The Student Affairs New Professional

Learning To Fly - Post 36

2007-09-01T19:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks for the comment to my last post. Yes, it is hard sometimes to explain why we love this field...

As the new academic year is starting, StudentAffairs.com is also starting new blogs.
My new blog is available at http://studentaffairscom6.blogspot.com/
I hope you will all continue to read my blog! :)

Learning To Fly - Post 35

2007-07-25T21:07:00.001-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving."
- Albert Einstein

This word, "balance," tends to creep up on us working in StudentAffairs. I've been thinking about it a lot; it's hard not too with everyone talking about it all the time. And I have a confession to make...I hate the word "balance." It's not that I don't think having a balanced life is important. I've already admitted that I've worked much more this year than ever before and that one of my goals for the upcoming year is to find some new hobbies...but I just think, we go about this whole "balance" thing the wrong way.

I think, first of all, many people forget that balance is something that looks different for everyone. For some people, balance may mean seperating your personal and professional life; not thinking about work after hours (unless there's one of those late-night emergency phone calls). That doesn't work for me. I was never able to "turn off" my brain. I have had many brilliant ideas while watching my favorite Disneychannel shows. But I'm also not going to stop myself from checking my personal e-mail while I'm at work or call my sister from the office.
There are also aspects of work that just don't feel like "work." If I go to an event of a student organization I advise, that's not really work. I know it's work-related, but I just can't make myself think about it like that. And yes, one day I may have a family and then I'll think about it differently and have different priorities. But right now - to be honest - a lot of times I enjoy hanging out with students at an event much more than sitting at home in front of my TV or hanging out with colleagues. Or working on something for a professional organization is like a hobby for me. I don't think about it as work. It's something I choose to do because I enjoy doing it. What's wrong with that? If my supervisor knew that I'm writing this blog, she'd probably count that as part of work. I mean, I can't help it that many of my interests and hobbies are somehow related to Student Affairs.
Also, I just like to be busy. I can't do the sitting-around-doing-nothing. I get bored too easily.

What bothers me the most is that I often feel like supervisors are using "balance" as an excuse to tell you how to live your life. I mean, I'm an adult - we talk so much about treating our students as adults - what about ourselves? I can decide on my own how much sleep I need at night. I can decide what I can handle, what extra tasks I can take on and what I don't have time for. Of course, if it starts affecting my job, a supervisor has every right to start questioning my outside commitments. But if I'm doing what I need to do - even go above and beyond my job description - then who gives them a right to try and run my life for me?

As a graduate student, I was encouraged to try new things, to explore, to get involved! Presenting at regional or national conferences was seen as something positive, something great.
But last year, as a new professional, I suddenly felt like I had to fight for everything I wanted to do. I understand that we need to ask for permission regarding conference attendance because not all of us can leave at the same time. But why can't I participate on a committee during my free time or work on some task force? And to be honest, all those conversations about balance just led to me being worried and stressed about what would be taken away from me or what I wouldn't be allowed to do...I couldn't sleep anymore because I was worried over things and I started putting 120 percent into every aspect of my job because I didn't want anyone to have the slightest reason to take anything from me.

Maybe I'm weird. Maybe I'm obsessed with work. And yes, maybe I'll look back at all this in five, ten years and think, "Hey, you were crazy for working so much." But that's something I need to learn on my own.

Sorry for rambling, but this is something that's really been bothering me lately and that I can get very very emotional about.
Hmmmm, yeah, so the moral of the story is: As a grad I felt like I was being encouraged to try new things; as a new professional I had to fight for what I wanted to do. And I did NOT like that. ;)

More to come soon.... (yes, once I start talking/reflecting, I won't stop quickly.)

Learning To Fly - Post 34

2007-07-19T14:56:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"There is only one road to human greatness: through the school of hard knocks."
- Albert Einstein

Training has started...yes, already. Thanks to the academic advising aspects of my position, I have to go through regular ResLife training as well as academic advising training...so that makes our training program extra long. My roadtrip was FABULOUS and way too short and I'm having a hard time believing that the new year has already started....

But before we start talking about next year, let's look back at last year.
I've made it through my first year as a full-time professional. "Going pro" - as one of my friends from grad school liked to call it - was definitely a learning experience, but I have to say, it wasn't as different from being a grad student as I anticipated it to be. Yes, I had no more classwork to juggle with all my other responsibilities, but that extra time was quickly filled with other commitments. And while I definitely didn't spend as much time at home reading and writing papers, I still tried to pick up a Student Affairs related article here and there or I instead of papers I developed new initiatives and programs and wrote up proposals and things like that.

It definitely wasn't any less busy than grad school...but I had a little more control over what I was busy with and even how busy I was, as many of the things that took up much time were additional tasks I volunteered for. In other words, in grad school, you are forced to be a workaholic...after "going pro," you will still be busy and you will still be expected to do a lot of things, but you do have the option once in a while to say "no" (even though that's not always easy).

The main difference I noticed between grad school and being a professional was that I had a lot more autonomy in the decisions I made and a lot less guidance. I had to seek out help more actively instead of someone always looking over my shoulder. Partially, that may have just been a difference in supervisor's style between my grad assistantship supervisor and my coordinator here, but I think that also had a bit to do with me being a professional now. The help was still there, but I was also trusted to make decisions on my own.

"Going pro" wasn't all positive. I feel that it's been harder for me to maintain balance this past year than it was in grad school. You may think that's crazy, but let me explain. In grad school, I was at least forced to leaver work once in a while to go to a class or work on a project, write a paper or read. Even though that was still Student Affairs related, it was something different than work.
Now, I work and then I work and then I work some more. I am single and I don't have that many friends in this area, so there is really no reason to leave my office ever. Or when I'm sitting in my living room watching TV, it's very easy to pull out the laptop and work on some project or check e-mails or whatever else it may be that day.

I also miss having those "intellectual" conversations. Yes, I am a dork...haha. No, seriously though: I try to read professional literature once in a while, but since I don't have to, I just don't often get around to it. In our office, we sometimes have conversations about different topics, but we all get so caught up in the day-to-day work that it's hard to find time. So I really really sitting in my grad class around that conference table and talking about various current issues, things that were going on in our assistantships and so on.

Okay, I'm off to dinner at our director's house, but I still have some more things to say, so I will continue my little reflection about my first year as a professional later.

"To be continued..."

Learning To Fly - Post 33

2007-07-08T14:06:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Yeah, take it away, Ernie. It's going to be a bumpy ride."
- Shrunken Head in the movie: Harry Potter & the Prisoner of Azkaban

Orientation ended; we moved our office back (we have a temporary location that we use in the summer, since we need more space and its in a more central location); I updated and handed in the Summer Orientation Iffce Manager Manual; and now I'm enjoying my 10-day vacation.

I've taken off on a little roadtrip. Right now, I'm staying with a friend from grad school and then I'll be visiting some friends from undergrad. And then, way too soon, I'll be heading back to my current institution just in time for ResLife Training to start.

It's really nice to be away. :) Being the workaholic that I am I brought some books to read with me (well, I want to at least read the book for the class I'm teaching next semester) but other than that, I'm really trying to take a break. I miss those days when I got the entire summer off. I know, having a 10-month position, I had the possibility to take that summer off, so I really can't complain. Maybe next year, I'll take the entire summer off and actually go back home to Austria for once. My sister is getting married next summer (not till the end of the summer though), so I would be able to help her get ready for the wedding. That'd be fun!

On my little roadtrip, I've had a lot of time to think. I'm probably going to stay at my current institution for another two years, especially now that I have the living learning community I wanted and am changing a lot in the community and trying a lot of new things. But after that, I really want to move to a different area. I grew up near a big lake, the Bodensee or Lake of Constance (part of it is in Austria, part of it in Germany and part of it in Switzerland), and I miss being near such a big body of water. There's nothing like sitting at a shore or beach and staring out over the water and daydreaming. And I really wouldn't mind living in a warmer climate. I love skiing (hey, I am from Austria after all), but I could always go home over winter break and go skiing then. And I don't enjoy the cold and snow when I have to walk across campus.
But again, I won't be searching for a while (even though I may start looking selectively...I mean, it never hurts, right?), so I really shouldn't spend that much time thinking about it. I have a tendency to focus too much on the future and forget to live in the present.

Okay, I'm going to head out, but I'll add another post or two to wrap up this blog once I've gotten back from my roadtrip.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 20

2007-07-01T14:21:00.000-07:00

Post 20 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Music: "Like This" Kelly Rowland w/Eve
Mood: Enjoying the good weather

Now, I promised updates from the Social Justice Training Institute, but our schedule was so full I barely got any time to check my e-mail, meaning I have hundreds (well, more like tens) sitting in my inbox. But, I wanted to break away from doing laundry to dialogue on my experience.

