Judith's Divorce Blog

WIFE

2009-07-17T21:53:00.001+01:00

Last night I went to listen to Professor Germaine Greer speak.

“Wife,” she began, “is a reviled 4 letter word. Whoever wants to be one?”

She then presented us with a conundrum.

“But why is it that every little girl wants to be a bride and thinks herself a failure if she hasn’t married by her mid-twenties? Wherever do girls get that idea of failure from? It certainly isn’t from their mothers!”

WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

2009-07-15T19:01:00.003+01:00

“What’s Love Got to Do with It” is the title of new research published by the Australian National University. It is reported that the study identifies factors that lead to couples separating and based on the couples tracked these include :

Wizened prunes or where a husband is more than 9 years older than his wife.

Parental example where one of the couple’s parents separated .
Ashtrays or where one of the couple smokes and the other does not.

Surprisingly factors which appeared to have less effect than assumed, included unemployment, children and a wife’s employment status.

All of which would lead me to believe that any influx of clients as a perceived result of the economic downturn, is more likely to be because one of them has taken to smoking to try to help cope with the situation, turned into a mature wrinkly in the process and/or been comforted by or taken advice from the older generation.

A TIME FOR REFLECTION

2009-07-13T22:05:00.002+01:00

It was with a sense of déjà vu that I read reports about the Conservative party’s new think tank proposals calling for a compulsory three month period for reflection before a separating couple can begin divorce proceedings. Moreover, before and during marriage a couple, whilst not being compelled, would instead be strongly encouraged to attend some kind of relationship classes.

Somewhere along the way there must be statistics on what percentage of separated couples commences divorce proceedings within 3 months. In my experience, it is only after much soul searching and often counselling that people proceed. The only immediate grounds for divorce in this country remain adultery or unreasonable behaviour and any person who commences proceedings quickly invariably does so in circumstances that they feel to be fully justified. Moreover, the first three months are generally spent exploring arrangements arising from the separation, including financially and in relation to the children.

Divorce is a piece of paper that allows someone to remarry and for most separating couples is therefore of little consequence to begin with. Instead it is used to confirm financial settlements or allow the courts to help broker deals or determine arrangements where agreement has proved impossible. What difference will a three month prohibition make?

The Conservative paper however seems to suggest that expectations of marriage are now too high and relationships will be saved if couples can somehow learn to modify their aspirations. I am a supporter of any steps that can help save marriages and prevent or reduce the trauma for the whole family that inevitably accompanies a split. For relationship counselling to do this, however, it must be widely available and totally voluntary. To suggest however that couples should learn to compromise in order to save their marriage sounds to me both patronising and insulting. We are talking about adults, many of whom can be bitterly hurt emotionally or physically by their partner; surely they have the right to decide their future for themselves? What kind of political party seeks to legislate to try to curtail lawful, personal aspirations?

Divorce is not easy but it is now an accepted phenomenon. I suggest that it is the level of acceptance that has increased the number of divorces and not a shift in a willingness to compromise. There have always been dreadfully unhappy marriages. The difference is that three generations ago, people remained trapped in them.

GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS

2009-07-05T21:46:00.003+01:00

Last week there was both good news and bad news for divorcees. The Telegraph in its inimitable style published both on the same page in Friday’s newspaper. Headlined “Landmark victory for heiress in pre-nup case” it reported that “pre-nuptial agreements were recognised in English law for the first time” when the Court of Appeal held that family courts should give due weight to pre-nuptial contracts entered into. That of course is excellent, as so many divorced clients when intending re-marriage, have returned to me at Latimer Hinks in order to make a pre-nuptial agreement, unsure as to whether or not it will have any legal standing or not if the relationship goes awry.

However, and just underneath, the bad news for divorcees was headlined “Living alone can increase the risk of Alzheimer’s.” Apparently, living alone in middle-age doubles the chances of developing the disease according to a study published by the British Medical Journal. If it’s any consolation, I don’t live alone (far from it) but already my memory is far from what it used to be. Now where did I put Little Girl’s PE kit in readiness for school tomorrow and what have I done with the computer mouse; I could swear I used it only two minutes ago?

