Baby Steps V

Nutritionist / Food Sets

2009-12-11T00:03:00.001-05:00

One thing - that I don't think I have ever mentioned - is the nutritionist - who worked with middle child and me (several years ago) suggested I make dishes/meals that have a name.

Veggie Lasagna, bean/lentil tacos, white chili, whatever - even if I had to make up a name - to make sure that every meal was a define-able thing.

The nutritionist thought specific names to communicate sets of foods would help the middle child look forward to and be able to anticipate meals. She also thought it would help the middle child be able to express what she was hungry for or liked.

And this was a valid point - a good observation by the nutritionist.

Most people (let alone kids) do not think of their breakfast as grain/dairy, fruit/dairy, protein.

I do.

Most people (let alone kids) do not think of their lunch as protein, veggie, veggie, starch.

I do.

Most people (let alone kids) do not think that dinner is the same as lunch except if the veggie, veggie was cooked the last time - it should be raw this time.

I do.

I do - because I SO DO NOT THINK - what in the whole wide world am I hungry for
this meal???

I think - of the healthy grains in the house - which one do I want?

Of the raw fruits in the house - which one do I want?

Of the veggies in the house (that really are veggies) - which one do I want?

How many times have I said this - Toddler do you want to potty in the upstairs bathroom or the downstairs one? Not ever - do you want to potty?

So, the having definable sets of things - that go together - has helped our family food communication. It was a valid point. It was a helpful suggestion. And I wanted to share that with all of you.

I wrote (above) all that a very long time ago, and it just kept getting pushed aside in my scheduling.

Now rereading and re pondering,

The first thing I would add (to what I wrote above)
is that for all of US - in my opinion - learning to think in food categories) is helpful, valuable, important. I think - WE have to eat balanced (food groups). I think - WE have to make every calorie count (nutritionally). I think - WE have to keep those ratios (fat, protein, carbs) in line. Some of ushave to watch carbs (even if they are healthy) because we gravitate toward the starches. Others of us gravitate toward fats. I am not sure that this matters as much in the beginning (higher weights). But if you read a lot of maintainer blogs - they pretty much all have some means of keeping their food plan balanced.

The second thing I would add (to what I wrote above)
is that I link healthy carbs to veggies for my family. I pair them.

The best example I can give is Red Beans/Rice and salad.

When you think Red Beans/Rice, my guess is that you do NOT then think 7 different kinds of greens. But my kids do.

I did not originally think of this - my husband saw it at a restaurant and we tried it at home.

This is the eating procedure:
stick fork in low fat ranch,
fork up a bite of Red Beans/Rice,
spear a bite of 7 different kinds of greens
(I buy in package, lot of dark greens in there),
and eat.

We all love this. We all eat a lot of greens this way.

My kids think that you can't eat Red Beans/Rice without the dark greens.

And that is a very good thing.

Other things we pair -

Pasta and lightly steamed carrots/broccoli.
Youngest eats this plain. Middle child tosses in 1T low fat Italian dressing.

Any thing with mashed potatoes (plain, twice baked, Sheppard's pie) is always half steamed/pured cauliflower and half potato.

I use homemade veggie broth for everything that is soup or broth based. I start with water, onions, carrots, celery, greens, bell peppers, tomatoes. If I just want the broth, after cooking, I run it through a strainer. I reuse the veggies. I freeze the broth plain. The aroma from broth sends everyone at my house into the kitchen to see what is cooking. I make a lot of homemade broth. I cook many things (like healthy noodles, long grain rice) IN it. So veggies are paired with many starches (noodles, beans, rice) automatically.

Bean soup or chili always has a mixture of veggies in it (I use the veggies from the broth).

Red Beans/Rice Recipe

2009-12-11T00:02:00.002-05:00

My kids have CLEAN palates. They are used to not having everything fatted, salted, carbed. I started out slowly so that they could adjust. Their palates are now about the same as mine. I am always hesitant to list what we eat, because another child that is used to buttered noodles and McD's is NOT going to think this is great food. You couldn't get my kids to eat heavy, fatty, fried, saltyd stuff - 1. they know better 2. they would puke.

START WITH DRIED KIDNEY BEANS (they come in a BAG):
Rinse the beans and pick through them to make sure there aren’t any sticks or stones.

Cook 1 lb dried kidney beans covered with water for approximately 3-5 hours on high (crock pot) lid ON. Check occasionally that beans are still covered with water.

I personally do not soak my dried beans. Soaking means shorter cooking time. The end product is the same (in my opinion).

RICE:
About an hour before the beans will be done, I start rice in a casserole dish:
1 cup raw long grain brown rice
3 cups homemade veggie broth***
1/2 teaspoon dried oregano
1/2 teaspoon dried basil
1 pinch dried thyme
pinch of salt,
ground black pepper to taste
Bake in oven at 350 degrees for 1 hour in a sprayed casserole with the lid ON

BACK TO THE BEANS:
I start taste testing a bean or two when they hit the 3-4 hour mark to catch them JUST AS they are fully cooked. I would like to say that I have kept track and written down all the different types of beans and how long they take - but NO - I just cook them when I am home and check. When done – I immediately drain beans through a colander to get beans out of the heat of the crock pot. Left in the crock pot beans will continue to cook for a long time (just from the heat of the ceramic pot) and will be MUSH.

After I drain the beans, I put ¾ of the kidney beans in a container ( use whatever container I am going to store the whole thing in refrigerator so I am dirty-ing as few things as possible). And then using a potato masher – I mash the beans. (I put the other ¼ of beans in the freezer to use for something else at a later time).

I then add the
cooked rice,
1 tablespoon olive oil,
approximately 1 1/2 cups (no salt added) tomato sauce
to the mashed beans and stir everything together.
Let whole mixture cool, when it is room temp, refrigerate.

Eat red beans/rice COLD with chopped lettuce mix and ranch dressing. We dip fork in ranch dressing, add lettuce to fork, add beans and rice to the same forkful and EAT. It is our system.

You might like to add all the cooked veggies to the bean and rice mixture. It would make more of a salad.

I do not because I created this recipe to make a homemade version of a red beans and rice salad that my family had at a restaurant. It did not have veggies in it, so that is how my kids like it. And here we are eating it with a lettuce salad. I use one of the 7 lettuce bags from the store. So it is a mixture of light and dark greens.

*** Stock directions (and stock does freeze very easily/well):
I cook my stock on medium heat for 1+ full hour with the lid ON.

If I am making stock to put INTO a recipe that has spices, I do not add spice to the stock.

I make my veggie broth by starting with a stock pot full of water.
I add:
1 large chopped white onion,
6 - 8 diced carrots (I scrub but do not peel),
chopped head of celery,
chopped 1/2 head of cabbage (if you want),
Chopped fresh spinach (if you want),
1-2 chopped bell peppers ( I do green and red),
6-8 cored and quartered tomatoes (I leave the skin ON)
4-6 diced garlic cloves

(not whole garlic bulb, I use 4-6 sections from within bulb, I squeeze through a garlic press, hint: papery skin on each section like an onion has, if you sort of twist the section, paper slides right off, and then you can feel the smooth garlic section and know you have all the papery skin OFF, it is the papery skin that clogs the press, if you have it all off, no clog in press.)

After one hour, I strain the broth (to remove all veggies).
I then re-use veggies in a bean or tomato soup.

If I am making stock to use with NO other spices (like for cooking noodles),
I use these spices:
ground black pepper
1t dried dill
1 t (heaping) fennel (original recipe calls for 1/2 t ground fennel, but I personally have never found ground fennel, do not have a grinder, and just use the whole seed)

My kids are attached to this broth - these spices taste like broth to them. These are the same spices veggies that I use to make plain veggie soup. I add frozen green beans to the mix.

T = Tablespoon
t = teaspoon

Sheppard’s Pie (for my kids)

2009-12-11T00:01:00.003-05:00

Fore note: My kids have CLEAN palates. They are used to not having anything fatted, salted, carbed. I started out slowly so that they could adjust. Their palates are now about the same as mine. I am always hesitant to list what we eat, because another child that is used to buttered noodles and McD's is NOT going to think this is great food. You couldn't get my kids to eat heavy, fatty, fried, salty stuff - 1. they know better 2. they would feel really terrible - GI, headache, flu symptoms (dumping syndrome).

RECIPE for our version of Sheppard's Pie:
Peel / cube 2 baking potatoes (boil like you would for mashed)
(not monster size, but the regular large baking size)

In separate pot, steam chopped head of cauliflower

Put one (opened) package of frozen mixed veggies in colander
(carrots, peas, corn, green beans)

When the potatoes and cauliflower are done,
Pour the water from both pots through colander to thaw veggies
do not cook the veggies - just thaw them

Spread thawed, mixed veggies in sprayed 11x7 baking pan
(slightly smaller than 9x11, a 10x10 square one would work too)

Mash potatoes (in the pan used for boiling) by hand

Run cauliflower through the food processor
Add the following to potatoes and mix:
Pureed cauliflower
1 cup low fat cottage cheese
½ cup low fat shredded cheddar or Colby/Jack Cheese

Spread Potato Mixture (still very hot) over mixed veggies in baking pan
350 degrees for 45minutes to 1 hour (uncovered)

My kids have been eating half cauliflower and half potatoes for a very long time. I didn't start half and half. I started 1/4 and 3/4 and then worked my way up to half and half. Food processor step is important to get rid of the texture/bulk.

