Renegade Evolution

I...I think it's molting!

2009-09-17T09:14:00.002-04:00

What, you didn’t think I was gonna shut down this virtual palace of sleaze without a pornified parting shot image, did ya?

Heh, come on, by now you have got to know me better than that!

But yes, you did read that first part right. This dive is now officially closed. I will check in on comments and all, but yep, this place? It’s been condemned. Too much blood and body parts scattered around- mine and other peoples.

Nah, I am not deleting it because sure enough, I think some important things were said here, and nah, I am not quitting the Internetz.

But I am moving, and moving on, and moving away from a lot of things that have made me about as pleasant to be around as Genghis Khan on a three month bender.

You can, if you are so inclined, now find me and my new dive here. I can’t erase the past (nor would I want to really), but I can start over in some sense of the word, so that is what I am doing.

Update your blogrolls if you feel so inclined…

And remember… brutes rule, the Joker is the most well done comic villain ever, porn is what you make it, Dean Winchester is way Cooler than Sam, Cyborgs are HOT, and sex workers are people too.

See you in Cartoons-Ren

The film from my eyes

2009-09-17T00:34:00.005-04:00

I love that picture. Love, love, love it. One of my all time favorites really. I use it for lots of things, there is a vibe to it that just says something to me, speaks in some way. It’s of a character of mine from an ongoing fictional series, and it is for me, personally, one of the best things I’ve done. I don’t care if other folk like it or not, I love it. So, I decided to use it here because yep, sure enough, it speaks to me. Maybe even for me in some ways on some levels in some circumstances.

You know what? I don’t want or expect an apology out of some people. Never have, never will. Some folk just cannot do that, or bog down their half assed attempts with so many stunning qualifications that in the end it really means shit. Less than shit actually. I don’t want people’s sympathy or bullshit or whatever else. What I want, and will never, ever, ever get is for some people Who Have Done Wrong To Just Admit It. They don’t have to be fucking sorry, they just have to say, “Yeah, I did that, I admit it. I lied, I threatened, I did it.” But it will never happen. Shit, even people who can bring themselves to, in an obtuse way, admit that wrong was done unto me and others make sure to qualify it with what a seething horrible crazy person I am and make the whole goddamn thing my fault. You know, like I deserve to be threatened and lied about, and anyone who had nothing to do with anything (aka the other Miriam), well gee, side casualty and all. Heh. The slut deserved it. Hummm. And you know, sure enough, I find that whole oh, we’re victims, or not, but standing near victims, therefore we are never wrong and can never own up to our own shit behavior and admit we have done wrong and have done harm fucking pathetic.

Why the hell should I, or anyone else, care about people who cannot even do that? Admit when they are wrong and admit they have done some shady shit? I don’t give fuck if you hand out donuts to the homeless and do not eat meat or wear leather…if you cannot, in all your glorious arrogance and superiority, admit that you have done something wrong…well then, assholes, I ain’t the only lunatic in the asylum. Even I, violently insane asshole of the universe or whatever, can and have admitted when I was wrong, even to people I do not like. It’s not that hard really. If you know you’ve done something wrong, something way off the fucking charts like threatening people, even people who were no part of the disputes of the past and present, or that you have lied out right, and you cannot bring yourself to say so…because so much of everything you are is tied up in being right and being better than whomever….there is really something wrong there. And yeah, you can call me mean and vile and sociopathic all you fucking want…it does not change the fact that wrong was done, and you just can’t bring yourself to say it because you have to be better, right, you have to win….yet of course maintain your poor beset upon victim status. Heh. And I’m the crazy vicious one with issues? Well, at least I am not alone there.

So yeah, when shit like this rears its ugly head and some folk just can’t even fucking admit it, well, when other people I generally like or do not hold a lot of serious animosity towards say things like “can’t we get along, agree to disagree”, or, my favorite, “don’t you see, this is us doing the men’s work for them, fighting and dividing ourselves” I have to roll my eyes, smirk, and spit. No, we can’t all fucking get along. I tried to agree to disagree, and with some people that works, and with others it fucking blows, because some people are always supposed to take it while others dish it out. And no, it is not the fucking men doing it. It has not been the men doing the threatening here, or the lying, or the refusal to see wrong staring them in the face, or the failure to call it out without a million qualifications. Fuck that noise- with a tire iron. No man forced a certain radical feminist to threaten me. No man forced a certain radical feminist to threaten and scare the shit out of an innocent bystander while thinking she was threatening me. No man forced a couple of radical feminists to lie- blatantly and out right- about me. And no man continues to force personal attacks upon myself and anyone else who does not agree with Radical Feminists. Just like no man is forcing me to say anything I’ve said. This is not about the goddamn men. And saying it is? Always and forever? Well, nice freakin’ way to totally absolve women of any goddamn responsibility for any of their actions and essentially make them children- which does not sound too feminist at all to me…and it never has. Does pack mentality, safety in numbers, just the sheer joy of venting and vitriol make it easier? Sure it does. But at the end of the day, if you threaten or lie about someone, the person responsible for that is you. Not the system, not the Patriarchy, not men, not capitalism…YOU. And I am fuck-all sick of people throwing out a thousand excuses to absolve shitty behavior because that shitty behavior was undertaken by women who cannot even fucking admit it was shitty! If that is feminism, keep it, and god, goddess and all the little deities save us all.

Oh, but I know, I am mean and nasty and a scumbag and countless other vile things blah blah blah whatever, right? I am some horrible pro-porny sociopath who does not care about blah blah blah blah, right? First, whatever. If that’s what you think, that is what you think, and no amount of anything said to the contrary will ever change your minds. Still does not excuse this bullshit, and it never will. The freakin’ Orwellian nature of so much of this shit blows my mind. It’s fuckin’ scary, and when a scary person like me says that…damn.

And yep, sure enough, as you might be able to tell, this shit pisses me off. A lot. And yeah, I would like for someone to just fucking admit they were WRONG…but I am grimly secure in the knowledge that will never happen.

That sorta thing? It affects a gal. Indeedy it does. That said, I might be done with lying, threatening asshole pricks who expect the world to worship and feel sorry for their oh so hurt asses and are convinced they can do no wrong….mayhaps one day they will share a room with me at the asylum. In the mean time….

Oh yes…

I have other shit to do.

Sometimes I hate being proven Right...

2009-09-16T15:47:00.002-04:00

Okay then...read this first.

