Punk Rock Blog

FREE CLOTHES!!!!!!

2009-06-19T15:54:00.000-04:00

Hey everyone,

Heads up! TooFast is undergoing spring cleaning...err.. summer cleaning. While supplies last, we are GIVING away free crap! When you place an order, write down in the order notes section the gender and size you want and we'll ship you out a FREE thing. These things are old designs, one-offs, oddballs, sliighhttllyy imperfects, etc. Get 'em while they last because they won't be around forever!

TOO FAST SPONSERS THE CATWALK TRAGEDY

2009-04-08T06:49:00.002-04:00

Hey All,

Too Fast Clothing will be sponsoring the first round of the upcoming Catwalk Tragedy Tour in Philadelphia. The event will be held at the Trocadero Theatre on May 2nd starting at 7pm. For more info on the upcoming event check out www.myspace.com/catwalktragedytour OR SEE BELOW:

Catwalk Tragedy returns to the Trocadero on May 2nd 2009!!! following our official pre-party OBSCURA on May 1st!TICKETS for Catwalk Tragedy Philly 2009 May 2nd @ 7pm $16

What IS the Catwalk Tragedy National Tour?!

Catwalk Tragedy is the definitive showcase for modern alternative beauty in all its forms, a different kind of beauty pageant for both men and women who bask in image as an art form as well as a way of life. No longer content hiding in the shadows these guys and gals strut their stuff center stage and rock the runway with fire and fury. The underground explodes into the spot light ready to demand credit and recognition in the fashion world which has always pretended to ignore them… while stealing their best ideas. This event has proven over and over that the world doesn't fear tattoos, piercings, blue or green hair in a Mohawk… it craves them. The world’s canvas is a prettier piece of art because of them.
So we invite you all to come out of your dance clubs, tattoo shops, skate parks, and virtual worlds and embrace the glitz and the glamour as the side show spectacle takes over the circus.
A night for all of us, where the norm is not the norm, a chance to not only be celebrated for being different but to take style and fashion to a new level.
Wether hipster, metal, goth, gay, punk, tattooed, or emo labels are incinerated when Tragedy hits the Catwalk.

SPRING NEW STUFF AND FACEBOOK

2009-04-03T15:55:00.002-04:00

Howdy Ho!! Quick note to let you know what’s goin on at www.TooFastonline.com..The season between winter and summer is upon us, along with all the clichés that go along with it, which I need not repeat. Let me fill ya in. Here’s all the new news..

FACEBOOK:
Check it out, we are so sad and blue because we have no new friends like you! Too Fast is now on Facebook. Befriend us or I will have to hunt you down and kill you! Here’s the link: http://www.facebook.com/srch.php?nm=too+fast+brand

NEW LOWBROW:
The low down on the low brow is that we’re dishin’ out more Lowbrow products. Check ‘em out in their own categories under girls n’ guys.

IRON FIST:
The hottest news since the California fires: Iron Fist. Need I say more? Really. You’ve got to check out these shoes. If you dig eye catchin’, horror sportin’, artsy, inexpensive, louder ’n’ bombs colored shoes, you have to catch a pair. They’re flyin’ fast, so check back frequently for stock numbers. I wasn’t just bein’ cute with the whole “catch” bit. We cant keep our hands on them! We sold out in one day of the Zombie Stomper heels, but not to worry more is on the way now! They will be back in stock by weeks end..so check back.

LONG SLEEVED BABYDOLLS ON SALE..16.00 EACH!!
With the weather bein’ different and all, we’ve started spring cleaning. That means keepin’ a fist fulla ducketts while puttin’ some cool ass threads on your back, butt, and other extremities. Most notably, long sleeve babydolls are on some blow-out-low-down-clearance sale. Get ‘em till they’re gone gone gone like the snow and me complainin’ about not having heat.

SUPPORT YOUR SCENE:
And once more with a good ol’ shameless plug, Full Blown Cherry guys tees and gals babydolls are up, on, and ready to ship. Dig ‘em, because Daddy needs a new amp. Are you ready for summer? I sure as hell am. If you ain’t so hip to the webernets yet, we do have some myspaces (myspaci?) for you to friend up. www.myspace.com/toofastonline and www.myspace.com/fullblowncherry. We got a facebook too, if you know how the hell to use that thing. Blogs, comments, droppin’ lines, and good ol’ bulletins to keep ya’ll informed.

New Hair Bows and Hair Pins are in stock now!

2009-03-23T10:50:00.005-04:00

Just a quick note to let you know our newest hair bows and hair pins are in stock! They are super cute and sturdy. Check em out!

2009-03-20T10:28:00.002-04:00

Hey! Hardcore fans! This year we will be peddlin' sweet threads at Bamboozled. No word yet on an exact location of the booth yet, but we're kind of hard to miss. No big deal. Between knockin' each others teeth out or whatever ya'll do in those mosh pits, check us out, stop n' say hi and grab some new duds. The new corsets are movin' quickly so get 'em while the gettin's good. Also for the ladies we have our own hair accessories hot off the..mold.. or.. factory.. or whatever the hell they do to make them.

We're going to try to bang out a weekly blog for the local (Philadelphia/NJ/DE area) punk, rockabilly, psychobilly and otherwise shows. If you know of some events, feel free to shoot an email to retail@toofastonline.com. (begin shameless plug) Full Blown Cherry will be playing Jack's Twin Bar in Gloucester City on March 27th. Stop in and say hey.(end shameless plug)

Too Fast is hitting the road!

2009-02-25T09:41:00.002-05:00

Hey Guys and Gals,

This year Too Fast will be hitting the road and coming to a town near you! We will be posting locations where we will be coming to in our blog section here and also on our myspace. Come see us in person and check out all the new clothing we have just added to the website. Here's our upcoming events for the next month. Hope to see you there!

Philadelphia Tattoo Arts Convention
Sheraton City Center
17th and Race St
Philadelphia, PA 19103
February 27- March 1st

Monster Mania
Crowne Plaza Hotel
Cherry Hill, NJ
March 13-15
www.monstermania.net

New Products!

