Random Thoughts

Team Mom Review: K'nex Set

2009-11-27T20:50:00.000-08:00

Finally. Finally, my darling eldest child is finally old enough to handle a big boy K'nex set. Back, oh about 5 years ago, my then childless brother sent my then 3-year-old son a very fabulous K'nex set designed for much older children. I kept it in the closet for about a year until he finally annoyed me so much with his beggin that I let him get it down and try it out. It was tricky for his still chubby little four-year-old fingers to put together the teeny parts. He needed a lot of adult guidance and he would not keep the pieces in their very nice box. So eventually all the pieces were scattered and he never played with it. But he's older now. It's all good.

He was excited to receive a 400 piece K'nex set from the nice folks at Team Mom and he got to building right away. It kept him busy for quite some time. The biggest challenge for him is making sure the pieces return to their box when he is finished with them.
I have found K'nex pieces in my bathroom, on my deck, under the dining room table...
"Oops!" he says.

Other than that, this is a great set. It encourages hands on fun and inspires budding engineers to create. You can't go wrong there.

The Fight

2009-11-24T09:49:00.001-08:00

We've had an interesting couple of months. Lots of downs. Lots of turmoil. Lots of not so fun stuff to tell the truth. It was like I pulled the Dark Tower card and the Death card together if you know what I mean.

The biggest thing was a classmate of A's who needed help that he clearly wasn't getting and was acting violently toward the other children in class. It got really bad.

We considered pulling our son from school. We considered homeschooling him. We considered a lot of things but then said no. This is our neighborhood school. It is one of the reasons we bought our house here. We love this school and darnit, we are not leaving.

Now I want to clarify, the problem we had was not with the kid. The kid had issues that needed to be addressed and in our opinion were just not being taken seriously by the administration. I never had a problem with the kid but the fact that the school was for whatever reason not taking the steps we felt were needed to keep the rest of the kids in class safe.

We followed protocol. First we spoke to the teacher. Then I met with the principal. Then after an incident where A was hurt, we sent an email. We were told that since a mark was not left on our child that we were...being dramatic? That wasn't said but it was implied.

So I documented. I documented what was happening to my kid and what was happening to other kids. I documented what I saw when I was volunteering in class.
Then my husband met with the principal. He was asked to be patient. When he suggested that perhaps OUR son be moved to another class (get the squeaky wheel out, right?) he was denied and lied to. We were told to trust the process.

And more kids got hurt.

Things would be ok for a couple of days and then another incident would occur, more drastic than the last.

And we parents were talking. And more parents were complaining that their children did not want to go to school. That they were afraid.

We watched our son's work suffer. We witnessed the insomnia, the crying the stomach aches. The principal told us that if our child was this sensitive that HE should be the one who is isolated.
Really??? Really???

But she was getting it from a lot of parents now.

And the behavior kept escalating.

Finally after one particularly bad incident, an incident that still makes me shake a little when I think about it, the teacher gathered the children while the child was not there and told them it was their job to befriend this child, to protect him and to keep other children from provoking him at recess (where the bulk of the behaviors were happening). Instead of getting this child adult supervision, they were now asking the children to police him. To police a child who had physically hurt many of them.

And that is when I lost it. I sat down and wrote one last email blasting the principal and the teacher for asking this of our children. I informed them that my child has no training in child development or behavior management. That his job was to go to school and learn and not to police other children who need more help than any child can provide. I documented even more behavior and I pleaded with the administrators to help this child. To get him an aide, to get him the support, structure and help that he needed to be successful.

I sent that email not only to the principal, but to the superintendent, the director of Special Ed and every member of the school board. Oh, and I CC'd my lawyer. The one I told them in the email we were consulting because it had gotten to that people, it had gotten to that.

Within 48 hours of my sending the email, the administration decided that the child would do better at a different school.

So that child is no longer in the class. The children seem more content, the class is back on track and things are looking up. I for one and glad that I no longer spend six hours a day praying that my son will be unharmed when I pick him up at day's end.

But I have to say that I do not believe that transferring this child to another school was the necessarily right decision. I wish that the school would have worked on solutions to keep him there. I wish they would have gotten him at least a part-time aide to help him with his social interactions. I wish the school had been more proactive and less punitive.