Lyn's daughter getting sick from McD's after developing a clean palate

2009-12-11T00:00:00.003-05:00

Lyn just had a posting talking about her child eating McD after a few months without fried food: "You may recall that in September, I swore off all fast food. This was difficult for my 4-year-old, who had been getting a Happy Meal almost every week (chicken nuggets, fries, juice box). She LOVED those things. For the first two weeks, every time she saw a McDonalds she had a breakdown. She asked, she begged. "PLEASE Mommy! YOU don't have to get anything if you don't like McDonald's! Just get me some nuggets!" The next few weeks were grumbles of, "Mommy USED to take me to McDonald's, but she doesn't anymore." I had explained a bit about the salt and grease. I had baked her some nuggets and fries at home. She got used to it. She quit asking. Then, last week her dance instructor handed out (gasp) coupons for free chicken nuggets. When my daughter saw the coupon she lit up and jumped with joy! She was so excited (in fact, the coupon was part of a reward she earned in class). After some thought, I told her, "Okay. I will take you through the drive-through and we will pick up your free nuggets and some fries, and we will go home and you can have that for lunch. But this is a one-time thing. We are not going to keep going to McDonald's." She was thrilled!

We went and got her food (I got nothing, I am NOT going back to that place!) She sat down at the table and enjoyed every single bite. She really mmmmm-ed and ahhhh-ed over those nuggets and fries, which she hadn't had in two and a half months. And two hours later, she had some really bad diarrhea. She was on the toilet all evening pooping out greasy nastiness. I guess her body just isn't used to that garbage anymore! No fever, no other "sick" symptoms, so I feel sure it was the McDonald's. She was fine by morning, and she said, "I am NEVER eating McDonald's again!" Lesson learned!"

Friggin' Navy Pea Coat

2009-12-10T00:01:00.007-05:00

ADDED LATER: If you want to read an entirely different 'coat' story - here is Diane's. It will make you remember. Because we have all been there. Maybe not a coat. But something.

Fore note:
This is 100% my mother. Not being in touch with reality. Enabling. Stupid. Hell bent on giving him a 'choice'.

And before you even read this - know that NO ER visit happened that day. Everything turned out okay.

And if you are new - we had one surgery and/or hospitalization with him every month last year except for two, and one month he was in the hospital for the whole month, he is extremely frail, he has NO legs, he has the double duty pace maker, his kidney's are barely functioning, he is on 22 meds (or some similar number), if you are wondering where all that came from - this will tell you - he has diabetes.

Today's Post:
I realize that absolutely NO ONE MEANT to set it up this way - and it is just the circumstances, but drives me nuts.

Mom's husband's oldest daughter called and said that she wanted to buy her dad a coat for x-mas. So to just pick out what he wanted and she would buy it.

Kind thought. Good idea. Very nice.

I realise that in NO WAY would she think to add - you must get something practical that is not going to bite you in the butt. And you either order something or you wait until your son is there after Christmas to take you shopping. Do not take any action that causes Wife or Vickie to have to do one extra thing over my wanting to buy you a great gift.

My mom tried to steer him toward ordering something from LandsEnd or LL Bean.

The man was in the Navy during WWII. He got it in his head that he wanted a friggin' Navy Pea Coat. Wool, weighs about a zillion pounds. None of the catalogs had what he wanted.

Twice I have said - they are REALLY heavy (coats) and you are pretty frail.

Twice I have heard my mom say - you are not a 20 year old football player any more - you had better get something light weight.

He is 88 and hell bent on a friggin' Navy Pea Coat.

So with snow on the ground, and below freezing temps, my mother took him to the mall to shop for a friggin' pea coat.

This is the part that is 100% my mother.

I didn't know they were going to the mall until I stopped by their house at 8:30am and they weren't there. I called and said - You aren't at the Emergency Room are you?

She did laugh - but I was serious. My mom is usually just getting UP around 9am.

When my mom explained why she was sitting in the parking lot talking to me on her cell phone (at the mall) - I said - husband's son will be here over the holidays - send HIM coat shopping with your husband.

And my mom said - oldest daughter wants him to have coat FOR Christmas.

Now I would like to say that the daughter would croak if she knew that her dad went off on this friggin' Pea Coat thing. And that my mom felt that it had to be wrapped and under the tree before Christmas. But I don't know if she would. I don't know if I see too much of the big picture or everyone else doesn't see enough of it.

I totally get that oldest daughter thought they would ORDER.

And that if he didn't want to order then his SON could have done this with him the week AFTER Christmas.

And I totally get that my mom could have said - friggin' Pea Coat is stupid - pick something from catalog. (do you want to pee on the upstairs toilet or the downstairs toilet? coat from LandsEnd or LL Bean?).

But mostly what I get is that NONE of these people thought they were setting up a mess that I would have to clean up, but that is often the chain of events. As I said - this time it wasn't - but this is a great example of no one thinking they are setting up a mess - but my getting stuck with a mess.

And when these things happen MAKINGS OF A MESS is exactly where my mind goes.

So I wasn't thinking - how nice.
I was thinking -
One of them will fall on ice in parking lot at mall.
He will fall because his friggin' pea coat weighs so much.
My mom will physically crash (heart condition, cold)
because taking him to the mall is HARD.
Etc.

As long as I am on a roll, here is another one:

On Thanksgiving after mom's husband ate his first plate full (no veggies at all, but he did eat reasonable portions of protein and starch), he started to load up with more starch.

His hand was midair with a second twice baked potato, on the way to his plate, and I opened my mouth and stopped him.

Not so much because I care.

But because I thought - you are fragile diabetic and I will be damned if I am going to spend the night in the ER with you because you are too stupid to eat portions when you have serving dishes in front of you. (My mom always fixes his plates. So, serving dishes are a rare event for him.)

I didn't say that that - what I said was - those are half cauliflower and half potato, so they have a reasonable amount of carbs for ONE serving, but two servings will throw your blood sugar off, and you are probably going to want pie, so I don't think you should.

I don't have ANY idea of what he thought. But he did put it back.

(I also didn't say - but thought - I counted those damn things out so that everyone that wanted one had ONE for dinner and then there were enough left for my kids for another meal.)

Everything that he does - I look at it and think - is this going to land me in the ER with you tonight? Everything.

TV lottery - but not lottery thinking - I can't tell you how careful I am to NOT think magic is going to happen - it is one of my greatest strengths

2009-12-09T00:01:00.002-05:00

When I was working on the binders for the staff dinner/luncheon committee, I went to a LOT of restaurants gathering information on carry out and catering.

I picked a little area and hit all the restaurants. It is surprising how many restaurants there ARE within one mile (or so) of each other, in a commercial area.

And of course, my house slid a little - because I still had my normal family stuff and my exercise and my cooking.

One morning I was walking down the hall and sighed at the condition of the living room. And I realised that we tended to all pile down on the TV end of that room because the TV was too small for the room.

And I realised that room was never going to be 'normal' until we had a bigger TV. And I also realized that it was not likely that we would chose to spend the $$$ required for a big TV.

So two hours later I was stopping by restaurants that I normally would not. (I don't "do" restaurants - and these were bbq wing type places that I would REALLY never do.) And one of them had a sign on the door that said 'getting new flat screens, selling old 32" TVs for $100 each, cash only'. I told the man behind the counter that I wanted one. And then I thought about it and called the man back later and said I actually wanted two.

The first TV was for the living room. And the second was for the upstairs down the road. The TV that is upstairs now actually belongs to the oldest. At whatever point he moves out - he will take it with him.

I strive hard NOT to be more, More, MORE. But I realized it was an incredible deal. And I realized that it would help with the congested feeling at one end of the living room.

Getting two big TV's HOME was quite an undertaking. 32" TV's that are NOT flat screen are BIG/DEEP. But I did get both of them home and husband/middle child between them did get them in the house.

I held my breath that they would work. Set one up in the living room and it worked fine.

It needed to be reprogrammed to lose the captioning. And youngest had to reprogram remote for the Verizon Box to work on TV. But everything was fine in the end.

The second one is still sitting in the entry way - it will take husband and oldest to get it up the stairs. Then oldest has to rehook everything (x-box, wee) and reset the box remote to work on most (it can't work on wee and xbox for games - but can work on x-box when we use it to watch DVD's).

My point?

I didn't exactly pray for a new TV. (I am actually very careful to only pray for things like health and peace of mind.) But I did acknowledge that harassing everyone to have living room BE normal was a losing battle with the fact that the furniture was all squished down on the TV end.

I guess I am saying I ACCEPTED REALITY.

And then I was open to the thought that we needed a new TV.

If I had not realized that - I am not sure I would have even noticed the '$100 TV' sign a few hours later.

I happened to win the TV lottery. But it was not lottery thinking. You know?

Muck, muck, who's got the muck?

2009-12-08T00:02:00.000-05:00

I can't remember when I switched my writing style to reflective. But I definitely did.

I tend to mull things over and THEN write about them.

In the very beginning, it was to save all of you a lot of heartache.

I think it is HARD on readers (in general) to get pulled into the muck.

What tends to happen is the muck-E blogger feels better for having spilled her guts, but all the readers feel BAD. And if it happens to be a newbie weight loss person, then the experienced readers feel REALLY bad - because they tend to see the big picture.

I am not saying that people shouldn't say how things are going and write about things in real time and I am definitely not saying bloggers should not feel free to write it all.

But I am sure that you know what I mean - people that lead roller coaster lives - and things tend to be a '1' or a '10' with little in between.

I strive to stay about a '6'.

I used to say between 4-6, but I think I may now have progressed to an even '6' most of the time. (even when my kids are sick. or my mom's husband bottom's out. or my beloved Zumba instructor announces she is quitting.)

And I personally find it keeps my anxiety down to keep my perspective reflective.

Instead of going on and on about IT - to wait and see if IT actually makes a difference - or if what was really going on was anxiety, and IT wasn't a big deal after all.

