1000 Days of Hell

South Carolina Girl Wins Sailing Trip of a Life Time.

2009-05-11T22:16:00.001-04:00

From Lonelyboy15 ---

A lucky South Carolina lass has won the dream opportunity of a life time. A year at sea aboard a romantic 72 foot schooner cruising the South Seas! The '1000 days at sea' organization has been conducting the Be a Stowe-away for aYear competition to find a suitable person to join famous adventurer, artist and musician Reid Stowe as he continues his record breaking odyssey. The opportunity arouse when Mr. Reid's initial 1st mate ,Soanya, left the project to start a family.

The winner was announced at the gala finals evening, held last night.
The Judges had to pick winner, based on their suitability as a companion for Mr. Reid.
Head judge Jesse said "We were looking for someone with intelligence, good communication skills and, of course, a sound knowledge of world affairs and geography"

I think you will agree, they chose well......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lj3iNxZ8Dww

Windmill Lanced During High Speed Dragon Chase

2009-02-04T00:03:00.001-05:00

By CScow Associated Press
February 3, 2009. Barcelona de La Mancha, England
Updated: 13 minutes ago

A windmill is recovering from bowsprit lance injuries, following an afternoon highspeed dragon chase, during which speeds nearly exceeded 3 knots.

Police are questioning an obscure, fractionally NASA affiliated Hoboken astronomy team, "1000 Days", regarding the unauthorized, mildly subsidized, poorly executed, and largely ignored dragon chase. Neither residents nor the windmill itself recall seeing dragons in the area since 1400 BC, when the 1000 Days astronomy mission was first conceived.

Sancho "Sparky" Panza, deepwater electrician for the team, insists hateful dragons exist and warrant chasing. "We mind our chakra, living life to the cheesiest, expecting to be treated like kings for the amazing willy nilly research we do. Unfortunately, that dragon appeared, treating us with disdain, putting us under duress, and harrassing any loved ones we might have, if we weren't such ignorant assholes. That only hardened our resolve, forcing me to look up the word "vicissitudes" in the dictionary, because my spelling isn't so good. It took me a full month to figure out how to spell 'Maersk', the last time we filed falsified court papers for child suport. Vicissitudes. That one's gonna be a real pisser".

The windmill was treated with white stucco and released, following prompt action by local Belgian Tripel beer brewers. "We make up a microcosm of the grand macrocosm of Belgian Tripels. The last thing we need in this economy is crack induced 1970's dragon chasers interrupting beer production. Hell, mess with the fermentation schedule, we may as well give up and write books about soy sauce. Or start playing hockey. For the Detroit Redwings", said one brewermaster as he ordered barley millers back to work in the injured windmill.

Authorities issued citations to Weed Quixote, sailorman of HMS Anne, for exceeding the vessel's maximum certified speed limit of 1.75 knots. An unidentified brilliant all-star, right stuff detective, having fortitude to deal with hardships of missions he denies ever happened, noted Hoboken vessels are typically limited to the velocity of Hudson River currents, either plus or minus 1.75 knots when sailing on a broad reach in 25 knot winds, depending on tides, time of day, and alignment with Mars.

Anne's bowsprit, nicknamed "Stubby" by many observers, was withdrawn after being "in the pool" so to speak, and could not be reached for comment.

Cape Horn Rounding Plagued By Fan Participation

2009-01-19T08:54:00.003-05:00

By CScow Associated Press
January 18, 2009. Greenwich, West Africa
Updated: 45 minutes ago

HMS Anne nearly completed today's 35 meter leg of the famed 1000 Days In Sight of Cape Horn endurance competition, amidst cheers of disappointed fans and tourists.

