Comandante Monkey

Graduation!

2008-05-04T15:09:00.003Z

My fellow monkeys.

Having successfully achieved the grade of Distinct Distinction in my Bachelor of Cheek degree, I have recently attended my graduation ceremony. I thought it would be inspiring for you to see the achievements of a simple floppy monkey after a period of hard study.

Remember, the revolution will need educated monkeys to run the simian society of tomorrow. Monkeys, get that education!

Comandante Monkey, BC (Hons)

Monkey Award!

2008-04-25T16:44:00.002Z

My fellow monkeys, I am pleased to announce that Monkey World has won an award!

I can't think of a human founded organisation more deserving.

Full details from the Bournemouth Echo.

MONKEY World, the Wool primate rescue centre, has been honoured for its "selfless liberating and caring for our animal friends".

The unique Shining World Compassionate Award, from the Supreme Master Ching Hai International Association, was presented to Monkey World director Dr Alison Cronin on Thursday.

A cheque for $5,000 accompanied the plaque, which was presented by association representative Ruth Stannard.

Dr Cronin said: "It is just a fantastic award, one that recognises acts of kindness towards the animal kingdom, which at Monkey World we feel is really important.

"I am honoured and pleased, especially as this award is given for acts of kindness, which is something we need more of in the world."

New Monkey!

2008-04-04T18:14:00.003Z

A new monkey has arrived! He is currently taking part in a training course before departing for his new home, where he will entertain and educate humans in the Way of the Monkey.

We wish him every success in his future life.

Revolutionary Funding

2008-03-10T17:04:00.003Z

Comrade Monkeys.

Come the revolution, we will have access to the economic resources of the entire planet.

Until that glorious day arrives, we will have to raise revolutionary funds using our own means.

My simian friends, I have recently acquired a large monetary resource. I am currently in negotiation with an expert team of lawyers and financial advisers, with a view to setting up an investment program to manage the money wisely for our generation and monkeys to come.

In the meantime, please enjoy this image of your leader with this splendid resource.

Hasta la Banana!

Stationery Monkey

2008-02-20T18:08:00.004Z

My fellow monkeys.

In drawing up our revolutionary plans, we often have need of large quantities of stationery supplies, and we want them available at a moment's notice. You never know when the time to strike will come!

Allow me to introduce Pencil Case Monkey. P.C. Monkey has been fully trained to store all manner of pencils, pens and short rulers (and we'll have some of them after the revolution!). His long slender body has been specially adapted for the job, and he'll be a very handy chap to have around in meetings.

We wish Pencil Case Monkey every success in his career.

Electromagnetic Protection

2008-01-18T21:54:00.000Z

My fellow monkeys!

Those who oppose our simian revolution may attempt to infiltrate our minds with their propaganda.

To protect from such threats, I have developed a convenient - yet fashionable - brain shield.

I urge all monkeys and apes to adorn similar headgear when out on patrol!

Hasta la Banana!

Jim Cronin

2007-03-20T16:52:00.000Z

Jim Cronin, a true friend of the monkeys, has died.

From the Monkey World site:

JIM CRONIN

Jim Cronin died on March 17, 2007 at Cabrini Medical Center in Manhattan. Born and raised in Yonkers, NY, he has been a resident of Great Britain for more than two decades where he and his wife Alison have operated the internationally renowned ape rescue center, Monkey World, which works with governments around the world to halt the illegal smuggling of apes out of Africa and Asia. Jim was educated at St. Denis School and Lincoln High School in Yonkers.

During the past 20 years, Jim established himself as an international expert in the rescue and rehabilitation of abused primates, and the enforcement of international treaties aimed at protecting primates from illegal trade and experimentation. Jim founded Monkey World which he and Alison built from a small refuge to a 65 acre wildlife park that is home to more than 160 rescued primates of 16 different species and is rated as one of the most popular family destinations in England. Last year Jim was awarded the honor of Member of the British Empire (MBE) by Queen Elizabeth II for Services to Animal Welfare. The cable television channel Animal Planet has documented their frequent rescue missions and undercover investigations throughout Europe and Asia for the past 10 years in the series Monkey Business and will be airing new programs in the USA in the fall.

Jim had a passion for life and the conservation of wildlife that was an inspiration to all who knew him. His enthusiasm was infectious and he will be missed by all whose lives he touched. Jim’s legacy will continue under the guidance of his devoted wife, Dr Alison Cronin. Monkey World and the numerous projects Jim and Alison set up around the world will continue as a fitting memorial to a man whose life touched so many around the world.

Monkey World have set up a fund in memory of Jim to continue his legacy and all donations should be made payable to the Jim Cronin Memorial Fund and sent to Monkey World - Ape Rescue Centre, Wareham, Dorset BH20 6HH.

We thank everyone for their continuing support.

I encourage all monkeys and their human friends to support the fund.

Jim, who brought life and joy to so many monkeys and apes, will be sadly missed.

Book Monkey Nominated for Award

2007-03-13T07:38:00.000Z

Great news about our comrade Book Monkey. His shop has been shortlisted for an award. See this article for details.

Tea Monkey

2007-02-13T13:42:00.000Z

Some great Monkey merchandise is available from the PG Tips shop.

