Daves Blog

Test Blog

2009-04-04T08:57:00.001+11:00

YOOOOO

Here's a shitty fact

2008-09-02T14:36:00.006+10:00

DID YOU KNOW...

In the hour it takes me to drive to work, I could drive from where we were staying in Wanaka and be up at SnowPark with my boots on and on the chair lift.

And that is AFTER taking my morning bog.

Sydney isn't so bad at the moment, but I have only been back for 3 days.

Here are the only 2 decent shit pics I got of me snowboarding like a kook.

And

Um yeah.

I will put some more pics up later.

Eat a dick!

1152000 Seconds til NZ

2008-07-25T11:02:00.005+10:00

Thats right, well now it is 1151937 seconds.

We got Cardrona season passes only this year. There is a bit of a crew coming along and it is my wifes first proper snowboarding trip and it is going to be a cracker.

Didn't bother with a Snowpark Pass this time around. They were so expensive and to be honest, they didn't spend enough time maintaining the park the 90% of their customers used.

Other heads coming on this trip include nobbie and his chick who he is going to propose to. It is supposed to be a secret, but as if she is ever going to read this thing... as if ANYONE is going to read this thing. Nobbie also has a couple of mates from Canada coming along who are supposed to rip. Nobbie has talked these guys up so much that I am keen to ride with them and hopefully learn some stuff from them.

Nobbie talks himself up and he is shit, so I guess we will just have to wait and see.

Sergio (A.K.A. Consussion) is also coming along. He is staying for 3.5 weeks with Harri and myself. Nobbie and his crew are just heading over for a week. Losers.

This should be a good trip. I have an over priced under used camera which I am dying to bust out. I promise I won't take any arty / romantic photos, there are enough of them trendy cunts out there on the internet already.

Fucking pumped!

1151651 seconds

Time to start blogging again

2008-04-23T16:49:00.003+10:00

Ahh, it is great to be back, I have been "away" for quite a while, but I am back baby, I fucking back!!!

Ok, so I don't actually know what I am going to blog about, all of my "friends" have turned in to fat old cunts, actually, I have turned into a fat cunt also.

Maybe my blog should be about me trying to get on the next series of The Biggest Loser.

Hmm, who knows... one thing I do know... being a married man has changed me... I don't jerk off as much as I used to, but I think that may have something to do with the fact that I can't see my dick without the assistance of a mirror or camera.

Hmm, what else is there? Yeah, my business directory site, check it out at www.easybiz.com.au it is totally awesome. If you have a business, you should sign up for a FREE account.

Anyways, I am at work, so I better get back to it.

Trust me, check back for more of the same ole same ole goodness.

Mwah!

Hitting the big time in a little way...

2007-05-17T09:33:00.000+10:00

DING DONG!!! ROCK THE MOTHER FUCKING BELLS!!! 29th July NYC

2007-05-08T10:57:00.000+10:00

I am the worst impulse shopper / doerer of things ever.

I just orderd 5 General Admission tickets to Rock the Bells in NYC.

The show is on the 29th July and my mate Hugo and one of his friends will be coming along.

This means I have 2 tickets left if anyone else is keen.

I will be booking the flights in the next couple of weeks, I just wanna get one of them new fandangled credit cards which give you rewards points...

MOTHER FUCKIN' WOOT WOOT!!!

Rage Against The Machine
Wu-Tang Clan
Cypress Hill
Erykah Badu
Rakim
Mos Def
Talib Kweli
MF Doom
Pharoahe Monch
Immortal Technique
Boot Camp Clik
Jedi Mind Tricks
FELT
Living Legends
Brother Ali
Cage
Mr. LifGrouch & Eligh
Hangar 18
Blueprint and Lucky I AM
plus guests Public Enemy.
DJs incl. C-Minus, and Rocky Rock.

Hows this for a crazy idea...

2007-05-08T10:06:00.000+10:00

Hi All,

I am wondering if anyone would be keen on coming to a concert in the USA.

Now before you call me crazy, check out some of the clips from this link.

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=rage+against+the+machine+coachella

Rage Against The Machine reformed to play the Coachella festival. It was their first gig in 7 years.

They may or may not do a world tour, but I don't want to risk it. I reckon RATM are our generations Rolling Stones or The Beatles or whatever...

The festival is called Rock The Bells - http://www.rockthebells.net/index.html

I am thinking of going to the NY show cos I have never been there before but I think the SF line up is better... San Fran is awesome though and I will happily go there again.

I don't know how long, but I was thinking of going for but I was figuring about a week and a week and a half on the ground and we would need to add 3 days for flights.

A quick search shows flights on qantas for around these dates is about $2200 to San Fran and about $2300 to New York.

Please let me know if you are keen. I am going to buy my festival tickets today. I am actually going to buy 4 tickets incase people change thier mind.

The Dates are:

Sun 29th July in NY $90 for General Admission and $160 for "VIP" whcih includes free shit.

The line up is:

Rage Against The Machine
Wu-Tang Clan
Cypress Hill
Erykah Badu
Rakim
Mos Def
Talib Kweli
MF Doom
Pharoahe Monch
Immortal Technique
Boot Camp Clik
Jedi Mind Tricks
FELT
Living Legends
Brother Ali
Cage
Mr. Lif
Grouch & Eligh
Hangar 18
Blueprint and Lucky I AM
plus guests Public Enemy.
DJs incl. C-Minus, and Rocky Rock.

The festival will be hosted by Supernatural, Rahzel and Hi-Tek.

or

18th August in San Fran $80 for General Admission and $150 for "VIP" whcih includes free shit.

Rage Against the Machine
Wu-tang Clan
Cypress Hill
The Roots
Mos Def
Public Enemy
NAS
EPMD
Pharohe Monch
MF Doom
Murs
Immortal Technique
Jedi Mind Tricks
Hieroglyphics
Sage Francis
Blackalicious

Rahzel (Host), Supernatural (Host), Hi-Tek (Host), Mike Realm (VIP Talent)

Thanks and I hope to hear from you soon.

Dave.

Rage Against The Machine

2007-05-07T11:32:00.000+10:00

Coachella is a joke

2007-04-28T11:36:00.000+10:00

Ok, so I am standing in the middle of a polo field in the middle of the desert.

Not one fucking tree within 200m and I swear it is at least 37C.

