Jane Austen Today

Andrew Davies – Bonnet Drama King of the World Honored by the WGGB

2009-11-30T20:34:00.006-05:00

Screenwriter Andrew Davies has been honored with a lifetime achievement award by the Writers' Guild of Great Britain. Quite an honor for the bonnet drama King of the UK – and the world.

Davies can thank Jane Austen for really putting the shine on his career. I still think that after fifteen years his adaptation of Pride and Prejudice still reigns supreme primarily because he did not muck about with Austen’s dialogue or plot too much and he had five hours to unfold the narrative. Having Mr. Darcy dive into the Pemberley pond did not hurt matters either, even though it was completely his invention.

The BBC announced last January that they had axed future plans for bonnet drama's in favor of contemporary fare. Davies has expressed his opinion decidely about period drama's going downmarket. None-the-less, he is presently working on a new screenplay for Middlemarch which he previously adapted in 1994. Now that the BBC has put a nix on future bonnet dramas, he must feel like a man without a country, forced to rehash a novel that he dramatised before. How sad and a bloody waste of talent. I think that the BBC has lost their heads and are running scared, hoping to appeal to a different audience. I hope that they find their footing again before Davies is gone. I am still patiently waiting for a great adaptation of Quality Street, anything by Fanny Burney, Maria Edgeworth or Georgette Heyer and top on my list is Lady Susan. What great classics would you like to see on tellie?

Congrats Andie! Thanks for the hours of great entertainment.

Cheers, Laurel Ann, Austenprose

Jane Austen Movie Throwdown

2009-11-29T09:01:00.012-05:00

There's something about men in uniform that warms the cockles of my heart. While Jane Austen did not write about the battles raging in Europe, she did include regimental men and sailors in her novels. This week we ask you to consider the uniforms worn by two of her heroes and choose:

The hero in uniform I like best (Part 1)

Alan Rickman as Colonel Brandon in Sense and Sensibility, 1995

Ciaran Hinds as Captain Wentworth, Persuasion 1996

Please note: Next week you will be asked to choose for your favorite Mr. Wickham in uniform.

Happy Thanksgiving to All

2009-11-27T06:53:00.002-05:00

Today is a holiday for Laurel Ann and Vic. We both send you our special Thanksgiving wishes.

Laurel Ann writes about a Thankful Sense of Jane Austen's Prayers.

Vic covers Family Meals, Regency Style

May you have a safe and happy holiday!

A Darcy Before I Die - Nuff Said!

2009-11-25T18:36:00.007-05:00

A Darcy Before I Die - An ode by Aussie Ronnie Tahney to our favorite iconic romantic hero. No qualms from his corner on that!

Complements of Austenesque author Enid Wilson's blog Hot and Steamy. Oh thanks Enid, you made my week!

Cheers, Laurel Ann, Austenprose

Austen Shopaholic – Sense and Sensibility featured in ‘The Books on Film Collection’

2009-11-25T16:14:00.010-05:00

Need a great holiday gift or treat for yourself? Barnes and Noble Booksellers have just released The Books on Film Collection featuring six great classic movies paired with a new edition of the classic novel that it was adapted from. The highlight of the collection for me is of course director Ang Lee’s 1995 film Sense and Sensibility staring Emma Thompson (Elinor Dashwood), Kate Winslet (Marianne Dashwood) and co-staring Alan Rickman (Col Brandon), Hugh Grant (Edward Ferrars) and Greg Wise (John Willoughby). The DVD of the movie and a new edition of the book are presented in a beautifully designed box set and would make the perfect Janeite holiday gift.

Also included in the collection are such literary and movie classics as Kenneth's Branagh's 1994 film Mary Shelley's Frankenstein, Gillian Armstrong’s 1994 film Little Women, Sidney Lanfield's brooding and atmospheric 1939 adaptation of The Hound of the Baskerville and Martin Scorsese’s 1993 powerfully romantic film The Age of Innocence.