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First off, if you're considering SJTI as a possible experience, you'll need to remember three things:

1) You ain't perfect...nobody is, so get over it, or learn to get over that quick, fast, and in a hurry
2) Your world view will be challenged and molded within a week, so get ready for an experience
3) Even though you'll be enlightened, you still won't be done with learning after SJTI is over

A lot of people are asked what their experience was like, and all I can say is that I was blessed for the opportunity. I honestly thought, regarding race relations and my knowledge of power structures, that I was ready for the depth and breadth of the discussions we had. Man, did I get a kick in the ass! I realized that I had underlying issues that I had to deal with, being a person of color and working with White colleagues, and that I needed a lot of help handling issues that occur, such as a colleague wanting the "White perspective" included in every discussion. I got a deeper handle on privilege, and where I fell in many arenas, such as being able-bodied, hetero, and a male, and how that impacts interpersonal dialogue and group dynamics.

The most important piece I got from SJTI was the friendships I created there. At my workplace, I rarely get a chance to talk about things that are important to me, and to just shoot the breeze with like-minded folks. However, during the last week, I talked with just about everybody about a variety of things, and it felt great. And, with the SJTI listserv, Facebook, and MySpace, those conversations can continue. I've made so many great friends, and it was extremely sad to see them leave.

I have to run to do some more reflecting, since I learned so much my mind is still running in circles. Until later...

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 19

2007-06-23T12:26:00.000-07:00

Post 19 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: Just bummin' out during a beautiful weekend
Music: Rihanna "Umbrella"

Another week of work is over...thank the calendar that said so. Projects are starting to get underway that need to be completed by the end of the summer, so play time is over and back to work (so to speak). I am the coordinator of Transfer Orientation at my institution, so I've been looking thru assessments and past years' programs, so I can craft a program that meets the needs of these incoming students. It's been pretty straight forward, but I kind of feel left out of the Freshman Orientation programming team, because Transfer Orientation has been seen as a kinda "secondary" program. A lot of resources and time go towards the freshman program, simply because there's more of them (around 500 entering this year, compared to 22 transfers). My program gets left out of discussion, but hopefully through my work more people will see the benefits of my efforts and see the importance of supporting these students.

About my eccentricities I talked about last post...I actually got my part-time job. Instead of working at UPS, I'll be washing cars for a rental car company. Sounds sooo exciting, doesn't it? Well, it's a little more flexible than UPS and pays a little more per hour. Plus, I love cleaning cars (my dad always said, "If you take care of the car, the car will take care of you"), so why not get paid to do that? When I told my colleagues, some of them looked at me like I was crazy, once again. Right about now, I could care less what they say. I'm gonna do what I like (unless it's...umm...what's that phrase...illegal and unethical), and unless they're name is gonna be on my car note, they can keep their comments and looks to themselves. Also, last night, while many my age were out at the bar scene or with their families, or who knows what, I spent my Friday evening at a WNBA game. I'll admit, I'm a basketball fan; I love the game very much, so I splurged for the $10 ticket and watched a good game. I will also say I was a little nervous, being I was the only adult male sitting alone in a section of teenage girls, knowing that some security guard or parent thought I was at the game for some illegal purpose. I made sure to not look in their general direction and focus on the game, which was pretty good.

Well, as I am supposed to wrap this blog up, I decided to keep going a little further, especially next week. Remember some of my posts about being "a bean in a bowl of rice"? Well, on Tuesday, I'll be at the Social Justice Training Institute. Several of my colleagues had urged me to attend, and I was accepted to go this year. I've been doing all the homework (yes, I said homework) and taking this conference seriously (not like I've done that to any other training, but you know what I mean). When I get free time, I'll post on how the Institute is going and how my brief vacation in Western Massachusetts is going.

Okay, I'm off to be myself...I might wash my car, or go exercise before I finish my homework. Ya'll take care...

Learning To Fly - Post 32

2007-06-21T21:30:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:

"I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like 'shut up, shut up, shut up, blah blah blah blah blaaaaah.'"
- Ellen DeGeneres

I came across this quote from Ellen today, as I was looking for a quote of the day for this blog that fits my current mood, and this one was just perfect! So i decdied I need more "Ellen" in my life and I check who's on her show in the next few days and there's a scene from Harry Potter on the show tomorrow (or actually today, since it's past midnight) and then Orlando Bloom on Monday...and now I'm really really excited. Haha. Of course, I'll have to tape it because I'll be at work, but it'll provide some perfect dinner-entertainment tomorrow. :)

Our Summer Orientation program is coming to an end. Only five more sessions. CRAZY! This summer definitely flew by.

You know, I was e-mailing my friends from Austria the other day and I mentioned how this summer just went by really quickly and that I can't believe it's basically over...and they were like, "What? Summer hasn't started yet." Which is so true...but being in ResLife, it's like, once Fall Training starts, it feels like summer's over. It's like we're living on a totally different schedule, like we're living in a totally different world.

So back to Orientation...
There's a lot of things I love about Orientation, working with the Orientation Leaders and Office staff, meeting the incoming students and seeing their excitement, watching how these students start making their first connections with other students...there's so much potential, so much future....
Some of my colleagues have said, "You either love Orientation or you hate it." I'm definitely one of those people who loves Orientation.
This year, I've been responsible for a lot of the administrative tasks, the behind-the-scenes work of Orientation. That's not usually my favorite thing to do...I'm much more the go-out-and-do-it kinda person. I live for that "student contact" we talk about so much. But then again, I'm also pretty organized, so doing some administrative tasks isn't too bad for me and I'd say, I do a decent job.
Anyway, it's definitely been an interesting learning experience. There's three areas of Student Affairs that I'm passionate about: Residence Life, Student Activities and Orientation (no offense to any of the other areas; it's just not me). And having seen some of the behind-the-scenes work of an Orientation program has definitely been educational; and if I ever decide to leave ResLife (or find a position that does ResLife and Orientation...which would be just "bloody brilliant"), I'll have a much better idea of what you do when you work with Orientation.
The thing I don't love about Orientation is that you have to work with so many different departments and something have to deal with a lot of incompetence on their part and there really isn't much you can do.
Here's an example: We've said from the very beginning that we'd be using these four buildings to host parents; using two for the even-numbered session and then the other two for the odd-numbered ones to give the Housing Staff a little more time to turn them around. Most of the time, we can fit everyone from one session into one building but once in a while, we have to go on to the second building. It just so happened that we've never had to use the second building for the odd-numbered sessions until today. So today, I get this phone call from Conference Services (they do the check-ins and check-outs for us at the buildings) and they're like, "We have a big problem" (all their phone calls start like this and usually it's something that's really NOT a big deal). The "big problem" was that they "didn't know" that we were using that second building (even though we'd said that from the very start; there's been e-mails; there's been reports for each session that have listed this building...just so far always as not being used). And apparently they didn't have any keys ready for that building. AND they didn't notice this until today when one of the families was coming in, even though I sent them a report listing all the rooms we were using four days ago (as I always do). And of course, this is all my fault!

Oh well...
Life in the ResLife World is interesting as ever. I have a 10-month position, so right now I'm not on contract with ResLife (which is why I'm working for Orientation). So you'd think that I don't have to work for ResLife. THINK AGAIN!
While I'm not allowed to volunteer for anything I'm actually interested in (or certain staff members may think that I work too much and can't handle advising RHA next year), I can definitely volunteer to help with any coordinator interviews and prepare training presentation, meet with central staff members about training presentations and and and. Those are training presentations, by the way, that should have been put together in the Spring, so that we wouldn't have to do that now. But thanks to certain other staff members not having their act together, we're nowhere near being done.
I just don't get it. This is a 10-month position!!! What would they do if I just wasn't available? Next year, I'm planning on going back to Austria for the summer...which means, I will NOT be checking my e-mails every five minutes, they won't be able to call me and there clearly won't be any time for these last-minute meetings.
You know, I'm a workaholic, so I'm always doing ResLife stuff. And I don't mind preparing some things for my building over the summer, doing some of that long-term planning that you don't get around to during the year, etc...but I just don't feel like sitting through endless meetings where nothing will get accomplished.It's like I'm being punished for being around this summer. Definitely not the way you want to start off a new semester....

On a personal note, I actually hung out with some people lately. I still sometimes feel like the fifth wheel when we go somewhere - I guess I just don't fit in really. I'm just interested in different things; like I listen to hip hop instead of country; I go to dance clubs not bars; I obsess over fictional characters from my favorite books not athletes. - but I've hung out with people lately and it's been alright. I guess I just have to force myself to be social around here; and I have to use some of that patience and acceptance that I try to use when working with my students when hanging out with colleagues. ;)

The whole getting-in-shape thing hasn't really worked out this summer. It's not that I don't have time. I just don't have the will power to do it. When I get home at night, I'm tired and all I want to do is read or watch TV. So instead of working out, I've been eating lots of ice cream. Hey, ice cream's good for you. It's got milk in it.

I'm still working toward accomplishing about those job-related goals, the getting stuff ready for the semester. I feel like I'm a little behind what I wanted to do, but not to bad. If I manage to get some work done this weekend, I should be all caught up.

