Have a cup of cappuccino

In response to Hana Insyirah's

2009-11-13T13:28:00.005+08:00

Despite the sleepy aura that is enveloping me, following the last night on call, I still have the urge to write my personal say in response to Hana's article..

On my 1st day of Forensic posting, we got a case- my very 1st case; of a newly married 26 year old man who died (the cause was eventually found) of Acute Myocardial Infarct. Initially I wasn't aware of his NEWLY MARRIED status, when I asked a colleague, "Dia ni single ke?" When death is being dealt with, the 1st thing that comes to my mind is, "Agaknya apa yang ruh dia tgh buat skrg?". Secondly, "How do the loved ones react to this death?"

"Ya Allah Maryam, dia ni BARUUU JEE kahwin," a friend answered in a very dramatic way. "BARUU JE SEBULAN". I nodded. I was undoubtedly surprised, very surprised indeed. And I was not abnormal when the first thing that I thought of was- Athiq. I peeked through the window at the counter, to identify the relatives. Of course, I was trying to search for the wife. She could nowhere be seen. I only smiled at his parents. I inhaled a very deep breath and tried to relax, and asked this friend regarding the wife. Yes, she was present at the mortuary, her fingernails were still red with henna. I looked at my own hands, the fingernails were not red, and there were no engagement and wedding rings. Although I dislike colouring my fingernails red, and even further dislike wearing any jewelleries, suddenly I wanted to wear the rings very badly, the rings that Athiq bought for me himself, and feeling the serenity in knowing that I still have him, and I could still enjoy his love and care, and that he's still available for me to share my life with, and that he could still acknowledge and respond to my feelings.

Death is not an uncommon topic between a couple I guess, when Athiq likes to bring up this topic between us for an open discussion. For some reason, he likes to say that he thinks he'll die before I die (maybe he depends on the statistic that women lives longer than men due to the protective oestrogenic effect enjoyed by women). And that he's worried how will I cope (I guess he thinks I'm such a dependent lady, and that I'll definitely be a PSY patient should I face a death of my loved ones huuu). Ayat yang dia suka guna, "Ayang, nanti kalau abang pergi dulu, ayang jangan hidup dalam memori lama.. Ayang kena teruskan kehidupan, cari pasangan lain yang dapat bahagiakan ayang dan didik anak2 kita.." Me, as usual would turn 2 deaf ears to him huu, lest a Tsunami of tears would surely create a bizarre scenario. (I'm about to cry now, remembering these lines huu..). My usual answer, "OKAY" huhuuu.

If you are to consider between death and complete paralysis (you have to read hana's article hehe), obviously life would be choosen over death. But do you know whether in 4 years or 5 years taking care of such diasabled person, the same decision will be made again and again? I can't say, because I don't know, because I have never gone through that situation.. But generally a women is more caring.. sayang kat husband walau teruk macamana keadaan pun, tp a husband I personally think lebih cenderung untuk tinggalkan isteri and kahwin lain.

I never feel bored to bombard Athiq with Qs such as
"Abang, kalau ayang takde anak, abang nak kawen lain ke?"
"Abang, kalau ayang cacat, abang nak kawen lain ke?"
"Abang kalau satu hari nanti ayang sakit, abang akan tinggalkan ayang ke?"
"Abang, kalau ayang dah gemuk and tua and tak macam skrg physically, abang akan cari isteri yg muda ke?"
"Abang....." and all sorts of similar questions.. He usually tries not to answer, saying that I always have this negative thinking. By my own definition this is not pessimism, but rather a futuristic anticipation huuu (abang mesti tak setuju ni!)

The thing is, Allah always know what is best for us, and I really like to believe that ALLAH WILL NEVER TEST US WITH SOMETHING THAT WE ARE NOT CAPABLE OF FACING.. Dulu orang selalu tanya, boleh ke duduk jauh and kahwin ni? I said I didn't know because it was something that I had never faced before, but now I know.. And in such times, Allah will always guide you to go through it.. And if you strictly believe that this world is nothing but a mirage.. then you'll fnd the ease of heart that u have been searching for all this while.... insyaAllah

Following the forensic case, I searched hard for the things that will happen to the dead. I found out that there are few hadith Rasulullah telling us that the dead do listen to the livings..

but still, I humbly feel, to look at a paralysed person smiling face is much better than pouring out your kerinduan on a gloomy grave to a silent listener..

On 11th November..

2009-11-11T18:43:00.003+08:00

I have few hours left before 12am, for me to increase my ortho knowledge to 6% (which I am sure is a peri-impossible stuff) because at times I am sure I'm best at doing nothing.. with the almost 3 hours seminar that has just finished (oh myyyy), I am at least feeling relieved with the owl that Hazwani has just sent- bringing along with it a very happy news indeed! which is NO PATIENT ADMITTED, and which signifies that I don't need to go to the ward tonight to cover any patient heheee.. and which FURTHER SIGNIFIES.. i have more time to do nothing ~uhuh (while trying to forget the 6% target..). I managed to do a CP in the OT today.. (berkata sambil tersengih-sengih kerana CP itu teruk, tp takpela, sebab my 1st ortho CP), well that was the thing that I had mentioned before

Staring at Athiq's YM & Skype status is indeed depressing (though I know he's busy in the hospital huhuuu, but sometimes I do hope for some miracle to happen such as he is online), which explains my arrival here in this blog just to let the time dashes before me even knowing. Well I do wonder how do the housemans manage their lives though.. Truth is I'm a bit upset over something today, but Allah always knows BEST isn't it? He won't test a person unless he/she is capable of being tested. And worldly life is not that of a single-chance.. unlike in the akhirah.. when one regrets their previous lives and very badly want to return to this world just to perform ibadah, but of course it'll be impossible... naudzubillah, may His Jannah will be our eternal place..

Ummu Ameer's Ortho News

2009-11-11T05:28:00.004+08:00

I'm now about to enter my 3rd ortho day, trying to picture a not-so-bright immediate future within 12 weeks from now.. err hoping to see a flicker of light at the end of the tunnel? huu.. my only motivation is the slowly approaching 2-weeks holiday at the end of the posting huhuuuuu. I guess the start wasn't as bad as had being told before.. and the fact that the ortho pillars (the great Doctors) are mostly very fartherly and helpful brighten the prognosis by few percents.. though I don't know how will the transformation take place during exam when exacerbated by our stutterings, blocked thoughts and blank minds...

Tiring? A bit, when I came back from the hospital at around Maghrib even on the 1st 2 orientation days.. Well it was our fault as well, as the 10 of us clerked 1 patient TOGETHER! How our mentor laughed at that, imagining 10 medical students (erk there were 11 of us!! since wani is actually a 2 in 1 person hehe with the baby cosily tagging her around) hovering over a timid 12 yer old boy.. It's the spirit of togetherness I'm sure :) hopefully it'll remain till the end of the posting, when all of us can leave for good; WITHOUT a TCA (To come again), and leave not with just a pass, but with a body of ortho knolwedge competent enough to be applied in practise.

Huu it's the logbook-filling thingy again!!! Looking forward something today :p...........................................

But I do miss Abang very badly, as bad as the IIUM wireless internet connection huu because I am now feeling unsure of whether the connection is really there for us... yep, I spend more time to connect, only to be automatically disconnected immediately.....................................

The Dr told us to increase our knowledge 10% per week. Thus 100% in 10 weeks. 1 week consists of 5 working days, thus 2% per day. but the rate of loss??? a simple mathematical calculation indeed!!

Agar bidadari semuanya cemburu

2009-11-07T10:53:00.004+08:00

Another 2 books which I managed to read during the hol.. entah kenapela rajin sgt nak buat book review hari ni..but i think i'm trying hard to wash away the melancholic mood due to the holiday which very nearly reaches the finishing line.. Gosh it sprinted!!
These 2 books belong to Mimi. When I borrowed this book, whe was quite surprised because seriously I'm not the type of person who loves to read books such as "Jadilah wanita plaing bahagia etc.." or specifically motivational books huu. But I guess sometimes you do need a mild dose of motivation.. or because I am in such a desperate position to be a subject of enviousness to the Bidadari Syurga?? Probably.. Um well.. maybe Abang can sense that I nurture envy very succesfully..since I don't only envy other women but bidadari syurga as well!!

From these 2 books, I get new motivation..
Untuk menjadi seperti Saidatina Khadijah, apabila Rasulullah mendapati padanya TEMAN PERJUANGAN dan KESETIAAN MENGGUNUNG:
Suatu ketika Rasulullah mengenangnya, "....Dia beriman kepadaku ketika semua mansuia ingkar. Dia membenarkanku ketika seluruh manusia nmendustakan. Dia membantuku dengan hartanya ketika semua manusia menahan harta mereka..." HR Ahmad

Untuk menjadi seperti Saidatina Aisyah, apabila Rasulullah mendapati padanya KEREHATAN PENUH CINTA:
"Nabi SAW biasa meletakkan kepala di pangkuanku walaupun aku sedang haidh, kemudian beliau membaca Quran" HR Abdurrazaq
Dalam riwayat lain disebutkan ketika sakit Rasulullah menghendaki hari bersama 'Aisyah sehinggga isteri-isterinya mengizinkannya berbuat sebgaimana yang beliau suka. Beliau ingin berada di rumah 'Aisyah hingga meninggal (HR Bukhari)
Dzikwan meriwayatkan bahawa 'Aisyah pernah berkata "Sesungguhnya kenikmatan yg diberikan Allah utkku adalah Rasulullah meninggal di rumahku, di hariku bersamanya, di dalam dakapan dan pelukanku.."

Menjadi seperi Nailah al Farafishah al Kalbiyah yang padanya Utsman ibn Affan dapati KETULUSAN..
bilamana pasukan pembangkang mengepung rumah Utsman lalu menerobos masuk dan mendapati beliau sedang tilawah. Mereka menghayunkan pedang ke tubuh tua Utsman, maka Nailah segera melindungi sehingga jari jemarinya terputus..