For a limited time each boxed set in the collection is $13.48, or if you can’t choose just one, then buy the entire collection as a set for $53.95. Such a deal for six classic movies and novels that will supply many hours of enjoyment.

Cheers, Laurel Ann, Austenprose

Colin Firth Thinks He's Too Old to Be A Sex Symbol! NAH

2009-11-24T18:29:00.005-05:00

Colin quote of the week from Hello Magazine when asked if he is still a sex symbol at 49.

"I think I'm getting a bit old for that stuff now, aren't I? I suppose that because of the profession I'm in, I do get a certain amount of attention that I probably would not get if I had not been known. I certainly wouldn't get the attention I get if I hadn't been on screen."

Sooo humble! He probably would not have admited his sex appeal in 1995 either, even though half the world swooned when he jumped in a lake in Pride and Prejudice!

Jane Austen Movie Throwdown

2009-11-22T00:05:00.004-05:00

Persuasion's Sir Walter Elliot was a vain and pretentious buffoon. Jane Austen showed how he squandered the Elliot fortune to prop up his vanity and extravagant lifestyle. Nothing penetrated his thick cocoon of self-absorption, not his dead wife's common sense, his destitute situation, or the sound advice of Mrs. Russell, a family friend and Anne Elliot's mentor. After years of profligate spending, the baronet was forced to rent out Kellynch Hall and hire rooms in Bath, a once fashionable city that had faded in popularity with the Ton. In moving to Bath instead of London, Sir Walter opted to become a glittering fish in a dull, invalid-riddled pond. By renting out his ancestral home, he proved to the world that he did not deserve the respect he felt was his by birthright.

Which actor portrayed Sir Walter Elliot best?

Corin Redgrave, Persuasion 1995

Anthony Head, Persuasion 2007

Six Reasons for Janeites to Watch An Education

2009-11-21T10:57:00.017-05:00

1. Because Carey Mulligan (Pride and Prejudice 2005) is said to be outstanding in this film. The role has made her a break-out star. Sensitive, clever, and intelligent films are few and far between. They save the film industry from catering primarily to young males, whose appetites for Transformers, Saw, and 2012 are insatiable.

2. Because Emma Thompson (Sense and Sensibility), the school's head mistress, is in it. 'Nuff said.

3. Because Olivia Williams (Emma, Miss Austen Regrets), who plays a teacher, is a beautiful and intelligent actress whose roles are few and far between.

4. Because Alfred Molina, the father, and Peter Sarsgaard, the older suitor, are always excellent.

5. Because Dominic Cooper (Sense and Sensibility, 2008) is becoming a reliable staple in good films.

6. Because Rosamund Pike's (Pride and Prejudice, 2005) appearances on the big screen, like Olivia Williams', are all too rare.

Posted by Vic, Jane Austen's World

Sense and Sensibility and Harry Potter

2009-11-18T23:29:00.004-05:00

Q. Which six actors from the 1995 adaptation of Sense and Sensibility directed by Ang Lee have been featured in the Harry Potter movies? If you can list them, you are indeed a true Austen/Potter movie buff. Answer to be posted tomorrow.

This pop quiz is brought to you by Jane Austen Film Adaptations Locations page at Sara Eastle Locations: the good folks who represent thousands of historic homes in England available for the next movie or television show that you are producing.

Visit the locations used in several Jane Austen movies and thousands more at their beautiful website.

A. The six actors in S&S '95 who were also in Harry Potter movies are...

Alan Rickman: Col. Christopher Brandon/Professor Severus Snape
Emma Thompson: Elinor Dashwood/Professor Sybil Trelawney
Robert Hardy: Sir John Middleton/Cornelius Fudge
Imelda Staunton: Charlotte Palmer nee Jennings/Dolores Umbridge
Gemma Jones: Mrs. Dashwood/Madame Pumfrey
Elizabeth Spriggs: Mrs. Jennings/Fat Lady

Great job to those who answered.

