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Welcome Tiberius

2009-07-03T11:10:00.003-06:00

Since the disappearance of Lyric, our family has been short a kitty and feeling it, so we decided it is time to get a new cat. After looking around a bit, we found the one for us, and he is, I am convinced, the cutest kitten of all time. He's sitting on my lap and playing with the tie to my pajama pants as I write this.

He's just two months old and cycles rather rapidly from super energetic/playful to super sleepy/cuddly. He's a longhair seal point of some sort with blue eyes and little lynx tufts at the tips of his ears. And he has the tiniest little meow and purr. He's adorable. I'll get some pictures of him up here sometime if I can ever figure out how to get pictures to the computer from my phone (my only camera) (I spent at least an hour trying to do that back on the post about Lyric missing, as I have some great pictures of Lyric there, but it ended with no fruit and a lot of tears).

We named our new kitty Tiberius after discussing a number of Roman names (to match our other cat, Julius). ("I like Tiberius." Tiberius was not a popular emporer. What a moody guy." "Well at least it's better than Caligula or something." "Whatever, Tiberius practically made Caligula into what he was, killing his whole family and introducing him to a world of decadence and vice at a very early age." "He wasn't all bad, though.") We liked the ring to it, and decided he's named after James Tiberius Kirk, rather than Tiberius the Roman emperor because Captain Kirk is a better man than Tiberius was. The deal was sealed by making his full name Tiberius Kirk Kelley. My brother-in-law Tylor lives with us, so they are Big Ty and Little Ty. Tiberius also answers to Tae Bo.

Julius has moved from hatred to annoyance to tolerance of Tiberius in the few days we've had him, so we hope that the chain will continue from tolerance to acceptance to friendship. He didn't get along with Lyric for the first week or so that we had him, but they soon after became good pals, so we expect that will be the same story here. When Tiberius first met Julius, he immediately ran up and nuzzled the heck out of Julius' legs (most likely Tiberius hasn't dealt with cats that aren't his littermates before, so he probably expected all cats to be nice) which was so cute except that Julius hissed and swatted at him in return. Tiberius now struggles with his desire for Julius' affection and his fear of him. He'll follow Julius all over the house, but will turn and run when Julius notices. Yesterday, though, there were a few very cute minutes when Tiberius decided that Julius' tail would be a fun thing to pounce on repeatedly and Julius just lay there contentedly taking it, so I expect things will be just fine in their relationship.

Speaking of those quick cycles, the kitty who was playing with my pants tie and who I couldn't keep off the keyboard when I started writing this is now sleeping in my lap. Man, he's so fluffy and tiny. I love him.

Rest In Peace, Michael Jackson

2009-06-25T17:41:00.000-06:00

Farrah Fawcett's death would have been a huge story if it hadn't been completely overshadowed.

If only Anna Nicole Smith had chosen today to die...

Garden Party Failure

2009-06-20T16:07:00.003-06:00

June 13th -- fabulous party scheduled, but postponed due to rain.

June 20th -- fabulous party rescheduled, but canceled due to rain.

And this week we're moving to an apartment in Orem and will no longer have a yard. Such a shame.

Why is it that ever since it's been warm out, the weather has been gorgeous all week, but then pours on the weekends?

Come Home Kitty...please

2009-06-18T22:55:00.004-06:00

My cat Lyric has been missing for about a week now. It's really quite distressing for me, Trevor, and our other cat Julius. We've asked around the neighborhood, checked the local animal shelter, worriedly scanned the roadkill on nearby streets and no sign of him. I bought new kitty toys and cat food bowls and kitty treat food hoping that it would entice him home (I know he has no way of knowing that, but I'm not a rational person when it comes to my cats). He goes on outdoor kitty adventures from time to time, but he's never been gone for more than a couple days before.

Lyric is such a good cat. He's beautiful and has so much personality. And lets me hold him like a baby. And has wolf fur. And meows like he's been smoking for 30 years. And he's so affectionate. And I just love him. He's an important part of our little family. I've been crying too much lately, worried about him.

If he doesn't come home by the end of the month, we'll probably get another cat, which will be nice, but nobody can replace Lyric. Such a sweet cat. And if he never shows up and we never know why he disappeared, I'll forever explain it with a vision of an old lady taking him in. This old lady has grandchildren who visit frequently who love to play with and pet Lyric and they spoil him with all the people food he wants and she doesn't mind when he climbs up on the keyboard, which for some reason is his favorite place in the house to lie...he is happy there and it will be okay.

Engineering Challenge!

2009-06-12T15:19:00.001-06:00

So today at my work, we did the following team-building exercise:

In 15 minutes, use these ingredients to assemble the tallest tower you can (three or four people per team; no added support from walls or ceilings or people) :

15 - standard popsicle sticks
12 - skewers (10"-ish)
10 - wood clothes pins
10 - rubber bands
10 - pipe cleaners
6 - 3" cubes of floral foam
6 - styrofoam bowls
5 - styrofoam cups
2 - standard containers of Playdough
1 - roll of duct tape

Since I am who I am (my engineer father's daughter), I took this task very seriously and was disappointed when at the end, my team's tower toppled over before measuring took place. The highest point in the rubble measured 8.5", so that was our finishing score. The winning team's tower was 96". Me and one of my coworkers decided to take our 15-minute break immediately afterward and attempted to assemble what we thought the winning tower would be (key to our plan: more duct tape than anything else), but at the end of our break we were only about halfway through the planned construction so that kind of failed.