Because often, if I just give myself a breather to step back and see what I really AM feeling and to think about what actually happened - big things really aren't so very big. And I am able to learn and grow without getting sucked in my own muck.

And in the very beginning - that WAS the happening event - me/myself/I - in muck of my own making.

muck (mk)
n.
1. A moist sticky mixture, especially of mud and filth.
2. Moist farmyard dung; manure.
3. Dark fertile soil containing decaying vegetable matter.
4. Something filthy or disgusting.
5. Earth, rocks, or clay excavated in mining.
tr.v. mucked, muck·ing, mucks
1. To fertilize with manure or compost.
2. To make dirty with or as if with muck.
3. To remove muck or dirt from (a mine, for example).
Phrasal Verbs:
muck about Chiefly British
To spend time idly; putter.
muck up Informal
To bungle, damage, or ruin.

Christmas Gifts 2009

2009-12-07T00:01:00.013-05:00

My mom loves this necklace and has not been able to wear it for years.

She gave it to me last spring, when we were repairing some of her other pieces, to fix.

The picture is MY neck wearing THE fixed/done necklace from this posting.

Now, many months later, she has not mentioned it once. I am hoping that she forgot all about it and that it will be a nice surprise for Christmas.

This was just one necklace out of a whole series that were problems for my mom. Some felt too restrictive, some had broken clasps, some just needed updated.

Middle child was able to do most of the necklace repair work herself. (If you are not Jewel Craft Savvy, a good quality Bead Store would be able to do this type of work for you.)

This was a big, fun project last spring. And my mom is wearing and wearing those necklaces that the middle child redid last spring.

This high quality Turquoise necklace from Arizona/New Mexico was too short, but was over our skill level.

The local jewelry store ordered a charm bracelet for me.

They were able to (closely, but not perfect) match the size and shape of the links.

This charm bracelet was then cut in half and each half was added to (each side of) the necklace to lengthen it.

The original necklace ends just above the stone work. The part that you can see that is just plain chain - is the charm bracelet. And yes, the necklace was REALLY short originally - like choker length short. Like squeeze the neck short.

We often use slightly smaller bead or metal work on the back of our own homemade necklaces (because smaller lays against the neck more comfortably). So this option did not look at all odd to us. And my guess is that most people looking at this finished necklace would never guess it did not originally come this way.

And this necklace (yes, her own, back) is what my mom is getting for Christmas this year. The charm bracelet was $35 and the repair work was $15. The necklace and the charm bracelet are both silver (real silver). The necklace was tarnished. The bracelet was shiny new. Jewelry guy cleaned up the necklace so that it was just as shiny as the bracelet. And then they will both tarnish gracefully together.

I think this whole necklace thing is VERY clever. I love figuring out how to solve things. And I love having NO waste. But it wasn't easy - I literally had to MAKE the jewelry store figure out HOW to do it.

The first time I went in the jewelry store looking for an answer - they had none. Told me they had no idea what to do. They (and I) were thinking fixing it with links. The second time I went in with it, months later, they still had no idea. But I literally said to the guy - be creative - there has to be an easy way to do this. And that is when he pulled out the charm bracelet catalog and started looking.

The tiny, little buckets (blue has snowmen, green are polkadots) are from the dollar rack at Target.

Pails are 4" tall. And yes, the tissue paper matches exactly. They are really cute.

These are for two sets of sisters (friends of middle and youngest).

Each contains a tiny box of chocolate (like a big box of Valentine's assorted chocolates, only these are 3 pieces each). Two pairs of earrings each (middle child made). Older girls have eye shadow, younger girls have lip gloss.

KIDS:
My kids have all been playing Scibblenauts on their PS's (play station, hand held game). I think all three have now gotten all the way through the various levels ('beaten it' - is what the kids say). If I understand them correctly it is a word puzzle type game. We have a wide range of ages at our house (19, 15, 11) and it was actually the oldest that brought this game home from college. Game is age appropriate for 10 and up. All three have loved it.

MEN:
I got my husband a good quality bike headlight that goes on the front of the bike. And then a really powerful blinky light that goes on the back of HIM. Like can't look directly at it strong blinky light.

I got my brother the same blinky light to wear for running.

My brother and my niece and nephew are all getting Klean Kanteens and good quality bouncy balls and backpacks. Not camping backpacks, not book/school backpacs. But instead going to the pool or a friends backpacks.

And my mom got my husband a studio sitting package for a combination birthday and Christmas gift. So we are getting family portraits around the holidays. I am looking forward to having them. this is NOT something that we do on a regular basis. And the last time was very early in my weight loss process (for church directory).

Here is the link to a collection of holiday gift ideas.
I have been adding to it for several years.

Goal Week - Mind Awareness

2009-12-06T00:03:00.008-05:00

It just happened that my psychiatrist appointment was this week. (I am now seen every 6 months.) So, my appointments just happened to be bookends on either end of this last twenty pound process.

So, this week, if I had landed here at the end with a bump, I would have had automatic help.

In case you hadn't noticed - no bumps.

I landed softly enough that I don't think I even missed a step.

Controlled landing.

I don't think of it as rigid - landing on rigid legs is very painful.

Soft knees, steady/even breath, and awareness make for a much better landing.

My psychiatrist always takes a moment and REALLY looks at me. And I suppose that 99% of his opinion isn't actually based on what he sees. It is probably based on how I react to that gaze.

Even though I SEE what he is doing. I do not play the game to beat the system. With my anxiety, I am not sure that I could even if I wanted to. My anxiety is palpable. It vibrates as if it has a life/body of its own. If I had anxiety 'going', psychiatrist would know in an instant.

When he does speak, he always asks me how I think things are going.

And until this week's appointment I would have said that he always asks me about my sleep first. But I realized that he asks how things are going - and I respond about my sleep. My sleep must be my barometer.

When handed a blank slate - how we fill it - is interesting.

I respond about sleep. Problems getting easily to sleep. Or problems staying asleep. These are indicative of worrying about something or having a change in my routine.

And he asked if it was a bit of a problem or out of control - ? And I said neither - it is just my 'tell'. The sign of when things are out of the ordinary and I can't quite let down my guard. When I have to work at staying EVEN.

We reviewed all my meds. My psych med, my two allergy nasal sprays, my allergy pill, my rescue inhaler, the benedryl that I use to help me sleep. He tracks it all. And he confirmed that he had gotten a full copy of my lab (blood) work and that he agreed with my GP that all was very good.

He asked where I was on a scale of 1-10. And I said that I now consider myself a 6 nearly every day. I said that when I was finally a consistent 4-6 that was so good. And I never would have guessed that I could hold at a 6. He said that I seem so balanced and even and centered that it might be possible for me to slowly feel like a 7. And he is right. That might be where I am slowly going.

He asked how I was feeling about NO therapist. And I said that I still thought I was okay. I have been therapist-less for 11 full months now. And I have seen true gains/improvements in that time. I would not even say that I have been treading water, just staying level. I would say that I have been moving forward the whole time. At a snails pace, so I don't UNeven myself, but steady progress.

I did tell him that I had dropped the last of my extra weight and that had helped a lot. Both physically and mentally. I said I found it very empowering. And that is not not lip service. It has been very positive for me to drop the last bits.

So, he faxed my updated Rx stuff to my pharmacy and the receptionist scheduled me for my next appointment in May.

It was very ironic that my appointment was this week. It made me more aware. And yes, if I had not been scheduled, and had landed with a bump - I would have called to be seen. I give myself a short little window to straighten things out on my own. And if they don't straighten - if I can't get even on my own - I don't act out - I don't wallow - I don't self-sabotage. I call and am seen. He is my ally.

ally - an associate who provides cooperation or assistance; "he's a good ally in
fight" friend ; associate - a person who joins with others in some activity or endeavor; "he had to consult his associate before continuing"; blood brother - a male sworn (usually by a ceremony involving the mingling of blood) to treat another as his brother

And if he told me I needed to be back in therapy - I would schedule myself. I get help when I need it. I didn't used to. That was part of the problem.

In weight loss and in maintenance, I leave my ego at the door. That is a BIG part of why I do so well at staying EVEN. And staying EVEN is what allows me to not only maintain, but thrive in my small world kind of way.

This is the last of my Goal Week posts. There were seven of them. I did not plan them out in detail. I did not look to see if I had covered all the bases. I first addressed all the things that I thought you would ask me - my hitting goal and my bras and my cords. Then the other things just sort of rolled in on their own - my underwear, back bends, body, mind.

And tomorrow, I move on to other topics. . .and there is even a picture of my neck!

Goal Week - Body Awareness

2009-12-05T00:03:00.002-05:00

So, what does it feel like to be here?

It is interesting in that it doesn't feel weird. I just feel like me.

Each time the scale dipped down a bit, it felt different for just a couple days, and then it just felt like the new normal.

If we have any cynics in the crowd that are saying under their breath - then what was the point?

My answer would be that I think if you put it BACK ON ME - like slapped a 20 lb backpack on me. I would croak.

Physically croak from the added weight. And mentally croak because if you slapped it back on me - it would be right back on my belly.

And I suspect that part of the reason I do not have body shock is that I have always moved pretty slowly.

My first weight loss was slow. Very steady, but nice and slow. And I was working hard on tone that whole time. So, I was sort of 'used' to all my body parts.

Then, I got to the high end of normal and held for two years.

That is a lot of time. Time to adjust to my body. Time to adjust to exercise and food and sleep and staying EVEN. Time to adjust to all the things that I have written about in the last two and a half years.

And then this last -20 lbs was almost 6 months exactly. It was steady but slow.