2009-01-22T11:22:00.003-05:00

Hey Guys n' Dolls,
Too Fast has added new products to its collection including books for the reading types, lunchboxes for the hungry types, and headbands for the ladies. There's also plenty more apparel added from Tripp, NYC. Jackets, skinny jeans, shirts and more! Just in time for Valentine's day for that special someone.

Check out these and the rest of the new products:

My First Cocktail Lunchbox

Tattoos by Mitch O'Connell

Tripp Pink N Black Cheetah Kat Dress

Black And White Polkadotted Skull Headband

Attention Philly Area! Too Fast wants you!

2009-01-12T16:11:00.001-05:00

Attention Philly Area! Too Fast wants you!

Too Fast Clothing will be doing a photo shoot for our new catalog in Gloucester City, NJ on Sunday January 25th (time is TBA). We are seeking male and females with a punk rock and rocker style look.

If you are interested you must be able to provide your own transportation to and from the photo shoot location. This is not a paying gig but you will be able to keep the clothing you model and you will also be placed in our new catalog, you will be on our website and some pictures may be featured in advertisements in Tattoo Magazines.

In order to be considered for the photo shoot please send a full length photo of yourself to sales@toofastonline.com

After Christmas Sale and Shipping Info

2008-12-28T14:02:00.002-05:00

Hi! Hope everyone had an Excellent Holiday! I know we did! Thanks for making this a great year for Too Fast. Just a quick note on after Christmas Orders:

Orders placed after Dec. 23rd 3pm EST will start to ship Monday Dec 29th.
Orders placed after Dec 31st at 1 pm EST will start to ship on Friday Jan. 2nd.
We will not be shipping orders on Jan 1, besides that you should be fine! Here's some huge specials going on now:

TOO FAST END OF YEAR BLOWOUT SALE! UP TO 60% OFF!
Online bargain hunters rejoice! Today we are announcing a massive blowout clearance sale at starting today. The sale will feature discounts up to 60% on items throughout the site, including products from exclusive brands such as Lip Service, Lucky 13, Too Fast, Felon and Sailor Jerry. Shoppers can avoid post-holiday traffic and long lines by scooping up the most popular accessories, and the hottest fashions at the lowest prices of the season from the comfort of their own homes.
Long Sleeved Boatneck Shirts originally $28.00 NOW ONLY $20.00!
Plus Size Long Sleeve Shirts originally $32.00 NOW ONLY $22.00!
Too Fast Capri Pants originally $34.00 NOW ONLY $20.00!
Fidel Caps originally $15.00 NOW ONLY $8.00!

TOO FAST AT THE PUNK ROCK FLEA MARKET February 1st 2009 10:00am to 4:30pm

2008-12-04T20:42:00.005-05:00

YO PHILLY!! COME VISIT WWW.TOOFASTONLINE.COM AT THE PUNK ROCK FLEA MARKET FOR SOME SUPER STEALS ON ALMOST PERFECT MERCH AT HUGE DISCOUNTS!

*THIS* Sunday February 1st 10:00am to 4:30pm
At The Electric Factory (7th and Willow Sts - Just Below 7th and Spring Garden Sts)
All Ages / 21+ To Drink / $3 entry donation

THE PUNK ROCK FLEA MARKET - WINTER EDITION !
(130+ tables of vendors selling old records, clothes, art, music, food, junk, bicycles, stereo equipment, instruments, automobiles, tools, posters, furniture, computers, skateboards and lots of other stuff ! All proceeds goto making sure that all ages shows remain a reality at the first unitarian church !)

It's back! that time again for the bi-annual (twice a year) PUNK ROCK FLEA MARKET. R5's most popular reoccurring event/show/whatever by far. We continually have over 2000 visitors and 100+ tables of old records, clothes, art, music, food, junk, bicycles, stereo equipment, instruments, automobiles, tools, posters, furniture, computers, skateboards and lots of other stuff this past June. It's all going down at The ELECTRIC FACTORY located just below 7th and Spring Garden Sts - a big spacious venue - giving them ability to host over 130 vendors in one single room. Their biggest market to date!
.
All proceeds raised will goto the purchase of necessary equipment and supplies to ensure that all ages shows continue to remain a reality at The First Unitarian Church in Philadelphia - mainly an annual payment for their liability insurance policy. Do not let the "name of the event" lead you to believe that it's just punk records, clothes etc. - it's a full on flea market with everything from furniture, to laptops / computers , to stereo equipment, to handmade apparel, to vegan treats, information from various non profit groups, book stores, artists selling their work, bicycles & skateboards and whatever else they can fit onto the ballroom floor at The Electric Factory .

In addition to the normal flea market stuff there will also be a full bar and food service kitchen to make the day go by a little faster.

TAKE A LOOK AT THE NEWLY UPDATED SELLERS LIST AND WHAT WILL BE AVAILABLE ON SUNDAY :
http://www.r5productions.com/prfm.html

See you this Sunday !
so/sa/r5

Give us a Shout Out People!

2008-11-20T11:43:00.002-05:00

So I am just trying to get some feedback on our clothes! Anyone have any comments? Tell us how you feel, do you like the fit? Do you like the designs? Have any comments on new products, how can we improve our stuff? Anyone have any new ideas for cool stuff? We might use your ideas. Leave your comments here! I would love to hear from ya all!

Too Fast Featured in Prick Magazine's Holiday Gift Guide

2008-11-12T13:02:00.005-05:00

HO HO HO and all that merry merry crap they say! Tis the season for lots of great shopping so far as I can tell and Prick Magazine has a great Holiday Gift Buying Guide you should all check out! Prick's gift guide is filled with the best tattoo gifts and punk presents of the season. And Too Fast Clothing has grabbed up two righteous spots in their first edition of the gift guide, so of course we want you to check it out :) Prick featured our super cute "Tattooed Girl" Cardigan sweater and our new all over printed satin tattoo purse. The purse should be available on www.toofastonline.com next week, just in time for your Punk Rock Christmas needs! If you do not know who Prick magazine is, shame on you..Here's a bit about them:

PRICK is the world's first FREE tattoo, piercing and music lifestyle magazine.
Every month they feature hot ink girls, exclusive tattoo artist interviews and galleries, piercing articles, bands, music reviews, random pricks, phat rides, tattoo threads, tattoo convention coverage and much more.They distribute their mags for free every month nationwide. You can find PRICK in your local tattoo and piercing shops, music venues, record stores, clothing stores, indie shops and other spots.If you can't find PRICK in your town, ask your favorite shop to get some every month. For a preview go to: http://www.prickmag.net/index.html

10 Best Albums of Punk

2007-08-03T09:18:00.000-04:00

Introduction
What is the best punk album of all time? This post is all about the music. All will have their own opinions – and they are invited to share.
The ten albums below have made the list. Agree, disagree, smash a guitar, etc. – and enjoy.