So now I'm leaving it up to you. I triple-dog-dare you to build a better tower than the winning team. Perhaps as a FHE activity or a weekend activity with friends. You probably don't even have to buy all of the ingredients; I don't think any of the teams ended up using the Playdough. And then send me a picture and I'll show my boss and lie and say I did it. Because I'm ashamed of my failed attempts.

How To Dress For A Garden Party

2009-05-31T23:22:00.003-06:00

As a lover of themed parties, I am very excited for the garden fête I'll be hosting in a couple weeks. However, some of my potential guests have already expressed the age-old question "But what will I wearrrrr!?" For those of you experiencing trepidation about this, I present:

A Tutorial

Garden parties have long been a way for sophisticated people to entertain guests while showing off the grounds on their estate and wearing fabulous outfits. Since the grounds of my estate consist of a average-sized lawn in average condition and one flowering bush that technically belongs to the backyard neighbor (that I'm praying is still in healthy-looking bloom by the time of the party), the fabulous outfit part is of utmost importance. The rules are fairly simple: dress up and dress for the summery outdoors. From there you can go a lot of different directions. (Another rule I would like to add is: wear something you wouldn't wear normally. It'll make it more fun, I promise.)

As garden parties have been around so long, every generation has it's own take on costume. Since I expect many outfit pieces will be coming from thrift stores, and as everyone has their own particular favorite styles, all eras are acceptable. Take your inspiration from whatever suits your fancy (and whatever you have the pieces for). Be Emma Woodhouse at a garden party. Be Scarlett O'Hara at a garden party. Be Daisy Buchanan at a garden party. Be Jackie Kennedy at a garden party. Whatever suits your fancy. (Men can similarly be Mr. Knightly, Rhett Butler, Jay Gatsby, Jack Kennedy.) I personally will be wearing a dress my mother bought for a dance in the late 70s/early 80s sometime, but it has a kind of turn-of-the-century feel to it (no more detail than that, it's a fantastic piece and worth coming to the party to see). Have fun with it.

Women

Wearing a dress is expected, though if you want to be the girl that rocks a white pantsuit or something, more power to you. Light fabrics (in color and weight) are recommended, as it will be warm out, but don't limit yourself if you are in love with that navy dress. When looking for a dress, feminine details like lace, ruffles, and ribbons are a good idea. I know you all have at least one outfit you wear to church or weddings or such in the summertime, so if you don't have the time/money to go all out, that outfit will be fine (particularly when paired with some good accessories).

The key to doing this right is accessories. Hats and/or parasols will help protect your complexion from the sun and add a unmistakable air of refinement to your ensemble (a slide show of appropriate and inappropriate hats here). Fans, gloves, brooches, handkerchiefs, etc. will also be excellent additions to your look. A collage of some appropriate accessories:

Men

Men should probably wear a suit. If not, then perhaps a dress shirt with a vest or sweater. Classic suit pieces can be worked into various personas: the prep student, the country gentleman, the old-school gangster, the barbershop quartet guy(?). Do what feels right to you. As with the women, fabrics should be light in color and weight (all of you who spent $1000+ on a designer white linen suit once and then never really had on occasion to wear it, here's your chance, you can thank me later). Ties and hats are definitely a good way to give your outfit a little flair. There are numerous options out there for ties and hats, so have fun with it. You may not, however, wear a piano key tie or one of those hats with a little spinner on top. If you show up in either, you will be forced to sit in a timeout corner while everyone else sips their mint juleps and gossips about you (in the most genteel way we can manage: "Harold has rather let himself go since Evelyn left." "It comes down to bad breeding, I say") . Other appropriate accessories include: handkerchiefs, canes, pocket watches, cuff links.

Follow these rules and this could be you:

Additional Tips and Inspirational Photos

Don't be afraid of lots of white. Labour Day is months off:

Do reconnaissance at other garden parties if you have the chance. Me and Extraordinarily-Well-Dressed Guy at a recent garden party (the party was pretty terrific; mine will be better):
Wear something you can move in somewhat for croquet and badminton. The Most Awesome Badminton Outfit Ever:

I hope this is helpful. See you at the party! (Note: if anyone reading this wants to attend, will be in the area on June 13th, and didn't get an invitation via facebook, let me know and I'll give you details.)

In Defense of the Payday Loan Industry

2009-05-30T19:01:00.002-06:00

NOTE: SHORT TERMS LOANS PROVIDE THE CASH NEEDED TO MEET IMMEDIATE SHORT-TERM CASH FLOW PROBLEMS. THEY ARE NOT A SOLUTION FOR LONGER TERM FINANCIAL PROBLEMS FOR WHICH OTHER KINDS OF FINANCING (SUCH AS CREDIT CARDS, AN OVERDRAFT LOAN OR A LOAN FROM FRIENDS OR FAMILY) MAY BE MORE APPROPRIATE AND AFFORDABLE. YOU MAY WANT TO DISCUSS YOUR FINANCIAL SITUATION WITH A NONPROFIT CREDIT COUNSELING SERVICE AVAILABLE TO CONSUMERS EXPERIENCING FINANCIAL PROBLEMS IN YOUR COMMUNITY.

