Clam Chowder

friedman's crusade...

2010-01-06T13:12:00.000-08:00

Thomas Friedman in an Op-ed piece in the NYTS writes with glowing praise about the father of the would-be Detroit bomber and says we will not be able to win the War on Terror unless we are able to instill values into the societies that produce them that will produce an environment that no longer produces Jihadists. He writes, “But even if we do all that, no laws or walls we put up will ever be sufficient to protect us unless the Arab and Muslim societies from whence these suicide bombers emerge erect political, religious and moral restraints as well — starting by shaming suicide bombers and naming their actions “murder,” not “martyrdom.”

Isn’t this kind of action just part of a new Crusade, of which there have been so many in the past and which will further inflame both the terrorist and the rank and file who have heard this from the decadent West time and time again?

in the hmo aisle...

2010-01-05T16:22:00.000-08:00

Congressional Democrats are going behind closed doors to discuss there still doomed health bill. They will come up with something that guarantees insurance to all Americans, which is admirable and they will keep costs down by “…savings of hundreds of dollars for families buying coverage through new insurance supermarkets created by the legislation.” according to Associated Press, but isn’t this what keeps cost up, the duplication of service by having so many players in the game. Only in America would you have a health insurance supermarket.

i've changed my mind right is wrong...

2010-01-04T12:25:00.000-08:00

Drew Westen is professor of psychology and psychiatry at Emory University wrote an opinion piece for CNN where he looks at Obama’s current problem with vacillation using the example of Janet Napolitano’s statement that the apprehension of the “undie” bomber showed the system worked only to turn around and say she was mistaken. Or the Obama insider who crowed the recession is over “…when a nation in which one in six people is out of work or has given up looking and one in five families is in danger of losing its home.” He too backed. This kind of vacillation can do irreparable damage for as Westen writes, “President Franklin D. Roosevelt didn't reassure a frightened nation that "we have nothing to fear but fear itself -- or maybe we do."

angry young men again...

2010-01-04T12:00:00.000-08:00

As reported in the Guardian the Prince’s Trust has done a study of an unforeseen consequence of the current recession. It is creating a “Lost Generation”. Unemployment is high and firms that would normally be hiring University and College student are not hiring. The social effects this will have won’t be good.

operator, operator, what's the matter with his line...

2010-01-03T20:42:00.000-08:00

Ben Bernanke is Times man of the year. Conspicuous in his absence is Barrack Obama. Rex Murphy in the Globe and Mail comes up with a lot of reasons why but one sticks with me. Murphy himself felt Obama’s acceptance speech when compared to his Key Note address at the ’84 convention was like Horowitz playing Chop Sticks, but he’s changed his mind. Obama has a grand manner but his gesticulations and mannerisms never change. He is always delivering the same speech. There would be little difference in tone between his address at Helsinki and him reading the phone book. The Right were correct in branding Jon Stewart a liberal in satirist clothing. It now seems Obama was an obvious target, but Stewart and others were swept up in the love in. Even at his most casual he seems wooden, at least W. had some charm

not being here now...

2010-01-03T15:47:00.000-08:00

There is something fundamentally wrong with having 3 gigs of songs on your iPod. It comes down to taste. With that number of tunes there is no screening. One cannot listen to an artist, let alone a song, a couple of times and decide to download. Rather a sonic milieu is created that replaces what is going on around the listener. Add incessant cell phone calls and texting and the whole notion of being here vanishes, add an iPhone, leaving the user lost in cyberspace and there is no longer a here, or maybe here has outlived its usefulness.

afghanistan is just a name on a map...

2010-01-02T13:43:00.000-08:00

The Afghani Parliament rejected 70% of Karzai’s cabinet appointments including the one woman. This goes a long way to prove that he without the corruption and nepotism that got him elected is nothing more than the mayor of Kabul. Everyone knows the vote in May will be rigged but he will see that it takes place.

How can the allies back such a regime, I guess they will stay the course until their withdrawal dates to save face. What a waste of human life and resources. At least the Taliban made the trains run on time

walking into the new year...

2010-01-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

I can walk; walk without pain; walk without a limp, not very long but it is an enormous step (pardon the pun) and Bingo I have a life again. It will take a long time to get back to the Pitt but I’ll make it back, perhaps with my feet on the ground (pardon the pun again).

heads will roll...

2010-01-01T17:07:00.000-08:00

David Brooks in an op-ed piece in the NYTs makes the point that American’s have a bad attitude in the 21 century. They expect their institutions to work perfectly and when they don’t they form lynch mobs. The bomber who was caught in Detroit slipped through because of human error in the front lines but you wouldn’t know it as everybody is asking for someone else’s head on a platter. With information being intercepted that would fill the Library of Congress many times things will slip through but this didn’t happen. It was lax security at an airport. Brooks draws the distinction that massive mistakes were made during the middle third of the last century but people did not lose faith in government. Now minor incidents are met with screams of outrage. Come on people, shit happens.

detroit threat, obama's burden....

