twelve pearly gates

2009-12-02T20:20:00.000-08:00

things are good. not great - well maybe in some areas of my life. it seems few are that great. but i'm off my focus. not that life's been dull, but i'm still looking for more. it's a sad existence to walk into your job wanting to be clocking out. it's even more sad that i don't really hate my job; i just am frustrated with it. i also know that my heart's not in it. but i'm honest with myself: i know that most people in their dull existences don't have the luxury of choice; they don't believe they have the opportunities to break from their cookie-cutter lives fashioned for them by forces unseen. or their bosses.
this isn't s self help course. or a pep talk for anyone. it where i am. "we were meant to live for so much more, if we lost ourselves..." i need to get lost again. responsibility shouldn't tie me down: it should free me to live. it's my responsibility to do what i feel my heart is intent on doing. some people like to be cookies. i want to be freaking creme brulee. with chocolate. lots of chocolate.
it's a simple task, but i've got a problem finishing. i'm a song writer, but maybe i'm just fifteen sixteenths of one. that's all i can get done lately. i have eyes on something else, or distractions of another song, or thought. i need to slow the rats running in my head. they scamper from side to side. i should buy them more stationary wheels. or tubes!
i've got about seven drafts of posts from the last three months that i've not gotten to. i think they'd be really interesting to follow up on. wouldn't you like to know? or not.
basically, i've learned to love again and be loved for being me. i don't have to fit anyone elses picture of success, or even better, be the color they want me to be. so what if i came out the oven a bit later than you and your family? i'm still a person!
but doesn't it come down to love? it can always go back to that foundation. agape. people use it without knowing what it means, confusing it with eros or philos. or worse not seeking to employ its majesty at all. but it's a root of humanity. ok screw you, it's part of mine and i'm projecting. what of it?
i have no clue why i started to write this. i wish i could call this a drunken rant. it's not. i guess i just wanted to finish something tonight. i love you all. until then---

2009-11-05T18:32:00.000-08:00

tHOUGhtS WhilE sTAring at A Wall

so i'm on my way back from my music lesson today and of course i always keep my wits about myself because there are plenty of people driving that just shouldn't be...
on that note, there are laws in place that are supposed to prevent extra stupidity. in california, our laws of not using our cellular conventionally (without a hand-free device, and no texting) while driving is one such law meant to keep people's attention on the many happenings around them. and just like any good law, people will always think that they are immune from it, or that they won't get caught this time, etc. i'm not here to preach a holier-than-thou speech, because i'm not sure of all the facets of the laws, and i know that i've broken my fair share. (however, this one is common sense to me...) but, regardless, i stepped into the realm of "what if..."

ethics aside (of course), if i were to swerve a little into the lane of a person i just passed next to me that i noticed was on their phone, with my indicator on of course, would that person be more likely to be cited as at fault if they hit me? could i get a new car this way? i really would like a new car... well not new persay, but one that's reliable. unitl then---

2009-10-08T17:48:00.000-07:00

THOuGHtS whILE StaRIng At A WaLL

the other day i saw an ad while waiting at a car wash that donned this very famous symbol:

if you live in the US and you see this on a persons car, an advert, etc., you definitely see it and think: "by golly, that must be a christian in the vehicle/christian business!" but is this a case of using the ichthus sell stuff? and in turn, using Christ to sell stuff? isn't that explicitly stated as wrong to do in the bible? not only that, i think that it leads into people feeling badly if we do not support fellow christians even if their work is shoddy, etc.
even farther into the problem is the ichthus itself! is it a symbol? an idol? maybe noone worships it directly, but people "respect" it in some odd manner (and even disrespect it as though it has some power, i.e. Darwin ichthus look-alikes).
all i know for sure is that i find myself shying away from that sort of thing... it's one thing to wear your faith on your sleeve (even clothing yourself in it as you should) but i think this sort of thing is terrible exploitation of the faith showing some of the same things noticed by Martin Luther and why he wrote the 95 Theses on the Catholic church. until then---

2009-09-25T22:58:00.001-07:00

friday morning, i saw a headline on the front page of the New York Times (telling me that it was on a middle page somewhere) that dealt with an important basic right in the United states: or first amendment stating, "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances." apparently there were/are protesters in Pittsburgh that were speaking out against an assembly of world leaders similar to the one about implementing the WTO in 1999 that became a huge debacle on the side of the Seattle government (where the '99 assembly was held). a very good film was made documenting the event with a fictional story tying everything together called Battle in Seattle. please check it out. but here's the article as i found it on the internet at the Huffington Post:

G20 Protesters Ordered To Stop March By Pittsburgh Police
DANIEL LOVERING and MICHAEL RUBINKAM | 09/24/09 11:23 PM |

