What a Performance!

tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31265759.post-1161539034797312912006-10-22T10:36:00.000-07:002006-10-22T10:43:54.880-07:00What a Performance!Every so often, British television does something that completely surprises you. It doesn't happen often, but when it does it's so exciting that you just want to share it with someone. And the current goings-on on the Performance Channel are one such event. I have no idea what the US version of Performance is like but I suspect it's pretty much the same as it is here in the UK. Until recently, it was the home of more highbrow entertainment - classical music concerts, ballet, opera, jazz, you know the sort of thing. But recently, something completely unexpected has been happening at nights on Performance. Some time last year, the British Performance Channel was bought by cable TV giants Eicom and there was some talk of them starting a new channel, Performance Horror, which would act as a rival to the existing specialist channel Zone Horror, formerly The Horror Channel. That has yet to materialise, but at some point they seem to have bought the entire catalogues of Crown International - distributors of cult crap throughout the 70s and 80s - and Eros, the old British low-budget distributor from the 50s and 60s. With Performance Horror still not happening, the cream of this bizarre back catalogue is now showing on Performance Channel after 23:00 each evening - after a day of Oscar Petterson, Strauss in Vienna or Bizet's Carmen British cable and satellite TV viewers can now settle down for a triple bill every night of fabulous low-budget trash, usually comprising a double bill of American films [at least one of which is a Crown International release] and finally, in the very early hours, a creaky old British movies from the glory days of the quota quickies. One of the many little pleasures of the Performance Channel screenings is to be fount in the eccentricity of their presentation. Advertised films don't turn up and are replaced by something similar [so you never know what you've got when you check your recordings the next morning] and when they do show up they're occasionally shown in very strange ways - last night, for example, we had the dreadful comedy The Beach Girls [1982] - directed by Bud Townsend of porno version of <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.eofftv.com/a/ali/alice_in_wonderland_1976_main.htm">Alice in Wonderland</a> [1976] infamy. After one ad break [and more on those in a moment] the film returned to where it was a few minutes before the break began, then ground to a halt with a caption reading "End of Part 1". After a few seconds of blank screen, up came "Part 2" and off we went... The ad breaks on Performance are bizarre - they seem to include them just because they have to and often they have no ads to show at all. Instead we get a 30 second piece montage of back stage clips from The Old Vic and then we're back into the film. Elsewhere, there's a 10 second flash for Kenco Coffee that gets shown on its own [yes, you read right, 10 second ad breaks...] or the same ad for conservatories of language courses. It's all very, very strange... But who am I to criticise when they're showing such strange and rare films? Already we've had Trip With the Teacher [1974], a very rare Last House on the Left knock-off with Zalman King as the leader of a gang of rapacious bikers; William Grefé's Stanley, about a native American using snakes to kill those who cross him; Dorothy Stratten in Galaxina, Mae West's fabulously awful Sextette and much more besides. For those of you who can get The Performance Channel and haven't yet heard about this treasure trove of lost junk, don't despair - most of the films already shown are being repeated throughout November. These screenings don't seem to have been at all well advertised so to do our bit EOFFTV will keep you up to date with what's due to be shown each month - though bear in mind that the schedule change without warning so don't blame me if something you really wanted to see doesn't actually turn up! OK, here's what's showing for the rest of October - November's schedules to follow next week: SUNDAY 22 OCTOBER 23:00 - 0045: Patriot [1986] - ex-Navy SEAL helps to track down terrorists who have made off with a nuclear weapon. MONDAY 23 OCTOBER 00:45 - 02:30: Blue Money [1972] - a porn film director makes the mistake of getting involved in affair with one of his stars. 02:30 - 03:45: Home To Danger [1951] - a drug dealer tries to kill his partner's daughter; directed by Terence Fisher. 23:00 - 00:45: The Resurrection of Zachary Wheeler [1971] - Leslie Nielson stars as a reporter who stumbles upon some nasty medical experiments. TUESDAY 24 OCTOBER 00:45 - 02:30: Malibu Beach [1978] - teen comedy starring no-one you've ever heard of. 02:30 - 04:00: Kill Me Tomorrow [1957] - another Terence Fisher thriller, co-directed by Francis Searle. 23:00 - 00:45: Single Room Furnished [1968] - Jayne Mansfield's last film. WEDNESDAY 25 OCTOBER 00:45 - 02:15: My Chauffeur [1986] - mid-80s teen comedy. Says it all surely... 02:15 - 03:45: Keep it Clean [1956] - British comedy about a man who develops a revolutionary new cleaning machine. 23:00 - 00:45: Glen and Randa [1971] - bonkers post-apocalyptic science fiction film that should have been a lot better than it was... THURSDAY 26 OCTOBER 00:45 - 02:15: The Pom Pom Girls [1976] - Robert Carradine heads the cast in another teen comedy. Also stars 70s cult icon Rainbeaux Smith. 02:15 - 03:45: Life in Emergency Ward 10 [1959] - big screen spin-off from the popular British TV series, directed by Robert Day [Grip of the Strangler [1958], Corridors of Blood [1958], First Man Into Space [1959] et al]. 23:00 - 00:30: The Hellcats [1967] - female biker gangs on the rampage. FRIDAY 27 OCTOBER 00:30 - 02:00: Revenge of the Cheerleaders [1976] - Rainbeaux Smith again in a film that pretty much does exactly what the title says. 02:00 - 03:00: Murder at 3am [1953] - British crime thriller directed by Francis Searle, starring Dennis Price. 23:00 - 00:45: Wild Riders [1971] - a pair of thugs rape two women and take over their home. SATURDAY 28 OCTOBER 00:45 - 02:30: Weekend Pass [1984] - dreadful attempt to remake On the Town [1949] without the songs and without the jokes. 02:30 - 04:00: Live It Up [1963] - Lance Comfort directed David Hemmings in a rock-and roll musical. 23:00 - 01:00: Hunk [1987] - don't waste time or tape on this terrible comedy about computers, the devil and the creation of "the perfect man". Bloody awful in every respect. SUNDAY 29 OCTOBER 01:00 - 02:30: Virgin Queen of St Francis High [1987] - a high school jock tries to score with a virginal beauty queen. 02:30 - 04:30: The Master of Bankdam [1947] - brothers fight for control of the family business in this period piece directed by Walter Forde and edited by Terence Fisher. 23:00 - 00:30: Click: The Calendar Girl Killer [1990] - a serial killer stalks fashion models; directed by Ross Hagen who also turns up as the star of many of these films. MONDAY 30 OCTOBER 00:30 - 02:00: Not Tonight, Darling [1971] - hopeless early 70s British sex comedy - without any sex or comedy... 02:00 - 03:30: 29 Acacia Avenue [1945] - British comedy starring Jimmy Hanley, Megs Jenkins and Dinah Sheridan. 20:00 - 21:40: Tread Softly Stranger [1958] - crime thriller starring Diana Dors. 23:00 - 00:45: The Demon [1979] - the great Cameron Mitchell went to South Africa for this horror movie. TUESDAY 31 OCTOBER 00:45 - 02:30: Games That Lovers Play [1970] - Joanna Lumley stars in a terrible British sex comedy. 02:30 - 04:00: And The Same To You [1960] - boxing related British comedy starring the king of the farces, Brian Rix; first Doctor Who William Hartnell; Carry On legend Sid James; and TV comedy magician Tommy Cooper. 23:00 - 00:30: Blood Mania [1970] - obscure American horror film.Kevinhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09058994682929578573noreply@blogger.com