The latest is due to CERTAIN rad fems taking issue with ND asking for proof and then me providing it, ND was told NOT TO DO THAT and my comments addressing the issue were removed...and all sorts of folk, from Delphyne to Faith to Buggle came out of the woodwork to say how wrong it was for her to ask such a thing and then allow me to PROVE that I was threatend and that lies had happened...oh yeah, and call me and other folk "vicious lunatics" and other assorted shit while tut-tutting ND for allowing me to make such personal attacks (of which, there were none, merely the linked proof she asked for) upon rad fems.

TYPICAL.

And people wonder why I hate people? Why I am on occassion very, very mean to sections of the online Radical Feminists and well, yep, pretty much hate them too? Well gee, I wonder, real head scratcher there, eh? They whine about silencing, then attempt (and I stress attempt) to engage in it themselves. They whine about being attacked and called names, then do the same damn thing to other people. They accuse other people of lying about them and threatening them, yet cannot prove that, but oh gee, when their lies and threats are out there- In Their Own Goddamn Words and Spaces- and they are pointed out? OMG, they are the VICTIMS. And then they fucking go off saying how "unsafe" everything is because, oh gee...the ugly truth about their own behavior has been brought- via request- to the table.

So yes...Radical Feminism, at least as personified by some of these people, is harmful. Provable Lies, actual threats, attempted silencing, group bullying tactics, intimidation, the works. They have engaged in it all...against other women...who disagree with them. Gee. Harmful.

Maybe if they did not want this shit to be remembered, they never should have lied and threatened in the first place. You know what....this sort of reminds me of something....

It reminds me when certain guilty defendants use the character and bad behavior of the person they attacked in order to smear their character enough to get off a charge even when they are stone cold guilty of it. But add the crime of jury tampering and intimidation to that.

Bravo, you fucking assholes.

Jill, don't bother telling your story over there, I am sure you will just get deleted and slammed and called names too.

Ancient History....

2009-09-16T06:28:00.004-04:00

It’s funny, in that sick sense of humor way really. I was asked yesterday to “prove” that I had been harmed by radical feminists in some way. So, you know, when asked for proof, I make an attempt to provide it. Which is ironic, as I ask for proof all the goddamn time from people and never get it, but anyway, that is just the way I roll. When someone asks me to provide proof for a claim I have made- I’ll do so, because I am one of those people who remembers threats, lies and slights forever and generally keeps track of where all the bodies are buried.

So yeah, anyway, I was asked to provide proof of how I’ve personally been adversely affected by radical feminists. So I cited the threat made to me by Stormy, and the accusation that I had infiltraited/hacked/whatevered Genderberg and the ensuing drama. To make sure I had my shit in a row on all that…I re-read it. All of it. Every last bit. You know, all the accusations of me being all kinds of things: the occasional assertion that I might be a man or a marketing front, repeatedly being called a liar, the assumption or two that I was not actually a sex worker, a shit ton of half baked accusatory barbs, the endless, and I mean endless, cracks about me being insane…so on so forth…and of course, in the Mega Thread, where I originally went merely to defend someone who had undergone a falling out with the online Rad Fem posse- was blackmailed into a treaty and even once I (begrudgingly) complied with it, I continued to get unloaded on by a ton of people…called all sorts of shit and was, yep, just supposed to take it. And that shit still flies, the whole I am a lying scumbag who is completely violently insane so on and so forth. How one violent statement I made –when there are others made by that crowd- is never forgotten (and endlessly taken out of context), yet theirs are never mentioned. And you know, every time I ask for proof on anything, as in, what are my legendary lies, where have I ever insulted a feminist about her looks, how can one prove I attempted to join or infiltrate Genderberg, so on, so forth….there are never any answers. Ever. No proof at all. Just more accusations and bullshit, more piss and wind. Hell, I get accused of saying and doing shit I did not even do, and when I ask for proof on that- none there either. Yet I am the one asked to prove everything…which hey, I can do, and I don’t mind doing it, but….

…yeah, let’s examine that for a minute. Let’s talk about harm. I remember how pissed off I was when all that happened. I also remember I was scared. Not so much for me, shit, I’ve been outted before, and nah, it wasn’t pleasant but it did not kill me, but for other people I care about. I was pretty certain in her quest to shut me up Stormy would not mind racking up a few incidental casualties. After all, in writings prior to here I had used the real first name of my S.O and various friends and places I liked to go. Naïve of me, sure…then again, I did not actually ever expect to get threatened by a Feminist. I lost sleep over that threat thing. Stressed about it. As did Mr.E. I got angry and my already somewhat notable dislike of humans increased a bit further. And it did turn out that in some people’s hate on for me, other people did get hurt…like the other Miriam for instance. Yet I am still the vicious sociopathic liar. Me, the one who can prove other people have lied yet there is not one iota of proof to the contrary from the other side. Me. I am the dishonest one. You know, that is harmful too. It sure as shit bothers me. I’ve had things that have happened to me in my life (a bad night of work and a broken nose come to mind) twisted by other people and used for an agenda…hell, wrt the nose, I got punched in the face and it was broken by a woman yet someone out there decided to tell others that it had happened to me on the job whilst stripping. So yeah, lets talk about dishonest. Let’s talk about intentionally vicious. You think that upset me or bothered me? Well, hell yes, as a matter of fact it did.

I mean, for fucksake, I have seen a lot of lying and twisting of the truth done here in blog world…not done by me. And yeah, when asked, I can prove it…but when I get accused and ask for proof in return…there is none. It does not exist, because I am not the liar.

Where is the examination on that phenomena, I’d like to know. I mean sure, it is a great tactic to demonize one’s enemy, but such things are harmful. And what pisses me off even more is all this shitty behavior- and sure enough, I have said some shitty things and I admit it- has been glossed over. Why is that, I wonder? Why is it okay to throw tons of baseless accusations at someone, lie and threaten while doing it- back nothing up with proof, then wash/rinse/repeat when the supposedly so dishonest party calls the bullshit down and can back up their side of the story with…proof.

That sort of behavior is harmful. I’d know, because I’ve been harmed by it.