LIVING APART TOGETHER

2009-07-01T01:27:00.003+01:00

Despite talk of an economic recovery, the recession is still making life hard for couples wanting to move on after divorce. Resolution, says that continuing problems in the housing market are preventing divorcing couples from moving to separate accommodation after their divorce. Selling the family home is often an important step for couples and their families making the transition from one home to two after divorce, but with limited mortgage deals, the increase in unemployment, and one in ten homeowners now in negative equity, selling up or moving on is easier said than done for many couples.

To help people in this situation, Resolution is today launching a series of online hints and tips for couples “living apart together” ahead of a national conference on the credit crunch and family law in London.

Having made the difficult decision to split, it can be incredibly stressful for couples to then have to live together – and to not know when this property limbo will end. That’s why we have launched these useful tips, which are available online, outline some simple practical steps to dealing with debt, property issues and how to cope generally with living with your ex.

Here are some of the tips for couples “living apart together”. For more tips, including those on dealing with debt and property, log onto
http://www.resolution.org.uk/advice_centre/

1. Try to agree some ‘ground rules’ – especially around subjects that are likely to prompt argument. If you can’t do this together – think about using a professional – such as a mediator – to help you to discuss and agree things calmly

2. Get short breaks from one another – a week-end with a friend, a day out or even a short holiday will help you to see things from a fresh perspective.

3. If you can, try to stay cost efficient whilst you are still under the same roof Continuing to share costs in regard to food, housekeeping items etc. will be better than doubling costs unnecessarily.

4. Play fair in regard to new partners or relationships – and don’t expect to use your home as a base for entertaining! – this is particularly important if you are a parent.

5. Don’t lose heart – no recession lasts forever – keep thinking creatively, get specialist advice in regard to finances, property and the lettings market.

MICHAEL JACKSON RIP

2009-06-30T22:17:00.002+01:00

The recent death of Michael Jackson coupled with the reports that his mother has applied for guardianship of his children inevitably prompts queries from worried clients as to the position should they too die prematurely leaving dependent children. Is it automatic that their divorced spouse will have the children live with them or need they do something to ensure or, in some cases, prevent this? Has the fact that they have made a will appointing someone as guardian sufficient?

In English law, generally only the parents will have parental responsibility for their children and this cannot be usurped by a guardian appointed by will unless both parents have died. However, the fact that a surviving parent has parental responsibility does not mean that the children will automatically live with that person. As with all cases involving children, their best interests are paramount. So and to this end a court has power to make a residence order in favour of another person if that is the outcome which better serves the needs of the children. As a result I have been involved in cases where orders have been made in favour of grandparents or other relatives or friends, remembering always that a child’s wishes and feelings are also taken into account.

Further and importantly even where, as is invariably the case, there is no dispute between surviving relatives as to where the children should live, it is important not to overlook the need to apply for parental responsibility. If you do not have this, you may encounter difficulties consenting to medical treatment for a child or applying for a passport to take them on holiday.

Also and ridiculous as it may sound, even if you are named on the birth certificate of a child as the father, you do not automatically have parental responsibility unless your child was born in or after December 2003. In those circumstances a child may have lived with you throughout their lives but legally you still need powers conferring on you by a court to act on behalf of your child!

ONLINE STRAIN

2009-06-27T00:25:00.004+01:00

The Catholic Church counselling service, Accord, reported yesterday that too much time spent on the Internet is causing marital problems in Ireland. Not surprisingly it believes that the worst sites are those providing online gambling or dating services but additionally one partner can be perceived as simply spending too much time at their PC, leading a virtual life rather than a real one with their spouse. I note however that blogging didn’t feature in the comments reported although, and here I speak from experience, it is truly addictive but presumably perfectly harmless when it comes to marital relations. Indeed I’m now two years into this blog yet Outdoor Man still speaks to me, despite logging on occasionally to read what I write about him!

PHONE A FAMILY LAWYER

2009-06-26T23:14:00.003+01:00

This is going to make me sound somewhat old, but in the days before the Child Support Agency it was common for me to act on behalf of clients seeking or defending affiliation orders, in an effort to establish paternity of a child. At the time, analysis was based on blood compatibility tests as opposed to DNA testing as is the case now. The reports giving the results of the blood tests were generally expressed in such a way that the likelihood of a defendant being the father of the child was given on a percentage basis. It always struck me as strange when a woman insisted she had only had one partner to be given results that virtually excluded him from paternity, and likewise for a man to insist he could not be the father on the basis of a relationship that consisted of little more than a one-night stand, only for the results to be weighted to the contrary.