I have been waiting for about 45 mins to get tickets to get in. The water bottle I had is now empty, the one I had in my back pack is hotter than piss and there isn't really anywhere to get a cold bottle from... Well nowhere near anyways... My arms, neck, legs and face are burnt to a crisp and sweat is trickling down my back, into my ass crack and down to that spot between your ass hole and your balls. Not nice at all...

Guess what... There is still another 2 hours to wait before we will be anywhere near the front which is where we collect our tickets.

Wait, I should actully say that there WAS a 2 hour wait... I actually left the group of people I was with and told them to give away my ticket for today if they could find someone to take it. Yep, I got the shits and fucked it off for today.

Now, I wasn't always this bitter... I was actually really impressed with the whole set up at Coachella... the way the camping area was laid out was intelligent, the porta-loos were cleaned every 3 hours or so and they even gave away free bottles of water.

Yesterday we had to wait for about 45 mins to get in to the camping area which was bad enough... They gave us our camping ticket, but not the tickets to get in to see the band.

Today, when we decided to brave the heat and actually go in and see the bands, we asked one of the schmucks where we needed to go pick up our tickets which we had purchased and paid for online some months ago and he pointed in what we thought was the right direction... Not so...

After lining up for about 30 mins, we were disappointed to find out that everyone had their tickets... We had to join another queue. Where was that other queue?

At the end of a line which was no shit, about 200m long and about 2m wide in some places.

Now, like I said, up until this point, everyone was saying it was the most well organised festival any of us had ever been to. But now it pretty much pissed everyone off to no end.

I was lucky, I honestly don't give a fuck if I don't see anyone apart from Rage Against The Machine. Sure there are other people I would LIKE to see, but I am not going to be spewing if I don't see them.

Everyone in my group wanted to see a band that started about 45 mins after we started lining up and they missed them... then there was this big gap with all these shit bands that none of them cared about.

Me? I missed Evil 9 and a couple of others.

Right now, I am about to log off and go watch a movie.

Fuck that queue, fuck the organisers and fuck the desert and the sun, heat, sweat, sunburn and dehydration associated with it.

I swear tomorrow I won't be such a little bitch... that is if I don't have sun stroke...

El Bulli, THE FUCKING BEST RESTAURANT IN THE WORLD!!!

2007-04-26T00:29:00.002+10:00

Oh the Joy!!!

As most of you know, I was the luckiest cunt in the world and I won the most AMAZING prize ever, a Trip around the world to eat at 4 of the Top 5 Restaurants.

These are seriously places that are harder to get into than a... [ DELETED BY EDITOR - come up with your own perverted shit ]

We might as well start at the top, pepople usually do it in reverse order so you have to read all the boring stuff to get to the good stuff.

My sister and I flew from London to Barcelona in Spain. From there we jumped in a hire card and drove about an hour and a half north to the Tourist town of Roses. Not a bad place, but apart from get drunk and try root French and Spanish chicks, I don't know what you would do there.

Except eat.

The beaches are shit (if you like to surf), there are heaps of English tourists and the internet cafes are third world...

About a 15 minute drive out of Roses is a restaurant called El Bulli, you can check out their website at http://www.elbulli.com

This is what Wiki has to say about them:

El Bulli is a restaurant run by chef Ferran Adrià in Roses on the Costa Brava in Catalonia, Spain. Restaurant Magazine has judged El Bulli the World's Best Restaurant three times - in 2002 and 2006 and most recently in 2007. The restaurant has a limited season from April to September; bookings are taken on a single day in the previous January.

Like I said, this place is Officially THE FUCKING BEST RESTAURANT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!

So what makes El Bulli so special?

Try the fact that you probably never have and never will eat there. It is only open 6 months out of the year.

I attribute this to simply one thing: Being the best restaurant in the world must be hard work, and staying on top requires a lot dedication, stress, research and development, innovation, experimentation and failure (I am sure everything they try isn't a brilliant success).

Oh, and I also figure it has something to do with the fact that the Spanish are lazy cunts and close their businesses for half the day for Siesta, so if you are the best, why not close it for half the year... Not scientifically proven but highly likely.

Ok, so the drive in. Like I said, it is about a 15 minute drive out of Roses. There are cliffs and shit and curves and little narrow roads and views and whatever. All very nice. And then!!!

Sorry the picture is so shit, I didn't know what to expect and we drove around the corner so I just stuck my camera out the window and pushed the button.

Unfortunately this picture sums up my experience at El Bulli... It is all a bit blurry except for the bit at the front (the start of the night).

So we get there and I take a heap of crap pictures:

The first thing they do when they get there (besides some how magically knowing which language you speak and saying hello to you) is ask you if you would like a tour of the kitchen.

Now this isn't any ordinary kitchen.

To begin with, there are 14 Chefs... that is like 13 more chefs than most restaurants you will eat at!
Second, it is immaculiate! This means there isn't any grilled cheese left in the breville maker, none of the dull stuff on the shiny stuff that you have to scrub to get off, and none of that black stuff in the corners of the floors (you know, them hard to reach places...)
And finally (and almost shockingly)... It doesn't smell like food. I mean it does smell like food, but not like any "normal" kitches which will smell like burnt oil.
Oh, and they have a bull head in there. No, not a real one unfortunately...

So once the tour of the kitchen is over, they sit you down to a table and every table has a red rose inside a glass thing. I was gonna try nick it for Harri (chicks love flowers) but I didn't remember to.

Our waiter comes over and he explains that there are 35 courses on the menu for the evening. It is 8:30pm by now... How long is this going to take???

The wine dude comes over and shows us the wine list... It was more like a directory than a list. Broken up into countries and different Varietal and Blends, I think it was about 149 PAGES (yes, PAGES!!!) thick and containing about 1616 different types!!!

Lizzy and I have no fucking idea, so we just get him to suggest something and he starts us off with a white wine. It was alright, Lisa hated it, so I ended up having to drink the whole thing whilst we ordered Bro another bottle of something different.

Anyways, I have to finish this thing or I will keep going for ever.

So wine is ordered and now it is time for food.

First off, I just wanna say that your parents are full of shit! We had 4 courses of food and we used our fingers for every single one of them. All that crap about knowing how to use a knife and fork so you can eat in nice restaurants in bullcrap.