And I told them so at a final meeting The Husband and I attended with the principal and someone from the district. I was kind of surprised they wanted to meet with us "Well you did threaten to sue them." The Husband reminded me.

Well, yes, I kind of did.

So we met with them and they assured us that the family had opted to leave on their own (which is not what the family was telling people). They also thanked us for following protocol but expressed their concern that perhaps we were hasty involving the school board.

I told them that after countless emails and meetings we were feeling isolated and stonewalled and that we felt we had been given no other choice. Our child's safety was being threatened.

I told them I felt it was unfortunate that this child had to leave. That I didn't think that was the best solution in light of the fact that there are many other children with similar issues and it would be sad if their only recourse for help would be to leave the school.

I told them about the research I had done and how many schools with the help of aides successfully integrate children like this into the public school system.

Through much of the meeting, the administrators looked at me like you would look at your dog if it began to speak English to you.

A parent doing research on a child that is not their own? Unheard of!

Needless to say, the mother of the child who was once a friend of mine now loathes me. Somehow, she was led to believe that I was causing trouble for her child. That last day got a bit ugly. I tried to explain to her that my only intention was to get her son the help he needed. She didn't like that very much and had some choice words for me and another former friend of hers. It ended with her throwing a huge screaming f-bomb and stomping away from the playground.

I feel sad about the loss of that friendship but I know I had to advocate for my child. I'm sorry but the well-being of my son will always trump a superficial friendship. Every single time. I guess she probably feels the same way.

Personally, I think I had a lesson to learn. Fight or flight. I admit that in the last few years, my choice is to fly. I run away from a lot of conflict. I mean, I was seriously considering uprooting my child from a school he loves to avoid a confrontation. Instead I fought. I became the squeaky wheel. Who'da thunk it?

I've had parents come to me thanking me for my efforts. They express relief that this child is no longer in class. I correct them. I tell them the truth, that it was never my intention to villianize this child but simply to get him the help he needed at school and ensure the continuing safety of our children. I hope he is getting what he needs. I hope the best for him.

I really do.

I Love My Job!

2009-09-19T16:34:00.000-07:00

Seriously. I have the best job ever. I have a great boss. I have wonderful colleagues and this year, I get to bring my darling boy to work with me. I am surrounded by the most amazing people.

I just can't get over how lucky I am sometimes.

Things are Better

2009-09-15T10:42:00.000-07:00

And whenever I see them starting to slip back into bad habits like hitting each other or getting sassy, I make my crazy angry face and they shape up. I don't even have to say anything!

We've been playing trains today. Some older kid told R that trains are for babies. Pooh! I think they are fun.

Ok, all that Thomas stuff is a bit kooky, the only videos worth watching are the ones narrated by Alec Baldwin. He makes it hilarious. His voices are spectacular!

Today is our day of rest. It's our only day of leisure. I'm going to do a bit of laundry, a bit of cleaning and then we might head for the park.

In other news, the running is going well. I ran 20 miles on Saturday and it was pretty enjoyable. I ran fairly slowly but I'm ok with that. I was not built to be a speed demon.
For me it's all about endurance.

Just got a call to meet at a park so I guess we are off to do that now.

Housecleaning

2009-09-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

Ha. Ha. Did you think I meant literally?
No. My house will never be clean. It is very sad and pathetic I know but it is the truth.

I am housecleaning my blog trying to get rid of all identifying pics of my kids.

The internet is not safe yo! I don't want my kids pics being used by others for weird things.

It's going to take a while to do it though. I got a lot of old posts and not a lot of patience or spare time.

After that is to scour their names off of any posting. Trying to figure out what to call them instead of their first names there is too much crazy on the internets and I am not comfortable broadcasting my children for anyone to see. I will show you my dog though. Heck, you can have her. I kid. I kid.

And speaking of dogs. We are about to drive up to a dog park in another town for a puppy and mama reunion. Yes really!
Seven of the eight puppies from Cupid's litter are coming AND they all get to see their mom because she's coming too! Open adoption people and I'm not threatened at all.
I know it is wrong to compare animal adoption to people adoption however I do think it is interesting that all of us puppy owners are actually excited to get our puppies together with their siblings and their mom. I'm just saying.