Sure enough, I may not be the most likable person in the world (understatement). I may support positions and things other people loathe. I may be abrasive and hostile and anti-social and grim. I may have a really, really shitty temper and swear a lot. All of that can be proven, and I will admit to it. No proof needed. I am not asking for people to “like me”…chances are that would make me feel slimy and I sure as hell would not like them back. What I am asking for is some fucking proof to support a lot of these goddamn accusations, or for people to shut the fuck up and stop making shit up and actually stick to legitimate reasons to hate my guts rather than resorting to bullshit and lies. And just once, I would like one of my oh so noble adversaries to admit, yeah, they are the ones who have actually lied and yeah, also done some really shitty things. Harmful ones even. You know, things that still bother me. Even after all this time.

Examination, please. On harm, if you will.

The G.E.R suspects that might actually never happen, and she won’t be surprised.

A few Points of Order...

2009-09-14T21:45:00.003-04:00

Today was needles in the neck day, so needless to say, I am in a foul mood. Which means I have left whatever counts even remotely as my tact filter on the floor. So yes, a few points of order:

1: I do not now, nor have I ever claimed to be “the” voice of anything other than myself. I have not ever claimed to speak for all sex workers, all women who like (insert whatever here) or any other such thing.

2: That said, why yeah, I do think that women in the sex industry (all of them, no matter what opinion they hold on it) should be considered the more valid voices on the topic than those who have never done the job…this goes for radical/anti people and sex positive/pro people actually.

3: I do (and always have) advocated reading/looking into a variety of opinions from a variety of sex workers when attempting to learn about it.

4: Anyone who deals in universals (all women like/hate this, this sex act is by default degrading to women, all porn is misogynistic, all BDSM is abuse, all blah blah blah) well, you know what, I think you are probably an arrogant fucking idiot with serious projection issues and probably need to spend a shit ton more time examining your own crap than decreeing anyone that disagrees with you is messed up/ doing it wrong.

5: I do not think all porn, or even a lot of porn, is intentionally focused on the degradation of women. I think its primary intent is to make money via getting people off. As for porn that so, so many people think is misogynistic? Guess what, I believe it is ultimately misanthropic, and I have said that about a zillion times now.

6: Do I think there are a lot of asshole men who watch porn and think of the women in it as subhuman? Yep. I also think there are a lot of assholes period who do not watch it and think the same fucking thing.

Moving On-

1: Condom use in porn? Should be the decision of the PERFORMERS involved, to use or not to use. Not anyone else. I’d be just as likely to walk out on a producer who told me I had to use one when I did not want to as I would be to walk out on a producer who told me I could not use one when I did want to.

2: I am getting very, very tired of alt porn indy hipsters who think that the films they make of people fucking are so much better and classier and wondrous than the films made by people who are not alt porn indy hipsters. Guess what? If the primary theme of your movie is graphic sexual action? It’s porn. I don’t give a shit how many fake boobs you replace with natural bodies, how many conventional hair colors you replace with purple Mohawks, how many anal scenes you replace with “real” girl on girl scenes. STILL PORN. Still people naked and fucking. Get the fuck over yourselves.

Ha. Hahahahaha.

And lastly…Do not expect me to be your freakin’ mercenary for hire clockwork apocalypse if you intend to repay my skills with bullshit and backhanded slights against me or people like me. You deal with me straight, hell yes, I will have your back when asked. You pull a lot of passive aggressive “oh but we don’t mean YOU” when we rag on people like you or on you indirectly and your welcome is done worn out.

Man I am fucking sick of humans today. Very, very sick of them indeed.

kitties

2009-09-12T22:50:00.002-04:00

Sharon yawning, Ozzy Staring...comfy on the office chair.

No real words

2009-09-12T04:41:00.006-04:00

You know who you are. Thanks.

Being a Victim is Not an Excuse

2009-09-11T06:22:00.003-04:00

As you all know, I am not a fan of most humans. Some are okay, others? For real. Fuck them. Shit that they have pulled and their general behavior and passive aggressive crap leads me to think “you know what, you’re right…I don’t give a fuck about you. I don’t give a crap about your pain, your trauma, your excuses, your delusions, or how those things have affected you.” Harsh, maybe, but consider why for a second. There are folk out there who always and forever use their victim status as a goddamn shield for everything. They use it as an excuse to say horrible things, engage in the exact same of behavior they condemn out of others, hold up other more vocal and sympathetic victims as human shields. They act all bold and full of strength (yet act as if having such a thing is such a goddamn burden) while engaging in some of the most seriously cowardly behavior I have ever seen in my life, take zero responsibility or own up to the horrible shit they’ve said or done, or let go unnoticed, whine about other people silencing them yet flatly refuse to let others speak- even when others are being civil- never name names because oh shit, that actually might take some real spinal fortitude- then sit back and whine about how everyone is so MEAN to them and how HORRIBLE people are sob sob sob don’t you see how fucking strong they are and all the shit they have to deal with? Yet, never, not once, do they ever own up to their own crap behavior and bullshit or ever being nasty because…well…shit, they were once a victim, so nothing they can do is ever their fucking fault. They should be treated as if they are forever bleeding from the eyes and on the doorstep of death (yet above question and bullet proof!) even when they are throwing knives.

Well you know what? Fuck that, and fuck them. It’s pure bullshit. Every human walking the face of the earth has been a victim of something at some time. Every single one of them has had bad shit happen to them. Yet most of them don’t put that shit on like armor and walk into battle figuring that if they act like a prize winning shithole of a human being it will keep them safe. Most people do not figure that their trauma outranks that of others and thus is more valid. Some people, however, do.

And because oh wow, their shit was (in their heads) more shitty and more horrible than other peoples shit, they act like it is fucking okay- even noble- to treat people who have been…. oh…. victims of domestic violence, victims of racism, victims of discrimination, victims of medical atrocity, victims of rape and torture, victims of countless other things… like shit. Never mind that those people wake up shaking and screaming in the night too sometimes, their shit is not as important. It can be (and often, if not always, is) ignored. Why? Because their pain just ain’t valid enough. Those mean people who so pick upon our poor beset upon tear-racked but oh so strong icons of exemplarily behavior just don’t bleed enough. They don’t have tear and snot stained excuses like our precious special only valid pain in the world heroines. They deserve it. Because they are the real victims, don’t you see, and everyone else is just a bully who is so mean and picking on them and their bad behavior doesn’t mean shit because…well…it’s not their fault!

It never is.

And that is fucking bullshit. So yeah, some people, people who behave like that?