Joy Division – Unknown Pleasures
After the death of Ian Curtis, the remaining members went on to become New Order. The songs call from a distance and were enveloped in dread. One can enjoy the last words of an extremely talented musician listening to this debut.

Black Flag – Damaged
Intense and loud, Rollins and the boys supplied us with fifteen songs of brilliance. With an underlying sense of humor, Black Flag inserted a serious and deranged message into the brains of those that would listen – and there were a lot of us.

Monks – Black Monk Time
This 1966 album by a group of GIs stationed in Germany during Vietnam is historical. The music was fresh, blunt, and angry. Maybe the world wasn’t ready for the truth at the time, but the message would soon be carried on by many others in the 70s.

The Velvet Underground – White Light/White Heat
Full of guitar greatness and detachment from the world, White Light/White Heat was (and is) well respected by creators and appreciators of punk music. Lou Reed and company remained cool amongst a complete tirade of menace.

Radio Birdman – Radios Appear
By 1976, New York and London weren’t the only ports of punk. Radio Birdman, coming out of Australia, twanged sounds out of their instruments meant to cause discomfort and thought. Radios Appear has a timeless and distant quality to its sound causing its presence on this list and many others.

The Stooges – Funhouse
The boys from Detroit turned things up a notch on this album of madness, exigency, and disturbance. Funhouse delivers the feel of a focused maestro in front of a malicious and chaotic orchestra, but somehow the show is completed.

Jonathan Richman and The Modern Lovers – The Modern Lovers
Maybe this pick is biased because members of The Cars and Talking Heads came out of this coalition, but The Modern Lovers is a novel and distinctive album that you can’t place a finger on. Recorded in 1973, it did not really fit in at the time, and pleasantly does not fit in anywhere.

The Clash – London Calling
Strummer, Jones, and the rest of the dreary old band from London not only delivered punk, but they did it well. They had thought provoking lyrics delving into political and social unrest and played their instruments like trained musicians.

Ramones – Ramones
Even their name sounded punk enough to consume their debut title. Many claim the boys from New York not only set the tone for American punk, but for all of punk. The songs of the debut are trendsetting, innovative, and forever.

Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bollocks
Some say that the sound of the Sex Pistols becomes better with age, as if the world wasn’t prepared for them at the time, and it has taken us decades to catch up. The band has it all: the mystery, the legacy, and the indelible and priceless sound.

What do you think?......

Why I Relate to Punk

2007-07-27T10:16:00.000-04:00

...submitted by a friend (p.s. anyone can submit a blog to maureen@toofastonline.com)

I am not going to get into what the main tenets of punk are, or what it means to be “punk.” I am simply going to relate some information as to why I can relate to punk: the music, the culture, the clothes, etc.

When I was in 5th grade, I was a pretty normal kid. I played Nintendo, I loved firecrackers, wearing hats backwards, and wanted pizza for every meal. I also happened to have a crush on this blue-eyed, blond girl in my elementary school class. For anti-stalking purposes, let us call her Sue.

Sue used to walk to her house afterschool each day with my neighbor, Kelly. Kelly was a bit unruly and mean. We eventually became friends in high school- mostly due to Kelly’s taste in clothes. Back then, I really wouldn’t have minded if all of Kelly’s hair fell out and her face became frozen while she taunted me for wearing my headgear (yes, my teeth were not perfect growing up, yet my parents felt it to be perfectly normal for a ten-year-old kid to wear headgear out in public).

My parents were a bit uncool, unreasonable, and strict. Despite being at the prepubescent stage of life, they felt it necessary to send me to KinderKare afterschool. If you are not familiar with KinderKare, think of two to six year olds, nap times, and a big, stupid-looking bus with a kangaroo affixed to the top that picked me up in front of the school.

I would regularly make it a routine to find every stratagem under the sun to avoid Sue seeing me wait for the Kangabus at the conclusion of each school day. As fate would have it, the events of one afternoon went as follows….

Afterschool: me in Alice Cooper t-shirt, ripped jeans, and headgear. I spot Sue and Kelly about two-hundred paces down the road approaching my way. Sue was looking lovely in a tank top shirt, jeans, and Chuck Taylors.

Out of my peripheral, I see an all too familiar, ridiculously looking object approaching from the opposite direction, then came the Kangabus in all its glory: menacing, haunting, stupid. This would be a defining moment in my life…

With my heart frozen in horrific paralysis on the thought of Sue seeing me entering the Kangabus I hid behind a crevice in the school’s outside wall. I would wait in fear while Sue and Kelly walked by and then I would quickly access the “tartcart.”

It seemed like diamonds formed out of coal more quickly than the following seconds were spent. I attempted to actually wedge myself into one of the tiny cracks in the wall, but my headgear would not fit.

I watched as the much younger kids boarded the bus…maybe Shirley, the bus driver, would just forget about me.. No she would not – I had an assigned seat next to her because I strapped little Jimmy Hines to my skateboard once and rolled him down the aisle (not because I was mean, but because I thought it would be fun).

Sue and Kelly were only a few feet away from the vehicle of my nightmares at this point. The warm, afternoon air was met by a metallic clicking sound.

“Anthony I see you hiding on the side of the building. Stop horsing around and get on the Kangabus.” Shirley, that witch, had spotted me and beckoned me to walk the plank of my mortification.

