that's what she said...

yes. it's true.

2009-02-08T21:23:00.000-08:00

i actually posted.
not here however.
here.

enjoy.

p.s. i'm working on my comeback. don't worry...it'll be spectacular. i'm thinking monkeys in costumes...

happy holla holla holla holidays.

2008-12-24T13:49:00.001-08:00

hi. it's me.
some of you may have forgotten about me during my pregnancy-induced blogging hiatus, but i thought i'd pop out wish you all a very merry christmas from me and mine.

(check out santa. rough right? we should have gone to the bass pro shop.)

now. because i am very proper and like to follow all the rules and protocol pertaining to holiday traditions, i will now continue with the ever interesting family update section. enjoy!

dear friends, loved ones, "that's what she said" readers and blogstalkers,

merry christmas!! well 2000 and 8 has come and gone, and to be honest most of it is a blur. i'll blame hormones on that, because well...i blame everything on hormomes and i probably will until i am post menopausal. then i'll just blame my insanity and crankiness on old age. anywho. since you're here let me give you a little run down of the haps in the grant house.

in 2008 jason has: finished a few more semesters of law school, tivoed over 5 million sports events, studied, read big fat law books, studied some more, read, studied and read.

jaime has been busy: getting spit-up on, cleaning up spit-up, being glad the 9 straight months of spitting up were over only to find out a month later she was pregnant. again.

jaxson has: started preschool, perfected saying the word mom at least 4034 times a day, memorized the first 4 articles of faith, and has managed to put holes in every pair of pants he owns. (see picture above)

parker has been: spitting up, not spitting up, learning to walk, refusing to talk, not sleeping thru the night, calling everyone dad, throwing tantrums and watching yo gabba gabba.

so that it's for us. check back next year to see to exactly i am handling raising 3 boys while my husband finishes law school and takes the bar. (don't worry. i'll be medicated) it should be good a time.

oh expletive.

2008-12-11T15:35:00.000-08:00

from the comment section of my last post: " I do think it's possible to legitimately blame lack of writing on pregnancy-there's only so many negative posts you can write before you're afraid of yourself. And it's hard to be cheerful with all those extra hormones."

and there you have it. maybe that's why i've been in such a blogging funk lately...every time i want to blog about something, it's usually to complain. and although i pride myself on being "real", i don't want to be a real downer. i mean, it's christmas after all. if it were june, you'd be hearing from me more often.

but...

i have something to say (complain about). so dear readers, it is my prayer that in the spirit of this magical season, you will embrace my negativity and bah humbugness and know that i am coming from a very hormonal place. (see? blaming pregnancy. so awesome.)

i hate gingerbread houses.
i always have.
since elementary school.
when it comes to crafty projects, i am a perfectionist of sorts. i have martha issues. so in the 4th grade when my graham cracker house wouldn't stand up straight even with the support of the milk carton, i swore off the gingerbread house forever.

well. this year, my well meaning and festive mother, decided it would be fun to send her grandchildren a gingerbread house "kit". one of those all-inclusive, pre-baked, as good as brick and mortar, legit gingerbread houses. the "ultimate" if you will.

ultimate? ultimate pain in the backside is more like it.

after a rather lengthy construction process (5 hours), and icing debacle (or 2), and a few hateful words (as in "i hate this dumb gingerbread house")...this was the result.

well. that's my side.
i'm not proud of that people. martha would be so disappointed. it looks nothing like the one on the box. i fail.

once i accepted that this gingerbread house was doomed to mere mediocrity, i granted jaxson artistic licence for his side of the house.

lovely.
p.s. see the frosting on his face? ya. i might have put it there after he mentioned that "jesus would be sad if he heard you say you HATE gingerbread houses mom." geesh kid. could you tone down your self-righteousness a bit...you're giving me a complex.

however, he did redeem himself when he decided to turn his side of the roof into a plinko board.

all of this creative madness would have been a bit more manageable if they would have included some decent candy. at least then i could have taken out my frustrations on some cadbury holiday chocolate balls.

in case you miss me.