I've spent about 25% of my adult life working in the payday loan industry and am pretty much used to it by now: "So what do you do for a living?...oh, well, uh, hope you feel good about that." I hear it from my own coworkers fairly frequently: "I can't believe these people don't realize how much we're screwing them over." Yes, that is me, I take advantage of poor people who are lured in by the promise of quick cash and then are overwhelmed with 700%, 800%, 900% interest. I'm a loan shark. I'm a terrible person. I should probably switch to something more moral, like dealing heroin.

Anyway, I'd like to set the record straight for anyone out there judging me (yes, President Obama, that includes you and your support of the proposed 36% APR interest cap...since you totally read my blog...):

Let's consider, for a moment, a man named Harold. Harold works hard to feed/shelter/entertain himself and his family, and is generally able to do so, but rarely has anything left over by the next paycheck. Harold runs into some sort of financial emergency: an unexpected medical bill, a car repair bill, a check deposited from a while ago that he had forgotten he wrote. Whatever the case my be, he needs money immediately and won't have anything until his next paycheck, 12 days from now. He doesn't have any friends or family members who can afford to loan him the money. He only needs $200-$500 to get him through, and banks don't really give out loans that small. What is he supposed to do?

Whatever the case may be, thousands, if not millions, of Americans live paycheck to paycheck like Harold, and most run into financial emergencies at some point. For some it's their own fault, for others it's not, but the fact of the matter is they are there and and no increase in minimum wage or other government intervention I can think of will ever change that fact. What are these people supposed to do?

Now, let's go to a company called Hip Hip Hurray Early Payday (you would not believe how many hypothetical company names I made up before finding one that didn't turn out to already be a real company). This company has acquired some money and decided to divide it up into $300 lumps to give out small payday loans. The goal is to make money for the company, but not charge too much that they don't have any customers. The costs of marketing, credit checks and manual underwriting that goes into each loan before it is ever funded is about $60 (the amount varies somewhat from company to company on this, depending on how careful they are about who to fund loans to and how large the company is, but from my experience and research, $60 is fairly typical). So to be breaking even on a $300 loan for two weeks, the APR would need to be 520% ($60 times 26 two-week periods in a year divided by $300). A little higher than 36%, yes?

Except there is another factor: payday loans are high risk loans. A rather high percentage (it would be compromising to share statistics from the companies I've worked for, and I'm not really sure what industry average is, but let's just say you would likely be surprised at how high it is) of the loans that Hip Hip Hurray gives out never pay back even the full $300. So, unfair as it may be, in order to provide the service they do, the people who do pay back the loans have to cover the funds lost from the people who don't pay. So the APR would need to be higher than the 520% we already calculated to be breaking even. And obviously to be making a profit, it would need to go up from there.

Granted, many people don't pay off the loan in full on their first payday and pay more interest as they extend the loan, so Hip Hip Hurray can perhaps afford to go a little lower on the fees there. Some people think it's wrong to count on people not being able to pay off their loan in time in order to make any profit, but that's how the majority of financial institutions in this world work (banks, credit card companies, etc.) so Hip Hip Hurray is not too torn up about it. Virtually nobody takes a full year to pay off a payday loan, so for those who think that 800% APR means that someone getting a $300 loan is paying back $2400, that's just ridiculous. We're really not that terrible.

If our pal Harold decides to get a payday loan to make ends meet and has been smart about planning how quickly he will pay it off, it is quite likely that he will end up being charged less from Hip Hip Hurray Early Payday than he would be from his bank if his financial emergency causes a few NSF charges (not to mention it looks better for his credit to have received a loan and paid it off rather than to have gone in the hole with his bank). And it's entirely possible that his payday loan has saved him from future financial trouble that would be worse than the interest he will pay. I've heard many stories from people I'm funding loans to (because of the stigma attached to the deal, I think a lot of people feel like they need to justify why they're doing it to the company they're getting a loan from) about how they would loose their job if they can't pay to fix their car to get to work or how they would have to pay an insanely high re-turn-on charge if their utilities get turned off because they couldn't pay the bill...that sort of thing. It can be worth your money to get the loan in a number of situations.

So basically moral of the story: I'm not destroying peoples lives constantly at my job. I'm providing a unique service and charging what I feel are reasonable rates for it. If you still have a problem with it, I'd actually love to hear what you think, as I'd hopefully have an answer and can add another bit to my "payday loans aren't pure evil" speech that I give from time to time to friends and coworkers. And if I don't have an answer for it and discover the error of my ways...so be it. It'll be easy to find another, more fulfilling job right? Right?

I Love My Mom (two weeks too late)

2009-05-24T16:00:00.000-06:00

I am incredibly blessed to be a part of the family that I am in. And one of the top reasons that my family is so awesome: my incredible mother. It's kind of a cliche concept, but I'll say it anyway because it's just so dang true: The older I get, the more I realize how much my mother has done for me over the years. And so, here is the post I meant to write on Mother's Day, but didn't really get to until today.