Hmmm, have I talked (or actually "written") too much? Are you going, "Shut up, shut up, shut up, blah blah blah blah blaaaah" yet? Just kidding.

One of my all-time favorite student leaders, a former RHA president, now has a blog about her life at grad school (no, she's not in Student Affairs...at least not yet...haha...I kept teasing her that she'd come over to the "dark side" one day but she insists that she'll be a vet) and it's really fun finding out how things are going for her. I think, everyone should have a blog. ;) (But you may want to be careful who you tell about your blog...hmmm, and doing it anonymously may be a good idea because you never know who's gonna come across it and find out your deepest darkest secrets. And even if it's anonymously, people who know you may guess it's you. Have you guess who I am yet? If you did, don't tell me or I'll get freaked out about the fact that people are actually reading this and will now know what I think.)

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 18

2007-06-16T12:55:00.000-07:00

Post 18 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Mood: Hot...very flippin hot!
On the radio: National Public Radio

Alas, it it time for another blog. This week, I've spent my time doing miscellaneous office work, and a little light cleaning. I've had files on my desk since the age of time (or rather, since April) that needed to be put away, and I'm starting to see the bottom of my desk. I figure it's time to get a little reacquainted with that piece of furniture.

I've also spent this past week doing a little bit of reflecting, mostly on two developments. I'll break them down for ya...

1. Diversity. I'm on a diversity plan committee, looking at my institution's diversity statement and how it impacts daily business. Our team leader is a big huge fan of appreciative inquiry (a method looking at how plans and projects impact personnel matters, in addition to thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that people bring to work). Since we've started, I've bought into appreciative inquiry, and can't wait to see how the process works out. However, there are others on the team that are less confident than I. And, we've spent most of our time, as Peggy McIntosh stated, unpacking that invisible knapsack. I kinda got into a verbal spat with a colleague who was concerned that the plan would disadvantage White students, and would continue to divide groups of students as "haves" and "have nots". I understood her concerns, but I've learned that those statements come in waves of information, and there was a lot to dissect and reflect (I'll spare the meat of the conversation, but from my training, ther neded to be an encounter regarding White privilege). It goes to show that the need for conversations regarding diversity still need to happen, no matter where you are.

2. Free Time. I like to think I'm an eccentric kind of fellow; one that prefers doing the unorthodox things in life just because they're unorthodox. I told colleagues I was thinking of getting a part-time job at UPS to make extra cash and just because it would be fun, and they thought I was crazy (one wonder out loud why ANYBODY would want two jobs). I spend my free time at the airport watching planes taking off and landing, because it's pretty cool. My colleagues read romance novels and spy thrillers and I have to hear about it at lunch every day, I read Unforgivable Blackness: The Rise and Fall of Jack Johnson and learn about Paul Robeson's involvement in the labor movements from the 1930's to the 1960's, and nobody cares. Some people garden and do lawnwork, I go to dog parks to see if there are any Rottweillers around (I'm a sucker for Rotties). A co-worker raved about her new bike because it's "eco-friendly", and I talk about buying a old Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme because it's big, lots of metal, and rides like a dream (and only gets 13 miles per gallon). One lady went to the Bahamas for her vacation; I went to Moline, Illinois for a weekend (it's all my wallet would take me, but I learned that Bix Lives...whatever that means). Suffice to say, there are some disconnects between what everyone does on their free time, and I get some crap for it. I thought student affairs professionals were open-minded? Apparently not everyone. I even mentioned joining the National Guard for fun, just to get a rise out of folks, and people weren't pleased with my idea (never mind I've been actually thinking about joining the Air Force Reserve as a navigator).

I guess I'm just fussing about my workplace and the personalities that are there. I've found during the year that things weren't easy for the only person of color in the unit, and they're not any easier for the eccentric people. A good colleague of mine reads Homer and Shakespeare for relaxation, and people rib him unrelentlessly for expanding his mind. Remember the whole UPS thing above? The only person who thought it was great was the colleague reading The Illiad. I guess us creative people stick together.

I'm ranting like a creative 4 year old about their latest daydream. I'll catch ya'll later, after I watch some planes land.

Learning To Fly - Post 31

2007-06-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:

"You stand in the line just to hit a new low
You're faking a smile with the coffee to go
You tell me your life's been way offline
You're falling to pieces everytime
And I don't need no carryin' on."

- Bad Day, Daniel Powter

I was talking to one of my friends, who is thinking about leaving his current position at the end of the next academic year (after having been there for only two years). He works in a really small office and just recently got promoted, so he's been a little worried about telling them because they'll probably be mad/sad that he's leaving so soon.

That got me thinking. I don't think anyone would really care if I left. They'd probably not be excited if I handed in my resignation today or some time during the academic year...but as long as it was at the end of an academic year and I gave enough notice, nobody would care. I mean, there may be a few people who'd miss me...not so many in ResLife though, probably more students or professionals in other departments that I've interacted with.
I guess, that's all part of working in a big ResLife office. We have a lot of turnover. You don't expect people to stay in these positions too long.
But it is a little sad to know that you can so easily be replaced. That you're really not more than just another name on the staff roster.

Sometimes I wish I could just hand in a fake resignation to see people's reactions. Because I think that'd really give me a clue what people think about me. Not the fake, politically correct answer!
I wish I could leave for a couple weeks; let them realize a lot of the things that I've been doing - unnoticed and unappreciated - and then come back and maybe get a little bit more recognition. No, recognition is the wrong word...I don't need recognition (not that I'd say no to it either, but you know what I mean)...just more of an acknowledgment that I'm really trying to do a good job and some respect for my personal needs and wishes (hmmmm, maybe like a certain committee assignment). I mean, shouldn't committee assignments based on what's good for the office and also what's good for the individual staff members instead of who's friend with whom? Crazy concept, I know. ;)

You know, I don't think I'm irreplacable. I know there's a lot of other Student Affairs Professionals, who could do the job I'm doing...who are doing very similar jobs at other institutions. Hey, there may even be some out there who'd do a better job. But I'm trying and I just want to be respected for that.
I'm always the first one to volunteer when the department needs something. Interestingly enough, that's totally okay when they really need me (like to help out with coordinator interviews) but it's not so okay when it's something that I just really enjoy doing (like helping with another training session about Hall Councils) or when it's something that doesn't directly benefit the department (like getting involved regionally or nationally). You know, if you use and abuse me for everything you need, at least let me do the things I want to do. Is that too much to ask for???

Hey, on a good note though: I've been working on some stuff for my living learning community for next year and these things are slowly starting to take shape and I'm pretty excited about them. Some staff members (of course those outside of ResLife; or the ones that are leaving) have also given me some really positive feedback. This one staff member, who is really awesome, said, "I'm impressed." That meant so much to me! You know, it's really not that hard to make me happy. Haha.

Okay, maybe I should try and get some things done before lunch.
I hope you're all enjoying your summer! :-)

Learning To Fly - Post 30

2007-06-10T19:03:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Every man dies - Not every man really lives."
- William Ross Wallace

So I've basically spent all day today sitting on my couch reading Harry Potter and watching TV in between. But hey, it's been a long week and I was in desperate need of some peace, quiet and relaxation.

On Friday, I actually left campus...shocker, right? I went to a friend's house, spent the night, and on Saturday, we participated in this Community Service project. We helped paint a house. It was pretty fun. I got to climb on the tall ladder...actually, there wasn't enough people who felt comfortable doing it, so I was pretty busy. The ladders weren't all that stable, so climbing up and down didn't feel all that safe; but once you were up there, you had a beautiful view. It was like when I was little and climbed on trees. ;) I love climbing.

Maybe I should do stuff like that more often. I mean, I've been trying to find some new hobbies. But then, Community Service sometimes feels a little too much what I do at work anyway...and I'll probably be organizing some Community Service events for my living learning community next year. And I've kind of been looking for something much different.

My favorite hobby at the moment is reading. I know, that's kind of a solitary activity and doesn't really help you make new friends...but then again, reading has always been my favorite thing to do. And right now, with all the Harry Potter hype going on....

I've also seriously started preparing some stuff for next year for my building and that's been keeping me busy in my free time.
Below is just a short list of work-related things I want to get done this summer:
1) Prepare a Residential Curriculum for my living learning community
2) Come up with a Leadership Portfolio program that my residents could participate in
3) Developing a Pre- and Post-Test for residents participating in my living learning community
4) Help prepare the training for Hall Council Advisors
5) Develop a section for our staff manual that talks about Hall Council Advising

And there's probably a couple other things I'm forgetting right now. I'm definitely not going to be bored in the next few weeks. No wonder I'm too tired at night and on weekends to do anything else.