You’re right. I don’t give a fuck about you at all. Your pain, your trauma, whatever else? Wallow in it. I fail to care, and yeah, I think you are fucking pathetic. Pain and trauma are not a shield and sword you get to swing with impunity-especially at people with pain and trauma of their own (which is, oh, pretty much all of them), and sniveling, cowardly, passive aggressive bullshit really does make me want to punch people (namely, oh, the types I am discussing here) in the face.

Fucking whiny hypocrites. I hate them. A lot. Some people really need to own their own shit before they start flinging it at other people.

This is for those people who think some women need saving from themselves...snerk.

2009-09-11T01:02:00.004-04:00

Everyone, this is Ginele Marquez. As you can see, Ginele is a victim of violence. Ginele is often subject to extreme violence, really. Every day she goes to work, she risks getting beaten, being punched, kicked, knocked out, tossed around, having limbs broken and muscles torn. Actually, it goes beyond risk…it is fact. When Ginele goes to work, she is going to get hit. She subjects her body to a grueling routine every single day, because she needs to do it for her job.

Her industry is run by men, and they profit from it far more than Ginele herself does. When all this happens to her, there are tons of me cheering it on. They spend money on it, to watch this woman and others like her get hit and beaten.

Sweet Jesus, why aren’t the radical feminists running in to save Ginele from herself?

THIS IS GINELE MARQUEZ.

I wonder why the sisterhood is not screaming at her about her profession or what she is doing to herself or how she is being exploited…

Or then again, maybe I know why… She packs a mean punch.

Personally, I think she is cool as Alaskan Ice.

Late Afternoon Rant.

2009-09-10T16:56:00.002-04:00

Okay. Official. AGAIN. I am fucking sick to death of something. Been sick of it for a loooong, loong time....but hey, let's beat the horse anyway.

Ahem. Why yes, a lot of dudes who watch porn are utter tools with regards to their attitudes about the women they are watching.

YET, at the same time, I think radical feminists who have never done porn yet decide they get to say or know how it is for women in porn are no better. None Whatsoever.

It is no more healthy for radical feminists to stereotype and objectify all women in porn as victims who are used and abused than it is for men to stereotype and objectify them as dirty whores who are good for only one thing.

Radical Feminists who have done porn? Yeah, speak away about your experiences as much as you like, after all- you have done the job and are thus in a position to speak about your experiences in it.

The rest of you? Please, please, please just shut up for two fucking seconds and consider how much you would relish the idea of other women telling you all about how it is for you in whatever situation. You are pulling the same shit you hate (all rad fems are ugly fat hairy man hating lesbians who could never get a man so that is why they are rad fems!- which is BULLSHIT-) on us (all women in porn are mind-fucked abuse victims blah blah blah).

Enough already. The majority of women in porn are perfectly capable of speaking for themselves and do not need your help.

And on the Porn Women are Not Human Front...

2009-09-09T23:48:00.002-04:00

We have this...via ND.

Woman asks a question about her boyfriend's porn use. Some men offer the typically insightful advice that she is a controlling freak and a bitch. Some men suggest it is just in their nature to use porn. Some people are fairly polite and actually discuss it with her. Some folk tell her to ditch the dude.

Renegade reads, and notes the prevelant dehumanization of women in porn, and does in fact say something about it. See, I will point this shit out from everyone.

Now, truth be told...I don't personally give a fuck what some dude jerking his dick at a computer screen thinks of me so long as I get paid, but I do find it kind of amusing in that asshole grim way of mine, because oh so often, the dudes screaming the loudest about how they would never want to fuck some skanky stripper or porn whore (fap fap fap) or whatever blah blah blah are the ones who, when no one is around, especially the girlfriend, want to/ try to do just that. The ones who are more along the lines of "sure, I think Performer X is attractive, but I am not with her, I am with you, and I think you are attractive" are generally far more likely to be...well, interested in nothing other than looking.

One learns a lot about human nature in this business, that is for certain.

I think I smell bullshit...

2009-09-09T00:47:00.005-04:00

So yeah, over at ND's, there is some dude telling everyone how it is...you know, the whole well men are physically stronger and women make babies shit (which is true, but come on already) and he makes the statement that "Men are more Aggressive than women"...

At which point, my eye starts twitching and I wonder what the fuck people are smoking. Cause you know what? I think that is pure bullshit. Women may manifest aggression differently than men do, but I do not for a second think they are any less aggressive. Less physically violent? Yeah. Less "aggressive" (let us not forget that "aggressive" and "violent" are two different things).. oh, I think not. And women get shamed for it, whereas men do not. Be that as it may, when in comes to aggression...

Women just use different tactics. Sure enough, women are seemingly less likely to kick the shit out of someone. However, they are fully capable of bullying, intimidation, harassment and other aggressive acts...they just go about it differently. Teasing, slander, rumor mongering, stuff like that? Hell, women excel at that shit. They are also fully capable of being assertive and "go getter" types in pretty much the exact same way men are. Maybe dude has never stood between a woman and something she wants.

I am of the mind that any dude who says women are less aggressive than men equates the whole of aggression to punching people in the face and has no idea what women can be like.

"Oh Grow Up!"

2009-09-05T14:22:00.002-04:00

Heh. Okay, so somewhere out there in blog land, one woman blogger has voiced her dismay over a female music artist who at the age of 42 is still out there doing her thing, and her thing happens to be dressing provocatively and singing songs with all kinds of explicit content and gender-bending themes and stuff of that nature. The writer of this dismay wonders when people are going to start being responsible and decent. She suggests that in “the good old days”…er…wait. In her parents era, people got their shit straightened out and were responsible and decent at 20, then 30, then 40, and oh my, people now might be collecting social security before this happens…before, you know, they grow up and start acting responsible and decent!

You know what? I hate that shit. See, it would appear even within feminist circles there are very set ideas (ala 1950) about what constitutes responsible and decent. I, for one, at my grand old age, get real freakin’ tired of people who might have a few years on me and straight jobs telling everyone else who does not to “grow up” and act responsible and decent…via their definitions of the terms.

I mean sure, this rock star might not be conventional…nor however are most other rock stars. Nor or a lot of other people. Yet I do not think that deprives them of being decent and responsible. I can think of my inked heroine, she seems both of those things to me…or that gal who likes BDSM and fan fic, or some blonde WoW player, all gals who are- in one way or another- far from what one would consider the proper forms of decent and responsible…even though they are.