"It's been a tough, remarkably successful day", according to Sparky, Anne's chief winch switch wiring engineer. "The 800 pound test fishing line wrapped around Anne's prop and rudder enabled our Mahi steering system to perform flawlessly. The captain's sprout methane propulsion system also worked well, providing intermittent forward motion. Sure, each time Anne moves, something breaks, rips, melts, implodes, ferments, shreads, disolves, rots, rusts, evaporates, explodes, burns, tears, collides, or disrupts the captain's Muladhara chakra. But those are minor concerns. Our main problem today was the unexpected, on-site attention of loyal fans. We planned to easily log 46,000 miles by daybreak, propelled by 372 knot winds and 147 meter waves. However, given spectators, we were pretty much confined to navigating calmer wind and waves, logging travels within a 65 foot radius".

Fans enjoyed the festive Las Vegas atmosphere, including senior citizens who first heard of "1000 Days" as young grade school students and "just had to get in on this action". Edith Rand, recently touring South American bingo parlors, made a special effort to visit Cape Horn and bet on the deepwater enduro. "The action has been simply fantastic! This morning, I doubled my bets the moment I saw Anne's solar panels melt. Thought I had lost the whole month's Social Security check by noon, when a 45-foot albatross collided with the antique gimballed platform and Anne moved six inches. But sure enough, by late afternoon, the lady floating in the inner tube flashed her tits....a full two hours before Anne came within 20 meters of the finish line. BINGO! Jackpot!!. Screw sprout chakra!!! Tonight it's prime rib beef, buttered lobster, fried bacon cheese sticks, and a quart of tequila for this old gal!!!!".

Tourists aboard a chartered US Airways casino expressed mixed reactions to the excursion, with opinions varying along traditional partisan chakra lines.

Frequent floaters, such as one yacht salesman from Detroit, cited the airline's inequitable distribution of honey roasted peanuts as well as a general lack of alternative entertainment. "I tried to be polite, only asking the stewardess for peanuts after my stomach grumbled and Manipura solar plexus chakra had gone from yellow to azure. The stewardess bitch ignored me....continued telling passengers steps to take in the event of a land landing, whining about smoking only being allowed on the leeward wing, and so on...like we haven't heard THAT speech 1000 times before. Meanwhile, those bastard armchair Admirals up in First Class ate all the damned honey roasted peanuts. Adding to misery, 16 hours into today's leg of the Cape competition, I strolled out to the windward wing to get some fresh air and play Shuffleboard. All they had was 'Void Ho And Go Seek', a game some world class dumbass electrician from Hoboken must have invented. 25,000 floater miles? For THIS? If this is how US Airways treats frequent floaters, I can only imagine service back in Bilge Class".

Several marine manufacturers and suppliers attended, in part to defend quality of products used in boats handmade for this and similar 1000 day events. "Sailormen buy or produce Optima Batteries expecting at least two trouble free years of continuous, dead-short winch switch power capacity, as advertised", noted an unidentified Optima Battery salesman. "Unfortunately, with these (multi-year) 1000 day events, consumers and gamblers lose track of time and may falsely assume our Optima failed earlier, possibly within the first year of constant dead-short use. That is simply not the case, as Anne clearly demonstrated over many decades of improper wiring".

Anne's former Danforth anchor was buried knee deep in Hudson River turd and jet engine parts and could not be reached for comment.

Cruising World Writes Article on Stowe - Our Weather Scow is on the Scene Reporting ---THE LAKE EFFECT

2009-01-09T01:26:00.004-05:00

Guttersnipe Epidemic Strikes Forum Dwellers
By CScow Associated Press
January 8, 2009. Santa's Village, New York
Updated: 72 minutes ago

Prestigious journalists are investigating an outbreak of Forum Dweller Guttersnipe (FDG), an inspiring condition impacting all ages, genders, and handmade boat owners.

This field reporter was absolutely, unequivocally, blown away by the engrossing impact guttersnipe has. Symptoms were described by one source at the scene as "schoolyard bullies throwing rocks at aging, innocent, rabid schoolyard cats who go on vacation to avoid child support obligations", or something to that effect.