2008-12-06T21:51:00.000-08:00

apparently, i have nothing to say anymore.

not a dang thing.

as usual, i blame pregnancy. (don't you love that? you really can blame anything (an.y.thing.) on being pregnant and everyone buys it AND feel sympathy for you. suckers. it's fantastic.)

but for realz, i'm pretty sure pregnancy brain is the legitimate culprit this time.

that or i've just become increasingly boring as i age.

pray for me.

and a baby makes 3

2008-12-02T20:54:00.001-08:00

it's official.
i'm having another boy.

but it's ok. cuz i make hot boys...if i do say so myself.

photo courtesy of this fine lady.

woah. slow your roll.

2008-11-08T19:39:00.000-08:00

well. a lot has happened since halloween hasn't it? geesh. i've been dying to blog about it all, but a week-long viral case of pink eye, teething, visitors, and the stomach flu have really wiped me out. but never fear dear reader, here i am...ready to blog about the state of the union. brace yourself.

in case you haven't heard, barack obama is now the president elect. am i disappointed? eh. i kinda figured it would happen. i've been mentally preparing myself for weeks. i am at peace with it. i'll be even more at peace with it when i start getting my stimulus checks from the prez. cuz really...who i am to turn away a hand-out from the federal government? i say, let socialism ring!

but i have to admit, no matter how much i dislike obama's policies, i was completely moved by his victory. i know by now it's all been said...the historical significance, yada yada yada. but honestly, it was historic, monumental, and as the mother of a biracial child, i was proud to know americans are moving beyond the barriers of the past. i was even touched by jesse jackson's tears during obama's acceptance speech...and i have real issues with jesse jackson. but knowing the man marched with martin luther king, spent his life fighting for civil rights, and now has lived to see a black man elected to the presidency...i figure that was an amazing moment for him. so you go jesse jackson. you go.

next item of bizznezz: prop 8

wow.
wow.
well. it passed. i'm sure you've heard.
i know people who don't live in california were uber surprised at the outcome. after all, we californians are know to be a bunch of progressive hippies. but honestly, i wasn't that surprised. sure, those opposed to prop 8 made their voices heard thru a gazillion t.v. ads and the many-a-celebrity endorsement...but the ground effort in support of prop 8 was amazing. people from all denominations joined together to go door-to-door, make phone calls, and wave signs on street corners. people put countless hours into helping this proposition pass. and it worked. so awesome.

and now, while i'm giving props to the supporters of prop 8, i would like to give a special "that's what she said" shout out to my husband, who impressed me this week with his bravery and his willingness to stand up for what he believes is right.

jason attends a very (very) liberal law school, and quite a few students and faculty members are gay. over the past few weeks, there was a rather large push by a club at his school, to get people involved in voting no on prop 8. fundraisers, booths, speakers...etc. so jason, feeling the other side was not being represented, decided to host his own informational booth about prop 8.

although he knew it would be a very unpopular stance, he rallied his troops (all 5 of them) and made his position known. i was so so so proud of him. cuz i would have been scared out of my mind to sit there, across from the "no on prop 8" people, and be willing to take whatever they might dish out. oddly enough, he received a lot of compliments admiring his willingness to take a stand as controversial as it may be.

so here's to you jason: the man who doesn't like to call to place the order for pizza, but will happily stand up for his beliefs amid a sea of controversy. awesome.

i've gone on long enough peeps. but stay tuned for my next post, when i express my complete horror over the violent prop 8 protests that are going on across the state. cuz it's so awesome to beat up mormons when 52% of california voted to protect marriage.

too much candy's gonna make you sick.

2008-10-31T21:01:00.001-07:00

happy halloween from the cast of yo gabba gabba.

i know. i'm insane.
oh well.

it's a 1 with two zeros behind it.

2008-10-26T21:43:00.001-07:00

it's my 100th post.

when i told my husband the news he said, "make it a good one babe. a classic."
ya. that's not gonna happen.
i just don't have it in me anymore. lately, i can't complete a thought, carry on a meaningful conversation, or stay awake past 10 pm. as usual, i will blame the hormones that are ravaging my body in order to sustain the life of my growing fetus. dang hormones. i hate you.

but never fear dear reader. to honor my 100th post i would like to list the top 100 things i have learned from blogging. brace yourself.

100. participating in the WIC program while your husband is in law school thereby forcing you to live off of $21,000 a year in the 3rd most expensive city in america makes you a socialist. it's true. someone named "anonymous" told me so.

99. one can not give too many shout outs. everyone likes a good shout out.

98. it is possible to make some seriously fantastic friends via blogger. cuz let's be honest. striking up a convo in cyberland is way easier than all that face-to-face awkwardness.

