The Sci Fi Catholic

Catholic Fiction.net

2009-07-10T20:14:00.005-06:00

And now to deal with my backlog of obligations--

Take the time to visit Catholic Fiction, a handy website about exactly what it says on the tin.

The site features quite a nice collection of reviews and other articles. You might check out the article on Ross Douthat's take on Dan Brown, and the brief list of reviews sf titles, which include some notable volumes. In particular I must point you to Tannia Ortiz-Lopes's positive review of Infinite Space, Infinite God, mainly because it's co-edited by Karina Fabian, an author-editor who's had to put up with me a number of times in a number of situations.

The site is also attempting to put together a complete list of Catholic fiction in English. Good luck with that.

So go check it out. I believe the site is still quite new, but it looks like it's off to a good start.

Did Anyone Notice...or Care?

2009-07-09T20:26:00.002-06:00

So, a couple of days ago, according to this article, the Sci Fi Channel changed its name to Syfy, thereby likely resurrecting the stupid "skiffy" debate. On the plus side, this means this blog is now the only game in town to improperly leave out the hyphen.

What really intrigues me about the above-linked article is the impassioned and mostly angry comments below it. Apparently, people really do care...a lot.

Is This Real Life?

2009-07-08T21:54:00.001-06:00

I am really sorry about the lack of posts lately, especially now that we have all these new visitors, but my work has me getting up even earlier and getting home even later than usual, and as you might imagine, I have a few other things to deal with. I will try to give you some significant content this weekend, but I think posting will be slow over the next few months.

Yeesh

2009-07-05T21:51:00.004-06:00

Okay, so I didn't finish that movie review I promised. But I wrote a good chunk of it. Actually, I spent most of my weekend running around so I didn't have much chance to write anything, blog post or otherwise.

The good news is that the apartment is now probably cleaner than it's been since we got here. Since the occupants of this place include a bachelor and several fantasy animals, it usually smells like a cross between a bathroom and a barnyard, but now it smells almost okay, thanks in part to this industrial strength odor-neutralizing bomb thingy I got. Basically, you put it in the middle of the apartment, set it off, and then run for the door as fast as you can. It's kind of awesome. When you come back in an hour later, the whole place smells like Febreze. And your toothbrush tastes like Febreze.

Book Warning Labels

2009-07-04T22:02:00.005-06:00

Over at Mark Shea's blog, Shea discusses a copy of G. K. Chesterton's Everlasting Man
, which in a 2008 edition includes the warning that, "This book is a product of its time and does not reflect the same values as it would if it were written today. Parents might wish to discuss with their children how views on race have changed before allowing them to read this classic work."

Shea is generous with this insidious, bigoted notice, this ignorant besmirching of an author's name and work because he lacks the over-sensitivity and mealy-mouthed, tip-toeing cowardice of a modern writer, the cowardice that forces said modern writer to bad grammar and laborious euphemisms, this politically correct fear of offending all the professional victims and media darlings that prevents academics, students, and politicians from speaking plainly and speaking their minds, this assault on decency, honesty, and generosity disguised as politeness. I cannot be so generous.

This adding of a label to Chesterton's book reminds me of some conversations I've had, during which certain people felt justified in completing my sentences for me in order to make me sound like a dunderhead. Once, some years ago, when I stated that I wished to join a church, a listener added, "that meets your needs," assuming incorrectly that I was more concerned with my appetites than with true religion. I found the addition a severe insult. Even less to my liking is the additive, "in your opinion," that some companions have been in the habit of appending to my absolute statements about the way the world works. The next person who completes my sentences in such a manner is going to get mauled.

Speaking of obnoxious literary warning labels, I have here a copy of Metropolis, an early manga by Osamu Tezuka. Incredibly prolific and commonly known as the God of Manga, Tezuka is best known around here for Astro Boy. Metropolis is the middle part of Tezuka's so-called SF Trilogy, which also contains Lost World and Nextworld. It is rather primitive by today's standards of comics, and even Tezuka himself, in his latter years, disliked it enough to oppose the anime adaptation (which was made anyway after his death), but Metropolis was important in shaping manga as we know and love (or hate) it today, and introduces themes Tezuka would explore again in Astro Boy and Princess Knight.

At any rate, I have here the 2003 Dark Horse printing of Metropolis, which can boast of being the first English-language edition. But inside the front cover, I found a notice that very nearly prevented me from enjoying the rest of the book's contents. I print it here in full so you can gape in wonder at the condescension and assumed reader stupidity as well as the veiled insults the publishers have decided to hurl at this most beloved and influential of manga creators (my comments are in red):

Many non-Japanese, including people from Africa and Southeast Asia, appear in Osamu Tezuka's works. Sometimes, these people are depicted very differently from the way they actually are today. In a manner that exaggerates a time long past or shows them to be from extremely undeveloped lands. [Since when is being undeveloped something that comes in grades? Perhaps they mean extremely underdeveloped.] Some feel [not think, mind you] that such images contribute to racial discrimination, especially against people of African descent. [Who are these "some"? The publishers?] This was never Osamu Tezuka's intent, but we believe that as long as there are people [who?] who feel [feelings again] insulted or demeaned by these depictions, we must not ignore their feelings [feelings again].