A Few Reasons My Mother is Awesome (incomplete list; no particular order):

Mom has always encouraged music in our home. She taught me how to play piano. She has attended about every band and orchestra concert I and my siblings have participated in (which is a lot). She has purchased so many instruments and music accessories and driven her children to so many lessons and practices over the years. She participates whole-heartedly in the sing-a-long fests that occur rather often in the car and at the dinner table in my family. Music has brought so much joy into my (and the rest of my family's) life and the time and enthusiasm Mom put into bringing it into our home has made that possible.
My mother has spent countless hours of her life up late helping make costumes and science fair boards and a variety of other projects for her children. Some of my favorite childhood memories come from those late nights with me and Mom up late, a little slaphappy, and making petit fours for French class or whatever. I admire her willingness to sacrifice and be there for her children with whatever they are doing.
Mom is one of the most kindhearted people I have ever met. To everybody. In kind of an odd way, living with her kindness has made me a much more open-minded person than I think I would be without it. She has a hard time with being critical of people, so I grew up hearing over and over things like "He's a good man, just doesn't understand...", "I'm sure she's doing what she thinks is right", "You don't know why he choose that, perhaps [insert explanation that paints him the the best light here]". And she's always on the lookout for ways to help the people around her. She's a good woman like that.
I can never doubt my mother's love for me. How excited she gets when I'm on the phone or visiting makes me feel like the most special person in the world.
My mother is also a smart woman. My father is more of an intellectual than she is, so I think growing up I didn't recognize this as much as I should have (don't worry Mom, I never thought you were dumb or anything, I just didn't always have as much respect for your intelligence as I do now). But she knows her stuff. She can hold her own in conversations about a wide variety of topics and loves to learn. She always fostered learning in our home and these days is a little bit of a look-it-up-online junkie whenever she doesn't know something, which is awesome.
I love Mom's ability to laugh at herself. She can be really hilarious when embarrassed and I think it's a terrific quality.

Anyway, I know most everyone thinks their mom is great, but I just love mine, thank you for indulging me. I admire so much about her and am grateful that she's been there for me my whole life. I can only hope to be as good of a mother as she is someday.

A Letter To The Producers of the English Language

2009-05-10T13:10:00.002-06:00

To whom it may concern:

I have been using your product for my entire life (minus the while before I was trained in its use and a few semesters in Mme Sacco's class) and want to let you know that I'm quite pleased with it. It has met or exceeded my needs in nearly every occasion I've used it. However, I have a couple suggestions for the next patch you release:

1) Could you please make a short, one- or two-syllable word for "writing utensil"? I've brought this one up with my friends and family several times over the years, and we all agree that it's definitely in order. It would save us all the unnecessary conversation: "Can I borrow a pen?" "Is a pencil okay?". And I think you would find supporters of this in the marker and crayon industries, as their products are rarely requested for a writing utensil, but would fall under the category of the word you would create, and probably see more usage after its release.

2) I would also like to see a stronger, more positive adjective for someone who does everything with great care. You may have something like this, but I've been trying to think of one for a good long while (as it would be very useful when describing my cat, Julius) and can't think of anything. The only words I can think of for someone who thinks everything through thoroughly before acting or speaking have connotations of weakness, indecisiveness, fear. "Careful", "tentative", "wary", "cautious"...all great words, but none are quite what I'm looking for. And "thoughtful" has another meaning and may get confusing. There is an aspect of intelligence that this quality can signify, but there aren't really any words with that connotation. I'd appreciate one, and I'm sure plenty more of your consumers would find good uses for it.

Thank you for your time. Please feel free to contact me if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

Andrea
American Fork, UT

P.S. Not that this is why I'm writing, but I know that generally when people write into a company like this, they'll get sent coupons or samples, so I've attached a list of words and phrases I commonly use and don't need any more of. Also, I'd like to mention that I'm a huge fan of old-fashioned words/phrases and would greatly appreciate a life-time subscription to a Victorian exclamation or a Shakespearean insult or something along those lines.

Dangerous Dears

2009-05-07T21:20:00.000-06:00

I love looking at classifieds. Even when I'm really happy with my employment, I will look through job postings about once a week. Even though I know I can't afford to buy a house at this point in my life, I will spend a hours every month looking at houses for sale all over the country (a typical project: Do research on weather, culture and such in Portland. Once Portland passes the test, set a price limit. Do research on the pros and cons of different parts of the city. Find the best house.)

But there is: one part of the classifieds that I must avoid. I want them all. Please.

Happy Earth Day Presents The Most Ridiculous Slate Environment Articles

2009-04-22T15:36:00.001-06:00

I spend a fair amount of my internet free time at slate.com. I enjoy Slate because they tend to have interesting, informative articles about a wide variety of subjects and a high percentage of question-format headlines that are highly enticing to the inquisitive mind ("Why isn't there an iTunes for movies?" "It's 2009. Can a movie journalist still save the day?", "Why does Obama want us to forget about torture so quickly?", "How impressed should I be by Susan Boyle's vibrato?", etc., etc., etc.).

