Those who can...

Bricks and mortar

2007-07-10T20:50:00.000+01:00

One thing I'd like to get sorted over the summer is some of
the exterior brickwork. The mortar joints are in a bit of
a mess and the best solution is probably to repoint.
Another option is some form of render; this is something
only 5-10% of houses in the area have, but something to
research anyway.
Had one of these reps round (you know the sort - cheap
aftershave, fake tan, lots of gold); it cost me two and a
bit hours of my life and I can't get that time back!
After hearing the thorough spiel he drew a figure in large
numbers, showed it to me and asked my thoughts.
8.8k, just for the front of the house(!)
I responded. The price was reduced by 25%.
My next response was even shorter and 'direct'.
Then another price was quoted if I signed today at that
very moment. The worrying thing is these tactics must
work on some people! I'd never heard of this company or
seen their work first hand and was given the opportunity
and privilege of signing up on the spot to some
ridiculous 30quid a week for the next ten years repayment option.
Anyway at this point I was stood up and the front door was opened.
He got the hint.

Before and After (3)

2007-07-04T17:15:00.000+01:00

Here are a few 'before' and 'during' photos of the lounge improvement project. Six months of fun and surprises! Hope to post some better after pics soon now the furniture's in.

Top Trumps

2007-06-25T17:36:00.000+01:00

Last week I tried to hide in my classroom, oh how I tried, but my ever-so-helpful colleagues whilst pretending to be busy (they were banging the keyboards randomly) told the cover manager exactly where I was! Result: one more cover lesson! I thought English was boring, French was alright but this was the worst lesson I've had to give yet - Sex Ed!!
I had another surprise this week, this time from a sixth form class. They had spent the lesson scribbling down notes on reciprocal trigonometric functions. Or so I thought. A few of the more enterprising had created a deck of Top Trumps cards. You know the sort, different characters with different attributes. This deck was based on the class...and not just the students. After confiscating them it seems I rated top in fields including 'Looks' and 'Maths Power' but scored low marks in 'Grumpiness' and 'Sobriety'.

Where there's smoke...

2007-06-14T16:57:00.000+01:00

I can't help but think previously mentioned university student who has been shadowing me this week has an inaccurate picture of life in the public sector. A few classes of mine are on study leave and as a result I was teaching a whopping one hour today. I did spend a fair bit of time in the staffroom with some colleagues discussing how best to cut vanilla cake and make fire using only natural means but I can only assure him that there are 'targets' and 'stress' in the public sector just like the lean efficient private sector. Right Anton? Back me up!

British P Power

2007-06-02T17:05:00.000+01:00

Ventured a bit further than Stockport for a night out and made a few interesting observations:
1) I'm not sure if people are getting friendlier or I just attract the more bizarre elements in pubs. I went to the bar and when I got back there was some stoned Welshman adamant on getting my friend to clap in a flamenco style. I wanted to find out how he lived his life (I know I shouldn't have) and when he had finished his clapping lesson revealed he was a train driver. That explains a lot.
2) I got ID'd, which I take as a compliment as well as a minor irritation. It's also really handy when you've got your driver's licence to hand unless of course the useless twonks at the DVLA have MISLAID YOUR LICENCE AGAIN.
3) Toilet attendants in the gents?! They seem to be cropping up more and more. Funnily enough I don't go to the gents solely to get aftershave or moisturise, so I just to try and avoid them.

The Battle of the Buff

2007-05-20T14:10:00.001+01:00

I have recently discovered that there will be a 'Battle of the Buff 2007' in Spain. Pete has set up the tournament and entered me into it along with him...there are no other entrants at the moment. The winner will apparantly be chosen by the ladies of the travelling group and the victor will enjoy holding the title 'the buffest bloke 2007'. Also, it seems the winner will not need to apply suncream himself for the duration of the trip, this will be 'graciously accpeted' by the ladies in the group.

The Apprentice

2007-05-17T17:31:00.000+01:00

No cover today but still some extra work, or more positively a promotion! Yes I now have something in common with Alan Sugar, namely potentially taking charge of mentoring would be apprentices (but in the field of teaching maths rather than buying and selling). Nice one.
By the way, can anyone else see a vague future resemblance between Anton and Nick Hewer?

Cover me

2007-05-16T17:39:00.000+01:00

The upper school may be on study leave but this makes me a prime candidate on these additional lessons I would have had free for covering others. Today I got the dreaded tap on the shoulder and told it was an English Lit lesson. Bugger. The aim was to discuss how this poem shows the differences in society. What?!