One such cat, surrounding himself with and owing support to a variety of younger pussies, admits he has rankled souls along the way. "I am not a perfect cat, and they've found flaws to throw stones at. They don't like my selfish lifestyle, lack of coherent philosophy, convenient invention of random religions, choice of pussies, void personality, handmade schooner, or my art. They really love me, of course....just not those parts about me. Most of all, they don't understand my lifelong dream...dumpster diving for 1000 Days, the longest nonstop dumpster dive in cat history. Perhaps it isn't 'me'; it could be purely monetary, a product of our times, flowing from sponsors to my personal bank account before anyone discovers lack of tax-deductibility. I share an inspiring story. In return, forum dwellers guttersnipe me to the core, causing me to dig deep for love and more favorable press coverage".

Scientists and intellectuals are working non-stop to address the issue. "We thought we had guttersniping contained", said Sparky, of the Hoboken Deepwater Guttersnipe Research Facility. "Last week, a virulent forum dweller, guttersniping Detroit about some stupid hockey game, was nearly stoned to death by Detroit schoolyard bullies, when Detroit later won that game. Turns out we were overly optimistic, thinking Detroit or anyone in the dusty Great Lakes region would end it. Forum guttersnipe simply mutated into new variant strains, targeting Shuffleboard, airport runways, and petrol tankers. Where will it end? It now appears we need 1000 days, well over 207 pages of detailed forum research, and sale of at least one more Admiral web site membership to tackle this most remarkable of tragic problems".

Veteran forum dweller and sailor William Backstay remains optimistic, offensively commenting on gains made in fighting aimless driftathons, the leading cause of Guttersnipe. "Sure, we have misguided women like Sparky...dwelling here and in other forums, signing on as "SailDude" and "Sailing007", who have never set foot on a sailboat, nor apparently been owed child support. Fortunately, experienced forum dwellers have developed early detection methods, often allowing application of less invasion nitpicking out-patient procedures, with minimal ralphing or other side effects. There's still hope".

Sailorman Rescues Petrol Tanker

2009-01-07T00:09:00.002-05:00

By CScow Associated Press
January 6, 2009. Santiago, British Columbia
Updated: 13 minutes ago

A ship was mistakenly rescued today, when the captain of a handmade schooner confused the 180-tonne petrol tanker Sonangol Kassanje with a nearby capsized race boat needing assistance.

Crew of the tanker and handmade rescue schooner "Anne" are said to be safe and in good health, but the incident was not without mishap. The captain of Sonangol Kassanje considered trying to outrun the handmade schooner, believing it looked "a lot like those pirate boats in the papers lately". However, the tanker remained stationary, intent on guarding the capsized race boat, leading to its striking Anne some 6 hours later.

Damages to the handmade schooner were difficult to determine, reportedly due to its general condition. "She's in pretty bad shape. We just can't figure out how a collision could age the sails that fast. About the only thing in workable condition is the deck. Looks like spruce out of a Steinway or something.", a member of the tanker's crew noted. Sources indicate the tanker's owners, backed by millionaire sponsors, denied responsibility but agreed to a settlement calling for their purchase of an "Admiral" membership to some obscure New York web site in exchange for Anne "just going away".

Jean Le Cam, skipper of the capsized VM Matériaux, witnessed the tanker rescue and chose to remain captive in his inverted boat for 16 hours, indicating the hard working skipper of the handmade schooner had done enough for one day. "Thanks, but I'm good. Really! I already have a ride coming to pick me up, and have a couple of novels to read while I wait. Take a break!! Relax!!! Go sailing.....over there, by that tanker!!! I'll be fine!!!".

1000 Days of Hell Cited in Sail Magazine

2008-12-27T16:46:00.005-05:00

WoooooooHoooooooo! .............. and WTF?

In the January issue of Sail, Charles Doane includes a link to this blog site in an article about Reid Stowe and 1000 Days at Sea. The title of his article is "To Infinity and Beyond".