My horrified state of mind was interrupted by the wild glare of happiness in Kelly’s eyes. I am not quite sure what she said – something about a loser, headgear, and a kangaroo - I could only concentrate on the laughter that played upon Sue’s face as I walked the two-thousand miles from the side of the building to the Kangabus.

From that point on I has a dissident feeling towards school, parents, bus drivers… basically, any figure or institution of authority. I questioned everything and everyone. Thank the powers that be for punk.

You Know You're Punk Rock If....

2007-07-18T08:41:00.000-04:00

You have a copy of “The Anarchist Cookbook”.
You have seen the movie “Suburbia” at least 10 times.
You saw “http://www.greenday.com/” before they were ever heard of.
You have owned at least one record by each the following bands: The Circle Jerks, Black Flag, MDC, GG Allin, & The Exploited
You made your own punk clothes (DIY) before Hot Topic started selling the whole thing out.
You’ve waked up under a bridge at least once in your life.
You’ve snuck out of your parent’s house to see your friend’s band play pretty much every weekend.
You’ve been suspended from middle school for wearing a Dead Kennedy’s t-shirt.
You know what “squatting” is.
You grew up and you still don’t have a “real job” or live in “suburbia”
Your mom is still wondering when your going to grow out of it.

Add your own ideas in the comments!

How Lip Service Clothing became Lengendary

2007-07-02T13:21:00.000-04:00

Introduction
Make a statement with your clothing. That is what Drew Bernstein had in mind before he began his company Lip Service. His story is both interesting and inspirational. Fueled by his punk background and realized through hard work and ingenuity, Lip Service has grown into the popular company it is today. The following tells the story of how Lip Service came to be.

In the beginning
Drew started out his music career playing with the bands America’s Hardcore and Crucifix. With great experiences and connections behind him, by 1984 Drew found himself band-less and working a menial job cleaning up after construction sites.
A friend of his offered to provide him with some side work pitching samples of clothing to buyers. He quickly found a niche, quit his construction job, and dedicated his attention to selling clothing. His creativity soon helped him create big ideas.

A big idea

One day he proposed an idea of making leggings with prints on them. Until then, leggings were mostly solid, so offering prints would be a novel idea. He made 200 pairs of his pants (with the infamous skull & crossbones seen to your right) and they soon became hot items on Melrose and up the Pacific Coast. The leggings were just the catalyst to other ideas that soon formed and became popular.

By 1985, Drew was doing well and more ideas came to him. Designers were looking for stretch jeans, and he delivered the Lip Service Stretch Jeans. Business was moving and so was Drew. He got out of his parents house and moved into a warehouse. In three years, he had opened three retail stores and a hired a few people to help him with business. With hard work and a couple of breaks, Drew became more popular…

Friends in high places
One day Izzy Stradlin from Guns ‘N’ Roses was perusing through the warehouse and found a jacket that he thought would be perfect for their frontman, Axl Rose. Soon after, pictures were all over the press with images of Axl wearing Drew’s jacket. This got Lip Service a lot of publicity and more attention.

Still going…
About twenty years later, Lip Service is still growing strong. The company does all of the work themselves and stay close to their punk roots of inspiration. Their clothing can be found all over the world and worn by those who appreciate the independent, idiosyncratic style.

I Heart My Tattoo Artist

2007-06-15T10:37:00.000-04:00

Tattoos are prevalent these days. In the past, you would have to be a sailor, member of the Hell’s Angels, or a diehard punk to put ink on your body. In these recent, liberal days, this is no longer the case. All people are getting body art from Afro-American CEOs to Irish, retired grandmothers; it doesn’t matter who you are anymore in order to get a tattoo.

What does matter is what you get, and more importantly is the manner in which you treat your artist. A good artist comes in all forms; they could be wearing the latest in punk clothing or a surfer t-shirt and sandals. These people are devoted artists, and should be treated accordingly.

The following is a series of suggestions devoted to promoting awareness of the artist-customer relationship. It is partially humorous, but any artist will agree with the suggestions, so it is best to read it with a smile while still taking the information seriously.

Eat within four hours prior to getting a tattoo. Not eating can cause anxiety and the last place you want to feel anxious is in the chair.

Do not go drunk or in any altered mental form to the parlor. Artists take their business and work seriously, so you should take the experience seriously as well, and not be too loopy going in there.

Dress appropriately. Unless you want to take off that black dress you just bought at the punk clothing store completely, wear something that will enable the artist to get to your skin.

Be realistic about the experience. A stellar job cannot be done, if you are moving around incessantly in the chair. If you are one that is scared of needles, gets nervous, or is sensitive to the touch, seriously reconsider whether you want to go through the experience.

You must be at least 18 to get a tattoo. Your parents may get a little upset because you just spent your all of your paycheck at the punk clothing store, but they will be really upset if you get a tattoo (especially at whomever put ink on you). Most artists will allow you to have one person with you, but no entourage.

Please turn off all cell phones (unless the ring plays anything punk) and make sure your company does the same.

Most artists will let you have a drink with you, but refrain from bringing in any food.

Do not bring children into the studio, and especially do not leave them in the car (that is both heinous and illegal).

If you do not speak the same language as the artist, bring a translator. Do not expect optimal communication processes to take place if you speak different languages.

Most artists will help you develop an idea of what you want. They will not completely devise a tattoo for you nor tell you what to get. Have a good idea of what tattoo you would like or select one from the walls or books before taking up the artist’s time.

FOLLOW YOUR AFTERCARE PROCEDURES CAREFULLY. Do not depend on others to give advice. It would be like asking the local drug store clerk what to do about your rash instead of going to a dermatologist. Listen to the professionals and no one else.

Do not go to the artist if you are sick. Reschedule if you come down with a sickness. Tattoos are done in close quarters and germs are not welcome there. Be considerate; tattoo artists are people too.

Hair Dyeing Information

2007-06-04T09:12:00.000-04:00

Introduction
Dyeing hair is common for women and men. Hair coloring is a form of self-expression. People enjoy changing their hair to another natural shade, or going completely creative with unnatural hues.

The following article presents information and tips on dyeing your hair. It is always better to seek the help of a professional, but it can be expensive; with attention and care, you can achieve the same results yourself.