We are against discrimination, in all its forms [except against manga artists from the past], and intend to continue to work for its elimination. Nonetheless, we do not believe it would be proper to revise these works. [Discrimination we're against. Censorship we might consider.] Tezuka is no longer with us, and we cannot erase what he has done [*sputter*], and to alter his work would only violate his rights as a creator. [At least they have that part figured out. I wish these guys would talk to the translators of the NRSV Bible.] More importantly, stopping publication or changing the content of his work would do little to solve the problems of discrimination that exist in the world. [You can start by solving this problem of discrimination against manga creators who don't fit your PC trendiness.]

We are presenting Osamu Tezuka's work as it was originally created, without changes. We do this because we believe it is also important to promote the underlying themes of his work, such as love for mankind and the sanctity of life. [Oops, that last one's not PC either; are you sure you shouldn't apologize for that, too?] We hope that when you, the reader [who we apparently think is an idiot], encounter this work [or, you know, just read it], you will keep in mind the differences in attitudes, then and now, toward discrimination, and that this will contribute to an even greater awareness of such problems.

Delays

2009-07-04T10:44:00.002-06:00

Ugh. Well, I said I'd have a movie review up by now, but a number of more urgent matters are demanding my attention, so we have a delay. That's what I get for trying to schedule my blog posts, I guess. I hope to have it up this weekend, though.

Asteroids Movie?

2009-07-03T14:54:00.005-06:00

Whoa. My weird movie prophecy powers come through again. I actually thought of this myself, like, five years ago. I guess someone in Hollywood thinks the same way I do, which probably isn't good for either them or me.

Orthometer reports that a Universal Studios movie based on ye olde Asteroids video game is in the works, a news item he gets from Dark Horizons. The original news article comes from Hollywood Reporter. In case you don't know, Asteroids is that video game where you guide a triangle-shaped spaceship to shoot at a bunch of asteroids, all while trying to avoid getting hit by the flying rocks your laser blasts create. It has no story. In other words, it's not really, you know, movie material. However, you can play it online here.

Looking over the Wikipedia article on the game, I'm inclined to say the movie should rip off material from some of the Asteroid spin-offs. Check out these titles: Astrogeddon, Spheres of Chaos, Stardust, and Astro Fire. I would so go to a movie called Astrogeddon or Spheres of Chaos. I would even go to a movie called Stardust. Oh, wait...

Hollywood Reporter, in the same article, notes in passing that Universal is also attempting film adaptations of Battleship and Candy Land.

Hm.

I guess the success of Transformers has wider repercussions than any of us would have supposed. They really are going to make a bunch of movies based around our old toys, something predicted in humor, now a hideous reality. I'm not sure what a Candy Land movie would look like, honestly. Maybe like a magical girl cartoon crossed with The Nutcracker, on crack. Personally, I vote for filming it as a horror movie; I don't know about anyone else, but I always thought that game was creepy.

Honestly, though, I would probably go see a live-action My Little Pony movie. I used to watch that cartoon as a kid, though I had to do it furtively and keep the volume on the TV really low, since my parents frowned on me watching cartoons for girls. (Now I watch all the girls' cartoons I want! Bwahaha!) I don't remember much about it--something about a girl with a magic rainbow and pastel-colored ponies with big hair--but I did think it was good. I stopped watching around the time I realized the ponies were never going to mount machine guns on their backs, or learn Kung fu.

Deej to Seminary, Part 2

2009-07-02T22:05:00.008-06:00

Goodness, look at all those new readers. I appear to have been Mark-Sheaed, which is, I suppose, the Catholic equivalent of being Penny-Arcaded. Mark, you can link my blog anytime you want.

Guess I better put up some real content to keep them coming back. Hmm...okay, tune in tomorrow and we'll have a movie review DOUBLE FEATURE!

In the meantime, I must explain yesterday's post at more length. Yes, I am going to seminary to study for the priesthood, and some of you will, no doubt, want to know why. I list my reasons here:

Power. Over you, specifically. One aspect of the priesthood has a particular appeal to me, and that's the ability to exert control over superstitious parishioners via their deceased loved ones. If you don't do what I say, or give me sufficient money, I'll have the ability to cast your dead relatives from purgatory into hell. Think about that for a minute and then tell me who wouldn't want to be a priest.

Wealth. Speaking of sufficient money, we all know the Vatican has gigantic vats full of it, so much that if the Church only opened her greedy coffers, she could instantly solve all the world's problems with her enormous monetary assets and still have enough left over to fund an ill-fated space program involving flying cathedrals and confused nuns. Fortunately, she's not going to do that, because every good bishop knows money was made for swimming in, Scrooge McDuck style. As a mere priest I won't have a big vat of moolah like the pope, but I'm sure I can acquire a small bathtub full, which is sufficient for my modest needs.

Influence. As a priest, I might be able to speed up the process of the canonization of Isaac Leibowitz. I mean, let's get this show on the road here. What's taking so long?

Secrets. If I manage to acquire enough power and influence through the regular channels of backstabbing and simony, I might gain access to the secret vaults where we keep the fifty-four other, more accurate gospels, and I might even learn the truth about our architecture, about the aliens, and about the vampires. I might see all the artifacts that the Church somehow managed to nick from the Temple of Solomon, which will be particularly special to me as an archaeologist. And since nicking artifacts from the Temple of Solomon would require the Church to have a time machine, I might get to see a time machine. That's pretty sweet.