I can't actually can not wait.

Scratch that.

2009-09-04T15:09:00.000-07:00

Wow. Got a call from the principal today.
My child is apparently not as good as I thought he was.
He is so grounded...maybe for life.

My Boys Rock

2009-09-03T14:13:00.000-07:00

My A is just fabulous these days. He has just started 2nd grade and while he likes it, he doesn't love it. There are lots of silly rules and incentives that he really doesn't need.
I can relate, I hated second grade. Second grade if memory serves is a lot of busy work.
He also has a teacher who gets off on bathroom control meaning she only lets them go at certain times. She even gave them these tickets that they can put in a prize box to be drawn for prizes or use to go to the restroom. But A says that even if you use a ticket she still makes you wait which he doesn't think is fair.
I don't either.

My son is a good kid. He listens, he follows the rules and he gets his work done and if he needs to use the bathroom, he should get to use it.

What is even more ironic is that his teacher is pregnant. I wonder how she would feel if someone told her she couldn't use the restroom when she needed to.

So I'm walking him to school and he tells me today, "Mom, I wish you would home school me."

Ooh! That would be fun! He is so bright and he loves to learn and we could do some really cool stuff together BUT I have a job that is starting next week and this year it is just not feasible.
I hate that he feels this way. I hate that he is not enjoying school as much as he did in the past.

He told me the other day that he hates music and I almost started crying because I know my son has a good deal of aptitude when it comes to music. What he really hates is the very strict music teacher who he has been complaining about since kindergarten. He says she yells at some of the kids a lot. He doesn't like yellers, my kid...me neither.

I've decided to find him some music classes outside of school. He deserves to enjoy music.

It's just hard to see my son grow up and lose some of his passion for the things he loves.

School is supposed to inspire. It is supposed to be fun. It should be work too but it should be inspiring work. And it shouldn't be all about bathroom control. That is just obnoxious.

I have not ruled out homeschooling eventually. We will see how this year goes.

Still Here

2009-08-28T06:41:00.000-07:00

Just not sure what to say. I like Facebook better than blogging these days. School started this week. My job begins again soon. My family is lovely.

Nothing else to say at the moment.

Mom to Couch Potatoes

2009-07-23T10:22:00.000-07:00

I am so bored.

Riley is still poxy. Aidan is STILL coughing. There is a lot of tv watching going on in our house.
I am trying to finish up online traffic school.
Boring.

That is all.

Still Blogging

2009-07-21T11:17:00.001-07:00

I ran a half marathon from Napa to Sonoma over the weekend. It was the most beautiful run of my life. Just gorgeous.

It got to be pretty hot out there but there was a nice breeze blowing in from the ocean so it was all good.

The only odd thing about the race was the picture they used on the t-shirts and the medals.

I mean that is just weird right? What the heck is that sheep doing?

And that picture is on the medal. Very weird.

Oh well. it's a nice, thick heavy medal. Who cares if it's weird?

My legs hurt yesterday but they are better now.

My house is a mess. I have one 99% recovered boy and one boy who is extremely poxy. And he does not like calamine lotion or oatmeal baths.

I should be cleaning but I'm blogging instead.

I love summer.

I made a list of stuff to do today and I will get through it. I think I might just meander a bit though too.

What else have I got to do?

And Now To Make Things Even More Interesting...

2009-07-20T10:34:00.000-07:00

We have pox!

Riley came down with the chicken pox yesterday.

But really it's ok. He was deliberately exposed to them. Three times over the course of six weeks. He kept NOT getting it.
I guess the third time was a charm.
I know it is very controversial. I know that some people will think I am a bad or negligent parent but I do not trust that vaccine.
I do not trust the efficacy of it. It has not been proven to last. In fact there has been a lot of speculation that boosters will be needed down the road. As much as twenty years down the road. And my question is, do I trust a couple of twenty something men to go get their chicken pox booster?
No.
No I do not.

And chicken pox is much worse when you are older.