PITTSBURGH — Police fired canisters of pepper spray and smoke and rubber bullets at marchers protesting the Group of 20 summit Thursday after anarchists responded to calls to disperse by rolling trash bins, throwing rocks and breaking windows.
Pittsburgh Police Chief Nate Harper said 17 to 19 protesters were arrested, and Mayor Luke Ravenstahl said swift police decisions resulted in minimal property damage. Officials said there were no reports of injuries.
The afternoon march turned chaotic at just about the time that President Barack Obama and first lady Michelle Obama arrived for a meeting with leaders of the world's major economies.
The clashes began after several hundred protesters, many advocating against capitalism, tried to march from an outlying neighborhood toward the convention center where the summit is being held.
The protesters clogged streets, banged on drums and chanted "Ain't no power like the power of the people, 'cause the power of the people don't stop."
The marchers included small groups of self-described anarchists, some wearing dark clothes and bandanas and carrying black flags. Others wore helmets and safety goggles.
One banner read, "No borders, no banks," another, "No hope in capitalism." A few minutes into the march, protesters unfurled a large banner reading "NO BAILOUT NO CAPITALISM" with an encircled "A," a recognized sign of anarchists.
The marchers did not have a permit and, after a few blocks, police declared it an unlawful assembly. They played an announcement over a loudspeaker ordering people to leave and then police in riot gear moved in to break it up. Authorities also used a crowd-control device that emits a deafening siren-like noise, making it uncomfortable for protesters to remain in the streets.
Protesters split into smaller groups. Some rolled large metal trash bins toward police, and a man in a black hooded sweat shirt threw rocks at a police car, breaking the front windshield. Protesters broke 10 windows in a few businesses, including a bank branch, a Boston Market restaurant and a BMW dealership, police said.
Officers fired canisters of pepper spray and smoke at the protesters, set off a flash-bang grenade and fired rubber bullets. Some of those exposed to the pepper spray coughed and complained that their eyes were watering and stinging.
About an hour after the clashes started, the police and protesters were at a standoff. Police sealed off main thoroughfares to downtown.
Twenty-one-year-old Stephon Boatwright, of Syracuse, N.Y., wore a mask of English anarchist Guy Fawkes and yelled at a line of riot police. He then sat cross-legged near the officers, telling them to let the protesters through and to join their cause.
"You're actively suppressing us. I know you want to move," Boatwright yelled, to applause from the protesters gathered around him.
Protesters complained that the march had been peaceful and that police were trampling on their right to assemble.
"We were barely even protesting," said T.J. Amick, 22, of Pittsburgh. "Then all of a sudden, they come up and tell us we're gathered illegally and start using force, start banging their shields, start telling us we're going to be arrested and tear gassed. ... We haven't broken any laws."
Bret Hatch, 26, of Green Bay, Wis., was carrying an American flag and a "Don't Tread on Me" flag.
"This is ridiculous. We have constitutional rights to free speech," he said.
The National Lawyers Guild, a liberal legal-aid group, said one of its observers, a second year law student, was among those arrested. Its representatives were stationed among the protesters, wearing green hats.
"I think he was totally acting according to the law. I don't think he was provoking anyone at all," said Joel Kupferman, a member of the guild. "It's really upsetting because he's here to serve, to make sure everyone else can be protected. ... It's a sign that they are out of control."
The march had begun at a city park, where an activist from New York City, dressed in a white suit with a preacher's collar, started it off with a speech through a bullhorn.
"They are not operating on Earth time. ... They are accommodating the devil," he said. "To love democracy and to love the earth is to be a radical now."
The activist, Billy Talen, travels the country preaching against consumerism. He initially identified himself as "the Rev. Billy from the Church of Life After Shopping."
Such street demonstrations have become the norm at world economic gatherings, including a G-20 meeting in London in April. The protesters here appeared to number fewer than a 1,000, a fraction of the 50,000 that took to the streets of Seattle a decade ago at a World Trade Organization event.
Later Thursday, hundreds of protesters, including a handful of anarchists, massed near the Phipps Conservatory and Botanical Garden where the G-20 summit was beginning with a welcome ceremony.
"Tell me what a police state looks like. This is what a police state looks like!" the protesters chanted as several hundred riot police blocked them from getting any closer.
Police fired smoke canisters on a crowd at night in the city's Oakland section, home to the University of Pittsburgh, after calling for people to disperse, calling it an illegal assembly.
Police had let the crowd, a mix of protesters and students, remain for several hours before issuing the dispersal order. Police appeared to arrest a few people.
Dignitaries arrived in waves throughout the day, entering a city under heavy security. Police and National Guard troops guarded many downtown intersections, and a maze of tall metal fences and concrete barriers shunted cars and pedestrians.
The G-20 ends late Friday afternoon after a day of meetings at the David L. Lawrence Convention Center.
___

Associated Press writers Vicki Smith, Mark Scolforo and Ramit Plushnick-Masti contributed to this report.