97. capitalization and proper punctuation is totally unnecessary and highly over rated.

96. david hernandez googles himself after his performances.

95. when you confess your mothering faux pas on the www, people will lie and tell you what a fantastic mother you are. and even though you know they are just being nice, it will make you feel much better.

94. it doesn't matter how many times you rip on kristie lee cook, she will still get a record deal.

93. posts on politics get people crazy.

92. most every person you know from high school who has a blog, is super duper happy, has the bestest husband in the whole wide world, and loves loves loves being a mommy. and for some reason every one of those blogs make you feel like a big fat loser, just like you did in high school.

91. finding validation through comments is a double edge sword. there's nothing like a 2 comment post to really wreck your day.

90. no matter how witty or fabulous you think your own blog is, chances are it's not that great.

hmmmm. i think i'll stop right there. my blogging insecurities are starting to emerge. and we all know there is nothing more unattractive than an insecure blogger.

anyways. here's to 100 posts.

it's been a real blast.
(that's what she said.)

a post script.

2008-10-21T23:25:00.000-07:00

i love my family.

they are not stupid in anyway. in fact, they are some of the most informed people i know.

we just have a some very different opinions about politics and what is best for america.

but i still love them and think they are some of the best people in the world.

that is all.

goodnight.

let's talk politics...for realz.

2008-10-20T14:53:00.000-07:00

hey. i don't have much time, so this will be brief. (please lower your expectations of receiving a quality post....lower. nope. lower. a little lower. there. that should work.)

i have bad news. really really bad news.

people (meaning more than one person) in my family have already cast their vote for obama.
(by early ballot.)

when i heard about it i almost threw up. cuz really family? a liberal socialist? i thought you had standards.

they have their reasons. none of which i find persuasive. and let's be honest. although i am highly disturbed by my family's state of mind (delusional), i still love them.

i hope they enjoy their higher taxes.
cuz it's all about spreading the wealth. it's your patriotic duty ya know.

next topic:

prop 8.

honestly. i can't wait for novemeber 4th so we can put prop 8 to rest. cuz i am really getting tired of being called a bigot for wanting the definition of marriage to stay as it is.

i could use this blog as a forum to discuss all my thoughts and feelings about prop 8. but really i think its all been said. i could argue about it all day (cuz i'm feisty like that) but i know that for every argument i make their are a million rebuttals. i've heard them all. i respect them all. and i can see both sides. i really can. but i am voting for prop 8 because i think protecting marriage is that right thing to do.

now. here's a little video that illustrates exactly how i feel.

(how awesome is dan's hair?)

so that's that peeps.

happy voting.

and please don't leave me mean comments about my political views. my hormonal state of mind can't take it.
xoxxoxoxooox

a touching episode.

2008-10-08T19:29:00.000-07:00

oh man. i have had a day.
a
federally-funded,
"heavily" insulted,
low-blood sugar,
accidental ingestion of claritin (parker),
no-diaper wearin',

absent husband,
let your kids watch 2 baby einstein dvd's in a row just so they'll sit still,
kind of day.

which may explain why i teared up today during an episode of arthur, when binky barnes wrote his mother a thank you note after having a dream about what his life would be like without her.

oh well.
at least i finished this killer pair of pajama pants...

simple pleasures.

i'm a real chump (a belated shoutout)

2008-10-01T22:14:00.000-07:00

"you know babe, i think blogging is kind of losing its luster for me," i explain to my husband. "i'm just not feeling it right now."

"ya." he replies, "you didn't even give parker a birthday shout out."

OMG!!!! i didn't even give parker a birthday shout out.
exit feelings of nonchalance, enter feelings of immense guilt and shame.

if you are a loyal reader of "that's what she said", you know how seriously our writing staff (me) takes the shout out. we love the shout out. we love taking a moment to shine the spotlight on someone else for a change. send a little love their way...you know what i mean?
it's how we do.

so now, without further ado, a belated "that's what she said" happy 1st birthday shout out to my little parker.

dear parker,

do you remember this?
ya. me neither.

but i do remember this:

and this:

and many other scenes just like them.

admittedly parker, the first 6 months of your little life were among some of the most difficult of my life. not that i wasn't pleased as punch to have you around...but post-partum depression and a constant stream of spit-up really got to me.