SO I exposed him and now he has it and so far everything is ok. He has about 50 pox right now but I am expecting more.
I am giving him lots of vitamin c as well as doses of Echinacea and Goldenseal. He is also having some homeopathic treatments to help with the itching as well as Tylenol and Benadryl to help keep him comfy. Oh...and lots and lots of calamine lotion. Remember that stuff?

Here is some nifty homeopathic info for pox.

So now we are dealing with one child recovering from pneumonia and one just starting with pox. I highly doubt that Aidan will get pox as our doctor freaked me out when he was five and pressured me into getting him the vaccine. But I guess this is a good personal test for vaccine efficacy. We shall see.

Honestly, I researched this pox thing quite a bit. I am watching Riley and actually just got back from the doctor with him to make sure he is ok. The doctor says it looks like a mild case so far. His first pock has actually scabbed already.

Off to Wine Country

2009-07-18T09:17:00.000-07:00

I'm running a Half Marathon tomorrow as "training".
It's going to be hot.
It's going to be beautiful too though.
Wish me luck.

Uh Oh

2009-07-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

I'm in trouble. After resisting and resisting her many charms. Erika Jurney or as I still like to think of her, Plain Jane Mom has finally gotten me hooked on Etsy.

I bought these cute little charm dolls and now I am looking at bags.

Somebody is going to have to take away my credit cards.

Getting Better

2009-07-16T10:32:00.000-07:00

Slowly. Slowly. He is getting better. It's hard to keep him resting though. All of us are bored.

I am supposed to be doing some work. I have to do some stuff to clear my credential. See I used to have a full time credential but when I left teaching to stay home with Aidan and have another kid (Riley), I switched to a part-time credential because I only saw myself doing a little summer school work.
Imagine my surprise when i was offered another job and took it a couple years ago. it's only a couple of days a week but I might like to increase once Riley is in school full time in a year or two. So now I have to go back and finish my full credential stuff.

Anyway, I am procrastinating. What else is new?

But sheesh, just filling out the application form for my project is a huge amount of work! I know. I know. I'm doing it. Pbbbbbbbt!

I'm reading a book called Poison Study that was recommended to me by a friend. It's not my usual fare but it's a good summer read. Light. Light. Light. I need light in my life.

And did I mention that we're all bored? Out of our minds.

Well...

2009-07-11T21:16:00.000-07:00

I took him to the doctor. He has pneumonia.

Poor kid.

Wouldn't You Know It

2009-07-11T04:50:00.000-07:00

Aidan has been sick all week. I thought kids weren't supposed to be sick in the summer. He's had a nasty cough. Because of it, he missed three days of his very expensive science camp. It was his third week so he knew the drill but still!
And it's his birthday. Today. He's eight.

We had plans to go to the nearby amusement park but he was pretty sick last night. We might just be heading to the doctor's office instead. I'm worried he has pneumonia. Though I really hope not.

We are having a very small party on Monday evening with just a few of his friends. It's the smallest party he's ever had. Four friends. I'm thrilled. But it's going to be a sleepover. That will be interesting, especially if he is still sick.

Why can't anything be easy?

His present from us is a skate board and skateboard lessons. Unfortunately, the lessons are currently full for summer so he will start that in the fall. We're letting him pick out his own skateboard so he will be opening elbow pads, knee pads and wrist guards in the morning along with a cool Yoda card I found that plays the Star Wars theme.

We haven't purchased any kind of goodie bag or decorations yet. I need to get on that. Might just be digging stuff up in the garage. A few balloons, a little crepe paper. What more does an eight-year-old need?
Low key. That's the ticket.

And now, I'm just waiting for the sun to come up so I can do a little pre-b-day run.
Let this be the mellowest, most uneventful birthday ever.

Cross your fingers.

Royal Victoria Marathon Here I Come!

2009-07-02T17:36:00.000-07:00

I started out raising funds for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and Team in Training during their winter season after having an exhilarating Summer season concluding with my run at the Nike Women's Marathon last October. I was planning to run Napa and I was doing this in honor of my friend Natalie and my aunt Fran who have both been dealing with a Lymphoma diagnosis. Unfortunately, I had to forgo my fundraising for the winter due to some family issues that arose. Fortunately the good folks at TNT agreed to hold the money I had raised to be used for another season.

I have to admit, my dear husband lit a fire under me to join the summer season. "These people donated to your cause and you need to run." he told me.