Lucy Ferrars writes Elinor Ferrars a Letter

2009-11-17T00:14:00.002-05:00

Dear readers: In celebration of the publication of Willoughby's Return, Jane Odiwe and I have decided to resurrect our posts as Jane Austen characters. Recently, Lucy Ferrars (aka Vic) wrote Elinor Ferrars (aka Jane). The letter set in motion a host of conflicting feelings within Elinor, who was forced to make a decision ...

My Dear Mrs. Ferrars, (or may I call you Elinor now that we have been SISTERS for more years than I care to admit!)

I write seemingly out of the blue, for I have been the poorest of correspondents. Unfortunately, my duties as Mrs. Robert Ferrars keep me too busy to attend to this important duty as MATRIARCH of the family (now that Mrs. Ferrars, that dearest of mama-in-laws, has been laid to rest). Be assured that I have managed to apprise myself of both your and Rev. Ferrars’ well-being through Mrs. Jennings’s cheery correspondence and through my association with Mrs. John Dashwood, whose conversations have been nothing short of ENLIGHTENING.

First, let me extend my felicities on the INCREASE of your family. How you are able to accommodate the addition of even one child, much less two, given Rev. Ferrars’ modest income, astonishes me. Your methods of economy are laudable, for I assuredly could not have contrived to be comfortable with twice the amount of his living, and yet somehow you have managed.

The purpose of my inquiry is this: It has come to my attention that Colonel Brandon is frequently away from home and that during his current absence, Mr. and Mrs. Willoughby have ARRIVED IN TOWN to settle Mrs. Smith’s estate. Pray tell, how is Mrs. Brandon bearing up under this new development? Is there aught I can do to help the situation, for she must be torn twixt her unresolved feelings towards her former lover and a husband whose attentions are ELSEWHERE? Pray, tell me how I can be of service to you or Mrs. Brandon.

My sincere well wishes to you, Rev. Ferrars, and your dear children. If you would be so kind as to extend my courtesies to Colonel Brandon, Mrs. Middleton and Mrs. Jennings, I would be most obliged. T’would save the cost of franking additional letters, and as you have discovered firsthand, a penny saved is a penny earned.

Ever your servant,
Lucy, Mrs. Robert Ferrars

Elinor read the letter twice through. Lucy’s relationship by marriage to Edward’s brother Robert did make her a relation, but the address of sister; she felt more than a little wanting. Lucy had made it perfectly clear from the start that Elinor held no interest for her apart from being the means by which she might be invited to the Mansion house. For her own part Elinor must admit to being ashamed that the feelings she harboured of intolerance and prejudice towards Lucy were not those that a clergyman’s wife should possess, struggling with her feelings towards the woman who had once captured her husband’s heart. But, she kept her thoughts to herself and did her utmost to keep them under regulation whilst determining to behave with due civility.

Unlike Lucy, Elinor had written regularly to her sister-in-law and her husband informing them in a general and friendly way of the news from Delaford Rectory and the Mansion house. It had never surprised Elinor that Lucy had ignored her letters, and that in the last five years Robert and Lucy had only come to Delaford once shortly after they were all married. Lucy had made no secret of the fact that she found the rectory too cramped and too plain for her taste. There had been some amusement in listening to Lucy’s plans for its improvement. Her suggestions of verandahs on two sides, and a large extension complete with bow windows festooned in lace and brocade had brought a smile to Elinor’s lips, not to mention biting them as she received her advice on colour schemes, empire fripperies and new-fangled lamps. Lucy’s taste reflected the mode of the day whereas Elinor felt far more comfortable with dear, familiar objects from the past arranged with more thought to comfort than to fashion. A chair from her father’s study held pride of place in the parlour along with his writing slope arranged on Edward’s desk. The set of her mother’s breakfast china given on the occasion of their marriage sparkled in the glass-fronted cabinet that had been in the drawing room at Norland and the walls glowed with paintings executed by the mistress of Delaford Rectory during her courtship. Colonel Brandon had been very generous but as a gentleman sensitive to the feelings of others, his interventions had been made only where he felt he could be of use without offence. The rectory was very comfortable though luxuries were few, but all who entered the house felt charmed. It was true, Reverend and Mrs. Ferrars enjoyed a modest income, but what they lacked in material wealth, they more than made up for in the accumulation of other, less worldly goods. Their fortune was founded on the simple pleasures that days spent in worthwhile service to their community bring, and in the love, respect and admiration each held for the other.