First was an Olive that was incredible, you put it in your mouth and it just melts. It was full of warm oil or something, and I can imagined the experience would be something like having someone cum in your mouth. If you are a guy and fortunate enough to be able to reach and suck your own knob and do it to yourself then you know what I would be talking about!!!

Then there was some other finger food which was really interesting and this other stuff which looked like it had gold plated alimininum foil on top... You know when you get them lollies which are a bit by their used by date and the foil won't come off but you eat em anyways? Sorta like that but way nicer.

There was this popcorn thing which was about the size of a big hubba bubble bubble that you can blow from about 3 squares. My poo the next day smelt more like this than anything else.

After that was Rasberry with Wasabi. The wasabi wasn't very hot though, but it was an interesting combo.

We then had an Oyster soup thing. That was cool... I normally like Oysters Kilpatrick so the wostershire sauce and bacon kills the flavour of the Oyster, but this was ok.

Then there was this beige stuff with these brown specs on top.

By this time, I had had about 2.5 glassses of wine and I hadn't eaten for about 9 hours cos I wanted to savour the taste of the food. So I am a bit drunk.

The best thing of the evening was probably this Crab meat hamburger. Maybe I was just drunk and wanted something which was more substantial than a rasberry with a bit of wasabi on top? Regardless, this was one of the standout things for me.

One of the wierdest things was this sea weed and froth thing that they made. Yep, sea weed and froth.

So that was a bit wierd, and now we are fully getting a bit drunk. Here is a photo to prove it:

Why is he getting drunk? Sorta intentionally, but not really...

They fed us brains. Lamb brains to be precise. You know that scene in Indiana Jones where they eat the monkeys brains? It was sorta like that but different.

There were three brains on each plate and I ate all three of mine. This is how I got through it:

Brain #1 was just put in mouth and quickly followed by a mouthfull of red wine. Sorta got a taste and a feel for the outer texture, but not really
Brain #2 was put in mouth, chewed once, gag suppressed and followed up with a half mouth full of wine. Got more of a feel for the taste and inner texture, but still cheating quite a bit...
Brain #3... Ahh... Ok, so this one, I was like like "fuck it, can't come all the way to Spain to eat at the top restaruant in the world and not taste everything they put on your plate". So I put it in my mouth, chewed it about 4 times, gagged, swallowed, imagined it was like the Olive/cum experience but lumpy, gagged again, smiled at the people at the table next to us, wiped the tears from my eyes and then after about 15 seconds had a glass of wine. Yep, a glass of wine.

There was other stuff, which was nice, I am sure there was some Lamb in there and some more Crab meat and this Incredible fake soup thing which was delicious too. But we had been eating for about 4 hours and we had somehow managed to drink 2.5 bottles of wine between 2. I was closer to 1.8 bottles of wine cos I had to drink the shit first one on my own.

We met some cool people on the other tables who were just as excited to be there as us, we traded stories (ours was by far the coolest) and we scabbed a ride back from these Spanish dudes.

Oh, and my fucking credit card didn't work. What a mother fucker. It was SO embarassing. I went to pay for the food and they were like "Ahh, your card isn't working", I was like "It should be, I made sure I had money on it incase I went a bit crazy with buying wine".

I reckon they were shitting themselves going "How is this cunt gonna pay for this 600 Euro meal?"

How funny would it be to be the first person in the world to do a runner from the Worlds Best Restaurant?

Fortunately my Arm's credit card had money on it and we were able to pay with that.

I called Westpac and asked them why my card wasn't working (mind you I was pretty fucking durnk and pretty pissed off cos it was VERY embarassing) and they didn't have an answer, so I established (yet again) that all banks are scum and I hate them.

Fucking funny shit

2007-04-14T23:26:00.000+10:00

Its been a while I know, but golly do I have a fucking cracker of a post for you all today!!!

Today my sister and I are in Barsthelona, Spain and today we were walking around and discoverd a second hand clothes shop...

I found 2 classic pieces which I am considering using as a basis for next years ranges, but I need to know what you think.

The first could work really well, but I think I need to grow my hair long, grow some side burns, get a big belt buckle and have sex with my cousins before I can really feel like I am actually living the part...

But I honestly believe that this second piece is just FAB!

I think the fabric is just so versatile and the colour looks just great on. I was thinking of doing undies in this material just because I think they will be a smash (around Mardi Gras)...

Next Stop: SAN-FRAN-CISCO WOOT WOOT!!

Dinner?

2007-02-28T11:18:00.000+11:00

I ate at Tetsyuas (http://www.tetsuyas.com/index.html) last night and had the set menu (http://www.tetsuyas.com/page/menu.html)

Below is my review of the place to a friend who asked me what I thought

Sandy says:
    Hey Dave,
A.K.A. Dave says:
    hey
Sandy says:
    how was the restaurant
A.K.A. Dave says:
    IT WAS THE BEST!!!
Sandy says:
    really. was it a set menu
A.K.A. Dave says:
    Yeah, I am going to try and not poo for 3 days just so I can keep the food in me longer
Sandy says:
    that is sooo gross
Sandy says:

    i'm so glad we're at that level where you can tell me about your poo

Chick/Nob/Retard/Girlfriend/Wife?

2007-02-14T14:45:00.000+11:00

Yep, guess who got married!

I did.

"Holy cow!" I hear you all say, "he doesn't blog for a couple of months and comes back married? What the hell is going on?"

As you probably know, I have been seeing a girl, the progression of the relationship went something like:

Chick > Nob > Retard > Girlfriend > Wife

A pretty natural progression if you ask me, seems right and feels right... Awwww

Here are some photos. There were some pretty hot chicks there, erm, not that I was looking... but my wife definitely took the cake in the beauty stakes... hmmmmm steaks...

My Beautiful Wife

My Secret Weapon - Alcohol!!! "Drink my love, it is good for you..."

Our Wedding dance

Plenty of desperate chix at this wedding

Me, my wife and her folks

MC Father Jaroslav on the Mic

"Throw your hands in the air and wave em like you just don't care..."

Heapsashithashappened

2006-11-09T13:55:00.000+11:00

Howdy fuckers,

Hope you have all been well whilst I have been gallavanting around the globe eating at some of the best restaurants in the world. It has been a while since I last blogged and so much has passed that the details are now so blurry (from shit memory, not from alcohol) that I can't possibly give you an accurate account of what has happened.