Atau seperti Aminah Quthb, isteri kepada Kamal Asy Syanariri (mujahid dakwah agung dr Syaikh Dr Abdullah Azzam) yang menuliskan syair kenangan untuk suami tercintanya dalam Risalah ila Asy Syahid

Aku tidak menunggu kepulangan dan janji2 sore

Aku tidak menunggu kereta kan kembali membawa secercah harap

Kau tinggalkan aku mengharungi hari-hari dalam kebisuan derita

Kau lihatkah bahawa rinduku untuk syurga atau cinta kelangitan

Kau lihatkah bahawa janji itu untuk Allah

Sudah tibakah saat pemenuhannya?

Aku berlalu bagai perindu

Sebagai pemabuk yang cinta mendengarkan panggilan

Kau jumpakah di sana para kekasih?

Apa warna pertemuan itu?

Dalam hijaunya syurga, dalam firdaus dan gemuruh kurnia

Di negeri kebenaran kalian berkumpul

Dalam damai dan perlindungan

Jika memang kerana itu, selamat datang kematian tergilas darah

Akankah aku menemuimu di sana, tinggalkan negeri derita

Ya, kan kutemui kau di sana

Janji yang diyakini orang-orang jujur

Kita dapatkan balasan, atas hari-hari yang kita lalui

Dalam derita dan cobaan

Kita kand dijaga dalam kebaikan

Tanpa takut perpisahan dan kefanaan

Ahh... terasa begitu jauh untuk menjadi seperti mereka.. Mereka yang mendampingi mujahid agama. Namun itu bukan penghalang untuk memasakkan langkah pertama.. kerana aku memang ingin sekali agar sekalian bidadari cemburu padaku

A taste of death...

2009-11-07T10:22:00.003+08:00

Life is just like a dream that passes as fast as clouds..

It is mere hour of time that soon fades away...

It is a journey that has already started and will soon come to an abrupt end...

-an excerpt from Silent Moments by Abdul Malik al-Qasim-

O people!

Work righteous deeds, beware of Allah, the Exalted ans Modt-Honoured, and neither be betrayed by long hopes nor forget the end of life. Do not recline to this life, it deceives with its pleasures and anticipated future.

Life has beautified itself for those who seek its hand in marriage and became like the bride, to whom the eyes are staring, the hearts are directed and the souls are dedicating their love. How many a lover of this life has it destroyed? How many are those who rejoiced in it only to be betrayed soon after? Therefore look at it with the eye of truth, for it is a dwelling that has many traps and een its creator has belittled it. The new of this life soon becomes old, its kinship quickly vanishes, its mighty becomes disgraced, its abunant becomes little, its affection dies out and its pleasure perish.

Therefore wake up, may Allah grant His Mercy to you, from your sleep and be alert from your slumber, before it proclaims that so-and-so (you) has become ill or his movement has become heavy. Are there guides who lead to the cure and direct to the healer then? The doctors will be summoned for you, but they will render your recovery as unlikely. It will be then proclaimed that so-and-so has counted his wealth and wrote his will and testament. It will be said that his tongue has become heavy and so, he does not speak to his brethren or know his neighbours. Then your forehead will become sweaty and sighs of pain continuous. You will feel certain that death is approaching; your eyelids will become heavy, your doubts will turn to certainty, your tongue will mumble and your brethren will weep for you.

You will be told that this is your son and this is your brother, but you will not be able to speak, nor will your tongue b able to move. Then, the appointed destiny will overtake you and your soul will be deatched from your limbs and ascended to heaven. Your brethren will now gather around you, your shroud will be brought forth and they will wash you and wrap you with your shroud.

Those who used to visit you will cease to do so...

and those who envied you will put at rest their enviousness...

Your family will direct their attention at your wealth..

while you will be tied to your actions..............

Just one more day!

2009-11-05T17:05:00.002+08:00

Just 1 more day before Forensic posting will end.. And I can't patiently wait for that day... I really have to admit the gigantic regret towards the finishing holiday.. ahh life is so tiring that sometimes you forget to inhale a deep and refreshing breath..
I have my own share of bad smell, nausea and vomiting in the mortuary, a fair share in braving traffic jams and not to forget, the haunting nightmares, waking up crying during the night only to make Athiq feel stress huuu (the only irony is my increasing appetite!!)
Being in the mortuary isn't something any sane human would dream of or worst; die for... (uh-uh we-ll, as a matter of fact, one really 'DIE FOR' a mortuary haha when one can only get into the mortuary once he/she is dead). But on the other end, I have to admit that I learnt a lot. First, I learn to pray hard that my body will not be investigated and post-mortemed. Second, I think hard of what happen after death...and feel... afraid? Just imagine when you are in the autopsy room (the room where post-mortems are carried out), a dead body laid on a steel bed, before your very eyes... and you start to wonder.. What is the ruh doing? Does the ruh look at the body from above? Can the dead hear us? Can they understand? Macamane keadaan dia dihadapan Allah? Gembirakah? Sedihkah? Adakah mereka ingin kembali ke dunia dan beramal..? endless questions... And when these questions are haywiring in the brain just like neurotransmitters during seizure... you start to reflect upon your own life.. What have I done in the almost 23 years of my life? Have I done enough? Am I prepared to leave this world to meet my creator? Do I feel my life is meaningful..? Do I regret the way I treat my loved ones? I don't know... I'm in such a bizarre state of mind........................

A surprise love letter for Athiq :) (silalah Athiq je yang baca ok)

2009-10-29T14:22:00.008+08:00

I really want you to smile like this.. always :)

Saja upload gambar abang , masak ikan bakar during the previous ramadhan..

Kata ayah, "Kita dan Hawa semakin jauh terpisah bukan kerana jarak, tetapi kerana memori Hawa terhadap kita yg semakin hari semakin hilang"

Nenek membalas, " Tidak. Kamu salah. Kasih Hawa pada kita bukan seperti air sungai yang mengalir lalu hilang di muara. Kasih Hawa pada kita bukan seperti air hujan yang turun ke bumi meresap ke tanah lalu terus hilang, Tapi kasih Hawa pada kita bagai sang mentari yang sentiasa bersinar terang si siang hari. Dan pabila malam, ia memancarkan sinar melalui bulan dan bintang-bintang"

Everytime I come back home, Ummi surely would be following a new drama. And now it's the Puteri Bunian. (Those who watch the movie must be familiar with the dialogue hehe). And me? As usual, terpengaruh haha.

Athiq, when I listened to that dialogue, immediately I was reminded of you.. Sometimes I think that's how u perceive things between us.. right?

Athiq,
My love to you are neither limited by distance, nor growing dimmer with separation. It's not measured by how often we talk to each other. It's not fading as I get busier. It's not diminishing by our memories that keep moving farther from us (unless 1 day I get Alzheimer and can't even recognize you huu). I know you miss my presence, miss my touch, miss my cooking, miss my jokes (ayang pernah buat joke ke??), miss staring at my cute face (uhukss sorry terangkat bakul sendiri), miss my 'daily sermon' (i really should learn to stop giving 'sermon'), miss my crying (eventhough abang tak pandai nak pujuk, thus resorted to merajuk bersama-sama and ended in me pujuk abang!! haha), miss my attention, .... And especially rindu utk disuap makan lagi!! Abang, abang.. abang ni memang la sangaaaatttt manja (tapi abang kata aku gedik.. huu tak patut sungguh!!) . Tapi abang kena belajar berdikari hidup sendiri kat sana. Abang asyik stress pasal pergi ward, stress pasal internet tak elok, stress sebab laptop hang, stress sebab rumah takde air, stress sebab letih kemas rumah DAN SEBAGAINYA.. sebenarnya Abang nak cakap kat ayang yang abang memang tengah sangat stress, tp not because of the reasons that you gave, but because I'm not with you..kan? kan?

Athiq, eventhough I don't know how to be romantic, I'm not that dumb to not understand the things that you are trying to tell. But you have to be patient in waiting for the brighter days that are yet to come.. and as for the meantime, be STRONG and let the spirit of jihad blazing big and bright in you.. I know you are strong, but there's no harm in reminding again and again, isn't it? Hehe

And you can freely ask Ummi what have I done with regards to the coming Jordan trip (ngeh3)

And for your love that you have allowed me to cherish and enjoy... this poem is dedicated to you, my love...............

If ever two were one, then surely we.
If ever man were lov'd by wife, then thee (you).
If ever wife was happy in a man,
Compare with me, ye woman, if you can.
I prize thy(your) love more than whole mines of gold,
Or all the riches that the east doth(does) hold.
My love is such that rivers cannot quench,
Nor ought but love from thee(you) give recompence.
Thy(Your) love is such I can no way repay;
The heavens reward thee(you) manifold I pray.
Then while we live, in love let's so persever,
That when we love no more, we may live ever.
-Anne Bradstreet-

3rd day of the holiday

2009-10-29T12:24:00.003+08:00

Although I prefer to write a long love letter, of flowery words and romantic lines for Athiq, I have succeeded in convincing myself that writing here is worth the effort (as if i have to put any effort in rambling??). My kids in the future probably would want to know how do I progress.

Yup, I did go back on Monday, braving the cats-and-dogs rain, starting the journey home at around 6pm. And thanks to Azi who accompanied me :p things just fell in place, probably mesti Athiq doa byk2 so that I could go home on the very day hehehe

I was being very quiet lately, after self-certifying myself as an unpaid maid in the house (we don't have a paid maid ok :p), but nevertheless, I enjoyed spending my time in the kitchen (of course not by doing nothing) trying out one recipe after another. The latest edition is chocolates with caramel filling.

I'm trying to start a business of chocolates and bakery prodcuts, (now that I'm moving out form the hostel insyaAllah) .. the recipe-trying session is endless!! I have to retire early during the night out of exhaustion, although I miss YM-ing abang huuu (because we usually YM in the wee hours of the morning considering the time difference).

Of course I want to upload the pics, but since I personally feel it is a big sin for me to hold abah's D90 (because I don't know the simplest tactic in photography), I'm pestering Yasir to complete the job of taking the pics haha. But y know when u r depending on someone else, you just have to practise patience.. will write later..