Style. I have never yet seen a priest with enough guts to wear a leather trenchcoat and dark sunglasses with his clerical garb, and somebody needs to do something about that.

Praying Directly to Jesus. We let the ordinary folk like you pray to saints, of course, or go through the mediation of a priest and his esoteric, intentionally obscure rituals in another language, and sometimes we even let you pray to Jesus' Sacred Heart (though that's pushing it, so don't do it too often), but only the ordained get to talk to Jesus himself. If I'm ordained a priest, you'll have to go through me to get to Jesus, and that gives me a certain feel-good rush (see no. 1 above).

Assassination. Let's face it, assassins are cool, and priest assassins are extra cool. Admittedly, I jumped the gun on this one; I was so excited about my future carrying out brutal murders to perpetuate the lies of Holy Mother Church, I went and shot a museum curator who was studying Leonardo Da Vinci a little too closely. I then followed this up by taking out a couple of kids who appeared to be about to commit the vile act of eating fruit in the forest together (an act that can change the multiverse!). Afterward, my pastor had to take me aside and inform me that, though assassination is indeed an important part of ministry, it can only be carried out by those who have done penance for murder ahead of time. I asked if that meant I was in some kind of trouble, but he reassured me that I could take care of it with an indulgence if I shelled out some cash for a new cathedral. In the end, my first assassinations were expensive, but worth it.

Great Retirement Benefits. At the end of my life, after I have gained dizzying power through my clever maneuvering in the corrupt hierarchy of Rome, and after my flesh has been engrossened by gluttony, drunkenness, and sexual excess (made all the more grotesque by unrelieved celibacy, which, by the way, causes hallucinations), I will lie on my deathbed suffering from fever and dropsy. I will have an excruciating itch over my whole body, as well as difficulty breathing. I will have extremely foul breath. Then, in my last moments, I will see a vision of raging fire--a premonition of my eternal fate--and at last my body will burst open with worms, a devastating symbol of heavenly displeasure. I'm really looking forward to it.

Deej to Seminary

2009-07-01T21:52:00.001-06:00

It appears to be official. I will be starting seminary this coming fall. Details to follow.

Slow News Day

2009-06-29T21:50:00.003-06:00

Our news lady just sort of gave up today. So.

Um...

This.

Personal Update

2009-06-28T10:33:00.005-06:00

My present project is probably just about 50% drafted. Very rough, of course. In the process of constructing it, I've spent some time looking at run-down cities and reading about urban warfare to get a good handle on the setting. Recently, I ran into a post over at The Mystery and the Magic, where Alexander Field has posted images from Kowloon, a square-shaped vertical slum in Hong Kong, no longer in existence. Looking at those pictures, I said to myself, "Whoa, that's it!" Check out Field's post here. Field links to Alex Carnegie, who has even more pictures, and who recommends a book on Kowloon, which I will simply have to acquire. Those images look like what's been going through my head for the last several months.

June Latest in Spec

2009-06-27T20:12:00.002-06:00

The June issue of Latest in Spec [PDF], the newsletter for Christian sf put out by the Christian Science Fiction & Fantasy Blog Tour and Lost Genre Guild, is available for reading. It includes notices of upcoming blog tours, book releases, reviews, author appearances and interviews, and so forth.

Hey There Cthulhu

2009-06-27T19:00:00.003-06:00

That pretty much sums it up.

(Hat tip to Calls for Cthulhu.)

Back from Limbo

2009-06-26T23:14:00.008-06:00

If you wondered where I'd been lately, an acquaintance who is also an author and editor of some repute, who had kindly offered me sage advice on my comic book scripting project, noticed some similarities between what I was working on and a cartoon show called Codename: Kids Next Door. After she recommended I see it, I managed to hunt up some legally free online episodes, which you can watch here, assuming you can navigate the menu system (it's over on the right somewhere).

I'd never heard of the show before, but I was an instant addict and I've been binge-watching it for the last couple of days. If you go watch some yourself and decide to lose all respect for me because of the inanity, keep in mind that the first episode I saw involved a group of five children battling a giant robot armed with flaming chainsaws. Who am I to argue with flaming chainsaws? Anything containing flaming chainsaws is automatically good, much like anything containing ninjas or exotic princesses. (I almost added "or Kung fu," but then I remembered House of Flying Daggers [curse you, House of Flying Daggers!], so anything containing Kung fu is not automatically good.)

The show is, basically, about a Five Man Band (or maybe a Five Token Band, since they're all raging ethnic stereotypes) of grade-school kids who fight various villains, and Humongous Mecha representative of the sorts of problems kids today deal with, such as the common cold, corporal punishment, and dental hygiene.

That is actually somewhat similar to my own formula, which has five grade-school kids fighting a different order of problems kids today deal with, such as tuberculosis, forced military conscription, and human trafficking. Mine is less funny. But what really shocked me about Codename: Kids Next Door was hearing one of the characters say, "Ah, crud," repeatedly. That's my protag's catchphrase. I mean, sure, it's not a real original catchphrase or anything, but still.