Pure magnetism

2007-05-05T14:39:00.000+01:00

It's last lesson Friday so it must be Maths with a bottom set of 13-14 year olds. One of them was particularly late and there are a wide variety of lame excuses, but this one was a first.
'Why are you late?'
'I was in Science'
'And?'
'And we were doing about magnetism'
'And?'
'I brought a magnet away with me'
Now this was a fairly substantial magnet he produced from his pocket, it was maybe 5cm x 3cm x 2cm. This still didn't fully explained why he was late and still looked flustered.
So another 'And?' was needed.
'And?'
'And my friend has just had braces fitted to her teeth'
'Please tell me you didn't...'
'I'm sorry sir'
So in a quest of scientific discovery this pupil had stuck a huge magnet to a girl's braces. He had then spent the time inbetween lessons trying to prise it off. The girl had apparantly been a bit uncomfortable during this process as it was a strong magnet and she could feel her teeth being pulled along with the attempts to remove the magnet. Ouch!

Before and after (2)

2007-04-29T12:18:00.000+01:00

For the second consecutive Saturday in a fortnight I sacrificed a night out in Manchester with the chaps to further progress of the next room in the decorating project. I started at 9.30 and finished almost exactly 12 hours later - result: the entire room is prepped and papered and will be painted over the next couple of evenings. This hopefully puts me in a position to get laminate flooring in next weekend and begin a selective policy of who can come in through the front door into this terrific room (take note Russ) and who has to again access through the back passage, so to speak. I hope to have some photos showing the progression through the last four months of this project-nudge, nudge Anton!

Magic Beans

2007-04-10T12:34:00.000+01:00

I got back from a trip to the Czech Rep last night and was pretty impressed by it all. Although I am not particularly keen on Prague, which is already a tourist trap at this time of year, once you get out into the rest of the country you see provincial towns that rival some of the many places I've visited (and remember I've been to Zimbabwe and Bosnia so we're talking 'creme de la creme'). The Czechs have managed to keep the historic centres in Tabor, Cesky Krumlov and Cesky Budeowice looking original and I'm thankful the package holidays haven't started venturing too much out of Prague (yet!). The beer and food was outstanding and I bought some beans that may or may not be magic. I intend to plant them in the back garden for the summer.

A day in the life of T

2007-03-28T20:44:00.000+01:00

This week has been a particularly obscure one:
Form - uneventful probably because only 2 out of 14 of them decided to show on time.
Year 12 - attempted to teach trigonometric functions to a class containing a leper. (later it transpired he was quite visibly part way through a bout of chicken pox)
Year 11 - typically laid back and unconcerned about their forthcoming exams - so much so that senior members of staff are carrying out a 'Classwatch' system - more like Crimewatch...
Year 10 - stopped by a pupil and told that he hates me. In the words of Phil: 'Fair enough'. You can't get on with everyone. He feels the reaction he receives from me is not sufficient so backs it up with ‘faggot’.
Year 9 - observe one pupil break off from their work to snort a line of some substance. The substance is confiscated and turns out to be paprika.
Year 7 - After being given a detention, a pupil feels it would please me to see how my teaching has contributed to his numeracy skills by counting to 1 using the necessary number of digits from the middle of his fist, this was delivered with a pleasant smile, a nice touch.
Form - On my way to form I pass a pupil (supposedly in my form) going in the opposite direction. When asked (in a non aggressive manner) to get to form I suffer a Vicky Pollard routine of
a) being ignored
b) 'Alright!'
c) 'I don't care'

The need for 'Stout' character

2007-03-18T13:46:00.000Z

One of my pupils found my myspace site I'd created just to start subscribing to other people's blogs. Without a second thought I accepted his request to be added as a friend and now my inbox is deluged by what must be close to 20 pupils - the thing is I don't even teach a few of them. Perhaps the cult of Mr T is the next big thing.
At home I spent yesterday happily chipping away old plaster, only to discover a botch job lurking behind it. It actually feels like things are going backward everytime I try and get a task completed. I also got to see the local football club squander a three nil lead to end the match with a draw. A pretty frustrating day all in all.
I'm also planning to try brewing a stout over the next couple of weeks - if you have a few empty brown bottles spare for when it comes to bottling, it would come in handy!

The world in red

2007-03-15T08:10:00.000Z

Gone are the days when a good proportion of the world map was shaded red showing British influence, but in the footsteps of John I have created a world map showing countries I have visited. Approximately 50 in total, I'm sure Anton will point out any porkies!

Housewarming

2007-03-11T20:31:00.000Z

Someone was spraying a jet wash over my car this morning and at my lounge floor window. It wasn't particulalry early this happened but I'd had a late night previously and hadn't the motivation to get up to see what was happening.
What had actually happened was my neighbours were washing their cars and ran the hose over mine to concentrate all the dirt and grime towards the bottom...a blatant attempt to shame me into washing my car. They'd given one house window a quick rinse too and were tempted to aim a jet through the bedroom window to wake me up.

Why would the neighbours want to do this? Well Anton and my return from Mini and Charlotte's 'housewarming' at 3am was likened to that of 'a herd of elephants'. Anyway the home brew met with some acclaim on it's inaugral night and a four hour session of Ring of Fire must be close to a Ranger's record. Good work M and C!!

