I Really Should Study

Every once in a while you find shit like this...

2009-11-02T19:25:00.002-06:00

...and it makes your day a zillion times better.

I’ll take the points any time…

2009-10-31T19:55:00.001-05:00

United weren’t particularly decisive today but I’ll take the points. Obertan didn’t really wow me either.

The End

2009-10-27T03:43:00.001-05:00

If you love somebody, let them go, for if they return, they were always yours. And if they don't, they never were.

-Khalil Gibran

Just some bullshit…

2009-10-25T11:16:00.001-05:00

I am bitter, angry, disgusted, and frustrated.

My right hand hurts. The knuckles from punching the wall and my palms from slapping the table.

My voice is hoarse from yelling expletives at the TV.

FUCK Rio Ferdinand. I hope he gets butt raped in some fucking alley. Maybe Jonny Evans should get the nod anyway. First Bellamy and now Torres…

That Marriner prat can go eat a fucking dick. Thanks for making Carragher look like Cannavaro.

I had a feeling it would happen…Liverpool had everything to lose and they responded well. I cant believe I miss FletchFuck.

This is straight bullishit. United should have won that fucking game. It was there for the taking.

Hello there...

2009-10-22T15:08:00.001-05:00

I put up a new post on SNL/H

Did I seriously put up the last post here?

Sugabelly and Melloyel are definitely slacking, on the realz.

Anyway, I have decided to take time out of my highly important normal life to put up a post here. Normally, I wouldn’t be doing this shit. I’d probably be busy banging hot chicks, checking out my fucking awesome fantasy team, being awesome, and finding the cure for AIDS, k’nahmean?

Did you know you could put a comma before “and” when listing shit? Like seriously, how come my English teachers never told me that. Mr. Chukwudifu, wherever you are, you fail for not telling about this linguistic wizardry.

Wait, where was I?

I need to start taking some ADD medication because I keep going off topic. Like WTF?

Oh yeah…I remember now. I was talking about how you people need to be happy that your royal awesomeness took time out of his busy schedule to put up a blog post. Considering that fact that Obama’s Nobel peace prize fuckery (you better not get me started on that shit) didn’t bring me out of hiding, you best believe that my topic must be of great importance.

Remember when I complained about not having enough Nigerian tittays on the interweb? Well, shit’s changed since then. Sugbelly put me onto this breakthrough,

Did you see it?

Sideboob, motherfucker!!

That was sideboob!!!

On a side note, that movie seems creepy (Ed note- I watched it on mute so I have no clue wtf is going on). Leaking bloody vaginas? Ain't none of these bitches ever heard of a tampon? SMH!!!

Nigeria is making progress though. We have sure come a long way from dry humping. There’s even a scene with a threesome, can you imagine that shit? It might be arousing but we’ll get there. They just need to realize that storylines are not required for pornos and maybe get some hotter wimmenz. They could get some of those girls you find at owambe parties in England. Wait…you don’t know what an owambe jand party is? Do you live under a rock? Don’t you know the parties with the pictures on facebook and stupid ass names like “exclusive” and “eclipse”? Shit, and I thought I was behind the curve.

BTW, during the threesome bit, was the other girl giving the dude's elbow some head?
iConfuse

Way to fuck up a good song...

2009-09-08T11:37:00.003-05:00

Personally, I don't mind the white babe although Sugabelly is probably going to have an issue with it.
What I do hate is that the song has been toned down and the video awful. If there as any justice in this world, the guy who came up with the idea will get punched in the face.
Where did that killer bass go? Maybe I am just deaf.

"Ako mi ti poju" = "my shakara is too much"

Seriously, WHERE THE FUCK IS NAETO C'S SHAKARA?

See original here

WALE reaches new levels of AWESOMENESS...

2009-08-15T22:06:00.002-05:00

...been a minute, eh?

Wale dropped this gem on twitter,

Here's the song he got the sample from,

Do you believe me now? Wale is TEH BESTEST RAPPA EVAR!!!!