While we're on the subject, what is it, exactly, about teams with five members? That seems to be a magic number or something. I assume it's because five is a small enough number of characters to be easily manageable but still leave room for love-triangles, double-crosses, and other shenanigans. Perhaps that's why I can never get anything done over here--for some reason I always end up with teams of six. And then I'm writing away at a draft when suddenly I say to myself, "Wait a minute...what has team member number six been doing for the last fifty pages?"

I may have discovered the solution to this problem: I will simply regard the sixth member as the Team Pet.

June Christian Science Fiction and Fantasy Blog Tour

2009-06-23T20:33:00.003-06:00

I meant to read this book, but it disappeared.

It's time again for the Christian Science Fiction & Fantasy Blog Tour, which this month goes out to Vanish by Tom Pawlik.

You can reach Pawlik's website here and his blog here.

The novel is horror. You can read a good review at Imagination Investigation, where Chawna Schroeder claims the novel functions reasonably well as a work of horror, but begins to sag near the middle.

Over at The Lina Lamont Fan Club, our own dear Nissa, one of our fellow Catholic tour members, says something similar, though she places the saggy part about three-quarters of the way through, partly because that's where the Christian elements get explicit, apparently too explicit for her tastes.

According to She Who Has No Last Name, the novel gets a five out of five. It's fast-paced and twisty-turny.

This book better have a lot of twists and turns, since I can't seem to find any fellow Tour members willing to give a plot summary. I mean, sheesh, what's it about? How the hey do you review a book without a plot summary?

Ah, here's a plot summary: you can find it at A Place Called Fiction, of all places. It also contains a snazzy picture of Tom Pawlik himself sporting a fine leather jacket. The novel is about three people who, after a mysterious storm, find everyone else has disappeared except a creepy young boy and some shadowy "observers." Sounds unnerving enough.

Read the Other Blog Tour Members Before They're Gone!

Brandon Barr
Justin Boyer
Keanan Brand
Grace Bridges
Karri Compton
Amy Cruson
CSFF Blog Tour
Stacey Dale
D. G. D. Davidson
Jeff Draper
April Erwin
Karina Fabian
Alex Field
Beth Goddard
Todd Michael Greene
Ryan Heart
Christopher Hopper
Joleen Howell
Becky Jesse
Cris Jesse
Julie
Carol Keen
Krystine Kercher
Margaret
Rebecca LuElla Miller
Eve Nielsen
Nissa
John W. Otte
John Ottinger
Donita K. Paul
Epic Rat
Steve Rice
Crista Richey
Hanna Sandvig
Chawna Schroeder
James Somers
Speculative Faith
Rachel Starr Thomson
Robert Treskillard
Steve Trower
Fred Warren
Phyllis Wheeler

News from the Fishbowl

2009-06-22T20:39:00.005-06:00

Sorry, but I've forced the Deej to push back the Christian Science Fiction & Fantasy Blog Tour a day. We have news that has to be posted.

GEORGE LUCAS IS THE NEW ARCHBISHOP OF OMAHA

A reader sends us news from the Omaha World Herald:

Cardinals Francis George of Chicago and Justin Rigali of Philadelphia are among the dignitaries expected to attend the July 22 installation of George J. Lucas as Omaha archbishop.

The Mass of installation will be at 2 p.m. at Omaha's St. Cecilia Cathedral. An outdoor reception will follow. Because of limited seating at the cathedral, the installation events will be private, the Rev. Joseph Taphorn, chancellor of the archdiocese, said Saturday in a statement. [more...]

GIRL WITH CANCER GETS DYING WISH TO SEE UP

And in less humorous but more touching news, Pixar graciously sent an employee with a DVD to the house of a young girl dying of cancer who was too sick to go to the theater to see Up, as MSNBC reports:

The 10-year-old girl desperately wanted to see the new Disney-Pixar movie, “Up.” But the cancer-stricken girl was too sick to go to a theater.

Thanks to a family friend who got in touch with the movie studio Pixar, an employee of the Emeryville-based company arrived at Colby’s home with a DVD copy of the movie, The Orange County Register reported Friday. The girl died later that night. [more...]

ALASTAIR REYNOLDS SCORES A MILLION POUNDS TO WRITE SPACE OPERA

That pretty much says it all, as reported in the Guardian:

As banks struggle and businesses collapse, the science fiction writer Alastair Reynolds is making his own contribution to the flagging UK economy, signing an unprecedented ten-book deal with Gollancz worth £1m.

Reynolds, who has published eight novels with the Orion imprint Gollancz since his 2000 debut, Revelation Space, said he was "amazed and thrilled" to commit himself to the same publisher for the next decade. "It gives me a huge amount of security for the next ten years," he said, "and writers don't have a lot of security. Even at the best of times you're worrying about the next deadline, the next contract. To have that in place is fantastic for me." [more...]

JAPAN CONSIDERS SCIENCE FICTION TO SAVE THE ECONOMY

Or maybe just bad ideas? You decide. io9 reports:

U.S. economists may dabble in science fiction, but only the Japanese are considering resorting to science-fictional ideas to rescue their economy. To avoid the spectre of deflation, the Japanese are considering abolishing cash altogether. [more...]

BUFFY VS. EDWARD

Also, don't miss io9's take on the hilarious Buffy the Vampire Slayer vs. Edward Cullen mashup.