And I am running. I have decided that this year I will run the Royal VIctoria Marathon in Victoria, British Columbia or Canada. I'm going to Canada!

I am still running in honor of my friend and my aunt but I am also running in honor of every person whose life has been touched by cancer. My dad, my grandmother, my beloved cousin Kyle, my sister in law's dad, my son's preschool teacher, my friend who lives around the corner from me, my friend Kim's mother, my friend Kris's best friend. The list is endless. And sadly, the list seems to be growing.

And the thing is that it shouldn't be. It shouldn't be growing. It is the year 2009 and too many people are getting cancer. It shouldn't be happening anymore.

And the great thing about LLS is that they focus their research on blood cancers and most scientists agree that blood cancers are the forefront to unlocking cures for all cancers. All cancers. Think about that.

So once again I am running and I am raising money to fight this nasty disease that has affected so many people I care about. Please consider donating to the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society and helping me reach my goal.

Please use the link to donate online quickly and securely plus learn more about my progress. You will receive a confirmation of your donation by email and I will be notified as soon as you make your donation.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sj/RoyalVic09/bethgo

Each donation helps accelerate finding a cure for leukemia, lymphoma and myeloma. More than 823,000 Americans are battling these blood cancers. I am hoping that my participation in Team In Training will help bring them hope and support.

Speaking Out

2009-06-24T18:03:00.000-07:00

It's not a secret. I've been on an antidepressant for over a year. And my life has improved vastly.

I am happier, more self confident and I can handle disappointment much better than I ever have in the past.

Well last week, I ran out of my current meds and the pharmacy had not received a new prescription from my doctor. I tried to fill it over the weekend because I noticed I was on edge and went home empty handed. At home, my temper became shorter and shorter. My husband and I started to bicker over laundry and argument that went South fast. By Saturday night, on the eve of my thirty-seventh birthday I was wide awake at two am and feeling like crap.

I was so sad and angsty and I felt completely worthless. I was sitting on the couch watching some old movie and thinking about what a horrible person I am and how I don't deserve my children and how my husband would be better off without me and how everyone hates me and how I am all alone and deserve to be alone.

I felt so bad.

And it was weird because I know it's NOT TRUE!! But I couldn't help feeling it.

Fortunately, I had a stash of some old Prozac in my medicine cabinet. I took some and by morning the angst was gone. No really. It disappeared.
That is the power of serotonin.
It's all about the serotonin and my inability to naturally produce normal mounts of it.

This experience has been eye-opening.

I am mentally ill. I have a mental illness. I have real live clinical depression. I do.

It is very weird to realize the effect one little chemical can have on your brain. That one little chemical or the lack thereof can reduce me to a sniveling pile of goo in just a few short days.

But you know what's even worse. The fact that the feelings I was enduring that Saturday night. That used to be my normal. From the age of twelve to the age of thirty-five. That angst. That sadness. The nervousness. The insomnia. I felt it every single day for years and years.

Thirteen years of feeling like hell and fighting it. Man! What was I thinking?

I'll tell you what I was thinking. That it was shameful to take an antidepressant. That if I just tried harder I would feel better. That I somehow deserved to feel like crap most every day. I didn't know any better. And I didn't really think that a drug could help me so much. You know?

Crazy huh?

All I can say is thank goodness I found my biological family and found out I wasn't alone in this. Thank goodness I found a doctor who listened and helped me find the medicine that worked for my brain. Thank goodness I finally came to my senses and realized there might be something that would help me after all these years of fighting depression and hating myself.

It is hard to admit that a big chunk of who I am is part of a chemical reaction. That is humbling. But I am not ashamed or embarrassed that I found help in a bottle of pills.

Since starting on anti-depressants I have become a better wife, a better mom and a better friend. Heck, I was feeling so good after starting the meds, I decided to run a marathon and raise money to fight cancer. That is big. It's huge.
And I'm running another one. It's amazing!

There is a part of me that wishes I didn't need them. that I could be happy and ok without them, but my brain needs them. Thank goodness they exist.