You know, the one thing I've always wanted to do, is write a novel. I love writing. I tried to write my first novel when I was still in elementary school. The story was pretty horrible...haha...but it was a start. And at my undergrad, one of my favorite courses were the creative writing ones I took. One of my faculty members really encouraged me to keep writing. But I just haven't really had the time lately. And I'm having a hard time coming up with a storyline. It's like I'm using my brain too much during the day at work and when I get home, my brain's tired and doesn't want to work. So it'll take a while till my award-winning novel will come out. ;)

Alright, it's time to get ready for bed. I'm definitely still not a fan of this getting-up-early thing. Why do our offices have to open at 7:30 AM in the summer? "Uh uh, not cool!" (Quote from Bring It On)

Learning To Fly - Post 29

2007-06-03T15:17:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"As much money and life as you could want! The two things most human beings would choose above all - the trouble is, humans do have a knack of choosing precisely those things that are worst for them."
- Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone

Orientation sessions have started and I'm back to my workaholic-self. On Orientation days, I get to the office at 7:15 AM to make sure we're all set for the day. I usually work through lunch and then stay late...but I also get to take some breaks and just hang out with my office staff, so it really isn't all that bad. The morning's hectic because that's when we help with check-ins and when we get the most phone calls. The afternoon's are much more relaxed. My office staff has been bored out of their mind the past few days. After weeks of stuffing binders and doing bulletin boards, the only things we now do is get packets with nametags, invoices, etc. ready for students and family members the day before each session and answering the phone and our e-mail....definitely not enough to keep six office staff members occupied. And it speaks for my staff that they really don't enjoy being paid for not doing anything. So I've been trying to come up with some new things for them to do, but I haven't been all that successful.
When I get home, I am generally too exhausted to do anything. I pass out on the couch and then wake-up halfway through the night when it's too late to do anything but go to bed, especially since I have to be up early again the next day.

I've started re-reading the Harry Potter books...a little earlier than I planned to. But I figured, if I get done early, I'll just re-read the last one twice. Talking about Harry Potter: I was reading Sorcerer's Stone last night and came across that quote (see Quote of the Day) about choosing precisely the things that are worst for us. It just kind of hit me. Do I do that? Do I choose what's worst for me?
I definitely choose things that are tons of work. I choose a learning community that will keep me extremely busy. If I could choose my committee assignment, I'd choose those that are the most amount of work...not because of the amount of work they are, but because they are what I'm interested in. Similarly, I didn't pick my learning community because I knew it'd keep me busy but because it was what I am personally interested in. But no matter why I choose them, there's definitely a lot of work involved in all of them. So is me choosing things that keep me busy the worst thing for me?
Not necessarily. I enjoy my work, especially those aspects that add to the regular workload. They make me happy and what's more important? Then, again, I don't have much of a personal life because of that. But would I, if I wasn't at work all the time? Would things really be different or would I just spend more time sitting in my apartment re-reading books?
I want to have a family one day; I definitely want to have children one day. Some of my friends have expressed concern about me being a workaholic and wanting to raise children. But I really believe things will be different once I have a family. If I had a children, I'd have a reason to leave work on time; I'd have something else to do, something else I care about. Right now, work's my main concern and that's why I put all my energy into it. But that doesn't mean I can't change once my priorities change, right?

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 17

2007-06-01T10:36:00.000-07:00

Post 17 from Tryin' to Get Paid

Music: Wynton Marsalis "From The Plantation to The Penitentiary"
Mood: Hoping it doesn't thunderstorm...oops, there goes the thunder

Well, another week of summer work has ended, and my weekend is just starting. I love the summer hours, where offices close around 12:30 in the afternoon on Friday. However, offices open at 7:45 in the morning every day, so I've got to get up extra early in the morning. See, the college kids have it so easy...they can sleep in, miss class, party all night (and all morning, depending on the student), and feel carefree from responsibility. Just wait until they get jobs...muahahaha!!!!

On a different note, this past week has been celebrations for staff members leaving. Aside from the sadness that some of the graduate students are leaving, I've eaten a lot. If you've read my posts, I live to eat, not eat to live. However, I'm really stuffing myself, almost to the point of making myself sick. But, it's still good to see colleagues moving on to bigger things (even if it's at a school literally a mile down the same street). Also, we had a going-away shindig for my supervisor. Before I got here, there was some major restructuring, and his position was phased out. He had the opportunity to advance within the institution, but was not considered for a position. It was really hard towards the end of the year knowing that there was a chance he wouldn't be back, but he's moving on to bigger opportunities (I would say more, but I don't want to jinx his chances). As the year progressed, we moved from colleagues to being good friends. There were a lot of difficult discussions and decisions he had to make, and I stood by him, knowing that he was a commsumate student affairs professional with the students in mind. He also was the catalyst for helping me change my thinking while advising students, and was a valuable asset during my first year as a professional. It's tough to see good friends go, but I remember a quote Morgan Freeman said in The Shawshank Redemption, "some birds aren't meant to be caged; their feathers are just too bright."

Since I'm getting a little sentimental, and I don't want to sob (again) at my desk, I'll stop here for today. Have a restful summer!

Learning To Fly - Post 28

2007-05-30T21:37:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"It's so much easier to talk when the lights are off."
- Me

Quick update since the last post:
I did end up moving. I was fortunate enough to get a hold of a Housing staff member, who was working over the weekend, and was able to have a bed put in my new apartment. No clue what's gonna happen to the painting...so far, nothing's happened yet. Surprised? I'm not.
Am I still mad? Of course. But is anyone going to care? Nope, of course not.

So I've been thinking and here's what I've come up with:

1) I don't do well with mediocre goals.
Remember how I was thinking that working out 3 times a week was a realistic goal, so I'd stick with that (rather than saying I'll work out every night or so)...well, somehow I've been using that "only 3 times" as an excuse. I keep thinking, "Oh, I'm tired tonight and I don't really have to do it because I got enough other days left this week"...but then something comes up those other days and then I do nothing at all. It's like in school when I wasn't able to just study for a "B"...even when I knew that a "B" was enough to get me an "A" overall in the course. I mean, how do you study for a B? What if you think you've studied enough for a "B" and then it turns out to only be a "C." Or worse, you totally miscalculate and end up with a "D." Okay, that probably wouldn't happen, but still.... I've just never been able to not go all out for something. The only help was my talent in procrastinating...when I started studying enough, I ended up only studying for an "A" (and possibly panicking the morning of the exam) instead of studying for an "A+." But it was never because I didn't have high goals.
So I guess I'll have to reevaluate those goals, huh?

2) I take it, take it, take it and then I blow up.
Okay, I may have to explain that one a little better...
It's like this: Things don't go my way and I deal with it. I try to find a way to live with it. I may vent to a friend or on this blog, but then I make the situation work and I won't say anything to anyone...most of the time, I won't even admit to myself that it's bothering me. I'm pretty good at ignoring my own feelings and convincing myself that they don't exist. Like I pretended for the longest time that the whole apartment-not-being-ready thing in the Fall wasn't that big a deal. Yeah, at times I'd get annoyed, but overall, I just accepted it. That's what it's like working in Reslife, right?
I convinced myself that I was okay with all these "interventions" people had with me in attempts to stop me from working so hard because they came out of concern about me. Deep down I knew that I thought they were annoying and stupid...after all, if you know me at all, you would know that these talks don't work with me...that they only throw me in bigger disarray and I end up staying up all night thinking about what I should do and what consequences these talks would have on my career and my goals...and in the end, I slept less, worked harder and worried more. Not exactly an improvement in terms of having balance in your life, huh?
Anyway, I've gotten sidetracked...
So all these things, I've just kind of accepted them, dealt with them, not said anything.
And then something happens, like the stupid thing with my move last weekend, and I blow up. Fortunately for my colleagues, I was all by myself in my apartment, so nobody had to witness my blow-up this time. But for a very long time, I've been feeling ready to blow...like the smallest thing can push me over the edge...like a ticking bomb....
I guess it'd be healthier to express my feelings a little more often and not to let it all build up so much. So why don't I do that???
Hmmm, there's definitely fear...fear of it hurting my career if I actually say what I think and the wrong person hears it; but also the fear of nothing being done about it and me feeling even more disappointed and frustrated afterwards. There's also the lack of a forum to ever really express your thoughts. An "End-of-the-Year" survey is a nice thing and I'm sure makes department heads feel better about themselves, but is that really enough???
I'm sure there's a million other reasons I could come up with, if I think about it a little longer.
But it's almost my bedtime (remember, I have to get up early this summer for work...and the first Orientation session is tomorrow...AHHHH!!!) and this has gotten long enough already...
And there's one more thing I wanted to talk about...