Happy Father's Day

2009-06-21T18:46:00.004-06:00

Following the grand tradition of lazy bloggers everywhere, today I fulfill my blog posting quota by acknowledging the holiday you can't have possibly been unaware of. This is because my time was otherwise occupied earlier in the day, and I have a meeting to be at in a few minutes.

In the realm of personal updates, I am, apparently, back from Oregon. It was a quick trip with no hitches. I will tell you about it, probably, at a later date, but can't discuss it right now.

So happy Father's Day. Tomorrow starts this month's Christian Science Fiction & Fantasy Blog Tour, so that will replace Lucky's usual weekly news column. Check back in tomorrow for the info on that. We should have a couple of reviews coming your way in the near future, if we can squeeze penning them into our schedules. In the meanwhile, we strongly encourage you to vote in yesterday's battle royale between the Macross and the Galactica. If you don't, your favorite spacefaring warship might get obliterated by your less favorite spacefaring warship, so vote soon. Remember, you don't have to know the shows to vote; you can vote on who you thought made the strongest arguments.

Holy Joseph, you were always most just; make us relish what is right. You sustained Jesus and Mary in time of trial; sustain us by your help. You provided for all the needs of Jesus and Mary; help the needy of the whole world. You rescued Jesus from Herod who sought to kill Him; save us from our many sins.

You were the foster father of Christ, the priest-victim; make priests faithful to their calling. You were the foster father of Christ, the Divine physician; sustain the sick and obtain relief for them. You died the holiest of deaths in the arms of Jesus and Mary; intercede for the dying. You were the intrepid guardian of the Holy Family; protect all Christian families.

You cared for Jesus with true fatherly love; protect all children in the world. You were a dedicated and honest worker in your trade as a carpenter; teach us to labor for Jesus. You were the faithful and chaste spouse of the Blessed Virgin Mary; preserve in all hearts a love of fidelity and purity. You were a model single person and a model father later on; help all human beings to imitate your virtues.

Prayer taken from My Pocket Prayerbook, by Rev. Lawrence G. Lovasik, S.V.D. Catholic Book Publishing Corp. (New Jersey): 2004.

The Super Dimension Fortress Macross vs. Battlestar Galactica

2009-06-20T11:54:00.023-06:00

VS.

It's the Snuffmeister here. I'm currently at work on a discussion of that sci-fi anime classic, The Super Dimension Fortress Macross. After Deej tortured us by making us watch the entire 1978 Battlestar Galactica, I couldn't help but notice some similarities between the two shows: both are about space-borne aircraft carriers fighting relentless alien assaults as they make their ways, along with a lot of civilian hangers-on, toward Earth. So it occurred to me to ask, if the SDF-1 Macross and the Battlestar Galactica battled each other, which would win?

In the grand tradition of that great website Grudge-Match, we will now debate the issue and hand it to our readers to vote. I will of course argue for the Macross. Deej, the BSG fanboy, will argue for the Galactica. Deej, you're up first.

D.G.D.: Thank you, Snuffles. I look forward to kicking your @5$, and I look forward to seeing the Galactica kick the Macross's @5$. Let's begin with a discussion of armament. The Galactica, not being limited by such pesky things as physics, has an unknown number of highly maneuverable fighter craft, some of which are piloted by hot babes. It is also arrayed with numerous laser cannons designed to take on capital ships as well as eliminate enemy fighters. In addition to that, it has its powerful forward lasers, which can destroy an enemy capital ship or even cleanse an entire planet's atmosphere of nuclear missiles. On top of that, it has some missiles of its own, which, judging by the stock footage used during their launch, are rather potent. At least two of their pilots are both aces and protagonists, meaning they are unkillable. And Lorne Greene is at the battleship's helm. And the bridge has red lighting and moving parts, making it really cool and therefore harder to destroy. The Macross, on the other hand, thinks a bratty teen J-pop idol is a super weapon.

Snuffles: Don't try to end your gibberish by changing the subject; we'll discuss Minmay later, if we can't avoid it. I contest your absurd claims that the Galactica has weapons superior to the Macross. The Macross, too, has an "unknown number"--an apparently limitless number--of fighter craft, but the Valkyrie fighters are not mere X-Wing knockoffs like the Galactica's Vipers. The Valkyries are not fighters only, but can transform into giant robots, because you simply can't have good anime without giant robots. The Macross also has on board an "unknown number" of vaguely anthropomorphic and heavily armed Destroid tanks, which can crawl on the outside of the Macross to repel enemy assaults. And as for your "forward lasers," it is to laugh. The Macross has its massive main cannon, which can take out numerous enemy capital ships at once. And did you say missiles? Missiles? You are perhaps forgetting what the Macross is famous for--that's right, I mean the Macross Missile Massacre! Every single one of the Macross's fighters carries something upwards of eight bajillion missiles, and at least five hundred of those get launched even in a typical attack on a fighter. You forget, too, that the Macross is not just a space ship: it's a transformer. The Macross itself can turn into a gigantic robot and launch its Daedalus Attack, in which it punches one arm into an enemy ship, opens a bay, and fires off enough missiles to riddle the entire enemy ship from the inside!

D.G.D.: You're getting over-excited, Snuffles. I'm sorry, but your missiles are simply no threat. As I already pointed out, the Galactica can cleanse an entire planet, in a sanitary and environmentally friendly way, of its missiles. Do you think it can't cleanse the air, or the vacuum, of your so-called missile massacre? The Macross's fighters will find their favorite weapon useless, rendering them vulnerable to the laser blasts of the Galactica and its Vipers.