Facebook justifies my thug

2009-07-01T16:04:00.001-05:00

So, I came across the following status update by a friend of mine,

Joel ****** is proud of everyone who is finishing school, and hoping lauren kicks some ass on her final manana!

WTF is “manana”?

Seriously, how fucking uber ghey is that shit?

I can understand that you love your woman and shit but in no should your facebook status be dedicated to making a fool out of yourself in the name of love. If I want to show my woman that I love her, I show in private. In the bed, you know…that kind of shit. I don’t go all ghey on my facebook status. Any reasonable thinking woman should leave her man if goes emo with his facebook status game.

You have to keep to keep it real with your facebook game, y’know? Your status is only for like important shit like telling your homeboys that you just took a shower or bragging about how many fatties you’ve banged. Not for shit like, “Ï love you, baby”

Get with it, people. Get fucking with it.

Break up therapy

2009-06-22T08:17:00.006-05:00

Fuck father's day. Fathers are fucking lame and overrated, call me when something good is on...

...so my ex and I had a "talk" about what caused the split. I aired out my concerns and felt a load kinda sorta ish of my shoulders. I guess the venting helped. Every time we broke up or took a break, about 3 or so in total, I always felt it was my fault.

On her 18th birthday, her ex called her. He said some shit about about waiting for her to turn legal sine he was a pedo fucktard. He was seeing some other chick but she had a kid so he was backing out, i.e. no action. He said he wanted her as more than a friend and she should call him when she was done with me. I guess it piqued her interest and she got all "what if" with it. He then wanted her as a lover when she was in town or something like that, i.e. regular sex once she set foot back home. This was all regular guy nonsense. When a guy starts running a cold streak, he calls up his ex girlfriends and starts cooking up some shit to get sexy time. Look, I'm a guy and I'll run that game when it's needed. I'm being very fucking honest here. Anyhow, she felt she wasn't being fair to me because she was thinking about him in "that" way or I think that's what she said. I'm a bad listener so don't judge me. I remember I had a panic attack that night. I was damn near crying and she wasn't picking my calls. I never thought I'd see the day where I would get a get panic attacks because of a woman. God,I'm such a punk bitch. Speaking of panic attacks, the first time I got one of those was when he called while I was with her. She figured I could hear the conversation so she turned down the volume. Not satisfied, she went to the bathroom. It was like uncontrollable rage. I wanted to smash something but there was nothing to smash. She hung up seeing my discomfort but it still happened. Ohshit...I think I drifted a bit. After we took a break, we decided to get back together because I was a shitty mess without her. I think that was the first time i ever told her that she was the best thing to happen in my life. It became a subsequent means of trying to get her to stay when she was going to leave me.

The second time was when my parents were getting divorced. She got kissed by her ex. She told me about how she dreamt of sex or something like that with him. Normally, a rational human would have cut his losses and called it quits. Well, considering the other fuckery that was going on at that point, I think I needed stability. Christmas sucked but I talked her out of it. I even made sure that I didn't try to force her to choose between both guys. A new year came, we decided to start anew.

A ton a fights later we had our third split. I think it is funny how we fought over the dumbest shit. Like the whole sexy time thing. At beginning of the year, she was like, "NO sexy time". I'm like, "Ok, I can do that." Then each and every time I refused and she got "frustrated", she got mad at me. I pick my battles so I every time I oblige, I mean every guy loves sexy time so don't give me shit. But the next day she would get all regretful about the whole shit and tell me to stick to my "NO" next time. I drifted again...where was I? Oh, the third split. There was the guy on her floor that she had a ridiculous crush on. She even had this blog post about it, I remember reading it at work and going batshit mad. I talked to her about it and she decided that I was becoming just a friend to her. So we decided to be friends. I remember reading that text and not even reacting. I just worked out and didn't feel the urge to call her back. It wasn't like the other times that I wanted to get back by any means possible. I just wanted to go home and take a nap. I called her later though. That was when I discovered that I always avoid confrontation and let her win all the time. And how I always let her have it the way she wanted.

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND, I THOUGHT THAT WAS ME BEING A BOYFRIEND. WHAT THE FUCK???