While we certainly appreciate the publicity, we have to wonder if he hasn't got anything better to write about. Overall, the article is the most balanced we've seen. Mr. Doane mentions some of Reid's less flattering life experiences and, as far as we're concerned, nails the description of the art Reid created by accident in the Pacific saying - "...his whale in fact looks more like a manatee" (E-mail me Mr. Doane and let me know where to send the prize - a pair of Soanya panties).

He made a couple errors in his article, including saying that "...Anne was struck by a freighter". Reality is that Reid hit a very, very large ship. He also states in reference to this blog that - "You'll note too, that this so-called parody of Reid often verges into outright hatred".

How does one "verge into outright" anything? That's like saying that Soanya was "almost completely pregnant".

More important, we'd like Mr. Doane to substantiate his claim that there's any hatred here. Look it up in the dictionary. There's not a whole lot of respect for Reid here, but that's a far cry from "outright hatred". Please point out hateful words, HTFU, or go back to writing those rosy reviews of Barney and Friends.

Our feelings are hurt and we think an apology is in order.

Thanks Tabman... Funny Shit

2008-12-19T20:44:00.004-05:00

NickDG Welcomes Darshen Into the Big Azure World

2008-07-25T10:55:00.003-04:00

NickDG Does It Again!!!!

2008-07-11T00:12:00.001-04:00

Thanks again NickDG!

2008-05-30T11:44:00.002-04:00

Day 378 - Message of Hope

2008-04-30T08:53:00.002-04:00

Many times during the trip, I have received warm hearted and genuine emails and phone calls from wonderful supporters, and I thought I would just say thankyou to the latest contributor Brian, who gave me some wonderful advice on how to get rid of the marine growth on the bottom of Anne.

I didnt realise that ferralyte was an essentially porous mixture of polyester resin and talcum powder in a ratio of about 1 part resin to 20 parts talcum. Fortunately, talcum powder is porous and according to the desalinator manual, when you have a porous subject, if the pressure on one side is greater than the other side, the water will pass straight through, in a process called osmosis.

So yesterday, when I was cleaning the desalinator and reversing the pressure, I achieved reverse osmosis, and I could not believe the quantity of gunk that came out of the desalinator.

So I did some quick calculations, and I worked out that if I tightened the fastenings on the hatches, and closed the hatches, I could, by opening some of the propane bottles down below, achieve an internal hull pressure of about 30 pounds per square inch, and that would be sufficient to force the gas through the talc (through reverse osmosis), and magically lift off the marine growth on the bottom of the hull, just like the desalinator did.

Of course I would have to modify my snorkel, with a length of hose, so that I could breathe while I was in the cabin, opening propane bottles, but fortunately I have some good tape that should do the job.

Where would I be without such wonderful advice.

The other great advice I got was to put my headsail up in place of my mainsail. It is working a treat, and sets well behind the mast, but unfortunately it is backwards, so I am now finding that Anne wants to sail backwards all the time. Anyway, I am getting used to it.

So thankyou Brian, I am off to try your idea, and who knows, it might even force some of the diesel in the bilge, out of the boat as well. It is so dark down there though, I dont know how I can see what I am doing.. I guess I will think of something..

Reid

Thanks Timmys Trick Turkey!

SeaMadness and Soy after filming their 1000-Days Bible infomercial....

2008-04-23T07:02:00.002-04:00

JPlanet responds to Soanyas latest post and at the same time responds to the response of SeaMadness to fund raising efforts by MC in response to what appears to be less than stellar support for the space analogous voyage.

In the image, "NOT VOID HO" means that it is not this.

She was in Oz, right?

2008-03-14T16:11:00.000-04:00

Thanks NickDG!

NickDG - Gettin it done .......

2008-03-10T23:08:00.002-04:00

Is This Even Funny?

2008-03-07T04:24:00.001-05:00

Yup! Thanks again NickDG!

Golly -- That was Quick!