I mean, what the hell constitutes that anyway? Well, IMHO…responsible entails things like, oh, paying taxes, getting bills paid, going to work, taking care of ones family and loved ones, not getting behind the wheel while intoxicated, being a “good neighbor”, things of that nature…you know, taking care of things you need to and basically giving moderate human respect to those around you. Decent? Well, by whose definitions are we going there? I think the whole “OMG put some clothes on you slut and stop talking about sex!” descriptor of decent is full of crap. Not being an ass to random people, not cutting into parking spaces at the last minute, driving carefully, saying please and thank you to people, opening a door for someone carrying a lot of stuff or who otherwise might need it, stopping to help someone up if they’ve slipped, calling a cab for someone who should not be driving, waving to the neighbors, that sort of thing? See, that constitutes “decent” IMHO. I mean frankly, if I am carrying something large and heavy and someone is nice enough to open a door for me, I don’t really care if she is in a short skirt and skimpy top and might say “fuck”…. she’s a decent person. And I do not care if she is 18 or 50.

But of course, I get people telling me, even feminist ones, that I should just grow up and get a “decent” job and act all responsible and shit. Sad thing is, I am pretty damn responsible, and I don’t (nor have I ever thought) that swearing or dressing a certain way or having sex (with consenting people and protections in place) makes someone indecent or irresponsible.

Oops! Silly me.

Funny thing about that is even as apparently indecent and irresponsible as I am, I can still get mistaken for secret service….

Peta- Sexist as Fuck and Stupid as Shit.

2009-09-04T01:25:00.008-04:00

So, Kim has a post up about the Whiskey, Tango, Foxtrot of Peta…it is one of many posts about the puke inducing ads put out by Peta, and while not being able to sleep and after reading Kim’s post and having seen others about it, I got to thinking.

Now, no, I am not a vegetarian or vegan. I do eat meat, always have, probably always will. I tried to go meatless once and failed miserably. I have no problem with people who do not believe in eating meat or owning animals or wearing leather or other such things. I think dog/cock fighting is disgusting, I think people should take care of the pets they have and see that they are spayed or neutered because there are already so many unwanted animals in the world. I cannot watch “animal cops” because it makes me want to kill humans. I am not going to say I necessarily put animal life on the same scale as human life (even though I tend to like animals and hate humans), and I can understand people who do. That said…

Peta? Maybe some good ideas but their delivery fucking sucks and I think they are a bunch of fucking hypocritical assholes. 99% of their ads feature naked hot women or caged women, even caged pregnant women. You know what? I think this is gross. That might surprise you, because I do like porn and all, but see…porn is porn. It is what it is and makes no bones about its purposes- money and sex. It does not try to pass off its smut-ness as clever or compelling or trying to get some deeper message out there. Peta’s advertising? It’s freakin’ softcore porn, plain and simple, yet refuses to admit it because oh gee, they think the naked people are going to make folk stop eating meat! Yeah, right. If they actually believe that, they are fucking morons…and even porny old me can look at these ads and be like…huh? WTF? Because, gee, here is the ONE Peta ad I could find with a man in it. Look at him, sure, he is nice to look at. Is he caged up? Nope. Is he being likened to cattle? Nope. Is he in bunny/cat ears? Nope! Is his ass or dick hanging out? Nope! He is a nicely built man standing in an Adonis pose looking pretty and holding a damn bird cage. Ahem, sexist as fuck right there. And stupid as shit…I mean, come on, does anyone out there actually think the majority of these ads make folk think about their dietary habits? Um, no. I suspect these ads make people think about…fucking. Namely the naked people featured….or, in the case of the pregnant woman as cows…wondering if that is healthy or about what happens if she goes into labor while they are making said ads. Or perhaps about how their body in no way rates with that of the sexy vegan in the ad. These ads do not cause pangs of guilt and a sudden concern with the well-being of animals…they cause erections or other tingly sensations. Or perhaps amazing rage at Peta for being so sexist and stupid. It’s complete bullshit…and Peta probably knows it, but just doesn’t care. After all, these ads make money…and Peta likes money.

In truth, every time I see one of these I do not think about animal rights. I think “god that is fucking pathetic” and hate Peta a little bit more. Kim is dead on…THIS picture says more about animal rights and hits me in a way that no amount of model- perfect caged women painted up like tigers could ever do. The Peta ads are porn and nothing but, that other photo actually says something on target about the issues. I want to save the animal in the photo Kim highlights…I wonder how much the Peta Models are getting paid.

So I repeat: Peta- Sexist as Fuck and Stupid as Shit.

*I also wonder how the animals featured with the naked people in many Peta ads feel about posing on/ near a naked/make up smeared human they do not know, in whatever kind of weather, under hot lights, with a full camera crew around them....

well then...

2009-09-02T11:31:00.001-04:00

Hummm….

I may stop having to read ND’s blog even though she often does make me laugh (her sense of humor I do like). Her latest post, Van Halen Sucks, is one in many ways I can get behind. I agree that a great many Hair Bands did nothing other than blindly objectify women in their songs, in fact, once long ago, I made this post, in which women in Metal are mentioned. And while I like Ozzy a whole lot (hell, named my new cat after him), I was never a huge VH fan. I think Eddie Van Halen is pretty talented, but the lyrics to their songs? Um, yeah, not so much. Give me Iron Maiden to that crap any day. So yes, on the subject of Van Halen, I do agree.

It’s where the post goes after that, and some of her readers comments, that have left my scratching my head. And why yes, once again it has to do with “good vs. bad” and universals and sexual policing and things of that nature. There is a strong sentiment arising there that if one can have casual meaningless sex with someone whom they merely find attractive (rather than actually really dig) there is something WRONG with them and they should just shut themselves away with masturbatorial aids rather than engaging in sex with other people…

Because you know, other people might never consent to totally meaningless sex with someone they do not necessarily dig as a person, and women must have (or should want to have) some deeper connection when it comes to sex – and if she doesn’t, there is something wrong with her.

Now, admittedly, I seemingly require less intimacy than a lot of other women, but just in reading and writing here, I know I am not alone on that…and I had a thought this morning about the whole idea revolving around sex because one is purely physically attracted to someone.