Another reason that I still feel like me - is because most of the clothes I am wearing are the SAME clothes.

My workout gear is from just as I started losing this last 20lbs. So my 'new' workout gear is already 6 months old. I can't even remember what my old workout gear was.

My beloved jackets - altered - but the same jackets.

And my new beloved brown cords are like the original brown cords (from just after my first year of losing, no clue what size, that predates this blog) so feel like MINE. Even though I have only worn them twice (so far). It was worth the whole last six months of effort just to have my beloved brown cords back in my life!

And I suppose it was also worth the last six months of effort to have my breasts cantilevered back up to approximately where they are supposed to be. Clothes on - quite pleased with my new every day bras. And that only took a week!

Goal Week - Back Bends

2009-12-04T00:01:00.004-05:00

This is me (in purple shirt and black yoga pants). If I loaded these in the right order, you should be able to see me 'push up' off the floor into a back bend. This is one of the most important things that I do to protect my lower back. I find a quiet little corner and do this, with a variety of other moves, after each and every exercise class.

In the very beginning, before I was strong enough to do this move, I used to bend backwards over a stability ball. Belly up, back against the ball, feet hanging off one end, head off the other end.

The middle child was taking these pics of me.

And she commented that I really needed to work on straightening my arms.

She is right. My chest is nice and open. But I continually work on getting my arms straighter. It gets easier and easier to lift myself. I push up smoothly now. Just still can't quite get the arms all the way straight. The straighter the arms - the more open the chest.

The white T and Pj bottoms is the middle child. She was showing me 'how' and I took a picture of her. You will notice that her hands and feet are closer to each other (than mine are). And her feet and knees are actually pressed together (look how far apart mine are). Feet/knees touching is the goal - but it is hard. The wider the base, the easier the stability.

When you look at her form, you have to allow for the fact that I had on fitted shirt and she had an old shirt of the oldest's on that is REALLY baggy on her. And very baggy pj bottoms. She is actually smaller than I am, the clothes are misleading. And before I pointed out the differences, would you have looked at the picture of her and the one of me - and thought we looked exactly the same? My eyes do see the details of form. This comes from years of very good yoga training.

Her arms are straighter, her bend is much deeper, her form is much better (than mine). But not as straight and not as deep as she saw in her own minds eye.

She saw this picture of herself and was suprised. She thought her hands and feet were nearly touching beneath her. And that IS exactly how it feels. You might look at that picture (of either of us) and think that we are REALLY bent. But it feels more bent than it really is.

If you are wondering, my eyes are WIDE open when I am upside down. And this helps with my equilibrium. And I can totally 'see' and realize where I am in this position. I stay up for a slow count to 50 each time.

And yes, SO MUCH EASIER to do this NOW than it was even 20 lbs ago.

Someone at the gym who is an apple, but very fit, told me recently that as strong as she is, she can't lift herself up this way, because of the disproportionate amount of junk in the trunk. And I understand.

Goal Week - my brown cords

2009-12-03T00:02:00.004-05:00

I did add pictures to the bra post (late yesterday). I know you will flock back there to see pictures of me in my bra! Ha!

And today, you don't even have to ask (or wait!) - here are pics of my new brown cords. And that is one of the jackets that I had altered (so it doesn't 'tent out' in the back).

Background:

At my heaviest - my waist was HUGE beyond words. That is where I carried almost all my extra weight.

I lived in pj bottoms, overalls, sweats.

Every once in a while I would vainly attempt to try on real clothes at Target. And it was always awful. It didn't matter what size I tried - no real clothes fit around my waist. And I almost always had kids with me. So, these were quick, fruitless attempts that left me wondering why nothing fit.

I did not understand how disproportional I was. I also did not understand how FAT I was.

Not this weight loss time, but the one before it, I was able to wear elastic waist stretch jeans from Target. If I had a picture of me in them, I would post it for you. But I don't. And long after I stopped wearing these I happened to see a woman that had a huge belly in a store wearing those exact jeans. The sight was horrendous. I totally understood that she was probably thrilled to be in them, she felt like she was in real clothes. I did too.

Near the lowest end of that weight loss, I asked one of The Women Who Eat if I could borrow some of her biggest jeans. This is when I was down in the 160 lbs or 170 lbs. And she gave me a couple pairs that were 16's or 18's. And they would not even remotely fasten around my middle. NOT EVEN REMOTELY.

I was not exercising AT ALL with that weight loss. And while I lost weight, a hugely disproportionate amount stayed in my belly. I looked very pregnant with that weight loss. Was I unhappy at that time - NOPE. I was thrilled to have lost weight. And yes, I regained it all (+) that time. Knowing me as you do - you can imagine how UNeven I was with no exercise, no inner work, no meds, no understanding of anything - just weight loss. That regain doesn't actually bother me. I had not a prayer of maintaining. I was ignorant. Not stupid - just totally uneducated.

This weight loss - I actually started with exercise. I exercised daily for 6 mos before I started working on my intake. And I continued with diligent exercise all the way down the scale. And then when I started to really work on food. I started (very slowly) to work on all the inner stuff too.

And with this current weight loss, I was able to fit into real pants sometime after that first year of losing (so like 6 mos after I got on the scale, and about a year after I started exercise).

And I bought a pair of real jeans and a pair of brown cords at Macy's. I bought a belt and wore my real belt proudly with my real pants. These were BELOVED. Especially the brown cords. I wore those two pairs of pants all that winter. They started out very snug and were falling off me by the time summer rolled in.

So that is why another pair of great brown cords was one of my goals.

Today's Post:
I went to the mall (by myself, the girls were watching New Moon, my husband was at his mother's, oldest was at college) the weekend before Thanksgiving. I was looking for MY chocolate brown cords. I wasn't looking for just any brown cords. I was looking for BELOVED brown cords. I was on a mission.

The first place that I tried was Macy's. I found a clerk that was not busy and asked for help.

And I was able to articulate several things to her.

I told her that I had a habit of buying clothes that were too big (thinking they fit, because they fasten). I told her that I look like I am wearing jodhpurs from a 1950's movies if the hips/thighs are not cut really slim and fitted. And I told her that I had lost a lot of weight and had problems figuring clothes/this current body out in the mirror. And that I needed HELP.

We figured out that there were no pants cut for women that fit me at Macy's.

I will not buy clothes in the juniors department. Period. I listen to Stacy and Clinton and I am 48 years old. I can spot women wearing juniors clothes a mile away in real life and it almost always makes them look older, not younger.

Pretty much everything was designed for some level of hip/thigh curve that I don't have. I drop (pretty much) straight down from my hip bones.

And their misses clothes (I think) are flattery sized. I swam in the 6's. And they didn't carry 4's. I now understand why my DKNY (my current jeans) are 4's and big. They are from this same sizing system.

I then went to the Landsend shop at Sears. And I was squarely a size 6 there.

Landsend offers free shipping for all orders placed at Sears (shipped to your home). And all returns have free shipping too (returned at Sears). So the salesclerk and I ordered 6 different pants for me to try all the various styles and cuts. And this was extremely helpful.

Sharla was hanging out my door (through cyber space, all the way from California) waiting for my box to arrive all Thanksgiving week. And it finally came this past Monday (the week after Thanksgiving).

I tried everything on several times (benefit of having them at home) and LOVED the brown cords. Perfect fit.

Landsend has their pant designs coded. So a butt crack waist band (like teenagers wear) is a design 1, and up to your arm pits like my mom likes are design 3. And I liked the design 2 - below the belly button - across the widest part of me.

So I was able to call Landsend and have the regular customer service person AND a special shopper person both on the phone with me. And they were able to cross reference their systems to tell me that if I liked the brown cords, there was a pair of jeans that I was probably going to like too.

Two pairs of those jeans are on the way to my house - in a dark denim and a medium denim. I am paying shipping on those two - because the dark denim was THE last pair in the computer, so I grabbed them.

I have already returned the 5 pairs (that didn't work) to Sears. And while I was there, returning, I ordered two additional pairs of cords (tan and black). And between when I ordered the chocolate brown pair and ordered the second and third pair, cords had gone on sale. So not only no shipping - for pairs two and three - but also a big discount.

The middle child does not have school this coming Friday. She and I are going back to the mall. And I am going to try on jeans and also look for a pair of black pants (that can be dressed up or down).

And I will wear the brown cords so that I can easily explain to the clerks WHAT style I need.

And nothing about this pants shopping is/was frustrating to me.

It is/was more Blues Brothers - on a mission type feeling.

Much to the annoyance of many of you - I really have never bought tide me overs. I have made it through many, many size changes with very few clothes. And I personally think this is part of the reason that I have been successful. Like this time - when it is getting COLD - and I only own one pair of pants - the motivation is THERE.

And I am now PICKY. I am looking for the REAL thing. I am looking for BELOVED right from the start.

And the waist band hitting me across the widest part of me and snug fitting thighs/hips/butt are all what makes it work. And I can articulate that to clerks. And the clerks usually know their stock.

Goal Week - Bra Replacements

2009-12-02T00:04:00.002-05:00

First, I want to warn you not to expect a skipping through the daisies post about getting to goal and buying new bras. I didn't get overly upset at the bra shop and didn't cry. But it was not Oh Happy Day. It was more reality check. And you WILL get a kick out of this posting. Because it is so totally me. Instead of looking in the mirror and sniffing - I interviewed the fitter and yes, I actually took notes.

Today's Post:
It is a good thing that I write things (here on my blog). Because the last time I bra shopped, I didn't know it, but there was a computer problem later that same week and all record of my purchases was lost. Like ALL purchases I had ever made at that shop were lost. I actually probably have the tags around here somewhere, but don't know quite where at the moment, and when I went back and looked - sure enough there was detailed blog information under my 'bras' label.