However, a certain department of the magazine, The Green Lantern, drives me completely mad. I am part of the Captain Planet generation and care about the environment as much as the next person, but you would not believe some of the articles they come up with. Things you would never think about the environmental impact of are scrutinized with such rigor that you're left amazed...who are these eco-nerds? The worst part is, there is rarely a conclusive verdict, so at the end you just kind of feel guilty about every option. Nothing humans do is 100% environment friendly. But the most overwhelming feeling is...who writes this stuff? And who reads it?

I have never, ever met anyone who micro-manages their life to maximize their ecofriendlyness. With the big stuff (how is my house powered? my car?), the environment at least gets a nod, but even then is not a deal-breaking factor. Granted, I live in Utah and it's not exactly the most concerned-about-the-environment place on earth, but still.

So today, on this Earth Day, I present to you the top ten most ridiculous Green Lantern articles:

Vegans vs. Vegitarians - Which is Better for the Environment?

Are Hardwood Floors a Crime Against The Earth?

Is Cash Better for the Environment than Credit Cards?

How to Send Flowers Without Destroying the Earth

How to Leave an Environmentally Friendly Corpse

Is Your Netflix Queue Destroying the Environment?

What Kind of Tree Should I Plant in My Backyard to Soak Up the Most Carbon?

Can Fun-Size Candy Bars Be Good For the Environment?

Are Revolving Doors More Energy Efficient? What About the Ones That Turn Automatically?

What's the Greenest Form of Birth Control?

I especially love the alarmist words: "destroying the environment" "crime against the Earth". You people with Netflix subscriptions and oak flooring in your houses might as well change your name to Hoggish Greedly. So terrible.

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Earth Day Trivia: When I was looking up the spelling for Hoggish Greedly for this post, I discovered that most of the eco-villains on Captain Planet were voiced by pretty big celebrities: Dr. Blight was originally voiced by Meg Ryan. Sly Sludge was originally voiced by Martin Sheen. Verminous Skumm was Jeff Goldblum. Zarm was Sting. Crazy, huh?

Happy Day After Easter / Every Now And Then I Fall Apart

2009-04-13T23:12:00.005-06:00

How I Spent My Easter

While perhaps not the most fitting celebration of the Resurrection of Christ, Easter in our household mostly consisted of Mike and Trevor sneaking around the house and shooting each other with the dart guns that they got in their Easter baskets. Since this was Mike and Trevor, this involved a lot of elaborate scheming and the acting out of various male gun fantasies (sci-fi setting with laser guns, mafia hit men, cowboy duels, etc.). Brittany and I helped with the retrieving of ammo, the scheming ("Hey, could you help me for a second, I promise Trevor's not in here....Ahhahaha, he is in here!"), and were often held as hostages ("Do you want me to shot this woman?! Step closer and I'll do it!"). It was altogether a fine way to spend a Sunday afternoon.

Also we had an Easter Feast at the in-laws, that somehow turned into me and my mother-in-law singing the full Saturday's Warrior soundtrack while the rest of the family stared at us blankly and/or begged for us to shut up. It was altogether a find way to spend a Sunday evening.

Thoughts On Break-Up Songs

The man who owned my truck before I did was a very old man and he left in the stereo a very-old-man CD that Trevor and I enjoy listening to from time to time. Most of the music on it is from the late 40s/early 50s (a lot of Perry Como, etc.), and the few songs that are more modern are, well...the Carpenters.

Anyway, this morning I was driving to work and decided to listen to the CD rather than my usual public radio regimen (why I choose this morning instead of every single morning during the recent pledge week, I don't know). During the Carpenter's rendition of "Superstar", I had an inexplicable attack of sadness. A moment of introspection revealed the source of this sadness: I had never listened to this song during a break-up and here I am married and I never plan on having a break-up again. But the song would be so good for it. "Don't you remember you told me you loved me baby?" I know it sucks and I know that any of you currently going through a break-up want to punch me in the face for saying it, but man, heartbreak is an amazing emotional experience.

Music is never truly appreciated until listened to after a hard break-up. I don't care how cheesy that sounds, because it's true. You have not been truly human until you have bitterly sung along to the Whitney Houston version of "I Will Always Love You" after having your heart broken. Or something equivalent.

Certain people (males) have an alternate version of this which involves angry, Rage Against the Machine type stuff, but I refuse to believe that it has the same redeeming power as "Alone" by Heart.

It is very nice being in a very secure relationship, and I certainly wouldn't trade it for the oppotunity to sing "Unbreak My Heart" and feel it, but I'm just saying, enjoy those moments when you have them. It's a worthwhile experience. I will always love the Format's Dog Problems album for getting me through a summer of heartbreak. And music's a much healthier outlet than the ice cream or alcohol or whatever kids do these days plans.

Dreams

2009-03-28T10:39:00.004-06:00

I had a dream about make-up shopping on Tuesday and another one last night, so today I went make-up shopping.

Somewhere out there, William Lauder and Bobbi Brown are laughing maniacally and congratulating each other on the success of their neurotransmitter.