Follow me here…

I have friends who I really, really like. I like their personalities, I like their humor, I enjoy their company, so on so forth, but I would not have sex with them because I do not find them attractive. I have a level of personal and social intimacy with them but it is not sexual. If it is possible for humans to have those sorts of relationships, why is it such a leap to think that the opposite sort is such a stretch for the human animal? That one can have a purely sexual relationship with someone they are purely sexually attracted to, but wouldn’t, oh, want to actually hang out with too much?

Theoretical Answer: Because good girls do not do that. That is why such things are thought to be impossible- because women are not supposed to think that way- or so they have been told- by everyone- for eons.

Now, I have said before that I think there is a level of sexual objectification that is just natural in human attraction. I do not believe one falls madly in lust with someone else across a crowed room due to their deep soul or great mind, nor do I think sex=love. So why yes, if I see a guy who I find attractive in a purely sexual sense…well, hell, he can be a Vegan fan of Country music who likes the Dallas Cowboys and thinks video games are the Devil…and I could still fall madly in bed with him. Because I am not looking to build a lasting relationship with this fellow, I am merely wanting to have sex with him. Mutually gratifying sex, but yeah, just sex.

And oddly enough, I know a lot of women out there have had quick one night stands simply because…they wanted to have sex with no strings. Even if good girls don’t do that.

So, I am not sure how sex based in pure physical attraction and women who engage in it are so wrong. If no one is getting hurt, how is this a big deal???

Random thought before bed time...

2009-09-02T01:59:00.003-04:00

Say hello to Sylar first….

Okay then. When out and about reading blogs and such, I wonder if people who often in casual posting, or in out right accusatory tones, use the word “sociopath” have actually ever really met/spent time with one. I mean, I have been called one, accused of being one, about 50 million times in the last few years, but I am pretty sure in my 37 and half years on this planet, I have only ever known one…and no, it is not the woman I see in the mirror every morning.

The one I did have the (dis)pleasure of knowing…well, there is a level of off there that seems to make consistently calling people who are probably not sociopaths that word really…well, trivializing and absurd. I mean, this person was off the charts of “holy shit” in a lot of ways. Got into a screaming match with a woman about nothing then proceeded to slam said woman’s head through a car window and acted like the whole deal was no more out of line than brushing lint off a jacket. There was no real rhyme or reason to it, the woman was not threatening her in any way other than a raised voice. I mean, I’ll admit it, I have some serious anti-social leanings…but that kind of thing? Um, no. That is not something you see out of people every day, and the action of doing it, the consequences that came after? They rated a big fat nothing to the sociopath in question. Nada, nil, nothing.

And yes, I realize that sociopaths do come in a variety of flavors, some are more subtle that others, some are more violent than others…shit I know a lot about them…

Which makes me wonder a lot about all the armchair shrinks out there or people who think it is clever or cool to use that term, well….for a whole lot of people who are probably not sociopaths. I’ve never been a fan of arm chair shrinks…and this is part of the reason.

Emotional Terrorism, Part II

2009-09-01T01:40:00.003-04:00

Ah yes, it is time, and I am going to go big on this one, the big epic levels of assholery and E.T. here….ah yes, the whole….

“Good Vs. Evil” gambit!

In various arguments, you will find people playing with this pretense and some not even bothering with pretense, insistent that their cause, stance, opinion, feelings, experiences, whatever are the “right” ones, the “true” ones, in short “the good ones”…and I am not even talking good in the researched and proven way, but in the moral and religious way, thus this leads them to think they are the good person, the everyday hero or heroine, and any arguments that are contrary to their own, any positions that are not line with their own are therefore bad (as in, evil, amoral bad) and the people who espouse them are therefore also bad. Hey, it is a tactic as old as time itself because you know what, often times that shit works. Demonization is powerful mojo, and you can see in every day situations that it is done for a reason…to make whatever the opposite side or argument is seem “good” and the people backing it righteous. If one can make their opponent a monster, well shit…that’s some damn fine stuff right there.

And sure enough, have there been some people throughout history who are worthy of being seen as monsters? Hell yes. Adolf Hitler, Caligula, Stalin, Ted Bundy, Patricia Kirby, some atrocities bigger than others, but yeah, probably easy enough to see as “bad people”. Be that as it may, most people, even ones you hate/dislike/do not agree with? They are not them. However, making humans into monsters is a long-standing tactic of emotional terrorism and it has been very, very effective.

However, it is hardly a “good” thing to do in most cases. Demonizing someone over a differing political or social view, sexual preference or lifestyle, skin color, religion, so on, so forth, leads to some really ugly shit: racism, gay bashing, paranoia…. war. Hell, how many wars have been fought because one side just knew they were the “good” side and the other side was the “evil” side…. pretty much all of them, no? And yep, you can watch that very same sorta shit play out in real life and in blog world and everywhere else.

People will, without even knowing too much at all about the person they are labeling bad, evil, horrific, terrible, amoral, so on, so forth, simply for resistance to/ failure to agree with their “good” argument. That person, the sum of them, the entirety of them, becomes “bad” because they are not in compliance with their adversaries stance. And from that point on, no effort is truly made to see beyond that, and at every available opportunity the “good” person (who might do countless shitty things yet never owns up to it) will never fail to bring up the “bad” of the evildoer…even if the evildoer is actually a decent upstanding sort. The “good” person always sees their behavior, no matter how it actually is, as above reproach. They are always the defender, the beset upon party, the last wall against the tide of “bad”, and the “bad” person is always the aggressor, the monster, that scary thing in the dark…even when being attacked.

And this shit can have some serious consequences: emotional, physical, loss of income or family, hey, it can even result in death…

And thus absolutely qualifies as emotional terrorism. Only problem is, the “good” people never think they are anything but and never take responsibility for their behavior even when they are doing really, really shitty things.

Okay, Kim, et all, some clarification.

2009-08-31T09:19:00.004-04:00

The recap, to make things more simple, but, as always, a link to the original source so one can read for themselves.

Nine D made a post about an article about porn from Details online. Discussion, fairly civil and such, ensues. There was a minor thread-jack initially about Jenna Jameson- mostly having to do with her status as human or non human, which was quickly put to bed. Some discussion of responsibility…

And then, apparently the thread jack which put ND and others over the edge and into full snark mode…the topic of this jack? Anal sex.

Now, for the record, and as anyone can see by looking at the comment thread, the thread jack about anal sex was started by Becstar, a seemingly self-proclaimed anti BDSM feminist with radical leanings. Becstar starts the party by saying- flat out- no woman can ever really enjoy anal sex (not the actual topic at hand) and any woman who says she does is deluded or merely all about playing to the pleasure of men, because hey, Becstar believes no woman can like anal sex- thus it must be true for all women.

