hassle of EA's restrictive activation policies. As multiple people have already noted, Spore has actually opened up the world of software piracy to hordes of people who had previously kept their game acquisition legal.

Not only is Spore being rampantly pirated, but it's being bashed all over the place because of the DRM issue. On Amazon, Spore has a pathetic 1 1/2 star rating with just under 3,000 user reviews. The vast majority of the people posting poor reviews cite the DRM as their reason for giving the game such a low rating. From blogs to forums to gaming news, criticism of the DRM is rampant, with few people standing up to defend EA.

It's not a bad game. could've been better, but it's not bad. What it is, though, is poorly managed. Maybe EA will finally learn their lesson here, but I'm not holding my breath.

Wii Fit Progress:
Current Weight: 145.4
Goal Weight: 125
Weight Gained: 0.3 lb (the munchies got me last night...have to do better there)