2009-12-31T13:41:00.000-08:00

The ease at which this newest terrorist bomber was able to board a plane with explosives after being flagged by the US government, shows that the terrorist threat is largely a political foot ball. George Bush rode it to a second term and Obama is bearing the brunt of the blame. It is obvious Airport security is a farce. No one is going to come on with box cutters or shoe bombs but there are innumerable ways to bring a plane down. No I think the threat of terrorism is a good tactic by terrorists for it creates paranoia but the actual act of terrorism brings people together. Proof of which is the complete lack of successful terrorist acts on US soil. Home Land Security implies they have foiled many acts but for security reason cannot talk about them. Bull shit, Home Land Security is so political that if they foiled a major terrorist attack, they would crow it from the roof tops. I wonder how the farcical nature of security at airports is going to rub off on Obama. Terrorism is such as easy issue to take sides on.

the power of the web in the face of ineptitude...

2009-12-30T17:50:00.000-08:00

The NYT reports there are a series of books coming out that look at America’s woeful response to the insurgency in Afghanistan. They report in one,

In one telling anecdote from 2004, the history describes how soldiers under General Barno had so little experience in counterinsurgency that one lieutenant colonel bought books about the strategy over the Internet and distributed them to his company commanders and platoon leaders.

something happened to obama's plow shares...

2009-12-29T18:05:00.000-08:00

I wonder how many young voters are going to be disillusioned with Obama not getting what he said he would get done done. Part of it is of course a misunderstanding of the political process. The Democrats cannot get anything through the Senate without help from the Right and there are enough conservative Democrats in Congress to water down any progressive legislation. But it is his fault as well. Why is a lone wolf who opposed the war in Iraq sending a substantial new force into Afghanistan, a war he cannot win, while gains are being made in Iraq, which at least isn’t a failed state? He will be re-elected, God willing, but the youth and liberal voters may not show up at the polls.

no defined border with saudi arabia...

2009-12-28T19:36:00.000-08:00

Finally some common sense in the War on Terror, Yemen is now a target. Yemen is where Osama bin Ladin comes from and is a hot bed of Muslim fundamentalism. Terrorist are being trained there. It is a small country so it should not be hard to root them out. The only reason it has not been targeted is its proximity to Saudi Arabia.

the war is being lost in the veins of western junkies...

2009-12-28T19:22:00.000-08:00

The war against Al Qaeda and the Taliban is being waged in Pakistan where hundreds are dying in terror attacks. The Taliban is only a threat in Afghanistan because it is an unstable narco-nation. Nothing much has changed since before they last seized power and 1,000,000 of foreign troops will not change that.

trust in free enterprise it always has the common interest at heart, not!

2009-12-28T19:02:00.000-08:00

According to CNN some Democrats have aligned with Republicans to take government-run public health insurance off the table for the Health Care Bill before Congress thus gutting any hope for a the decent health care system Obama promised effectively taking America out of the Western axis in terms of its social safety net. Is it any surprise?

2009-12-27T15:37:00.001-08:00

Things are looking up believe it or not. My leg is getting stronger. When it hurts now it just feels like I took a fall and under normal conditions would feel better in a matter of hours and then I’d be back on my feet. The truth is it will be weeks or months but at least things are getting better. It isn’t the leg or the hand, the hand doesn’t hurt it’s just cumbersome, that really get me down. It’s being shut in with nothing to do and being stuck in a chair, which would probably hurt anyone, picture sitting in front of the computer for too long in an uncomfortable chair. I know that being able to do more each day will see me through, but it’s a long grind.

boxing day...

2009-12-26T14:22:00.000-08:00

Enough melodrama, my sister and brother-in-law are here for Christmas and afford a window of normalcy and above all else brought pain killers. I don’t dread their departure for my biggest fear is how I will fill my time. I worry less about my hip as I can maintain a normal gait on my walker and cane, although not very long on the latter, but on keeping busy without my normal level of activity. One of the ways to do this is to imagine a path to recovery and focusing on a relatively normal physically active life, no marathons, but walking and cycling (yes, fool I am, I’ll try again). I think I’ll swim too. Out on the street by the Olympics is my goal.

smoke if you got 'em...

2009-12-24T17:58:00.000-08:00

My days are measured out in cigarettes. Knowing I must quit adds urgency. Cutting down isn’t the answer. One day soon I will take the plunge and wonder if I will feel each second pass and if then I will truly be alive and be able to face the abyss that is life without time. One thing is clear. It could make for a very long life completely ignoring the number of years left. But now my life is divided into discrete packets and what will be will be.

i light a candle...