A couple of nights later, I was DD for a group of friends. I was shit sober and everyone was coupled up so I send her a facebook message about wanting to get back together.

She agreed.

As usual, the fights followed, then the whole cheating incident happened and I finally decided to call it quits.

In a way I feel bad for not giving her chance when she said she'd change and everything would be better. But again, she said that every time we split, she knew we'd get back together because I'm a punk bitch (my words not hers but still the same idea). In other words, I was getting played. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if the crush actually liked her and made a move for her. Would she stay or would she leave? What was more appealing: me or the convenience of the relationship?

I always took each split as my fault. I wasn't being a good boyfriend or I wasn't appreciating her enough. Then there was the whole good guy or bad guy conundrum? Do I do what a good boyfriend should be doing because that's what comes natural and seems rational? Or do I go the bad guy route of imposing my will every time because she, like every other girl, likes the bad guy?

At the end of the day, relationships are just one big fuckery. Maybe we were better as just friends. Friends...something she doesn't want to be with me at this time. I think it is ironic that every time we split, she said we should be "friends" and now that I did the splitting, she refuses my "friendship". So much for BFFs then. I think, this post is becoming too long so I'll stop right here.

2009-06-20T11:53:00.000-05:00

i am petty, bitter and vindictive. I hold grudges and i never forget. If you did it to me, best believe i'll get you back. Vengeance is mine, the Lord has better things to do.

Err...Mea Culpa?

2009-06-15T08:22:00.003-05:00

So let's understand a couple of things...

Did you cheat on the woman?

Yes, I did.

Did I cheat because she wasn't attractive/good enough?

Hell fucking NO. I cheated because I'm an asshole and it comes with the territory. What is to be understood is that all guys are fucking dickbags and deserve to be exterminated from earth

Notice how you try to spread the blame

Did I break up with her because of the other woman?

Nope.

Then, why did I break up with her?

At first, I suggested we take a break because I didn't feel honest being with her if I couldn't stop myself from cheating again.

I also think it's hilarious that you have a code of ethics despite the shit you did.

I felt i needed a break to figure out what was wrong.

What the fuck are you saying? You are confusing me now. You still hung out with this girl. How in fucks name were you figuring shit out? You, my friend, are full of shit.

Ok, I can take that. I'll be honest now. None of this convoluted bullshit. I broke up with the woman because I was tired of the relationship. I was tired of the fighting and the inane arguments. I was tired of being dumped. I was tired of trying to work things out. I was tired of convincing her it was worth fighting for. I was tired of having panic attacks every time we broke up/ "took a break". Long distance relationships take a whole fucking lot of effort to make it work. And God knows how much I put into this relationship. So don't fucking judge me for getting tired.

All that is no excuse for cheating.

It isn't. I cheated because I wanted to. It was ALL ME. It was going to blow up soon, the fact that I cheated just sped things up.

So he cheated...

2009-06-09T05:18:00.002-05:00

So technically Nosa cheated.

Ok, Nosa cheated. There are no two ways about it. He could have stopped her but he didn't. He stood there and let it happen. That alone constititutes cheating.

Why would you go see someone that is not your girlfriend at 10 pm?

Why would you still be with said girl at 1 am?

Clearly, nothing good was going to come out of it but Nosa stayed. That's his fucking fault. Nosa deserves the shitstorm that follows. At least he told the woman, I guess he gains one point from the million he lost.

Funny how this follows the friend-gate fiasco. Remember how Nosa got all mad at how grimey the world is?

At the end of the day, you have to realize that all boys are fucking assholes. We just come in different shades and flavors, but assholes all the same.

Do unto others as you would want them to do unto you...yea right.

Shit's just grimey...

2009-05-27T19:16:00.003-05:00

So, the woman and I broke up. Despite this, we trying to find a way to make it work somehow.

Well, a friend of mine told her that he loved her and wanted to come see her.

Ok, that's cool.

He tells her not to tell anyone but she tells me.

It's still cool.

I just happen to be chilling in a friend's house with this "friend". I'm on the phone with the woman and he wants me to ask if he remembers what they talked about.