Indeed once upon a time I recall having to tell one young man that regrettably the outcome of the tests suggested that the odds on successfully refuting paternity were stacked against him. He was downcast to hear this but then immediately pepped up when he read the report which confirmed that on the basis of the samples analysed only 0.07% of men could be the father of the child and he fell into that 0.07%.

“Double O, Seven,” he read out aloud. “From now on,” he exclaimed with a smile on his face, “I shall call myself James Bond.”

All of these stories came back to me when I received a call this morning. It was Outdoor Man.

“We have a problem, Jude,” he said. “One of the Roborowski Brothers isn’t a brother after all and it’s given birth, but we can’t work out which one’s the mother, or the father for that matter. Apprentice Man and I are just off now for our weekend of sailing and you’ll need to deal with it!”

Obviously I was slightly bemused but totally unclear what I was meant to do about the situation from my office desk.

“We just thought as a family lawyer, you’d know what to do.”

Does anyone offer DNA testing for hamsters?

UNVEILED

2009-06-24T23:00:00.002+01:00

Fake Stig looking serious
Originally uploaded by nahtanoj

After months if not years of speculation the country was surprised to discover that The Stig was Michael Schumacher, then everyone shrugged their shoulders and dismissively implied they’d thought as much all along. There’s always something of a surprise, then anticlimax, when a disguise is lifted to reveal the true identity underneath. One only has to look to The Merry Wives of Windsor for confirmation when Caius declares with both astonishment and disgust “Mistress Anne Page is a boy!”

It’s the same with marriage. Lifting the veil from the bride’s head does the groom ever imagine that one day, as my clients complain, she’ll turn into her mother? Conversely wives bitterly resent the fact that their husbands never change, despite their best efforts!

RUNNING AFTER OTHERS

2009-06-21T22:23:00.003+01:00

Yesterday I took Apprentice Man to Hull so that he could represent the County in an Athletics Tournament. It was a 160 mile round trip and effectively took up the whole of my Saturday. Fortunately he maintained his county standard and everyone was happy.

It reminded me however of all those instances when clients describe with regret how they put themselves out over the years for their partner, only to find that he or she leaves them for another.

During the day I had plenty of time to ponder and daydream. I wonder, come the Olympic Games in 2012, should Apprentice Man find himself running in London will he secure a ticket for his girlfriend rather than his mother? If so, will I remember with indignation the fact that it was me who got up early to drive him all that distance to Humberside; sat on a hard seat for 4 hours wrapped in a fleece and cagoule to protect me from the constant and heavy rain showers; that he was lousy at navigating causing us to miss the correct turn on more than one occasion; that the moment we got home, he was straight out again with his friends, leaving his kit on the floor for me to wash?

Whilst few would say they expect a material return for investing time in their loved ones, many would nonetheless feel embittered if that investment is not reciprocated. In matters of relationships, whilst we may live for the moment enjoying what we have and what we do, equally even the most altruistic person might feel cheated if ultimately there is no gift of reciprocity and they are abandoned.

THE DIVORCEE'S DICTIONARY

2009-06-19T22:02:00.002+01:00

There follow extracts from that well thumbed lexicon, "The Embittered Divorcee's Dictionary of Life,":

Man man (noun) a foolish knave
Woman wuman (noun) a frivolous maiden
Love luv (noun) an illusion
Marriage marrij (noun) reality
Separation separayshun (noun) purgatory
Divorce devorss (noun) hell
Marry marree (verb) wed
Divorce devorss (verb) future tense of marry
Financial-Settlement fynanshall setulment (noun) robbery
Pre-nup pree nup(noun) insurance
Maintenance maintenanss (noun) lifeline, if the recipient; millstone, if the payer
Lump sum lump sum (noun) blood money
Pension share penshun share(noun) penury in retirement

THE PEN IS MIGHTIER THAN THE STICK

2009-06-16T21:28:00.001+01:00

A novel punishment made the headlines in Turkey today when a Judge sentenced a man who had inflicted a beating on his wife, to distribute a leaflet to 1,000 people personally. Apparently it read: “I apologise to my wife and all the people of Arac for hitting my wife.” It seems the punishment arose from a law introduced as a result of Turkey’s efforts to join the EU. Maybe a few more countries, our own included, should be made to reapply for membership and come up with some unique and effective punishments of our own.