Permanent or Semi-permanent
Permanent hair dyes will stay until you dye your hair again or the original shade grows from the roots. Semi-permanent dyes will begin to fade over the course of weeks due to washing and the passing of time. Permanent dyes usually will do more damage to the hair due to the inclusion of chemicals.

Tips
Choose a product that will rinse out relatively quickly the first time so you will definitely know if you like the color before doing something that lasts longer.

Have someone help with the process.

Always follow the directions provided with the dye kit.

Test an area of the hair first before proceeding to dye the whole head.

Leave your hair down while dyeing.

Part your hair into sections and apply the color from the roots to the ends.

Apply a layer of petroleum jelly at the hairline to evade dripping.

Wash your hair first before you dye it.

Do not condition your hair before you dye it.

Mistakes
Try to stay close to your natural color. Going too light makes hair look over-processed.

Be sure to cover all of the areas of your head.

Dyeing too often will dry and damage your hair.

Make sure you are dyeing somewhere with sufficient ventilation.

Be sure to protect your skin from the dye.

Be careful in dyeing your eyelashes or eyebrows.

Popular products
There are many products on the market. Some use natural ingredients rather than chemicals. Be sure to read the labels of each product.

The following is a list of popular names and products:
http://www.manicpanic.com/
http://www.veganessentials.com/catalog/special-effects-punk-hair-dye.htm
http://www.headsite.com/shop/lariche_directions_hair_products_directions_punk_hair_dye-c-167_100.html

Hair resource pages:
http://www.zyra.org.uk/hairdye.htm
http://punkhairfaq.necrophiliacs.net/

How to Take Care of Your Clothes

2007-05-21T08:44:00.000-04:00

Introduction
We all love clothes. Clothes help us express ourselves and aid in making a statement. We use clothes to endorse our favorite sports teams, hobbies, locations, philosophies, bands, etc. With the invention of some computer technology, we can now make our own clothing at home. We all love clothes, but not all of us are taking the best care of our clothes.

Do you know how to wash your clothes? Is your mother, wife, or girlfriend still doing your wash? Are you at least rewarding her? She cannot do it forever; so, we are prepared to help you. The following article offers suggestions and tips in reference to caring for your clothes.

To Dry Clean or not to Dry Clean
Manufacturers will recommend dry cleaning on the care label, but that does not mean that you most definitely have to take the garment to the cleaners. If you choose to wash the article at home, one must consider shrinkage, fabric treatments, and colorfastness. A label will read “Dry Clean Only” if there is no possibility of washing without doing damage to the garment. For most garments, a good cleaning and ironing will result in equal care in comparison to that of the dry cleaner.

Hand or Machine Wash?
Labels will indicate if a garment needs to be washed by hand. It will also indicate if certain temperatures will be harmful to the garment. If the label indicates that it must be washed by hand, then it is in your best interest to adhere to the instructions or run the risk of indefinitely damaging the article of clothing.

Bleach or no Bleach?
Most commercially sold bleaches can be used in your wash unless otherwise indicated by the label. Some garments cannot be exposed to chlorine bleach, if this is the case, then the label will indicate.

Drying
The label will usually indicate whether certain drying temperatures will be harmful to the garments. It is important to read the label in order to know what not to do in addition to know what to do. For instance, if the label gives an indication of air-drying only, then that means not to throw it in the dryer!

Ironing
Ironing is always okay for a garment unless the label explicitly states, “Do not iron.” Most irons have specific settings addressed to separate garment types; pay attention to the type of garment settings.

Warnings
Watch out for warning labels. Some clothes may do harm to other garments if washed together. The label will indicate for it to be washed separately if a garment is prone to bleeding or will be dyed if exposed to other colors.

Conclusion
Most people do not look at the care label on clothes, but it is necessary. The labels are instructions on how to care for your clothes. Knowing how to put on your clothes is not enough, you need to know how to take care of your clothes as well.

Save Money.... Become an Illegal Alien!

2007-05-14T13:32:00.000-04:00

This is insane. Read this letter by a U.S. citizen to his Senator.

Original Becoming Illegal: An actual letter from an Iowa resident and sent to his Senator

The Honorable Tom Harkin
731 Hart Senate Office Building
Phone (202) 224 3254
Washington DC , 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that can I apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lately, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,
Donald Ruppert
Burlington , IA
Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal

Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040.

Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!

Clothes Make the Most Popular Gifts

2007-05-08T13:14:00.000-04:00

Introduction
What kinds of gifts do you like to receive? What kinds of gifts are most given? How do the gifts make you feel? We give gifts for all occasions: birthdays, graduations, weddings, retirement, etc. A recent nationwide survey gives some information on favorite gifts, the givers, and the how the gift-giving is conducted.

Favorite Gifts
It seems that flowers, clothing, and jewelry are the most popular gifts to give. Each one is given for different reasons and elicits different responses. Flowers are given to express love and to say, “I’m sorry.” Clothes are given the most often. Clothes are considered to be more “intimate” gifts because you have to know something about the receiver’s style. Jewelry makes us smile and feel special.

Best Gift Givers
A majority of those surveyed stated their spouse or significant other gave them the best gifts. Mothers were ranked second and then followed by other relatives.
Most respondents said that getting a gift for “no special occasion” ranked the highest among all occasions to receive a present.

Gift cards were highly celebrated in the receiving department. Despite thoughts that they are impersonal, receivers like them because it presents multiple purchasing options.

Etiquette
25% of respondents admitted re-wrapping gifts and giving them to others. Women were more likely to re-gift than men and are more likely to expect a thank you note for giving a gift.

Over half of respondent mentioned not expecting a thank you. Hand-written notes seem to be the most acceptable form of relating a “thank you.”

Concerts Will Make You Intelligent, Happy, and Healthy

2007-04-20T11:49:00.000-04:00

Introduction
Music makes us happy and intelligent. Maybe that should have been our short reply to figures of authority who cast looks of chagrin upon us while we chose to listen to our headphones instead of the teacher lecture on evolution, parents rant because of broken curfews, and police due to loitering. We knew there was something sublime about punk music, but our “hawks” made it difficult to get out of our heads and properly articulate.