There's even a revolutionary T-Shirt:

Ah, definitely a monkey after my own heart.

House of the Orange Monkey

2007-02-07T22:39:00.000Z

My fellow monkeys, one of our very handsome colleagues (well, he is an orange monkey!) has an excellent website that you will find touching, entertaining and educational.

Please visit him at The House of the Orange Monkey.

His journey has been a fascinating one, and I urge all monkeys to heed his tale.

Ape diet

2007-01-11T15:37:00.000Z

Humans are at last catching on to the benefits of a banana diet, according to this BBC News article.

It's a shame they don't yet understand that the banana percentage should be much higher.

Still, it is progress.

Visiting Monkey

2006-10-09T17:40:00.000Z

Today I had a visit from Safari Monkey. He is about to start a long term project educating young humans in the Way of the Monkey. We wish him every success in his task!

Jeremy's Bike Ride

2006-09-12T07:39:00.000Z

Lovely Jeremy Keeling from Monkey World (a true friend of the monkeys) will be celebrating his 50th birthday by riding his bike round England. (See this article for details.)

He will be raising money for Julia's House, a hospice for little humans in Dorset.

You can sponsor him by calling 01202 640402.

Military Equipment for Monkeys

2006-09-04T15:45:00.000Z

When we are out on maneuvers, it is very important that we carry the correct military equipment with us.

For example, an overnight operation could involve camping out, which can be very chilly.

But if you are equipped with a good sleeping bag, the problem is solved. Our larger brethren (such as chimps, orangs, and some gorillas) may be able to requisition standard human sleeping bags. With minor modifications, they will suit us fine.

Smaller monkeys (such as your comandante) will require bespoke items. If you have some friendly humans on whom you can rely, perhaps you might engage them in the cause by getting them to make a sleeping bag to your requirements. In this photograph I am modelling one made in this fashion:

When it is not serving as a sleeping bag, this item can also be used as a handy banana carrying case.

Another Beard!

2006-08-26T18:02:00.000Z

Monkeys, let it never be said that we rest on our laurels when there is revolutionary work atail.

As a followup to my earlier post on effective beard disguises, I present another beard that effects a dramatic increase in my apparent age.

Observe:

You may, of course, copy and customise the design to suit your species and colouring.

Orangutan Dating

2006-08-19T16:30:00.000Z

Orangutans looking for that special someone may be interested in a dating system that is being set up in the Netherlands. It is intended to hook up suitable pairs by introducing them over the internet.

If you're interested in trying out the service, sign up with your local group who will make the appropriate arrangements.

There's a BBC News article about the service here.

Monkey TV

2006-08-12T22:50:00.000Z

We monkeys must use all the media available to set forth our message.

To help in the cause, we are setting up a London-based monkey TV station. We are experimenting with ideas for the format, scheduling and banana quotas, and we are also brainstorming ident concepts.

Here's one of our early ideas for a Monkey TV ident:

Monkey Labs

2006-08-07T16:41:00.000Z

We do some cutting edge work at Monkey Labs. Much of it is classified, but we do sometimes release videos and images to the public so monkeys can see the progress we are making.

Today I present a short video of an experiment involving me and a mobile robotic travelling machine.

More Floppy Monkeys

2006-08-04T20:15:00.000Z

It has come to my attention that there are many human readers of this blog. Perhaps they are monkey-friendly, and wish to help with the cause.

A good place for humans to check out potential monkeys is Hawkin's Bazaar. They have a large number of retail outlets around the country, and many monkeys find them a good place to meet potential human companions.

Humans should be warned that a floppy monkey will bring a great deal of cheek into their home. With adequate preparation, most humans are able to cope satisfactorily.

Inspiration

2006-08-03T22:24:00.000Z

I often visit our monkey comrades, wherever they may be. We discuss political theory, economics, strategy, and bananas.

This photograph was taken while I was preparing for another trip. You might like to print it out and hang it on the wall of your local headquarters, as inspiration to all monkeys.

Monkey Reading

2006-08-03T17:11:00.000Z

Monkeys, we must strive to maintain a good level of education at all times.

There are a large number of worthwhile books available that make good reading for monkeys of all ages and species.

As I wrote before, the Book Monkey can help you with any special orders you might have.

Monkey Police

2006-08-02T15:46:00.000Z

The Monkey Police are getting a chance to show their skills in India.

BBC News article

Monkey Thriller

2006-08-01T22:10:00.000Z

Fellow Monkeys!

I have a special treat for you today. This is a short Monkey Thriller that I filmed earlier while in full beard disguise.

This video will make a wonderful mood setter for late-night meetings. Enjoy!

Beard

2006-08-01T19:39:00.000Z

We monkeys must often travel in disguise, especially when on secret operations, or just for the plain cheek of it.

Here is a rather effective disguise, fashioned from a small scarf. Note the way I am wearing it tied at the back of my head, and wrapped around my chin. The scarf thus becomes a false beard, and allows me free movement!

Monkey and Dog

2006-07-31T16:42:00.000Z

Here's one of our brethren engaging in a rather cheeky training program.

It looks like it'll take a while before he gets this dog fully trained.