The sports bra part was a no brainer and no big deal. I did buy a new sports bra. And it just happened to be exactly the same sports bra that I bought the last two times (just all different sizes):

April 2008 - sports bra was a 34 E (coral).

I didn't realize until I typed this out - I bought two sports bras within a very short time span in two different sizes. Two things account for this - I swelled quite a bit after surgery - I was 160-165lbs for a bit and then floated back down to my (then) normal 150-155lbs. AND I had never really exercised until I went to PT with my lower back. So it is totally possible that my torso toned up significantly between April and June.

June 2008 - sports bra was a 32F (rich blue).

In November 2009, 20 lbs lighter, that 32F IS slightly big on me - but not nearly as big as my regular every day bras.

November 2009 - new sports bra is a 32DD (rich blue again).

There was no drama involved with the sports bra. Fitter agreed that bra really does work for me. And we talked about the fact that it still was a good fit, just needed smaller cup size.

Under wire sports bras are HARD TO FIND. And I really love this one. (if you are an Ebay person and want to watch for me - it is Bendon Sport 76-408 Extreme Out 32DD. It has an under wire and has mesh in the front above the cups. I use it in the cross back strap positioning, but it works with straight strap positioning too. And I immediately reinforce the stitching before I even wear it, because I am hard on sports bras)

The rest of the bra shopping was not pleasant.

The only thing that got me through was thinking I remembered an old posting from Lynn about being on Oprah. And she was talking about the Oprah staff people fitting all the women that had lost a lot of weight for bras and clothes. The topic came up of what to DO with the excess 'stuff' under their arm pits. I actually went back through Lynn's Oprah posts looking for the paragraph, but couldn't find it.

The (now too big) every day, old bras were seamless, soft cup. Not stretch. And they were a 32DDD.

And I remembered the day I bought them. And that day felt like OH HAPPY DAY. I was very pleased with those bras and both the fitter and I said - perfect fit. And I think that is what I was expecting. I was expecting OH HAPPY DAY part two. I was wrong to have that expectation.

In the now too big bras - the underarm stuff sort of slid down a bit. Intellectually I knew this.

In new bras that are nice and snug - everything moves UP and then bulges over the side of the bra. Intellectually I knew that too. But it didn't make it nice. It didn't make it OH HAPPY DAY. It made it suckage.

Fitter and I spent a great deal of time 'adusting' excess skin so that it didn't have a fold or tuck or pucker. Lovely.

In too big bras - the breast itself just sort of floats limply around the spacious cup.

In a cup that FITS - we were lifting, pulling, rearranging. I have not a bit of self consciousness. THAT didn't bother me. It was the reality of the mirror that was not pleasant.

It was at this point that I started interviewing the fitter - to take the image in the mirror out of it and put the science of the bra industry IN it.

I asked the fitter to tell me what size I am now (in general) and she said 32D or 30DDD depending on the fit. I actually measure needing a 29. And remember when the around size goes down the cup size automatically goes UP. So if 32D is just right in the cup, but too big around, then when move to 30 automatically need a DD or DDD.

The style that I ended up getting is an under wire 32D (LeMysterey Renaissance - Dream Tisha 9955) that is designed to be a small 32 and a large D. And she said this works well for many people who have lost weight and are dealing with under arm extra skin issues. (Ebay people please take note of this one too).

I asked the fitter to describe what kind of an every day (not sports) bra is best suited to me. And she said I now need a molded cup. This is a smooth cup that has a 'life of its own' and helps lift and shape. And she said I definitely still need an under wire. And I either need a T back or a cross back or the elastic things that go between the straps to pull the straps up slightly higher on my shoulders. Besides keeping the straps from digging into my shoulders - they help shape my breasts.

I asked the fitter how best to describe what happened to my breasts with the last -20lbs. And she said that I lost fullness on top. She said that is why I need the molded cup. And she put a few stretchy cup bras and a few of the ones I used to wear (soft, seamless) and showed me - and even in the right size - the cups are baggy, saggy on top. She also said that I lost more in one breast than the other. So one side is slightly larger and she said this is a common occurance.

I asked if pretty much everyone that looses a lot of weight is dealing with the underarm YUCK thing. And she said if they were large busted when heavy - then yes.

I asked how we look at a bra shopping experience when we were expecting Oh Happy Day and it just isn't. She said that finding a bra that fits well and enhances what is there - is a success. And that dealing with the 'here and now' reality is just part of it. Not what could have been or what it was like last time. She said that just because a bra style or size worked in the past, does not mean that it will work now.

And that pins down exactly what happened to my expectations. I think that I thought I would just get the same every day bra that was Oh Happy Day last time - just in a smaller size.

And I was half right - that is exactly what happened with the sports bra.

But not what happened with the every day, real clothes bras.

She is ordering a T back (regular bra, not sports) in two different sizes for me to try (a style that she thinks will fit well but they didn't have in my size). It will take several weeks to arrive.

By then the new every day bra (that I bought) will be the new normal. And I will be able to objectively evaluate it. Then I can either get that same bra in black or chocolate. Or get a T style or two.

So, now I have two bras. One sports and one regular. And both fit.

And, the rest of the story is, I had to MAKE myself put on that new molded cup every day bra and shake and jiggle everything around so everything was where it was supposed to be and I was smooth and even the first time I was putting on real clothes and going somewhere. MAKE MYSELF. And of course when I was just in my bra - the mirror was not pleasant. But as soon as I got my clothes on - things were very pleasant. I am well supported and everything is cantilevered UP to remotely the vacinity where it is supposed to BE. And that is a new thing.

Goal Week - new underwear post (and we are not sharing this little diddy with the middle child. . .)

2009-12-01T00:04:00.005-05:00

ADDED LATER: That is a picture of my actual underwear. The middle child put a poster board behind it - and had to hurry and take the picture that night so I could throw it all in the washer so I could wear it the next day.

Original Post:
I queried on "underwear", "underpants", "Hanes", "hipsters", "size 6" and did not find it. I am pretty good at chronicling things as they happen. I think if I had bought underwear - I would have written a note about it. And I queried on good identifying words - so I don't think it is here.

For a long time now I have been thinking - how can my underpants still fit? Because they now have holes and I absolutely can't remember when I bought them. So, I know they are OLD.

I think I bought them when I was in my losing years. Since I didn't make a note of the day I bought them, I think that it was probably my first year of losing (which is PRE-blog). And a very long time ago.

First side note: I am very much someone that has to take 3 sizes into the dressing room with me. Because I am perfectly happy wearing TOO BIG. Jeans are a good example. I might try on one size, and actually need two sizes smaller, but not realise it. So, I have to MAKE myself try on a variety of sizes.

Second side note: I am also someone that has followed a trail of 'when a door clothes a window opens' all during this process. There are MANY things, that I would have just kept on keeping on, if the universe had not conspired to give me a nudge toward change.

Back to the story - somehow last week, I got very behind on laundry.

Now just in case you have visions that my kids did not have clean clothes for school or my husband for work, do not fret. Everyone plans out their clothes for the week over the weekend. So the girls literally count out skirts, pants, shirts, socks, shorts, gym clothes, special event clothes (we live in the land of school uniforms and dress codes - so clothes and planning are SUPER simple) to make sure they are prepared.

And so one day, last week, I got out of the shower and had NO clean underpants.

Now, if I had really been thinking, I would have remembered that I have a couple emergency pair in the trunk of my car. But I didn't think of that. Or the universe was ahead of me and already planning my nudge.

I dug through the middle child's dresser and found a pair of underwear. That is the part we are not telling her.

She wears hipsters size 5 and I wear hipsters size 6. And visually there looks like a BIG difference between my size 6 and her size 5. BIG DIFFERENCE.

I have tried hers on every once in a while. It would be more correct to say that I have partially tried them on - I pull them part way up, realize there is a big difference between a size 5 and a size 6. And quickly pull them back down again. I always thought they were WAY too small. I think that was actually emotional rather than reality. I think I saw 'different' and thought 'too small'.

But on the no clean underwear day - I had to just put them on and GO. I didn't let myself feel or think. I put them on, pulled my one pair of jeans on over them, and out the door I went.

And it took me half that day to realize that they actually FIT. And to realize that my old size 6's have been ridiculously big for a very long time.

Later that very same day I went and bought myself three packs of the size 5 hipsters. I put them in the washing machine with my old ones. I washed all of it. And when they all came out of the dryer, I packed up the old size 6's and put them in a baggie in my trunk.

Not sure what kind of underwear emergency I am picturing - but I now have enough in there that a whole room full of people can have an underwear emergency and if they don't mind hand me downs - we are covered.

I put the size 5's in my closet. And I have been wearing them ever since.

I would have worn the size 6's until there was nothing left of them and then would have replaced them with more size 6's - if it had not been for the out of underwear, must wear the size 5's day.

Now the rest of this story involves the fact that bikini lines SHOW in underwear that fits. And in baggy, saggy, too big underwear - bikini lines are hidden. Every time I was getting dressed that whole week, if I caught sight of myself in the mirror - I could not stand IT.

I absolutely can't use shaving cream/razor - have a horrible allergic skin reaction and asthma reaction to ANY shaving gel/cream products. But, I knew who to ask about other options.

Sharla lives in California where beach season lasts for a long time. And she has a college daughter. This makes her an expert. The only way that she would be more of an expert was if she had a daughter that was a model and had to be bikini ready every day. Those mom's probably know even more.