MIMA

2009-06-11T22:11:00.003+01:00

MIMA
Originally uploaded by p_a_h

This evening I found myself in the company of other family lawyers in a room piled high with broken crockery. A scene from a domestic dispute open to forensic examination you might guess. No, I was being entertained in the somewhat novel surroundings of the MIMA art gallery in Middlesbrough where the exhibition I was treated to was of something known as conceptual art, expressed in this instance through the medium of ceramics. Apparently it was a moving portrayal of the loss of industry, particularly the closure of pottery kilns in Staffordshire! Thank goodness we had a guide to explain it all and, as one of the party quipped, “It must be good, even the barristers are speechless!”

MARRIED OR NOT?

2009-06-10T21:52:00.003+01:00

After hearing evidence and watching the DVD of the wedding of Gillian Hudson and Robert Leigh in South Africa, Mr Justice Bodey sitting in the High Court commented that it was a splendid and romantic ceremony. Apparently it took place on a rooftop complete with priest, full wedding trousseau, well dressed guests and the sea as a perfect backdrop. The Judge however ruled last week that nevertheless the couple were not married.

It seems that, sense of occasion apart, the couple, who had also intended to have a civil ceremony in Chiswick Register Office, separated before they could get there and the format of the ceremony they undertook was insufficient for the court to determine the existence of a valid contract of marriage. Unfortunately for Miss Hudson that means that she cannot divorce Mr Leigh and her financial claims against him are now essentially limited to support for their child and not for her.

Weddings have changed greatly over recent years with many no longer held in church but at non-traditional venues such as hotels, stately homes and even football pitches. This trend for personalising weddings has been fuelled by TV shows, such as “Gavin and Stacey”, where, as part of the ceremony, characters have quoted their own declarations of love to demonstrate the depth of their feelings.

In olden times it was accepted that jumping over the broom together was sufficient to form a common-law marriage. In England today all marriages must conform to statute law and the idea of a common law marriage is a myth. You can jump over the broom with whomever you choose, in as many romantic settings as you want but, at the end of the day if the necessary formalities are not complied with, you remain unmarried in law.

Furthermore if you are not married and your relationship breaks down, financial claims are severely limited, if not non-existent. That’s why Resolution continues to campaign for a change in the law in this area

THE ROBOROWSKI BROTHERS

2009-06-07T21:03:00.002+01:00

The Roborowski Brothers could be the name of an acrobatic troupe but it isn’t, or at least not as far as I’m aware. Instead it’s the name given to Little Girl’s latest pets, three dwarf hamsters whose ancestors originate from the Gobi desert. Apparently in the wild these little things run 20-25 miles a night. In our home they do the same, but on a hamster wheel. Tedious you might think and I’m sure they’d agree, if they stayed off it long enough to consider their predicament.

Instead, the pace of life for them gets quicker. They have become more accomplished, dueting together in the wheel or, when time is really pressing, with a third running behind. It’s non-stop activity 7pm-10am daily. The only break from the tedium is when petty squabbles break out among them, especially when one seems to be on that wheel continuously. We’ve been told that sometimes these little tiffs can escalate to the point where they will be unable to live in harmony together and will need to be popped into separate cages. Sounds familiar? Get off the hamster wheel!

PAIN OF REJECTION

2009-06-03T20:25:00.001+01:00

If you are going through a difficult separation, you could find yourself feeling tired, depressed, and incapable of functioning or even indulging in non-customary behaviour. These are, of course, perfectly normal side effects for someone enduring the pain of rejection.

For an extreme example, take heart and look at the case this week of Susan Boyle. She was the runner up in a television talent show on Saturday and on Sunday was admitted to hospital officially suffering from exhaustion but with rumours abounding that it could be more serious. She has never been married but she now nonetheless knows the agony of rejection, in her case at the hands of the British TV viewing public, for it was they who brutally condemned her to second place.

Furthermore it appears that the Prime Minister has intervened by ringing one of the Judges in the show to express his concern. Regardless of the level of your pain, don’t expect him to show the same interest when your divorce case comes up before a Judge.