Drinking the Lake We're Drowning In

2009-03-20T08:24:00.004-06:00

One thing that has always been hard for me to handle is knowing that I will never be able to do or learn all the things I want to do in life. I will never be fluent in every language; it's unlikely I'll ever be fluent in more than English. My house will never be 100% clean and organized; I can't even stay on top of the dishes most days. I will never understand entirely the politics and economies and cultures of the various nations of the world regardless of the effort I put into learning as much as I can about that sort of thing. I will never read every book that would be interesting and/or useful to have read. And thinking about what I don't know about the sciences is too frustrating to bother with. I just want to meet every person who has ever lived on earth, have a good long discussion with them about their life and all the wisdom and knowledge they have acquired over it's course and experience everything they've experienced (skipping over parts that involve physical pain, of course; there are some things I don't care if I ever experience, and what it feels like to have your fingernails pulled off in a Vietnamese prison camp is one of them, thank you). After that, can someone please explain to me how everything that humans don't understand yet works? (Side note: Notice how people always throw a "yet" into a statement about the limits of human knowledge? I love that.)

I have to believe in life and learning after death. I'd go completely mad without it.

I'm still alive.

2009-03-11T12:00:00.004-06:00

Work keeps me really busy, but I love my job. Minus overbearing perfume lady.

Life is good. Just living it...I don't really have much to say, but feel guilty when I don't update. Not that I should.

So...uhh...CUTE KITTEN:
Time for Papa John's.

Update #280

2009-02-22T12:43:00.004-07:00

It has been a few weeks, so here are the exciting things that have happened since last post:

1. We spent Valentine's weekend in Vegas with some friends. 88% of the trip was spent with Chad (who goes by Kain, but I think that's stupid, so I'm calling him Chad) driving around saying "I know where it is; we just need to turn around here...oh no, that's not it, let's go back...no, hold on, I know where it is..." Nonetheless, it was a good time. We ate some delicious food, stayed in a trippy hotel that I'm pretty sure is haunted (The Artisan), and did some fabulous shopping with money we didn't have.

2. I bought a truck a couple weeks ago. It's an ugly baby blue '86 (same age as me!) (also the song, "Walk Like an Egyptian"!) Nissan pickup and I love it. Having your own means of transportation that is not walking is the greatest thing of all time. Those of you that live in the area and have need for a truck to help move things sometime, give me a call. The years of bumming rides need to be paid back.

3. A week ago, I busted my manager at work for embezzlement. This is by far the most exciting thing that has ever happened in my work experience. He, who I will hereafter refer to as "Justin Berry" because that's his name, was funding loans to his own accounts. Under my name. Yes, friends, Justin would log into our software as me whenever he was doing something illegal. Luckily, I was the one that first brought this to the owner's attention and luckily he did some of his "work" from his home IP address, so I wasn't a suspect for longer than maybe 10 minutes, but still...it makes me furious. I've worked side by side with this man for a month and I thought we were friends. I still feel a little sick when I think about it. He has been incarcerated and will hopefully be sitting in jail for a chunk of his life for this and I am now the senior employee (it's a very new company, Justin was the first person they ever hired and I was the second) (also, I got a payraise shortly after this was all cleared up), so I suppose it's all good now. But yeah, it's crazy. We're still working to straighten up the mess he has created. In all, it was around $7500 that he stole over the period of a month. Fun stuff.

You Think You're Doing Something Special...

2009-02-04T20:18:00.004-07:00

Some of you on facebook may have already witnessed this glory of a roommate routine (ah, the roommate routine...) filmed shortly before I got married, but it has recently been uploaded on youtube, so the whole world can see:

However, while searching youtube for the clip, I discovered we're not the only people in the world who have done this. Not that I honestly think it's particularly special or extraordinarily creative, but are you kidding me?:

Our choreography is better. If only Savannah wasn't off on every single one of the bicycling parts...

My Research Skills Haven't Quite Reached Perfection...

2009-02-03T20:30:00.000-07:00

Apparently February 3rd is the day the music died. I suck.

Trivia for All!

2009-02-02T18:31:00.004-07:00

Yesterday (Super Bowl Sunday):

If the Super Bowl were a nation, it's gross national product would be roughly equal to that of North Korea.
Antacid sales increase 20% on the day after the Super Bowl.
The use of Roman numerals to denote which Super Bowl it is started with Super Bowl V and was used solely because the guy in charge of it (I can't remember what the position is called; NFL management is not an area where I have a lot of broad knowledge) at the time hated the name "Super Bowl" and wanted to make it a little more classy. (Also, I'm convinced the sole reason today's children are taught Roman numerals past Rocky V, is so they can know what Super Bowl we're on.)
More guacamole is consumed in America on Super Bowl Sunday than any other day of the year except Cinqo de Mayo.

Today (Groundhog Day):

Punxsutawney (known for their Groundhog Day celebrations simply because they put the most effort into it) has predicted six more weeks of winter over 90% of the time (since 1887), but this has been correct only 39% of the time.
Groundhog Day started as some combination of the Christian holiday of Candlemas, (celebrating the presentation of Jesus at the Temple) and the pagan holiday Imbolc (which marks the day exactly between the Winter Solstice and the Spring Equinox). I'm not exactly sure how this progressed into a groundhog predicting the weather. But Germans were involved. And possibly Native Americans.
Punxsutawney Phil lives off of dog food and ice cream and lives in a local library.
There is a plaque in Woodstock, IL (where most of the Groundhog Day film was shot) on the curb where Bill Murray's character continuously steps into a puddle that reads "Bill Murray stepped here". I really hope that someday human life is destroyed but this plaque survives and space explorers centuries later assume that Bill Murray had religious significance in our lives.