but now...oh parker...how things have changed.

now that you have stopped barfing up the entire contents of your stomach every 10 mins, you seem to be a much happier boy. (fancy that...) a sweet sweet baby who loves to give kisses and flash a killer smile every time i walk into the room. always the adventurous child, we love to watch you push your limits and wonder what you plan on doing next. even your fits are entertaining kiddo. remember that time i wouldn't let you hold the bagel i was sharing with you? boy oh boy. your dad and i just laughed as we watched you throw yourself on the ground screaming for a good 15 mins. hahaha. hopefully the coming years will bring more rational and logical reactions. we shall see.

anyways. here's to you parker, for having one of the most notable personality changes of the year. well maybe the 2nd most notable. i think lindsay lohan might have you beat.

happy birthday babes. we adore you.

love,

me

if i were a superhero...

2008-09-24T20:37:00.000-07:00

my superhero name would be "fertillia". my mission? to multiply and replenish the earth single handedly. "impossible", you say? hahahaha, not for fertillia, the goddess of conception.

i'm pregnant. again.

surprised? ya. me too.

"you should be more careful", my mom chides. "i guess you guys just have to be really vigilant," says my dad. "what the crap? are you nuts?" gasps my sister.

i tried. i really did. after parker was born i gave birth control pills a try. round 3. round 1 and 2 made me nutso. round 3? yucky tingly sensations all over my body. me and the pill. we don't get along.
so then i turned to the beloved IUD. went to the doc. got all the lovely test. and then was informed that my insurance wouldn't pay for it. "you can still get one. but it will be $600." um. no thanks. we'll just be careful. (now you can pay for my baby. suckers.)
and careful we were. swears. this may be t.m.i. but i have only been "careless" 4 times in my life. this is my 3rd pregnancy. super powers people. super powers.

(seriously. it's a good thing i wasn't promiscuous in college. think of all the babies daddies i could of had.)

now. to answer all of your burning questions:
yes.
of course i am excited. kinda. well. more like overwhelmed. really overwhelmed.
dunno.
may 1st.
he is.
no. we haven't had our 2nd anniversary yet.
absolutely.
i feel fine. just fat and tired.
19 months apart.

nine.teen.months.apart.aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
lovely.

and so it begins.

2008-09-15T20:44:00.000-07:00

what is more awesome than preschool crushes? not much if you ask me.

i still remember the name of my preschool boyfriend. heath. he was tall. i was taller. it worked. we did all the fabulous things that preschool lovers do. side-by-side swinging, a game of chase on the playground, the occasional playing house with me as the mother and he as my husband. and i'm pretty sure he picked me every single time he was "it" during duck duck goose.

after preschool i lost track of my-guy heath. but then in 5th grade he moved into our neighborhood and back into my life. sadly though, he came back sporting black shoes with black socks. and shorts. i was crushed. and horribly embarrassed for him. either i had become much more style savvy in the years we were apart, or he had just stopped caring. either way. black shoes, black socks & shorts? nope. no can do.

nevertheless. the point of all this reminiscing?

i am proud to say my preschool aged son is being pursued by some ladies.
and i feel good about it.

because nothing is cuter than watching little girls giggle as they try to hug your son during story time and hold his hand during circle time. so. dang. cute.

tonight at dinner i decided to put my feelers out there and do some probing.
"jax. what if one of the girls in your class wanted to be your girlfriend?"
"ugh mom. i'd say 'no way. i don't want girlfriends.' "
"is that polite jax?"
"oh. i mean i'd say 'no thanks.' "

that's my boy.

too far gone.

2008-09-11T20:52:00.000-07:00

so. i was working out at the gym in my complex this morning (i know. gasp.) and i had the pleasure of watching 4 tvs at once. well. i actually was only watching 2. one was the local lame news channel, so that one was out. and another was the history channel. i think they were featuring a show about prehistoric weapons of war. while prehistoric weapons of war can be extremely intriguing (snore), my attentions were focused on the other 2 sets.

one tv was on the E! channel. where at 7 am you can see half naked chicks and hear fascinating conversations about whether brittney is finally making a comeback. this morning's uplifting program was "sunset tan", the deeply moving reality show about (you guessed it) a chain of high class tanning salons.