2009-12-23T15:43:00.000-08:00

The days are getting longer. It is a new year and hope springs eternal…. It’s one of those moments when the Universe moves one inch to the left. Everything is brand new but nothing has changed. I am looking forward after weeks of lassitude. That doesn’t mean I’m still not a victim of circumstance and that there will not be a whole lot more hurt but things feel right again, for the moment.

Merry Christmas!

clinically depressed

2009-12-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

I have a fractured hip and a bone broken in my hand. I sit in front of the monitor naked in a wheel chair with a cast on my left hand. It’s almost seven in the evening and I just woke up from a delicious nap and it just hit me. I’m depressed. You idiot, you might say, of course your depressed. You’re crippled, live in a single apartment with only one friend. But then it hit me there is something wrong with this picture. I rise to adversity and all summer I thought psychosis had nothing more it could throw at me. Depression was just who I was for years. I thought it was over. Gail said I was hibernating and she was right.

So now with my coffers full and short days, conditions are ideal. There couldn’t be a better way to convalesce as long as I don’t fall prey to the chatter and accept the restlessness as the price of admission.

Well that’s about it. I don’t have the energy to post anymore.

subway revisited...

2009-12-21T16:28:00.000-08:00

Subway revisited…

I'm stuck in what feels like the doldrums. A maelstrom engulfed me all Spring and Summer. I endured blast after blast of psychotic breaks. These have abated but with them the sparkle that illuminated my posts. Before they were political but after they were all over the map featuring everything from philosophy, theology, history, to the Social Sciences, I also dabbled in fiction. Many of them missed the mark but some were bang on. Now my neurotransmitters are behaving themselves the meat and potatoes approach of prior posts seems to be in order, but now I lack inspiration and the self-confidence it took to be a political commentator. Also I've just plain lost interest in anything topical. So I will turn to a different place and time.

Around 2001 I edited and wrote for a newsletter dealing with mental health issues. At the time the work seemed stilted, wooden and sophomoric and but I kept it on my hard drive as a kind of memento.

There is an enormous gulf between then and now. So wide that there seemed to be no relationship between the person I am now and the one I was then. Maturation doesn't account for the divide. The progressive myth permeates Western culture and is false for retrogression is as likely as progress. No, it was as if I were a different person.

In my first History course we looked at different interpretations of what History is. One of the essays was titled, "Every Man is His Own Historian." It simply looked at how one can create a history of out of our own past. It was banal really. All it did was introduce the concept of primary sources and documenting past events. But the concept means more than that to me.

I am no Proust. Memories are more cerebral than visceral. I must reconstruct the past as much by using my intellect as my senses. It is as if I were a character in my own narrative and memories must metaphorically be written down before they are real. This is not to say that affect doesn't colour them, but I don't relive the highs and lows. They just affect the point of view of the narrator.

Back then I was in a dark place. Hindsight shows things were looking up as the following piece shows. Although I now see there was light at the end of the tunnel my self-image was somewhere between that of pond scum and slime mold and I was the last to know.

Now that that the incredible highs of the summer are over I am once again unhappy, but have a better sense of my own self-worth as I struggle to keep the creative life blood from coagulating, but depression threatens to wipe out the positive feelings and make me doubt my own self worth as an artist. But even then there is a quantum leap between now and ten years ago., or at least so I thought. I mentioned that in the narrative that passes for memory affect the colour and what was I reading from the newsletter makes me see I was every bit as talented back then and actually wrote with more polish. This narrows the gap and makes me see that I am the same person seven years on. See for yourself. I picked the piece because it shows the insight I forgot I had.

It is also is interesting as it opens up a road map that plots a route to beat depression, one as valuable as it was then. I hope you enjoy it.

Subway…

An old joke comes to mind. A despondent man decides to end it all and throws himself in front of a Subway. Several hours later, his will to live returns when he realizes he lacks the patience to wait the millions of years it will take Continental Drift to crush him under the restaurant.

A friend and I crossed a mountain torrent moving from boulder to boulder. Midstream he slipped; reflexively, I pulled him back, and my own momentum carried me into white water. Sure of my doom, I barely struggled but then hit a rock, my head popped up, and my friend screamed “Stand up!”

Although unbelievably powerful, the stream was shallow. I stood and plastered myself against the rock and let the current take me to the next one; even with sodden clothing, I made it to shore.

After a lifetime of suffering, it is hard to say a good word about depression, but like most psychological states, it serves a function. It causes negative ideation, but dulls emotions, blunting anger or grief that the psyche cannot deal with, and dissipates when it can. Nevertheless, for some of us, this biochemical mechanism isn’t reactive, but occurs out of the blue and becomes chronic. Even then, it can serve a function by keeping one alive when life seems hopeless, as most in the grips of melancholia lack both the psychic and physical wherewithal to end their lives.

