Unexplodedscotsman.com

Celebrity Fame Zeppelin!

2009-07-10T13:23:00.000-06:00

My pick for the next Republican Presidential nominee

2009-07-08T13:36:00.005-06:00

Don't worry about the gun. I'm fairly certain she's impervious to head trauma.

God

2009-05-28T12:38:00.001-06:00

Can someone explain to me why an omnipotent being powerful enough to create everything in the known universe, would chose flaming topiary and pedophiles as a communications medium? Why not run some radio spots or rent some satellite time, I'm sure they'd give the guy a discount.

Bill Burr at Montréal 2007

2009-04-29T14:04:00.004-06:00

Nice to know I'm not the only one with this kind of stuff running though the back of my mind. He's bang on with the bit about trying to explain why you're suddenly laughing for no apparent reason.

The Surprisingly Complete Adventures of Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

2009-04-28T14:32:00.005-06:00

The Stafford version of an ice cream cone

2009-04-28T13:24:00.005-06:00

My dog, Angus, crashed out on the old futon doing what he does best

Dick the dog trainer

2009-04-28T00:38:00.004-06:00

Calgary's Homeless

2009-01-29T14:30:00.002-07:00

I used to think of the homeless as gin-soaked adventurers: colorful vagabonds, embarked on the mother-of-all camping trips; mischievous scamps liberated from responsibility and absolved from all expectation.

And then I moved downtown.

And someone puked on my shoes.

And his friend tried to mug me.

Now I just want them dead.

Ok, that might be a little harsh. I’m a reasonable man. Tell you what, I’ll meet you halfway and settle for relocated.

Not that I’m volunteering to be the one working the trapline, but somehow I don’t think it’ll be too tough; many of them appear to already be tranquilized, so trapping them should be a walk in the park, so to speak…

Don't get me wrong, I'm sure many of Calgary's homeless are fine people, first-rate citizens of the highest order. After all, as an institution, homelessness doesn’t have much in the way of admissions requirements: a job lost at the wrong time, a few missed mortgage payments and a new found fondness for crack cocaine, and you’re in!

Maybe it’s not even your fault, maybe mom was a kickboxing rodeo clown with taste for crystal meth and tequila, who worked till her third trimester; or the other thing your father ever gave you was an extra chromosome.

Hell, maybe you worked hard, applied yourself, made it all the way through bartending school, woke up the day after graduation and said, “Fuck it, I’m gonna work from home.”

Or maybe you’re just crazy.

Whatever the reason, they scare me. One homeless man is a tragedy. A thousand of them, the makings of a George Romero film (see Dawn of the Dead).

Playmobil Security Check Point

2009-01-22T11:12:00.003-07:00

What's next, the Namcom-Nerf Waterboard action set?
Make sure you read the customer reviews, some of them are great!

http://tinyurl.com/bez2vc

Gaza: Residents waving white flags 'shot dead as they flee their homes'

2009-01-15T10:51:00.000-07:00

Hmm..take away their land; cut off the food and water; bomb their schools, hospitals and mosques; shoot their children and gun down their spouses: I wonder what drives them to become suicide bombers?

I say we give both sides 48 hours to come to a peaceful and equitable solution—if not, we nuke them both and move on the next issue. Think of it as overly enthusiastic gunboat diplomacy. Making the world a better place, one way or another…

Angus at 6 months

2008-03-24T10:41:00.003-06:00

The response: I'm fucking Ben Affleck

2008-03-04T12:14:00.001-07:00

Sarah Silverman is fucking Matt Damon

2008-02-26T16:03:00.001-07:00

Can't...stop...chewing!

2007-12-29T13:36:00.002-07:00

Finishing out the year with a teething Angus (our 12 week old staffy puppy)

Great seats. Good show

2007-10-31T15:25:00.002-06:00

Good article re: Stephen Colbert

2006-10-09T18:13:00.000-06:00

2006-09-26T18:08:00.000-06:00

A duck I met in Stanley Park

2006-09-22T15:10:00.000-06:00

From the would make a good t-shirt file

2006-05-16T12:38:00.000-06:00

"I'd have more empathy for me, if I were you"

Burning down the house

2005-02-06T16:37:00.001-07:00

Looks like they're having a very realistic fire drill over at Mount Royal College.

2005-02-06T16:35:00.000-07:00

2005-02-06T16:31:00.000-07:00

2005-02-06T16:30:00.000-07:00

Asian Tattoo Artist Inks Revenge Behind Bars

2005-02-01T16:37:00.001-07:00

“I wanted a stack of skulls on my back,” said murderer Jimmy Drake, “and that Asian prick gave me a giant Winnie the Pooh!”

Wow, a tattoo artist with a sense of humor and a death wish!

US druggists refuse to give out birth control because of "moral values"

2004-11-10T13:08:00.000-07:00

This is classic.

"I'm sorry sir, but I refuse to fill this prescription as I believe God wanted you to have tuberculosis."