Read more at: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/09/24/g20-protesters-ordered-to_n_298675.html.
there's something that needs to be done. can anybody please tell me how we can allow our basic rights to be taken away from us so freely? they will continue to do so until we stand up for them. it takes knowing what our rights are. educate! if you know, tell your friends! have intelligent conversation. it's our responsibility (stop passing blame!) to ourselves and our polis. for those of us that are God-fearing, this all the more true. until then---

2009-09-22T19:45:00.000-07:00

this past weekend saw the culmination of some serious work put out by one of the upa's youngest club teams, OCD. this team, of which i am a very proud member, had a decent showing this weekend at sectionals held at CSULB, doing just enough to qualify for regionals which will be held in Scottsdale, AZ. this being our second year, we had our eyes set on making it to regionals this year as we had unexpectedly done last year, so we reached our goal.
our trip to AZ will be in less than two weeks (over the weekend of October 3 & 4) and will demand a much more rigorous style of play from this lesser-experienced team. it's a crazy endeavor, but if we do indeed intend to be contenders in the years to come, we will need to see first-hand how some much more experienced teams can play. (making it to nationals would be quite an amazing feat as it is entirely unexpected, and a bit out of most our price range (it's in Sarasota, FL every year...), but hey, it could happen!)
i love playing this game of ultimate so much and i feel so lucky to be able to take part with a team the enjoys playing it, first, because it's fun. it's great to play something that you can be evaluated by peers and not a coach that is playing politics (as is what has ruined a lot of other organized sports i've played in the past). better yet, a sport that you get rewarded simply for playing hard. you play hard/do your best/RUN, you earn the respect of your teammates. it's as simple at that. i love OCD especially because through all of the loses we accrued, we still played hard; and on top of that, partied afterward! can't wait for regionals! until then---

2009-09-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

this is a post responding (or corresponding) with my dear friend's recent post at 50fifty.

i definitely agree with the statement that it seems that Penn is writing about the large subset of Christianity that is rather close-minded and scared of anything outside the box. i think as a Christian, if you haven't asked yourself, "what if there isn't a God" and proved it to yourself in some way, then you may be lacking a large part in your belief in God. if you don't question, you can never learn... it's like being in a relationship with someone and not ever having doubts that the person is the one. but maybe that's the problem with marriage, as evident by the ever-rising divorce rate...

but as an example, i know that some talk of Christians that are "babies of the faith" as in they came to believe at a later time in their lives. i take part in a bible study with people that are ALL older than me by quite a bit (5-10 years at least) and long-time Christians yet last night ran across thoughts from around the room that were like those of said "babies." we were finishing up the epistle to the church of Phillipi that Paul wrote to them from jail. the last chapter is full of great verses (i won't quote them all, read it sometime!) that are often quoted on Christian merchandise or in the church by pastors. we joked that it was a "Paul's Greatest Hits" collection and all i could think of was Boston's first album and greatest hits being one in the same...
basically, what happens is that these lovely gems are taken out of context (as evident by all of them knowing the quotable verses) and people don't understand the purpose for Paul having written them. it's like reading the back cover of a novel and then the last page and deciding you know the whole story. (i actually refrained from even reading Paul's epistles for about 3 years because this happens so often with his writings, and i think that it gave me better perspective as to the purpose of Paul's writings in the bible; the gospel can sustain itself but he's supplemental reading.) what happens is quite evident in the church today: the division, the discrimination, the lack of godly vision, etc., etc. simply because people skim the jewels off the top that they can use immediately and fail to look at the whole picture. no big picture leaves you rather close-minded and the cycle continues...

i also struggle with the idea that people are too focused on heaven (or not wanting to go to hell). i think that i can definitely agree with Penn here, as his point seems to be that Christians don't often enjoy the life that they have here right now. and for this same part of the Christian culture that doesn't look at the big picture, it is usually true. so, i'm going to approach the idea of God wanting more for humanity in a different light: from what i can see, Penn is again looking at this large subset that you mentioned that do indeed "beg the invisible for more." being content with where/who we are now is definitely a large part of being faithful to Christ's teaching (again Paul puts this in the same letter mentioned earlier). "God wanting us to have more" is just the teaching that God has a plan for us. but as i see it, this plan is simply a relationship with him, nothing more nothing less; but with any relationship comes some shedding of some habits and gaining of new ones. this leads to us having "more" since, if you believe in the "God of Abraham," our creator will know how to best use the card dealt to each of us. to me, this is worth more than a ticket to heaven and i think better points to the shortcomings in Penn's argument; due to him picking this subset - and honestly not really doing his homework on the God-fearing faiths as evident in his delineation through forgiveness, acceptance, and suffering, although largely what Christianity is seen as today, to be his basis for there being "no God."