And - if I had a lot of extra $$$, I would go get bikini wax on a regular basis. Because I don't mind the pain and love the clean-ness of it. That has been a good option for me in the past, because summer season is relatively short here. But now I am looking for a 365 days a year solution.

Here were Sharla's suggestions: "Yes, they do have rechargeable bikini trimmers. The neighborhood girls all use the Schick Quantro with a trimmer attached-it's about $8 at Target and it has a disposable razor on one end and a battery trimmer on the other. I got one and it works well. Sometimes I need to take the safety cap off to get closer. The disposable one does get dull, so it might be good to try or just spend money on the "real" one. They also use Parissia wax strips from Target too. Strips already have wax, warm between hands and put on and pull off-I'm not trying it. There is also a post shave bump prevention cream that they use that works."

So, on my errands list this week is to buy a (battery) 'real' bikini trimmer.

If you have suggestions on a specific trimmer - or other options that do not involved shaving cream/gel - would be glad to hear them.

Goal week, the first post

2009-11-30T00:04:00.004-05:00

As I write this - it is sort of more about all of you - than it is about me.

And I thank each and every one of you for being here. This blog has made a huge difference in my life. In my process. In writing to all of you, each day, I am also writing to myself. I listen to myself here.

That is not to say that this post doesn't have meaning for me. Of course it has meaning.

But actually I was more emotional about hitting the low 140's. When the last of IT significantly came out of my chest and belly.

And just last week I had someone ask me where I carried my extra weight when I had it. She was asking if I was an apple or a pear (yes, I know hourglass and ruler are there too). She said she couldn't tell by looking at me.

I am used to people saying that they can't picture me with EXTRA weight. But this was the first time that someone said they couldn't picture WHERE. I noticed that moment. It is a snapshot in my mind. It was an ironic little moment for me.

The scale is confirmation of action and reaction. Of input and output. The scale is reliable to me, because I don't cloud its numbers with chemical reactions. My scale readings are very dependable. And yes, I still weigh in the middle of the day - hydrated and full - the REAL ME.

When I got here, TO ME, it was more matter of fact, known outcome, than it was a big TADA thing.

But I realize this is a VERY rare post in weight loss blog land.

So I write it.

I am now totally in my goal range.

I hit goal.

I weigh 135lbs with a BMI of 21.6

And that is a total recorded loss of 80 lbs.

My first recorded weight was 215 lbs the spring of 2005.

I started exercising daily 6 mos before I got on the scale. So, I do not have my highest weight. And that doesn't really bother me. But, yes it would be nice to know. I started tracking when I got down to serious business. It has always been more about feeding my body healthy food and exercising my body and taking care of myself so that I stay EVEN. And it has always been more about losing the apple than a specific number. The numbers just helped tell me when I would lose the apple.

I am 48 years old and 5'6"; if you are wondering about BMI, normal range is 19.1-25.8 for my height and age, and yes, it took all the way to 21.6 the LOW end of normal to NOT be an apple. But this was also not a surprise. I knew what it would take. I appreciated knowing what it would take. I just plain wanted to KNOW.

And ironies of ironies, I hit during Thanksgiving week.

And knowing me as you do, you probably won't even find that weird, you will say, oh of course you did. Sounds just like something that you would do.

And next month or next year, when everyone is moaning and groaning about how hard holiday food is - you can say - "I know this one blogger . . ."

I am sooooooooo not afraid of the holidays. You have heard me say this before, my FIRST year of losing when I was wet behind the ears and green all over, I had surgery in the first week in November and was not allowed back to exercise until the first week in February and I HELD that holiday season. If I could do that then, preEVEN-ness, I can do whatever it takes now.

And you will be pleased to know that I have been busy doing all the things that I said I would do when I got here. Jeans shopping, brown cords shopping, bra shopping, and unexpected underwear shopping. Those posts will be rolling through here all this week.

Was the last twenty HARD?

Not really. I had realistic expectations. I knew that it required a big change. And I went back to carb awareness and major, efficient cardio.

I am not sure that the last 20 was any harder than the first 20.

I am not sure that the last 5 was harder than the first 5.

I cried a lot over that first 5, cried a lot over having to grow up in the beginning. And I didn't cry at all over these last bits.

Do I have any fears about being here? Do I have any fears about being this size or holding here or who I am here?

Nope. All that was pretty much worked out along the way.

Sure stuff still pops up, but it doesn't pop up and derail.

And don't forget I am not a newbie hitting goal. I am actually an experienced maintainer.

I lost for two years, held for two years in the high end of normal BMI, and then decided to drop the rest - to drop to the low end of normal BMI - specifically to lose the rest of the junk in the trunk.

And now I am just slipping right back into maintenance. With a little more insight and a much deeper understanding.

And as you have heard me say - totally worth the extra effort to get every last bit off/done.

There is something very empowering about finishing.

Saturday (yesterday) morning - took a special ($8) 90 minute yoga class at my former studio, taught by my all time favorite yoga instructor, Bev

2009-11-29T00:01:00.010-05:00

Background:
I started yoga at 215 lbs, with a bad lower back, really bad knees, severe inner ear problems, SEVERE ANXIETY and no coordination/balance what sooooooooo ever. So, lower than the lint in a worm's belly button. And I worked through it all. I got out of my own way.

I did yoga classes all through my two years of losing and my two years of maintenance, and the first half of this year. I learned, I grew, I found peace of mind.

When I decided to drop my last twenty pounds, I knew that meant I had to REALLY change things up. I picked up my cardio output - BIG TIME. And I dropped all other classes (yoga, free weights, pilates, etc) temporarily.

I have not been in a formal yoga class in about 5 months. I am now roughly 20 lbs lighter than I was in my last class. I HAVE been doing a brief yoga series, on my own, at the end of each cardio class (for the whole last 5 months, after EVERY CLASS).

When I was taking a variety of cardio classes from my original beloved Zumba instructor, I was in facilities where there were no classes schedule in our room. So often I stayed and worked on my own for 30 minutes or so. I got in the habit of doing this automatically.

When I moved to the new facility, I called and explained to new instructor/owner that I had pretty severe lower back problems and needed to do a series of stretches at the end of each class. Her classes are never back to back. There are always people gabbing and changing clothes and on the phone. So it is no problem for me to just find a corner and do my routine at the new studio. If you are not a yoga person, yoga looks like pretzel work (don't you love the poster copied above? No, can't do most of those! But even simple yoga poses LOOK like the above to many people.).

At the new studio they tend to call this little routine of mine - Cirque du Soleil. This comes from the fact that I always push up into a back bend and hold for a slow count to 50. This reverses my lower spine and 'pops' anything wobbly back into place.

Today's post talks about my 90 minute yoga class from yesterday:

Walking in the door, I had NO idea what to expect - from myself.

I didn't know if I would be emotional (yoga was a BIG part of learning how to stay EVEN for me).

I didn't know if the dim light would really irritate my inner ear/balance thing (that has been one BIG plus about cardio classes - really good lighting).

I didn't know if I would be able to do the poses (any more).

I didn't know if I would have forgotten all the pose names and nuances.

I didn't know if my anxiety would be a run-away train.

I just didn't have any idea. But I went. And I tried.

The class was well structured.

We warmed up, we did a series of sun salutations, we did a warrior flow series, we did a moving balance series, we hit the floor for a couple stretching series.

It was interesting to me to observe that I was MORE flexible and stronger NOW than 5 months ago when I was in my last class.

I was on the same side of the long, skinny room as Bev and was able to hear 'right leg' and move my left leg (so that I was in sync with Bev and mirroring the other side of the room) automatically.

I did not have monkey mind (when your mind is full and hops from subject to subject instead of staying in the present).

But, I wasn't into the class.

I would rather have just been working on my own.

On my own I can hold things that need to be held longer (when I feel tightness).

And I have been practicing long enough now that I have my own style.

I do my sun salutations with a deep lunge on the way up and the way down. She didn't do this - which was fine - but it felt like sort of a waste of a perfectly good sun salutation. (yes, I just put my lunge in, but I then had to hurry it a bit).

So, while I am still very much a yoga at heart person, and use it in my daily life regularly, apparently I am just not a yoga CLASS person right now.

Yesterday's class was not a waste of time.

I am reducing the number of cardio classes that I am taking. And I have been trying to decide what I want to pick back up (yoga, free weights, pilates - ???).

So the yoga class yesterday was a good indication to me that I may not feel the same way about classes that I took for a long time. Classes that I grew to love.

They may have served a purpose (then) but I may not have the same needs (now).

And this comes with very good timing. There are still a few weeks left to pop in and try some of my old stand by classes (in December) before new class signups start for January. Or decide to do something totally different.

Diabetes Links

2009-11-28T09:15:00.003-05:00

New link from Mizfit's guest poster, Amy, on living with diabetes.

Hanlie wrote an EXCELLENT post on diabetes and has lots of links.

Mizfit with a guest blogger BIZ on diabetes.

Personal note: I live with the repercussions of someone that did not take care of themselves and now has diabetes (my mom's husband, if you are new to reading me and want to catch up - click on the diabetes label to the bottom right of this posting, when I think of my mom's husband the first thing I think of is DIABETES - so most anything at all written about him gets labeled that way).

Keep reading today's post
(comments turned on at the bottom of that posting)

Sandrelle's Scale Series

2009-11-28T00:26:00.000-05:00

Enjoy - it is a very good series. And I love that she is spacing it out - so we can ponder between segments. She is doing an excellent job on each one. I appreciate her time and effort.
Sandrelle's intro - The Compass of Mystery .
The Sliding Scale Part 1 .
The Sliding Scale Part 2: Water Works .
The Slide Scale Part 3: Body Composition.