3) The one thing I learned from being a journalism major is to forget about your audience's reactions/feelings when you start writing.
(I'm not sure if that's something I was supposed to learn....)
But seriously: I used to write these columns and I would sometimes write slightly controversial things...and I'd totally forget that people were actually reading this column and that my name was attached to it (as well as a picture). And when someone commented on one of my columns, I was always shocked...suddenly remember again that people actually read them. But I think that really helped me. If I'd been worrying about what people thought, about the consequences of my writings, I would never written half the things.
Similarly with this blog...
Some people, who know me and know that I'm writing these posts, have asked me how I can put myself out there so much...how I can be so honest about how I feel/what I think, etc.
Well, to be honest, half the time I forget that people actually read this. And I'm kinda glad I do, because otherwise all you'd get to read would be politically correct but horribly boring little stories about how wonderful this job is and how well things are going.
it's kind of like when my friends and I, or my sister and I, used to have sleepovers and we'd turn the lights off and talk for hours and hours...because it's so much easier to talk and to be honest when the lights are off, right?
Maybe we should have feedback sessions at work with the lights turned off...haha.

Learning To Fly - Post 27

2007-05-25T22:07:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"The sudden disappointment of a hope leaves a scar which the ultimate fulfillment of that hope never entirely removes."
- Thomas Hardy

So I am really annoyed right now. Not just annoyed, but I don't think I can say how I really feel on this blog...

Here's what happened:
I am supposed to move this weekend. I planned it into my schedule; decided not to do anything for the long weekend and instead use it to get move and unpack and get totally settled in, so that I wouldn't have to worry about anything afterwards.
So I picked up my key on Thursday because I meant to go over to the suite and check it out before actually moving...but then things came up and I just didn't get around to it. And I figured, why be paranoid. How about just trusting that people are actually going to do their job and do what they promised to do? I mean, why wouldn't the suite be ready for me since this has all been set up and was a done real?

So tonight, I got back from work and was pretty tired (since I stayed up late last night...went to see Pirates). I decided to take a nap first...after all, moving was gonna be easier anyway once it got cooler out. And as we all know, I'm a night-person.
I own this huge bookshelf, so I pack that in my car. I debated for a second whether I should squeeze other things in there. But then I decided to just go over there and check out the suite first.

And guess what...
the suite is NOT ready. There is no bed in it (because the staff member who lived there before had her own bed). The paint is peeling everywhere...it was supposed to be painted but clearly hadn't been.

I'm so mad, I don't even know what to say. And you'd think that the coordinator, who checked out the staff member (only two days ago, actually...even though that staff member had moved out a couple weeks ago), would have said something. Maybe even gotten the Housing Manager to get his act together...or at least give me a heads up. But no, why would anyone care about me and my happiness in this department?

I know I'm making a bigger deal out of this then it is. But it just feels like this is just another one in a long line of disappointments that I've had to deal with at this school and with this department.

And now I don't know what to do....
Should I just move and accept the fact that the apartment will never be painted and fixed up; and that I'd have to sleep on the couch?
Or should I wait? But then, how long would I have to wait? And I had this weekend planned to move and next week Orientation starts and I won't want to deal with moving anymore. And all my stuff is already in boxes!
This is SO frustrating!

I want to like this department; I've really tried to be patient and supportive and to try and see things from their perspective. But whenever something goes well (like when I got the living learning community I wanted for next year), ten other things go wrong. And I spend more time worrying about what they'll do to me next then focusing on my job.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 16

2007-05-24T11:59:00.000-07:00

Post 16 from Tryin' to Get Paid

On the Radio: The Jim Rome Show
On the Mind: Wish it wouldn't rain anymore

Well, since things finally calmed down, I can blog for ya'll (I know, I know...you're happy to hear from me). Since we don't have summer school out here, hardly anyone is here, except for full-time staff. It's eerily quiet around here (I'm used to students stopping by my office all the time, using the computers outside my office, stealing candy from my desk), so I've had time to finish my last-minute paperwork and budget details before the fiscal year ends. I also did my summer calendar, so I created some timelines for my major projects and scheduled vacation times, so I know when I deserve a break. My mind runs so fast that I forget little things, like going home to eat dinner, do the laundry, and get the occasional nap, so I've gotta write those things down.

Anyways, graduation was phenomenal! I thought that the ceremony would be boring and the standard fare graduation, but it was excellent. When the procession started with a Scottish drum and bagpipe band, followed by the flags of countries where graduates came from, I literally had goosebumps from the excitement. Add the fact that graduation was outdoors on a beautiful day, and it made for a picture-perfect scene. I only wished my graduation was outdoors, with a gentle breeze on my face and lots of people there to celebrate with me. There weren't too many outlandish outfits (one student wore a plad suit and bowtie), but some came with their own fashion in mind. When I left, I was really proud to have been there, seen some of my students cross the stage, and proud to be working at such a place. Also, the keynote speaker was great. She does non-profit work helping disadvantaged children across the United States, and it was inspiring to hear her words of encouragement to the graduates. She was waaayyy better than my graduation speaker (he told us if we didn't become entrepreneurs, we would be failures in life).

Since the summer is really starting (it's getting a little hotter outside), I've really got to start thinking about how my first year went. The months of April and May were extremely fast-paced, so now I have the time to really think about this past year, and really read my performance review. It wasn't sterling, however I did well enough to keep my job and for the Dean of Students to tell me that my work has had an impact. There were times this past year that I felt that I wasn't doing enough, or I wasn't having an impact. I guess it's tough to see all the time when you're always moving around and have your hand in various projects and don't have the time to take a timeout to savor your efforts. Now, I can sit around and ponder "What would I do differently?" and "What do I need to make positive changes for students and my colleagues?" I'll definitely keep thinking, and I'll share my thoughts, hopefully tomorrow (wow, 2 posts in 1 week, aren't you as suprised as I am?)

I have to run to a going away party for a graduate intern who just got their first job. Hmmm...what advice could I give him? I'm glad I have a blog to reference to...

Learning to Fly - Post 26

2007-05-20T20:39:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"That's what a ship is, you know. It's not just a keel and a hull and a deck and sails, that's what a ship needs but what a ship is... what the Black Pearl really is... is freedom."
- Captain Jack Sparrow, Pirates of the Caribbean

Summer used to the be time for adventure, the time to celebrate your freedom. I remember the excitement of the last day of classes. Not so much anymore....

Okay, I'm once again being a drama queen. Summer's still pretty nice. First of all, it's nice out and that always puts me in a much better mood. Then, there's work but not as much. Now, when I get home at 5 PM (I don't think I've ever gotten home that early during the academic year), I'm actually done for the day and don't have three more evening meetings. Okay, there's still my to-do-lists (getting things ready for my living learning community for next year, taking care of some RHA stuff, preparing for Training Sessions for the Fall) and then, of course, the move. I haven't made it through one summer in the seven years I've spent in this country without having to move. Crazy, huh?

I've spent this weekend organizing/cleaning/packing. I doubt this'll be a surprise to anyone, but I have a really really hard time letting go of some things. I still have a bunch of door decs from undergrad, have my two favorite bulletin boards saved (even though I'll never be able to use them again) and lots of postcards, old calendars, pictures and and and. And of course that doesn't make moving any easier.

It is kinda nice though to come across all these old things when you're packing and to remember all the fun I had. Still, I'm not looking forward to next weekend when I actually have to move. Well, this weekend was somewhat productive and if I get a few more things done this weekend, it shouldn't be too painful.

So last year, I came up with this fabulous list of goals for the summer and I did a decent job at trying to accomplish them. So here we go with my list for this summer:

* Re-read all the Harry Potter Books and mentally prepare for the release of Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows. I know, this may sound weird, but seriously, Harry Potter's played such a huge part in my life these past few year that the release of the last book will be a quite emotional event for me. So I'm allowing myself to really get into the hype around this Harry Potter summer; from the countdown for the movie and the book on my computer to checking Mugglenet.com on a daily basis to reading all the books again (I've actually spent quite a lot of time trying to figure out when I should start reading them; because I don't want to get done too early but I also can't afford not getting through all of them...so maybe 6 weeks before the release? This is a tough decision!).

* Get in shape again. I'm going to try and set some more realistic goals this summer though: I'm planning on working out at least three times a week. I can do three times. Sometimes, I'm just too tired at night after work; and there's no way I'd ever get up early in the morning; but three days a week are doable.

* Organize some of my old files and documents; preferably even type some up, so that I can keep electronic copies instead of all those papers. Hey, that'd even make moving easier in the future! ;)

* Get ready for next year: I'm working on this pre-test that I want students in my living learning community to take, as well as a newsletter (that will include the link to the pre-test) that'll be sent out prior to them coming to campus, a type of residential curriculum for my living learning community, a leadership portfolio program and and and. Yeah, I won't get bored this summer.... But hopefully all the hard work will pay off and maybe even make next semester a little less stressful.

* Have some fun and treat myself to something once in a while. I'm thinking about a Carvel ice cream cake...hmmmm...for some reason I've had a craving lately...lol. But I also want to do some other fun things...maybe just lay out in the sun one afternoon or drive somewhere and do something. We'll see; but I clearly don't want to spend the entire summer locked into my apartment.

I think that's it...at least everything I can think of right now. And it's also way past my bedtime (since office hours start at 7:30 AM here in the summer...CRAZINESS!!!).
Hopefully, next time I post, I'll be able to report that I have finished moving and have managed not to break anything. And hopefully, I'll also ahve seen the third Pirates of the Caribbean movie (I'll definitely take a break from moving for that...lol).