"Bah!" I hear you say, "you haven't let lack of memory get in the way of a blog entry in the past!".

This is true, but the difference is alcohol memory loss is different to just straight up forgot memory loss and therefore one is allowed to blog whatever one wants in a state of hang over. Infact, the rules dictate that the truth hath no revelance (or place) in a blog fuled by alcohol fumes, hair and clothes reeking of cigarette smoke (and maybe spew or kebeb or both) and an empty stomach crying out for a bacon and egg roll.

Whatever.

A quick round up of my trip includes:

Business Class Flights
Shoebox Hotel rooms
Loss of 2 Hugo Boss and 3 business shirts worth about $3,500 on the London Tube (that was my sisters accident - oh well, shit happens)
Eastern European Strippers
One Pound Coins
Getting slapped by above mentioned Eastern European strippers
Chasing straight chicks in gay bars of Soho
Sneaky lines and drinking binges
13 hour flights next to fat cunts who are SO fat that their fat legs push the arm rest into your legs and their ams hang onto your side of your seat
Havinig your bag swiped for traces of explosives (I didn't even look like a terrorist cos I had a fucken shave even... that dude was a hater)
Being locked out of my apartment
Coming back to Sydney to make websites for the next 5 months so I can buy my place in NZ (eventually)
Hanging out with a pretty cool chick who is a nob/retard - but thats half the appeal really
Spending way too much money on food and booze
Eating at Tetsuyas - Sydney - The 5th best restaurant in the world. Fucking amazing, I am actually taking above mentioned chick/nob/retard there cos I like her so much.
Eating at Gordon Ramsey - London - The 14th best restaurant in the world (yep, it is the restaurant of the only cunt in the world who swears more than me)
Signing up TWO (yep, thats 2) new designers for the 2007 winter stuff.
Actually motivating Anth to get off his fat ass and write a couple of songs (See my Frustration at Fucks blog). I am going to give his music its own blog page.
Going halvies in a classic Cast Iron Victorian Bath Tub with chick/nob/retard/girlfriend.

Um, that is it, going to actually post a couple of blog posts cos I have been so slack.

I love you all... very much.

I'm going to The Top 5 Restaurants in the world on Monday

2006-10-19T17:06:00.000+10:00

You heard right, I'm going to them. AND I don't have to pay a single cent for the privellege.

I am leaving on Monday 23rd October.

Yep, thats right. You probably won't believe me, but I honstly am.

You see, I won a comp which was run by Penfolds Wines...

The story goes as follows:

My sister was having a bad day at work (man... how many times have I told this story...), anyways, My sister was having a bad day at work and I decided to take her out for dinner at this Cafe in Leichhardt that we always go to. It is called Cafe Jolly. The lady who runs the place (Annie) is lovely, you should go check it out, good food, generous serves, excellent service and great value for money.

So yeah, I meet my sister and she was stressed so I was like, I'll get a bottle of wine and we can just relax and pig out and not worry about it and she was like "sure".

So I go across the street to the Royal Hotel and there is a bottle shop there, and I got a bottle of Penfolds Koonunga Hills Shiraz. About $15 if I remember correctly. Anyways, I back to the restaurant and put the bottle on the table and open it and go to throw away the thing that is around the neck of the bottle and she grabs it out of my hand and asks what it is (like how she grabs it out of my hand AND THEN asks what it is). I told her it was some dodgy SMS comp thing that noone will ever win and to not worry about it.

Anyways, she convinced me to enter it. Her and I have Vodacunts phone accounts and we were on one of the high value caps and we never reach the limit and she pointed out that "it wouldn't cost us anything and who gives a shit we might actually win it". I wasn't buying it, but to humor her, I decided to enter, but only until our entrees arrived (we hadn't orderd yet).

So we enter the bar code and do all the shit we had to do in the SMS and we start sending the messages and she is telling me her story about what her boss has done to piss her off this time and we were having a comp to see who could re-send the message with the least amount of key presses (my Sony Ericsson VS her Nokia). We both got it down to 4 presses each from the outbox and with the number stored in our phones which was:

Menu > Forward > Down (first name in address book) > Send.

I fire off about 10 messages before the Tomato Bruschetta with Pesto arrived, so I gave up and focused on the food. The whole meal, my sister was on Auto Pilot sending messages, I was too busy focusing on the Polpi Salad and Garlic Prawns entrees and a main of Lamb Cutlets on Mash with Spinach and this delicious sauce (I will get the details next time I am there).

So after the dinner, I bid my sister adieu cos I was working heaps at the time and it was gonna be at least a week before I saw her again.

So I didn't think anything of it again. The next day my sister was like "I don't have the bar code number, can you send me the SMS again so i can send more today at work" and I was like "AS IF WE ARE GOING TO WIN!!!!" but she didn't care and neither did I so I forwared it to her.

THEN I didn't think about it again.

Until THAT phone call...

"Hello, is that David *****"
"Uh, yeah, hello, this is him, how are you? Whos this?"
"My name is Nicole from ******, David, I have a couple of questions for you?"
"Sure, shoot"
"David, did you buy a bottle of Penfolds wine in the last few months?"

Ok, my heart skipped a beat and I was like FUCK OFF, no way, it can't be!!!

"Uh, yeah, at least 15 in the last couple of months I reckon"
"Oh, excellent, I have some great news, you are a provisional winner in a Penfolds comp"

So my hopes sunk a bit, a provisional winner, shit, on what provisions, I might not have won the main prize, but shit, a couple of bottles of wine would be good...

"Oh, sweet, what are the provisions?" Notice how I didn't ask what the competition or prize was?
"Well, do you have a proof of purchase from between the dates of (whatever the dates were)"

FUCK! I don't keep receipts for wine or other booze cos I can't claim it on my tax, but she didn't need to know that "Ahhh, I am sure I have one somewhere, I will have to have a look at home" (knowing full well I throw them out but one may have just ened up in a pocket somewhere).

"Ok, excellent, well see if you can find one and get back to me ASAP"
"Sure will do, sorry, what was your name again? What is your number?"

I got her details then I announced to the office I was contracting at "I think I just won a Holiday around the world to the Top 5 Restaurants in the world!"

So basically it was a mad rush to try and find a proof of purchase for a bottle of wine.