Elinor sat down in her father’s chair to stroke the scrolled arms as she had often seen him do as he sat lost in thought musing over a problem. How was she to answer this letter? Could it possibly be true that the Willoughby’s had returned to the neighbourhood or was Lucy bent on making mischief as usual? And if it were true – Elinor did not want to think about the possibility. Surely Mr.Willoughby would not wish to live so closely to her mother and Margaret where the likelihood of running into them might be a daily occurrence. No, impossible, that surely could not be! Besides, she had heard nothing of the matter and she was certain if Marianne had known of it, she would have confided in her. Elinor folded the letter and consigned it to the flames roaring in the grate deciding it would be best if she simply refuted the whole affair assuring Lucy that she must be quite mistaken.

Inquiring reader, stay tuned for the next installment of Jane and Vic's exchange as Jane Austen characters.

Read our Lydia and Lucy letters from 2008 at this link.

Visit Jane's blog, Jane Austen Sequels at this link.

Update on Jennifer Ehle

2009-11-16T09:46:00.006-05:00

As this week's throwdown attests, Jennifer Ehle's characterization of Elizabeth Bennet is as popular as ever. The exciting news is that shooting on the new film, The King's Speech, will reunite Jennifer with Colin Firth. Yes they are to star in the same film, but will be married to different partners. Jennifer has just finished production on A Game of Thrones, and has signed to appear in Mr. & Mrs. Fitch, will will begin shooting in January.

Between her appearances onstage and becoming a new mother, Jennifer has been a busy actress indeed. One suspects she will have a long career, for she seems to choose her parts wisely.

For more about Jennifer's new films, click on this link to Jennifer Ehle (Still Made of Awesome)

Read more about the film at this Broadway World site

Jane Austen Movie Throwdown

2009-11-15T10:43:00.004-05:00

We've offered many polls about Jane Austen movie adaptations, but none centered around costumes. Instead of a blanket question, I will hone in on specific costumes. This week we return to that most reliable of JA staples, Pride and Prejudice, more specifically, Elizabeth Bennet. In your estimation,

whose day gowns were the best?

Elizabeth Garvie in Pride and Prejudice 1980

Jennifer Ehle in Pride and Prejudice 1995

Keira Knightley in Pride and Prejudice 2005

Gemma Arterton, Lost in Austen

Willoughby's Return by Jane Odiwe, A Review

2009-11-13T04:57:00.013-05:00

Humans are complex creatures. We are all multidimensional, like the characters that Jane Austen created in her delightful novels. Take Willoughby, the handsome cad from Sense and Sensibility. At the end of Jane Austen’s tale, he expressed his love for Marianne to Elinor, even though he had become engaged to another woman . The reader, sensing his regret, almost feels sorry for him, for he had exchanged his dearest possession for empty coin.

Jane Odiwe’s novel, Willoughby’s Return, centers around Willoughby’s reappearance in Marianne life. But which man does she write about? The scoundrel or the romantic hero with the complicated emotions? Jane O. does not reveal this important bit of information until the very end of her tale. Marianne, although three years older, married, and the mother of a small son, is still as volatile as ever - sensitive, romantic, and impressionable. She has fallen deeply in love with her husband. Although their marriage is sensual and the Colonel spoils her, Marianne has become suspicious of her William. His obligations to his ward, Eliza and her daughter, call him away frequently. When Willoughby reenters her life, as handsome and attractive as ever, Marianne has become unsure of her husband's affections and is feeling vulnerable.