so basically, like Grant, i can agree that it's refreshing to hear someone start their debate in the search for truth with the idea that there simply is no sentient being that may lord over our very lives. however, the full arguments Penn uses only look at a part of the community of believers and not the basis of the faith itself as he should have. but to reiterate Grant's last statements, it's a better conversation. until then---

2009-09-02T08:52:00.000-07:00

i've decided that Disneyland is one of the greatest anomalies in our system. i mean, excuse the fact that it's the self-proclaimed "happiest place on earth" but it defies many things that a lot of amusement parks fall into.
i had the pleasure of enjoying this magical world while on the job earlier this week. my boss wanted to make a trip of it with some other friends (those of which i can call friends as well). i'm just going to say it: five straight guys visiting Disneyland on their own and not to pick up on traveling girls is a bit odd. the fact that it was totally fun and not awkward (as one should expected it to be) seems to be part of the contradiction. i mean where else can a hetero, young man be excited about taking this photo and not be temporarily excommunicated from his friends:

yeah. what up, Stitch. this may have been the highlight of one of the guys' days (i won't mention any names... carlos...), but these characters have made an impression on our childhood that won't go away. (i personally haven't even seen Lilo & Stitch so i have no attachment to this character, but oh, here are others...) the Disney brand has been able to leave an impression on children and adults alike for generations now. whether it's positive or negative, i leave that to the individual, but no matter what there are somethings that seem to get set into our consciousness and subconscious that contradict our reality. the idea of the princess finding her prince is forever embedded into the mind of most women in a world where the majority of Disney-goers don't live where they can even find a prince, let alone true royalty at all. in the US we have people wealthy enough that can be considered an equivalent, but usually there is a lack of prince-like mentality from those born into it.

in creating this resort atmosphere in a city/town (Anaheim) with an economy entirely based on entertainment (Baseball Stadium, Convention Center, Honda Center (home of the Ducks), the Grove, and Disneyland) should be pretty common place with those places in mind. for most people from out of town, this may not be very noticeable as the freeways usher you to straight to this magical world, but for those of us locals, outside of the couple of blocks around Disney is not the palm tree-laden resort that Disney (and Hollywood) has portrayed southern California to be. not that it's ghetto, but...
in short the place is a section of orange county all its own. the fact that there is a "downtown" Disney, even plays into that quite well.

it just may be the equivalent of the Vatican to Rome.

oh and one of my favorite things to find at Disney:

the happiest place on earth: a place where you can find your prince, be gay (and i mean HAPPY :P) with your bros, shake hands with cartoon characters, and know that it's still your choice to recycle or waste... politely (may your conscience be your guide). until then---

2009-08-27T20:17:00.000-07:00

in a random search for a picture of the tiger known as Hobbes (made famous by Bill Watterson's comics), i came across a plethora of images, mainly fan-fic comics and art, that seemed to focus on a future Calvin: teenager, college, or even grown up with kids of his own. i came across one in particular that struck me. it led me to think of problems that we seem to have in raising our kids nowadays and where our focus lies as we get older. here's the comic below:

the loss of imagination is huge, but the real thing that stuck was why Calvin ignores Hobbes. "mom says the pills must be working"? the kid that i remember being so much like a no-holds-barred, adventurous youth that i could identify with, and yet, quite pensive and intelligent in the way that he viewed life around him has need for pills? i can only assume he was diagnosed as A.D.D. or something because he didn't have the drive to focus on the menial tasks of homework assigned to him by his teacher, Ms. Wormwood. sure, he always came up with excuses, did what ever he could to get out of doing the work, or did what he thought would be acceptable (like giving the honest answer, "i don't know," to an entire set of questions assigned), but his sense of what was important to him always appeared intact.
this comic, obviously trying to make a statement, got me thinking about all the people that i know, including me, that may have have had a drive for something when young that was put to the wayside because of the ambitions forced upon you by a system that seems to want to create us all in the same image.
so what happens to the Calvin in us? why have the vast majority of us decided to take the pills handed to us? better yet, why are we being handed pills in the first place? i feel that the last one is easiest to answer, but then someone will start spouting conspiracy theories (probably me!).
but in all seriousness, seeing a comic like this disturbs me. (well, maybe a little less because someone else out there notices this problem and is using Calvin to make a point. i see it as a negative, but i don't know the authors purpose so i might have jumped the gun on my little bit of congruency with someone out there :P ) either way you look at it, there is something inhibiting the normal function of humanity: to follow your innate dreams and desires. i can only recall Calvin hurting one person following his ambitions, and that is Suzie but usually he got his just deserts! (learning consequences through failure... no babying there!) regardless, kids should play and there are too many things out there trying to stop them. grownups need to play, too. i strongly believe that growing up is learning to play responsibly... mom and dad shouldn't have to be there to tell you when to come in for dinner/bedtime/homework. you're on your own, take responsibility, not a pill. until then---

