tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-315805362009-12-15T05:53:03.059-08:00Humor Jokes, Funny jokes, Humor Pictures,Funny Adult Jokes, Sarcastic jokes, Witty humor, Life, Celebrity News, India, BollywoodMitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.comBlogger2070125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-79430650618570176572009-12-15T00:07:00.001-08:002009-12-15T00:07:00.655-08:00

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful." Then he fell asleep again.His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're cute. "The wife was disappointed because instead of "beautiful," it was now "cute."

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-7688681082509725712009-12-15T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-15T00:06:00.280-08:00

I requested identification from a department store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase.After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address.It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-48689942150347257532009-12-15T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-15T00:05:00.092-08:00

Michael Jackson’s last words: “Take me to the Children’s Hospital!”

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-41920516776764292212009-12-14T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-14T00:05:00.939-08:00

Why does it take 100 million sperm to fertilize one egg?Because not one will stop and ask for directions.

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-47442142373911920782009-12-14T00:04:00.000-08:002009-12-14T00:04:00.184-08:00

For the first time in, oh, a decade, I think, something from Microsoft shipped on time:Jennifer Katharine Gates, weighed 8 pounds 6 ounces when she was downloaded, er, born on Friday, April 26 at 6:11pm. And what do Baby Gates and Daddy's products have in common?1. Neither can stand on its own two feet without a LOT of third party support.2. Both barf all over themselves regularly.3. Regardless

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-78466863865476656532009-12-14T00:02:00.000-08:002009-12-14T00:02:00.115-08:00

A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight!Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?"To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!"

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-31661811397440059692009-12-13T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-13T00:05:00.097-08:00

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-73170082788022145502009-12-12T12:23:00.000-08:002009-12-12T12:23:00.374-08:00

"When I was born..the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father…I'm very sorry. We did everything we could…but he pulled through."

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-92100103336469146562009-12-12T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-12T00:06:00.333-08:00

I requested identification from a department store customer who had just written a personal check for her purchase.After fumbling through her purse, she presented me with what she said was the only thing that bore both her name and address.It was a notice of insufficient funds from her bank.

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-50276870154633191442009-12-12T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-12T00:05:00.302-08:00

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!"So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please."The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.A second blonde

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-47950016282068873982009-12-11T00:06:00.001-08:002009-12-11T00:06:00.044-08:00

Sipping her drink, the single 20-year-old girl leered and said, "Last Friday,. At the end of the work, I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!"The engaged woman giggled

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-21108552477390528222009-12-11T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-11T00:06:00.285-08:00

Iraqi terrorist Khay Rahnajet did not pay enough postage on a letter bomb. It came back with 'Return to Sender' stamped on it. Forgetting it was the bomb, he opened it and was blown to bits.

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-40602784381825034392009-12-11T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-11T00:05:00.709-08:00

In our family, toys, bikes and clothes are repainted, repaired and mended for the next in line. I didn't realize the impact this recycling was having on our children until one day our daughter came home from kindergarten saying a classmate had lost her tooth. I wondered if Maria understood who the tooth fairy was and asked if she knew where her teeth go when she loses one.She pointed to her 14-

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-9779806431973534022009-12-10T00:07:00.000-08:002009-12-10T00:07:00.178-08:00

Q. What two words will clear out a men's changing room quicker than anything else?A. Nice dick!

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-68987745452719225102009-12-10T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-10T00:06:00.064-08:00

My friend, a trucker, is often caught in commuter rush-hour traffic.One morning when everything came to a standstill, he sat high up in his 18-wheeler singing and whistling.A passenger in a nearby car,frustrated by the delay, yelled up at my brother, "What are you so happy about?""I'm already at work!" he cheerfully replied.

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-13877623006829507622009-12-10T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-10T00:05:00.925-08:00

If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are canceled out by the diet soda.When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you don’t eat more than they do.Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER counts, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.If you fatten up everyone

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-75404381012933702292009-12-09T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-09T00:06:00.099-08:00

1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.2. The New York Times is read by people who think they run the country.3. The Washington Post is read by people who think they should run the country.4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however like the smog statistics shown in pie

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-25514977423511137162009-12-09T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-09T00:05:00.440-08:00

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?A. It's not hard.

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-58714983933572134322009-12-08T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-08T00:06:00.346-08:00

After sex, I mean the second after, she continues where she left off.Her eyes open and before you can breathe, you hear, " ... And, oh, yeah, I have to defrost the chicken, and your mother wants you to pick up her dry cleaning ..."Jimmy, Fort Lauderdale, Fla.

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-77607470795014122152009-12-08T00:05:00.001-08:002009-12-08T00:05:00.899-08:00

Peter walks into an insurance office and asks for a job."We don't need anyone" they replied."You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything!""Well we have two prospects that No One has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job."He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00."How in the

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-47125124060724554002009-12-08T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-08T00:05:00.413-08:00

"Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake."Next time, take off the candles."

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-55176481382384879662009-12-07T00:07:00.000-08:002009-12-07T00:07:00.066-08:00

A man walks into a tee shirt store. There are 3 shirts on display.The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled... "Got Milk".The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled.... "Forgot milk".The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache on it. It is entitled ...."Not Milk...."

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-92134892534856843632009-12-07T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-07T00:06:00.064-08:00

The banquet was about to begin when the master of ceremonies was informed that the clergyman invited to give the blessing was unable to attend.He asked the main speaker if he would oblige, and the man agreed.He began, "There being no clergyman present, let us thank God."

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-14007649904224274292009-12-07T00:05:00.000-08:002009-12-07T00:05:00.098-08:00

A kindergarten teacher at age 30 was talking to the children seated on the floor around her, absentmindedly she removed her glasses to clean them."Wow, Miss Collins!" one child exclaimed. "You look really different without your glasses on !"Another child piped up, "I bet she looks different when she takes her teeth out, too!"

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31580536.post-11163502290838724012009-12-06T00:06:00.000-08:002009-12-06T00:06:00.900-08:00

Q. How can you tell a tough lesbian bar?A. Even the pool table has no balls.

Mitesh Asherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18442396600800575081mitesh_asher@yahoo.com0