2008-03-05T16:13:00.002-05:00

Thanks NickDG

1000 DOH Exclusive - Soanya's Back in New York - The Interviews at JFK

2008-02-29T12:41:00.004-05:00

1000 Days of Hell went to New York's JFK Airport with a camera to be part of Soanya's welcome home party. I think we covered the story better than Adam Nichols at the NY Daily News, don't you?

A Few Days in Perth

2008-02-27T21:28:00.003-05:00

NickDG was there in Perth to capture Soanya taking advantage of Australian hospitality. From barf bags to shopping bags, her instantaneous reidcuperation has been miraculous.

Goodbye Soanya. Hello Voices.

2008-02-26T07:56:00.007-05:00

Wherein Reid bids Soyonara to Soanya and introduces us to the imaginary friends that live in his head. "The High Seas" --- Very funny stuff from Sailing Anarchy's favorite newbie Thermopyle.

Adventurer, Convicted Drug Smuggler & Deadbeat Dad

2008-02-24T14:09:00.004-05:00

Warrants for Child Support ---

(Click on image to enlarge)

Search for yourself by clicking here.

Thanks to liboy who posted links to the above on the NY Daily News site.

Reid's Shore Team Thinks YOU are an Idiot

2008-02-22T10:53:00.007-05:00

Today, Reid's shore team posted a Press Release in which many of their claims can be challenged, but two of their claims are reidiculous, blatant lies.

They know it.

They must think you and I are completely daft.

SO CLOSE

From their Press Release -

The “1000 Days at Sea: The Mars Ocean Odyssey” voyage has the
aim of remaining in the open ocean, out-of-sight of land, with no
re-provision or resupply for a period of 1000 days

"Out of site of land"? The screen shot below shows the distance between Anne's track and Rottnest Island to her right. A half mile converts to about 900 yards - or three drives and a well executed 5 iron. If you think that 900 yards is "out of site of land", I suggest you contact Reid's shore team immediately and ask that their web updates be sent to you in braille.

AND YET SO FAR

From their Press Release -

Soanya's seasickness over the last few months,
brought on by their entry into the southern ocean...

The Southern Ocean is below 60 degrees south. The screen capture below shows a line, made with Google Earth ruler function. That line is from the Anne's southernmost point on her cruise to 60 S.

Take a look at the distance. No small miscalculation or "close enough". That's about the distance between New York City and the Magical World of Disney in Orlando FL. I'd say they were just a tad shy of the Southern Ocean, wouldn't you? To make it to the Southern Ocean from their closest point to it would have taken an additional 10 days.....if they headed straight south.....and averaged 5 knots.

A word about the use of the word "captain", Captain Stowe ...

2008-02-22T05:38:00.002-05:00

(With thanks to original IFSMA article, here)

The Courtesy Title of "Captain"

“Captain” is a RANK in the Armed Services (Army Navy and Air Force) it is only a Courtesy Title in the MERCHANT NAVY.

The Title of “Captain” is very loosely and widely used throughout the Transport Industry as “Captain of a Ship” “Captain of an Aircraft” and more recently “Captain of a Train”. In the world of Competitive Sports it appears as “Captain of the County Cricket Club", “Captain of the Rugby Football Team”, “Captain of the Golf Club” and “Captain of the Darts Team”.

In the USA and Canada the term is used to describe the leader of a group as “Captain of Industry”, a policeman in charge of a precinct, a head waiter, and a supervisor of bellboys in a hotel. At its most ludicrous level you could most surely have “Captain of a Wheelbarrow”, “Captain of a Milk Float” or “Captain of an Ice Cream Cart”. In other words “Captain” may be used to describe any person in charge of a vehicle or having responsibility for a group of people.

In the Merchant Navy the person in charge and having ultimate responsibility for the command of the vessel is the SHIPMASTER and his rank is that of a MASTER. In the view of IFSMA this RANK is accorded to SHIPMASTERS who are in possession of an Internationally recognised Certificate of Competency issued by the Government of an established maritime nation and who are or have been in command of a seagoing Merchant Ship.