Abang, minta maaf..

2009-10-26T03:17:00.004+08:00

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

Skrg waktu Malaysia 3:18 am, 26 Oct 2006.. Menandakan final exam yang akan bermula dalam bbrp jam sahaja lagi.. Dan pagi ini rindu kepada satu satunya cintaku yang jauh di perantauan begitu menguasai diri. Selalunya di waktu begini, YM statusnya online, tp tidak malam ini. Dia sibuk barangkali.

Kerinduan untuk pulang menjalani kehidupan hari-hari bersama Ummi dan ahli keluarga yang lain tidak kalah untuk membuatkan hati gundah. Ahh tak sabarnya untuk pulang.. Namun bila sahaja isu pulang ke rumah timbul, fikiran kembali teringat offline message dari abang yang aku terima tadi,

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq (10/25/2009 11:03:49 PM): Salam.... Abg xkesah je ayang nak balik kul brapa pun, yg penting berteman. Ajak laa azi or wani or sape2 temankan..

Sudah puas dipujuk semenjak seminggu yang lalu supaya ku dibenarkan pulang sendiri. Mana tidaknya, exam habis jam 5 petang.. pasti ramai yang sudah keletihan dan ingin pulang ke kampung masing2 keesokan harinya sahaja. Beg untuk dibawa pulang pun sudah disiapkan 2 minggu yang lalu, mebuktikan betapa tidak sabarnya...

Di kala offline message tu diterima, hati sedikit terusik.. kerana merasakan apakah aku terlalu berlebihan dalam memujuk abang, sehingga abang kelihatan agak letih melayan karenahku yang kurang bijaknya.. Abang memang memiliki sifat tolak ansur yang tinggi, namun dalam persoalan keselamatan, dia langsun tidak berkompromi.. dan aku seperti biasa degil dengan pendirian yang tidak berasas huu

Bukankah Allah ciptakan wanita itu penuh dengan tipu helah. Dalam ayat Quran disebutkan "Kaidahunna azhim". Tipu daya mereka (wanita) sangat besar!! Satu cara tidak berjaya, dia akan menggunakan taktik lain pula untuk mencapai sesuatu tujuan. Dan aku? Tidak pernah lelah dan jemu memikirkan taktik terbaru untuk memujuk abang.. SIASAH! Siasah adalah politik, dan politik adalah strategi :D Sehingga kadang2 apabila aku sudah buntu dan kekeringan idea, aku menangis kekecewaan. Tidak disangka air mata itu juga yang akhirnya melembutkan hati abang hehe (ini kes sekali sekala je ok)

Saat ini memori membawa aku ke suatu peristiwa yang cukup memberi pengajaran.. ketika aku di Kedah tak lama dahulu. Perkahwinan mana yang tidak dihiasi dengan salah faham, benar kan? Begitu juga aku dan Abang, tapi kami tidak menyesali perkara tersebut. Kerana dengan pergaduhan itu, kita akan lebih mengenali peribadi dan keperluan masing-masing dan lebih membarakan perasaan cinta insyaAllah.

Malam itu telah sangat larut dan kami baru pulang dari beraya. Aku kurang biasa beraya sakan, kerana kami (my family) biasa beraya dirumah sendiri sahaja- A very quiet raya :) , maka ketika itu aku sangat keletihan. Dan aku kadangkala sangat2 rindu dengan cara kehidupan biasa sejak aku dilahirkan. Rindu kepada Ummi dan Abah, dan adik beradik. Bila letih menguasai, salah faham menjadi pasangan.

Kisah tu memang panjang, tapi dipendekkan la.. akhirnya abang bawa aku berjalan naik kereta. We weren't talking to each other at that time (abang selalu buat something yang buatkan aku rasa insaf huu. Asifah habibi sebab suka susahkan nta..) dan aku pun tak tahu abang nak bawa g mana. Tp yg pasti waktu tu keluar dlm keadaan yang sangat tak dirancang (It was past 12am), aku keluar pakai kain batik je haha (tak pernah seumur hidup g bandar pakai kain batik je. Tapi duduk dalam kereta je la). Abang pulak buatkan a mug of air kegemaran aku- iced chocolate drink. Waktu dia datang kat kereta, dia serahkan mug tu without saying anything, dan sepanjang perjalanan i held the mug loyally, tak pasti apa yg patut dibuat dengan air tu.. Bila ada bump je, air pun berkocak dan tumpah2 atas pakaian, sejuk dan melekit (air manis kan) huu. Akhirnya abang bawa g masjid Bukhary (org Alor Setar tahula tempat ni kan :p). Abang tinggalkan aku dalam kereta, dan dia keluar untuk solat di masjid tersebut. Aku pun terpinga-pinga la dalam kereta. Entah bagaimana, Allah ilhamkan supaya aku belek buku tentang suami isteri (I can't remember the exact topic, I'll try to write about it later). Buku tu abang hadiahkan dulu, memang aku letak dalam kereta sebab bila sahaja abang tgh memandu, aku akan bacakan buku tu dan kami sama-sama muhasabah. Perancangan Allah, automatik aku terbuka satu page dlm buku tu.. dan terus terbaca apa yang tertulis di situ...

Nak tahu apa isinya?...

~ PESAN UMAMAH AL-HARITH ~

" Wahai puteriku!Sesungguhnya jika nasihat ini kutinggalkan kerana keutamaan adab,tentu ia akan kutinggalkan hanya bagimu sahaja.Tetapi ini adalah pertolongan bagi orang yang lalai dan pertolongan bagi orang yang berakal.Andai kata wanita tidak memerlukan suami kerana kekayaan orang tuanya dan kerana kecintaan kedua orang tuanya kepada dirinya ,maka akulah orang yang paling tidak memerlukan suami. Tetapi wanita itu diciptakan untuk lelaki dan lelaki diciptakan untuk wanita.Wahai puteriku!Engkau akan berpisah dengan rumah yang pernah bersatu denganmu dan meninggalkan tempat yang pernah membesarkanmu,menuju ke tempat yang belum engkau kenali dan pendamping yang yang belum pernah dekat denganmu. Dengan kekuasaannya dia akan menjadi pengawas dirimu dan orang yang menguasaimu.Maka jadilah diri sebagai abdinya nescaya dia akan menjadi hamba yang patuh bagimu.

Jagalah sepuluh perkara nescaya akan menjadi simpanan bagimu iaitu :

Pertama dan kedua ~ Tunduk kepadanya dengan penuh kerelaan,mendengar dan taat kepadanya dengan cara yang baik.

Ketiga dan keempat~ Memerhatikan sasaran mata dan hidungnya. Jangan sampai matanya melihat sesuatu yang buruk pada dirimu dan janganlah sampai dia mencium bau yang kurang enak dari dirimu.

Kelima dan keenam ~ Memerhatikan waktu tidur dan makannya kerana rasa lapar itu boleh membara dan rasa mengantuk itu boleh membakar sifat amarah.

Ketujuh dan kelapan ~ Menjaga hartanya,mengambil berat kerabat dan saudara-saudaranya. Kemampuan menjaga harta adalah mengukurnya dengan cara yang baik dan kemampuan menjaga saudara adalah dengan mengurus dengan cara yang baik.

Kesembilan dan kesepuluh ~ Janganlah ingkar perintahnya dan jangan membocorkan rahsianya. Sebab jika engkau ingkar perintahnya beerti engkau telah membakar dadanya dan jika engkau membocorkan rahsianya engkau tidak akan aman dari pengkhianatannya.Kemudian janganlah engkau menunjukkan kegembiraan di hadapannya ketika ia bersedih dan sebaliknya janganlah engkau menunjukkan kesedihan kepadanya jika dia dalam keadaan gembira.

Bila sahaja selesai membaca, memang air mata jatuh berderai dan bercucuran mengenangkan betapa sabarnya abang mendidikku untuk menjadi isteri solehah. Sesungguhnya aku masih jauh dari menjadi bidadarinya. Langsung tidak sabar menanti abang selesaikan solat. Sebaik dia masuk ke dalam kereta, aku terus mencium tangannya, meminta maaf dan menangis sepuas2nya dalam pelukan abang.. sungguh kadang2 aku terlalu terbawa2 dengan dunia, sehingga terlupa bahawa tiket untukku ke syurga ada padanya..

Asifah abang, sebab kadang2 terlalu dikuasai emosi sehingga terlupa mengutamakan dan meraikan pandangan dan perasaan Abang.. Minta maaf.. (tak sempat nak minta maaf dari abang sebelum exam huu, tp abang mesti doakan juga kan :p hehe)

Be humble..

2009-10-21T10:39:00.003+08:00

[34]Kaum lelaki itu adalah pemimpin dan pengawal yang bertanggungjawab terhadap kaum perempuan, oleh kerana Allah telah melebihkan orang-orang lelaki (dengan beberapa keistimewaan) atas orang-orang perempuan, dan juga kerana orang-orang lelaki telah membelanjakan (memberi nafkah) sebahagian dari harta mereka. Maka perempuan-perempuan yang soleh itu ialah yang taat (kepada Allah dan suaminya), dan yang memelihara (kehormatan dirinya dan apa jua yang wajib dipelihara) ketika suami tidak hadir bersama, dengan pemuliharaan Allah dan pertolonganNya. Dan perempuan-perempuan yang kamu bimbang melakukan perbuatan derhaka (nusyuz) hendaklah kamu menasihati mereka, dan (jika mereka berdegil) pulaukanlah mereka di tempat tidur, dan (kalau juga mereka masih degil) pukulah mereka (dengan pukulan ringan yang bertujuan mengajarnya). Kemudian jika mereka taat kepada kamu, maka janganlah kamu mencari-cari jalan untuk menyusahkan mereka. Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Tinggi, lagi Maha Besar.
Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband’s) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (Next), refuse to share their beds, (And last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience, seek not against them Means (of annoyance): For Allah is Most High, great (above you all).