The punkers of today are in a very advantageous position as to reasoning why they need stay glued to the “noise” blaring out of their iPods; there has been scientific proof published that music has benevolent affects on our brains and bodies. Sure, listening to a mediocre cover can elicit disappointment and slam dancing may provide a bruise or two, but when all is said and done, music is a good thing.

So without further ado, we will provide something they did not teach us in school: reasons why we should never stop listening to music!

Einstein must have rocked out
A team of University of Wisconsin psychologists headed by Dr. Frances “Funk” Rauscher conducted a study that established their hypotheses of, a causal link existing between music and intelligence and that learning skills can be improved by listening to music at an early age, as fact.
Lab rats were exposed to the works of Mozart in utero and sixty days after birth. Control groups of rats were exposed to white noise, silence, and music of low complexity. The rats were tested on their ability to run through a maze over the course of five days. By day three, the rats listening to Mozart were showing superior abilities in completing the maze with minimal errors and in considerably quicker time than their counterparts. By day five, the ease and quickness grew to larger proportions.

Doctors concluded that music training generates neural connections used in abstract reasoning, especially those used in mathematical computation and concepts.
This gives proof to why the people at NASA are such badasses; if they weren’t skipping school to buy concert tickets, we would have never gotten to the moon!

Sex Pistols and Suicidal Tendencies for all
Researchers from a chiropractic clinic in Ohio conducted a study on 60 participants suffering from depression and chronic pain. The 60 participants were split into three groups of 20. One group listened to music for at least an hour per day of their favorite music, another group listened to music for an hour a day with provided music, and the last group did not listen to music at all.

The two music groups reported a 12 to 21 percent reduction in pain. The non-music group’s pain had stayed the same, and in some cases, slightly increased. The music groups reported their depression was assuaged at a rate of 19 to 25 percent. The music group felt 9 to 18 percent less disabled than their counterparts and 5 to 8 percent more in control of their power over the pain.
So, after a long night in the pit, put away the cortisone cream and ice bags and crank up the stereo!

How to Choose a Tattoo aka Alvin, Nell Carter, and the Rosieberlowjob

2007-03-30T16:32:00.000-04:00

So, you want to get a tattoo. The scar above your left eye from the time your older brother threw you down the basement stairs because you were spying on him rounding second with his girlfriend when your parents were out at a Captain and Tennille concert must not suffice and the cicatrix inherited on your posterior from the Nair mishap just won’t cut it either. Well, since you have obviously thought this out just as well as your pick-up lines you used on that good-looking girl you went home with last St. Patrick’s day that mysteriously had a larger Adam’s apple than you remembered along with some quaint five-o’clock shadow; let’s do it to it.

Where to go
We won’t even get into what you are going to get and where it will be showcased (not yet), but first we have to decide on the artist and his locale of service. It is suggested to find a place that is cheap and convenient. You know that guy that your sister used to date before she caught him stealing out of her purse while getting her best friend naked in the downstairs closet? He was a nice guy. What was his name? Alvin, that’s it. He could probably do it.

Remember that seedy looking place you used to pass while going into the city to get served underage so you and your buddies could take advantage of those under-underage girls? Didn’t they offer a free 40 oz. with every tattoo? I think that would be a swanky establishment to get inked up in.

The point is that you have to forget about finding someplace that is “sterile” and “legitimate.” You are getting a tattoo, don’t be such a pillow-biter. This is the time to forget about those things that Grandma was telling you over sugar cookies that tasted so good except you still had that bad, guilty feeling about Uncle Danny touching you in your no-no place again while sitting on the couch watching reruns of ‘Gimme A Break.’ (No wonder your first times playing with yourself were mutually inclusive with mental images of Nell Carter).

Screw it, just go in and ask Alvin if he could “hook you up” after the cipher of smack addicts are done with his needles. Maybe he could cut you a deal if you tip him off about the video you uploaded to YouPorn featuring your sister, her new boyfriend Theodore (why the hell does she date guys with Chipmunk names?), and the dog.

What to get
This is a mucho important process of the whole enchilada. You have to put some thought into this. If you can’t immediately think of anything (why should you have), then grab a bottle of Scotchgard, spray a generous amount on a sock (preferably dirty to enhance effect), and inhale deeply several times. While you are temporarily blind you most likely will get a flash of some sort of esoteric image from the gods.

Concentrate really hard on what it looks like (go ahead, take some more inhales). It looks like a silhouette of Rosie O’Donnell going down on Milton Berle (the old Milton Berle of course- he was 78 years old when he was born) doesn’t it? It’s so funny how everyone comes to the same conclusion. Let’s call this image a ‘rosieberlowjob.’ Not only are you a bad ass for getting a tattoo, but you are a sagacious bastard for coming up with a neologism (you are on a roll brotha, next you will have to take on Sho Nuff to settle once and for all who is the “last dragon”).

Well, now we have to decide on where this bad boy of a rosieberlowjob is going to be affixed to that temple of a body of yours. The arms are so predictable and your ‘bacne’ (no, you can’t take credit for that term too) will interfere with the aesthetic nature in placing it on your back, so I say we go for front and center. You will have to keep yourself well groomed down there to further augment the effect. Don’t use the Nair (remember what happened to your posterior); it only seems to work well around the darkhole (and even then you have to remove with lukewarm water after seven and a half minutes). You will have to get your pubes waxed; it’s the only way.

Caring for your Rosieberlowjob (it has now made first-letter-capitalized status)
I told you that Alvin would do a good job. It must have been those extra shots of Absinthe he took before going to town on you. Well, that and the needle was already warmed up from the ‘track stars’ using it to run up their arms beforehand; but, that is neither here nor there, we need to take care of the Rosieberlowjob now. As previously stated you are going to have to get waxed.

Remember the best friend that Alvin got naked in the closet? Well, she works at the salon down the street from the dermatologist that you go to on the other side of town for your ‘bacne’ though there is one right down the road from your house that you don’t go to because Debbie works there as a volunteer and you don’t want her to know that you have bacne because you think you might have a chance with her and she is the only female that gives you boxer-protrusion besides Nell Carter (Uncle Danny doesn’t count despite the operation). How do I know all this? Because I am an omniscient narrator, so just shut the hell up and listen.