Adding richness to the plot of Willoughby Returns is the tale of Margaret, Marianne's and Elinor's youn sister. Now seventeen years old, she plays the other central role in this novel, in which the happily married Elinor takes a back seat and is barely glimpsed. Margaret experiences her own romance with dashing Henry Lawrence, William Brandon's nephew.

Like Jane Austen, Jane Odiwe is spare in her descriptions of the characters, but unlike Jane A., she is free with her depiction of an age long gone, of market days and vegetable stalls and flowers in a meadow. An artist as well as a writer, Jane O.'s details of scenery and village life are vivid. She has no need to imitate Jane A.'s writing style and in this, her second novel, is developing a keen style of her own. Favorite characters like Mrs. Jennings are revisited, and Lucy Steele (now Ferrars) and her sister Anne also make a reappearance. Jane O's plot has its twists and turns, the suspense coming from the characters' actions, which comes to a satisfying conclusion only after several misunderstandings are cleared up.

Readers who love Jane Austen sequels will find this charming book a more than satisfying read. I give it three out of three Regency fans.

Posted by Vic, Jane Austen's World

Cool, Gray and Gorgeous: Colin Firth Arrives at the Premiere of "A Single Man" in LA

2009-11-12T03:01:00.007-05:00

No words needed really. The photo of Colin Firth arriving at the premiere of his new film "A Single Man" in LA on Thursday just says way more than I could ever hope to express. *SWOON* His fashion designer turned director Tom Ford must have had a hand in selecting that awesome ensemble. Colin looks confident, collected and ready to win an Oscar.

Check out the full photo gallery of the AFI premiere at the Huntington Herald Dispatch. More Colin and the cast.

Can't wait to see the movie myself and talk about Colin through the award ceremonies in February. Squee!

Laurel Ann, Austenprose

(AP Photos/Chris Pizzello)

Giggly Austen quote of the week

2009-11-12T01:09:00.000-05:00

Oh my – this made me more than giggle! Guardian writer Tanya Gold saw the new Keats bio-pic Bright Star over the weekend, dropped her popcorn, and then remembered why Hollywood should stop making films about our great writers. Among mention of the highlights of past blunders were Hugh Grant and his handkerchief in Impromptu (1991), Renee Zellwegger’s and her pout in Beatrix Potter (2006) and one rippingly funny analogy of a recent Austen bio-pic:

And it isn't just Keats who gets monstered. Do you remember Becoming Jane (2007)? "Society expected her to marry," said the unforgettable trailer, "but Jane Austen had ideas of her own." You think? Austen was played by Anne Hathaway, a skeletal actress with a big smug grin. If Austen had looked like her, she would never have written a word – she would have been staring in a mirror, saying, "I am hot, I am smoking, I am babelicious." I remember the anger still. I remember thinking, Hollywood has raped Jane Austen. They have turned the patron saint of celibates into a hottie. Austen's writing was incidental, a stuck-on accident that unfortunately had to be mentioned. "What is Jane doing?" asks a character. "Writing," was the reply.

That’s right. Our doe eyed babelicious Jane. Such a hottie.

I had mixed feeling about Becoming Jane. It was a good movie, but had little to do with the Jane Austen I knew and loved. Unlike writer Tanya Gold, I do appreciate a good bio-pic on writers and artists – or at least want to – I just can’t think of any!!! Can anyone remind me of what I have forgotten? Which movies do you fondly remember that did not spoil your vision of what one of your fav’s life should be? I am hard pressed for an example!

Cheers, Laurel Ann, Austenprose

Kate Beaton, Historic (and Hysterical) Comics

2009-11-11T18:13:00.004-05:00

This random generator scrolls through Kate Beaton's comics, including several of Jane Austen, one of the Bronte sisters, and several of Queen Victoria. If you haven't seen Kate's cartoons, you're in for a treat! Click here and then click on next or random.

Emma Sachets

2009-11-10T22:22:00.006-05:00

Is it too early to consider gifts for the holidays? I found these Jane Austen sachets and will probably order a few sets for my book club. Won't these look cute on a tree? Or hanging from a door knob or drawer pull?