Tomorrow:

Alberto Gonzales was confirmed as Attorney General on Feb 3, 2005.
February 3rd is completely useless.

I <3 Nurds.

2009-01-27T09:51:00.002-07:00

Last night I was reading an article about Dr. Seuss and apparently the first record of the word "nerd" comes from If I Ran the Zoo. This obviously spurred a research venture into the etymology of the word. And the reason I love nerds so much: they write incredibly well-researched articles (like this) about things like the etymology of "nerd", apparently simply for fun, and share them with the world via the internet. Thank you, nerds of the world.

Inauguration Day

2009-01-20T20:49:00.002-07:00

I would say that one of the greatest tributes to our president's greatness* is the fact that at work this morning, while making calls to people who are getting $300 loans from a web-based payday loan company (aka people who are not the most well-off, educated, or politically aware), I could hear Barack Obama's voice going in the background of the vast majority of households. I asked a few about it and could hear the optimism in their voices as they discussed how proud of their country they are. "I voted for him myself," "He is the man to help us out of the mess the country is in," etc. And I know it's getting to the point of cliche these days, but I still love it: "Yes We Can." It is a bright day.

*I do realize, Mr. Cynical, that this greatness has not been tested with time and obviously there will be disappointments as Obama and his team are not going to be able to solve every problem, but please allow me this day, at least, to believe in hope and change and goodness in my country. And, even you can admit, it is refreshing to be free of that little bit of embarrassment that would come over you and the rest of us whenever someone mentioned the President of the United States over the last few years.

Also, you should all know that I got 100% right on the Inaugural ball gowns quiz on CNN (with no cheating whatsoever). Booyah!

They call me quiet; but I'm a riot.

2009-01-14T22:07:00.003-07:00

Quick update since it's been a couple weeks:

1. Jan 12th was mine and Trevor's one year anniversary. It's really odd that it has already been a year, except for the fact that it's hard to remember life before I was married. We were both horribly ill on anniversary day, so we missed work and scrapped any plans to go out for a romantic evening. We were just sick together and played WoW (I have my own computer and WoW account now, so we can play at the same time, hooray!) and watched stuff on Hulu and we ordered a pizza and it was kind of great in it's own way.

2. I've had the song below stuck in my head for approximately one week now. I wasn't super impressed when I first heard it, but somehow during this time I have unwillingly spent with the thing, it has really grown on me.

Moving to the Country; Gonna Eat a Lot of Peaches.

2008-12-30T19:02:00.005-07:00

Since last Christmas (which was spent with Trevor's family), Trevor and I had been planning on going to California to see my family for Christmas this year. However, we found out sometime mid-December that Trevor would have to work Christmas Day, so that plan seemed like it wouldn't happen. But at the last second, we found out he could get it off (thanks to his ability to make friends with his supervisors), so we rented a car and drove down to California to surprise my family for Christmas. We arrived shortly before Christmas Eve dinner and my mother died of happiness as expected and it was a grand time.

During this trip, Trevor and I spent a good deal of time discussing moving somewhere. Generally to whatever place we happened to be driving through (with a lot of emphasis on Vegas, since we were stuck in traffic there for at least an hour), but the two main factors were: we like warm weather and political/religious/cultural diversity. We do not get those in Utah. We were pretty set on moving as we drove through Nevada and discovered that it wasn't butt-freezing cold ever. I knew we had to move during a tour of Ridgecrest when Trevor expressed amazement at how many non-LDS churches there were in town (in Utah, you're either atheist or Mormon).

I've lived here for almost as long as I've lived anywhere in my life ("here" referring to Utah County; a move from Provo to American Fork doesn't really count as a move, since we still hang out with essentially the same people and the culture and climate are essentially the same). I think the longest I've ever lived in one place at one time was five years between the 6th and 10th grades in Ridgecrest. I'm almost at four-and-a-half years in Utah. And feeling antsy.

Trevor's whole life has been spent in Utah and Salt Lake Counties, so moving somewhere completely different is a little more intimidating to him (I don't mean that in a derogatory way, he's not naive or scared or anything, just inexperienced when it comes to life outside of northern Utah), but he seems to have warmed up to the idea significantly of late.

And so begins the research. Here is a list of things to consider (that I haven't run by Trevor, so maybe he'll differ on some of these, but I think it stands fairly accurate):

Things we care about

no/little snowfall (I'm more fond of snow than Trevor, but both of us agree that we would be fine/really happy without it)
well-educated population
job availability (both of us have the most experience working in the tech industry, but I'm sure we can find good work in any "growing community")
affordable housing that is not next door to a crack dealer
good public transportation
political diversity (liberal-leaning is preferable to conservative-leaning, but anywhere diverse is great)
vibrant music scene
personality of a town/city (we have several personalities we would be happy with, but we would prefer for the place has to have something unique to the feel of it)
air quality/water quality
decent amount of things to do (museums, theaters, restaurants, libraries, parks) (outdoorsy/athletic things to do will be taken into consideration as well, but aren't as important)
pretentiousness (most pretentious places are probably already ruled out with the "affordable housing" requirement, but it is something that will absolutely not be tolerated)
decent population of people in their 20s

Things we don't care about

hot weather (both of us are fine with 100+ degrees).
professional sports in the area
fabulous shopping (decent options are necessary, obviously, but we're fine without a plethora of designer outlets at our fingertips)
tax rates of different states
physical attractiveness of the general population

Any suggestions?