2009-08-12T16:12:00.000-07:00

thoughTs whIle StariNG at A WalL

first, i think that i love the way Elton John sings the word "funny." have a listen sometime.

second, Silversun Pickups (SSPU) rock my world. i just picked up Swoon, their second release and i'm entirely stoked to finally listen through. the first single was solid and is actually only the third single ever from an independent label (Dangerbird Records) to hit #1 on Billboard (a story on it here)
when we were in japan, glenn and i were toying with the idea of trying to court Dangerbird with our album once it gets finished. i think that they must be doing something right: SSPU isn't exactly the pop band that seems to be the norm to top billboard with solid songs that definitely breach the 4-5 minute mark that get radio play. please don't get me wrong. nothing can be taken away from SSPU's pure tenacity when it comes to doing their thing, but in a world where there are many great bands that will never see the stage the way SSPU does now simply because of how labels have generally ruined the music business, Dangerbird has managed to fly. until then---

2009-07-14T08:54:00.000-07:00

sunday was my bands first show back in the states after coming back from our month-long Japan tour. nothing says 'welcome back to the States' like a battle of the bands, right? well not only that, it was a typical LA/OC set up: crappy.
the way that most gigs go in LA/OC is what's called "pay-to-play". promoters try to hide it by just saying that you have to sell tickets to pay off what you owe. haha, "what you owe." it's funny that we owe money for providing entertainment! it was bad for us before, but now that we've been to a place where a venues entertainment is treated as such (with respect and with a real opportunity to make money, a SOUNDCHECK, thorough communication about the agenda of the show, etc.), we are even more disappointed in the way that things are run here in our home town by promoters that don't do much in the way of promotion...
it's not so much that things are run so differently from the business-side of things; the live houses do indeed have to make money. so many of them have a minimum ticket sales amount (10 was the highest we saw all month), and after that, rather than giving bands everything, they split the earnings evenly. you also pay after your show, giving you a chance to have your fans actually come to the venue and support you with out a band having to deliver all of the tickets in the weeks/days before the show or pay out of pocket straight away for your fans that are coming... it makes it more so that you don't have to know all your fans' numbers... maybe expanding your fanbase? (what a concept!)
the real battle now is the fight for change in these corrupted business practices. the music scene has gotten so bad here because of these money-grubbing corporate whores that have ruined it. they main problem is that they apparently don't care about music that won't make them loads of cash; i.e. sugar-sweet pop. (what those of us working really hard to do our own thing call "selling out". we were actually told to do this by the judges at the aforementioned battle... sad. also! they told us that this was the only way that we would make it in the music business! flat out! i was appalled, but it was news that i already knew about the state of the business, sadly.)
how do we affect change? pooling together those involved to force it upon those holding the infrastructure in place! we did a radio show last night at Flash Rock internet radio that made me hopeful. please check it out!
anyway, i'm not really sorry about the rant, but i hope that it was informative and not just stupid... like a lot of rants can be. until then---

2009-06-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

i've remembered why i often don't like taking pictures: i feel like i'm missing the experience/moment that i'm trying to capture. i now feel bad for photographers.

i've now had to try to explain "Why Japan?" enough times to come up with a good answer. This being especially since i can't just try to explain my fascination with the green versus gray that is so stark yet an obvious result of Japanese existence. (Southern California just doesn't get that sort of vegetation.) Basically, last night i was asked this question by another performer. i started with something simple, the train system, but knew he wanted more than that. i did, too, so i referenced his set of music (he had already played by then, and made the effort to translate what his songs were about for just us! too considerate!). one of his songs he mentioned was about the need for all people of the world to work as one. this is a common thread in all of Japanese culture and life. i explained that this idea of working for a greater good was something i admired and enjoyed living during my time in Japan especially since that is not a common threat in the States. he went on to say that this happens as an effect of imitation and no sense of individuality which is why he admires the US: 'you can do/be who you want, say what you want and not have the government or those around us bring us down.' (i didn't want to burst his bubble and tell him that the US is losing the battle of holding on to these founding principles, but assuming that we weren't steadily losing our constitutional rights, i completely agree with him. so i told him so!)
basically, we had an understanding of both sides of the coin: Japanese culture can achieve its "oneness" due to their ability to assimilate and imitate while the US's "freedom" and "individuality" make that same goal near impossible. and with all honesty, i see more possibility in individuals working as one no matter how difficult. but lately i just think that we're (the US) is headed in the wrong direction... until then---