Each sachet features a Brock illustration from Emma. Included in this set are: "Emma's Heartache," "Playing Matchmaker," and "The Ever Interesting Mrs. Elton." The sachets are made of muslin and scented with rose essential oil. A set of three costs $12.00

To order, go to this link at 1000 markets.

Posted by Vic, Jane Austen's World

Georgian Era Houses in England are Haute

2009-11-09T12:45:00.001-05:00

Recently, Steventon House in Basingstoke, Hampshire was put on the market for sale. It has quite a pedigree. It was built as a rectory for the parish church in 1820 by Jane Austen’s brother Edward to replace her birthplace, Steventon Rectory, which was not considered well situated, required extensive repairs, and was not quite swank enough for his son William Knight who was taking over the parish duties from his cousin Henry Austen, Jane’s brother. Sadly, Jane Austen’s birthplace was demolished and all that remains today is the water pump. So, if you have £4.5 million sitting around collecting dust in your library, Steventon House with 51 acres, a cottage, a carriage house, tennis courts, swimming pool and extensive gardens could be yours – but don’t procrastinate. According to the London Times, buyers have been queuing up for the opportunity. It appears that Georgian properties in England are haute and a great investment if you can afford it. If I had my druthers, I would buy one too.

Cheers, Laurel Ann, Austenprose

Jane Austen Movie Throwdown

2009-11-08T08:27:00.006-05:00

Today's throwdown concentrates on Elizabeth Bennet's best friend, Charlotte Lucas in Pride and Prejudice. Much older than her friend, Charlotte decides on a course of action that Elizabeth does not comprehend: Marrying a twit.

How any self-respecting woman could place herself in the position of life long mate to Mr. Collins is a puzzle to Elizabeth, who cannot completely forgive Charlotte for compromising her principles. Charlotte's decision must have been common in Jane's day: To take the first man who comes along or face a life living as a second class citizen in someone else's house, always taking someone else's orders and never having the freedom to make one's own choices. Mr. Collins proposal, which Charlotte worked hard for, was her first opportunity to become mistress of her own house, have some standing in life, and raise a family. Charlotte knew that because of her age and lack of good looks, no other offers would come her way, and so her brain said yes, even though her heart was not involved.

Which actress in your opinion played Charlotte best? This is a tough choice, I know, for Charlotte is often not given much screen time.

Which Actress Played Charlotte Lucas Best?

Karen Morley, 1940 P&P and Irene Richard, 1980 P&P

Lucy Scott, 1995 P&P; Claudie Blakley, 2005 P&P, or Michelle Duncan, Lost in Austen

Bright Star

2009-11-07T16:11:00.012-05:00

Bright star, would I were stedfast as thou art
Not in lone splendour hung aloft the night
And watching, with eternal lids apart,
Like nature's patient, sleepless Eremite,
The moving waters at their priestlike task
Of pure ablution round earth's human shores,
Or gazing on the new soft-fallen mask
Of snow upon the mountains and the moors--
No--yet still stedfast, still unchangeable,
Pillow'd upon my fair love's ripening breast,
To feel for ever its soft fall and swell,
Awake for ever in a sweet unrest,
Still, still to hear her tender-taken breath,
And so live ever--or else swoon to death. - John Keats

Listen to a wonderful reading of this poem by Samuel West at this link.

It is 1818 and John Keats, 23, begins a secret love affair with Fanny Brawne, his next door neighbor. The film, which is coming out in theaters this fall and is set in the Regency era, has received rave reviews, especially for Abbie Cornish. Jane Campion (The Piano), directed.

Click on the link to this movie trailer.

Posted by Vic, Jane Austen's World

Austen’s Power – Zombies “et al”

2009-11-06T15:49:00.004-05:00

I know, I know. I am writing about Austen monster mash-up’s again. Sick of it as much as me yet? Here’s an article in Hemispheres, United Airlines online magazine about one Janeite writer’s experience with a sales clerk while buying P&P (the original) at Borders Bookstore that inspired her to write about the swath of Austen inspired derivatives and her enduring popularity.