Office Christmas Luncheon-rrific

2008-12-23T12:48:00.004-07:00

The office I work at has approximately 25 employees. Four of us are female. Approximately three of us are under the age of 30. I am the only female under the age of 40. This has its advantages and disadvantages.

Advantage: I am, by far, the most fashionable person in the office.

Disadvantage: At office events, I tend to stand by myself while a bunch of 45-year-old men talk about whatever 45-year-old men talk about.

I spent today's office party pretending to be occupied with my food, standing near a conversation about college football desperately wracking my brains for something I could say to join their little circle. Eventually I caught wind of a video game conversation across the room and figured I'd have better luck with that (the football conversation was initially chosen because I figured I'd be more likely to have something to say there than in the the house prices conversation or the let's-recall-the-plot-of-every-Bond-film-ever conversation), so I migrated. But even that showed no promise, as the emphasis was on shooter games that came out 5+ years ago, so I'd only heard of a few of them and played none of them. There were brief glimmers of hope from time to time, but the only times games I have played before were mentioned, it was in passing (when a game was described as being "open world, like World of Warcraft", I wanted to scream "I can hold my own in a WoW conversation better than probably any other game! Please continue this thread!", but no such luck). I never said a word.

And now I am back at my desk, as the luncheon continues downstairs. I'd just rather do my job than try to make friends with my coworkers.

Black Smoke Siberian: Mission Accomplished!

2008-12-19T10:00:00.011-07:00

My cat Lyric is a very unique cat in looks and personality. I know most people would say this about their pet, but anybody who knows Lyric knows it's especially true for him. I've been on a quest to pinpoint his breed ever since we got him. Not that I think he's a pure-bred show cat or anything (we got him through PetsMart Charities for $85), but he's unique enough that I've always been pretty sure that he has some pedigree blood in him. I haven't been searching diligently or anything, but for some time now, when I'd get bored with anything else I could do on the internet, I'd read about cat breeds and try to find something that sounded like him.

I had a breakthrough yesterday when I discovered that the cat fancier's term for fur like Lyric's (we've always called it "wolf fur") is "smoke". A smoke cat is a cat with hairs that are white on the inside and colored on the ends (like a natural blonde who dyed her hair darker a couple months ago and hasn't touched up her roots since). I normally refer to Lyric as a gray cat, but the proper term is "black smoke" because his real color is black, he's just missing pigment near the roots. (Cat trivia: cats come in red smoke, calico smoke, tabby smoke, etc. as well).

At this point, I read up on cats that come in black smoke and the description of Siberians jumped out immediately. He seemed to fit the description of the basics (like face shape and build), but when I got into specifics, he seems downright typey. The fur of a Siberian will get much thicker in the wintertime; we've definitely noticed Lyric getting fluffier the last month or so. Siberians are known to get along with other cats and unknown humas exceptionally well; Lyric has never had trouble with this (it took Julius a while to get used to Lyric when we first got him, but none of it was Lyric's fault). A Siberian cat will let you "hold him like a doll"; Lyric totally lets me do this (so much so that I've thought for a long time that he probably has some Ragdoll in him). The clincher for me was that several sites described Siberians as having a "dog-like personality". We've been saying this about Lyric for ages (he is a wolf cat in looks and personality). The only thing that didn't seem to fit: Siberians are supposed to be fairly quiet cats, and Lyric is one of the loudest cats of all time, but that seems minor, as the noise factor wasn't a major part of any Siberian descriptions I read.

I started looking at pictures the internet provided of black smoke Siberians (and compared them to other pictures of black smoke cats, because I'm a carfeul researcher like that), and there's no doubt in my mind that Lyric is very closely related to these (I wish I had a picture of Lyric himself, but I don't have a camera):

A very Lyric position:

A little browner than Lyric, but I bet he looked a lot like this as a kitten:

Santa Lyric:This one looks EXACTLY like Lyric (in the summer), If you told me this is a picture of him, I'd believe you:Old Lyric (especially if he continues his eating habits):

Lyric when he lets his ear hair grow out:

Most of the cats in the pictures above are pure-bred and would easily sell for $900+. Siberians are rare in the US (they weren't imported from Russia until after the Cold War) and the black smoke variety is particularly rare. I'm glad we got Lyric the way we did (saving a cat from euthanization > paying tons of money for a pet). I just love him.

Note: This post is essentially about how great Lyric is and I just want to mention that I love my other cat, Julius Caesar, just as much as I love Lyric. Let nobody accuse me of favoritism. And it may be one of the most common cat types, but isn't he an adorable domestic shorthair red mackerel tabby?(The picture is genuine Julius. Thank you MacKenna and facebook.)