Learning To Fly - Post 25

2007-05-12T16:08:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
“Follow effective action with quiet reflection. From the quiet reflection will come even more effective action.”
- Peter F. Drucker

Today was one of those nice, lazy days. I woke up late, stayed in bed for a while and read ("What is the What" by Dave Eggers...pretty good book so far), then had a late breakfast, called my family, read some more, watched some TV, read some more, downloaded a couple songs (legally, of course...i paid for the downloads and all), checked my e-mail, checked my Facebook, read some more. It was one of those days that is pretty nice as you're going through it but at the end of the day, you'll ask yourself, "Where did today go? What did I do all day?"

Oh yeah, I also looked at my blog from last year, when I was going through the job search. Wow, I was quite the drama queen...haha. It's really weird looking back at these posts now. I can still remember the emotional rollercoaster, but it seems so far away, like it wasn't really me who was going through all that. I have a very selective memory (I'm serious...this is the only way I can explain this)...I generally only remember the good things; or I make the mediocre things a lot better in my memory. Once they're in the past, things just don't seem that bad to me anymore. Not sure if that's a good or bad thing.

Anyway, I cracked myself up reading what I was thinking last year, especially when it came to my job offer and what I anticipated my first year at this institution to be like.
So let's do some reflecting...

1) I thought I'd have a lot more free time and that I'd have a life again.
Hmmm, not really. Haha. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm just a hopeless workaholic. But this year was definitely a lot more stressful than I anticipated it to be. I rarely noticed that I wasn't taking classes anymore. I didn't really have time to think about it.
This job is stressful...and I know my colleagues would agree. Okay, some of them are definitely better able to find a balance and to have a life outside of work. And I know, partially, it's my own fault. I just can't turn my brain off. I'll come back to my apartment and watch some TV show but in the back of my head I'm still thinking about the job and about what I need to accomplish the next day and what I want to do differently and and and. I constantly make to-do-lists in my head. I think about different community development models. I ponder if I could have handled a situation better. I wonder how my staff is doing and if I am supporting them enough. How do you turn off your brain?
You say, I could think about different things. Yeah, I do, sometimes. I think about my friends from home, remember the fun times we had, write e-mails and read theirs finding out about what's going on in their lives...but being so far apart, I can only think about them so much. Then, I think about Harry Potter and what will happen in Book 7. I can obsess about it for hours, reading Fan Web sites, analysing various theories, coming up with my own theories, looking up paragraphs in old books to see if my theories could work, rereading the books in general, taking funny Harry Potter quizzes online and and and. But again, you can only do that for so long. So then I start thinking about the jo again....
Yeah, I know I need to learn how to have a life again. That was my goal last summer and this year. I failed. So I guess I'll have to work on that again next year.
But you know, sometimes I just really enjoy spending time with my students (RAs or RHA or even some of my residents) so much more than hanging out with other professional staff members (and I don't really know anyone who doesn't work here, so it's either them or my students), ...
I don't know. It's just not that easy. But I'll work on it, I promise.

2) I thought I'd fit in well with the staff here and make some good friends.
Hmmm, again, didn't really happen. I guess first impressions from a one-day campus interview don't tell you everything...haha...big surprise.
There's a few amazing individuals I've met and that I really enjoy spending time with. But not that many. And there's definitely been a lot of times when I felt pretty lonely and isolated. I just didn't feel like I fit in with many of the other staff members. I wasn't really interested in spending my time with the things they were doing. Okay, I probably also didn't make the best effort at reaching out to others and asking them to hang out; and in terms I wasn't often asked to come along. But then again, sometimes I just enjoyed spending time with my staff and students much more than hanging out with other professional staff.
Oh well, there'll be a lot of new staff members next year...maybe I'll find some friends then...and at least, one of the staff members I really enjoyed hanging out with is staying in the area (even though she won't be working here)...so hopefully we'll get to hang out next year.

3) I was so excited about working here and thought that I had found a school that fit my values and beliefs perfectly.
Well, perfect was maybe a little too much to ask for. There's a lot of things I like about working here. There is a lot of things I like about how we do things in this department. But there's also lots of things I don't like. Mostly, the politics in our department.
You know, I'm really starting to think that there isn't a "perfect" department out there for me. I don't think I'll ever like absolutely everything about a place I'll be working at. The question is just how much do I have to like about a place to be able to work there successfully and to be happy...
And there's enough here to make me feel like I can do that...at least for another year or two. As long as I have the opportunity to work with my student leaders and try some new things, I'll be okay.

Alright, enough rambling for today.

But here are some coming attractions... ;)
- setting goals for the summer (I did that last year and while I wasn't that successful at accomplishing all of them, it did help a little)
- reflecting upon what I've learned in my first year as a new professional (this seems to be the new question everyone's asking me)
- setting goals for next year, my second year as a new professional

Learning to Fly - Post 24

2007-05-09T10:41:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened."
- Dr. Seuss

Easier said than done. I'm one of these people, who hate saying goodbye. You'd think I'm good at it. I've left my hometown, my home country, my family, all my friends, everything I knew...twice actually...once in high school for a year (I was an exchange student), then again for college and that time for good (even though I wasn't sure at that time whether it was for good or not, but I kinda expected it to be...). It wasn't that hard back then. I was excited for the new things to come. To be honest, I couldn't wait to get out of there and start my own adventures. Start new, in a new place, with new people, doing things I'd never even heard about before.
Now, at times, I feel like my life is string of goodbyes, some harder than others but none of them really fun. That's when I have to remind myself that my life is also filled with hellos. Especially in our profession...working with a new staff each year (new professional staff members, supervisors, as well as new student staff members), meeting new residents and student leaders, and and and. But somehow it's easy to forget that and get stuck on the fact that we constantly have to say goodbye.

I just found out yesterday that one of my favorite coordinators is leaving our department. There's four coordinators in our department. Two of them are clearly my favorites (well, I also worked with them more than the others, so maybe I'm not being fair, but what's fair about having favorites anyway)...and those two, my two favorites, are leaving. As my RHA members would say, "Uh uh, not cool" (quote from the movie "Bring It On). Yeah, there'll be two new coordinators (hopefully...you never know how those searches go) but maybe they'll be fabulous, but you never know. And right now I just want to be a stubborn little kid that's whining and complaining and doesn't listen to logic and reasoning.

You know, it also makes me wonder. If these two coordinators, who obviously did a fabulous (fabulous is my new word by the way...it used to be amazing, then wonderful, now it's fabulous...i've noticed myself using it like ten times a day)...so anyway, if those two, who did a fabulous job (or otherwise they wouldn't be my favorites, of course), are leaving after just one year at this institution, shouldn't we ask ourselves "WHAT ARE WE DOING?" And maybe central staff is asking themselves that, but I don't know that for a fact, so of course I'm wondering.
I mean, there's two fabulous coordinators leaving after one year, there's three professional staff members leaving after just one year...yeah, we have a big department and there's always a lot of turnover, but we all know that you usually stick out a new job for at least two years...at least that's what I was told to do.

You know, sometimes I really wonder what central staff thinks. Here's another thing about working at a big institution: there's a lot of things you just don't know. I'm sure there's conversations going on (or at least I hope so), but it being such a big department, we, at the bottom of the totem pole (actually that'd be the grads...or the student staff members...but at least in terms of full-time professionals, we're down there), we just don't know about a lot of these things and then it's easy to think these things aren't happening. And it's not like I would need to know all the details of these conversations (I admit, I'm a naturally curious person, so I would want to know...but I'm realistic enough to realize that I don't need to know), it'd just be nice to know that there are conversations happening. Is that too much to ask for?

Okay, I'm done with my little vent session for the day. Some other time, I'll spend some quality time reflecting on what I've learned this first year and where I'm going from here. I just had my evaluation meeting with my fabulous coordinator (haha...i'm cracking myself up by saying "fabulous" every two seconds...I just said it to one of my office workers...I'm working with Orientation this summer...anyway, you all probably think I've gone insane...well, maybe I have)...but yeah, more about that some other time; once I've gotten over the large number of goodbye's I had to say in the past few days and will still have to say in the next couple weeks...Did I mention that I hate goodbyes?

Post 15-Tryin' to Get Paid

2007-05-08T12:52:00.000-07:00

Post 15 from Tryin' to Get Paid

I'm sitting here in my office, and it's eerily quiet. Yesterday was the last day of finals, and most students have already left for home, summer jobs, internships, and vacations to exotic locations (which I'm extremely jealous of). I finished my summer planning calendar, so I have all my tasks planned out for the summer. I know, I know, how ambitious of myself, but if I don't plan a calendar for all the things I need to get done, it'll be opening next August and I'll be rushing to get all my tasks done. I was also able to plan in vacation time (i.e. sitting on couch, watching baseball on TV, walks around the block to get fresh air) and when I'll be heading to summer conferences.