I Think the Only Person Who Reads Here Anymore is My Mom

2009-06-15T21:07:00.001-07:00

And that is ok. I actually like it that way.
I have to tell this story though in case someday I forget it. My mom has already heard it though. Bear with me Mom.

Riley being the younger brother, wears a lot of hand-me-downs. He even has hand-me-down underwear. Ewwww!

But he likes it really. In fact on the rare occasions that I buy him new clothes, he tells me he can't wear them because they make him look too handsome.

Seriously. He'll put something on that is brand new, take a look in the mirror then shake his head pull it off and grab for the ratty old Spiderman shirt in the bottom of the drawer.

Too handsome.

Doesn't that just beat it all?

A Very Power Rangers Birthday

2009-05-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

Riley's birthday was a couple of weeks ago. He is now officially four.
We had a little party at our swim club. Much fun was had. I made the cake and the pinata (it's a Power Ranger's head not an Easter Egg). Here are pics.

Both the cake and the pinata were really fun to make. I ordered the cake pan off of ebay which is something I always find exciting. The pan is circa 1994 and I got it for $10.50. Nice. I made the frosting from scratch and piped all of it onto the cake myself. It was a good time.
Riley seemed to appreciate my efforts too. He was proud of me.
And he loved his party and seeing all of his pals on the hottest day of the year so far.
We had a great day.
And now for new adventures with my four-year-old guy. It's going to be a blast.

Ok, The Last Post was Mean

2009-05-24T11:44:00.000-07:00

I was in a bad mood and hating everyone. There is no excuse.

Good thing no one seems to be reading here though. So it's all good.

I am ready for a vacation that's all. I'm just done, you know?

Bring on summer.

I Don't Understand Why Some People Post Pics of Themselves All the Time

2009-05-22T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not saying this to be mean. But I just don't get it. Why?

Unless you're being funny, why?

There are some bloggers who post pics of themselves daily. IMO even weekly is excessive.

Why?

I'm guessing it's a little bit of everything.
I have my own theories/judgements but I'd really like to hear it from the people who do it.

Why?

I've always wanted to know.

Why?

And just for the record...

2009-05-01T23:31:00.000-07:00

I think Prop 8 is stupid and horribly bigoted. I am ashamed that it passed.
I have friends who voted for Prop 8 and while I respect their decision (kind of...well...not really), I heartily disagree.
People fall in love.
People should be able to get married and have the same protection under the law as everyone else.
It's like my former neighbor who is 70 said, "It's not about how anyone feels about the gays (her words) it's about the fact that this is taking people's rights away."

And when we do that, we set freedom back and hurt our country more than two people in love would ever do.

I don't even know why I am thinking about this tonight but it's been months since this thing passed and it still upsets me.

Ugh! Birthday Parties

2009-04-28T08:37:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I hate them. Hates them! Hates them!

In fact, this year was supposed to be a moratorium on birthday parties. Everyone said they would be ok with it when I declared it last year.

But Riley will soon be four and he was not pleased to hear there would be no party.

So there is a party.

We were planning just a small one just a few friends from preschool maybe.

But Riley also has friends at the sitter's.

And then there is the friend he made in the preschool class I teach.

And then there is the gang of kids he runs around with while waiting to pick up Aidan every day from school.

And then there are the kids he's been friends with since he was born.

And then there are those kids that live around the corner.

Do you see where I am going with this?

Right now, we have 47 people coming to the party that we never wanted. And not everyone has even responded.

How does this happen?

And have I told you about the Power Ranger cake I am planning to make?

I was able to snag a Power Ranger cake pan circa 1994 from ebay. It came with elaborate decorating instructions. That should be fun. I may even have to make two we have so many people coming.

Sheesh! There was a time when we worried that Riley would have no friends and now this.
I'm having to beat people off with a stick!

And what am I going to do with all the presents?

And don't even talk to me about the freakin' goodie bags.

At this point we're even considering hiring a caterer. I'm not kidding.

Holy crap! What have I done?

I just keep telling myself though that we deserve to spend what was once the scariest day of our lives celebrating with friends.

I guess after what we went through almost four years ago, we all deserve a party.

Crest White Strips Taste Gross

2009-04-14T11:39:00.001-07:00

But they sure get my teeth white.
Beauty is pain, right?

Yuck.