Black Bile Box

Think of everything we've accomplished

2009-01-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

It's 2009. Let yourselves cry.

Don't forget my lunch

2008-02-05T17:04:00.000-08:00

A new study is reporting that women become more forgetful during pregnancy, a condition called 'baby brain'. This study is wrong. A woman's memory isn't impaired because she is pregnant, but because she is a woman.

A German exchange

2007-09-16T19:16:00.000-07:00

The other day I hit up a sexy German exchange student. She spoke for a while while I pretended to listen. I must have nodded at the appropriate places as she said she felt some sort of "connection" between us. There's only one connection I'm interested in feeling, I'll be taking the deep and leaving the meaningful at home.

Do It

2007-09-04T19:46:00.000-07:00

Jasper says you have to start watching Californication on Channel 10, Mondays. You'd better do what he says.

The son I never had

2007-09-01T19:06:00.000-07:00

The little things

2007-08-27T18:09:00.000-07:00

I like subscribing to mailing lists using rude or obnoxious titles. That way when I start receiving their shitty image-laden mail with the chirpy opening "Hello Dickface!" I get to write a long winded diatribe complaining of their abuse of customers, blaming the renaming on some disgruntled employee.

Saturday afternoon with Methusael

2007-08-25T01:50:00.000-07:00

<Jasper> There is a fitch in the office across from mine, she is blond with big knockers.
<Jasper> Naturally I love her for her intellect. And the fact that she may sleep with me
<Methusael> Naturally.
<Methusael> Take some covert photography of her, I will help you find an angle.
<Jasper> I normally like to go in perpendicular, if you understand my meaning.
<Methusael> EXPLAIN IT TO ME.
<Jasper> Well you see, if you attempt entry at too shallow an angle to her personality, you run the risk of total internal reflection, where she will deflect your meagre approach.
<Jasper> Most people try to optimise entry by an angle of incidence 45deg to the perpendicular, a mix of idle chatter and deeper psychological exchange.
<Jasper> I on the other hand prefer the 90deg level of entry. I start baring humiliating personal deficits in my character, along with intimate personal details about herself, revealing that I've been monitoring her closely for weeks.
<Jasper> I find this approach typically penetrates a girl's psyche, leaving her speechless, at which point courting can commence

2007-08-24T20:10:00.000-07:00

I LIKE BEETROOT

Conversations with Methusael

2007-08-20T02:06:00.001-07:00

<Jasper> I plan to go to the doctor tomorrow
<Methusael> Why's that? You unwell?
<Jasper> I've been coughing quite a bit since i got back from overseas, phlegmy.
<Methusael> Tubercolosis, my friend.
<Jasper> I'm sure it's late-stage
<Jasper> So I wiki'd it
<Methusael> Wikipedia ... for all your medical diagnosis needs.
<Jasper> Yeah, if only I had a panicy news report to back up my worries
<Jasper> Maybe I should go and engage in sexual intercourse with men
<Jasper> and monkeys
<Jasper> try and pick up syphilis and mutant aids
<Jasper> and top it off with raw chicken from Asia for a case of bird flu
<Jasper> then have sex with every woman in my city
<Methusael> It would almost be worth it.
<Methusael> Just for the stirring yarns you could tell your kids.
<Methusael> And I'm assuming you could father QUITE A FEW.
<Methusael> You'd be dead before they could understand your stories, but that hardly matters.
<Jasper> I'd write them all letters
<Jasper> to be delivered at some exact moment in the future
<Jasper> at some exact place
<Jasper> with their exact name
<Jasper> and sign it from Doc.

Cermaic Joys

2007-07-31T05:48:00.000-07:00

"Naturale toilet tissue is manufactured from clean office waste paper, giving uncompromising softness and strength". Sometimes I sit and wonder how many shattered hopes and dreams are contained within the recycled memos I wipe across my arse. I'd like to think a lot.

My kind of man

2007-07-31T04:41:00.000-07:00

I find the sexual stamina of today's generation to be extremely lacking. Today's feminised man is only interested in monogamous trysts; ménage à trois and swinger parties have become a thing of the past. It is a sad day when men must get their instruction on sexual prowess from the animal kingdom, a beast of God.