Commencement is on Saturday, and I'm really excited, for it's my first graduation at my new institution. From what I've heard, the ceremonies are vastly different than when I graduated last year. Our school has Scottish ties, so instead of "pomp and circumstance" there will be a bagpiper leading the procession, followed by faculty and students. And, being the liberal "bucking the system" school, graduations gowns are optional. I've been told by staff to be prepared to see students crossing the stage in shorts, t-shirt, and sandals, and being proud to do so. At first, I thought it would be silly to take part in a big event in casual clothing, but the more I thought about this place and it's environment, the more I could understand why so many seniors aren't buying the cap and gown and going for the Che Guevara t-shirt for commencement wear. It's part of the aura of attending this school, and I'm even thinking about attending the ceremony in a t-shirt and shorts...but for professionalism's sake, I'll go somewhat formal.

Well, I guess I should probably start reflecting (ugh...I still don't like that word) about my first year as a professional. Let's see what happened my first year:

-Involved in my first orientation
-Staffed my first protest (and subsequent incounter with semi-clothed protesting student and obviously irritated member of Board of Trustees)
-Used student development theory to diffuse situation involving drunk woman...on a Friday night...on the Light Rail Train coming back from a basketball game in downtown
-Handled my first major campus crisis incident involving several of the student organizations I advised
-Worked on task force to program non-alcoholic events on campus
-Staffed first annual founding celebration (and played bouncer to obviously inebriated students wanting more alcohol)
-Took part in intense discussions involving race and ethnicity with students, staff, and faculty
-Got involved in really heated talks with my colleagues about race and its impact on our work

I'm sure there's more things that happened this year that I just couldn't think about off the top of my head right now. When I get to thinking about what else I did, I'll let ya'll know.

Learning To Fly - Post 23

2007-04-28T22:03:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"Oh Harry, don't you see? If she could have done one thing to make absolutely sure that every single person in this school will read your interview, it was banning it!"
- Hermione Granger, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Yeah, I know I just posted on Thursday but I've been grading papers all day (for the Career Development course that I've volunteered to teach this semester...what was I thinking???) and I really need a break. So I filled out this survey that our department does for staff at the end of the year and that got me thinking...

One of the questions was about diversity and that made me think of some incidents that I've dealt with this past year. In the Fall semester, someone wrote the "N-word" really big and in permanent marker on the stairwell of one of my hallways. It was between the 2nd and 3rd floor on the South side of the buildling. And working at a very White institution, I knew that I didn't have any students of color in either one of those corridors. So I didn't think it was directed at anyone in particular; not that this makes it any less of a big deal, but it was something I wanted to consider when I decided how to approach the situation.
To be honest, I was pretty shocked and didn't really know what to do. I knew that at my undergrad, a relatively diverse and very liberal institutions, student activist would have taken a stand and would have made sure that this behavior was addressed publicly. Here, I was pretty sure my students wouldn't do anything like that. So it was up to me....
I thought about holding a mandatory all-hall meeting to address the incident. Then, I thought about what it would be like for my three Black students to sit in that meeting. I didn't want to single them out and make them feel even more uncomfortable. And what if by making it a big deal, I would encourage copycat actions. Or, let's be honest, how affective am i really as an administrator telling students NOT to do something. Telling them that I disagree with something is like telling them to do it (at least for some...I mean I don't think I'm as bad as Umbridge in Harry Potter but I also am not as delusional as to believe that all of my students actually listen to me). But I also didn't want to do nothing and make my students think that this behavior was acceptable. I wasn't sure if my students of color had seen the writing, but if they had, I wanted to make sure to send the message that this was not tolerated in our community.
We had never talked about these kind of incidents in training. We don't really have any protocol in how to address it. So here I was, confused and all on my own....
Well, here's what I ended up doing: I called the police and filed a report. They investigated and asked some of the students in the nearby hallways if they had any information. We had the writing removed as soon as the police had seen it and taken pictures of it.
Then, I organized some additional diversity training for my RA staff by having a presenter come to our staff meeting as well as go on an overnight retreat where we talked about the power of language.
But was that enough? Did we do the right thing?

I felt pretty good until about a week ago, one of my Hall Council members just casually mentions to me that the N-word is written on the wall in that very same hallway again. She said it'd been there for a while.
I went to check it out and it was very small - maybe why nobody had told me before - but definitely noticeable enough. The police just happend to be in my building (they were arresting a resident for smoking marihuana), so I went and talked to them. They said that filing a report really wouldn't do anything since most likely they wouldn't find anything anyway. They offered to help me remove it, but I figured I could do that on my mind - which was what I did right afterwards. I informed my supervisor, but knowing that the semester was almost over I didn't do anything else.
Should I have done something???

I really struggle at times with trying to educate students here about social justice, tolerance and acceptance. I feel like the things I did as an undergraduate wouldn't work here because they were geared toward a very liberal and already somewhat aware student body. Here, I would probably just turn people away with these methods.
My staff has mentioned to me more than once that they dislike how ResLife "pushes diversity down their throat." Staff has told me that they "don't believe in being gay." What do you say to that??? I've really had to change my approach with staff training from educating them about social justice to just getting them to the point of being supportive of others, wheter or not they "believe" in who these students are. I stil crinch everytime I hear the word "believing" in this context, but I fell like this is the best I could have done.

Okay, before I keep on rambling, here is the question I really wanted to raise: How much are we actually prepared as new professionals to work with that specific population of our campus?
I mean, I knew how to do ResLife before I came here. I knew how to do diversity education in a ResLife-context. But what I didn't realize was how different this education has to be based on your student popuatlion. I mean, I've heard people talk about but it just never hit home until I met my staff and students. And that was after training was over and I already felt unprepared and lost.
And since we know that as administrators we aren't always as effective in getting a message across as students/pers would be, what do we do to train our student staff to educate their peers about these issues? When our staff is already "sick" of diversity, do you really think they'll be effective in educating their residents?

Oh, so many questiosn and so few answers. We definitely still have a long way to go before being the "perfect" ResLife department, if there is something like a "perfect" department.

Learning To Fly - Post 22

2007-04-26T19:51:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day (actually excerpt from a poem):
"Some people come into our lives
and leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never ever the same."
- Flavia Weedn

About a year ago, an RHA President and Vice President handed me a copy of this poem. As I accepted the poem and beautiful flowers, I knew that while I may have left footprints on their hearts, they also left them on mine.

In Student Affairs, we talk so much about being developmental with your staff, making their leadership positions and jobs a "learning experience" for them, helping them grow and and and. But we rarely talk about what we can learn from them, how - whether they plan to or not - they are being "developmental" with us. And we never talk about how you handle this constant "saying-goodbye."

Last year saying goodbye was rough...but that was to be expected. I was leaving grad school, moving into the real world, not just leaving my student leaders. I guess I never thought about the fact that this "saying-goodbye" will continue to go on and on as I will continue to work in Student Affairs.

I wonder if it gets easier with the years. I don't really see some of my more seasoned colleagues go through these emotional rollercoasters at the end of each year. Or maybe they're just better at hiding it.

Enough about "saying goodbye:" I still have one week left with my staff.

You know, it's scary to think that next year, I'll be a "returner." This first year as a new professional just flew by. At the same time, it feels like I've always been here. Do you know that feeling?

Okay, somehow I keep getting sidetracked tonight. I've been looking up YouTube Videos of different Austrian shows (the musical Elisabeth and anything else that Uwe Kroeger was in). What was I talking about again?

Oh yeah, so this past year...
I was looking at pictures of earlier in the year (for the slideshow for my staff) and I just remember how we were all still shy and quiet around each other, still testing what we could and could not say...it's strange how in just one year you can become so close and comfortable around a group of people. Then again, we've spent plenty of time together. From all of our staff meetings that used to drag on and on because we just wouldn't shut up - to the staff retreats at the cabin or just having dinner together. And next year, it'll start all over again...

Okay, I feel like I'm just rambling tonight and I'm not really making sense. So I'm going to go, but I will post more again soon.

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 14

2007-04-21T21:07:00.000-07:00

Post 14 from Tryin' to Get Paid

My Mood: Tired

Well, another week has closed, and it's one week closer to the end of classes, and one more week closer until I can take some much needed vacation. So, I have been spending my freetime looking at the places I can visit...Orlando? Arizona? Mount Rushmore? LA? Seattle? It depends on my pocketbook, and right now it's saying my vacation will consist of laying on the couch, eating cold pizza and watching re-runs of Jerry Springer. But, I have to remember it's only my first year, and given some time I can take trips to those exotic locations.

Today was our campus' spring extravaganza, or as I call it, the "day of debauchery!" Since I work at a small liberal arts college, the institution has some more room to allow alcohol consumption during major events. This is new territory for me, since I studied and worked at a large public school where alcohol was seen as a substance to be avoided at all costs, due to liability issues and legal impacts. So, as the day approached, I was very wary of all the booze that would be flowing, and ready to play bouncer for all the students trying to sneak in cheap beer...