2009-05-20T08:05:00.000-07:00

thOUGhtS While STaRing At A wAlL

...or while talking to my brother on the phone. we got into this conversation about nothing really important of course (pirating my band's new album that is soon-to-be-released), but somehow, the topic allowed for an off-the-cuff pirate v. ninja comment from me, which then led to a very "insightful" conversation:

we first discussed why have pirates and ninja become such a fascination with this generation? well, this generation of internet users in particular? our obvious answer is because they are generally all around awesome. but they are so often pitted against each other, like one has to be better than the other. i mean this isn't like the epic "who would win" match up that we get with comparisons of MacGyver v. Jack Bauer v. Chuck Norris. this has just become a battle of words with very little proof (i mean how many have seen either in action?).

yet, my brother and i were able to come up with some conclusions. because i stated that i leaned more toward the ninja camp due to me having seen more ninjas with my two eyes than pirates, we both were able to recall a recent pirate incident which proved their current relevance. awesome.

even though this did not solve the issue of which is better (i'm basically calling it even for me now), we then got into the thought process of what a pirate's purpose even was. we realized that although they plunder much booty, you've never heard of them ever spending said booty (those in the form of treasure, of course) especially since they take whatever rum (or other beverages... as to not stereotype, haha) from whomever they please as well as any other essentials for that matter. so, we decided, what separates pirates from a Robin Hood? the only difference we found was that pirates are more capitalistic rather than socialist: since they bury their treasure, they only bring down the rich, while not directly lifting the poor. either class has the chance to find the treasure as long as they are willing to put in the work for it. most white-collars would either send lackeys to find it, or just rely on their old tricks that have worked in the past to elevate themselves once again. but a blue-collar can dig, and will dig, to achieve his riches. until then---

2009-04-30T18:21:00.000-07:00

a comparison:

most of you know that i'm in a band, and even more of you know that we are currently finishing up with recording and mixing down our new album. in this process, having done some recording before and having friends/acquaintances that know much more about recording than us (including our current engineer, of course), we have run across some new technologies that are indeed crazy! some would even venture into the words "unfair" or "wrong" (some definitely being me). what i'm talking about mainly are these new pitch correction abilities that we have available to us in recording software (obviously digital recording). these will make anyone, i mean ANYONE, sound as though they can sing in tune. yeah, that includes those that can't sing, but are beautiful, "easily marketable" people that you'll see outselling every artist that actually spent time working on their art as a trade and a way of life. if i recall, there was a time when if you weren't good at something, you wouldn't get to do it as your job...
but here's my comparison: these new technologies, although they can be helpful in a lot of ways, have seemed to hurt us in more. let's take the two forms of entertainment affected by similar issues: modeling/acting and performing music. for a model, the person (product) has to be good as what they do. something we call "raw talent." the look, an attitude or whatever it is that attracts us to these type of people, they've got it. not the next step is to photograph them. this weeds out a lot of people that may have everything else but the ability to show it to a camera. that's just personality, folks. but the fact is with the new technologies, a last step has come into play: editing, which then allows all of the same people that didn't have the raw talent have a chance at taking away from the opportunities that the actual talented products could have had. makeup, is bad enough, but when you're taking a far skinnier body and attaching someone else head to it and then selling that magazine cover?! there is a huge problem! not only that it saturates the market and, therefore, makes it far more difficult for the consumer to weed out the good from the bad. (i believe that the big whigs don't want us to realize it anyway!)
so how does this compare to music? i'm sure you understand the idea of raw talent. i have run into so many great musicians along my journey that i'm flabbergasted at the prospect of most of them never being heard outside of the street corner, or coffee shop that i hear them in. next is connecting with the masses with a live show and/or recording that just does it. the problem comes into play with the recording technology making it impossible to know the good from bad. i don't understand how a musical artist can have an amazing recording and not be able to perform it live... (like they did in the studio?) again, the digital technology has allowed us to be able to spread music at a more rapid rate, but at what quality? and now, i ask, what cost? i know that editing an mixing has always been a large part of the recording process, but that is like makeup. you can sense the raw talent there... it's not someone else body.
until then---

2009-04-01T15:39:00.000-07:00

tHoUGhts wHile StaRIng at a WAll

disclaimer: this really has nothing to do with april fool's day. i promise.