Predictably, there is resistance to this idea, first from men, then from women as well. Including feminist women. Straight women, bisexual women, so on. But Bec keeps on insisting since women do not have “anything up there” that they cannot really, really like anal. Other people continue to disagree with her.

Enter Anja, who I sort of think is awesome for her comments over there and said as much. Anja stands tall with an anthem that might be familiar- that being that no one woman can say what all women like or do not like sexually, and sad but true- doing so Does Not Make You a Feminist, in fact, it makes you sound a bit like men who do the same damn thing.

Anja is summarily jumped by Vijane, ect., for thread derailing and well, gee, why is SHE wasting ink on anal rather than, oh, writing angry letters to the editor of Details on line about the sexualization of children and whatnot. Anja. Not Becstar.

Hummmm…do I sense a bit of bullshit here? I think maybe I do. Now, granted, I dislike massive thread jacks myself. I can understand why ND does not like them either. You write something, you hope people will stay on the topic at hand, and then shit gets all bogged down in a discussion that has little to do with what you wanted to discuss. Yep, I get that. I feel ND on that sentiment. However, what I do not get is then allowing more off topic blaming to be thrown at Anja what it was Becstar, and not Anja, who derailed the thread in the first place. That makes no sense. The topic of anal sex did not enter the picture nor did it become a thread jack until Becstar entered the fray…

Now, I can speculate, and you know, I think I will. I personally think the ire over the thread jack started by Becstar was aimed and Anja (and others) because well….humm…Becstar holds a more radical feminist view, Becstar is anti BDSM/anti-porn, and Becstar (I think) contributes to a page that ND links too (nsfw). Think that might just have a little something to do with Anja taking all the heat rather than the true bringer of anal sex to the discussion, Becstar.

I could be wrong, but I doubt it.

In any event, I still think it’s Anja FTW, and here, well gee, my vote counts more.

And on that note, even with my random feelings of blogging “bleh” and what not, I think I will be continuing on with “emotional terrorism part II” fairly soon.

OH, and in TOTALLY crappy NEWS: "Disney" has bought "Marvel" Entertainment. Ugh.

Dude, for real, some people just need to fuck off.

2009-08-30T23:57:00.002-04:00

I am in a foul, foul, foul mood. Mostly because of something stupid and MMORPG related but still it pissed me off, but yeah, because of other shit too.

I am tired of whining out of many folk…gotta say it, I am.

Tired of a bunch of stupid shit about how if a woman likes anal sex and defends sexual differences amid women OMG, she OBVIOUSLY doesn’t care about TEH SEEEXXULAIZSHUN of The Children!!! FFS people, sometimes I wonder what the hell is up your asses? Oh yeah, and blaming a thread jack on the evvvvvilllll and anal sex loving feminist rather than the fucking moron who actually started the whole jacking (hahahahah) process…:::cough cough, becstar:::. / assuming said feminist does NOTHING to speak out against misogyny in media….sweet Krishna people are …

Well…by in large….assholes.

The kitties, however, are still cute.

Now back to being largely anti-social. *

*for those who have sent emails and all wondering why I have been so quite lately it is because I am sick of stupid crap, petty bickering and other assorted shit. One can only take so much.

Ahem, new arrivals...

2009-08-28T19:52:00.003-04:00

Everyone, meet Sharon & Ozzy....Evolution. 8 weeks old, wasn't sure I was ready for another cat, but once I saw 'em and heard the word "shelter"...well, yeah. The fluffy cuteness won out.

Sharon- not camera shy.

Sharon dozing on a beach towel.

Ozzy has discovered my pile of shoes.

Ozzy looking unamused.

Heh. Hehehehehe. Ren Bitches about Men!

2009-08-28T10:37:00.004-04:00

Well, you know, the quest to a level 50 villain is often beset upon by…death. Hence this rather amusing screen cap of my character and the character of my friend Vladimir ( hey, an avatar in a kilt, totally date-able) face down on the ground. Heh. Yes, mine is holding a fireman’s axe. Don’t ask.

I also selected this image to let you all know that, woo, damn I am fried. I have a mailbox full of Sex Workers Stuff (a verbose group, those SW/ally types), a car that is going to require some serious piston love and a whole new set of gaskets, and well… Ants. My house has been over-run by wee sugar ants (I blame Mr. E for leaving empty soda cans on the kitchen counter).

I’ve also sorta had it with people. Meat space people, some game people, the works. That in mind…yet another post on gaming and being a non-fan of people, especially some with penises, who game.

A lot of you probably know what “Vent” is (aka, Ventrillo)…but for those who don’t, it is a thing which allows you to talk to the people you are gaming with via headset/ mic and all rather that having to TYPE everything. You can chat away and game away at the same time and all. When playing WoW, Mr. E uses Vent. When he and I play CoX, well, we tend to be in the same room, so we can do strategy and such very easy. However, though many people have suggested I use Vent for CoX, I do not.

There is a reason…

And that would be, well, at least 50% of the people I play with on a fairly regular basis? The language that would come out of my mouth, the insults, the horrible, horrible vile things? They might melt the software. And many of these people? Err…I know ‘em in real life. Even like them….but when it comes to CoX, I want to gut them and sort of only play with them because we are RL friendly. Take for example last evening. On Thursday evenings, after everyone has done all their RL shit, we often settle in to game together. I used to enjoy this, but as of late I have not at all, and find myself there more out of obligation than anything. With this group I play a scrapper- a martial arts dude- who does a lot of damage and is very, very hard to keep down. When I solo him, he is run on a high difficulty setting, and, well, is the highest level character of the bunch. Also, amid this group of players- I have been playing the longest, and of the players in the group, I am one of three with more than one (if one at all) max level (50) character. Which is to say, when it comes to CoX, I know my shit. And if it is shit I do not know, I do not pretend like I do. I do not pretend to know the ins and outs of the Lady Grey Task Force (a big high level instance), but the Imperious Task Force (heh, a Roman one), yeah, done it a couple hundred times now I am sure…so yeah, I know what I am doing…

BE THAT AS IT MAY….