It’s now 1.44am I am trying to read on Dyslipidemia CPG after being bashed to a rag by a Dr during one of our classes- for not reading it earlier huuu. That’s the superficial act. I am actually sitting in front of the laptop in a very close proximity to Abang (who is sleeping soundly) trying hard to make him feel my presence (by making exaggerated movements and acceptable decible) thus indirectly wake him up because I am feeling so hungry huhu though sahur time will be few hours from now :( (Suppressing my frustration) he isn’t giving any positive sign to wake up and entertain my starving tummy huuuuuu.
We actually slept straightaway after maghrib prayer. I don’t know what’s happening to me lately, I get lethargic by doing nothing, that’s so indecent. I can’t even stand a 2 hour class, that’s is so unacceptable universally –sigh-
Alhamdulillah family medicine posting officially ended yesterday after handing in the logbook and second case write up. However the BEST part is, Abang was given a homework- he has to do a case writeup!!! How I teased him on that hehe. Chayoukk abang!!! I guess he becomes a regular tagger of a doctor in KK and in doing home visit, thus the acquirement of case writeup assignment. Next is case presentation (am I glad about that hehe). What’s next??

Haha, that (the above) was written almost 1.5 months ago. I’m arranging and cleaning my laptop, and suddenly found this short excerpt from my life diary. Failing to find the strength to throw away this piece, I decide to write something on it.
Once upon a time, I came across a saying (I still remember it was in a magazine that K.Aini gave to me) which says ‘seorang gadis tidak akan menghendaki apa-apa di dalam dunia ini melainkan seorang suami, saat dia sudah bersuami, dia mahukan segala2nya yang ada di dalam dunia’. Abang pulak selalu kata, ‘wanita banyak nafsu. Nafsu nak makanan sedap,nafsu nak barang kemas dan perhiasan, nafsu nak pergi kedai kain (erk ni memang perli nih), nafsu shopping (ni perli lagi heheh), nafsu nak rumah besar etc, tp lelaki ada satu je nafsu. Nafsu nakkan perhiasan dunia yg paling indah’. Hmm what would that be? If you have ever heard, ‘seindah-indah perhiasan dunia adalah wanita solehah’.

When I ponder upon the first saying, I think it is true (in my case at least). There was nothing that I wanted except to be a wife when I was single, and now once I become a wife, it seems like I want so many things (except for jewelleries of course because no matter how hard I’ve tried, the chemistry between me and jewelleries is still lacking. Abang silalah jangan berkecil hati when I don’t wear my engagement and wedding ring :p).

Of course one can’t blindly follow their nafsu isn’t it? Islam teaches us that, humanity also teaches us that. If one gets a husband who is so tolerant, one should be more than thankful. I am reminded of the kosher system adopted by the Jews, whereby a woman is not welcomed in a family gathering e.g a family dinner. What more if they are menstruating, they are degraded further down below the level of a maid! They are considered dirty. If I were in that place, I am sure being the rebellious me, I won’t hesitate an inch to conduct a reformation or possibly form an organization fighting for women’s rights haha. I am also reminded of the orthodox or traditional malay concept whereby women have to blindly follow whatever their husbands’ say, claiming that all the time that they would be an isteri durhaka should they try to voice out their opinion.

One should be clear of the definition of a discussion. A wife is no less a human that needs to be heard and to be understood. Ahh I’m getting a bit emotional here because I think psychological abuse on a wife is everywhere.

On the other extreme, it is a bizarre if a wife tries to defend herself and fulfill her nafsu by using religion as a stand hehe. When I said to abang, “Abang tahu tak, duit abang duit ayang jugak. Tapi duit ayang duit ayang sorang ok”. Umar and Yasir claim that I am a very unbelievable mata duitan type of wife hahaha. Abang asked back, ”Betul ke? Tak adil la macam tu sebab abang banyak tanggungan. Takkan guna duit abang sorang je!”I answered “Betul, sebab abang ingat tak ayat Quran yang cakap ar-rijal (lelaki) lebih kuat (or utama) berbanding wanita kerana apa yang mereka nafkahkan dari harta mereka…” Abang replied “Haa nasib baik tahu nak jawab” (Abang tahu sbnrnya, saje je nak uji huu) And I smiled in a satisfied mode.
HOWEVER the very same Quranic verse, doesn’t just stop there! It continues by addressing the women with ‘maka beramal solehlah, taatlah..

If I work and most of my times are spent at work, he has the right to ask me to quit. If I work and come back home tired, incapable of fully functioning as a wife, he has the right to fire me back. Now that I am studying and neglect my responsibility as a wife totally (staying far from him), if he instructs me to terminate my study and live with him, I have to obey. And worst if I work and gain money, he won’t forever has his share. But still despite all these, he still tolerates with the condition and practices patience. He even further asks “I have fulfilled your social needs, am I right?” Subhanallah, mashaAllah, what more could a wife ask for?? To MYSELF especially and all the wives out there, and all the wives-to-be, be humble, get down to earth and don’t be too demanding. (Huuuu how much harder can it be when you have 99 nafsu all screaming for freedom in all directons!!). To Abang, sorry if I am too demanding huuu (bak kata Ustaz Samsuri, “org perempuan ni hari ni minta maaf, teriak tak mo buat lagi, dah insaf dsb, 2 hari lepas tu dia ada tak puas hati dgn kita (suami), dia p attack balik. Org perempuan MEMANG Allah ciptakan dia lagu tu..” )

Finally the research report! Alhamdulillah

2009-10-19T05:39:00.005+08:00

Another long hours in the biostat lab.. Alhamdulillah the research report finally has been submitted. It’s neither the best research nor the best report, but it was my 1st formal research related to medicine J which surely paved my way towards an interesting branch of medicine. The raya gathering by the Dept of community health and family medicine this afternoon put an end to the posting (before the exam of course). Alhamdulillah for the proper meal J (nasi minyak and satay gee) considering that I’ve been living on junkfood for quite some time (if apples and bananas and granola and muesli bars are considered junkfood huu). I’ve been reminding myself to keep a pair of watchful eyes on my diet but I guess I still fail (Abang’s warning so that I gain weight before he’d allow me to get pregnant isn’t effective either. Abang, I’m fine huu~ My BMI is just fine)

My plan to go out and get some groceries from the store has been postponed for few days, and I definitely have another application to be made- to go out tomorrow. Huu but we have classes with Dr Samsul tomorrow, thus the not-so-bright prospect of an outing to take place.. I guess Abang is also busy with the coming exam in 5 days. Right now I’m feeling grateful with my luck that Abang is not around geee~ It’s not that I don’t miss him (because in truth, I miss him terribly), but sometimes life is so cruel to drain each drop of energy from every single cell in my body.. if abang is around, I am dead sure that many of his rights will be neglected.. tak patut huu kesian kat abang... And me? I just want to sleep sleep and sleep. I sleep because I feel tired, ok. (Of course if ummi knows about this, then she would straightaway postulate that I’m tired not because of lack in sleep but because I don’t get enough nutrients. Huu I always pretend that she’s going overboard in accusing me, but most of the time, I seriously think she’s 148384% right!!!) At times, I try to find the best solution as how to balance between work and family. Especially for working wife, working mother, working daughter.. I have to meekly admit that when Abang was around, he was so helpful up to washing our clothes (I have never imagined before that I’d marry someone who is very humble to do the household chores.. JAZAKALLAH abang, if u r reading this) and sometimes iron my clothes when I panic due to time constraint (I have this never-ending issue with time, and now the issue has widened its coverage whereby I have an issue with abang pulak hehe. Simply because he could never understand why do I have to go to class half an hour before the scheduled time. Dia kata aku skema sangat sampai melampau up to the level of ‘unacceptable’ hehe).

Yesterday he told me that he’ll be busy this week, and that we may not be able to contact each other until the coming weekend.. Sampai begitu sekalikah?? Huu. Since I don’t have him to listen to my ramblings (and since I think Ummi has given up on the job -(she happily calls it a quit I guess hehe :p- of listening to my ramblings after our marriage) I finally return to this old good space of mine.. all the time aware that my ED note is screaming for my attention.By the way if you happen to be an IIUM Year 4 Medical Student, and interested to get the Family Medicine and Public Health notes, silalah ke desktop of lecture hall 5 KOM ok. Initially ah long dude suggested that we create links to our homemade notes, but truthfully I’m too lazy to upload them huu

maryamalbatul : abang..

maryamalbatul : td ayang xg kedai pun
Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : ye sayang...

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : laaaa.......

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : nape?

maryamalbatul : ayang g esok la ye hehe

maryamalbatul : td ayang penat

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : ooo

maryamalbatul : kitorng siapkn report research dr 10pg smp hapir 6 ptg

maryamalbatul : berhenti lunch n zohr je

maryamalbatul : esok presentatn. lepas present, ada jamuan raya department buat insyaAllah hehe

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : ooo..ic..

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : huhuuu

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : susah laa camni..

maryamalbatul : nape?

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : sbb permission yg abg kasi just valid for today...

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : heeeeeeeeeeeeee

maryamalbatul : alah, ayang nak apply permission setahun la camtu

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : erk...

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq: susah laa camni..

maryamalbatul : nape?

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : sbb xbest laaa kalau kasi permission setahun...lesen keta pun renew setahun 2 kali..

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : huhuhu

maryamalbatul : lesen ayang sekali dlm 5 tahun..

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : erk..

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : susah laa camni..

maryamalbatul : camtu ikut lesen kereta ayang laa..

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : erk...

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : alamak..

Muhammad al-A'thiq bin Marzuki Al-Athiq : huhuu

maryamalbatul : :D

huu ade ke isteri yg mintak permission utk keluar macam renew driving license? huuu.

P/s: Note on Erectile Dysfunction has just been completed!!

Perkahwinan jarak jauh

2009-10-17T05:18:00.003+08:00

Sekarang jam 5 pagi waktu Malaysia. Waktu yang sangat sesuai untuk bertahajjud dan bermunajat. Waktu yang juga paling syahdu. As for me in my daily routine, inilah waktu paling aku terkenangkan zauj yang jauh di mata. Dan kenangan itu sentiasa membuatkan aku rindu pada insan yang sewajarnya ku berikan sepenuh ketaatan dan penghormatan.
Pada waktu ini juga aku selalu mengemis simpati Tuhan agar sentiasa bekalkan aku kekuatan untuk menghadapi hari yang panjang. Moga permulaan yang baik membawa keberkatan berpanjangan dalam kehidupan hari-hari. Pada waktu ini juga aku tidak malu merayu, agar Dia memudahkan segala urusan abang, agar Dia hadiahkan kekuatan jiwa kepada abang untuk teruskan perjuangan jauh dari insan2 yang dia cintai.