on the other tv was CNN. albeit not my favorite national news channel, a good one nevertheless. of course today being 9/11, most of this morning's newscast focused on the various memorial services being held around the country to honor those who had lost their lives in that horrible attack 7 years ago. however, there were other news stories as well. the horrible string of hurricanes that have ripped apart caribbean islands. the dismal state of the economy and employment in this country. and of course the upcoming presidential elections. (go sarah!)

as i did my time on the elliptical, i was humbled by the contrast on the 2 tv sets. on one set i was following the drama of a young man who had been called "gay" by a co-worker, when he so clearly had a girlfriend of a year. i mean really. how dare she. that's probably the lowest blow ever. and boy. did he let her know. in a series of bleeped out expletives, he promised to hit her, spit in her face, and ruin her career. he even rallied a little army of tanned-skinned, blond-haired, fake-boobed, 20-somethings to back him up. this was serious business peeps. drama to the maxx.

and on the other set i watched images of people, gathered together to honor those who had lost their lives 7 years ago today. 7 years ago. wow. in so many ways it feels like just a few months. days. hours... when i stop and remember 9/11/2001 it seems like everything around me just freezes and i can literally feel the memories of that day. feel the shock. feel the horror. the pain. the tears. the uncertainty.

but then i glance over at the other tv set. and i am back to 9/11/2008. back to a place where so much time, money and energy is focused on who's-who in hollywood, which diet is the most effective, and who called who gay on sunset tan. ugh. what happened?

lately it seems like i am constantly hearing another story about a tragedy that has befallen a friend of a friend of a friend. a cancer diagnosis, a lost child, a life-threatening accident. over and over i am reminded of how precious life truly is and how much we take for granted. or at least how much i take for granted. i want to get back to the moments where i can see the big picture. where i care about big things. things that matter. easing the burdens of another. reaching out. where i feel that deep need like i did 7 years ago to do something. anything. to help.

i want to be back there and i want to stay.

p.s. sunset tan? ahahahahahahahaha. blah.
p.p.s. for any of you who are judging me...that was my very first viewing of sunset tan. it may or may not be my last...

you know you're pathetic when...

2008-09-10T08:46:00.000-07:00

your 4 year old is at school, your 11 month old is napping, and you and your husband are still watching yo gabba gabba.

and singing along.

man. i really love that show.

let's do it. a-break-it-down.

the anatomy of the beard.

2008-09-07T22:39:00.001-07:00

upon meeting/seeing my husband, people (mostly women) ask, "so. how do you like the beard?" to which i reply, "i love it. in fact i encourage it. love the beard. love it."

in an effort to answer this question once and for all, i will now be presenting a small picture montage entitled "the beard. who needs it? i do." (catchy title don't ya think?)

when i first met my husband he looked like this:

pretty cute huh? i thought so.
then we started dating. he didn't have a "real job" and so he embraced the "scruffy-i-don't-have-a-real-job" look. which i also enjoyed.

see? look how much i am enjoying it.
then we got engaged. and everyone kept asking "geez jas. are you gonna cut your hair and shave for your wedding day?" and i kept suggesting that he go ahead and cut his hair, but a close shave was out of the question.

you can see who he listened to. still pretty foxy, but i missed scruff. what can i say? my celebrity crush is david beckham. i like 'em scruffy.

anyways. post-wedding day, my husband aimed to please his new bride and bid adieu to the close shave.

yaaaaaaaa. suit and beard? classy.

well. fast forward to a few weeks ago. as you can see, things had gotten a little out of hand.

woah.
for the first time since we'd met, i decided it was time to encourage a shave.
now. what does any good man do when he has that much facial hair to manicure? beard art. that's what.

this look lasted a few days. gross. i couldn't look at my sweet husband for a full 2 days without laughing/gagging/thinking of the bad guy in the animated feature film "open season."

then we moved onto this:

which i felt much better about. but still... not really what i was looking for.

no worries peeps. now, we're back to this:

which i feel good about.

and so. the beard. do i like it? as long as it is well manicured and doesn't remind me of a 70's porn star...then yes. yes i do.

*all further beard inquiries will be directed to this post* thank you.

an open letter to sarah palin.