"A guinea pig called Sooty enjoyed a night of passion with 24 females after fooling his way into their cage in south Wales." Sooty sired 42 offspring in just 2 nights. When the keepers found him "he was absolutely shattered - we put him back in his cage and he slept for two days". Most men can't even handle one woman these days. Aristocratic procreation would be so much easier if nations would adopt my idea of easy-access rape camps. If only, Russia.

On a side note, I find the human condition of affection towards all things cute and fluffy to be vacuous and a sign of weakness. All such fluffy pets should be exterminated, preferably by gassing. This technique has worked well for past vermin - nigglets, Charlie, and kikes.

Every man and his dog

2007-07-20T04:03:00.000-07:00

There are too many blogs on the Internet, the government should delete half of them.

Wireless Pants

2007-04-02T01:18:00.000-07:00

That chick on the Nintendo DS Animal Crossing commercial is smoking hot. I'd sure love to pose as a 16 year old girl in her chat room.

Incontinence

2007-03-29T18:47:00.000-07:00

Female obedience is just a kidney-punch away.

A man's man

2007-03-25T19:03:00.000-07:00

Sean Connery telling it like it is on a man's moral obligation to slap a woman - "I think it's absolutely right". It's good to see that the PC faggots haven't completely taken over Hollywood.

Rant to Methusael

2007-01-11T22:32:00.000-08:00

In a parallel universe somewhere, debugging is better than sex.
I wish I lived there.

Word of the day

2007-01-02T00:41:00.000-08:00

Niggard
- noun
A mean, stingy or parsimonious person.

Usage
Fuck I hate niggers!

Back from the dead ... briefly

2006-12-13T05:24:00.000-08:00

Kryz's words of love have re-energised me temporarily to share with you this beautiful cinematic moment.

Leave of absence

2006-12-07T18:00:00.000-08:00

For those few diligent readers who keep coming back to Black Bile Box even though I've ceased posting: fuck off. Restless fingers should be put to use somewhere warm and moist, not on pointless mouse clicking. I'm taking a temporary leave of absence until the early/middle part of next year, work is taking too much of my mental space, leaving nothing for BBB.

Gamer's Dilemma

2006-11-19T22:39:00.000-08:00

Is it wrong to gain an erection while unloading a clip from a silenced semi-automatic handgun into the back and head of the virtual girl you're supposed to be wooing?

HowieJ, pimpin' my comz up in yo bitches

2006-11-06T04:12:00.000-08:00

Person 1) Hey darling, you've heard of T3 right?
Person 2) Isn't it that bonfire ritual where people throw their money into a flaming pyre en masse?
Person 1) No, that's T2.

Superior DeoxyriboNucleic Acid

2006-11-06T01:52:00.000-08:00

The BBC has a wonderful clip of Aryan reunion. These super children were the hope of our Great Nation, and the salvation of the human race. Unfortunately, the war was over before the fruits of our breeding programs could be deployed on the battlefield. Had these children achieved maturity in time, their superiority on the battlefield would have been assured, causing the Allies to recognise the greatness of our plan and succumb to our ideology. It is a tragedy of the highest order that society operates without similar laws and divisions; this intermingling and impurity is the source of modern degeneracy and corruption.

Years later, as discussed in the BBC clip, the psyche of these holy children has been manipulated by the victors. While their shame is treasonous, sadly, it is to be expected lest they too be tried in mock courts. I long for the day when we will rise again, and be victorious in our struggle.

Ejaculatory Dreams

2006-11-05T03:24:00.000-08:00

I support the development of this type of weapon. I for one am willing to submit myself to assist in the construction of these vital new tools in the fight against female terror.

Afternoon wood

2006-11-02T22:35:00.000-08:00

This afternoon I happened to flip on Channel 10 while making myself an afternoon snack. I was greeted with a pleasant surprise: a bunch of hot, early-20's chicks wearing tight, cleavage-revealing tank tops. Now, never mind the show's occult storyline, obviously a ploy by the liberal media to diminish the last vestiges of organised religion, afternoon television has finally delivered what men everywhere wanted: scantily-clad young female eye-candy, delivered with a barely adequate storyline so as not to distract from the hotness, yet sufficient to draw attention away from the presence of our hands wrapped around our throbbing cocks.

Urban vagina

2006-10-31T19:12:00.000-08:00

While we're on the subject of bitches:

8. Bipolar

a common side effect of having a vagina.

she has some awful mood swings, its like she is bipolar.