I started rining everyone "Dude, do you know anyone who owns a bottle shop or works in one or know someone who does?" No shit, I called about 25 different people... people I don't even like I made concessions for and called.

Ahh, to no avail... I thought I was well and truly fucked. So no joy with other people, I told my boss at the time "dude, I gotta go sort out this proof of purchase shit, might be back today, might not" "Sure dude, no worries" Chirs Pile at The Farm (www.thefarmcreative.com.au) is an awesome guy and they do really good work.

So off I go from the Surry Hills office. Thank chirst I didn't have a parking fine (we all know how fucked the parking officers are in the CBD) and home I headed.

I pretty much turned my house upside down looking for anything that said I paid for a bottle of Penfolds wine between whatever the dates were.

Nothing.

I was officially starting to stress out cos my chance of winning the prize of a life time was slipping out of my grasp. I eventually had the idea to look at my credit card statements to see if there was anything on there.

BINGO!! There was a purchase for $28 or whatever it was from Liquor Land and I remembered the exact purchase. I had spent about $250 on groceries and I thought "fuck it, I want a decent bottle of wine to go with my dinner"

So I got a bottle of Penfolds Bin 128 Shiraz. It wasn't bad.

So I ring up Broadway Liquor Land and I speak to the guy who answers the phone and the conversation went something like this:

"Hi, my name is David, I think I have won a holiday worth $20,000 and all I need is a proof of purchase for a bottle of wine that I purchased from there. I have my credit card statement here with me and I know I purchased a bottle on one transaction, would it be possible for you to give me a copy of the recipt. I understand it might be a bit of work, but I would really appreciate it if you could help me out, like I said, think I have won this holiday"
"Nah, can't do it, it will take too long, sorry."
"But I have my transaction, surely you guys must be able to look it up, it is for a holiday that I think I have won, please, is there anything you can do?"
"Nah mate, can't help ya, like I said"
"Nothing?"
"No"
"Hmm, ok, thanks" (you cock sucker mother fucker, I hope a box of beer falls on you head)

So I was officially past worried about not winning the prize, I had the proof of purchase, I just needed the proof of proof of purchase.

What do you think I did? Go on, guess...

Yep, I called Coles Meyer Head office down in Melbourne and I spoke to the Public Relations deptartment. You know I did. That conversation was a bit more fruitful...

"Hi, my name is David, I think I have won a holiday worth $20,000 and all I need is a proof of purchase for a bottle of wine that I purchased from a Liquor Land store at Broadway in Sydney. I have my credit card statement here with me and I know I purchased a bottle on one transaction, would it be possible for you to give me a copy of the recipt. I understand it might be a bit of work, but I would really appreciate it if you could help me out, like I said, think I have won this holiday. I spoke to the guy at the branch, but he said there was nothing he could do, I was just wondering if you guys could help me?"
"Oh congratulations sir, that is so lucky. Of course Coles Meyer would be more than happy to do anything you need to get the proof of purchase, especially cos you got it from a Liquor Land store. Do you have a pen and paper? Ok, my name is ***** and my number is ************. Now just go back to the store and speak to the same gentleman and tell him Head Office said he has to do whatever it takes to get you a copy of the recipt and if he has any questions what so ever to give me a call. That is my direct number!"
"Oh really? Thank you so much, that is amazing."
"Enjoy your trip sir"

NO SHIT ENJOY YOUR TRIP!!! WOO HOO!!!

So I go down to Broadway shopping center and I walk into the Liquor Land. The place is empty, and the scum bag in there looks at me like I was a scum bag and I say:

"Hi, my name is David. I called you about 25 mins ago. As I mentiond on the phone, I think I have won a holiday worth $20,000 and all I need is a proof of purchase for a bottle of wine that I purchased from there. I have my credit card statement here with me and I know I purchased a bottle on one transaction, would it be possible for you to give me a copy of the recipt. You said on the phone that you couldn't help me and I didn't believe you so I called the Coles Meyer head office and spoke to ****** and she said that you have to look up the proof of purchase and if you have any questions at all then to give her a call, here is her number" as I handed him a piece of paper with the ladys number.

Ok, so he wasn't impressed. But fuck him, he wasn't doing anytihng and he didn't have to do too much. He asked me if a written receipt was ok and said sure, so he prints one out for me and afterwards I was like "Oh, you couldn't put it on an official Liquor Land letter head?"

Understanably he was a bit pissed off at me and gave me a very short "No". I didn't care.

So anyways, I call back Nicole and i was I have a receipt, it is a bit dodgy, but if you need a better one, just let me know" and she was like, "I am sure it will be fine, just fax it over" which I did in a heart beat.

So I didn't hear from her for about 40 mins.

Was something wroing? Was the receipt ok? Maybe it was too dodgy! I am gonna go sit on that guy at Liquor Land!!! Man I wish my sister would stop messaging me on MSN ever 2 minutes and calling me and asking if I have called Nicole back every 5 mins.

So eventually I gave in to my sisters persistent pressure and I called Nicole:

"Hi Nicole, it is David again, sorry to call you back again, I was just wondering if you got the fax I sent wtih the proof of purchase?"
"Oh, let me just check" about 20 seconds later she comes back "Yep, it is here, just give me a chance to have a look (mumbles to herself for about another 20 seconds then says) Ok. It all looks good. Congratulations, you are the winner of the Penfolds comp!"
I go "NO! Don't tell me I've won"
She says "But you don't know what the prize is yet" and I was like
"But I have only entered one compertition... Don't tell me I have won?!?! Please tell me I've won it!!!"
"Well what do you think you have won?"
"The food one to the Top 5 Restaurants in the world?"
"Absolutely, congratulations David!!"
"NO, STOP IT, I HAVEN'T!! I HAVE!! STOP IT! NO WAY HAHAHAHA"
"Yes way, and yes you have, do you wanna know the details?" and she rattled off the details of the prize... I don't remember the details, but I remember hearign the words BUSINESS CLASS FLIGHT, FIVE STAR HOTELS, TOP FIVE RESTAURANTS, LONDON, SPAIN, SAN FRANCISCO!!!

WOO HOO.

So yeah, this happened back in May, and I have been snowboarding in NZ for the last 4 months and I am leaving on Monday. My sister and I were supposed to stay in the UK for 5 mothts cos we can extend our stays in each place, they just pay for the set amount in the prize, and then we were to go to Spain and the US.