2008-09-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

some of you may remember back during the republican primaries, every so often i would use this blog as a forum to express my political views. but ever since my-man-mitt dropped out of the race, i haven't had much to say. nothing has really lit a fire in my heart the way mitt did. ( i miss you mitt). that is until last night. enter sarah palin. exit my political depression.

dear sarah,

let me begin by saying killer speech last night sar. killer. clever. insightful. inspiring. down-to-earth. just all around fab.u.lous. i like your style sister. and i even like the way you grit your teeth when you are talking about something with particular force. it really drives the message home while highlighting your sparkling, beauty-pageanty, pearly whites.

i know ever since you were announced as the vice presidential candidate people have been talking smack about you. i guess you knew that would come with the territory. but you're tough. you can take it. for heaven's sake sarah, you hunt moose and live in alaska. and i bet during the winter you don't even shave your legs do you? so.hard.core.

now sar. can i be honest with you? you know i love you, but i have to admit i kind of agree with the people who say you should stay home and take care of your family. but hey. that's me. staying home or being a working mom is really a personal decision. most of american women do exactly what you are doing every single day. so don't let them hate on you. you seem to be a respectable woman who loves her children and tries to instill good values in your home. i mean, i can think of a whole slew of women who shouldn't even be allowed to procreate (pamela anderson), but nobody is judging them for having kids and working outside the home. (denise richards)

and please don't let lindsay lohan get to you. honestly. who is she to talk about your pregnant teen daughter? if you'll remember, it wasn't all that long ago she was a crazy crack head. the way i look at it once a crack head, always a crack head. or at least once-a-super-spoiled-child-star-turned-lesbian-cocaine addict, always an awesome political pundit.

and of course there's p.diddy (a.k.a. puff daddy, puffy, just diddy, sean combs) and his dizzying rotating video blog. hahahahahahaha. no black people, crack heads or crime in alaska? oh diddy. diddy.diddy.diddy. you so crazy. and ignorant. i'm sure obama is thrilled to have you on his side.

now sarah. about bristol...i felt so bad for her last night knowing that every minute the camera was on her and her unwed baby bump she was being judged by some punk a liberal. the attention on your daughter must be killing you as a mother. some are criticizing you for "putting her out there" so to speak. but i think that your openness and acceptance of the situation is the most loving thing you could do as a mother. to me it says "hey. i love my daughter. i may not agree with what she did...but i am not ashamed to acknowledge who she is and her place in our family. even with all of america watching." nice move sarah. nice move. i know some mormon ladies who could learn a lot from you.

i've gone on too long sarah. but i just wanted to let you know that we at "that's what she said" fully support you and your run for the white house.

godspeed.

love,
me.

p.s. your skin is flawless. how do you keep it moisturized in the harsh alaskan winters?

p.s.s. john mccain kinda creeps me out. alls i'm saying is watch your back sister. watch. your. back.

just stop. geez.

2008-09-03T16:01:00.000-07:00

in an effort to "stop following satan", i'd like to take a moment to dish out a little gratitude. cuz nothing gets me out of a funk better than reflecting on just how good my life is.

i am grateful for: a sweet and happy 4 yr old who knows how to put his mom in check (in the politest of ways), and forgive her when she falls terribly terribly short.

i am grateful for: afternoon naps. for me & the kiddies.

i am grateful for: a husband who shows his love by shampooing the carpet, getting rid of old rugs, cleaning the bathrooms, and picking up some tulips...all while i was out of town.

i am grateful that: i haven't had to use a burp cloth in almost 2 weeks. seriously.

i am grateful for: jack-in-the-box oreo shakes. they make a bad day oh-so-sweet.

ahhhhhhhhhh. better? of course. life is good and i am blessed beyond belief. no complaints here.
thanks for reminding me.

from hormones to hell.

2008-09-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

i've been feeling a tad hormonal lately. and by a "tad", i mean "i-am-so-hormonal-you-may-want-to-stay-away-from-me-unless-you
-want-to-have-your-head-bitten-off."
don't judge me. i'm chemically imbalanced.

anyways.

after an especially hormonal morning, i was feeling guilty. so i pulled my little [big] jax over, gave him a hug, and apologized. "hey bud. i'm sorry about this morning. i was feeling kind of frustrated. will you forgive me?" he sighed. put his head on the couch. and said, "mom. i just hope you don't follow satan anymore."

i guess i didn't realize things were quite that bad.

"well jax. how can i stop following satan? what should i do?"
"you know mom. just stop following him. geez."

enough said.

inspiration AND perspiration.