A number of Professional Institutes do formally address their members as “Captain”. This is purely a matter of courtesy and is usually confirmed to internal proceedings of that particular Institute. For example members of the Honourable Company of Master Mariners (a City of London Livery Company) must have held a Master Mariners Certificate of Competency for 5 years prior to their election but they do not need to have actually held command. In committee and court meetings they are addressed as “Captain”.

The title of “Captain” is very jealously safeguarded by those Master Mariners who have served in Command. The nearest we come to a Official Recognition of the title is in Government Departments such as the Marine Directorate in the Department of Transport where the Nautical Surveyors MUST have served at least 2 years in command of a foreign going steamship whilst holding a Class 1 (MASTER MARINER) Certificate of Competency. In addition they must hold the EXTRA MASTER CERTIFICATE of Competency or a B.Sc. Degree in Nautical Studies.

This rather demonstrates that the title “Captain” must be recognized by the Nautical Profession as an accolade to be earned by a Shipmaster having achieved a standard of excellence and demonstrated a level of expertise in maritime matters which would not normally be available to a lower ranking Officer due to inadequate or insufficient sea service and to lack of control decision making in Command Environment.

The IFSMA membership consists of fully qualified Shipmasters who have held Command of Seagoing Merchant Ships and they are addressed as “Captain”. IFSMA fully appreciates the desire of the ruling bodies to raise the profile of their Professional Institutes and to enhance the status of their Membership, but urges them not to cast their net too wide so that the RANK OF SHIPMASTER and the title of CAPTAIN are unwittingly cheapened. Both terms should be restricted to those who are properly qualified as Master Mariners AND who are holding, or have held Command of a Merchant Vessel.

And Then There Was One......

2008-02-21T14:42:00.003-05:00

In the wee hours of the morning on the East Coast of the US, an Australian by the name of Glenn20 posted to a Sailing Anarchy forum the following:

Called Aus Customs Hot line - the guy at the end thought I was very odd -

Got call back from Canberra (HQ).

THey have a file on the boat. A yacht is going out from Royal Perth Yacht CLub to meet the boat outside of the 3 nm radius. His girlfirend is gavely ill and needs to be removed from the ANNE and then processed by customs (probably taken to hospital)

Reid continues on his way and does not enter our 3nm border

Later the story was confirmed by a post from Reid and Soanya on their official website.

While we've had some great laughs at Soanya's expense, since the news broke this morning every comment at SA that references Soanya has been supportive of her decision. We hope Soanya can take some time to decompress from her experience. We wish her a rapid recovery and all the best.

2008-02-21T00:16:00.001-05:00

New from NickDG Press - "The Story of Convict Transport Ship Anne"

2008-02-19T23:46:00.012-05:00

A riveting, modern day story of survival at sea, and the struggle for survival in Australia.

The story begins in a schooner-analogous Federal Penitentiary in Texas where our protagonist is shunned by his cell mates and is purposefully clumsy with soap in the communal shower.

Suddenly, out of the azure, he feels the Tantric vibes that would change his life forever -- the vibrations of a baby girl being born in Brooklyn. Fourteen years later, that same girl would accompany him on his epic journey where they would endure unimaginable hardships - a collision at sea, the ruthless Capt. Squawk, and over 300 days without the comfort of lotioned man-hands.

700 days prior to their scheduled landing at the penal colony, enter T.C. Nicholas - the violent and stormy antagonist who drives them into the port of his own choosing. Unable to afford a phone call home to ask for financial assistance, our desperate pair of lovers are forced into the completely alien world of work. While our hero intimately tends sheep in the Australian Brokeback, it is our heroine who tirelessly pours the countless slushies at the Minimart that might ultimately earn their freedom.

A tale of deception, feigned struggle, napping, and suffering through the humiliation of having to don Fall pant suits suitable for urban, white collar work in a rural, Summer setting.

(click to enlarge)