I have been conned in to coming back to Sydney to work for 5 months, so i will be spending 5 days in the UK and they flying back to Sydney to help finish Phase 2 of the website you are now visiting and to also help in AFL and NRL and Bigpond Sport.

Pretty crazy story hey. I am pumped!

Well I have better get back to work I guess... I will take pics and post em up here.

Frustration at fucks...

2006-10-07T21:33:00.000+10:00

Ok, so I am officially back in Sydney.

Man, I realised why I was so happy in NZ. My fucken useless friends weren't there.

Fuck they piss me off. They are talented and funny cunts and all their dicks are smaller than mine BUT they are fucken useless.

Tavis is the first fuck I am going to name and shame.

He is tall and skinny and has good hair (unlike my arab inspired black thick shit hair).

He hasn't had a job since fuck knows when and I he is always sitting at home on his computer jerking off to internet chix. Now nothing wrong with that, we have all done it at some stage, but fuck man, I am only in Sydney for 2 weeks, lets go out and run a muck fuck ya.

No shit, I have called this fuck at least 4 times since I have been back and every time he is at home and won't leave cos he is a fag. Sorry to my fag friends out there who read this (Mark and Glen - mwah x), it was either call him a fag or an arab. Unfortunately I am half arab and I wanted to distance myself as far away from him as possible, so fag it is.

I owe him $1100 and I have decided I am not going to give it back to him until he comes out if not to get drunk, to at least get fat (eat).

You can send him a "Get off your arse you fucken fuck" email to

Next is Anf a.k.a. Anthrax a.k.a. Tampax

Tampax is short, Italian and has no hair... unlike my arab mop which I would gladly donate half of if we can just figure out how to make it stick on his head.

I dunno where to start with Anth. He is fucken brilliant, he is left handed, but at least he isn't a Chilean like Ammo.

Anth is very talented musically and can play heaps of instruments and shit. Used to be in a moderatly sucessful hardcore band called Drawback, but they split up cos they are all useless cunts.

I swear, anything Anth puts his mind to, he can do (except kick flips). He hasn't had a job for 6 months and has just been kicking it at home. Now in all fairness, I can't really dis him too much, his mums cooking is fucking brilliant, but the cunt shoulda come to NZ for 3 months if he wasn't doing anything.

And don't try getting the cunt to leave his house, fucken forget about it, he is almost as bad as Tavis, but Anf has the excuse of his mums cooking. Tavis' mums a wierdo and she never cooked... well for him anyways.

You can send Anth a "You aren't as bad as Tavis so there is stil hope for you yet you lazy fucken garlic eater!" email to muchgore@hotmail.com

I am over it, I am actually going out with Simo tongith... a former useless cunt who is actually on the road to recovery.

Simo is a designer and a drunk.

No, wait.

Simo is a drunk and a designer. He just finished 3 or 4 years of study and beinig a fucken bum. He is also newly single so ladies (or my fag friends) if you are up for some cock, drop simo a "Yo, I heard you got a job and prospects and blue balls and fucked up half asian mop hair, hows about a root" email at simondavidson@hotmail.com

He is still fucked but.

Do I actually like any of my friends? Hell yeah, Ikka (the most amazing generous guy you will ever meet), Nobbie (he is a fucken Nob but still a nice cunt), Sergio (a.k.a. concussion), Archie (always up for a feed), Dan (who is in the UK and I will be seeing heaps of soon), Matt (who is always up to go look at boobies at either Mens Gallery or Pure Platinum) and Reece whos is another tall cunt but up for laughs.

Um, thats it.

I am a useless cunt too, but you all know that if you have ever read this blog. You can send me a "you are a fuckwit, not to mention a half arab, half pom, homophobe, fat fuck with stupid hair who hasn't had sex in 4 years" email at you_are_a_fuckwit_not_to_mention_a_half_arab_half_pom_homophobe

_fat_fuck_with_stupid_hair

_who_hasnt_had_sex_in_4_years@memberclothing.com

Who's coming out?

American Flag Re-design

2006-10-01T18:38:00.000+10:00

Because of all of the bad press the Americans have been getting all around the world, I have decided to do them a favour and re-design their flag for free.

No I have used the stars and stripes as a base and just gone from there, tell me what you think.

Before

After

TAXI DRIVERS MUST DIE!!!

2006-09-30T05:40:00.000+10:00

MOTHER FUCING TAXI DRIVERS!!!!

You know what... I don't give a fuck about em... You can print that anywhere you want!!!

Hows this!

I was a bit drunk right, I caught a taxi home and I was sending a text message to my really good girl friend and I got distracted by McDonalds, and I literally got out of the taxi and it drove off and like 2 seconds after it drove away, I realised I left my phone in there and I called it from my friends phone and like literally a maximum of 50 seconds after I realised from my friends phone and it rang out twice and then I called it a third time and it was switched off!!!

You know what! When I hear about taxi drivers getting bashed or dying or whatever, I am not going to give a fuck... I used to feel sorry for the cunts, I used to round up to the nearest $10 EVERY TIME I caught a taxi, you know what, never again... I honestly hope a taxi driver dies every night from today (30/09/2006) until when ever... They are fucking cunts, they are like arabs, you can't trust the cunts, and if anyone knows, I do cos I am half arab.

You know what, if you see a taxi driver getting bashed and you have the opportunity to stop it, DON'T!!!

Let the cunt get bashed... If anything, I would say go help the cunt who is doing the bashing smash the cab drivers head in.

They are lower than scum, I hope they all fucken die, I don't give a fuck if my dad is one, they are dogs who deserve everything they get!!!

Fuck man, and to think, I try to be generous to them every time and always round up and shit.

If you are a Taxi driver... I don't give a fuck, you have all been painted with the same brush... You reap what you sow you fucks. Die and rot in hell and I hope you die a slow and painful death, every single one of youse, I don't care about you or your family, infact, I hope every single one of you (and your families) get AIDS!!!

I am drunk but meh... Fucken cab driver fucks... Birds of a feather die together!!!

Aoraki: A pretty fucking special place...

2006-09-23T18:36:00.000+10:00

My friend and I stayed in Mt Cook. At the Hermitage Hotel, Room 818. The view was simply amazing.

The pic above is from the drive from there to Lake Tekapo.