2008-08-25T21:57:00.000-07:00

hi.
do you live in california?
are you registered to vote?
excellent.
let me tell you about a proposition that will be on the ballot this coming november.
proposition 8 is the proposition that will define marriage as being between a man and a woman...

hey. you still there?
good.
if you live in CA and even if you don't, you've probably heard about the upcoming vote taking place in CA that will determine the definition of marriage on the state constitution. a majority of YES votes will define marriage as being between a man and a woman. but if the NOs win...well then...you can imagine. go ahead and marry whomever you please, bob.

good ol' proposition 8. stirring up some major controversy in the sunshine state (oh wait. that's florida isn't it?) the golden state? well. either way. people are all sorts of fired up about this issue. and for good reason i guess.

now. i'm not going to go into all the political ramifications of prop 8 not passing. and i am not going to give you a run down of all the reasons i think one should vote YES. if you want that info you can check it out yourself. and by all means do. but i am going to state my piece on how i feel about what's going down here in CA.

hold on to your hats...

honestly. i'm really not to worried about gay people getting married. i mean. really. they're probably already living together, in a domestic partnership, and adopting babies. (thank you ryan from flipping out). so what difference does a marriage certificate make?

but still people are going on and on (and on) about why this would be a horrible thing for our families and our children. that may very well be true. but it may not. who knows?

but that's just me, jaime being jaime. now. jaime being a mormon lady has something else to say. when the leaders of the church sent out a letter to all the congregations in CA, i knew this was serious bizznezz. cuz when you get a letter from a prophet of God asking that "you do all that you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time" well then that's what you do.

so my husband and i (and parker) went out one saturday morning knocking doors. encouraging people to get out and vote YES for prop 8.

was it uncomfortable? you bet. did i want to do it? no sir. i did not. but i did it. and i didn't do it because i hate gay people or because i don't think they should have the same rights as i do. i did it because the prophet asked me too.

that may sound simple and silly to some. which is fine. but i only have to ask myself one question. do i believe that my church is guided by a living prophet who receives current inspiration from God? i sure do. 100%.

i believe that the prophet acts under direction from the Lord, who is the head of the church. i believe that the Lord is not only omniscient and omnipotent, but that he loves us. all of us. completely and with out reservation.

i believe nephi when he said "he (the Lord) doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world; for he loveth the world, even that he layeth down his own life, that he may draw all men unto him. wherefore, he commandeth none that they shall not partake of his salvation." (2 nephi 26:24)

so if i really truly believe all of those things. how can i do anything but what the prophet ask?

i can't.

amen and amen.

YAdayadayada...

2008-08-20T23:35:00.000-07:00

so. this blog has been a little depressing lately wouldn't you say? honestly, i'm really not as miserable as my last posts would infer. swears.

things with jax went a lot better than i anticipated. all the "ugh" was a little premature i guess. i was just assuming things would go like they had they last 24 times. but they did not. whoosh. i'm gonna go ahead and give credit to the Lord for that one. i prayed my little heart out the night before that he would be comforted when his dad left. prayer. it works. for reals.

and btw readers...thank you so so much for the sweet reassuring comments you left. what would i ever do without cyber-validation?

now.
let's shake things up a bit.

what better to get a blog out of a slump than the ever-cheerful game of TAG!!
my cute friend jen tagged me. so i guess that means i am it. here goes nothin':

{my 3 joys}
*my life coach. i have issues yo.
*lunch at costco (i know kayleen. i know.)
*new friends

{my 3 fears}
*my kids getting sick. really sick. like terminal...not a cold.
*being in debt forever. foreva, eva, foreva, eva.
*sameness. i crave progression.

{my 3 current obsessions}
*baking
*ribbons
*wondering why i can't seem to keep my house clean. ever.

{my 3 surprising facts}
*i'm awesome
*i'm super awesome
*i'm currently trying to start up a little bizznezz. cuz the cash flow is getting low. i need some dough.
yo.
ho.ho.ho. (sorry...i couldn't stop myself.)

and that's' all peeps. hopefully that post put an end to the depressing-ness that is my blog.
much love,
me.

ugh.

2008-08-16T22:10:00.000-07:00

when i got divorced, my mind ran through all the ramifications of this life-altering event. the starting over. the holidays without my son. the long-distance fathering. the identity issues. the dreaded possibility of a step-mother. etc. etc. etc. i thought i had covered all the possible heart-wrenching scenarios. turns out i missed a few...