Snuffles: The Macross is, I admit, vulnerable to lasers. However, with its point defense system, an impenetrable but limited force field, it can stop most incoming laser blasts or projectile weapons and prevent major damage. It is even capable of generating a fully encompassing force field for a limited time. The Galactica has no force field at all. It is vulnerable not only to fighter assaults but to the Macross's main gun as well, which could take it out in a single blast. You will notice, too, that the crew of the Macross is not stingy in the use of this cannon, whereas the Galactica's big lasers get used about twice in the entire series.

D.G.D.: The Galactica uses its big weapons when it needs to, because its commander is wise and judicious. The Macross is infamous for its weapon wastefulness.

Snuffles: Ha! That's because the Macross can never run out of weapons! May I remind you, the Macross has infinite supplies. In fact, the Macross more-or-less defines the concept of Infinite Supplies. That means that no matter how many assaults the Galactica launches, the Macross will still have another fleet of transforming Valkyrie battroids, another platoon of Destroid tanks, and more missiles. On top of that, the Macross can never run out of the abundant food and toys for the 60,000+ people living in decadent luxury in its cargo bay. The Macross can do it all, and in a single ship! By contrast, the Galactica has to drag along a ragtag fugitive fleet where most of the people live in boxcars.

D.G.D.: Most of the people in the Fleet might live in boxcars, but there's still plenty of decadent luxury for the Galactica characters who count. But never mind that--the real issue is military capability, and the Galactica's supply of fighters is every bit as limitless as the Macross's.

Snuffles: But there's another factor you're forgetting--engineering. The civilians and military personnel of the Macross managed to put together an entire city inside their ship, gleaming and beautiful with good sanitation and uncongested streets, and they built it in the space of two weeks. That city gets destroyed something like four or five times in the course of the show, and it is always shiny and new again by the next episode. And don't forget that they built the entire city out of junk floating in space! These people are friggin' geniuses. There is nothing the Galactica can do to the Macross that the Macross can't have repaired in a day. On the other hand, the Galactica crew had to spend an entire episode fighting a fire that threatened to destroy the ship. One fighter exploding in the landing bay or near the bridge and the Galactica is potentially finished.

D.G.D.: Nonsense. The massive damage to the Galactica incurred by that fire was repaired by the next episode. Both these ships have unlimited fighters, unlimited supplies, and instant repair capability--unless the plot for that week dictates that they need to sustain massive damage or run out of something. In fact, considering the infinite resources, a battle between these two ships might take a while...

Snuffles: Hold on, I wasn't finished dismantling your dumb arguments yet. You mention Lorne Greene, and I'm sure he's cool and all, but Captain Global (or Gloval, or however you want to spell it) is pretty cool himself, especially when he does that one-visible-eye-under-his-hat shtick. Also, you discuss the Galactica's cool bridge. Now, admittedly, the Galactica does have a pretty cool bridge, but the Macross, you will note, has the original Bridge Bunnies.

D.G.D.: Wait a minute, are you claiming that a bridge crew made up of giggly schoolgirls trumps cool moving parts?

Snuffles: Yes, of course.

D.G.D.: That's crazy. While the bridge crew of the Galactica is on the ball and dealing with the battle, the bridge crew of the Macross will probably be in town looking for guys to take them to the disco. Speaking of which, notice that the Galactica has special vehicles to move pilots rapidly to their fighters, meaning the Galactica can deploy its fighters quickly. But on the Macross, the pilots, who spend most of their time wandering around town, have to hail a taxi. The Vipers will have already devastated most of the Macross by the time the Valkyries manage to launch. Furthermore, Hikaru, or Rick Hunter, or whatever his name is, does something in just about every episode that could get him court-marshaled, yet he never gets in trouble. This is all evidence of lax military discipline.

Snuffles: Hikaru's questionable actions are nothing compared to Starbuck's, so don't even start. The Macross has enough discipline to ward off countless Zentradi attacks, so I'd say they're doing fine. In fact, if you can judge a ship by its enemies, I'd say the Macross has held off more formidable foes than the Galactica--the Zentradi are fifty-foot giants who know only war and have millions of ships and the capacity to wipe out entire planets. But the Cylons are jerky robots who drop like flies in every battle.

D.G.D.: Excuse me, are we talking about the same Zentradi who thought a girl in a swimsuit was a secret weapon? The Zentradi who were paralyzed by the sight of Hikaru and Misa sucking face? The Zentradi who thought a Kung fu movie was evidence that humans possess superpowers? The Zentradi who lost the will to fight because the Macross was broadcasting J-pop music? (Admittedly, I have a similar reaction to J-pop.) The Cylons also destroy whole planets yet show a curious inability to take out one battleship, but for all their faults, at least the Cylons are not distracted and demoralized by attractive women; we know this for a fact, because if they were, the female cast of Battlestar Galactica would have devastated them instantly. You can keep your pouty J-pop idols and bubbleheaded bridge crew: we have Laurette Spang, Maren Jensen, and Anne Lockhart, any one of whom could destroy the entire Zentradi fleet single-handedly by batting her eyelashes. I note that the Zentradi are even more freaked out by the sight of children than they are by the sight of women; witness, therefore, the awesome power of Boxey, his robotic dog, and all the kids who show up as extras. Battlestar Galactica beats Macross on both the Babe Factor and the cuteness factor, even though Macross is an anime.