I will add more later, the place I am at has a crap internet connection.

We had a party on Monday (bit late I know)

2006-09-15T16:53:00.000+10:00

So we had a party on Monday night.

As usual, we got drunk. Very drunk.

Someone fell asleep.

We took textas and tape to his body.

I wrote a Haiku about it. If you can come up with a better one (which shouldn't be hard) leave it as a comment.

Haikus have 5 syllables in the first line, 7 in the second line and 5 in the third line.

There was a party.
Someone got drunk, he slept.
We got out the pens.

Check out our handy work.

WOO HOO!!! Jeno is coming to NZ!!!!

2006-09-08T22:15:00.000+10:00

Awesome news fuckers.

I spoke to Jon Jensen today and he said he is coming to NZ and could be here as early as next weekend.

I also spoke to Dean Hammer, who also said he might be interested in heading over for a week or so to hopefully get some photos for us for next years Ads and catalogue.

I think Nugget (from Digital Snowboarder) is coming over also, so hopefully we will get some stuff in there... who know eh.

In the mean time, here is a photo I found of Jeno from a couple of years ago... maybe 2003 or something.

Enjoy.

It's a Bird, It's a Plane... It's a Car???

2006-09-07T21:07:00.000+10:00

If you were standing at the bottom of the first cliff on the SnowPark road yesterday afternoon, you would have probably said something to this effect.

Nanny, one of my flat mates, is only new to driving and her car isn't the easist thing to drive and lets face it... she is a woman. She can't drive for shit.

She was up at SnowPark yesterday and had to go to work or something and was driving down the hill alone. On the last hairpin bend coming down the hill, she lost control of the car and did a 180 and went over the side of the hill. Backwards.

Now I don't really know too many details (because I don't listen when people talk 90% of the time) but from what I remember, apparently when the car stopped, she got out, climbed up the hill and hitched back up the hill to where her sister and friends were and told them the news.

She is SOOOOOO fucken lucky to be alive aye.

Check out the pics :)

From Bad to Worse...

2006-09-06T10:03:00.000+10:00

Ahh, my last blog was titled "A crap week for snow"... I was gonna call this one "Another crap week for snow", but the truth is, we haven't had any more snow... infact, we have only had more rain and almost 15 degree days.

I went up to SnowPark on Sunday and Monday, and it was fun, but it was very soft to begin with and it basically just go wetter.

The people in the Big Gay House are already talking about leaving NZ if we don't get more snow soon. I am guessing some won't have a choice as businesses will start letting people go or just reduce shifts to one day a week.

It is a bit of a shame that there is every chance the season will end on such a low... It has been an awesome season though, an even if it does end prematurely, I think I will stick around here until early October anyways just cos I really don't like Sydney that much. I could also head to the North Island and check that out, or even check out Canterbury and Mt Hutt and some of the club fields around there.

I am bummed hey... I really like it here, and I am 90% sure I will be back next season (unless I Mandy Moore wants me to be her BF, in which case, I will have to see what she wants to do).

I think I need to sacrifice my liver to Mother Nature or God or Huey or Allah or Buddah or Tom Cruise and get really drunk and make a fool of myself and take lots of pictures of it and post them on here as the offering for snow.

If that doesn't work, at least it will have been fun.

Jonas also got me a photo of him Skiing, so i decided to do a bit of photoshop work on it. I think it turned out mad, I wanna turn it into a flash game or somethiing, but I don't know flash, so if someone wants to dedicate some time, let me know eh..

Hmm... Might have a moustache party...

What a crap week for snow

2006-09-02T08:35:00.000+10:00

Ok, so this week has been fun, but it hasn't done the snow any favours.

Um, up on the hill I would say the temperature at SnowPark has been about 7 degrees. There has practically been a river of water running along side the road at the top of snowpark because so much snow has been melting.

IT JUST FUCKING STARTED RAINING here in wanaka. Shit!

It isn't even cold here. I have been turning my heater off at night and I am wearing t-shirt and shorts right now. This is fucked.

For the last 4 days, the wind has been blowing at just about gale foce for most of the day and still blowing pretty strongly during the night.

One thing that is good is that I don't think the snow have been re-freezing completely solid at night, so the conditions have been soft to start with and then getting progressively wetter and slower. Fucked for snow, good for trying new shit cos it doesn't hurt so much when you fall.

Last season was absolutely shit house. The season before last, they were still getting snow in November. Hopefully this is just a bit of a set back. There is still over a month til the season officially ends.

One good thing though, I have heaps of web development work on at the moment, so there is no point in going up the hill, so I might as well work.

I am going to be heading north for the winter, so I will finally get to go riding in some massive hills and hopefully get some more really good powder days cos I have only had 3 really good powder days here in NZ.

If I have so much work, then why am I blogging? Yeah, I wanna work heaps I think... Can't wiat.

Hurry up and snow dammit!!!

So two fuckwits walk into a bar...

2006-08-30T23:09:00.000+10:00

A.K.A. Dave says:
Dude

A.K.A. Dave says:
I'm a mad half arab terrorist, half pommy geezer

A.K.A. Dave says:
swear to go

A.K.A. Dave says:
d (god)

boomstix says:
to allah

boomstix says:
or are you a christian arab?

A.K.A. Dave says:
me too

A.K.A. Dave says:
yeah

A.K.A. Dave says:
is that good or bad

boomstix says:
christian ones are good. muslim ones are cunts

A.K.A. Dave says:
Nah, that is just propaganda and shit from the news :D

A.K.A. Dave says:
you shoulda seen these fucks

A.K.A. Dave says:
it was fucked

boomstix says:
do i need to read your blog?

A.K.A. Dave says:
I don't wanna blog it cos I don't wanna seem like a fuck

A.K.A. Dave says:
I will tell ya

A.K.A. Dave says:
I was at Shooters

A.K.A. Dave says:
and there is this chick called ****** who I know from around town

A.K.A. Dave says:
she is cute

A.K.A. Dave says:
anyways

A.K.A. Dave says:
tongiht

A.K.A. Dave says:
we were out getting YOOOOOO, I sang at karaoke hahahahaha

I sang Rebel Yell by Billy Idol cos Toby from Rock Star inspired me hahahah

boomstix says:
you were getting shot down at shooters. haha.