However, the event turned out to be pretty fun to be at, and there wasn't that much drunkeness as I thought. Everyone seemed to have a lot of fun and to be responsible. Granted, there were a few freshmen with fake ID's (not much effort was put into it...using White-Out on a passport didn't indicate creativity), and only one person was thrown out because he couldn't hold his liquor. I had to admit, I thought these students were habitual drunkards, but I was suprised at their control and maturity, and I have to give them credit.

Since there's only one week left in the school year, it's time for the final year wrapup at work. I'm finishing year-end reports and finalizing my budget reports. Also, all my organizations are having closing banquets, so I'm eating pretty well, and my pants are getting a little tighter. Speaking of that, it's time for another banquet, so I've gotta run. It's frijoles and tostones tonight, and I'm hungry...

Tryin' to Get Paid-Post 13

2007-04-15T15:12:00.000-07:00

Post 13 from Tryin' to Get Paid

It has been a long time since I've posted, and for a good excuse, I offer...life. Things have been pretty heavy since I last wrote, and I've been immersed in a lot of campus politics. Since I do campus activities and multicultural services, I've been pulled in two directions, trying to split my time evenly so that I don't short the other arena I hold responsibilities in. Add on top of that a less than sympathetic staff I work with daily, I'm really stressed out and tired. Oh, by the way, it's the end of the semester, and all my student organizations are trying to finish up their end of the year programs. They all want food and other things for their events (so my purchasing card is almost maxed out) and their advisor to attend (I'm barely standing upright). I'm doing my best to keep my head up and be positive, but it is becoming a challenge every day. Today, I got some good advice from my supervisor, cautioning me to take time for myself, so I'm trying to get my work done early, head home, and get some much needed rest.

On top of this...yesterday's scene at Virginia Tech was sobering and shocking at the same time. When I first heard of the shooting, I initially thought it was an isolated incident. But when I was listening to the radio in my office, and the report of multiple casualties came in, I had to stop working and pray. My mind started racing, thinking of my institution's security procedures (or lack thereof) and what to do in an emergency procedures, but then I had to slow my mind down, and focused on my fellow student affairs colleagues at VT and their entire community, and send them my thoughts and prayers. I spent the rest of the day talking to students and colleagues, trying to make sense of the madness. And, I hoped that the rest of the world wouldn't look at VT as a scene of carnage, but as a great institution of higher education with a well-regarded reputation of serving students and educating our future leaders, that will heal together and grow from Monday's events.

For my colleagues at Virginia Tech...stay strong Hokies. You've got a East Coast guy (and long-time VT football fan) thinking of you. If you need anything, just shout; you'll have a whole profession of caring folks ready to lend you a hand, including this guy simply tryin' to get paid.

Learning To Fly - Post 21

2007-04-14T21:56:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"You know you're too big of a fan when...
Before getting up to get something, you always try to summon it first. Accio TV remote!"
- Mugglenet.com

It's my birthday today. I've been 25 for an hour and 6 minutes. And I've already celebrated my birthday in my very own fashion....had some vanilla ice cream, played a Harry Potter Trivia Game online and read through some new articles on Mugglenet.com. Yes, I am obsessed...haha. And I have tried to summon things before..."Accio laptop." And whenever I see mistletoe now, I think, "Careful, it's infested with nargles" and then I giggle to myself. Yeah, people probably thought I was crazy walking around Wal-Mart in December.
Hey, you gotta stay young when you want to work with college students for the rest of your life.
But back to the fact that it's my birthday (did you know that Harry Potter's birthday is on July 31st, 1980...that means he's actually two years older than me...crazy, huh? and hermione was born on Sept. 19, 1979...which means she's older than my sister)...

Two of my RAs stopped by earlier today because they weren't sure if it was my birthday today (well, then yesterday) or tomorrow (now today)...and they wanted to be the first to say happy birthday. One of them came back about 10 minutes after midnight to wish me a happy birthday. SO CUTE! I love my staff!!!
The RHA Executive Board had a transition dinner on Friday and they got me a cake and sang to me. It was so sweet!!! Is anyone still surprised that I love my students and spend way too much time with them? They're just awesome.

Sometimes I worry though...because I know some of my supervisors think I'm too close with my students. I really don't think I am. I spend a lot of time with them...my RAs know they can knock on my door whenever (if it is for help with dealing with an incident, a random questions, something personal or just to say hi), the RHA Exec Boards knows they can IM me even if it's past midnight (only if I'm awake and online obviously...but usually I am)...but I keep that professional line; I mean, if they're breaking the rules (e.g. if they drink underage...which we all know happens, let's just be honest), they can't talk about it in front of me and I better not find out; they know I'm not going to the bar with them; they know I sometimes have to use my official "boss" or "advisor" voice and put my foot down; and I know there's a lot of things I can't talk to them about; but that doesn't mean we can't have a personal connection and have fun together, does it?

Sometimes I think, if I had more friends in the area or a partner or a family, it'd be different. But the way things are, my choice is between hanging out in my apartment by myself (which generally means either watching TV or reading a book or maybe being on the phone with a friend or IMing someone) or hanging out with my students. No wonder, my students often win...or at least I never mind going to a dinner or doing an extra staff development activity or something like that. As nice as it is being in the apartment by yourself, it also gets boring quickly. And especially on your birthday, you kind of want to be around people who like you...so I'm definitely not going to miss the NRHH Inductions tomorrow (or actually later today). It's not like I have anything else to do, right?

You know, birthdays really aren't as exciting anymore as they used to be. No more birthday cake that my mom made; no more sleepover parties with my three best friends; no more surprises (gifts are now "just" money...not that money is a bad thing...it's greatly appreciated...but somehow the surprise and excitement is gone).
I doesn't help that this year, I'm not feeling well at all. My throat hurts and I probably have a fever (don't feel like checking, so I'm just going to assume). I've been lying on my couch all day watching TV and playing around on my laptop. I cough; I sneeze; it's not fun. :(
If it hadn't been for my RHA Exec Board and my RAs, I'd say this birthday is quite dreadful...but they managed to save it and give me at least some happy birthday memories. And then again, it's only 1 AM and I still have another 11 hours to make some happy birthday memories.

I'll let you know how that goes....

Learning To Fly - Post 20

2007-04-04T20:42:00.000-07:00

Quote of the Day:
"There is real magic in enthusiasm. It spells the difference between mediocracy and accomplishment."
- Anonymous

I love conferences. There's nothing like spending several intense days with thousands of excited colleagues, sharing ideas, learning about best practices and new research, meeting new people... You get back so energized and excited. And you remember again why you were interested in this field and why you love this work.

I just came back from the ACPA/NASPA Joint Meeting and I had a fabulous time.
Many of the sessions I went to were very interesting and I picked up some good ideas for my new living learning community for next year. Five former grad students from my cohort were also there, as well as a lot of other colleagues, and it was great to connect again. And then the Dance and the Drag Show...
What else could a girl want? J/K. I know it's really about the sessions and not about the social aspects, but let's be honest, those social things are also great. :) And we all deserve a break once in a while and to just have fun.

I definitely enjoyed the conference a lot more than last year, when I was job searching. Let's be honest, last year I didn't really go to the conference...I was at placement. This year, I actually got to enjoy and experience the different aspects of placement. It helped that I wasn't on the recruitment team for my school...because I don't think my colleagues really got to attend many sessions and get much out of the conference.

I volunteered for Placement one day (Oh how wonderful it was to be on the other side...I wrote cards to the grads from my graduate program going through placement as well as the grads from my current institution...after all, I remember the anxiety and pain well enough); participated in sessions for the directorate body of the commission that I was recently elected to (lots of new things to learn but again, very interesting...I'm still not 100 percent sure how this will all shape out but I'm excited and I've met a lot of great colleagues and that's what matters, right?); and like I said before went to sessions and lots of socials.
I even presented a roundtable together with the program coordinator from my grad program and two other new professionals. It went really well...we had lots of people come (way more than we thought) and they seemed to really enjoy it. It was great! I was so nervous and anxious before (even though I tried to play it off)...after all I had never presented at a national conference...and a joint meeting...I still can't really believe I did that. Crazy! It's like I said in my last post...sometimes you just try to catch up with what's happened to you. Like being an adult...or a new professional...or someone who has presented a roundtable at a Joint Meeting...haha.

Okay, I need to get some sleep soon, but one more quick thing...
So I loved the Joint Meeting thing. I know it was huge, which made logistics challenging...and the food was way too expensive! But it was just nice seeing everyone there and not having to a make a choice for once. And I'm also a big advocate for combining the two organization. I mean, they both do the same thing, so why do they have to be separate? I know there are some philosophical differences, many structural differences and and and...but in the end, both organizations are here to support and educate Student Affairs Professionals. And wouldn't we have a much stronger voice, if we all worked together in one big organization?
And let's be honest, I don't think anyone would complain if we only had to pay one membership fee, right?