Pada waktu ini juga aku sering bermuhasabah, benarkah pilihan dan tindakan kami untuk berkahwin dan hidup berjauhan. Bukan sedikit yang hairan apabila mengetahui suamiku merantau jauh ke bumi Anbiya Jordan. Bukan sedikit yang bertanya bagaimana aku dapat berjauhan dengan dia. Bukan sedikit juga yang menasihatkan aku supaya jangan kerap menangis (ini memang pelik, sebab aku jarang sekali menangisi perpisahan aku dengan abang. Mungkin sebab shbt2 sedia maklum aku ni cry-baby kot huu) Bukan tidak sedih, bukan tidak rindu. Tetapi aku terlalu mengerti bahawa perpisahan ini insyaAllah tidak sia-sia, insyaAllah sementara, insyaAllah yang terbaik untuk kami dalam sela waktu ini, insyaAllah perpisahan yang ditaqdirkan dan diredhaiNya.. Dan kerana itu aku mendidik jiwa agar kuat untuk terus melangkah walaupun abang tidak ada disisi untuk memegang tanganku dan mengetuai permusafiran.

Ketika aku mengambil keputusan untuk bernikah dahulu, aku sudahpun bertemu dengan ramai orang yang melalui pengalaman sama. Bertanyakan bagaimana keadaan dan perasaan mereka saat berjauhan dari suami, bertanyakan bagaimana prestasi pelajaran dan kualiti hidup, pendek kata sudah terlalu acap aku bertanyakan perkara ini. Dan akhirnya aku nekad juga dengan keputusan untuk bernikah walaupun hati kadang2 masih ragu-ragu untuk mengambil risiko. Bak kata orang, belum cuba belum tau. Belum test, belum tau power :p

Abang pun suatu waktu dahulu kadangkala goyah untuk mara setapak membuat keputusan yang sangat besar dalam kehidupannya yakni menerima amanah sebagai suami. Aku akui, tanggungjawab suami jauh lebih besar dan berat dari isteri. Kalaulah ada yang berkata kepadaku, Islam itu menindas wanita, maku aku akan berkata betapa dangkalnya fahamanmu kerana Islam mengangkat martabat wanita seperti seorang permaisuri dalam sesebuah rumahtangga!! Dan sememangnya aku merasakan perkara itu Alhamdulillah :) Jazakallah abang untuk layanan istimewa!

Tapi dalam hati berbolak balik, kami terus juga berusaha untuk berkahwin. Kesusahan untuk mendapat keizinan berkahwin dan keredhaan ibu bapa (it was very hard indeed!!) memang banyak mengajar kami menjadi matang, dan menthabatkan hati. Tempoh lebih 2 tahun kami membuat rayuan ke pejabat PAMA di Shah Alam dan Alor Setar akhirnya membuahkan hasil hehe. Kalau ditakung air mata yang ditumpahkan dlm tempoh itu, tentunya lebih sebaldi! Allah lebih mengetahui apa yang terbaik.

Selepas berkahwin, kami bertarung pula dengan isu perpisahan dan hidup berjauhan. Pastinya isu berat untuk suami isteri (in my case, pasti bertambah berat sebab aku ada homesickness yang teruk. I think that was the main reason my parents were reluctant to allow me to get married and stay far apart from my husband huu. Waktu tu aku memang dasar tak sedar diri kot huu) Tapi disebabkan perkara ini telah kami sepakati sebelum berkahwin, Alhamdulillah hati tidaklah terlalu memberontak tiap kali kami terpisah jauh.

Perbezaan waktu antara aku dan abang 5 jam. Aku baru bangun qiam, abang baru tidur. Sometimes I receive his offline messages 2 to 3 minutes sebelum aku online. Aku dah nak pergi kelas, abang baru nak qiam. Aku baru nak lunch, abang baru sampai universiti. Aku balik kepenatan waktu petang, abang tgh sibuk di hospital. Aku baru nak keluar g meeting, ceramah etc around jam 8 malam, abang baru nak balik. usually abang balik around 10pm waktu malaysia. Aku baru balik bilik sometimes around 12am, abg bersiap nak g masjid n solat and lepastu dia ada program. If aku ada kat bilik malam tu, usually ada discussion ngn kawan or study group. Hakikatnya memang susah juga kadang2 nak berhubung dgn abang. Maka selalulah kami bagi offline messages je huu. Tapi it is sweet in a sense, bila aku online je, mesti excited nak baca offline message from him hehe. Waktu jumat malam dan sabtu malam barulah aku dpt betul2 berhubung dengan abang. sebabnya abang cuti jumaat dan sabtu. Selalunya hari jumaat, dia akn start online lepas balik dr solat jumaat which equals to around maghrib waktu malaysia. memang terhad. Even bila abang balik Malaysia pun, ada waktu yang dia terpaksa meninggalkan aku beberapa hari kerana mengikuti program Islami, dan banyak pula waktu yang aku terpaksa meninggalkannya kerana keperluan lain..

Aku tak nafikan kadangkala sebagai seorang wanita, seorang isteri aku lemah dengan emosi. Merajuk bila aku rasakan abang sibuk dengan aktiviti di sana, sibuk dengan persatuan. Tapi abang memang hebat, even kalau aku tak beritahu dia pun waktu tgh YM yg aku tgh sedih and sometimes menangis, he could detect. Kalau tgh call of course la dia tau kan sebab suara sengau menangis huu. Hati dan minda adalah 2 perkara berbeza. Selalunya minda dapat berikan rational untuk setiap perkara yang berlaku tapi hati suka saja ikut emosi yang tak menentu. Selalu saja aku mengerti kenapa abang buat sesuatu perkara, tapi aku masih nak merajuk dan bersedih. Cthnya kalau abang ada iftar dgn usrah dia atau dia ada program, aku selalu sedih sebab nanti tak dpt YM dgn dia. (Eventhough I myself slalu jugak sibuk dgn hal2 lain tp abang tak pernah complain pun huu) Tapi bila fikirkan balik, itulah stress-coping mechanism dia dan tak adil if aku menghalang dia dari menjalani kehidupan biasa di Jordan. Biarlah dia sibuk dengan aktiviti di sana sepertimana sebelum berkahwin dulu. And I think aku suka juga susahkan hati abang bila merengek nak macam2 especially bab dpt anak waktu study. Abang pun layan je la hehe. As for me that's the best way, and I also do the same thing to abang. Cthnya aku kata nak berhenti belajar sebab tanak duduk jauh dgn abang, dia suruh aku dtg jordan. Tp tak lama lepastu aku sendiri yang taknak berhenti belajar. Aku kata nak anak, abang kata ok je, lepastu aku sendiri yang fikir balik betul ke. Aku kata nanti malas nak kerja sebab nak jadi housewife macam ummi je, abang kata bagusla duduk rumah jaga anak dan suami je, tapi aku sendiri yang lepastu taknak jd housewife. Mcm2 lagi.. Macam tu juga abang, bila tgh sedih dia kata dia tak suka duduk Jordan sebab rindu pd isteri nan satu ni, aku ckp kat dia pergi buat surat kat MARA dan Universiti yg dia nak tangguhkan pengajian sampai aku grad, tapi lepastu dia sendiri yang taknak tangguh pengajian hehe. Sedih dan rindu tu datang sekejap2, lepas tu OK insyaAllah :D

When he was around, kami suka juga bincang life macamana yang kami nak nanti. Abang suka g masjid dan suka ajak aku g masjid, and I would always tell him, kalau ada anak nanti, I want keadaan tak berubah, setiap kali ke masjid nak bawa anak-anak. Or kalau aku sedih abang g program, I would always convince myself bila ada anak nanti, I want my children dapat tarbiyah sedari kecil, selalu join their mummy n daddy pergi usrah, tamrin etc. For that reason, aku perlu kuat bermula sekarang. Dan perbincangan yang selalu adalah nama anak huu. Kalau aku kadang2 dihasuti syaitan dan dipengaruhi nafsu malas nak mengaji, aku dan abang suka discuss nak anak2 kami jadi hafizul dan hafizatul Quran, maka kami yang kena rajin dulu. Kadang2 kami round survey rumah n harga rumah, and discuss macamana rumah kami nanti (ni aku yg suka). Abang pulak suka cerita kereta yang dia suka, dan dia nak berusaha dapat kereta tu nanti. For all those reasons and for all those things that we have done, they make us feel stronger, and that we have each other in braving the world.

Artikel ni aku tulis lepas baca artikel tulisan Ummu Thana' (kenalan melalui blog). I feel apa yg dia lalui sama macam apa yang aku lalui, dan sometimes bila aku rasa lemah dan sedih I will read their blogs (Psgn muda yg hidup berjauhan) just to keep myself reminded, jika aku rasa sedih bukan aku je yang bersedih. Kadang2 aku mengadu kat abang, aku rindu kat abang, dia kata dia lebih2 lagi rindu dan sedih and that I will never understand perasaan seorang suami yang meninggalkan isteri yakni satu amanah yang sgt berat.

Aku suka sangat ingatkan abang, kalaupun hari ini aku menangis, itu tangisan rindu untuk sesuatu yang halal buatku, dan bukan seperti sebelumnya aku menangis kerana kesedihan dan tekanan perasaan. Dan kalaulah hari ini kita menyesali hidup berjauhan, sebenarnya sememangnya sebelum ini kita tidak pernah bersama, malahan kini abang sudah menjadi milikku, maka masihkah ada penyesalan yang tersisa? Aku tenang kerana aku jelas dengan tujuan kita, perpisahan yang sementara, moga setiap pengorbanan kita menjadi asbab untuk mendapat redha dan kasih sayangNya. Dan kalaulah kita ditaqdirkan berpisah selama2nya didunia kerana maut itu suatu yang pasti, aku masih bercita-cita menjadi isterimu di syurga!