AN ENGLISHMAN'S HOME IS HIS CASTLE

2009-05-30T22:26:00.005+01:00

It is often said that “An Englishman’s home is his castle” (although unlike MPs the rest of us can’t claim to have our moats or even drains cleaned at the taxpayers’ expense). So it is that, when a relationship ends, invariably the hardest asset to sort, and to which so many of us are emotionally attached, is the home. Whether it be the inside living space to which we have applied paint and creative thought, the hours spent growing the garden or the nostalgic memories of happy times within its walls, all serve to increase the attachment.

But what if the mortgage is too large, the repair bill huge, the equity is needed to provide two homes, or the living space too much for one person? Regrettably and as a result there can be no choice but to let go. The castle has to be sold and both of its occupants move on.

That, of course, is the tradition with castles. North Yorkshire, where I live, is scattered with proud ruins, each with its own history of ransacking and battles, particularly from the continuous skirmishes during the Wars of the Roses. Drawbridges, moats, cannonballs and even boiling oil poured from the ramparts never proved themselves as total defences when seeking to ward off an onslaught for possession. It's no different in the divorce courts.

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

2009-05-26T21:37:00.004+01:00

Frequently little incidents in our lives can act as metaphors for life generally. This blog is full of them but here is another instance:

My family and I are renowned for indulging in what others might describe as team building through adversity. The recent Bank Holiday weekend was no exception. It was our first weekend spent sailing this calendar year and we set off with high expectations and the promise from the forecasters of splendid weather. Needless to say it was raining when we arrived and we promptly postponed our departure until the following morning. It dawned bright but breezy and we headed out of the harbour mouth in anticipation of perfect sailing conditions. Instead we were met by lumpy seas and squalls from the hills providing most unpleasant conditions, which I confess finally caused me to call for the bucket. At least our passage was fast and we reached our destination within 4 hours, only for Outdoor Man to announce that there was too much of a swell to anchor and we would instead head for another bay, 3 hours’ sail away!

It’s at times like these that you begin to appreciate how mutinies arise and, for more than a moment, the prospect of actually walking the gang-plank and bailing out, seemed very attractive. I didn’t; we all pulled together or even the ropes, and when we did reach that bay, it was idyllic, the sea state smooth and the sun shining.

NATIONAL FAMILY WEEK

2009-05-23T09:53:00.001+01:00

Next week is National Family Week (you watch, there’ll be greetings cards for it in years to come). Families, of course, come in all shapes and sizes, and the end of a relationship doesn’t have to result in the breakdown of a family.

At Latimer Hinks, I see separating parents daily who desperately want to help their children to deal with the effects of divorce and separation, but they often don’t know where to turn for information, advice or support. Resolution, the national family lawyers association, has developed its “Parenting after Parting” initiative, which aims to help separating parents through this difficult time with advice and information on how to talk to children about divorce or separation. Help is available online at www.resolution.org.uk/parentingafterparting

NAVIGATIONAL HAZARD

2009-05-20T18:37:00.002+01:00

It was reported today that the sat-nav system could break down within the next year. I hazard to guess that, if it does, numerous marriages will follow. Outdoor Man and I get along famously until he wants directions in the car. He accuses me of being unable to read a map; I accuse him of not knowing his right from his left; he ignores my instructions then asks me to point; I hit his nose when doing so. Sounds familiar?

Certainly there are countless couples who will say that the lady hidden in the computer on the dashboard has saved their marriage. Even Outdoor Man never gets upset when she insists he makes U-turns that he has no intention of executing. Moreover, when she gets really irritated with him, he just turns her off; you can’t do that so easily with your wife!

GUILTY OF FRAUD

2009-05-16T17:09:00.003+01:00

The first step in seeking to negotiate a financial and property settlement as a result of the breakdown in a marriage or civil partnership is to make a full and frank disclosure of means. Generally, whether matters are resolved by consent, mediation, or court order, a prescribed questionnaire known as Form E is used. One section of the form deals with “income needs,” where all current and future expenditure should be listed. In many cases, however, this can degenerate very much into an impossible wish list.