Snuffles: Ha! But everyone knows Boxey and his dog are annoying!

D.G.D.: Everyone also knows Minmay is annoying.

Snuffles: Curses! Very well, the Galactica has Babe Factor...but wouldn't you agree that Babe Factor has now been permanently ruined...by Tricia Helfer?

D.G.D.: Aaaaarrrgghhh!!! Never say that name in my presence!! Just you wait until Warner Bros. comes out with that live-action Robotech movie, and then I shall have my revenge!

Which ship would win in a battle between the SDF-1 Macross and the Battlestar Galactica?(survey software)

Art Page

2009-06-16T09:42:00.003-06:00

Once upon a time, we used to link art pages and artists from time to time around here, and it's time to start that again, so we'll start with Theresa Henderson's art. Theresa Henderson is a Catholic artist who paints beautiful landscapes, among other things.

You guys go look at that. The blog won't be updated for a few days, as I'm getting on a plane to Oregon and leaving the computer behind.

News from the Fishbowl

2009-06-15T21:08:00.002-06:00

PUBLISHER SUED FOR PLAGIARISM IN HARRY POTTER

According to MSNBC, the estate of Adrian Jacobs is suing Bloomsbury Publishing, claiming that J. K. Rowling lifted ideas for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire from Jacobs's book The Adventures of Willy the Wizard.

[A statement] named the estate's trustee as Paul Allen, and said that Rowling had copied "substantial parts" of "The Adventures of Willy the Wizard -- No 1 Livid Land" written by Jacobs in 1987.

It added that the plot of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire copied elements of the plot of Willy the Wizard, including a wizard contest, and that the Potter series borrowed the idea of wizards traveling on trains.

"Both Willy and Harry are required to work out the exact nature of the main task of the contest which they both achieve in a bathroom assisted by clues from helpers, in order to discover how to rescue human hostages imprisoned by a community of half-human, half-animal fantasy creatures," the estate statement said. [more...]

CAPTAIN AMERICA COMES BACK

And...no one is surprised. Super heroes, of course, have a habit of not staying dead. Reports CNN:

"The tenor of the world now is when we're at a point where we want to believe in heroes. Someone who can lead the way," said [Marvel Executive Editor Tom] Breevort. "It just feels like the right time." [more...]

Oh, gag. He's coming back as Obama.

ROBOT HOLOCAUST INEVITABLE

Just make sure it has good special effects. Reports TMCnet:

"The conversation I'm hearing is less about a takeover," said Dennis Roberson, vice provost of new initiatives at Illinois Institute of Technology. "It's more insidious _ it's about bionic capabilities being implanted, working their way upward, getting closer to the brain." Cyborgs? "The way we think about technology, especially robots, is completely driven by science-fiction scenarios," said P.W. Singer, director of the 21st Century Defensive Initiative at the Brookings Institution and author of "Wired for War: The Robotics Revolution and Conflict in the 21st Century." He said that while researching his book he talked to a military officer whose ideas of what to build came from watching "The Empire Strikes Back." "We don't have to reach a world where metal ones are coming for us," he said. "It's a reality. They're here. We've flown 7,000 drones in Iraq. You could argue we're in a robot war in Pakistan right now." [more...]

Public Service Announcement

2009-06-15T18:35:00.003-06:00

As a Christian blogger, and especially as a Christian blogger with an audience consisting largely of fanboys, I am obligated, morally, to alert you to these dangers:

And on That Note...

2009-06-14T17:29:00.005-06:00

I have never cared much for chastity rings. Although, since becoming Catholic, my view of religious paraphernalia (even kitschy religious paraphernalia) has grown more generous, something about the chastity ring bugs me, something that until now I have been unable to frame exactly in words. Now I know what it is. A friend sends along this quote from Miss Manners (which you can find here):

Dear Miss Manners,
For my sixteenth birthday, my parents took me to dinner and gave me a beautiful ring set with precious stones (sapphires and a tiny diamond) that doubles as a chastity ring. I am now almost eighteen, and lately I have been considering moving my chastity ring from my right hand ring finger (where I have worn it thus far) to my left hand ring finger, which I know is traditionally the finger used for engagement and wedding rings. I like the symbolism of putting my chastity ring on that finger, but I don't want people to misinterpret my intentions. I would greatly appreciate your opinion.

Gentle Reader,
Allowing prospective suitors to believe that you are engaged is certainly one way to preserve your chastity. Perhaps in perpetuity.

However, Miss Manners feels obliged to warn you that polite society does not recognize such a thing as a chastity ring. It is so polite that it presumes that a lady is chaste unless publicly proven otherwise.

That last paragraph pretty much sums it up. It is a bad move to act as if men and women who treat marriage with respect are doing something extraordinary.

Of course, on the other hand, Miss Manners is talking about "polite society," and today that would be made up of, what, ten or twenty people? I recall an occasion in college on which, in the course of an ordinary conversation, a friend stated outright, erroneously, that I was sleeping with a certain young lady, and the young lady was even present in the room and participating in the conversation. Had this friend been a man, "polite society" probably would have obliged me to punch him in the face. (I should ask Miss Manners about that.)