PS - here is her Scale Humor - pretty cute! I have added the links for Sandrelle's Scale Series to my side bar link list - if you are looking for them later - they are easy to find.

Keep reading for today's post (comment turned on under that posting).

Self Sabotage once upon a time it was 'doing what comes naturally'.

2009-11-28T00:03:00.000-05:00

I would say that I am 'naturally' a sort of slug that likes to stay up late, and eat late, and move as little as possible. . .

I would NOT say I am a natural breakfast eater.

I would also NOT say that I am a natural going to bed at a decent hour person.

And definitely NOT a natural exercise person.

That is part of why I am so big on classes - sign up - investment - accountability - they are expecting you - they know you. I feel motivated to do it all - when I am there - not slack off. All of these are things that I have had to work on GREATLY as part of my weight loss and maintenance process.And I also think I have changed my metabolism by eating/working early.

I absolutely think that my old food and sleep habits and non-exercise habits were pure self sabotage.

Did I know they were self sabotage at the time? NO - had no idea.

I was self sabotaging at every turn - and did not know it.

I would have stood and argued forever on the subject.

I would have said that I was just a late night person by nature and I would have said it was something that I couldn't change and then would have argued over the need to change it.

And I would have said I was not a breakfast person - in any way shape or form.

And I would have argued over the need to eat breakfast and would have said things like - I can easily go until afternoon or evening without eating - with no problem.

I would have said I can stay up for three days with no sleep too. (there will be some bloggers that will smile at that one - because they will actually REMEMBER me saying it, here on this blog).

Because nearly everything that I was doing - that felt 'normal' to ME - was dysfunctional.

Of course it felt normal - because it was MY norm.

But it wasn't actually working. . .

I can't be pain free and fat free - with the habits that I had.

You will hear me say again and again
what do I mean to be doing?
what am I actually doing?
and the biggie - is it working?

Because I can't count on what 'feels normal' - there is something seriously wrong with my inner gauge.

I had to retrain myself to be proactive.

I had to teach myself how to APPLY after I learned something.

I had to teach myself to be consistent. (A million posts could be written on that single word).

I had to teach myself to SAY SHUT UP and JUST DO IT (to myself).

I had to teach myself what was anxiety and what was real.

I had to teach myself to feel the feelings and not Pavlov's dogs.

I had to teach myself maturity and loose the impulse NOT thinking.

And for me, this was ALL learning not to self sabotage.

It's usually the 'after' that bites

2009-11-27T00:02:00.000-05:00

The day AFTER - I personally think that is where the real risk shows.

In my opinion, the 'after' is the REALLY vulnerable part. And I think many people do not fully understand this.

It doesn't matter (as much as you might think) whether it is the
day 'after' a really good event.
or
day 'after' a not so great event.

I think either 'after' can catch us by surprise.

I think anytime there are emotions involved, we are vulnerable.

For many of us, if there are emotions involved AND a change in routine, we are really at risk.

We are watchful DURING, but often let down our guard as soon as we think it is done.

I am now down to about three very watchful days 'after'.

In the beginning, I learned to be wary for about three full weeks.

So I was nearly to the end of January until I felt safely past Christmas/New Years.

And when the kids got out of school, it took me until the middle of summer to feel secure again.

And when the kids went back to school at the end of summer, they were at midterms before I felt confident on my feet.

I am like a glass of water - sensitive to every vibration and movement around me.

Sometimes that glass is half full,
sometimes that glass is half empty,
but it feels every ripple, either way.

thanksgiving 2009 menu

2009-11-27T00:01:00.014-05:00

ADDED LATER:
What did I decide to eat (on Thanksgiving Day)?

I ate my regular breakfast of egg white omelet and oatmeal/milk.

Then for lunch I chose to eat a large plate full of greens (7 different lettuces), lite ranch dressing, 1/3 cup red beans and rice, 2 deviled eggs, asparagus, and a regular size piece of pumpkin pie.

Then for dinner I ate 2 deviled eggs, 1/3 cup red beans and rice, a large plate of greens (7 different lettuces), lite ranch dressing, and a regular size piece of apple pie.

We left all the food at my mom's and came home for a while between lunch and dinner. I cleaned up the kitchen, took a nap, and watched TV. In that order. I was conscious of the fact that the urge to graze the kitchen and pick at food was there part way through the afternoon. I wasn't hungry, I felt off my game, because it was a holiday.

I will add to this as my day progresses:
Friday, the day AFTER, I ate:
my regular breakfast of oatmeal/milk, but added mushrooms and asparagus to my egg white omelet. water.

1 hour morning Zumba
ate 1/2 c lf cottage cheese right after 1st Zumba (I take it with me)
water
grocery shopping
1 hour noon Zumba
(there was one other lady that did both classes too)
water

ate a baked sweet potato, baked chicken, steamed broccoli/cauliflower with horseradish, water

went to a Christmas dance recital and holiday decorations display
water
ate 1/4 cup toasted pine nuts, 2" multi grain baguette, about 4 cups dry pan fried mushrooms, broccoli, pea pods, julienned carrots
water

This was our first experience with pine nuts. I dry pan fried to toast them. Stirred constantly and watched them - they burn easily. The girls and I LOVED them. 1/4 cup has 175 calories, 13.5g fat, 0 cholestrol, 3.5 mg sodium, 4.2g carbs, 9.5 g protein

The original post:
I wrote this out on Diane's Holiday posting and then copied it over here to save:

My Thanksgiving menu for 2009:
We do make apple pie and pumpkin pie. We do one of each and cut so that everyone has one slice of each. (each pie is cut into 8 slices, there are 7 of us, I leave the two extra slices, one apple, one pumpkin at my mom's). We eat between noon and one – so one slice then and one slice that night.

the rest of our menu is very simple, whole foods, this is copied off the actual, planned list for this year:

small turkey (over half of us are semi-vegetarians, so I mean SMALL)

deviled eggs (scant amount of low fat mayo and LOTS of plain mustard, and the semi-vegetarians in the group WILL eat these)

baked sweet potatoes with nothing added

twice baked potatoes (small amount of low fat sour cream, very small amount of low fat shredded cheddar, 1/2 potato and 1/2 cauliflower). I like this alternative – totally takes away the ‘gravy issues’ and they are SERVING size – not an endless bowl. I can make exactly how many we need.

lightly steamed green beans (instead of casserole)

lightly steamed asparagus (with nothing added)

major salad / tray of raw veggies (I remembered that I actually do this so I have a big bowl of greens and then the fix-ins - a do it yourself salad bar).

rolls – but we count these out so that the people that want them (probably everyone but my husband and I) – have two and then there are no extras.

Do my kids feel deprived? NO.

If you took them to a traditional spread of holiday food – they would say there was nothing at all to eat – because they are used to whole foods and totally understand fat in food when they see it and ‘carboholic’ foods.

My collection of other Thanksgiving Day posts is here.

Not raining on my parade, teaching valuable tools - the thermometer post

2009-11-26T00:01:00.004-05:00

Have a very peaceful Thanksgiving.

It is my habit to write a 'real' posting each day - even on the holidays. This one isn't a bit holiday related, but I still like it:

Every time something happens at our house - I am looking for the learning/teaching opportunity in it.

Literally - that is where my mind goes.

I suppose it is a silver lining.

I take it as a reminder from the universe of something my kids (or I/ME) need to KNOW.

The flu was the latest learning opportunity.

When the flu first broke out (here), I bought a thermometer for each of the girls. And I bought the plastic covers that are used to avoid germs. And then I called the oldest and told him to go to the store and buy one. So three kids = three digital thermometers/covers.

I did not have a thermometer in the house. At whatever point the last old mercury one broke - years and years ago - I never replaced it. We just don't get sick. And as a household, we do not tend to run temperatures. We actually run sub normal. My mom, the kids, me - all run sub temperatures so it must be some genetic thing. And as a whole - we are almost never sick. My kids experience with running a temperature and watching for too high temps was ZERO. Totally new concept for them.

When the youngest got sick, she opened the packaging on her thermometer, read the directions, and took her temperature.

She was running just about 100 degrees that first day.

Then she read the packaging for the junior ibuprofen and took a dose with food. Yes, I was standing there ready to help - but let her think and do for herself - so she knew HOW.

And each day (she was sick) she took her temperature before ibuprofen or Tylenol, to get a base line each morning. She only ran a temperature that first day. But she monitored it each day. And she understood about taking her temperature first thing, before meds impacted her body. And she understood about correct dosing so the meds did not impact her kidneys/liver (I can't remember which meds impact which organ - but I understand about over useage - Dr Oz just had a segment on this too).

The middle child never got sick. But she did take her temperature a few mornings - just to get to use her thermometer. Evidently it looked like a new digital toy.

When I originally called the oldest (at college) to tell him to go buy a thermometer (and also to make sure he had saline, ibuprofen, Tylenol, Kleenex, cough drops, emergency food ON HAND) he thought I was over reacting.

He said - if I am sick, I will just go the health center.

And I said - if it hits campus - everyone in the world will BE in the health center - there will be actual lines. You need things on hand to gauge how sick you actually ARE - to know whether or not you need to be seen. If you are not very sick - you will not want to be in the health center with masses of sick kids.

He did go buy a thermometer. And he actually called from the store to see which kind. The youngest happened to answer the phone. By then she was an expert on thermometers. She talked him through what he needed and how to use it. Yes, this was an 11 year old on the phone with a 19 year old. And I never even got on the phone - they took care of it between the two of them.