After your waxing, you might feel a bit of a burning sensation. You can assuage the pain by an ancient family recipe. It consists of 2 parts moisturizer, 4 parts peanut-butter, and 1 part shamelessness. Mix the moisturizer in a bowl with the peanut-butter and spread it along the burning area, in your case, where your pubes used to reside. Kindly ask Theodore and your sister if they could relieve the dog of his carnal duties for a little while, but ensure them you will soon return with him and the video camera. Find a private area where the dog will feel comfortable proceeding to lick off the moisturizer and peanut-butter (maybe try the downstairs closet; it has a history). Don’t worry about the dog; he is a pro at this and is just doing it until he can find a full-time modeling job.

Post Denouement
Well, that pretty much sums up this carousel of exuberance for now. Until my next highly scholastic installment in the series, I will bid you adieu. Congratulations on your meaningless, moronic, and inconsequential (but permanent mark) on your body. I would say if it is the worst thing that will ever happen to you, you will have a great life; but, I am omniscient and know about your date with Uncle Danny later and what he has in store for you (and your little dog too)!

How to Piss Off Your Friends

2007-03-26T10:16:00.000-04:00

Date their Sisters (or Moms): The good thing about this tactic is that you already have an in; you know their brother (or son). It would be better if it is their younger sister, but any age will surely produce the same feeling. Start off slowly by coming around the house more, offering help to clean, bring over some flowers (just to spruce up the place), and do it all with a great smile. Begin to make charming comments like you think that her punk clothing is absolutely kick ass, actually listen to her talk about her jerky ex-boyfriend’s descent into addiction, make statements about how she should ‘hang out’ with everyone sometime, and do it all with a great smile.

Come up with a story about how this girl you had a crush on totally snubbed you for another guy because you “wanted to take things slow and get to know her first.” Have the ‘I just don’t understand why girls don’t like me’ pity-inducing conversation with them, and move in for the kill once their defenses are down. Soon you will be coming over the house whether your friend is there or not, having your friend’s sister (or mom) tell them that they have been seeing you for a while but just didn’t know how to say it, spending much more time with their sibling (or mom) instead of your friend, and all the while donning a great smile.

Borrow Money: Obviously, it may seem more attractive to target a more well-to-do friend for this, but if you are really looking to piss someone off, you will choose someone who really can use extra money themselves. You need to first start relating stories of your economic hardship. Tell them about how you needed to give some of your money to your parents because they’ve been spending all of theirs on booze and you lost your ass at the roulette table placing all of your money on the number of the date of their anniversary hoping that the gods would be shining down on you for partaking in such an altruistic venture. Modify the story and the vocabulary to appeal to your friend’s sense of compassion and level of intelligence.

Once you have buttered them up, commence with the inebriation. Alcohol really works wonders in employing manipulation. Bring them over their favorite poison, or offer to take them out (with your last few dollars) to a local watering hole. Amidst the shots of tequila and glasses of scotch, relate some story of how they have ‘always been there for you’ and that ‘a guy could not have a better friend.’ If there is some story of childhood that you can relate to them to further make them feel sentimental, then do it. If there is no such story, then make one up; childhood was a long time ago, so between the many years from then until now and the shortened time between rounds, they will have no idea how to distinguish between actual events and reverie.

When they have slapped you on the back with that googly-eyed expression for the umpteenth time or you have heard numerous, slurred accounts of ‘I love you man,’ you know that you are in like Flynn. I need not explain that you are to ask for the largest amount possible they are willing to provide and that you will never pay them back unless they take you to Judge Judy or they win the lottery- in which case it would be stupid not to pay them back in order to ‘borrow’ an even larger sum in the future.

Be the Guy on the Couch: This strategy works best when you are in your late twenties to early thirties and your friends have outgrown their puerile ways, gotten a well paid job, and began living on their own. An addendum to this approach is particularly scouting for friends that may live together- by twos, threes, the more the merrier. Be somewhat charming at first: call before coming over, bring beers, food, or other goodies, cleanup after yourself, etc. Basically, do all the things a normal, polite visitor would do.

After you have bewitched them with your charm, begin to make uninvited visits, eat out of their fridge, and wear their cool, punk tees straight out of their closet or laundry. Leave the dirty dishes from the pasta extravaganza you just whipped up with their groceries in the sink, leave on all the lights and TVs in the place to be able to see when you come in with the copied key you made in the middle of a work night to play some tunes while you are hooking up with their sister, and complain about them not cleaning up the mess you made in the bathroom while shaving your body hair with their razor.

Having multiple roommates creates options. You can either decide to pick them off one by one or to switch it up and target them at random. It is probably better off to commit to the latter approach. If you picked them off one by one, the first victim may have grievances in reference to your behaviors and tip off the rest of the roommates. This would lower everyone else’s tolerance of you and you would not be able to make the most of the experience.

Relate Embarrassing Stories: No one is perfect. Being a friend to someone means that you really get to know them (the good and the bad sides). Most likely, you will have observed their latter side a good number of times, to better employ this gambit. It is good practice to keep in mind the top three to five embarrassing events performed by each friend. Obviously, as time goes on and new incidents occur, you would modify your list. I don’t need to explain what may constitute an embarrassing episode: sexual exploits with hefty women, contraction and disposal of nasty growths, warts, or other fungi, their obsession with Menudo, etc.

Now that you have your stories aligned, you have to begin to craft your sense of when is the most embarrassing time to relate their most embarrassing stories. Obviously, these occasions include but not are limited to: in front of coworkers, amidst their near success of landing a beautiful babe at the bar, when making your best man speech at their wedding, etc. Any time when it is absolutely critical that they look good, you need to exercise your ability to make them look bad.