I have often bottomed out, but only contemplated suicide once; rather than despondency, passive aggression was the motivating force. I wanted to hurt someone; make her feel responsible. I made the threat; depression saved me, I lacked energy and the resolve to carry through.

An alarming trend developed with the arrival of Prozac and the other SSRIs. Rather than just combating depression, some used them to become better than well. They are used as a performance enhancers and as means of countering the everyday “blues” or “blahs”; allowing the user to be even braver to face in this new world.

The depressed person is in greatest danger when they come out of it. As the pall lifts, almost paradoxically, they are at a greater risk of suicide. Renewed emotional and physical vigour pull away the safety net. Real emotions long blocked by torpor become overpowering and where the mystery writer’s bywords, means, motive are ever present in the depths. Newfound vim creates opportunity and viola! a nasty end becomes more likely.

Controversy rages over the use of anti-depressants by children. Adolescents often have poor impulse control, which increases the risk of suicide after “recovery”, especially if the drug grants relief too quickly: Another case where the operation sometimes succeeds but the patient dies.

My own case is complicated. I am bi-polar; anti-depressants are effective, but often too much so. They end depression but can catapult me into hyper-mania, therefore, I take anti-manic agents as prophylactics and anti-psychotics when those fail. For years I yo-yoed, as psychiatrists struggled to find just the right cocktail.

There have been breakthroughs in the treatment of affective disorders. Along with what had been a nominally successful mix of psychotropic drugs, I now take an atypical anti-psychotic, usually reserved for schizophrenia. The new mix is much more effective.

To return to the raging stream, I have found another antidote. No longer a complete slave to synapses or on the drugs that control them, I can partially control affect by other means. Like my friend who screamed, “Stand up!” a family physician showed me, that though the waters of depression run swift, they need not be deep. She introduced me to Cognitive Therapy (http://www.psychologyinfo.com/depression/cognitive.htm)

In essence, this involves changing one’s mental set and replacing the negative with the positive. In my case, trust in my GPs judgment allowed me to suspend a feeling of impotence: A feeling of being damned to failure, in my own ability to make positive changes. We agreed on me reaching what now seem trivial goals. As I achieved them, I felt more positive. I worked with her for years. The increments were tiny; given enough time, however, mountains are moveable.

Ten years ago, I was virtually catatonic. Even brushing my teeth proved daunting; reading, let alone writing, seemed out of the question. Years of harsh drugs and violent mood swings produced profound cognitive damage. My goal setting focused on repairing this.

I started with large print crossword books from drugstore newsstands and moved at a snail’s pace. What you are reading speaks to the success of the enterprise.

I end with a caveat. Perhaps cognitive therapy has made medication unnecessary, but after twenty years struggling with a chronic illness, I am unwilling to take the risk. To be honest the times I have felt medication unnecessary are when I most needed it and if I act on the impulse generally wind up on a psych ward.

is it me or is it getting warmer in here?

2009-12-21T16:19:00.000-08:00

I watched a special on Global Warming. Up until then I was an agnostic but am now a believer, but do not see the issue is as apocalyptic as some believe. The consequences will be grave for there is only limited will to change. Western economies are based on growth and increased consumption. Even if the West were to go green the East are playing catch up and have huge populations and economies and employ old dirty technologies. No as the drastic effects of climate change come into effect growth will cease not out of the will to change but because economies will collapse and carbon emission will fall. That is not to say that the world will not be drastically changed and suffering and death will take place on an unprecedented scale, but human society and culture are frail compared with other aspects of the biosphere. So I believe the world will come through and mankind in a drastically changed form will come through as well, unless of course we have crossed the line, in which case it’s been fun.

down in the dumps...

2009-10-28T10:31:00.000-07:00

I lost my job last Spring and was hypo-manic all summer so I find myself living on a shoes string with no ADSL or phone. Now I am in the local library. It actually is great fun to be off the grid.

terry's funniest home posts...

2009-10-23T08:44:00.000-07:00

i am kind of in the doldrums so i will look back and at my funniest posts so far.

far, far away...

2009-10-16T12:54:00.000-07:00

I live at the intersection of two busy streets and the traffic noise can get to me when I am out on my patio. I've found a solution. I wrote a thing last summer about the benficial effects of birds songs on those who suffer from a shizo-affective disorder. Well I've found a solution to the din of traffic: a bird feeding station. Watching the birds who come to eat as they flit about and hearing their chirping and songs takes me far away. I also feed a cat. I love cats and even though he will not come close to me, he can be very entertaining in the middle of the night.