[i never thought about how much pain i would feel watching my little boy say goodbye after a fun-filled weekend with his daddy.]
[i didn't understand how every separation would leave a little hole in his heart.]
[i couldn't have anticipated how heavy it would feel to have to pick up the pieces every.single.time.]

the aftermath of a daddy weekend is brutal.
tears.
"i don't want daddy to leave."
moping.
" i miss my daddy."
silence.
silence.
silence.
silence.
the silence is killer. most days i would pay for him to be silent for just 5 mins. but this kind of silence makes me want to crawl into bed, bury my head under the pillow and cry for the injustice of it all.
"i miss my daddy."
and then comes the extreme hyper-sensitivity to everything i say.
which is usually followed my more tears, and a few episodes of running to his room.

he misses his daddy. and i miss being able to give my child the life he deserves. don't get me wrong. i do my best. and his other daddy is a-mazing. but there is still a part of me that dies every time i realized that this little boy's life will always have some element of sadness that i can't just can't fix. complete and utter powerlessness. ugh.

i know i say this a lot. but i really think the only solution is to love him. to wrap my arms around him and let him know how glad we are that he is part of this family. and that this family will always be there. always.

an poorly worded analogy.

2008-08-13T22:13:00.000-07:00

so. august is just about half way over, and i have yet to post once this month. i really didn't intend to duck out on you, my loyal readers, i guess i've just been kinda brain dead lately. and trust me. you don't want a post from a brain dead jaime. we have standards at this blog.

you know. now that i think about it...i've been a little bit more than just brain dead. i've kinda been a mope. honestly, i've spent the last few weeks sitting in a puddle of self-misery and complaining about getting wet. unfortunately, i have become oh-so comfortable in my little puddle, and getting out of it has seemed like way too much work. and really what's the use? i'd probably get up, trip on something, and wind up right back in the puddle...wetter than ever. come on...who needs that?

anyways. sitting there hasn't been working out for me. turns out i don't like being water-logged very much. so today, i think i'll stand up, dry myself off, and get back to bizznezz.

i am amazed at myself. i know you are probably saying to yourself, "well of course you are jaime. how could you not be. you are perfect. a true super-human." while that all my be true (very true in fact), this time friends, i am amazed at my ability to let life rock me to the core. i am amazed that after all my obstacles, heartaches, and tests of patience, all it takes is a small wind of trouble to knock me down and make me lose my bearings.

so in an effort to remind myself (via the www) of where i am and what i know...a list:

i know forgiveness changes everything.
i know letting go means letting God.
i know perfection is not an option. not even close.
i know complete honesty, with ourselves & others, is liberating and essential.
i know being mistreated presents us with the opportunity to truly feel God's love.
i know our trials allow us to trust that Someone knows us better than we do.

ahhhh. there. much better.
i have to admit. i am more than grateful for that hard-won knowledge. the peace that comes when i take time to remember is all i need to get by.

arch supports are under rated.

2008-07-29T22:22:00.000-07:00

i was considering getting a zoo pass for the year. i mean. the price is reasonable, the distance is do-able, and the location is world-renowned.

i am currently reconsidering that choice.

i was awoken at 5 am this morning by a little tap and a whisper. "mom. i have to go potty, but my ankles really hurt and i can't walk." huh? what the? ok?.... i jump out of bed as my half-asleep mind is bombarded with thoughts of polio and paralysis. oh but he's so young...

i assist my limping child to the bathroom, when i remember the day's events. oh. the zoo. the hills. the steep steep hills. the steep steep hills traversed in old navy flip flops. oops. i begin to feel rather guilty knowing a good mother would have suggested more appropriate footwear. oh, if i only my vanity hadn't kept me from letting my children wear crocs...

we head slowly (oh.so.slowly) back to bed as i begin to anticipate the even sorer calves and stiffer muscles that await us in the morning. in hopes of making things a little better for everyone, i massage his little feet and legs until we both fall asleep.

8 am. "MOM. owowowowowowo. i feel like crawling. please let me crawl. i can't walk."
my solution: tylenol, a heating pad, breakfast on the couch, and some good old fashioned calf stretches.

i have never felt as mean as when i was forcing my 4-year-old to do calf stretches while tears were rolling down his face.

i'm pretty sure we aren't getting a zoo pass anymore.