An event of rarity

2009-10-16T07:20:00.012+08:00

I'm about to enter the 3rd week without Abang (I wonder why do I have to keep counting and mention it here huu)

We went to PKD (Pejabat Kesihatan Daerah) Kuantan yesterday, as we had an attachment with KPAS (Keselamatan Pekerjaan dan Alam Sekitar) unit- the 5 of us which includes Wani, Najwa, Hafiz, Faizul and me.

As usual we went with Hafiz's car- a blue Proton Wira yg banyak sangat berjasa membawa kitorng ke attachment2 lain huu. The day turned out to be eventful when we were on our way back, the engine suddenly stopped running. It was nearly noon, and we were on a busy road in Kuantan town, and the third in the line before a traffic light, at a big junction. Undoubtedly tachycardia started to take place when after few attempts of turning the ignition key, the engine refused to give cooperation. I was in the first place hoping that there was nothing wrong other than an imbalance between the pressure on the clutch and gas pedal (as it is a manual car). Truth slowly seeped in, and we were forced to face reality when the traffic light turns green and the car behind us overtake us one by one. Truthfully we managed to crack jokes~ well I don't remember experiencing such thing before- stuck on a road.

Climax started approaching when Hafiz subtly proposed that the car should be parked on the left side of the road (oh man, we were on the right most, and it is a very big road consisting of 3 lanes!! It was just impossible to push it to the left considering the number of cars around) And worst, I started to wonder, since Hafiz was the only male, then by logic the 3 of us were the ones who should do the pushing!!!

After much discussion, and after the traffic light had turned green for few times, we decided it was time.. And (in major disbelief) instead of pushing it to the left side of the road, we pushed it towards Terminal makmur, crossing the big junction and the traffic light!!! Of course Wani cakap malu should we meet UIA students who could recognize us (hahaha), I was kinda excited and Najwa was busy doing some photography. Hafiz? I think being him, landed in a group of giggly girls, probably we made an excellent stressor for him, and he kept asking us to push harder. Huu what should one expect from 3 ladies pushing a car? Luckily a motorist offered his help.

And the pushing activity took an ugly (but it was just an ugly duckling which later turned into a handsome swan) turn, when we were at the middle of the junction (and wani was busy worrying, asking me what if suddenly the traffic light turned red and we were still there. Jd bahan pameran la haha), a classmate, Fadhil with his white Myvi appeared among the long lines of cars. I think he succeeded in giving an expression of extreme shock :P

Well I can clearly imagine, "Apa la budak2 ni buat, dengan bertudung labuhnya, sorang pakai purdah, tolak kereta tengah2 jalan raya" is enough to make people stare. The prognosis worsens when it is added with "macam kenal je budak2 ni... Laaaaa kawan2 medic aku kat uia!!!!"

When we were parked safely near the bus terminal, we tried to sort out the things that we should do. Of course the most important thing to not be taken lightly was neither of us knew how to check a car engine (I'm not sure about the bros though, but I have a perception that they are not very different from us :p If you spend your time dissecting dead human bodies rather than a car engine, that is to be expected!)

We started to call our parents in search of few useful tips and hints. Everybody was busy with their phone calls and I think I was the only one who called Ummi and excitedly told her the tragedy haha (instead of calling Abah and ask him what to do) and told Abang as well

That was when weird ideas started to surface.....

Najwa proposed the idea that the problem sourced from the car battery. She suggested we use gear 1, start the engine while the others push the car.

Wani said (she quoted from her father) that if the honk is working then the battery is ok. so we tried to honk and it was ok. Then she said (also quoted from her experienced dad) that we should try 'ketuk' the battery, should there be any loose wires. She actually found a decaying piece of wood which she used to smack the battery. The wood started to break aparts (it was decaying!)

Of course I have no idea to offer because I personally don't even know how to open the engine cover huu (I do remember abah once taught me how to check the water, battery and such. But I still send the car to a mechanic just to check for the car battery and water before I make a long distance journey and that cost me RM30! Itulah orang suruh belajar pandai2 tapi malas... lepastu kena tipu pulak tu)

Hafiz's dad asked him to find "a round structure with 3 wires attached to it". Once it is found, shake the structure. God knows what the thing was.. So we tried to find it, no different from playing an 'I spy' game..

Finally Fadhil offered his help: call a mechanic. Haa that finally solved the problem :) It was some loose wires in the starter of the engine...

This was the start: the car engine died on a very busy road

Just after the car-pushing activity

I tried to discuss with wani, but yielded nothing because I really don't know about car..

This was the suspected 'round structure with 3 wires'

Wani's battery smacking activity using a decaying wood

we were left speechless after fail attempts...

Fadhil offering his help... panggil la mekanik :p

Alhamdulillah the mechanic saved the day!

"You, kalau enjin mati try start tp tak mau hidup, jgn cuba start banyak kali. Kalau da mati, memang matila. Tak boleh jalan punya. Nnti starter losak. Kena check benda lain..." erk macam kena perli lak dgn mekanik tu. Yup we tried to start the engine until finally the battery collapsed hehe

And I made a mental not to learn few basic things about car engine huuu. My deepest thank you to those who have helped..

Notes are on the way (or are they?)

2009-10-11T11:14:00.013+08:00

What do we do in Public Health?

1. Field visit to BAKAS (Bekalan Air dan Kebersihan Alam Sekitar)

-Jungle trekking in search of a GFS: a system of water collection and supply to the poor

A well- another projek of BAKAS

Inspecting latrines (program tandas sempurna/ tandas curah)

2. Factory Visit to a chemical factory- Kaneka

3. Attachment with Vector-borne Disease Control Unit

-Learning on vector-borne diseases

-Identifying vectors (Aedes esp n other species of mosquitoes)

These are the Aedes sp larvaes

ULV machine mounted on a pick-up truck for Dengue fogging

4. Visit to KMAM (Kawalan Mutu Air Minuman)

A section in the water treatment plant

5. Attachment with school health unit

-Physical examinations for school children

-Giving immunization

The anxious standard 1 students hehe

The setting- in the school meeting room

Vaccinating a student with MMR

Giving oral polio vaccine (OPV)

Of course we have some other attachments, but I don't have the pics. And some of them are just briefings

-Communicable Disease Centre

-Health Enforcement Unit

-Food Quality Control Unit (expecting a field visit)

-field visit to Seaport (Tomorrow insyaAllah )

Good Luck! May Allah give you the best :)

2009-10-08T19:14:00.005+08:00

It's hard to abstain oneself (masking the word 'myself) from blogging when he/she is sitting in front of a computer for more than 12 hrs/ day and connected to the internet. My case definition. I imagine it is something like:

Sitting in front of a gadget which functions similar to a computer more than 60 minutes

plus 2 of the followings:

i. Owning a free-of-charge blog

ii. Internet connection is working (even if it is extremely bad that you spend more time trying to reconnect rather than enjoying the connection)

iii. A head full of junky ideas

iv. Adequate amount of laziness enough to stop continue focusing

v. born with the ability to ramble and grumble

vi. .....

I am more than sure I fulfill the case definition and definitely I don't fail to notify my hubby of the epidemic that is about to happen- the number of posts is absolutely above the expected normal values!

Exacerbated by the endless stuff to be read and the notes that need to be done, I am bestowed with no other choice other than taking a brief break here every now and then. The hot issue is, do we really need to have classes on Saturday and preventing the students from returning to their home sweet home? Another hot issue is, an open-discussion is an opportunity. So why let it go unentertained?

Good Luck to the first years who are going to sit for their exam next week!

Good luck to the third years who are going to sit for their exam the week after that!

Good luck to the fourth years who are going to sit for their exam the subsequent week!

May Allah give us the best! And the best doesn't always mean a pass :)

6 days and counting

2009-10-07T20:10:00.004+08:00

6 days without Abang, and I think I'm adapting within an OK range :) Abang? He's busy in Surgery ward and won't even have time to think of his left-behind wife (though I am perfectly sure that's not true hehe because he never fails to make a daily complain to his wife of the long hours standing in the ward) Abang, that's life.. (in a pasrah tone). Exams (Abang's and mine) are approaching fast and the usual case, I get dementia- failing to recall what have I done the whole posting. Of course I remember the fun that I had when Abang was around but medical-wise? urrr~I'll try my best to recall. The only thing that I still retain in my memory is, I was doing my 4th week of Family Medicine posting when Abang arrived home, and NOW I'm about to finish my Public Health posting- specifically speaking I'm in the second last week!!

Maybe I shouldn't waste too much of the scanty time that I have before the exam and start studying. An opposing rationale- Forensic posting will cruelly grab my coming holiday, which I'm sure will leave me with nothing else other than enthusiasm for dead bodies (yela sangat) before I deal with bones in Ortho. Or maybe I should stop dreading too much for the absence of holiday. Well, this article is just a brief intervention to release the depression which I gain after sitting for almost 4 hours in the library for I am sure the chairs and tables were built to not fulfill ergonomic criterias... my biceps and triceps are screaming for some relaxation huuu

Start Anew

2009-10-05T07:44:00.001+08:00

Today is a new day :) I start with Bismillahirrahmanirrahim followed by TB ngee~

So Long, My Love

2009-10-03T13:44:00.003+08:00

It's now 1:46pm. I'm trying to push a plate of Nasi Briyani down my gut though I'm sure they prefer to move upward and outward in a regurgitation mode. Abang has boarded the plane for almost 2 hours. May Allah ease his journey, and arrive safely in Jordan. Me? I'm trying to adapt to being single again, as well as pushing away all the thoughts of him. It isn't easy as it sounds. After the return from KLIA, I thought of doing some spring cleaning in our bedroom, but somehow the body scent that he left behind was so overwhelming that it was impossible to continue on. It's the nice smell that my olfactory system perceived each time I kissed him. Uhh I can't wait to return to my old dim cubicle in Kuantan, and my old routine so as to put a definite stop to the tears. Well it won't be long InsyaAllah before I can meet him again. As for now, I have such a heavy workload to be completed, rather than brooding. And to my beloved Abang, be an excellent medical student, and an excellent student of life! I love you MUCCCHHHH!!