Now, that's just fucking disrespectful.

FYI, I had been referring to the woman as my girlfriend all weekend.

Beef and Broccoli

2009-05-12T12:30:00.002-05:00

Funniest commercial EVAR!!!

POST. SEASON. GET. EXCITED

$20 CHINESE FOOD!!

UPDATE: Follow up ad has been released

Drake in H-Town

2009-05-10T22:17:00.002-05:00

This is where I should have been but I had to study.

FML

You hear those wimmenz singing? I probably would have been the loudest one of them.

I need to step my Mo City Don game up, I only know about 70% of that song. Been here like 3 years and I still don't know it. WTF! I'll be in Houston a lot this summer so I better learn that shit.

On a serious note, how many artists without albums sell out shows? And in Houston of all places...Drake doesn't even have a major video out. Replacement Girl didn't really get a lot of spins as far as I know. Every Girl is probably the only one out and it isn't his song. If Drake doesn't do Wayne numbers then something is seriously wrong.

Vids jacked from Nah Right BTW.

Nosa's favorite Eminem albums (in order)

2009-05-08T00:29:00.003-05:00

I just DLed the Relapse (the FBI is probably at my door as I type) and I think it's amazing, contrary to popular belief.

I'll probably put up a review after finals or after my Fluids final tomorrow. In light of my recent Eminem binge, I thought I'd give my favorite Eminem albums EVAR

The Marshall Mathers LP
The Eminem Show
The Slim Shady LP
Relapse
Encore

That Re-Up bullshit doesn't count.

LOLz @ Chelsea

2009-05-06T16:02:00.001-05:00

Gas prices might be high but parking the bus in front of goal never works

Manchester United & I

2009-05-05T14:03:00.002-05:00

I had this draft but never posted it.

Today epitomizes this post to the core.

United up by 3 on aggregate...game is not over though.

UPDATE: 4-1 on aggregate. Fletcher sent off but I hate that motherfucker anyway.

*********
Manchester United was the first soccer team I ever knew. The reason for that was they were the only controllable team on the first soccer game I ever owned on my Amiga. I was like 6ish when I got that game. I remember my stepmom had just taken her kids away and the first cracks in my parents’ marriage were becoming evident. I remember begging my mom to make it work for my sake. I cried when she wanted to pack her stuff and head out.

When they had arguments I would wander into my own little world where I was Sir Alex Ferguson. It was ’92 team if I remember correctly. It had a young Ryan Giggs and the impeccable Pallister-Bruce combo. There was no Beckham back then, it was Kanchelskis running down the wing. I never won anything in that game, I doubt I completed a full season. I remember always getting beat by Barcelona, can’t remember the score though.

I guess that’s how I became a United fan. They were always there. When my mum and my dad fought, I could always turn to United to make the pain go away. I could always run up to my room, grab my joystick and try to beat Barcelona for the umpteenth time.

I once read something along the lines of, “…you can change jobs, change wives but you can never change your club”.

That statement couldn’t be any truer even if Barack Obama said it. United could get relegated, AIG could fold and leave United mired in debt but United will still be there. Always ready to whisk me away when the going gets tough.

Nosa has immaculate timing

2009-05-04T06:38:00.002-05:00

Last semester, my parents got divorced/separated a couple of days before finals.

This semester, I break up a couple of days before finals.

I am awesome...now get me a drink.

Hi Hater...

2009-05-01T00:14:00.001-05:00

...don't jealous me.

That is all.

Nigerian hoo-ers are legendary

2009-04-30T11:50:00.001-05:00

I read this on deadspin today,

This is something I can't wait to tell my kids, "when Daddy was out of college, he played football in Europe, visited Spain and got attacked by Nigerian prostitutes as he exited a bar at 4am drunk off of CruzCampo." Who thought that the stories of my days playing football in Europe would have so little to do with football and so much to do with European night life.