Make Egregious Statements: Nothing can piss someone off like an unwarranted, totally taboo, off-the-wall, out-of-left-field, good old-fashioned improper statement. This approach cannot easily be procured and does take a bit of natural talent. You need to have a sixth sense of aligning what statements are completely in poor taste to make in certain situations. For instance, you would not want to comment on: how ugly the bride looks but it is okay because her groom cheats on her busted ass all the time anyway, how pissed off you are at someone at their wake because they still owed you ten bucks and it is ironic how the family went to all this effort to buy a nice casket, flowers, and suit for him to be buried in though he was such a cheap bastard himself and would never spring for such a thing for them, how a priest could preach to all of these people in Sunday church about being ‘good’ people when he himself has been molesting your little brother and his altar boy friends for the last two years, and all the while doing it with a great smile.

Most people will not share your profound sense of senseless, base humor and will not want to be around you any longer running the risk of being humiliated by association or having you turn your powers upon them.

Make Things Up: Most people have friends because they need someone that they can rely on and confide in. You can eradicate this sense of trust by completely telling lies about everything and anything. Make sure to incorporate not only lies that they may not know are untrue, but also lies that they know are indisputably hodgepodge. The irony is that the smaller the lie, the more aggravated and repulsed people become. If you lie about being out and getting a girl’s number last night when they know that you stayed in all night watching their TV, eating their groceries, telling stories about how they sold naked pictures of their mom to guys at school, wearing new shoes that you bought with their money, all the while making out with their sister (or mom) with a great smile on your face, then they will begin to question where the hell the bullshit stops and truth begins.

Well, I hope this helps. This is a rather elementary run-down of how you can be totally ostracized by your circle of friends, but maybe I will relay more of my knowledge in the future. Remember that friends are temporary, but that great smile on your face can last a lifetime.

How to be Punk Rock

2007-03-13T09:41:00.000-04:00

So you want to be fucking punk rock, eh? Well, punk rockers don’t give a hoot, so by reading this article by a man in a v-neck sweater wearing argyle socks sitting in front of a computer typing with his manicured fingers should suit you nicely. Listen to him because he is so punk that he talks about himself in third person:

The following are ways to become punk. Maybe it will work or maybe it won’t, but you shouldn’t care or listen to me anyway because you should be an individual that doesn’t listen to anyone.

1. Change the way you fucking dress. Those Gap jeans and Abercrombie and Bitch.. Fitch poser-like tees have got to go. If you want to be punk than wear punk clothes. When you get them, alter your state of mind and find the biggest, meanest looking person you can find and tell them they should change the fucking way they dress. Choosing an opponent that may have a blade will conveniently slash your clothing to accentuate the punk look.

2. Change your fucking attitude. Helping the elderly on your days off and being in the big brother program is for Blink 182 fans- toughen up buttercup! Take your skateboard (if you don’t have one, get one) into the nearest city, get dropped off in the poorest section (make sure it is the middle of the night to ensure the swankiest of people are around), write some racial slurs on your body and on a sign hung over your chest and back, and begin to skate around until you are noticed. If you survive than you will return a bit more calloused than when you first went in- which is what we want.

Hangin' Tough

3. Go see some fucking bands. Maybe you haven’t seen a good show since New Kids On The Block ripped it up about fifteen years ago, but it is time once again. Sid Vicious and the Ramones are fucking dead, so we are going to have to seek out some live entertainment elsewhere. Don’t go see any bands at a decent venue; go into the city at night, again (sans racial slurs), and listen for punk music. When you find an abandoned warehouse or shoddy looking house blasting indecipherable lyrics with seedy looking people lounging around the outskirts- that is the place you want to be -go in.

You can’t get more punk
than Angela Lansbury

4. Move out of your fucking parent’s house. It is great to raid the fridge, get your clothes washed, and sit down with the folks to watch Murder She Wrote, but you need your own digs. Get a loan from the bank, get a low interest credit card, or preferably steal the money from somebody or someplace, and establish yourself. Choose an edgy part of town that has a repulsive yet mysterious appeal to it. Buy a couple of those pink fucking flamingos and re-paint them blood red. Get some Christmas lights and arrange them to spell out “Fuck You” (use the actual spelling not the ‘modified so my boss won’t get pissed because I’m cursing in the article’ spelling).

5. Assemble a fucking band. If you want to be punk rock, than you have to completely live it. Scout your neighborhood for derelicts, bums, and riffraff of any sort and ask them to join your band. Tell them that you are conducting a sociological experiment for the local university and they will be getting paid for it (being a liar is punk). Get some instruments by waiting around for some local bands to complete their show at a local venue and beat the hell out of them as they are loading their van. Don’t be a wanker and practice indoors; practice on a rooftop or local alleyway.

6. Quit your fucking job. Working for pennies at the law office or programming for some big computer company is great if you are in to the success thing, but you’re punk now- fucx that! You need to devote your full attention to being punk and the band- which reminds me, you need a name, how about Soiled Flesh, that sound pretty fucking punk to me. Spend the time away from the band engaging in obstreperous behavior and eradicating any sense of moral fiber you may have left.

More potent than crack…

7. Become a fucking addict. You need to immerse yourself in self-destructive behavior if you really want to be punk rock. Dance Dance Revolution or Tupperware addiction is suggested, but everyone has the right to choose their own poison. I personally became heavily engrossed in the underground Dungeons and Dragons scene (you think you know, but you have no idea); after I became a fifth level warlock, I knew death was right around the corner so I sobered up. You want to take it as close to the edge as possible without chaffing your ass too badly on it.

Have you seen these men?…
I hope not.

8. What the fucx are you doing? After you have experienced all of the prior steps take a good look at the mess that you’ve become and get a tattoo to remember the experience. I suggest getting one across your chest, on the neck, or on the hand so you can see it often (going on the back is for trendy girls or guys who listen to Hall and Oates). Kick the Tupperware addiction, get your old job back, move in with the parents again, disband the band, but keep the punk clothes (as a memento).

Plato would’ve said, “The experience was good in of itself.” He was a fucking smart guy, so I would listen to him. It is not so much that you live the life day-to-day, but that you have the spirit in you now. You can now go on living as an incognito punker. A true punk rocker does not need to flaunt being one, they know who they are if no one else does. This adds to the mystique of the punker, they could be anyone, even a guy in a v-neck sweater wearing argyle socks typing away at his keyboard with manicured fingers….Rock on.