There was an occasion, once upon a time, when such a form completed by a client’s spouse was served on me. Annual income needs included:
£2,200 to clean moat around castle
£16,000 for mortgage interest payments on a mortgage that had been redeemed before separation
£0.59 for a chocolate Santa Claus
£304 to maintain a swimming pool
£25,000 for security patrols
£1400 for chauffeur
£600 for hanging baskets
£312 for mock Tudor boards for house exterior
£2.22 for nappies (for an adult?)
£126,648 for expenses in respect of a new partner’s flat
£0.05 for a carrier bag
£115 plus VAT for 25 light bulbs
£112.52 to refit toilet seat
£1.50 for Ikea napkins
£2,499 for a TV set
£40 for a court summons for non-payment of Council Tax
£0.38 for one Muller crunch yoghurt
£6 for dust bags for vacuum cleaner

“Delusional,” my client explained. “He thinks he’s a Member of Parliament.”

“Whoever commits a fraud is guilty not only of the particular injury to him who he deceives, but of the diminution of that confidence which constitutes not only the ease but the existence of society.” Samuel Johnson

JUNGLE BEAT

2009-05-14T22:08:00.004+01:00

So Katie Price, aka Jordan, and her husband, Peter Andre have separated. The couple met on a reality TV show in the jungle, under the glare of both cameras and Ant and Dec. Hardly an auspicious start to a relationship you might think. However it is only after several years, a wedding, two children and a few million in the bank that the couple have decided to call it a day. Or, as the press reports seem to indicate, that Peter has called time citing his wife’s behaviour and she has fled taking the children with her.

What everyone really wants to know, however, is whether, when Katie left, she uttered the immortal words: “I’m a celebrity, get me out of here…”

EASY DOES IT

2009-05-11T21:50:00.002+01:00

easyJet Boeing 737 (G-EZYI) taking off from Bristol Airport (England).Photographed by Adrian Pingstone in September 2003 and released to the public domain

Last week Easy Jet announced that it is looking to organise weddings in the sky. It did little to appease those of the mind that marriage is too easy and divorce difficult. Imagine how things might be if Easy Jet responds to the criticism with details of divorce flights:

This is the pre-boarding announcement for the flight to Decree Absolute. We are now inviting those passengers with children (whose interests are, of course, paramount), and any passengers requiring special assistance such as public funding, to begin boarding at this time. Please have your marriage certificate and identification for money laundering checks ready. Regular boarding will begin in approximately ten minutes time. Thank you.

Welcome aboard this is your Cabin Steward speaking. Please fasten your seatbelts and secure all personal chattels, ready for exchange with or return to your spouse, in the overhead compartments or underneath the seat in front of you. Please direct your attention to the monitors above as we review the divorce procedure. There are six emergency exits on this aircraft. Take a moment to locate the exit closest to you. In the event of reconciliation, stay calm and listen for instructions from the cabin crew. Divorce decrees will drop down from above your seat. In the unlikely event of an emergency order and eviction, leave your carry-on items behind. While we wait for take off, please take a moment to review the draft petition in the seat pocket in front of you.

Good afternoon passengers. This is your captain speaking. First I'd like to welcome everyone on our Divorce Flight today. We are currently cruising at an altitude of 33,000 feet and will shortly be passing over territory where pre-nuptial agreements are recognised. Would passengers in possession of such please make themselves known to the cabin staff. The weather looks good and with a tailwind on our side we are expecting to land approximately ten minutes ahead of schedule. The cabin crew will be coming around in fifteen minutes time to offer you a light snack, and the in-flight film, which today is Kramer vs Kramer, will begin shortly after that. I'll talk to you again before your divorce is finalised. Until then, sit back, relax and enjoy the rest of the flight.

Oh dear, if the idea takes off, I’ll have to retrain as an airline pilot.

ALMOST POETRY

2009-05-06T22:13:00.007+01:00

Flag of Italy image courtesy of 4 International Flags

Heard it on the radio:

Silvio and Ms Lario

are seeking a divorzio.

MENAGE A TROIS

2009-05-05T21:41:00.010+01:00

Conscious that Prince Charles has just posted a video to YouTube with a frog in a starring role, I thought that I would go one better and upload this video. Local wildlife has been behaving in impulsive ways recently. I have toads burrowing in my compost bin; a cow in the field beyond my kitchen that keeps racing pheasants; a Mad March hare that tears round the same field albeit 2 months late; a deer that jumped out of a ditch into the path of my car yesterday and a hedgehog nesting in my front border. However if one ever needed a reminder as to how ugly life can get should you try to introduce a third party into a relationship just look at this video, taken outside our front gate by Apprentice Man.