Actually that week - he called several times with odd things and since she was home sick - she happened to answer the phone each time - and took care of answering his questions - can't remember what the other ones were - he was not sick then. I never got on the phone one time with him that week - she was able to help him each time. With the last call - she said - I am 11 and you are 19, how come you don't know these things (whatever they were) already? He is a very with it 19 year old. And she is a very self sufficient, confident 11 year old.

He did end up sick. He came down with it when I was on the mend (about two weeks after the youngest had it, and he caught it there, he had not been home for weeks at that point).

And when he called me - with sick questions - each time - he HAD taken his temperature and knew what it was. He only ran 100 degrees for one day too. (FYI - I ran normal which is high for me for one day). And he did have all the things on hand that he needed (crackers and peanut butter to take with his ibuprofen, cough drops, etc).

This kid is not used to being sick.

He really did need information to know the steps to take - to take care of himself.

And I (my anxiety and I) was not overly concerned about him being sick and away from home. I appreciated that he kept me informed. And I appreciate that he called and then DID what he needed to go to take care of himself.

It DID bother me that I was sick and not able to drive down to get him (if he needed me). He didn't need to me there. But it bothered me that I was not physically capable of driving over 2 hours at that point. I am not used to not being able to do whatever I need to do.

And it was an important reminder - for me - of why it is so important to leave my ego at the door and my hands in my pockets and teach kids in such a way that they learn and apply. So they have the tools to take care of themselves.

Just because someone hands me something, doesn't mean I take it. This is a baked goods posting - click on today if it is likely to set off your wants

2009-11-25T00:01:00.009-05:00

The things that I have said to my mother in the past year or so about food, are fairly clear in my mind:

I need you to bake bread at your house (for the youngest) so I don't smell it cooking.

A lot of things to not bother me at all. I can cook them, have them around, and not eat them. Actually not even think about eating them.

BAKING BREAD is NOT one of these things.
Specifically the SMELL/AROMA of Baking Bread.

Youngest has IBS and has been having odds and ends of stomach pain. She figured out that suddenly she is eating a disproportionate amount of wheat. Bread is one thing that doesn't HAVE to be wheat. My bread maker lives at my mother's house. She is the bread maker safe person. So, she is currently baking a loaf for the youngest once a week or so. The finished, cooled loaf can live at our house with NO problems. I just can't smell it cooking.

(If you have non-wheat bread maker instructions/recipes - please put them in comments. In particular - ironically - she is looking a really good rye recipe because the youngest loves rye and that is a grain she doesn't eat on a regular basis - any other unusual/ancient grain recipes would also be good - youngest is trying to diversify.)

Toasted Rye bread in particular is a real trigger. Could easily, still to this day, toast and eat a whole loaf in one sitting. And if I did that - the next day I would be at the store buying another loaf. And a couple days after that I might be making an hourly store bread run.

Regular toast is NOT an issue. Only rye. My husband occasionally buys a loaf and keeps it in the upstairs refrigerator and toasts and eats it when I am not home. He does it so there is no lingering aroma when I arrive home. If he had to plug in the toaster on the front porch in the middle of winter in a snowstorm and toast it and eat it there shivering - that is what he would do. He does not sabotage me.

Thanksgiving planning the last two years: Count the number of people eating rolls and then buy enough so that each of them can have two and there are NO extras. That probably requires NO explanations what so ever.

Do not send a big pan of anything what so ever to our house.

I added - If you want to bake the whole pan and then send a couple pieces for each girl, and keep the rest in YOUR freezer - that is fine.

She then started baking half recipes - so that she had a much smaller pan and by the time she and her husband had a couple, and my kids had a couple - it was gone.

My mother could eat a half a cookie every other week. She needed to understand that is ONE extreme. And some of us are at the other extreme. And that is a fact of reality.

On this topic, I didn't realize how differently we live, until other bloggers started posting about foods that were constantly entering their house. Like foods entering their house without the bloggers agreement. The blunt part of me says - that would piss me off to no end. The trying to be tactful part of me can dull it down to - sooooooo not happening around here.

Just because someone makes something for me, or goes to hand me something - SO does not mean that I have to take it.

My husband thinks that the easiest and most diplomatic thing to say is that we have some severe allergy and health problems that involve food.

And this IS true. Oldest is very allergic to tree nuts. My GI, asthma, and migraines can be triggered by food. Youngest has IBS. Middle child is picky. Youngest and middle eat no animal meat. I eat very little animal meat (still will eat chicken every once in a while, but no pork or beef). We all watch our sodium levels. We all watch our fat. We all eat mostly whole foods.

I think if I just started listing all that off - they might say - oooops, never mind.

We shop with a master shopping list that the whole family put together. It is a list of safe things. And cross my heart - this is the total truth - if my husband is at the store and one of the girls wants to buy something that is not on the safe/what we eat list - he will tell the girl that they have to call and ask me and then they have to abide by that answer without one complaint. And if I have forewarning - I am okay with a lot of things. But I do not do well with surprise food. And most of the time, if the girls are hungry for something, we buy individual serving sizes. Ice cream is a good example - they have wonderful, small-medium packages. Lemon Squares is another. Do not want a whole package/pan. Have NO problems with ONE for each girl.

I am RARELY sabotaged in my own house.

The last time that I can remember was my husband brought unwrapped pizza home from work. HE quietly put it in the upstairs refrigerator. He came home from work for lunch. I was gone. He thought the coast was clear and he put it in the toaster oven. And just as it came out of the oven - I came in the back door.

I took one look at it and said - hope you choke.

He laughed. The reason that I said - hope you choke - is because he would NEVER order that and pay for that and eat that.

It was FREE after a luncheon and he picked it up and brought it home because it was free.

And then I had to walk in on it - because it was free.

And yes, that makes it choke worthy in my mind.

(if he worked at a pizza place and they sent their leftovers home with the employees for free - he would have a REAL problem).

2009-11-24T13:28:00.002-05:00

This is a noodle as pictured on Amazon. They are made from a sturdy, flexible type of stirofoam. And are about 6' long. The one in the picture is curved - made for someone to put around their back, and then under their arms and then float on it in the pool. Usually they are straight(er). Really good for holding above your head and treading water - because you can get your arms shoulder width (or a little more) apart. And they have a tiny bit of weight to them - but not much - so you can fully engage your arms while holding.

Are they standing on your porch at 5:30am waiting for you?

2009-11-24T00:02:00.007-05:00

I don't think I have written this before, because I searched under '5:30am' and 'porch' and this memory was not there. And in my mind it has always been '5:30am on the porch'. That is how I remember it.

This story comes from something I read on another blog - several years ago. And it actually wasn't just one 'something' - it was a whole lot of somethings.

This poor weight loss blogger wrote a lot of posts about how much flack her extended family was giving her over her weight loss efforts. And how much it bothered her.

Yes, if you are wondering, 'enablers and codependency' were listed on the family crest. Also 'denial and no sense of consequence'. But that is actually beside the point.

One of the key themes, that they nailed her with again and again, was how extreme it was to get up at 5:30am each day to run. And if I remember correctly, she was still at higher weights. So I think that she was sort of jogging, walking, working on becoming a runner at 5:30am. And I think every single one of us can appreciate the effort and determination of that. To get up at 5:30am and not be able to actually run. Somehow that seems like double effort, determination. (Diane will love that - because that is exactly how she started too. She wasn't trying to RUN - she was walking - but did the very early morning thing.)

So blogger lady's whole extended family looked at this action and thought she was just plain nuts.

They thought - you work full time and have kids and need to take it as EASY as possible. They thought - here - have another dessert or two because life is so hard.

They would have fit right into my Buddha post from yesterday.

I absolutely can't remember which blogger this was. But I vividly remember the family flack from her 5:30am running thing being a major topic of conversation in her postings.

And I finally said something like - Are they out on your front porch waiting for you each day at 5:30am? How do they know you are running at 5:30am on a consistent basis?

I knew the answer before I asked the question. But I asked it any way - because I honestly don't think that she did.

They knew because it was her topic of conversation. She would talk about 'running' at 5:30am TO THEM. And then (from their perspective) they would tell her she was nuts.

If she had been talking about a buy one/get one at McD's or a really 'yummy recipe' (yes, you can hear my sarcasm just dripping there) - they would have been worshipping at her alter.

But she was speaking a scary and very foreign language.

She was breaking the status quo of the family structure.

I don't think that she was actually trying to convert them. I don't think she was looking for a running mate. She was just talking about what was on her mind, what was going on in her life. It was just the wrong audience.

I was SO guilty of this 'asking for it' in the beginning.

And I think it is a natural thing. It is no different than a new mom (specially first child) talking endlessly about babies. At that point, babies are the end all, be all.

And for most all of us in the beginning, trying to relearn and then apply what is needed to drastically change our lives and take care of ourselves, our minds revolve around our food and our exercise, etc. That IS our end all, be all.

See, learn, apply, the new norm - takes over eventually. And many of us pour it all out in our blog postings, but rarely talk about any of this in real life. Any more. In the beginning - many of us did.

Take me for example. My mother didn't know I was working on my last 20 lbs. I had never once mentioned anything about it. Didn't even occur to me to mention it. I didn't need any help. I didn't need any information. What I need to say - I say here. But there are some things I DO say to her about food - stay tuned for tomorrow's posting.

Going to bed at a decent hour, drinking water, daily exercise, eating clean food, etc. just becomes normal after a while.

It isn't the shiny BIG DEAL - it is normal life.

Yes, it still requires thought and focus. It still takes effort. But it becomes one of many things. It isn't the be all end all - it is a piece of the structure. The foundation to moving toward health and feeling well and maintaining.

What happened with this blogger? I actually have no idea at all - because I don't even know who it was.

But I remember the story. And I remember that she wasn't the one that was nuts.