I left this bar in Spain at closing time, and to be honest it was time for me to go. There's only so many times you can fall off a barstool and still be served. I make my way to in the street and immediately received what the Austrians call "Luft-Schlagen" or "the air slap" Meaning when the cold night air hits delivers an immediate, sobering blow to your rosy cheeks. Imagine my continued surprise, when in the post luft-schlagen moment I was mobbed by no less than seven Nigerian whores.

Should I issue the "my best friend is black" disclaimer on this next part? Probably. But these women were dark. Like Wesley Snipes black. Like the guy from "Blood Diamond" (or was it "Amistad?") black. Next thing I know I am being hounded for sex, each one offering a more competitive price than the next, then sweetening the deal with claims "No AIDS, baby!" and "I don't have The Germ." Next thing I knew I felt hands reaching in my pockets; grabbing, touching, stroking. Then one of these night walkers found the ultimate prize.

No not my penis. My Orbit gum. It should be noted that good gum is impossible to find in Europe. So this package of winter mint was worth its weight in gold, and like piranhas to an injured calf, they were off of me and tearing apart a package of chewing gum.

I laughed all the way home. Then I woke up on the kitchen floor the next day.

Just wonderful...abso-fucking-lutely wonderful.

Bol vs Eskay Part Deux

2009-04-28T21:39:00.006-05:00

The last time I was on this subject, Bol called Eskay a shitty reporter...for the most part.

Then Eskay responded with this,

...and Bol went with,

WTF? Are we trying to be civil here?

Hellz NO!!

Anyway, Bol continued his Ash Roth bashing on Gawker,

It's obvious Asleep in the Bread Aisle is gonna be a miserable commercial failure. The first sign was the other day, when Asher Roth went on XXL talking about how the label failed to ship enough copies to stores...it was announced yesterday that Asleep in the Bread Aisle is only expected to sell about 70,000 copies its first week out. Which gives the lie to Roth's claim that the label didn't ship enough copies to stores...why isn't Asleep in the Bread Aisle the commercial success we thought it might be? It could be that the album sucks balls...Ian Cohen over at Pitchfork gave it a 2.7...If the album was even aiight (say, a 5.7 on the P-fork scale), it probably would have sold way better. The streets are hungry for bullshit right now - that new Jadakiss album sold about twice as many copies its first week as Asher Roth is expected to sell, and it's a Jadakiss album. If the album was genuinely worth a shit, we might have a new Eminem on our hands.

BURN!!!

I need to step my blog game up, Bol is in Gawker and I'm still taking Fluid Mechanics.

Sidenote: I'm watching BET for the first time in a while and "College Hill" is on. DO NOT WATCH. This show is mighty niggardly, wtf? A bi-polar teh ghey bully? Damn, that's about as rare a black muslim jew...wait, that's not fucking possible. I digress.

Bol kept sending shots Eskay's way, BTW. I guess he didn't want to be outdone.

One of the other things a public intellectual does is debate fellow public intellectuals on the important issues of the day, in prestigious media outlets. eskay doesn't count, because he isn't a public intellectual, you fat fuck. If you disagree, I'd like to see you say it to his face.

As she mentions in the clip below, most of the people who work for Vibe are cracka-ass crackas, but that's just because someone's gotta write that shit, and the black community tends to be filled with people who aren't journalists, you fat fuck.

Today, Bol published an email from some guy who puts forward the possibility of Asher Roth being a biter.

It's one thing if the new voice of hip hop is white. It's another thing if this voice is both white AND soft. That is totally unacceptable. Rap can be any color, but it can't be white and soft. Wake the fuck up, people. What began as poor, black, hard music is not allowed to wind up rich, white, soft music. We all need to take a step back and reevaluate exactly what it is we are listening to.

Err...I guess we will agree to disagree.

Did you think I had forgotten about Eskay? He published a sorta calm and coherent look at the Ash Roth fuckfest.