Within the group the male to female ratio is as follows: 2 women, 6 men. My character for this group is a dude, but yeah. NEVER ONCE has either of the women been offered or been merely given the position of team leader, even though one of them (me) is the highest level with the missions that will earn top xp…and it is likely I have done them before with one of my other characters. Once…one time, when one of the women said “I want to do this Task Force tonight” was that done, and then, on that TF, two of the male players flat out refused to follow the woman (who knew the TF’s) lead, which resulted in a failure on the TF. And the woman had to demand the leadership spot. Also…well…yeah, like last night’s session proved….

There is one dude in this group who, you know, aside from gaming, especially MMORPG style, is a really an okay dude. Funny, nice, all that…but he takes his geek cred very seriously…he IS gamer, hear him ROAR. He, btw, has no level 50 characters. Well, he is almost always team leader. He plays a character that is cool, but cannot take a hit. However, we are a big team, 8 characters, and we are in this mission and on a few occasions, we got split, four of us went one way, four of us went the other way….now, SOP is that…well, you follow the tank. If the tank goes down, you stay near the scrapper (me) and pray that he can hold the aggro and finishing off can occur. So, both these occasions…well, me and the tank are together on the same side of the room, along with our defender and one blaster, and it is Mr. Team Leader “The Tank LEADS!” who is on the other side of the room getting his ass whipped by Crey. It is one of those things- people can be doing just FINE without him, kicking butt and earning mass XP, but if suddenly HE is in trouble, he will not hesitate to teleport the ENTIRE TEAM to him, even, if, oh, they have almost taken down the Elite boss or whatever. And frankly….he takes way too much time planning before you open a door, go down a hallway, whatever. Buffs, orders, strategy…. its like COME ON, I want to finish this, I am used to mad mutli level 50 ninjas who run fast, hard, debt gets eaten smash mouth style. You can buff in the fight, half of us self-rez, and frankly, me, the tank, that blaster, and the defender will clear the room in no time, buffs or not! Oh yeah, and nothing is ever his fault, his mistake, his bad, even though his tissue paper self will often run head long into the fight right with me and the tank…and its like “sorry dude, I don’t care how good our taunts are or how good you think you are, you have low HP and if you draw that much aggro? You will eat floor.” And he whines about dying a lot. Which you know, sometimes that shit happens, but when you are fighting things 3-5 levels higher than you, guess what, the xp is still sweet.

So yeah, last nite Mr. E and I stopped our mad villain quest (I made it to 50, he was still 49 and I was helping him hit that coveted level) and go for the Thursday night team. We’re sitting there, snarking away at this dude, me becoming quite frustrated and, um, unpleasant in my language. I had, a few weeks back told Mr.E that there was no way in hell I could be on Vent with this crew….and as I am snarking away, the GUY says “we should use Vent!”

Mr.E and I about fell out of our chairs laughing. I typed “That would not be good” and left it at that.

When the evening session was done I told Mr. E it might be my last with that team, and he gave me the sad face…and the thing is, I like playing with most of this group, five of the 8 are solid as hell, but I dunno if it is worth the angst….and yeah, the gamer sexism pisses me off.

Did I mention this dude, his character is a woman? Fine to play one, you see, but gods forbid you listen to one even if she is way better at the game than you are!

There is a reason I solo a lot or play with a small very specific group of people as a general rule.

DING!

2009-08-27T02:53:00.003-04:00

Ayep, my City of Villains Brute hit the big 50 this eve.
Woot!

Accountability

2009-08-26T00:35:00.005-04:00

Why yes, that is what some of the discussion over at ND’s has moved to here lately: Accountability. And this should come as no shock to anyone: I believe people are accountable for their own actions. I think I’ve always been rather clear on that. To whom they are accountable might be up for some debate, but yes, when people make choices or take actions, they are responsible for them and the impact they have.

I believe this about everyone. Hence me saying things like “when someone gets raped, the person who should be accountable for it is the rapist” only 50 million times or so over the last few years.

And yet, even as I say that, whilst the discussion is about porn and all, I sense (hah) a few arched eyebrows in my direction…you know, that whole what you do is shitty for women and thus you should be held accountable yet you try to shirk that shit kind of eyebrows.

Hummm.

Guess what? I do not hold other people to standards I won’t apply to myself, and thus, since people are just itchin’ to hear me say it and all…. let’s roll with it.

Can/Does porn contribute to women having body image issues? Yes.

Can/Does porn give some people very twisted ideas and expectations about what sex is? Yes.

Can/Does porn contribute to some people (men and women) feeling “sub par” when it comes to sexual performance? Yes.

Can/Does porn give some already “questionable people” “ideas”? I guess it could and probably does.

Can/Does porn cause some men to objectify women? Yes, I think it does.

Do I do/support porn anyway? Yes, I do. I have never sexually assaulted or raped anyone, I have never forced anyone to do anything on or off camera that they did not want to do, I have never taken anyone to task or mocked them for their looks, size, or sexual likes and dislikes, and I do not think porn makes anyone do anything (people make their choices and are responsible for them), but do I admit, freely, that porn can/does have these effects on some people?

Yep. And I’ll own that. I will also say I can live with that. Yes, I may have in fact played a role in a woman having body issues, or a person having messed up ideas about what sex is, or contributed to their unease with sexuality, or even given someone who already had some bad ideas another one. I may contribute to the objectification of women by some men.

So, what now? My shit is owned. Do I go on trial somewhere? I mean, that has pretty much already been done and I’ve been found guilty. Do I owe every woman in the world; even those who have treated me like utter shit, a big fat apology and war reparations? Humm, I think not, at least not until they take some responsibility themselves (or are some women more accountable than others? Hahahahaha!) I mean, come on, what do people expect?

Not much I hope. I, you see, like every other human being on the face of the goddamn planet does things which may not be so awesome for other people. And yeah, I should be accountable for that.

Just like everyone else.

So then…what exactly do you want from me or to do to me as “punishment for my crimes”?

Lisa KS and other gamer women...

2009-08-24T15:22:00.001-04:00

ahem. oh no, not feminist, but... FUNNY!

I'm not even a WoW player but the Guild cracks me up...

Call for UK/EU AUTHORS

2009-08-24T14:13:00.002-04:00

okay, people, especially UK / EU people, the call for writers on what, IMHO, is a very important blog has been put out!

It would make the God Emperor of Rome smile where some of you to, oh, take up the torch and run with it so to speak.

Please see CAROLINE for more details...