What makes that incident remarkable is that the friend in question had no inkling that she was making accusations, ruining reputations, or being incredibly rude. Because she thought (again, erroneously) that the young lady and I were dating, she assumed we were sleeping together. Just as "polite society" assumes chastity, regular everyday rude society now assumes fornication.

Where exactly can I find this "polite society"? I'd very much like to go there.

Crossroads Walks for Life

2009-06-14T15:05:00.004-06:00

After Mass today, we had a visit and a short talk from a participant in Crossroads, an organization that sponsors volunteers, mainly college students, who spend their summers walking across the continental United States, educating people about the Pro-Life movement, protesting at abortion mills, and praying as they go. You can see their website here. Although I certainly am pleased with the good work these people are doing in furthering awareness about horrors and indignities of abortion, I am probably bringing it up in this space because I was especially charmed by the young woman who gave the post-Mass presentation. I told Father afterward that if he had women like that asking for money at every Mass, I'd probably go broke.

And then we have further Pro-Life information, to make a sort of counter-balance to that celebration of sterility they call LGBT Pride Month. The bill HR 2410, known as the Foreign Relations Reauthorization Act, has come before the House of Representatives. The bill would mean global promotion of abortion by the U.S. You can contact your representative through this link to ask him to oppose the bill.

Can We Celebrate My Perversion Next Month?

2009-06-11T19:46:00.009-06:00

I just learned, and I mean I just learned, because this admittedly isn't the kind of news I usually keep up with, that June is now GLBT Pride Month. By the way, I always want to read GLBT as "Gay, Lettuce, Bacon, and Tomato." You can't ask me to remember this many acronyms.

So now we have a GLBT Month and a National Condom Month. What other deviancies can we make months for? I think fair is fair; my sexual eccentricities also need their own months. In fact, I have enough of them I can celebrate a different one every month. For starters, I hereby declare July to be National Inordinate Affection for Six-Foot Redheaded Charismatic Mennonite Baristas with Glasses and Overbites Pride Month. Those of us with this condition, known as IASFRCMBGO (pronounced "eeasfrickmabgo"), which we could not possibly change even with self-discipline and therapy, will be marching in the street next month.

And by the way, if you happen to know a real-life sfrickmabgo, and she's available, send me her phone number. That would be awesome. Tell her I look good in leather.

Upcoming Pride Months:

August: National Man-crush on James Arness Month
September: National Pretend Agatha Heterodyne Is My Girlfriend Month
October: National Leia's Metal Bikini Fetishism Month
November: National Date Your Goldfish Month
December: National Stare at All the Women in the Old Battlestar Galactica Month
January: National Tendency to Use Female Avatars in Video Games Month
February: National Stare at All the Women in Buck Rogers Month
March: National Anime Babe Month (I threw that in for Snuffles)
April: National Can't Think of Anything for this Month Month

(And if it ever happened that a six-foot redheaded Charismatic Mennonite barista with glasses and an overbite got transformed into a goldish, put on Leia's metal bikini, and starred opposite James Arness and Agatha Heterodyne in Battlestar Galactica and Buck Rogers while playing video games with a female avatar and being unable to figure out what to do that month, I fear I would die from ecstasty.)

Messing Around

2009-06-10T18:35:00.012-06:00

It's the Deej here, comin' atcha. Some time ago, when Lucky stole my camera and posted slightly risqué pictures of me at Sundance, a reader astutely noted that, in said pictures, I was without my sunglasses. This is a fact; indeed, I lost my sunglasses during an archaeological survey, which is unfortunate, for they were designed to attach to my prescription glasses. I have since learned I need my sunglasses, as the sunlight is simply too powerful for me here on your Earth.

Realizing I would have to replace my shades, and realizing they come in two classes, I went to get myself some cheap sunglasses. Alas, I was unable to beat the masses, but I got the sunglasses anyway. Behold:

They're almost more like goggles than sunglasses, since I had to get them specially designed to fit over the gigantic frog-eyes I developed after I foolishly went outside at noon, exposing myself to the daily rain of radioactive isotope. In addition to the eyes, of course, the radioactive rain gave me the ability to read minds and turned me into a psychopath. Say my name! Say my name!!

The result of the new physiological peculiarities and the new sunglasses is, of course, a new look:

I even wear them...at night.

Yeah, man. Anyway, in other news, I have a friend here who makes rosaries and chaplets, and I wanted to show off the nice St. Philomena chaplet she recently made for me. St. Philomena is, of course, the [unofficial] patron saint and muse of struggling Catholic sf writers.

That's three white beads representing St. Philomena's purity and in honor of the Blessed Trinity, followed by thirteen red beads for the number of years she lived until her martyrdom. A St. Philomena medal goes on the end of the tail, and my friend also affixed a Marian icon in the middle. The prayers are an Apostle's Creed followed by three Our Fathers, followed by this thirteen times:

Hail, O holy Saint Philomena, whom I acknowledge, after Mary, as my advocate with the Divine Spouse; intercede for me now and at the hour of my death. Saint Philomena, beloved daughter of Jesus and Mary, pray for us who have recourse to thee.

Darak the Dragonsaint loves his St. Philomena chaplet.

Well, that's all I had to say. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm just gonna stand here and look cool.