To the bunch of mummies!

2009-10-01T12:26:00.002+08:00

I guess I'm trying to shift back my attention to Pink-chan (wife of Lavender-kun) now that Abang is prpearing to fly back to Jordan in 2 days time. Huuu. Am not planning to frequently update this blog anyway, since I seriously belief it makes me more sentimental haha. Am not planning to be active in blog-round as well huuu since I think Abang had enough dose of baby talk from me. Well humans hardly feel grateful with what they have, aren't they? Mankind are possibly created to be envious towards each other, POSSSIBLY..

Daily dose of:

"Abang, mawaddah kan dah dapat baby boy, nama dia 'Ukasyah. Comel. Jom kita ziarah dia"

Abang: Iye? Jom.

"Abang, Atikah junior abang kat MMAS kan, baby dia dah keluar dari hospital"

Abang: Alhamdulillah

"Abang kenal tak Nihlah kat matrik dulu? Dia kan dah pregnant sekarang.."

Abang: Kalau nampak muka mungkin cam. Oo dia pregnant ye

"Abang kenal Izani kan? Yang pharmacy 3rd year tu. Wife dia kan dah pregnant 2 bulan.."

Abang: Kenal. Dia masyi Quran tau. Wife dia pregnant? Rezqi dia, Alhamdulillah

"Abang, K.AC kan dah pregnant sekarang!"

Abang: Iyye?

"Abang, Kak Ati kan anak dia dah 2 orang. Itupun dia tak sabar nak lagi yang ketiga"

Abang: Mungkin K.Ati nak baby boy pulak

"Abang, wife Jumadi dah nak dapat second baby dah. Nak cukup sepasang sebab dia expecting a baby boy"

Abang: Alhamdulillah

"Abang, Basyir comel kan? Kan?"

Abang: Haah. comel. muka dia macam muka mak dia.

"Abang, wife Tuan Bad kan dia jaga baby dia sambil belajar sekarang"

Abang: Hmmm

Hahaha. I think I repeat the same things everyday although I know very well that Abang are very well informed on the latest news. And although I know very well Abang terpaksa banyak sabar je bila aku ulang2 benda yang sama. A marriage is not complete without kids, isn't it? And I'd be lying if I say I'm not keen in having 1 huuu. Keadaan tak mengizinkan? I don't know. Eventhough I've been trying hard to convince Abang that I really can manage it, claiming that Maryam the mother of Prophet Isa alos raised him singly. Really I have no experience and I don't have the right to convince anybody or myself huu. And for this reason, I really think I should watch out my blog-round a bit just to prevent myself from going overboard in making Abang agree to have kids haha. Still to the mums out there, you are so lucky! Be a bunch of good mummies and raise up great mujahid and mujahidah! :)

malasnyeee..

2009-09-30T07:30:00.002+08:00

Really not in the mood of blogging..... though I have written on so many things and save em in the laptop huu~

Jealousy is the worst policy!

2009-09-10T19:51:00.007+08:00

If anybody is wondering of the sudden appearance of many posts today, head-scratching is definitely not needed here :p it equals to abang's absence. He went back to KL today, for some matters that he needs to settle, and I am stuck in Kuantan with classes that extend up to Saturday. How very unfortunate of me :(

I can't remember how many times he asked me today to value the remaining of ramadhan by increasing the intensity of ibadah, but here I am brooding over his absence and forcing myself to sleep huuu

We went to the playground (sebelah rumah je pun) with 2 CPGs- Hypertension for him and dyslipidemia for me. In the end we went back without even reading the first page because he was so busy on-call :p uruskan junior yg akan fly ke Jordan, and I was so busy taking his photos hahahaha

Again- busy arranging the new students huu. I really should adapt to this situation. He'll be busy with his career and simultaneously busy with islamic movement an works. Every muslim will be! I really should learn to be more independent emotionally. Every muslimah should!

2009-09-09T13:54:00.007+08:00

It has been a while since I temporarily stop blogging.. it's hard to write when I am occupied with abang, yup! He arrived home 3 weeks ago hehe after a failed surpirse (definitely he needs to work harder to surprise me huu). I clearly remember when one morning, in the bus on the way to KK Beserah, I said something to a friend that sounded like "There's something fishy about abang.. I think he's coming home today" (that was supposed to be 4 days before his expected flight) but of course I didn't want to have too much of a hope, so I tried to act cool.. until a sequence of fishy events occured and I couldn't resist but to confirm his presence in Malaysia huuuu. That was 3 weeks ago :) To my own surprise, we have actually spent time together much longer compared to after our marriage hehe (he flew back to Jordan after 2+ weeks of our marriage)

Spending Ramadhan with him is definitely something! Though I have to sincerely admit that nothing much (in terms of ibadah) can be done when a long-separated husband and wife meets each other again. We have so much to tell to each other that I think I can talk non-stop to him (which of course worsens the prognosis of my big mouth though that is not a big problem actually considering that abang talks much more than me?? eh hahaha), so many plans to be carried out in a short period (few weeks left before he'll be flying off again huu), and in the end we just feel too tired for routines. Performing tarawih in the mosque I think is the biggest challenge for us huuu.

He's doing Family Medicine posting now. It was wonderful when he joined me in KK Beserah, but now that I have moved to a new rotation which is Public Health posting, he's on his own :p Good news is Ulu Tembeling trip has been cancelled!!! How much more wonderful can it be when I have been brooding over the trip and very reluctant to go as well, Alhamdulillah :)

In this posting, my group is doing a research on H1N1 which spells endless and tiring field work ahead pheww. Yet I still have time to feel excited for the upcoming raya :) Our first raya together insyaAllah :) Truthfully I have a hard time convincing abang to buy baju melayu huu when i myself am not sure since when do I care about baju raya??? Probably it's the colour-matching thingy ngeh3. Shopping with him? That brought even a worse throbbing headache!! (well I insist in buying a wadrobe-full of clothes for a man who is not keen in shopping.. so I should earlier expect something not very favourable huh? hehe, at least I discover something about abang, he is not a shopaholic, sooo unlike me huu)

Well abang did learn to cook few things. When i look at the photos of him and the cooking utensils, I am reminded of photos of ummi and abah in their younger years especially in UK, when everything was on the floor (including the mattress) :p that's how everyhting start for most couples i guess.. from scratch. Especially when most things are unaffordable to them. And I am enjoying every second of it, maybe when we become financially stable 1 day, we'll always reminisce our early days together :p including abang masak pengat pisang guna rice cooker! Hmm he used to buy pengat pisang from bazar ramadhan (the frequency almost reached every day huu and I was not very happy because it was expensive so that was how we decided to make our own pengat pisang hehe) He was so proud of his own pengat pisang which he self-verified as TASTY and even planned to make a potful of pengat pisang for his friends for iftar hehehe

I'll probably write some more later :) As for now, selamat beribadah dalam 10 hari terakhir ramadhan!! :)

Hmm busy chef ni campurkan bahan

Ni lepas abang masak brown sugar dengan sagu

Tadaaaa!!!!!!!! Pengat pisang abang dah siap. let me make a testimonial: SEDAP!! :D

this is my dumpster :D

2009-08-23T06:26:00.005+08:00

Probably the Diabetes CPG was made and meant not to be read as a whole (by medical student huu) because after trying very vigorously, it seems like I still can get nowhere with it. Or is it just me??? Hmmm

6 more days to go.. and I'm praying hard for something wonderful to happen huhu. An approved application? Quite close..

I received a wonderful news yesterday. Somebody is getting married? aha!!! :D Selamat Pengantin Baru!

It's the second day of Ramadhan. And I have just received a warning from Abang hahaha. Just to practice Qishas, I presented him with a warning as well. Takut tak? Mesti abang cuak nih hehe. Nak drill your memorization, Abang!! :p

And I can't wait to go to the clinic. Isn't that superbly weird?? I think so huuuu...

By the way, membeli belahlah di gerai SRC/ MRC dekat CF Bro k! Ada jual kurma :)

Monolog Hati

2009-08-21T19:09:00.003+08:00

Tak sampai sejam Ramadhan akan tiba.. Pastinya penantian yang mendebarkan tapi tetap jua tidak mampu bersabar.. sebagaimana berdebarnya aku menunggu kepulangan abang dan hati berharap cepat saja masa beralalu agar dapat terus kutiba di saat waktu itu…seindah pertemuan pertama selepas akad nikah insyaAllah

Sebentar sahaja lagi tarawih pertama akan diadakan. Niat di hati ingin menyertai tarawih di Masjid UIAM di KOM (Kuliyyah of Medicine). Sempatkah aku? Bunyi guruh sedari tadi mengacah2 perasaan. Mungkin terpaksa bertarawih di mahallah sahaja seandainya hujan turun.
Ramadhan meninggalkan banyak kenangan yang mengundang syahdu. Aku masih ingat, suatu waktu dahulu, aku dan asma berjaga pada malam ganjil dalam sepuluh malam terakhir. Bukan calang2 berjaga, malah berjaga sehingga ke waktu subuh. Pastinya misi mencari lailatul Qadr. Dengan masing2 ditemani sehelai kertas, tertulis atasnya senarai doa yg ingin kami pinta apabila bertemu lailatul Qadr. Tingkap bilik kami buka.. kerana ingin melihat pokok yang turun bersujud. Dan segelas air kami letakkan diatas meja, agar dapat kami sedari kehadiran Lailatul Qadr apabila air tersebut membeku. Apabila dikenang semua itu, pasti aku tergelak sendiri. Naif sungguh kami di waktu itu. Dan cetek pula ilmu tentang malam istimewa. Malam seribu bulan, bukan bermakna air akan membeku, bukan pula pokok akan bersujud semuanya, bukan langit menjadi cerah.. yang penting beramal, dan ganjarannya pasti tersedia!