an ethical question maybe. scenario: you're at work, and the day is winding down. you have hours before you're off but you are an efficient worker and have your deadlines all caught up. your boss comes in and tells you, "you can leave early today...," as in now.
here's the question: after that moment, you, the non-salaried worker, are stoked because you're leaving early, but should you be? since you are non-salaried, wouldn't that mean that you won't get paid for the time that you're not at work? does the boss do this just to save some money for the company and make him look good? or, since you've still gotten the work done that you had to in that day, and were scheduled to work from 8-5, you should not have to worry about missing a couple of hours and expect pay for a full day (i.e. your boss rules)?

until then---

2009-02-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

thOUGhTS While StarINg At a WALl

why the heck can't i find a video of President Obama's address to congress last night? it doesn't make sense that i can find almost every television show that i missed last night, but i can't find an untainted (no pundits) replay of the leader of the United States addressing the people we elect to represent us. the closest thing that i've found for far is a transcript and audio. although this is cool because it will work, i'm pissed. internets: where are you now when i wanted you to come through? *shaking fist*

until then---

2009-01-20T08:48:00.000-08:00

crap, i've neglected to post since last year. happy new year?
well it's been good thus far, but my purpose in posting has to do with this historical day in which the United States inaugurates its first black president into office. it falls on a day conveniently directly following a holiday celebrating a man that dreamed that one day this would be acceptable to all people alike... regardless of "race, color, or creed."
but this being that sort of day, i still look at this inauguration as i have any other: there's plenty of hope to go around, but the promises promised aren't up to the president to deliver. as the people of this republic, we have a responsibility to make sure that those promises are kept. this man we've elected has even stated himself (probably more eloquently of course) that he is just a man, and a man alone can do nothing, but with the will of the people we together can move forward to create change. the fact is, he's being placed into a system that doesn't favor change... which was his entire campaign platform. the problems that are now inherent in the system are what cause good people/politicians to fall away from their positive movements in society. these same problems cause me to think of inauguration as The Who states in "Won't Get Fooled Again":

And the world looks just the same
And history ain't changed
'Cause the banners, they all flown in the last war

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
No, no!

I'll move myself and my family aside
If we happen to be left half alive
I'll get all my papers and smile at the sky
For I know that the hypnotized never lie

Do ya?

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

There's nothing in the street
Looks any different to me
And the slogans are replaced, by-the-bye
And the parting on the left
Is now the parting on the right
And the beards have all grown longer overnight

I'll tip my hat to the new constitution
Take a bow for the new revolution
Smile and grin at the change all around me
Pick up my guitar and play
Just like yesterday
Then I'll get on my knees and pray
We don't get fooled again
Don't get fooled again
No, no!

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Meet the new boss
Same as the old boss

until then---

2008-11-26T10:11:00.000-08:00

has it really been a year?

honestly, to me it seems like so much has happened since then, it's ridiculous. wishing you all a Happy Thanksgiving... Health Tip: for the most pridefully, glutenous day of the year, that is; if you eat smaller portions throughout the entire day, you can eat EVEN MORE turkey. until then---

2008-11-13T17:52:00.001-08:00

i was tagged:

so, as much as these sort of things aren't my favorite things to do, i've been in a saucy mood lately... or maybe it's been boredom. here it goes:

1. i've done my own hair for about 4 years and i don't think it looks bad... i've even been asked by stylists (notice it's plural) "who does your hair?"

2. although i profess the Christian faith, i was christened/dedicated when i was very young, but i've not been baptized by a church/pastor in water by submersion. i simply don't believe it's necessary.

3. my dad was teaching me piano when i was 8. i learned enough to get by, but i hated the damn thing (i still have problems today, although i now wish i'd have learned it fully then) and naively told him, "you don't see pianos in a band!" three things from that: 1) i obviously have been chasing that dream for a long time, 2) i grew up in the 80s, like most anyone that'd be reading this... there were PLENTY of pianos/keyboards in bands!, and 3) after that, he handed me a clarinet...

4. i've broken into a girlfriends' mothers' house to get her textbooks for her, then had to walk back to school (about 7 miles) coz another friend drove his bug (not mine... mine was fine that day!) and it wouldn't start when we were rushing off coz her mom was coming home (there's more travel stuff, but it's not important... you can ask if you want to know)... we made it back to school just before the last bell - in time to find out i had been elected ASB president...

5. i voted no on 8.

my parents, and their siblings, etcetera didn't.

6. the late Don LaFontaine is my second cousin. by marriage of course.