While I must gently reprove her (since I work for Barnes and Noble) for trusting that she would receive exemplary customer service without snark at a Borders, I will commend her for doing her homework and asking a great source for her opinion on the recent rage of Austen monster mayhem and what Jane Austen would think of it. ;-)

Just love the clever illustration by Thomas Allen

Cheers, Laurel Ann, Austenprose

Jane Austen Exhibit at the Morgan Library opens Friday

2009-11-04T14:00:00.006-05:00

Lucky us on the East Coast! The Morgan Library in New York will be opening A Woman's Wit: Jane Austen's Life and Legacy from November 6, 2009, through March 14, 2010. Click on this link for schedules and other information.

The online exhibition includes:

Film
The Divine Jane is a short documentary film specially commissioned for the exhibition and examines the influence of Austen's fiction—and her enduring fame—through interviews with leading writers, scholars, and actors.

Lady Susan facsimile
The first seven letters of the manuscript are shown here, accompanied by an audio recording.

Selected images
See selected images from the exhibition with descriptions.

Pride and Prejudice drawing by Isabel Bishop

A Christmas Carol Interview With Colin Firth

2009-11-03T08:39:00.002-05:00

You know the holiday season is just around the corner when Christmas movies are scheduled. The new A Christmas Carol features Colin Firth, Robin Wright Penn, Jim Carrey, and Gary Oldman. Click here to see their interviews.

Visit Beautiful Burghley House at My English Country Garden Blog

2009-11-02T20:00:00.005-05:00

Burghley House, a stately English manor in Stamford, Lincolnshire, England served as Lady Catherine De Bourgh’s estate of Rosings in the 2005 film adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. Join one of my favorite Anglophile/gardening/Jane Austen inspired blogs, My English Country Garden Blog as they visit Burghley House and discuss their family experience with the movie production during its filming. Lydia would heartily approve of the snaps of the Militia in red uniforms. La!

Cheers, Laurel Ann

Mansfield Park and Mummies, Oh MY

2009-11-01T21:21:00.021-05:00

Say it ain't so, Janeites! I'm still in shock.

Norilana Books has announced the acquisition of Mansfield Park and Mummies: Monster Mayhem, Matrimony, Ancient Curses, True Love, and Other Dire Delights by Jane Austen and Vera Nazarian, due November 28. Sample chapters are available for your delectation.

Excerpt One:

About thirty years ago Miss Maria Ward, of Huntingdon, with only seven thousand pounds and nary a kingdom or sand granule in sight, had the good luck to captivate Sir Thomas Bertram, of Mansfield Park, in the county of Northampton, and to be thereby raised to the rank of a baronet’s lady, with all the comforts and consequences of an handsome house and large income.

With the former, all Egypt mourned. With the latter, all Huntingdon exclaimed on the greatness of the match, and her uncle, the lawyer, himself, allowed her to be at least three thousand pounds short of any equitable claim to it. The deceased Pharaoh had two royal siblings who immediately benefited from his elevation to the Afterlife. Miss Maria Ward had two sisters to be benefited by her elevation -- not to the Afterlife, to be sure, but to the even grander state of AfterEngagement -- and such of their acquaintance as thought Miss Ward and Miss Frances quite as handsome as Miss Maria, did not scruple to predict their marrying with almost equal advantage. But whether three thousand or merely thirty years ago, there certainly are not so many men of large fortune in the world as there are pretty (and decidedly unmummified) women to deserve them.

Excerpt Two:

So perfectly suitable was Mr. Rushworth indeed, to Mrs. Norris's notions of ideal matrimony that she forgot herself a certain full moon, and shared a short carriage ride with the young gentleman, while singing praises to Maria, and managed to just barely miss a certain break in the clouds and the revelation of a certain bright nocturnal celestial object that had such a regular and dire effect on her.