A.K.A. Dave says:
dude

A.K.A. Dave says:
listen to the mother fucken story

boomstix says:
ha

A.K.A. Dave says:
hehe :D

A.K.A. Dave says:
anyways

A.K.A. Dave says:
****** were talking and all of a sudden, she grabs my hand and takes me to a secluded corner of the bar where no one was and starts kissing me, I was like WHOA!

boomstix says:
ok im listeneing

A.K.A. Dave says:
so anyways, we are getting hot and heavy for like 5 mins and then one of her friends grabs her and is like "come with me" and off she runs

boomstix says:
toootally

A.K.A. Dave says:
I am standing there like "hmmmm, okaaaaay"

A.K.A. Dave says:
then two guys walk up to me

A.K.A. Dave says:
no shit, they would weigh 40 kgs combined if they were wet!

A.K.A. Dave says:
then the mother fuckers are like (and this is verbatim)

A.K.A. Dave says:
Them: Who are you man

A.K.A. Dave says:
Me: Huh?

Them: Who are you, do you know this chick

M: Yeah, its ****** , I have known her for like 3 months

T: Yeah, well she is going out with him (and points to one of the dudes)

A.K.A. Dave says:
M: Huh? I had no idea (and you know me dude, I don't start shit)

T: Well she is going out with him

M: Well sorry dude, I didn't know

T: Well we have a problem

A.K.A. Dave says:
(raised eyebrow)

boomstix says:
HAHA

A.K.A. Dave says:
M: We have a problem?

boomstix says:
i think ****** has the problem

A.K.A. Dave says:
T: yeah, we have a problem

A.K.A. Dave says:
M: Ok, are you sure?

T: Yeah man, he is going out with her, theres a problem

M: OK MOTHER FUCKER, IF WE HAVE A PROBLEM, PLEASE COME OUTSIDE, YOU AND HIM, RIGHT FUCKING NOW AND TELL ME HOW MUCH OF A PROBLEM YOU HAVE, YOU MOTHER FUCKERS WANNA GET UP IN MY FACE AND I HAD NO IDEA???

boomstix says:
.. ooh ho ho ho ... wish i was there ...

boomstix says:
hahaha

A.K.A. Dave says:
T: Sorry man, we didn't know

M: YOU DIDN'T KNOW??? FUCK YOU YOU DIDN'T KNOW, YOU WANNA STEP TO ME AND GET UP IN MY FACE AND TALK SHIT, FUCK YOU, LETS GO OUT SIDE!!! BOTH OF YAS

A.K.A. Dave says:
Then I was all gangster like HAHAHAHA

boomstix says:
you wanna step to me yo?

A.K.A. Dave says:
I was like, if you wanna step to me, don't even talk, just punch on, where I'm from, people don't even talk, they just punch on blah blah blah

A.K.A. Dave says:
badly

A.K.A. Dave says:
I swear I said that

boomstix says:
hahahahahaha

A.K.A. Dave says:
fucking funny as shit

A.K.A. Dave says:
then I walked outside

A.K.A. Dave says:
and my flat mate was like

boomstix says:
W H O A

A.K.A. Dave says:
big T: So whats the situatuation??

T: No no man, we didn't want to start no fight, we just wanted to let him know that she was with my mate type thing

A.K.A. Dave says:
LMAO

A.K.A. Dave says:
Big T just told me that later they were like
T: Fuck that shit man, he can just have her

A.K.A. Dave says:
I didn't even want to start shit, I was just non confrontational, you know me, I don't wanna fight no one

boomstix says:
um it looked like you did ..

boomstix says:
you need to get a blowie off her for that

A.K.A. Dave says:
and big t was like "you should just stay here til he calms down" and they were like "what,he has a problem calming down??"

A.K.A. Dave says:
dude, I don't even like to fight

A.K.A. Dave says:
at all

A.K.A. Dave says:
the last person I had a fight with was my brother

A.K.A. Dave says:
and that is what got me kicked out of home

A.K.A. Dave says:
I don't fight cos I see red

A.K.A. Dave says:
they were up in my face and the fucking wind would have blew them over

A.K.A. Dave says:
even if they weren't, I would have been like "Fuck you, do I even know who you are?"

A.K.A. Dave says:
I dunno

A.K.A. Dave says:
I feel like a cunt, I walked past em on the way out and didn't even look at em

A.K.A. Dave says:
I feel slack

boomstix says:
dude .. when someone says "we have a problem" .. that's basically saying that want to sort it out somehow

A.K.A. Dave says:
so fuck em?

boomstix says:
with fisty cuffs usually. its a fucking threat, and they can clean the skid marks out of their daks now

boomstix says:
you dont walk up to someone who is twice your size and say "we have a roblem" if you're not expecting to have to fight about it

A.K.A. Dave says:
dude, I was honestly like "sorry man, I didn't know"... and they were persisitent so I was like "fuck you, lets sort it out then if you wanna get in my face and I have already apologised"...

boomstix says:
exactly

boomstix says:
fuck that .. its ****** 's problem .. you should have said that. its not you were fiucking holding her down or anything

A.K.A. Dave says:
well that is what I though, maybe cos there was 2 of them they thought I would have been scared... My fat ass could have squashed like 6 of em if I sat on em and I wouldn't have even noticed...

A.K.A. Dave says:
totally

A.K.A. Dave says:
she was humping my leg

boomstix says:
ouch

A.K.A. Dave says:
fucken spewing

A.K.A. Dave says:
hehe

A.K.A. Dave says:
but I feel bad for them cos I made em look like fuckwits for acting like fuckwits.... ok, so I was a bit drunk and I was up for it, but I can still feel like a fuck right?

boomstix says:
nah man. get over yourself

boomstix says:
yeah maybe i guess so, but not for too long

A.K.A. Dave says:
but honestly, I don't know either of em, so how the fuck was I supposed to know

A.K.A. Dave says:
fuck em

boomstix says:
you are bouund to run into them again, and you can have a nice adult conversation with them about it

boomstix says:
dude, that officially needs to bein the blog

A.K.A. Dave says:
yeah, and I won't be a semi drunk cunt about it, but at the same time, I am sure they will see that I wasn't in the wrong and if they still have a problem then I am more than happy to help them resolve any issues

boomstix says:
heh. exactly.

A.K.A. Dave says:
Ok, I will paste this conversation cos I couldn't be fucked typing it