7. i know that i talk a lot and i've begun to think that it's because i'm really insecure about myself. the more i know i know about myself, the less i know.

thank you, joy, for forcing this upon me ;P Grant and Christina are the only ones left that haven't been tagged that i know of... do it! until then---

2008-11-04T21:33:00.000-08:00

Why do I make room in my mind for such filth and nonsense? Do I hope that if feeling disguises itself as thought I shall feel less? Aren't all these notes the senseless writhings of a man who won't accept the fact that there is nothing we can do with suffering except to suffer it? Who still thinks there is some device (if only he could find it) which will make pain not to be pain. It doesn't really matter whether you grip the arms of the dentist's chair or let your hands lie in you lap. The drill drills on. - C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed, p 33.

after 3 weeks, i feel i'm actually at the point where i can truly let the drill drill on. until then---

2008-10-29T10:24:00.000-07:00

i voted today! yet another exhilarating experience. for those interested in how i chose to vote, here's a recap of my line:

yes
no
for her
for him
but not him... definitely not him...

until then---

2008-10-14T21:21:00.001-07:00

there are some days in which i hate my life.

yeah girl trouble again. it may really be over. until then---

2008-09-06T16:31:00.000-07:00

THouGHTS WhILE StArinG at A Wall

if we are to be an effective part, or better yet, leader of the United Nations, shouldn't the U.S. be a united nation?

until then---

2008-09-01T00:53:00.000-07:00

thoUGHtS WhiLe sTARing at A Wall

the drive home was absolutely silent.

after a day of busy eccentricities, his mind wandered, following the white lines on the asphalt as they flew past. he couldn't think of anything to say to her as she was equally silent and wasn't sure that he should speak. 'is that being selfish? am i just a prick?'

often times he knows that he can be this way to the dismay of many others. opinions come cheap to him but with a heavy burden on those around. 'i'll forgive him for that, but do i dare tell him so?' she only cares about losing him - 'there's no one better for me - if there is, i've no need to find out.'

getting out of the car he waves, "thanks for the ride" - the only words spoken between them for months lingered in the humid night air with no response.

until then---

2008-08-27T11:22:00.000-07:00

thOUGHts WhiLE StaRing AT a Wall

what if we started over?

"hello, i'm __"
"i'm __, nice to meet you." *smile*
it's a lovely smile and i feel attached to it already. her beautiful, blue eyes pierce my very being and send my mind whirling through thoughts of the future - house, cars, kids. but we're here. now. i have to remember that.
whatever past she carries is less important than the present. whatever future either of us thinks of is not now and should not be considered in getting to know her here. now.
it doesn't matter that we set this up. it doesn't matter that we do have a past... with each other. that's not important now. it's important that i still love her. that although i know the past, it's where we go from here. now.

until then---

2008-08-15T08:19:00.000-07:00

i know that it's bad timing, but i had to ask myself some questions last night and this morning that i wish that i didn't have to ask.
i received a wedding invitation in the mail yesterday from an old friend that i haven't actually seen or ever really in probably two years. not only that, we dated a few years before that so that seems like it'd be awkward, right? well let's just say that the beginning of our friendship from when we met in our junior year at a leadership camp at Pepperdine U. began with years of not seeing each other, but keeping contact. she's a musician, a great one at that, and we share much in common in that regard. the guy that finally caught her though, has to be a special gentleman... i thought that it would be impossible for this gypsy woman to settle down, but it seems she's found her match and i'm happy for her. in the handmade, personalized invitation (as a "passport" - highly appropriate...), she talks about the things that she and i talked about as we broke off our brief time together as a couple. she found someone that completes her as the other half. it sounds simple and obvious, but for people like us, to find such an extreme opposite to balance us is rare. sure, there are things that will find much middle ground and even things that the other will love that we'll have an ability for, but there's no way that we could love it as much. i read the invitation and just yearned for my girlfriend and i to be able to get pass the problems presented by her parents. i believe that that same bond that my friend has with her fiancee, i have with my girlfriend.
the reason this is so hard today in particular is that we celebrate four years (loosely) together as a couple. but for me, i'm beginning to wonder what it is that we're celebrating or what there really is to celebrate. for three of those years, she wouldn't tell her parents about her dating me and in this past year with her being more assertive towards them, still having no progress in her ability to truly commit herself to us, even as a dating couple. maybe i'm being conceited. i don't know anymore. but i've been at the point of not knowing whether when the question really comes up, if she'd actually want to become one with me in the eyes of God. i want to celebrate the happiness that we have together, but the cloud that looms is thicker than ever separating us from that happiness oh too frequently. again, i don't know, but when i think about what could be and then see what is, find it hard to celebrate and in these times regret being a realist. four years. wow. is that commitment so much to ask? until then---