Masih juga kuingat Ramadhan kami di rumah lama.. banjir teruk diwaktu itu. Aku yg tidur ditingkat atas pastinya enggan bersahur kerana tidak mahu meredah air banjir ditingkat bawah.. Dan setiap pagi, Ummi lah yang akan meletakkan nasi dan lauk didalam pinggan dan memberikan kepadaku yang duduk menanti di tangga.. Sungguh aku benar2 sepatutnya malu dengan Ummi! Dan kami berbuka puasa dalam keadaan rumah yang berlecah.

Suatu waktu dahulu, Ramadhan kutemui sewaktu menduduki SPM. Dan Ummi sangat risau aku berpuasa ketika menjawab peperiksaan. Sungguh Allah itu mengetahui hati bimbang seorang Ummi. Aku ditaqdirkan cuti berpuasa sehingga tamat peperiksaan. Dan setiap hari, Ummi pastinya akan bawa aku pulang kerumah untuk makan tengahari walaupun aku berkeras untuk menumpang solat zohor dirumah kawan berhampiran sekolah. Tersenyum aku mengenangkan semua itu.

Teringat juga suatu Ramadhan 3 tahun lalu.. ketika aku sangat buntu untuk membuat pilihan tatkala menerima lamaran seseorang.. sedangkan hati terpaut pada seorang akh lain dan aku tidak tahu apakah dia dapat menerimaku.. Masih kuingat tarikh itu 25 ramadhan ketika aku benar2 menangis dan berharap, dlm kegelapan aku mengemis simpati dariNya agar ditunjukkan jalan keluar.. sehinggalah seminggu kemudian aku mendapat SMS dari dia yang sangat kupuja, yang langsung melamar terus kepada ummi dan abah.. sungguh Allah selalu tidak mengabaikan hambanya.. sehingga kini Allah menghadiahkan dia kepadaku, menjadi suami yang sangat setia.. ahh pastilah aku insan yang paling bahagia. ALHAMDULILLAH untuk pemberian ini.

Masih kuingat ramadhan aku di Kuantan, sungguh aku sangat suka beriktikaf pada sepuluh malam terakhir di Masjid Negeri Kuantan. Memang pada dasarnya kami tidak dibenarkan untuk bermalam disitu, tetapi setelah kupujuk rayu kepada pak guard, dia mengizinkan juga tdengan syarat lampu besar tidak boleh dinyalakan.. dan kami dikunci dalam masjid. sungguh syahdu apabila bersendirian (meskipun ada beberapa akhawat lain) didalam rumah Allah yang sangat luas, begitu terasa kekerdilan seorang hamba. Pada tahun pertama, aku kesitu dengan menaiki kereta Pak Teh (prebet sapu). Pada tahun kedua, aku sudah memiliki kereta sendiri hadiah dari abah- Fiat Brava yang aku panggil Shika. Pada tahun ketiga, aku kesana menaiki Naza Suria juga pemberian abah yang aku panggil Shika Jr. Pada tahun keempat? Terpulang pada abang..

Teringat juga Ramadhan yang baru sahaja berlalu pergi, ketika posting pertama aku dlm tahun klinikal- mana mungkin aku lupa ketika aku berpuasa di Temerloh, sungguh memori yang sangat bermakna apabila kami selalu berbuka puasa di dalam bas untuk pulang ke Kuantan. Dan kami bertarawih di rumah, masak untuk berbuka.. terasa bagai baru sahaja ramadhan itu berlalu.. dan kini aku bakal bertemu ramadhan lagi..

Bagaimana pula dengan ramadhan kali ini? Ah tentulah ramadhan ini bakal menjadi ramadhan paling bermakna insyaAllah :) kerana ramadhan kali ini aku tidak bersendiri lagi, ramadhan kali ini aku berdua. Kalau dahulu setiap kali tibanya ramadhan dan setiap kali tibanya syawal, pasti aku tertunggu2 SMS dari tunangku, mesej formal yang mengucapkan Selamat Berpuasa dan Selamat Hari Raya. Tapi kini aku tidak sabar menunggu ucapan mesra dari kekasih yang sangat aku cintai, untuk mengucapkan selamat berpuasa!

Sayang, InsyaAllah lagi sejam bermula Ramadhan. Kesyahduan Ramadhan sudah sangat3 terasa.. Moga kita sama-sama memasuki Ramadhan dengan hati yang insaf, dan keluar darinya dengan diri yang jauh lebih bertaqwa.. Rapatkan dirimu dengan kalamNya, wahai HAAFIDZUL QURAN. Sungguh aku sangat bertuah dapat dicintai oleh hamba yang hatinya sangat mencintai Pencipta!
Ingatan mesra dari Zaujah Sayang

Pastinya aku akan menunggu ramadhan seterus2nya.. ketika kami tidak lagi berdua tapi ditemani buah hati, dari benih cinta tautan kasih antara aku dan abang. Ah tidak sabar untuk ku tunggu waktu itu

P/s aku suka panggil Sayang dengan gelaran Hafidzul Quran walaupun Sayang acapkali berendah diri menegaskan banyak hafazan yang dia tak mampu pegang.. Itu satu doa untukmu, Sayang. Agar kau lebih bersemangat untuk hafaz kembali bahagian dari Quran yang terlepas dari genggamanmu

Letto – Sejenak (untuk mengahrgai Ramadhan..)

sebelum waktumu terasa terburu
sebelum lelahmu menutup mata
adakah langkahmu terisi ambisi
apakah kalbumu terasa sunyi

luangkanlah sejenak detik dalam hidupmu
berikanlah rindumu pada denting waktu
luangkanlah sejenak detik dalam sibukmu
dan lihatlah warna kemesraan dan cinta

sebelum hidupmu terhalang nafasmu
sesudah nafsumu tak terbelenggu
indahnya membisu tandai yang berlalu
bahasa tubuhmu mengartikan rindu

luangkanlah sejenak detik dalam hidupmu
berikanlah rindumu pada denting waktu
luangkanlah sejenak detik dalam sibukmu
dan lihatlah warna kemesraan dan cinta

yang tlah semu.. yang telah semu

[WARNING: A wife's personal rambling]

2009-08-20T19:41:00.005+08:00

[WARNING: This is a personal rambling]

I am still thinking of a dream which I had 2 days ago. it was abang's radix coco. Because I like crying so much, when Abang was around, he used to make a big cup of Radix Cocoa to 'pujuk' huhuu because he knew I like cocoa drink so much. Buat dalam cawan plastik oren yg besar with ices. And he would sprinkle some cocoa powder on top. Huu it was really delicious that I dream of it. Exactly the orange plastic cup, the ices and the sprinkled cocoa powder

At the clinic we were given the chance to clerk a patient with a history of domestic violence. If you think the patient is a woman, then you are definitely wrong. HE. A 20-something man who married a 20-something woman. The wife cheated on the husband and got pregnant, the husband was very depressed and tried to commit suicide.. it was a typical case anyway, but still... Something about the case, and someone comparing the case with our (abang and me) condition left me in such an unstable mood. I just can't explain what is it, it's neither anger nor sad, neither anxiety nor depression, it's just... unexplainable.. But 1 thing for sure, it makes me appreciate abang more and more, it makes me miss abang more and more and it makes me --- more and more.. Kerinduan yang amat sangat kat abang, wallahua'lam (He knows Best!!)...

What really touched my heart was when the Dr mention that one of his patient (a man who also had a similar marital problem) said, "How could she give my Right (haq) to other man???" Really it is extremely depressing, and I wonder, do I really and strictly take good care of Abang's haq as a my superb husband? For him only, and only for him?.. Continue crying.. Being a wife is definitely not as simple as ABC especially when you are not sure whether you have done your best to fulfill your husband's Haq. Of course not in our case, based on mutual consent :)

Well some people are wondering why am I being so open about our relationship. Simply because there's no such thing in the Islamic Syariat that says "Don't tell others about your marital relationship" (the only prohibited thing is to tell others your bedroom secret). Even Aisyah (ummul mukminin r.a) told Rasulullah about 9 wives who tell about the good things and bad things of their husbands' (without mentioning name) for the purpose of taking some ibrah. One has the option whether to read it or not but I will continue writing anyway huuu. As for me, I do something that is lawful, so why not? Well, probably because I think I had enough of premarital quarrels with abang haha (truthfully we launched World War before our marriage haha, Ummi je la yang tau and selalu jadi orang tengah huu. Bergaduh tak habis2 sebab nak bercinta dah tak boleh haha. I wrote more about us before marriage in abu-ameer.blogspot.com) so now is the time for revenge hehe.

I used to practise ghaddul basr (lowering of the gaze), but now that I have a handsome husband (semua husband pun handsome in their wives' eyes, don't worry :D), why shouldn't I find the satisfaction in studying his face? Ini baru la cuci mata yg sebenarnya, bukan cam org lelaki yg mata keranjang k, lagi merosakkan hati ade la. P/s seriously abang semakin handsome skrg sejak dia ada rambut mcm porcupine hehehe :p

I never touched an ajnabi man before, now that I have someone whom I can touch, why shouldn't I make myself happy in doing so? Pegang tangan 24 jam pun takpe :D

We never had the chance to act lovey-dovey to each other before, so now that we are able to do so, why not? Nak panggil sayang sejuta kali pun no problem

The issue is, whenever an unmarried couple appears publicly, showing love and affection to each other, nobody raise any question. It seems normal. When a married couple act all lovey-dovey, people start to give a weird stare- as if "Eh dah kawen pun gatal lagi?" APA SEMUA NI????

As for me, I really like it when Abang says, "HALAL!" :D Macam dapat kelulusan SIRIM plak hahaha

Abang yang handsome dgn rambut porcupine! Ni gambar abang waktu dia g buat lwtn ambil belajar kat farm kot.. bersempena subject yg dia amek Animal Health. Dah rindu tak dpt jumpa, tengok gambar pun ok la :D

I said: Abang, kambing tu comel laa

Abang said: Errkkk?? Sayang, itu keldai la!!!

I said: huuuu...... macam kambing je....