Mr. Rushworth never knew what hit him. Indeed, he never remembered the incident, but the bite was there, on his forearm, right through the fine linen shirtsleeve, and things got a bit bloody and rather dizzy, from there on. He was certain, out of nowhere there had been a monstrous big dog, or maybe a wolf, in the carriage; it growled and bit him, then bounded outside, and he barely managed to get home and retell the tale to his mother, forgetting all about the presence and indeed, role, of the venerable Mrs. Norris in the whole incident.

Mrs. Norris may have been forgotten that night, but the impression of her transformed teeth remained in a certain portly young gentleman’s forearm. And though it healed well and soon enough, unfortunately Mr. Rushworth was never to be his former self again. . . .

After dancing with each other at a proper number of balls, the young people justified everyone’s expectant opinions, and an engagement, with a due reference to the absent Sir Thomas, was entered into, much to the satisfaction of their respective families, and of the general lookers-on of the neighbourhood, who had, for many weeks past, felt the expediency of Mr. Rushworth's marrying Miss Bertram -- especially considering how restless the young gentleman seemed to become lately, and how much additional vermin turned up dead, and how domesticated small livestock went missing in the surrounding countryside.

Excerpt Three:

“No,” cried Edmund, “you must step away from him!”

“I am afraid I am perfectly incapable of moving,” replied his sister. “Oh, his glorious song fills my head, till I see sapphire skies over the Nile and the brilliant golden sun over the pyramids, the perfume of the temples and the falcon in flight, his dark exotic, non-British eyes -- Oh, it is perfectly intolerable, I simply cannot!”

“But you must! Make haste, Maria, before it is too late!”

But the Mummy was looking at her with his mesmerizing gaze.

Maria began to tremble. “Is it not too late for me already, Edmund? Is it not a spinster’s life for me? No one will have me now; I am tainted, relegated to paltry livelihood alone or as someone’s pitiful companion --”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, think, Maria! Your choice is spinsterhood or mummification!”

Maria wailed. “Spinsterhood is mummification! Can you not see, brother, at least with him I will be loved, I will be forever his! A blissful eternity!”

The Mummy’s gold-braced hand rose, beckoning.

Excerpt Four

The butler cleared his throat.

“Begging pardon, Sir Thomas -- at this late hour, the Lady Bertram sends to inform -- there are -- baboons in the ballroom.”

Sir Thomas was somewhat weary of interruptions but duly unperturbed. “Baddeley -- be so kind as to remind Her Ladyship, every ballroom has its share of baboons. There is nothing one can do, when those of inferior breeding are allowed to mingle with the better set. One need but revise the regular invitation list to omit the undesirables next time. Do remind me on the morrow --”

“Begging pardon again, but one does not mean to speak in metaphor. There are actual baboons in the grand ballroom. Flesh and blood, simian. As early as this noon, perfectly inanimate and on display in this household, together with the other fruits of the Nile, as mummified objets d'art. At present, actively consuming the supper buffet spread. And tossing their own excrement at the serving staff.”

Sir Thomas became rather still.

“In addition,” Baddeley informed his master, “I am told there is a crocodile. A decidedly non-metaphorical one. Also initially mummified and hailing from the African Continent. Last seen in the drawing room, gnawing -- apparently something one would rather not venture to guess. But, I am told, the divan is in shambles.”

“What of -- the guests?”

“Bedlam, Sir.”

If you haven't had enough of all this zombie and monster and mummy madness, here's the prequel to Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Dawn of the Dreadfuls.
Excerpts from Norilanda books.

Thank you Adriana Zardini for the tip. Vic awkwardly photoshopped the cover.

Disclaimer: No mummies or publishers bribed us to place this non-review on our blog. We have not received an advance copy of this novel, nor do we expect to after our disrespectful attitude towards monster and mummy sequels in general. So please don't look at us cross-eyed for exercising our constitutional right to place our opinion on a personal blog that makes us absolutely NO money.

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