So then the question becomes, what was the nature of the joke? Was Asher jokingly implying that he was going to Rutgers to hang out with the predominantly African-American women’s basketball team, or was he taking a swipe at Imus and his comments? [...]The first place you fucked up Asher was by making the joke at all ... if it’s not funny, it’s offensive...This is especially true for jokes made by people of the Caucasian persuasion. Double standard? Sure, but it is what it is...Some people have implied that I have been accepting money to support Asher, or that I was ignoring the “nappy headed hoes” comment because I was in bed with his management or some such nonsense. Of course what nobody seems to have noticed is that there hasn’t been one Asher related post on Nah Right since the controversial tweet...On Friday I mentioned on Twitter that I was waiting for a statement from his camp before I responded, and some idiots took that to mean that I was giving his PR people some time to spin the situation...So my challenge still stands for anybody out there to find anybody who has ever paid money to me or been asked for money by me for coverage of an artist. But I’m also announcing a new challenge, and this one is for Asher Roth. Step up and acknoweldge what you said and explain yourself homie. It’s only right. Until you do so, there will be no more Asher Roth posts on Nah Right.

As at 10:26 pm on 4/28/09, Asher Roth hasn't released any public statement that i know of.

UPDATE: I missed this eskay gem,

M.I., Asher Roth & the Bol-Eskay showdown.

2009-04-24T17:45:00.003-05:00

M.I. is overrated.

Bear in mind, overrated =/= the suck. M.I. is a good rapper but he is not the best there is. I think Naeto C, Modenine and Falz are better. I’m not buying the hype one bit. Gave the album a listen and it’s … meh. “Fast money, fast cars” is a good song but its no “Simi See Trouble”.

On to more pressing issues…

…I’d like to withdraw my Asher Roth co-sign. I got the album and it was mighty disappointing. It was too gimmicky for me. I understand that it was marketed towards the college crowd and all that crap but it was underwhelming. Greenhouse Effect was better than the turd he put out as an album. I’m not giving up hope on Asher as a rapper because his verse over “Mr. Me Too” was amazing. “Morning Do” and the “Sun God” freestyle were the sort of material I expected on the album. La Di Da? Bad Day? WHAT THE FUCK?

Apparently, after Asher’s Rutgers performance he dropped the following tweet:

Let me make some things clear,
1. I don’t think Asher is racist
2. I understand it was a joke
3. Unless it was an inside joke, this joke was meh

Bol thinks most blogs didn’t report this because they are on some payola shit. I don’t blame him. “Seeing Sounds” blew horse dick but some blogs thought it was the greatest thing since sliced bread.

[No Shots]

“… some of these other sites. I checked Nah Right, and I didn’t see anything. Which should have been a dead giveaway? Then I checked the site I’m no longer allowed to mention, and I didn’t see anything …”

-Bol

“… I should’ve known that somebody like Bol would jump at the opportunity to use my silence as an excuse to write one of his bullshit, inflammatory, fuck-boy shock posts …What really offends me though is when motherfuckers like Bol try to insinuate that I or anybody who blogs on my site accepts payola in any form for any kind of coverage.”

Accepting payola is a very clear possibility and therefore, it is not a farfetched assumption.

“I fucking challenge any of you motherfuckers to find anybody anywhere in this industry who can say that eskay has ever asked for or accepted money, or any other form of compensation, to post an artist’s music. I also challenge any of you pieces of shit to come out from behind your keyboard and tell me to my fucking face that I accept payola.
And if you do happen to scrape together the nuts to do so, make sure you bring your fucking Flip cam too for the record, you sour mouth fucks.”

- Eskay

E-Thuggery at its finest

“The idea of a journalist waiting to hear from someone's publicist before reporting on a matter like this is silly to say the least”
-Bol

I concur.

I’m not picking any sides but I do hope this escalates to an epic brawl uploaded on YouTube for the internets.

2009-04-23T07:43:00.001-05:00

I want my mummy

:-(

Credit Crunch dey affect una daily....

2009-04-22T13:40:00.002-05:00

...this would be my theme song if i wasn't broke. I actually prefer this to that Ron Browz induced snoozefest. But then again, I'm Nigerian so It's expected.

On a more important note, I'd like to declare my interest in that intern spot that you or your father have open. I really don't want to take Heat Transfer this summer so anything is welcome as long as it pays over $8/hr.

Yes, that includes being a manwhore.