Ways to spend a weekend

2007-03-08T17:38:00.000Z

I know some people might question or possibly respect my continued dedication to the home improvements, but 'Marple' Phil's allocation of his spare time in contrast is bonkers,incredible or both. He's written a little report describing it...you may have to scroll down a bit

Hot air

2007-03-04T19:33:00.000Z

Got a text whilst out in Manchester last night telling me that the world was ending and to go and look at the moon. I left my beer and the pub for a look but overcast conditions meant I didn't get to see the lunar eclipse until later. Incredible stuff...cheers Russ! (for the text that is, not rearranging planetary orbits)
Now down to progress on the house - finally got to use my Christmas present, a hot air gun, from Ian & Rog. This is a handy gadget for removing old paint, saves hours and sandpaper. Thought I'd share a quote from instruction manual: "Do not use this product as a hair dryer"

Handyman

2007-03-01T16:40:00.000Z

Yesterday was pay day and B&Q's over 60's day. My Dad kindly obliged and helped me get an extra 10% off all the bits and pieces for a tidy fireplace and surround - it was worthwhile as the bill with discounts was around 400 quid. A potential nice little earner is my fellow colleagues - they have the impression I'm now a competent professional and are offering me a bit of money to do some work on their places.
The lounge is on the way to becoming habitable - hit a tiny snag when taking up the old lamintae flooring though. It seems the previous occupants dog had relieved itself on the floor and this had seeped into the membrane beneath. Result: me running for the front door gagging for air while my neighbour - immune seemingly as he's a dog owner - took the mick for the next two days. It's worth taking the abuse and demeaning comments however as they had a spray that neutralised the smell totally - a good job as Anton moved in that evening. Current attempt's to get next doors dog, Jake, to be friendly towards Anton aren't working - any ideas....anyone??

19 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

2007-02-22T17:07:00.000Z

1. At Lunch Time, Sit in Your Parked Car with Sunglasses on and point
a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down.

2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice.

3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want
Fries with that.

4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it "In".

5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks. Once Everyone has
Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso.

6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write " For Smuggling
Diamonds".

7. Finish All Your sentences with "In Accordance With The Prophecy".

8. Don't use any punctuation.

9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk.

10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.

11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is "To Go".

12. Sing Along At The Opera.

13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme?

14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area And Play tropical sounds All Day.

15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In The Mood.

16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom.

17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream "I Won! I Won!"

18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling "Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!"

19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, "Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go."

Before and after

2007-02-16T15:57:00.000Z

Finally got some photo evidence of some of what
I've been doing on the house over the past few
months. This is the spare bedroom, hopefully you can guess which is the before and after! (Hint: the brewing equipment may give it away!)

Mr T's Brewery Tour

2007-02-11T10:55:00.000Z

Walk around nearly 0.003 years of brewing excellence, take a step into tradition with one of our experienced tour guides. After a short but non-informative introduction held on the pavement, they will accompany you round the Brewery. The definition of such terms as "mashing", "wort" and "rousing" will not be explained properly to you. Your tour will conclude with the opportunity to sample some budget supermarket beers within the comfort of the kitchen where you will be able to purchase mementos of your visit.
There will be a non refundable charge of £0.24.

A pint, anyone?

2007-02-02T17:08:00.000Z

About 8 years ago I made my first attempt at brewing beer. 'T's Special Reserve' met with some success, though is remembered more for it's strength than taste. Now that I have a basement and risk no complaints from family about the smell, (I prefer the term 'aroma'), I'm planning on giving it another bash. This time, however, I intend to spend more money on equipment and ingredients than I did during my college days and also produce a larger quantity. The first batch (approx 40 pints) will be bottled in 500ml glass bottles with a specially desgined label (thanks Matt!).
To this end I am fielding the questions:
'Any volunteers/victims for tasting the first batch?'
'Any suggestions for name's?' ('Teacher's Pet' and 'Behaviour for Learning have already been suggested)

I teach kids, therefore I drink.

2007-01-31T17:29:00.000Z

Some interesting pupils around at school.
Exhibit A
I could hear the sound of something repeatedly bashing against metal earlier this week. A colleague came in, explained there was a pupil repeatedly headbutting a locker and asked 'What do I do about this?'. Senior management were quite happy that we 'leave him to it'. He was encouraged to find something more wholesome to do and since has been seen wandering around school with a huge red welt on his forehead.
Exhibit B
There was a fictional pupil last year. Although the set lists were checked to make sure this name wasn't wasn't some obscure form of child cruelty: Mike Oxbig.

Goal of the decade

2007-01-29T19:20:00.000Z

British Teacher Arrested

2007-01-21T20:43:00.000Z

A school teacher from Manchester was arrested today at John F.Kennedy International Airport, he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Alberto Gonzalez said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction. "Al-gebra is a problem for us," Gonzalez said. "They desire solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, 'There are 3 sides to every triangle.' 'When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the president.